Magawo 7 Okhudza Zamalingaliro: Zifukwa Ndi Malangizo Ochira

Kodi muli ndi chibwenzi chokhudza mtima kunja kwa banja lanu? Chinachake chomwe chidayamba ngati ubwenzi wa platonic koma tsopano mwakhazikikamo? Kodi mumamva kuti ndinu olumikizidwa, kulumikizana, ndikumvetsetsa kwa munthu wina uyu kuposa mnzanu? Ngati ndi choncho, mwayi ndiwe kuti muli mu gawo limodzi mwa magawo 7 a zochitika zamalingaliro.

Vumbulutso ili likhoza kupangitsa nthaka pansi pa mapazi anu kugwedezeka ndi kusuntha chifukwa mwina simunadziganizirepo kuti ndinu m'modzi mwa omwe amanyozetsa lonjezo la kukhulupirika ndi kudzipereka mu ubale. Kupatula apo, mwina simunazindikire (kapena kuvomereza) kuti zochita zanu zikufanana ndi chinthu chachikulu ngati kusakhulupirika. Komabe, chodabwitsachi ndi chofala kwambiri kuposa momwe mungaganizire, ndipo anthu ambiri, kaya mwadala kapena mosadziwa, amadzipeza ali m'magulu osiyanasiyana amalingaliro osazindikira kuwononga komwe kungabweretse pa ubale wawo woyamba.

Kuwona zomwe zapezeka pa chinyengo chamaganizo poyerekeza ndi chinyengo chakuthupi kukuwonetsa bwino: 15% ya akazi okwatiwa ndi 25% ya amuna okwatiwa adavomereza kuti adachita chigololo chakunja kwa ukwati. Koma pankhani ya kusakhulupirika kwamalingaliro m'banja, ziwerengero zikukwera kwambiri. Pafupifupi 35% ya akazi ndi 45% ya amuna adanenanso kuti adachita chigololo chamaganizo kamodzi kokha m'banja lawo. Zosangalatsa, sichoncho? Tiyeni tiwone bwino momwe chinyengo chimakhudzira malingaliro, zomwe zimachilimbikitsa, ndi momwe mungachire kuchokera pamenepo, kuti tikuthandizeni kuthana ndi vuto ili, mosasamala kanthu kuti muli mu gawo liti la chibwenzi chamaganizo.

Kodi Kusakhulupirika M'maganizo N'chiyani? 

Ponena za nkhani zamaganizo ndi chisudzulo, bungwe la American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy linalemba kuti, “Vuto latsopano la kusakhulupirika likubuka pomwe anthu omwe sanafune kukhala osakhulupirika mosadziwa akudutsa malire kuchoka pa ubwenzi wa platonic kupita ku maubwenzi achikondi.” Ngati mukudabwa kuti, “Kodi ndili ndi chibwenzi chamaganizo?”, yankho ndi “inde” ngati muli:

• Kutumizirana mameseji ndi munthu wina / kudzutsidwa pazokambirana
• Kubisa ubwenzi wanu kwa wokondedwa wanu
• Kufotokozera zamavuto anu kwa okondedwa anu (omwe si bwenzi lanu loyamba).
• Kugwirana mosagonana (monga kukumbatirana, kukumbatirana, kusisita, kugwirana chanza)
• Kucheza nokha ndi munthu amene mumadziwa kuti amakukondani
• Kutuluka (m'modzi-m'modzi) ndi munthu yemwe mumamupeza wokongola

Ponena za nkhani zokhudza maganizo ndi mauthenga, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit analemba kuti, “Ngati muchotsa kapena kubisa mauthenga/mafoni a winawake, zimenezo ndi chizindikiro choopsa kwambiri.” Koma kodi chibwenzi cha maganizo ndi chigololo? Inde! Ngakhale simukugwirizana ndi munthu wina mwakuthupi, mukugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zambiri zamaganizo muubwenzi watsopanowu. Mukunyalanyaza zosowa zamaganizo/zathupi za SO wanu ndipo mukuwanamiza.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo a Wothandizira pa Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Kusakhulupirika Kwa Maganizo

Kodi Zokhudza Maganizo Zimayamba Bwanji? 5 Zifukwa Zapamwamba 

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit analemba kuti, “Kunyenga m’maganizo kumayambira m’mutu. Kumakhudza amene amabwera poyamba. Monga amene akunyenga, dzifunseni kuti ndani amene ali ndi malo oyamba m’maganizo mwanu tsiku lililonse. Ngati si CHONSE chanu, koma wina, mwina ndi kunyenga.” Koma n’chifukwa chiyani wina mwadzidzidzi ndi wosagonjetseka? Nazi zifukwa zina zomwe zingatheke:

1. Kusakhutira ndi ubale woyamba

Mu kafukufuku wina , 48% ya amuna adaona kuti chifukwa chachikulu chomwe amachitira zachiwerewere ndi kusakhutira ndi malingaliro. Chifukwa chake, ngati mmodzi wa inu ali kutali ndi wina kapena nonse mwayamba kunyalanyazana ndipo chibwenzicho chayamba kusasangalatsa, izi zitha kuwonjezera mwayi wolumikizana ndi wina. Ichi ndichifukwa chake nkhani zachikondi zimayamba:

• 'Chinachake' chikusowa muubwenzi wanu koma simukudziwa kuti ndi chiyani kwenikweni
• Mumadziwa zomwe zikusowa koma simungathe kuzifotokoza momasuka, moona mtima, komanso momveka bwino
• Mwawonetsa zosowa zanu zomwe simunakwaniritse kangapo koma kuyesa kukonza sikunaphule kanthu

2. Kufunafuna kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro kwina

Ngati munthu wachitatu akwaniritsa kufunikira kwa kutsimikizika kwa malingaliro ndi kukhutitsidwa komwe kulibe muubwenzi wanu woyamba, chikondi chachikulu chingakulire mwachangu. Woyimba waku America Jessica Simpson adavomereza m'buku lake la mbiri ya moyo wake Open Book kuti adali ndi chibwenzi chamaganizo ndi mnzake wa nyenyezi Johnny Knoxville, panthawi ya ukwati wake ndi Nick Lachey. Iye analemba kuti, "Ndikanatha kugawana naye malingaliro anga enieni ndipo sanandiyang'ane. Anakondadi kuti ndinali wanzeru ndipo ndimavomereza zofooka zanga."

"Choyamba, tonse tinali okwatirana, kotero kuti izi sizikanati zitheke. Koma kwa ine, chibwenzi chinali choipa kwambiri kuposa chakuthupi. Ndizoseketsa, ndikudziwa, chifukwa ndinatsindika kwambiri za kugonana posagonana tisanakwatirane. Nditatha kugonana, ndinazindikira kuti mbali yamaganizo ndi yomwe inali yofunika ... Johnny ndi ine tinali ndi zimenezo, zomwe zinkawoneka ngati zachinyengo kuposa kugonana kwanga."

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3. Zowawa paubwana

Yakwana nthawi yoti mudziganizire. Kalembedwe kanu kokondana ndi kudzidalira kwanu zimadalira momwe mumayendera maubwenzi. Mungathe kuchita chigololo chamaganizo ngati:

• Makolo anu ananyengana wina ndi mzake ndipo amakupangitsani kukhala osakhulupirika kwa inu
• Muli ndi mantha akulu kusiyidwa chifukwa chake pezani njira zopewera ubwenzi ndi SO wanu
• Dziko lanu longopeka la 'unyamata wamuyaya' limakuthandizani kuthawa maudindo enieni

4. Kukhulupirira kuti kulemberana mameseji n’kopanda vuto

Ngati ndinu munthu wonyenga pamalingaliro, mumagawa dziko lonse kukhala lakuda ndi loyera kuti mulungamitse kusakhulupirika pamalingaliro muukwati. Mumaona kugonana ngati "kosasangalatsa" komanso " kukopana kosavulaza " moyenera. Chifukwa chake, simumadzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa ndipo simumatsutsa mnzanu chifukwa choopa kapena kuchita nsanje. Mukukana mbali yanu yamthunzi.

5. Kufunika kwatsopano/zosiyanasiyana

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Esther Perel akugogomezera mu nkhani yake ya TED kuti, “Pamtima pa chibwenzi pali chikhumbo ndi chikhumbo cha kulumikizana ndi anthu, zinthu zatsopano, ufulu, kudziyimira pawokha, kugonana, chikhumbo chofuna kubwezeretsanso ziwalo zathu zomwe zatayika komanso kuyesa kubwezeretsanso mphamvu zathu ngakhale titatayika kapena takumana ndi tsoka.” Umu ndi momwe zinthu zamaganizo zimakhalira ndikukhala zapamtima:

• Mumalakalaka zachilendo / chisangalalo chomwe sichikupezekanso muubwenzi wanu woyamba
• Kusunga zinsinsi kumakupatsani mphamvu zabodza
• Mwatopa kukhala munthu 'wabwino' ndipo iyi ndi njira yanu yopandukira popanda kuwoloka mzere.

Magawo 7 a Nkhani Yamalingaliro

Tsopano popeza takambirana za momwe kumvera kumayambira, ndi nthawi yoti tipitirire ku zomwe zimabwera pambuyo pake - magawo 7 a zochitika zamalingaliro. Kusintha kuchoka paubwenzi wozama kupita ku kugwirizana kwamaganizo kungakhale kovuta kwambiri moti simungazindikire n’komwe pamene mwawoloka malire. Zinthu izi zimayamba mosalakwitsa ndikulowa m'moyo wanu, ndikuyambitsa chipwirikiti muubwenzi wanu wautali. Tiyeni timvetsetse magawo a kusakhulupirika mwatsatanetsatane.

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1. Ubwenzi

Pali milingo yosiyanasiyana yamalingaliro, kuyambira paubwenzi 'wopanda mlandu' kapena 'wopanda vuto'. Zokhudza mtima komanso kutumizirana mameseji zimayendera limodzi. Munthawi yaubwenzi, zokambirana zimakhazikika pazochita zatsiku ndi tsiku/zokonda. Pakhoza kukhala kuyankhulana kwapamtima kwapamtima pazama TV koma kumakhala kwachiphamaso, popanda malingaliro enieni kumbuyo kwake. Umu ndi momwe zimakhalira:

• Wantchito mnzako kapena bwenzi lapamtima lakale amakhala woululira zakukhosi
• Kutumizirana mameseji ndi kuyanjana kwanu pa Facebook kungachuluke
• Mumaona mwayi kukhala ndi munthu amene 'amakupeza' inu moona
• Mukuyembekezera kuwapangitsa kumva kuti ndi apadera / ofunikira

2. Gawo la-oposa-anzako

Pa gawo lachiwiri la chinyengo, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit analemba kuti, “Kulankhulana: pali chisangalalo, mnzanu wamtsogolo akufotokozedwa ngati wodzitukumula/wosangalala/woseketsa/chilichonse chodziwika bwino, mwina pali kuvomereza kukondana pang'ono, kuvomereza kuti AP wamtsogolo ndi wokongola…”

Mumagawana zambiri ndi munthuyu kuposa mnzanu. Simukugona limodzi kapena china chilichonse koma pali vuto la kugonana. Pang'onopang'ono, mumayamba kusangalala ndi kukopana pang'ono. Mwina simunafune kuchita kapena kufunafuna mabwenzi osayenera mutangokwatirana/muli pachibwenzi chodzipereka koma, kusiyana pakati pa kukopana m'maganizo ndi ubwenzi kumachepa pang'onopang'ono. Ngati mukudabwa kuti, "Kodi ndikukopana m'maganizo?", ganizirani izi:

• Kodi nthawi zambiri mumaganizira za mnzanu?
• Kodi mumayembekezera mwachidwi kucheza nawo?
• Kodi mumayesa kusunga 'ubwenzi' wanu chinsinsi?

Ngati yankho la mafunso awa ndi “inde”, ndiye kuti mwadutsa kale malire a ubwenzi ndipo mwakhudzidwa mtima ndi munthu wina osati mnzanu.

3. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati ndi nkhani yamalingaliro? Onani ngati mwafika pa siteji ya 'kudandaula'

Pamene ubale wa chinyengo ndi ubwenzi wasokonekera, kukhalabe olankhulana nthawi zonse ndi kudandaula ndi kuyankha kwa 'bwenzi lapadera' limeneli kumakhala chizolowezi mu gawo lachitatu. Zina mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino koma zosazindikirika za chinyengo pa gawoli ndi izi:

• Kudandaula za kulephera kwa mnzako
• Kuuza mnzanu zimene mukufuna kuti moyo wanu ukhale wotani
• Kugawana zinsinsi ndikuzipanga kukhala gudumu lachitatu muubwenzi wanu

4. Chilakolako chogonana ndi chimodzi mwa magawo 7 a zochitika zamaganizo

Kugwirizana kwamalingaliro kumazama. Mumayamba kuzindikira mikhalidwe ya 'bwenzi' yomwe ilibe mwa bwenzi lanu lovomerezeka. Chikhumbo chofuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mnzanu wapamtima chimayamba kugwira. Zotsatira zake,

• Mumaganizira za mnzanu wapamtima pamene mukugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu
• Zilakolako zakugonana ndi zodziwikiratu zimakhala gawo lazochita zanu ndi munthu wina uyu
• Mumayamba kuvala zonunkhiritsa ndi kulandira mphatso chifukwa cha chidwi chanu
• Ngati ndi nkhani yakutali, mutha kuyamba kutumizirana mameseji

5. The kudalira-pa-wina-wina

Inu ndi 'mnzanu wamaganizo' tsopano ndinu gulu losagwirizana, lolankhulana, lothandizana kupanga zisankho, logawana mavuto ndi zosokoneza, komanso lothandizana. Mungayambe kupewa kuchita zinthu ndi mnzanu kuti mupeze nthawi yochulukirapo yocheza ndi mnzanu wamaganizo. Kukondana kumeneku kumakhala kokwiyitsa mnzanu wachikondi chifukwa watopa ndi kunyalanyazidwa ndi munthu amene amamukonda ndipo sakumvetsa chifukwa chake mukuchita zinthu zachilendo chonchi.

Ngati mukuganizabe momwe mungadziwire ngati ndikukukondani ndipo simukudziwa ngati 'ubwenzi wanu wapadera' walowa m'derali, ganizirani mafunso ena:

• Kodi amasankha kuti ndi chovala chiti chomwe chikuyenerani inu?
• Kodi mumapempha malangizo awo pakusintha ntchito yanu?
• Kodi mumawakhulupirira kuposa chibadwa chanu?

6. Kukhala wopanda chidwi ndi ubale wanu

Panthawi imeneyi, kutengeka maganizo kumakhala kozama kwambiri kotero kuti mumakhala osakhudzidwa ndi moyo womwe mwamanga ndi mnzanuyo. Mukumva ngati kuthawa moyo wanu wapano. Iyi ndi nthawi yomwe mukukumana ndi zovuta kwambiri chifukwa mumavomereza kusowa kwa mgwirizano wamaganizo mu ubale wanu woyamba.

Mumakonda kupeza malo okhala pachibwenzi chanu chakunja kwa ukwati . Munthu uyu amakutonthozani komanso amakutonthozani ndipo amakwaniritsa zosowa zanu zamaganizo. Mukupita ku chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati kwa moyo wanu wonse, koma mumtima mwanu, mukufuna kuti chikhale china chake choposa pamenepo. Mukudziwa kuti maubwenzi omwe amayamba ngati chibwenzi ndi ovuta kwambiri koma pakadali pano, simusamala kwenikweni.

7. Chisankho chomaliza - kodi nkhani zamalingaliro zimasanduka chikondi?

Ichi ndichifukwa chake nkhani zamaganizo ndi chisudzulo zimagwirizana. Pa magawo 7 a nkhani zamaganizo, iyi ndi nthawi yomwe chilakolako chofuna kuchoka chimalowa. Mumayamba kuwona zizindikiro zakuti ubale wanu sungathe kukonzedwa ndipo mumasiya kwambiri wokondedwa wanu woyamba. Apa ndi pomwe nkhani zamaganizo zomwe zimakhala zachikondi zingayambitse kusweka kwa ukwati.

Chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha zimenezi ndi chomwe chinawonetsedwa mu filimu ya Lunch Box. Anthu awiriwa sanaonane koma analumikizana kwambiri kudzera m'makalata obisika m'bokosi la chakudya kotero kuti mayiyo anafuna kuchoka panyumba ndikuyamba moyo watsopano ndi mwamuna amene anali wamkulu kwambiri kuposa iye. Ndiye, kodi nkhani zamaganizo zimasanduka chikondi? Inde, zingatheke.

Nthawi zina zinthu zamaganizo zimathanso kutha. Palibe chitsimikizo kuti nkhani yanu yamalingaliro idzakhala chikondi cha moyo wanu. Koma mosiyana ndi maubwenzi ogonana, zochitika zamaganizo zimakhala zamphamvu ndipo motero zimakhala zotalika kwambiri ndipo zimakhala ndi zotsatira zoopsa kwambiri.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Sindingaiwale Nkhani ya Mwamuna Wanga Ndipo Ndikumva Kuvutika

Momwe Mungakonzere Ubale Pambuyo Pankhani Yamalingaliro

Kodi kuthetsa chibwenzi chamaganizo n'kotheka? Poyankha funsoli, katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia adauza Bonobology kale kuti, "Inde. Komabe, kukonza kuwonongeka komwe kumachitika ndi magawo 7 a nkhani zamaganizo kumatenga nthawi. Kuchiritsa ndi kukhululukira kumafuna khama lalikulu kuchokera kwa onse awiri. Zingachitike pokhapokha ngati onse awiri akumva kufunikira kwakukulu kokonzanso chikondi kuyambira pachiyambi . Ngati kufunikira kumeneku kuli kwamphamvu, koona mtima, komanso koona mtima, mwayi wopita patsogolo ndi waukulu."

Ngakhale kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kudaliranso mnzanu amene wayambitsa mavuto a m'maganizo kumafuna kutseguka, cholinga chogwirizana, kugawana, ndi kuthandizana pakati pa okwatirana. Ndi izi, tafika pa malamulo ena agolide oti titsatire:

1. Chotsani kulumikizana ndi kulumikizana

Kuthetsa chibwenzi kumayamba ndi kusiya kucheza, popanda mafunso omwe amafunsidwa. Zingakhale zowawa kutsanzikana ndi munthu amene wakupatsani chisangalalo. Koma kuti muthe kukonza ubale wanu, muyenera kutsatira lamulo loti osalumikizana ndi mnzanuyo.

Malinga ndi Gottman Repair Checklist, nazi mawu ena omwe mungagwiritse ntchito poyesa kusonyeza kuti ndinu wolakwa pa kuwonongeka komwe mwayambitsa:

• "Ndinamuwombera kwambiri"
• "Ndikuwona gawo langa pazonsezi"
• "Ndingatani kuti zinthu zikhale bwino?"
• “Pepani, ndikhululukireni”
• "Ndikufuna kukhala wodekha kwa iwe pompano ndipo sindikudziwa momwe"

2. Bwererani kwa okondedwa anu

Muli ndi okondedwa wanu kuti abwererenso kuti akuthandizeni maganizo ndikumanganso ubwenzi umenewo ndi iwo. Ngati mbali ina yaubwenzi ikukuvutitsani, muyenera kugawana ndi mnzanuyo. Perekani zonse zomwe mukufuna koma kwa mnzanu. Khalani abwenzi apamtima ndi iwo ndikuyesera kusintha / kuvomereza m'malo monyengerera.

Ponena za kusintha (m'malo mwa kuvomerezana kosayenera ), Gottman Repair Checklist imatchula mawu angapo omwe angakuthandizeni kuchira ku ululu wakale:

• “Ndikugwirizana ndi zina mwa zimene mukunena”
• “Tiyeni tipeze mfundo zimene timagwirizana”
• “Sindinaganizepo choncho”
• “Nkhawa zako ndi zotani?”
• "Tiyeni tivomereze kuti tiphatikizepo maganizo athu onse awiri payankho"

3. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kumvetsetsa

Ino ndi nthawi yabwino yokambirana chifukwa chake munachita zomwe munachita. Ngati simunakhutire ndi mnzanu, munamva kuti simukukwanira, kapena simukusangalala muubwenzi, ino ndi nthawi yokambirana ndi mnzanuyo za nkhani izi. Koma mnzanuyo ayenera kudziwa kuti kukuwonetsani mkwiyo kapena mkwiyo wosafunikira sikungathandize kuchira.

Zimathandiza kufunafuna malangizo kuchokera kwa munthu wodziwa zambiri, wokhwima maganizo, komanso wosaweruza. Akhoza kukhala wachibale, bwenzi, kapena mlangizi waluso. Ngati mukufuna thandizo, alangizi athu ochokera ku gulu la Bonobology ali pafupi nanu.

4. Kambiranani za mipata muubwenzi wanu

Muyenera kulankhula za munthu amene munali naye pachibwenzi. Ngakhale kuti zingakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu olakwa komanso okwiya monga momwe zingapangire mnzanuyo kumva, izi ndizofunikira. Kodi ndi zinthu ziti zomwe zidakukokerani kwa munthuyu - kodi chinali chikhalidwe chake chachifundo kapena kuti anali womvetsera wabwino?

Sanjani bwino. Atchuleni mnzako. Izi zinali zosakwanira kapena mipata mu ubale wanu. Ngakhale zingakhale zowawa kuwalera, ndikofunikira kukambirana za izi ndikumvetsetsa komwe ubale wanu udasoweka.

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5. Onetsani chiyamikiro

Mukufuna malangizo amomwe mungakonzere kusagwirizana kwa malingaliro muukwati? Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kuyamikira kumawonjezera chitonthozo muubwenzi. Chifukwa chake, yambitsaninso chikondi chanu mwa kuyamikira nthawi zonse. Nazi mawu ena omwe mungagwiritse ntchito poyamikira mnzanu, malinga ndi Gottman Repair Checklist:

• “Zikomo chifukwa…”
• "Ndikumvetsa"
• "Ndimakukondani"
• "Ndikuthokoza chifukwa cha ..."
• “Limeneli sivuto lako, ndi vuto LATHU”

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazifukwa zomwe ubale wamphamvu ndi kulumikizana kwapamtima paubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zabwino kwambiri zothanirana ndi chibwenzi. Chotero, kodi mungatani kuti muteteze unansi wanu ku mkhalidwe wamaganizo wotero m’tsogolo? Chinthu choyamba ndicho kukumana monga mabwenzi ndikukhazikitsa ubale wanu pa maziko okhulupirirana.

Kondanani ndi kulemekezana. Lankhulani momasuka komanso pafupipafupi. Gawani zakukhosi kwanu, mapulani anu, ndi mavuto aliwonse omwe muli nawo. Sangalalani ndipo yesetsani kuthetsa mavuto amisala omwe amabwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. Izi ndi njira zanzeru zothetsera kusakhulupirika ndikukhala ndi ukwati wolimba pomwe mumakhala ndi ubale wamaganizo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu osati wina aliyense. Khalani ndi ubale wabwino!

Ibibazo

Magawo Asanu A Ubwenzi - Dziwani Kumene Muli!

Momwe Mungalekere Kuganiza Mopambanitsa Pambuyo Kunyengedwa - Katswiri Amalimbikitsa Malangizo 7

Kodi Zotsatira za Mavuto Pakati pa Maanja Ndi Chiyani?

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

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