Kusowa kwanu kwadutsa mwa ine
Monga ulusi kudzera mu singano.
Chilichonse chomwe ndimachita chimasokedwa ndi mtundu wake.
- WS Merwin
Zotsatira za kutha kwa chisudzulo zimakhala zoipa kwambiri kuposa kusudzulana komweko. Anthu amakumana ndi zotsutsana zambiri m'kanthawi kochepa. Chifukwa chothedwa nzeru, kupwetekedwa mtima, ndi kupanda njira, amasungulumwa kwambiri. Koma kodi chingachitike n’chiyani ngati zinthu zitatero? Kodi munthu angathane bwanji ndi kusungulumwa pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi kupeza chithandizo?
Ngakhale iyi ndi nkhondo yomwe iyenera kumenyedwa ndi mtima wanu wosungulumwa, pali njira zingapo zomwe zingakuthandizeni kufikira dziko lolonjezedwa lamtendere ndi chisangalalo. Tikuyika zinthu moyenera kwa inu ndi malangizo 11 awa othana ndi kusungulumwa mukatha kutha. Ndife ndani, mukufunsa? Ndili ndi katswiri wodziwa zomwe mukukumana nazo.
Dokotala wama psychologist Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), woyambitsa Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wa maanja ndi chithandizo cha mabanja, amagawana zidziwitso kukuthandizani kuthana ndi mavuto. Nthawi yoti muyambe.
Malangizo 11 Othana Ndi Kusungulumwa Pambuyo Polekana Ndikupeza Chithandizo
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Pakhala kukwera kosalekeza kwa anthu omwe amasungulumwa pambuyo pa kutha. Devaleena akufotokoza chodabwitsachi, "Masiku ano, tikuyesera kupeza chikhutiro kudzera m'maubwenzi. Pali njira yowonongeka kwambiri yokhudzana ndi iwe mwini. Koma kupeza chinthu kapena tanthauzo kudzera mwa munthu wina sikuli kwabwino kapena kosatha. Pamene kupatukana kumachitika mosapeweka, kudzipatula kumabwereranso kambirimbiri. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake anthu amanena kuti akuyesera thana ndi kusungulumwa muubwenzi. "
Kukonza chizoloŵezi choterocho n'kofunika kwambiri. Koma kuti mufike pamalo omwe mungathe kuwongolera machitidwe anu, muyenera kuthamangitsa mafunde owopsa omwe kusweka kumabweretsa. Koma kodi n'zosavuta? Ndipo kodi malamulowo ndi osiyana kwa aliyense? Kodi mungatani ndi kusungulumwa ngati mwamuna? Kodi ndizosiyana mwanjira iliyonse ndi kuthana ndi kusungulumwa kwapambuyo pakutha ngati mkazi? Ndipo kodi n’zotheka kuthana ndi kusungulumwa popanda mabwenzi? Mafunso ambiri. Tiyeni tione mayankho ake.
Pano pali mndandanda wa njira zomwe zingakhale ndi msana wanu pamene mukulimbana ndi kusungulumwa.
1. Vomerezani kupweteka kwanu pothana ndi kusungulumwa
Devaleena akuti, "Kupeza zosintha kapena kumenya masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti mukhale ndi thupi langwiro si njira zothetsera mavuto pambuyo pa kutha. Dzichitireni zabwino ndikunyalanyaza chikhalidwe cha pop kwa mwezi umodzi kapena kuposerapo. Imvani zowawa zanu, zithetseni, ndipo dziwani kuti palibe vuto kugwedezeka m'malingaliro anu kwakanthawi. Tengani mwayi uwu kuganizira zomwe mwasankha, ubale wanu, ndi wakale. Khalani ndi nokha."
Kusweka kumabweretsa zabwino za ife mpaka maondo athu. Ngakhale Dwight Schrute anali chisokonezo pamene Angela anamusiya. Ndibwino kuti mufune kugona pabedi lanu tsiku lonse kapena kudya ma brownies asanu ndi awiri nthawi imodzi. Mu magawo oyambirira, yeretsani dongosolo lanu ku kulira konse ndi mkwiyo ndi kukhumudwa. M'dziko limene anthu ambiri ayamba kudziona ngati ali wosungulumwa, simuyenera kubisa mavuto amene munakumana nawo mutathetsa banja.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: N'chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Ena Amathetsa Mabanja Movuta Kwambiri Kuposa Ena?
2. Pezani chitonthozo mukakhala ndi anzanu
Timapeputsa kuti timafunikira kwambiri anzathu. Koma apa pali chikumbutso chanu kuti mufike kwa bwenzi lakale lomwe mwakhala mukufuna kumuwona. Mudzadabwa ndi mpumulo umene udzatsatira. Tikakhala pachibwenzi, bwenzi lathu limakhala lofunika kwambiri ndipo timakonda kuletsa mapulani athu ndi anzathu. Ndi mabwenzi omwewo amene adzakhalapo kwa ife pamene tikuyesera kuthana ndi kusungulumwa pambuyo pa kutha kwa banja.
Koma kodi bwenzi lingachite chiyani kwenikweni? Devaleena akufotokoza kuti, “Kumvedwa ndi njira yabwino kwambiri kulimbana ndi kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Mnzanu amene amakumvetserani popanda kukuweruzani kapena kuona zolakwa zanu popanda kuchita nkhanza ndi dalitso lenileni. Atha kukhala gwero la chitonthozo, komanso njira yowongolera - ingofikira kwa bwenzi lokoma mtima. "
3. Dzisamalireni nokha
Khalani wosamalira pakhomo komanso katswiri wazakudya. Palibe chifukwa chokhala mkazi/mwamuna pa ntchito, koma chonde samalirani zofunika zanu. Onetsetsani kuti mwadyetsedwa bwino komanso mwaukhondo. Konzaninso malo ozungulira. Kukhala m’dera lauve sikungathandize vuto lanu – mapepala osachapidwa, zovala zonunkha ndi makwinya, zakudya zakale, ndi zinyalala zonyeketsa zonse ndi zopanda pake. Muyenera kutsatira zochita ndi zosayenera kuchita!
Tsegulani makatani ndi mazenera, yalani bedi lanu, ndipo khalani ndi sangweji yodzaza veggie ndi khofi. Sambani ndikutsuka tsitsi lanu. Pomaliza, sinthani zovala zatsopano. Padzakhala kusiyana kwakukulu m'mene mukumvera. Malo odetsedwa amakulitsa kusungulumwa. Mukukumbukira mwambi wakuti, ukhondo ndi umulungu?
Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
4. Mukalimbana ndi kusungulumwa, musalole kuti kudzidalira kwanu kukulepheretseni
Ngakhale kuli kovuta kukhulupirira, kulekana kwanu sikumapeto kwa dziko, ndipo sikumatanthawuza umunthu wanu wonse. Muyenera kukana chikhumbo chofuna makonda kutayika kwanu. Devaleena anati: “Ana amakulira m’malo opikisana kwambiri.” Kuyambira ali wamng’ono, amapangidwa kuti ‘apambane.
"Malangizo anga kwa inu ndi awa: musaganize kuti kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi vuto laumwini kapena kulephera. Iwo ndi gawo limodzi la moyo / maubwenzi. Kudzidalira kwanu sikuyenera kuvutika panthawiyi. Musatengeke maganizo monga 'Sindili bwino' kapena 'Ndikadakhala bwino'. Ubale si mpikisano womwe umapambana. "
5. Pewani kugwiritsa ntchito malo ochezera a pa Intaneti
Chifukwa ndi chipata chabe masewera a maganizo ndi chisoni. Zonse zimayamba ndi nkhani yomwe mumatumizira ex wanu makamaka. Mumadikirira kuti awone, muwatsatire panthawiyi, muyang'ane chithunzicho ndi munthu watsopano (komanso wokongola), ndikukhala ndi nkhawa. Mwina amayankha positi yanu ndipo mumayamba kucheza. Kukambitsirana kosalakwa ndi chiyani, sichoncho? Zolakwika.
Kugwera munjira yoyipa yolankhulirana ndi munthu wakale ndiko kulakwitsa kwakukulu. Zidzakupangitsani kumva moipa kwambiri kuposa kale. Nthawi zina, kukambirana ndi munthu wakale kumabweretsa kusokoneza komanso kutulutsa mawu omwe amakupangitsani kuti mukhale ndi malingaliro osagwirizana. Ndipo simufuna seweroli m'moyo wanu - simukufuna kuthana ndi kusungulumwa kachiwiri. Chotsani ex wanu pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti nthawi yomweyo; simupeza thandizo lililonse pamenepo.
Ndipo malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndiwo akuchititsa mliri wamasiku ano wosungulumwa. Anthu amadzimva kukhala osungulumwa paubwenzi ngakhale kuti ndi okondana kwambiri pa intaneti. Intaneti ndi yachiphamaso; ndibwino kuti mupume pang'ono kuchokera pazenera.
6. Pezani thandizo la akatswiri kuti muthane ndi kusungulumwa mukatha kutha
Ngakhale kukhala gulu lankhondo la munthu m'modzi ndikwabwino, kupeza chithandizo nthawi ndi nthawi ndi lingaliro labwino. Makamaka pamene mukuyesera kuthana ndi kusungulumwa popanda anzanu. Mlangizi kapena wothandizira angakuthandizeni kupenda bwino mkhalidwe wanu; simuli wanu kwambiri cholinga kudzikonda pamene kusweka wagunda thanthwe. Pali zambiri ubwino wotsimikiziridwa wa uphungu.
Devaleena akunena za chikhalidwe cha chithandizochi, "Sizitengera magawo ambiri kuti munthu ayambenso kuyenda. Kugwirana manja pang'ono kumawathandiza kuona zinthu mosiyana. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake katswiri wa zamaganizo ayenera kufikiridwa.
Thandizo la pa intaneti lochokera kwa alangizi a Bonobology lathandiza anthu ambiri atachoka pachibwenzi. Mutha kudalira ife kukhala ndi nsana wanu pamene mukuyenda panjira yovutayi m'moyo wanu. Machiritso ndi a pitani kutali.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 10 Zothana ndi Kusweka Mtima
7. Bwererani panjira
Faraaz Kazi ananena molimba mtima kuti, “Ngakhale kuti mtima wako utasweka bwanji, dziko silimatha chifukwa cha chisoni chako. Ndikudziwa kuti kulimbana ndi kusungulumwa pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi n’kovuta ndipo ntchito wamba zauchikulire zimaoneka ngati zokoka mtima. Koma kubwerera ku chizoloŵezi china ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yopezera kufanana kwa moyo wanu.
Pitani ku ntchito pa nthawi yake, kulowa nawo masewera olimbitsa thupi, idyani chakudya katatu patsiku, ndikutsatira ndondomeko yanthawi. Izi zidzakupangitsani kuti musokonezeke pang'ono - kukhala ndi malingaliro olakwika kosatha sikoyenera. Ndipo mukhoza kusintha kukhumudwa kapena mkwiyo wanu kuntchito. Koma chofunika kwambiri n’chakuti, kukhala ndi chizoloŵezi chidzakuthandizani kuti musanyengererenso nokha. Iyi ndiye njira yabwino kwambiri kupulumuka kusweka mtima. Monga tikunenera, chiwonetserocho chiyenera kupitilira.
8. Pitani kwa makolo anu
Amayi ndi Atate amadziwa bwino; Kukhala ndi nthawi yobwerera kunyumba kungakhale njira yabwino kwambiri yothanirana ndi kusudzulana kowawa. Khalani mwana wa m'nyumba ndikudzilola kuti musamalire. Kukambirana momasuka ndi kholo lokondedwa kungakutsogolereni kuyankha funso lofunika kwambiri - chifukwa chiyani ndimasungulumwa komanso kukhala ndekha nditasiyana?
Ndizodziwika bwino kuti ubale wathu ndi makolo athu umakhudza maubwenzi athu achikulire. Chifukwa chake, mawu akuti 'amayi/nkhani za abambo.' Ngati pali nkhani zina zimene sizinathe pakati panu ndi makolo anu, zithandizeni moleza mtima. Yesetsani kukulitsa ubale wabwino ndi iwo. Izi zidzatonthoza maganizo anu ovutika pamene akuyesera kuthana ndi kusungulumwa, komanso kukulepheretsani kugwera m'machitidwe omwewo m'tsogolomu.
9. Tsekani mutuwo kamodzi kokha
sindikusamala zomwe mumakhulupirira koma kukhala mabwenzi ndi ex wanu ndi lingaliro loyipa, loyipa, loyipa. Sizimagwira ntchito, ndipo mudzatha kubwererana. Kuphatikiza apo, mutha kuyanjananso pazifukwa zonse zolakwika. Ndiko kuti, kusimidwa, chizolowezi, kusatetezeka, kapena kugonana. Pali kuthekera kwakukulu kuti 'ubwenzi' wanu udzatsogolera ku ubale woyambiranso.
Samalirani chifukwa chomwe chinachititsa kuti banja lanu lithe; mudasiyana pazifukwa eti? Zinthu nthawi zonse ziziwoneka ngati zabwino mukamayang'ana kumbuyo ndipo mudzamusowa kwambiri wakale wanu. Ingodziwani kuti mukabwererana, nkhani zenizeni zidzasiyidwa pansi pa kapeti. Musagwirizane nawo kuti mupewe kusungulumwa.
10. N’cifukwa ciani ndimadziona kuti ndine wosungulumwa komanso wosungulumwa? Khalani osavuta nokha
Dzichitireni nokha monga momwe mungachitire ndi BFF wanu. Devaleena akuti, "Dzichepetseni pang'ono. Dzipatseni chifundo chofanana ndi chomwe mungapangire bwenzi lanu mumkhalidwe wofananawo. Khalani ndi zoyembekeza zenizeni kuchokera kwa inu nokha; kukhumudwa kumakhala chifukwa chofuna zambiri kuposa zomwe zingatheke. Kuchiritsa kumatenga nthawi ndi kuleza mtima. Mumaloledwa kulakwitsa ... "
Mnzanga wapamtima wapamtima adasiyana kwambiri chaka chatha. Patangopita masiku atatu atasiyana ndi mkazi wake wakale, anayambiranso ntchito ndipo anayambanso ntchito zina. Patatha mlungu umodzi wotanganidwa kwambiri, mafuta anatha ndipo anathyola kukhitchini yanga. “Ndikuchita zonse zomwe ndingathe kuti ndisamagwirizane. Ndikuuzani zomwe ndinamuuza, "Simungathe kukhala pamodzi nthawi zonse, muphulika. Ingopuma, sichoncho?"
Chidziwitso chapadera ngati mukuyesetsa kuthana ndi kusungulumwa ngati mwamuna: Simuyenera kukhala olimba kapena osachita chidwi panthawiyi. Imvani zakukhosi kwanu, lirani chisoni chanu. Phunzirani momwe mungadzikonde nokha ndi kunyalanyaza aliyense amene amayesa kukakamiza malingaliro opusa a zomwe mwamuna ayenera kukhala.
11. Pangani zisankho zomveka pamene mukulimbana ndi kusungulumwa
Kuthetsa chibwenzi mopanda tsankho ndi njira yobweretsera tsoka. Musati mupangitse kutha kwa kutha kwa moyo wanu wonse pamtengo uliwonse. Izi zidzangopangitsa kuti mupange zisankho zoipa monga kumwa mowa mwauchidakwa, kusuta fodya, mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kudya kwambiri, ndi zina zotero. Ganizirani mozama momwe mungathere. Zochita zanu mutatha kupatukana ziyenera kulunjika kwa inu nokha, osati kukumbukira ubale wolephera.
Devaleena akuti, “Musamale, ndipo muzingoganizira za inu nokha. Zosankha zanu zonse ziyenera kukuthandizani kukula kwamalingaliro pamene mukuyesera kuthana ndi kusungulumwa. " Palibe kuyimba moledzera, chonde.
Zimenezo zinali zongoganizira kwambiri, mungangofunika kuphatikizira zina ndikupita nazo kunyumba. Nthabwala padera, khalani ndi zomwe mwawerenga. Chitani izi mwa mphamvu zanu panthawi yanu. Ndine wotsimikiza za mphamvu zawo kuti mumve bwino. Onetsetsani kuti mwatiuza momwe mukuchitira - ndife okondwa kumva kuchokera kwa inu. Simudzakhala osungulumwa ndi Bonobology kuzungulira.
Zinthu 20 Zosangalatsa Zochita Pambuyo pa Kuthetsa Chibwenzi!
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
