Kufuna ubale wotseguka si lingaliro latsopano masiku ano. Tsopano popeza bwalo lachibwenzi lakula kwambiri kuposa kale, maubwenzi otseguka akukwera komanso ponseponse. Anthu ambiri safuna kumangika kwa munthu m'modzi chifukwa onse amafunitsitsa kufufuza ndikukhala ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana ndi anthu apadera.
Kudzipereka sikutengera konse kumbuyo. Ngakhale kuti sizimawombera mfuti, kudzipereka kumakhalabe mu limbo pamene wina ali paubwenzi womasuka. Ulemu, chisamaliro ndi chikondi zimakhalabe koma kukhulupirika kwathunthu kuzimiririka. Ubale womasuka sungathe kugwira ntchito kwa aliyense.
Ubale Wotseguka Siungathe Kutha Monga Timayembekezera
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Wokondedwa yemwe mumagawana naye ubale wina wapamtima - wamalingaliro komanso mwakuthupi - wopanda malire akukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi komanso kukhulupirika komwe kumakutsekerani. Mwachidziwitso, ubale wotseguka umamveka ngati njira yabwino kwambiri yokhala ndi zabwino zonse.
Muli ndi mnzanu wapamtima koma mulibe zingwe, palibe chikakamizo cha kudzipereka. Kupambana-kupambana, chabwino? Chabwino, zitha kuwoneka ngati mpaka wina atayamba kukhala wotanganidwa komanso wokondana ndi mnzake. Ndipamene mavuto m’paradaiso amayamba.
Pamene msungwana uyu adazindikira movutirapo ...
Ndinakula msanga ndipo ndinkafuna kukhala wabwino
Ndili ndi zaka 20 ndikukhala mu hostel ku Pune, ndimaganiza kuti ndili ndi kulimba mtima, ufulu komanso kuganiza mozama kuti ndichite chilichonse chomwe chimandisangalatsa komanso kuoneka 'wozizira'. Kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 70, kuti mtsikana apite ku MBA ku Symbiosis Institute inali nkhani yonyadira komanso yopambana.
Ndinakula msanga kwambiri chifukwa cha zovuta za moyo. Kugonana kwanga koyamba ndili ndi zaka 17 komanso ndi mwamuna wokwatira wazaka 35. Tinkachita izi mobwerezabwereza mpaka ndinazindikira kuti ndinali mkazi 'wina' m'moyo wake.
Apa ndipamene ndinadziwa kuti ndiyenera kutero kusiya kucheza ndi mwamuna wokwatira. Pamene ndinali kukula, ndinaganiza kuti sizingandipweteke kukhala paubwenzi womasuka. Ndinali nditaona abwenzi anga ambiri akupusitsidwa moti ndinaona kuti ndi bwino kumangogona ndi munthu wina pamene ndili ndi munthu mmodzi.
Tikatero sitikhumudwitsana. Ndimadana ndi sewero ndipo ndinaganiza kuti ndikhale wowona mtima mwankhanza momwe ndimamvera maubwenzi omasuka.
Kuwerenga Kofanana:Kodi ukwati womasuka ndi chiyani ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani anthu amasankha kukhala nawo?
Tiyeni tikhale omasuka ndi oona mtima, ndinapereka lingaliro
Ndinakumana ndi mnyamata wina kuntchito ndipo tinayamba chibwenzi. Ku chibwenzi ndi mtsikana kuntchito sanali wotchuka kwambiri mu ofesi mwanga. Patapita masiku angapo ndinamuuza kuti ndili bwino ngati atasochera, bola andiuze amene akuchita naye. Ndinali bwino ndi lingaliro lokhala mu ubale wotseguka.
Ndinamuuzanso kuti asayembekezere kuti ndidzakhala wake 'pabedi' wake. Monga munthu wogonana, ngakhale ine ndinkafuna kuyesa amuna ena ndikukhala ndi chitetezo ndi chitonthozo kuchokera kwa mwamuna mmodzi. Tonse tinavomera ndipo tinayamba ubale wathu ndi chilungamo chofanana kuchokera kwa onse awiri.
Nditauza anzanga za makonzedwewo, sanandimvetse ndipo ankati ndine wamisala. Wina anandiuza kuti, "Ungakhale bwanji bwino pogawana mwamuna wako ndi akazi ena? Ndipo ngati ali bwino ndi iwe kugona ndi amuna ena, ndiye kuti iye samakusamalira iwe!".
Lingaliro la ubale womasuka silinakonde aliyense wondizungulira. Madzulo atsiku limenelo ndinabwera kunyumba n’kuimbira foni chibwenzi changa. Sanayankhe.
Patatha maola ochepa adanditumizira meseji, "Babe amagonana ndi mtsikana amene ndinakumana naye ku bar, kuli bwanji?" Ndinalephera kudziletsa ndipo ndinamuyimbira n’kuyamba kumulalatira. Ndinakhumudwa kwambiri nditadziwa kuchokera kwa mnzanga kuti sakundisamala.
Chifukwa chokha chimene ine ndinayamba ndinkafuna lotseguka ubale anali kuonetsetsa ine konse kuvulazidwa. Panthawi imeneyo, kumverera kwa kusasamalidwa kunkawoneka kowawa kwambiri kuposa chiyembekezo cha kunyenga pachibwenzi.
Sindingathenso kutenga izi!
Ndinamuimbira chibwenzi kuti tikumane. Anandilakwira chifukwa chomukwiyira pomwe linali lingaliro langa kuti ndimulole kuti agonane ndi akazi ena. Ndinamufunsa kuti, “Kodi umandikonda? ndipo iye anayankha, “Inde!
“Ndiye bwanji osandiletsa kugona ndi amuna ena? Mawu amenewa atangotuluka m’kamwa mwanga, ndinazindikira kuti ndikunong’oneza bondo chifukwa chokhala pachibwenzi chomasuka.
Ndinkafuna kudziteteza ku zowawa zomwe mwamuna aliyense angandibweretsere ndipo ndinazindikira kuti ndadzilowetsa mumsampha umenewu. Ndine kucheza ndi player? Chofunika koposa, kodi inenso ndinali kukhala mmodzi?
"Chabwino, ndimaganiza kuti tili ndi dongosolo. Simunakhale ndi vuto kuti ndigonane ndi akazi ena ndipo tsopano ndazolowera. Mukandifunsa kuti ndikhale ndi mkazi mmodzi sindingathe. Koma ngati mukufuna kusiya kugona ndi kusankha kwanu," adatero.
Momwe ndimafuna kumuuza kuti asiye, ndinazindikira kuti palibe mwamuna amene angafune kusiya mwayi woti achite chibwenzi ndi mkazi komanso kuloledwa kusokera.
Tsopano nthawi yatha ndipo zimawawa
Ndikanati ndisamuuze mnzanga amene anandipangitsa kuzindikira kuti ndinali wopusa kuti ndikhale ndi chibwenzi chomasuka. Chimene ndinkafuna chinali kuona mtima ndipo ndikanatha kuchipeza pokhala mkazi mmodzi. Kuona mtima ndi chimodzi mwazo zigawo zofunika za chikhulupiriro mu ubale.
Ndimakonda bwenzi langa ndipo pamene ine tsopano ndikufuna wokhazikika ubwenzi, iye akusonyeza kuti ine ndikhoza kumusiya ngati ine sindiri bwino ndi kukhala pa ubwenzi womasuka monga ine anafunsira. Ndikanakondanso ndikadakhazikitsa chikhalidwe pomwe tidayamba chibwenzi kuti ndikhoza kumupempha kuti adzipatula ndikaganiza kuti nthawi yakwana, koma ndidawona kuti kuchedwa kuti ndichite zimenezo.
Kusankha Ubale Wotseguka - Zomwe Mungachite ndi Zosachita
| Awiri | Dziwani |
| Khazikitsani malire: Malire ndi ofunika kwambiri paubwenzi womasuka. Pankhani yogonana, malingaliro kapena kuchuluka kwa nthawi zomwe mumamwa khofi pamodzi, malamulo omveka bwino ndi omwe amasunga ubale wotseguka. | Osanama: Cholinga chonse chokhala pachibwenzi ndichoti mukhale omasuka komanso oona mtima pazochita zanu zonse zogonana ndi wokondedwa wanu woyamba. Ngati mumanama pamene muli kale ndi ufulu wambiri, zinthu zikhoza kutha kwa inu nonse awiri. |
| Gwiritsani ntchito chitetezo nthawi zonse: Mukakhala ndi zibwenzi zingapo, udindo uli pa inu kukhala osamala momwe mungathere. Simukufuna kupatsirana matenda opatsirana pogonana kwa okondedwa anu muubwenzi womasuka. | Osawanyalanyaza: Ngakhale kuti chibwenzi chanu ndi chomasuka, muli ndi ngongole kwa wokondedwa wanu. Ndikofunika kuti mupitirize kuwachitira zabwino. Osawanyalanyaza kapena kuwaponyera pambali chifukwa wapeza bwenzi lina. |
| Dziwani nthawi yobwerera: Ngakhale mutafotokozera zolinga zanu momveka bwino, maubwenzi omasuka amatha kusokonezeka mwamsanga chifukwa chofuna kudzipereka. Ngati muwona zinthu zikupita kutsika ndikukhala zovuta kwambiri, bwererani mosamala osapangitsa zinthu kukhala zovuta. | Osatengera nsanje: Ngati mnzako akudzutsa nkhawa, musawapewe pomutchula kuti ndi nsanje komanso osadziteteza. Mvetserani kwa iwo, mvetsetsani malingaliro awo chifukwa muyenera kupitiriza kuwalemekeza mosasamala kanthu kuti mukuwonanso ndani. |
(Monga adauza Ajinkya Sontakke)
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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
Nkhaniyi ikuwoneka ngati yabodza. Adachita MBA yake kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 70s ndi Mobile ndipo kutumizirana mameseji kunali m'malo mochedwa 90s. Chifukwa chake pofika nthawi yomwe amayenera kukhala ali muzaka za 40s ndipo ndizovuta kumvetsetsa gawo lomwe mtsikanayo anali asanakhwime ngakhale m'zaka za m'ma 40.