Mkazi Wanga Akufuna Ukwati Wotseguka: Malangizo 17 Oyenda

Ubale umasintha pakapita nthawi, ndipo chifukwa cha kusinthaku nthawi zambiri pamabwera mavuto ndi mwayi watsopano. Vuto limodzi lotere limabwera pamene mnzanu akuwonetsa chidwi chofufuza ukwati wotseguka. Izi zitha kukhala zosokoneza komanso zokhumudwitsa, makamaka ngati lingalirolo ndi latsopano kwa inu. Zingamveke zovuta, makamaka ngati simukudziwa momwe mungasinthire kusinthaku. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit adagawana zomwe adakumana nazo za momwe mkazi wake adayankhira nkhani ya ukwati wotseguka atatha zaka zambiri limodzi. "Mkazi wanga akufuna ukwati wotseguka," adaganiza, ndipo sankadziwa momwe angayankhire. Kuyenda m'zovuta za zokambiranazi kumafuna kulankhulana momasuka, kudalirana, komanso kumvetsetsa zomwe kusinthaku kungatanthauze kwa onse awiri.

Wogwiritsa ntchitoyo adagawana kuti iye ndi mkazi wake adakhala limodzi kwa zaka pafupifupi 10, adakwatirana zaka 7, ndipo anali ndi ana aang'ono awiri. Tsiku lina madzulo, mkazi wake atapita kokamwa mowa ndi anzake, iye anabwerera kunyumba ali bwinobwino n’kuyamba kukambirana zimene zikanasintha ubwenzi wawo. Pamene anali kukambirana, iye anamufunsa kuti, “Kodi nchiyani chimene sunachite chimene ukufuna kuchichita? Poyamba funsoli linkaoneka ngati losalakwa, koma linatsogolera ku mfundo ina yozama kwambiri. Kenako anafunsa kuti, “Kodi mungaganize zotsegula ukwati wathu?” Iye anali asanaganizepo n’komwe za zimenezi, choncho anayankha kuti, “Kodi simukuda nkhawa ndi nsanje? Iye anagwedezeka ndikuyankha, "Ayi." Mwachidwi, iye anawonjezera kuti, “Kodi muli ndi winawake m’maganizo mwake?” Iye anayankha kuti, “Ayi.” Posakayikira za lingalirolo, iye anafunsa kuti, “Kodi izi zingagwire ntchito bwanji?” Anayankha, "Sindikudziwa ... mwina ndiyambe ndi atatu ndi mtsikana." Nkhaniyo inathera pomwepo, koma mbewuyo idabzalidwa, zomwe zinamusiya ali wodabwa kuti achite bwanji.

Kaya maganizo anu ndi otani pa ukwati wotseguka, mungavomereze kuti vutoli ndi lovuta kulithetsa. Kuti tipeze chidziwitso chothana ndi vutoli komanso momwe tingakhalire ndi ukwati wotseguka, tidalankhula ndi dokotala wa matenda amisala komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo ku California, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD mu matenda amisala), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wokhudza kulekana ndi kusudzulana, kusudzulana ndi chibwenzi, komanso nkhani zokhudzana ndi kuyanjana kwa anthu asanakwatirane.

Kodi Ukwati Wotsegula N'chiyani?

Dr. Batra akuti, "Pachimake, ukwati wotseguka ndi mgwirizano wogwirizana pakati pa okwatirana kuti atsatire maubwenzi kapena maubwenzi kunja kwa ukwati wawo pamene akusunga kudzipereka kwawo kwakukulu kwa wina ndi mnzake. Mosiyana ndi nkhani, zomwe zimakula chifukwa cha chinsinsi, maukwati otseguka amamangidwa pa kuwonekera bwino, kulankhulana, ndi kudalirana." Amachokera ku lingaliro lakuti chikondi ndi kulumikizana sizinthu zochepa ndipo kufufuza maubwenzi amenewa kungagwirizane ndi mgwirizano wolimba waukwati. Malamulo ndi kapangidwe ka maukwati otseguka zimatha kusiyana kwambiri, koma mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti: kudzipereka ku kuwona mtima ndi kumvetsetsana.

Maukwati omasuka amatsutsa mfundo zachikhalidwe za kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi. Amapempha maanja kuti afotokozenso tanthauzo la chiyanjano ndi chiyanjano kwa iwo, nthawi zambiri zomwe zimafuna kuti azigwira ntchito mozama kuti awonetsetse kuti onse awiri amalemekezedwa ndi kuyamikiridwa. Dongosololi si la aliyense, koma kwa ena, limapereka njira yokulira payekha komanso ngati banja.

Chifukwa Chiyani Mkazi Angafune Ukwati Wotseguka

"Mkazi wanga akufuna kutsegula ukwati wathu. Koma chifukwa chiyani?" Mkazi akafuna ukwati wotseguka, zifukwa zake zimakhala zaumwini komanso zambiri. Nthawi zambiri zimachokera ku chikhumbo chofuna kusiyanasiyana, kukula kwaumwini, kapena kulumikizana kwakukulu kwakuthupi ndi kwamalingaliro . Chikhumbochi sichisonyeza kusakhutira koma chingasonyeze chikhumbo chofuna kufufuza kapena kudzipeza wekha. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akupitiliza,

“Pafupifupi mlungu umodzi pambuyo pake, nditafufuza mosalekeza, ndinam’funsa funso lalikulu lakuti “Chifukwa chiyani?” Iye akunena kuti tinasonkhana pamodzi achichepere ndipo amamva ngati anaphonya pa kufufuza kwina.

Zifukwa zina zofala zimene mkazi angafune kutsegula ukwati ndi izi:

• Kusakwaniritsidwa m'malingaliro: Azimayi ena amadzimva kuti alibe chiyanjano kapena osasunthika mkati mwa zomwe zikuchitika pa ubale wawo, zomwe zimawapangitsa kufunafuna maubwenzi akunja omwe amatsitsimutsa maganizo.
• Chidwi ndi kufufuza: Chikhumbo chokhala ndi kulumikizana kwatsopano, malingaliro, ndi mayanjano pomwe mukukhalabe ndi ubale wamphamvu
• Kukula kwanu: Pamene anthu akusintha, zosowa zawo ndi malingaliro awo pa maubwenzi amatha kusintha. Ukwati womasuka ungamve ngati chinthu chachibadwa kwa iwo omwe akufufuza mbali zatsopano za umunthu wawo
• Kubwezeretsa chikondi: Akazi ena angaone makonzedwe omasuka monga njira yochitira sungani motowo mu ubale wawo woyamba, kupanga mipata yakukulirana ndi ubwenzi

Lingaliro ili limawonekera pamene okondedwa akumva omasuka kuti akambirane momasuka za zosowa zawo zomwe zikukula. Kumvetsetsa zomwe zimayambitsa kungathandize onse awiri kuti azitha kukambirana bwino kwambiri.

Mkazi Wanga Akufuna Ukwati Wotseguka - Malangizo 17 Oyendetsera Mkhalidwewo

Mkazi wanu akasonyeza kuti akufuna kukhala ndi banja lomasuka, zingamve ngati zasokonezeka maganizo. Zimene mungachite mwamsanga zingangoyambira pa kudabwa ndi kusokonezeka maganizo, kufuna kudziŵa kapena kukwiya kumene. Monga wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit adanenera, 

“Mkazi wanga amafuna kukhala ndi banja lomasuka.” Ndakhala ndikulimbana ndi zimenezi ndipo ndinkafuna kupeza malangizo a mmene ndingachitire ndi banja lathu.

Dr. Batra akulangiza kuti, "Kuthetsa vutoli ndi maganizo otseguka ndikofunika kwambiri kuti pakhale kukambirana kolimbikitsa. Kusankha kufunafuna ukwati wotseguka kumafuna ulemu , kufunitsitsa kufunsa mafunso ovuta, komanso kulimba mtima kuti muyankhe moona mtima. Nazi njira zina zomwe zingathandize pokambirana motere, kuthandiza onse awiri kumva kuti akumvedwa komanso kulemekezedwa.

1. Mvetserani zifukwa zake

Mkazi wanu akanena kuti akufuna kufufuza banja lomasuka, m'pofunika kumvetsetsa kaye zifukwa zake. Awa ndiye maziko a zokambirana zilizonse zopindulitsa pamutuwu. 

• Kodi akumva kusakhazikika muubwenzi? 
• Kodi amafunitsitsa ulendo?
• Kapena kodi ndi kufunikira kwa kukula kwaumwini komwe akuona kuti kungafufuzidwe mwaukwati womasuka?

Pomvetsetsa zifukwa zake, mutha kukambirana mopanda kudziteteza kapena kutanthauzira molakwika. Dr. Batra amalangiza kufunsa mafunso monga akuti, “Kodi kukhala ndi banja lomasuka kumatanthauza chiyani kwa inu?” Funsoli limamuthandiza kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake, ndikupereka chidziwitso chofunikira pamalingaliro omwe nonse mungayende nawo limodzi.

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2. Dziwitsani maganizo anu

Ganizirani mmene pempho lake limakukhudzirani. Dr. Batra anati: “Kodi zimene mumachita zimayamba chifukwa choopa kukukanidwa, kusadzidalira, kapena kufuna kudziŵa kwenikweni?

David anatiuza kuti: “Nditadziwa kuti mkazi wanga akufuna kukhala naye limodzi, ndinayamba kuchita nsanje komanso kudzikayikira.” Nditaganizira kaye nkhaniyi, ndinazindikira kuti sindinkafuna kugawana naye chibwenzi, koma ndinkaopa kuti mwina angataye.

3. Lankhulani momasuka

Pofotokoza limodzi mwa malangizo ofunikira kwambiri, Dr Batra akugawana kuti, “Pangani malo okambirana opanda kuweruza. Fotokozani zosowa zanu ndi nkhawa zanu pamene mukulola kuti azigawana zake.” Izi zitha kuchitika polemba mafunso molimbikitsa, monga, “Kodi tingatsimikizire bwanji kuti mgwirizano wathu ukhale wolimba pamene tikufufuza lingaliro ili?”

Paul anali m’banja kwa zaka 10 pamene mkazi wake, Emma, ​​anasonyeza kuti anali ndi chidwi ndi ukwati womasuka. Poyamba, adamva kuti waperekedwa komanso wosokonezeka, koma atakambirana kwanthawi yayitali pomwe onse anali pachiwopsezo pamalingaliro awo, adazindikira kuti Emma sakufuna kulowa m'malo mwa Paulo koma amangolakalaka zatsopano. Kulankhulana kwawo momasuka kunathandizira kukhazikitsa maziko okambirana malire ndi ziyembekezo zopita patsogolo.

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4. Khalani ndi malire

Pothana ndi vuto la “Mkazi wanga akufuna ukwati wotseguka,” kukhazikitsa malire n’kofunika kwambiri. Malire amakhala ngati chitetezo kwa onse awiri, kuonetsetsa kuti onse awiri akumva kulemekezedwa komanso kukhala otetezeka mkati mwa dongosolo latsopanoli. Ndikofunikira kukambirana zomwe mnzanu aliyense ali nazo komanso zomwe sali nazo. Malire ena angaphatikizepo kuchepetsa kutenga nawo mbali kwa mabwenzi, kupatula maubwenzi amaganizo, kapena kukhazikitsa malire pa kuchuluka kwa nthawi zomwe amakumana. Mwa kukhazikitsa malire awa, onse awiri akhoza kukhala otsimikiza kuti zosowa zawo zikulemekezedwa ndipo nkhawa zawo zikuyankhidwa.

Tim anatiuza kuti: “Mkazi wanga amafuna kuti banja liziyenda bwino ndipo sindili bwino. Pamene Rachel anandipempha kuti ndiganize zokwatirana momasuka, ndinazindikira kuti sindingathe kukhala ndi munthu wina osati iye.

5. Funsani chitsogozo cha akatswiri

Nthawi zina, zovuta zoyendetsera ukwati wotseguka zimatha kuthetsedwa bwino ndi thandizo la katswiri. Mlangizi kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo angathandize kuthetsa malingaliro ndikupereka njira zothanirana ndi vutoli. Kugwira ntchito ndi munthu wodziwa bwino maubwenzi otseguka kungapereke upangiri woyenera ndikuwonetsetsa kuti inu ndi mnzanu muli ndi lingaliro limodzi. Akatswiri a zamaganizo, monga gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology , angakuthandizeni kukonza malingaliro anu, kukuphunzitsani momwe mungalankhulire bwino, ndikukutsogolerani kudzera m'mavuto omwe angayambitse kutsegula ukwati wanu.

6. Fufuzani pamodzi

Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti: “Musanakane lingaliro limeneli, patulani nthaŵi yofufuza njira ndi malingaliro a maukwati omasuka.” Izi zingaphatikizepo:

• Kuwerenga mabuku
• Kumvera ma podcasts
• Kulumikizana ndi zolemba kuti mumvetsetse zovuta zomwe zingakhalepo komanso zopindulitsa 

Kafukufuku wogwirizana pa momwe mungakhalire ndi ukwati wotseguka amatsimikizira kuti onse awiri akudziwana bwino. Monga momwe wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu adalangizira, "Okwatirana onse awiri ayenera kukhala okhwima kwambiri m'maganizo ndikumvetsetsa zomwe akuchita. Kafukufuku wambiri ayenera kuchitika ndipo ngati mwasankha kupitiriza, muyenera kukhazikitsa malamulo okhwima komanso ofulumira a ubale wotseguka ndi malire musanayambe kulankhula ndi ena. Ngati munthu mmodzi sakumasukanso, ayenera kusiya."

7. Unikani ubale wanu

Musanavomere kukhala ndi banja lomasuka, ndi bwino kuunika momwe chibwenzi chanu chilili kuti mudziwe chifukwa chake. Kodi lingaliro ili:

• Yankho ku zosakwaniritsidwa zosowa zam'maganizo
• Kuwunikanso kwapakati pa moyo
• Kapena kungofuna kudziwa? 

Kumvetsetsa mkhalidwe waubwenzi wanu kungatsogolere ngati ukwati womasuka uli sitepe loyenera.

8. Fotokozani zomwe zingatheke

Mutamvetsetsana maganizo ndi malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake, ndi nthawi yoti mufotokoze zomwe zingakambitsidwe m'makonzedwe abanja omasuka. Kodi zinthu zina, monga ubwenzi wapamtima, ndizovomerezeka, koma kulumikizana kozama kwambiri ndi malire? Kufotokozera zomwe wina aliyense angagwirizane nazo komanso zomwe sangathe kuchita kumathandiza kupewa kusamvana ndikuwonetsetsa kuti onse awiri ali omasuka ndi dongosololi.

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9. Khazikitsani nthawi

Khazikitsani nthawi zomveka bwino zowunika momwe makonzedwewo amagwirira ntchito. Izi zitha kuphatikiza nthawi yoyeserera ya miyezi isanu ndi umodzi pomwe nonse mumayang'ana pafupipafupi kuti mukambirane zakukhosi, zovuta, ndi kusintha. Ben akutiuza mmene anachitira zinthu ngati zimenezi. "Nditadziwa kuti mkazi wanga akufuna kukhala ndi banja lomasuka, sizinali choncho kuti ndionenso anthu ena kupatula Olivia chifukwa sindine munthu woti ndingathe kukhala ndi zibwenzi zambiri." Koma momwe tinakambirana, ndinazindikira kuti mkazi wanga akufuna ukwati womasuka ngati palibe. gwirani nsanje, tisiya.

10. Muziganizira kwambiri kukhulupirirana

Kudalirana ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse, ndipo ndikofunikira kwambiri muukwati wotseguka. Maukwati otseguka amakula bwino ngati pali kuwonekera poyera, kuwona mtima, ndi kulankhulana momveka bwino. Popanda kudalirana, kusamvana, nsanje, ndi mkwiyo zimatha kuwononga ubale mosavuta. Upangiri wina wochokera kwa Dr. Batra ndi wakuti, “Ngati nkhani zodalirana zilipo kale pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu, yambani nkhanizo musanayambe.” Kumanga ndi kusunga kudalirana kumafuna kulankhulana nthawi zonse komanso kuwonekera poyera.

11. Fotokozani zokhumba zanu

Ngakhale kuli kofunika kumvetsera ndi kumvetsetsa zokhumba za mkazi wanu, musanyalanyaze kufotokoza zofuna zanu. Maukwati omasuka amaphatikizapo okwatirana onse kupanga masinthidwe, ndipo mawu anu ayenera kuimiridwa mofanana. Dziwani momveka bwino zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu otetezeka, zomwe zikukudetsani nkhawa, komanso zomwe mukuganiza za tsogolo la ubale wanu. Kugawana malingaliro anu enieni, kaya ndi kuthekera kwa banja lomasuka kapena kusungitsa kulikonse, kumathandiza kuonetsetsa kuti nonse mukugwirizana ndi zomwe mukuyembekezera.

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12. Yesani madzi;

Ganizirani kutenga njira zing'onozing'ono, zopanda kudzipereka kuti mumvetsetse mfundoyi. Kupezeka pazochitika zokhudzana ndi maubwenzi otseguka kapena kufufuza zochitika zongopeka pamodzi kungapereke chidziwitso pamikhalidwe yabwino. Mutha kuyamba ndi:

• Kuganizira za atatu ndi okondedwa owonjezera
• kupanga zibwenzi mbiri pa mapulogalamu kuti musakatule zomwe mungasankhe
• Kupita masiku wamba koma kusunga kugonana pa tebulo

13. Khalanibe ndi nthabwala

Kuseka kungakhale chida champhamvu chothetsera mikangano m’kukambitsirana kwakukulu. Dr. Batra akulangiza kugwiritsa ntchito nthabwala kuti pakhale malo omasuka ndi omasuka pokambirana nkhani zokhuza maganizo monga ukwati womasuka. Kuchita nthabwala za zochitika zomwe zingatheke kapena kukambirana nkhani zoseketsa kungathandize kuthetsa vutoli.

14. Yang'anani nthawi zonse

Mutakhazikitsa maziko a ukwati womasuka, m'pofunika kuti muziyendera nthawi zonse kuti muwone momwe nonse mukumvera. Kulowa uku kukuyenera kukhala malo omwe onse awiri angathe: 

• Nenani nkhawa zilizonse
• Gawani zatsopano
• Ndipo sinthani malire ngati kuli kofunikira. 

Kukhazikitsa ndondomeko yobwerezabwereza ya zokambiranazi kumapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wowonekera ndipo onse awiri amamva kuti akumveka. Zimakupatsaninso mwayi wokondwerera zomwe mwapeza panjira.

15. Muziika patsogolo ubwenzi wanu

Ukwati wotseguka sikutanthauza kunyalanyaza maziko a ubale wanu. Ndikofunikira kupitiriza kuika patsogolo ubale womwe unakupangitsani kukhala pamodzi poyamba. Dr. Batra akulangiza okwatirana kuti azitsatira miyambo monga madeti , zosangalatsa zofanana, kapena kukambirana kopindulitsa kuti ubale wawo ukhalebe wolimba.

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16. Dziwani nthawi yoti muchoke

Si ubale uliwonse womwe umayenera kukhala wotseguka. Ngati, mutafufuza lingalirolo, mupeza kuti likubweretsa mavuto ambiri kuposa abwino kapena ngati mnzanu m'modzi sakukhutira ndi dongosololi, ndibwino kuwunikanso ndikusankha kuti si njira yoyenera kwa inu. Kuteteza thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndi lamaganizo ndikofunikira kwambiri, ndipo nthawi zina izi zikutanthauza kusankha kubwerera ku ubale wachikhalidwe wa monogamous kapena kuwunikanso ubalewo kwathunthu.

17. Khalani omasuka

Yandikirani ulendo wowona banja lotseguka ndi kufunitsitsa kuphunzira ndikukula, aliyense payekha komanso ngati banja. Ngakhale dongosolo silikuyenda bwino, kukhala womasuka ku kukula ndi kusintha kungathandize kumvetsetsa bwino za inu nokha ndi mnzanuyo. Kukhala omasuka kumakupatsani mwayi woyenda ulendowu mwachifundo komanso mwachidwi, zomwe zimalimbitsa ubale wanu, mosasamala kanthu za zotsatira zake.

Kodi Ukwati Wotsegula Ndi Woyenera Kwa Inu?

Musanapange chisankho chilichonse, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti ukwati wotseguka sikutanthauza kusowa chikondi kapena kudzipereka. M'malo mwake, nthawi zambiri umasonyeza zilakolako zomwe zimasintha za kukula kwaumwini, kusiyanasiyana, kapena maubwenzi akuya omwe anthu ena amakhulupirira kuti angathandize ukwati wabwino . Dr. Batra akuti, "Kufufuza ngati njira iyi ikuyenererani kumafuna kudzipenda moona mtima komanso kulankhulana momveka bwino. Yankho la "Kodi ukwati wotseguka ungagwire ntchito?" limadalira kwambiri zomwe inu ndi mnzanu mumaganiza za ukwatiwo." Mafunso otsatirawa angakuthandizeni kudziwa ngati ukwati wotseguka ndiye chisankho choyenera paubwenzi wanu:

• Chitetezo chaumwini: Kodi mungatani kuti musamachite nsanje kapena kusadzidalira pamene mukulimbikitsa kuti muzikhulupirirana? Ngati ndinu munthu wokhala ndi zilakolako, ndiye kuti kugawana bwenzi lanu ndi anthu ena sikuli bwino kwa inu
• Kulumikizana mwamphamvu: Kodi nonse ndinu okonzeka kuwonekera poyera komanso kusatetezeka ku dongosololi? Ukwati womasuka umafuna kuchita zinthu moonekera kwambiri kuposa mwamuna ndi mkazi mmodzi. Muyenera kuyang'ana pafupipafupi momwe mukumvera, kudziwa zomwe muyenera kufotokozera komanso zomwe mungakonde kudzisunga nokha, ndi zina zotero.
• Zolinga zogawana: Kodi nonse mumagwirizana pa zomwe mukufuna kukwaniritsa kudzera mukufufuza uku? Ngati sichoncho, kodi ndinu okonzeka kuyesetsa kugwirizanitsa? Komanso, onetsetsani kuti mukukondwera ndi dongosololi osati kungosangalatsa mnzanu.

Pamapeto pake, chigamulocho chiyenera kuchokera ku kulemekezana ndi kugwirizana. Ukwati womasuka ungapereke kukula ndi ubwenzi wapamtima kwa ena, koma kwa ena, kungasonyeze kusiyana kwakukulu. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuika patsogolo moyo wanu wamaganizo ndikuwonetsetsa kuti njira iliyonse yomwe mungasankhe ikugwirizana ndi zomwe mumakonda komanso chisangalalo cha nthawi yaitali.

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Mkazi wanu akafuna kukhala ndi banja lomasuka, pamakhala kusintha kwakukulu. Kwa maanja ena, ndi mwayi wokulira limodzi ndikuganiziranso ubale wawo. Kwa ena, zitha kuwonetsa kufunika kothana ndi zovuta kapena kufufuza njira zina zothetsera. Choncho, kodi ukwati womasuka ungagwire ntchito? Kwa ambiri, imapereka njira yolumikizirana komanso kumvetsetsana. Kwa ena, zitha kuwonetsa zosagwirizana. Zirizonse zotulukapo zake, ulendowu umafuna kulimba mtima, kukhulupirika, ndi kudzipereka kogawana pakukula—kaya kukulaku kumachitika limodzi kapena mosiyana.

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