Kodi Mungakhale Paubwenzi Wachikondi ndi Winawake? Zizindikiro 10 Zomwe Zimatero

Kupeza kuti ndili paubwenzi wachikondi kunali ngati kugwa m'malo okhudzidwa kwambiri, ophatikizana ndi chikondi chosawoneka bwino chomwe chimatsutsana ndi zilembo zachikhalidwe. Zonse zinayamba ndi mlingo wa ubwenzi wapamtima umene unaposa mabwenzi enieni; tinadzipeza tikugawana malingaliro ndi momwe tikumvera m'njira yolozera china chake chakuya.

Maganizo amenewa anali osokoneza, kunena pang'ono, chifukwa lingaliro lakuti mabwenzi ndi chikondi sizimasakanikirana lakhala lozama kwambiri m'maganizo mwathu. Komabe, kafukufuku wosangalatsa wa 2021 wandithandiza kusintha maganizo anga. Monga gawo la kafukufukuyu, ophunzira aku yunivesite ndi akuluakulu tinawafunsa kuti afotokoze makhalidwe omwe amawagwirizanitsa ndi ubwenzi ndi omwe amawagwirizanitsa ndi chikondi chachikondi. Anamaliza ndi mafotokozedwe ofanana kwambiri kwa onse awiri.

Ofufuzawa adapezanso kuti magawo awiri mwa atatu a okwatirana amayamba ngati mabwenzi. Koma bwanji ngati tidzipeza tokha kunja kwaubwenzi wachikondi binary? Bwanji ngati chikondi chathu chokhutiritsa kwambiri chili pakati pa ubwenzi ndi chibwenzi? Bwanji ngati lingaliro lathu la kudzipereka silinazikidwa pa chikondi chachikondi, koma lozikidwa zolimba mu ubwenzi? Apa ndipamene mzere waubwenzi ndi chikondi umasokonekera, ndipo tikulowera m'gawo la mabwenzi achikondi. Tiyeni tione bwinobwino tanthauzo la ubwenzi wachikondi woterowo.

Kodi Ubwenzi Wachikondi N'chiyani?

Kodi ubwenzi wachikondi ndi chiyani? Ndipo kodi mungakhale wachikondi ndi mnzanu? Ndi ubale wa anthu awiri omwe ndi ochulukirapo kuposa mabwenzi , koma osakondana, omwe chikondi chawo chamkati, chikondi chakuya, ndi kudzipereka kwawo kuli kofanana ndi kwa okwatirana/okwatirana achikhalidwe, popanda chiwerewere.

Mawu akuti ubwenzi wapamtima amayambira nthawi imene amuna ndi akazi ankakondana kwambiri, ngakhalenso kungosankhana okha basi. Ena adaperekanso maukwati ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso zibwenzi zachikhalidwe kuti athe kukhazikika ndi bwenzi lawo lapamtima, kugawana nyumba yawo, tebulo, ngakhale chikwama - popanda kudzimvera chisoni. Izi zinali makamaka maubwenzi osagonana, koma kusowa kwa kugonana sichinthu chofotokozera za ubwenzi wapamtima.

Makonzedwe otere amalembedwa bwino m'mabuku a Renaissance okhudza maubwenzi aamuna ndipo anali ndi moyo wawo muzaka za m'ma 1900 mpaka kumayambiriro kwa zaka za m'ma 2000 ku America monga maukwati a Boston. Maukwati a ku Boston ankaphatikizapo akazi osakwatiwa komanso odziimira pachuma omwe anali ochuluka kwambiri kuposa anzawo apakhomo; anali mabwenzi apamtima. Nthawi zambiri ankadzipereka kwa moyo wawo wonse ndipo ankakondana kwambiri. Ndipo anapanga maubwenzi oterewa popanda kusokoneza maganizo a anthu kapena kusokoneza chikhalidwe cha anthu.

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Zoposa abwenzi, zochepa kuposa okonda

Kupita ndi nkhani zamakono, maubwenzi ofanana, ndi makonzedwe othandiza akukula kwambiri masiku ano. Mabwenzi okondana, osati a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, akugula nyumba ndi kulera kapena kulera ana wina ndi mnzake. Ena akukhala ndi mabwenzi awo okwatirana kwambiri monga banja. Ena akusiya zibwenzi kuti asankhe bwenzi lapamtima kukhala bwenzi lawo loyamba. Ena akuipanga kukhala yovomerezeka mwa kulumbira za chikondi chosatha ndi kumenyedwa.

Mu nkhani yomwe inalembedwa mu Telegraph , wolemba Tracy Emerson, yemwe wakhala muukwati wa ku Boston ndi mnzake Susie kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri tsopano, wafotokoza ubwenzi wawo wapamtima kutanthauza "oposa mabwenzi, ochepera okonda" ngati umodzi wa chikondi chamaganizo koma osati kugonana. Malinga ndi iye, ngakhale kuti akhala akulekanitsa maakaunti awo akubanki, kuyanjana kwa tsiku ndi tsiku muubwenzi wawo wachikondi wa akazi kumafanana ndi mbali zina zaukwati wamba komanso zina zaubwenzi wotseguka komanso wokondana kwambiri . Monga mukuonera, ubwenzi wapamtima uwu ndi wogawanika komanso wovuta. Koma bola ngati umvetsetsa anthu omwe ali mkati mwawo, palibe chifukwa chomwe lingaliro la chikondi muubwenzi silingakulire.

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Ubwenzi Wachikondi Vs Chikondi cha Plato

Ndiye mungadziwe bwanji ngati ndinu mabwenzi ndi okonda? Mabwenzi okha, osati okonda? Kodi mukusamuka kuchoka pa mabwenzi kupita pa okonda? Okonda koma osati mabwenzi? Okonda omwe akupita kukukhala mabwenzi? Chikondi cha ubwenzi vs chikondi chachikondi, ndi kufotokozera kotani komwe kukugwirizana? Kukopana kwachikondi vs ubwenzi, ndi chiyani chomwe mungasankhe kumanga moyo wanu? Nanga bwanji ngati mukana chikondi cha ubwenzi cha binary? Kodi muli kuti ndiye? Kodi mumadziwa bwanji kuti muli ndi ubale wachikondi vs chikondi kapena china chake pakati? Ndipo kodi mungakhale achikondi ndi mnzanu? Inde, kuphatikiza mizere ya mabwenzi ndi chikondi kungapereke njira pa mafunso ambiri osokoneza.

Chabwino, nachi chinthu chokhudza maubwenzi: amatha kukhala ovuta kutanthauzira, ndipo ndizosatheka kukhala ndi tanthauzo lenileni. Izi zili choncho chifukwa tonse ndife apadera komanso momwe timalumikizirana wina ndi mnzake. Palibe chizindikiro chaching'ono chowoneka bwino chomwe chingathe kufotokoza zomwe anthu awiri amamvera kwa wina ndi mzake ndipo kufotokoza malire a ubale kuli ngati kujambula mizere pamchenga. Ngakhale kuti palibe mizere yolimba, pali magawo olekanitsa. Nawa ena omwe amalekanitsa maubwenzi apamtima awa ndi a platonic:

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Kodi pangakhale ubwenzi wachikondi pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi?

Pamene Harry anakumana ndi Sally, anali wotsimikiza kwambiri: mwamuna ndi mkazi sangakhale mabwenzi chifukwa “gawo logonana nthawi zonse limalepheretsa”. Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti anthu amakhulupirira kuti ubwenzi wapamtima pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi ndi wotheka kwambiri (ngakhale kuti ndi chilungamo apezanso kuti anthu ambiri mwachinsinsi amayembekezera kuti ubwenzi wawo udzakhala chinthu china). Nanga bwanji za ubwenzi wachikondi? Kodi pangakhale chikondi pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi?

Pamene ubale wa platonic pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi sudzatha kuthawa lens la Eros m'masiku athu ano, sizowonjezera kunena kuti ubwenzi wachikondi pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi ungakhale wovuta kwambiri kuyenda. Makamaka, ngati pali zibwenzi kapena okwatirana mu kusakaniza. Ndizokayikitsa kwambiri kuti wokondana naye angavomereze kukhala choyambirira chanu. Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti n’zosatheka kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi azikondana. Kupatula apo, zikafika pa maubwenzi palibe template yofanana ndi imodzi. Ndipo ndani akunena kuti pakufunika kukhala mmodzi?

Kodi Mungakhale Paubwenzi Wachikondi ndi Winawake? Zizindikiro 10 Zomwe Zimatero

Amati pali mitundu yambiri ya chikondi monga momwe mitima ilili. Ndiye muli ndi mtundu wanji mumtima mwanu? Chikondi chamakono chaphatikiza chikondi chachikondi ndi mitundu ina ya chikondi mwamphamvu kwambiri kotero kuti nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kuzisiyanitsa. Pakati pa chisokonezo chathu chonse chokhudza chikondi, kodi tingadziwe bwanji mtundu wa chikondi chomwe tikumva kwa mnzathu? Kodi tingadziwe bwanji ngati mgwirizano womwe timagawana ndi wachikondi, wachikondi, kapena wachikondi womwe umatanthauza china chake pakati? Chabwino, nazi zizindikiro 7 zaubwenzi wachikondi zomwe zikusonyeza kuti mungakhale muubwenzi wotere:

1. Ndinu moona, wamisala, m'chikondi chozama

Wophunzira wina mu kafukufuku wina wokhudza maubwenzi osagonana — maubwenzi apamtima koma osagonana pakati pa abwenzi, ngati mukufuna — akufotokoza kukumana ndi mnzake motere: “…ngati panali chikondi poyamba, ndiye kuti, ndicho chimene chinali pamene ndinamuona [iye]. Ndipo sichinali chinthu chogonana, chinali ngati, ndiyenera kumudziwa mtsikanayu, ndipo chinali chokopa kwambiri kwa ine kwa iye.”

Ngakhale kuti pamapeto pake anasiyana, wophunzirayo anali ndi malingaliro ozama kwambiri achikondi kwa bwenzi lake. Anafotokozanso kusiyana kwawo ngati "kusweka". Wina adalongosola chikondi chake chaubwenzi ngati "pafupifupi kukhala ndi chibwenzi".

Kumva chikondi choopsa komanso champhamvu, ngakhale popanda chilakolako chogonana, ndiye chizindikiro cha ubwenzi wachikondi. Apa pokha, pali kumva kuti ndiwe mwini/woyenera, chitetezo, kutsimikizika, ndi chikondi chopanda malire komanso kuvomereza, zomwe zili kunja kwa malire ochepa a ubwenzi wamba ndi zokopa za chikondi. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, mabwenzi ndi chikondi zimatha kusakanikirana.

Pali chikhumbo chachikulu chodziwana, kukhala ndi wina ndi mzake, ndi kugawana zowawa zanu za tsiku ndi tsiku, zomwe sizifunikira kulimbitsa ubwenzi wapamtima kapena kusonyeza kugonana komwe kumafanana ndi maubwenzi achikhalidwe. Mwina izi n’zimene zimachititsa kuti mabwenziwo amve chikondi.

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2. Mumavutika kufotokoza mgwirizano wanu

Mawu akuti ubwenzi wachikondi pang'onopang'ono anachotsa kusalakwa kwake pamene zaka za m'ma 1900 zinkapitirira, ndipo akatswiri a zachiwerewere, Sigmund Freud, pakati pawo, analengeza kwambiri kuti kukondana pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso ubale pakati pa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi kosayenera komanso kosafunikira kwenikweni. Anatchulanso mawu atsopano okhudza mabwenzi achikondi, monga "osakwatira", "osakwatira", "osauka", ndi "odwala," kapena monga momwe wolemba mbiri Lillian Faderman amanenera mu Surpassing the Love of Men: Romantic Friendship and Love Between Women from the Renaissance to the Present , "okonda madzulo", anthu osakhazikika omwe ankakhala "pakati pa amuna ndi akazi".

Izi zinachititsa kuti anthu azikayikira kusonyeza chikondi kwa anzawo, makamaka amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Kwa zaka zambiri, ndikusintha kwanthawi zamakono komanso chikondi chamakono, zolemba zina zoyipa zatsika ndipo zina zatsopano zasinthidwa: bwenzi lapamtima, munthu wanga, kukwera kapena kufa, maubwenzi osagonana, mabwenzi apamtima, mabwenzi apamtima, mabwenzi apamtima, chikondi chaubwenzi - komabe, abwenzi apamtima akuvutikirabe kupeza chilankhulo chomwe chingawapangitse kukhala ogwirizana.

Kubwereka mawu a Oprah Winfrey, amene ubwenzi wake wapamtima ndi Gayle King wapempha kufufuza kochuluka kwa zaka zambiri: “Mungakhale bwanji pafupi chonchi popanda kugonana?

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3. Moyo wanu umakhala wozungulirana

Mabwenzi achikondi amatenga mawu akuti ubwenzi wamaganizo ndi kudzipereka mwachikondi kufika pamlingo watsopano. Amagwirizana kwambiri ndi zomwe wina ndi mnzake akufuna, amamaliza ziganizo za wina ndi mnzake, ndipo amawoneka otanganidwa kwambiri ndi wina ndi mnzake. Izi zimakhala maziko omwe ubwenzi wapamtima umamangidwira. Monga momwe wophunzira wina ananenera : "Ndikuganiza kuti amuna athu amaona kuti ubale wathu ndiye mgwirizano waukulu ndipo ndikuganiza kuti amamva ngati akunja."

Zimenezi n’zosadabwitsa poganizira kuti mabwenzi okondana amathera mphamvu zawo zambiri ndi chidwi chawo kwa wina ndi mnzake. Komabe, pokhala pakati pa mphamvu yokoka ya wina ndi mzake, amakhala malo othawirako kapena malo otetezeka kumene angafufuzepo maubwenzi ena, ndi maubwenzi achikondi, kapena kuyesa ndi kutambasula zotheka za momwe chikondi chikuwonekera.

Mabwenzi achikondi angalowe mu ubale wina wosazolowereka, monga ubale wopanda mkazi mmodzi, mtundu wa ubale wopanda mkazi mmodzi komwe angatsatire maubwenzi ambiri ogonana/achikondi nthawi imodzi, koma ndi chenjezo limodzi: okondedwa awo onse amadziwana.

Kodi n’chiyani chimachititsa zonsezi kukhala zotheka? Ubwenzi wawo wodzipereka chifukwa nthawi zonse “amatha kuyang’ana m’mbuyo ndikudziwa kuti mnzawo alipo kuti awathandize,” akutero Aminatou Sow ndi Ann Friedman, olemba buku la Big Friendship , omwe nthawi ina ankafuna thandizo kwa maanja kuti apulumutse ubwenzi wawo.

4. Mumasamalana kwambiri

Ndi foni yanu ya 3 koloko koloko m'mawa, ulendo wanu wapabwalo wa 5 koloko m'mawa, ndi nthawi iliyonse yondinyamula. Ndiwo omwe mungadalire kuti agwetse chilichonse ndikuthamangira kwa inu mukachifuna. Iwo ndi banja lanu losankhidwa. Amene mumasankha kudalira kwathunthu. Zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva ngati zinthu sizikuyenda bwino. Ubwenzi wachikondi woterowo ungakhale magwero aakulu a malingaliro ndi chichirikizo cha munthu.

M'dera limene maubwenzi amaonedwa kuti ndi achiwiri m'magulu a maubwenzi, mabwenzi apamtima ndi umboni wa momwe anthu kunja kwa banja - abwenzi anu - angalowerere mu maudindo akuluakulu a oulula zakukhosi, okhalira limodzi, makolo anzawo, ngakhale osamalira. Amatsutsa malingaliro achikhalidwe a ntchito yomwe anzathu angachite m'miyoyo yathu. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu zaubwenzi wachikondi.

5. Kutalikira sikusintha kulumikizana kwanu

Chinthu china chomwe chili chapadera pa maubwenzi achikondi: ngakhale simuli okondana kwenikweni , malingaliro anu satha pakapita nthawi kapena mtunda, monga momwe munthu angawonere ndi maubwenzi ena achikhalidwe. Mukudziwa kuti mutha kudalira mnzanu wanu wachikondi, ngakhale mutakhala kutali kwambiri ndipo simupeza mwayi wolankhulana momwe mungafunire. Koma mukayankha foni, mumabwerera, mumayambanso pomwe mudasiyira.

Komabe, mabwenzi achikondi sangalole kuti asiyane ndipo amayesetsa kuti akhale pafupi. Kupatukana kulikonse, kapena kuganiza za izi, kungayambitse mavuto ambiri, kapena nkhawa, mwa mabwenzi otere, akutero ofufuza.

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6. Simuopa kusonyeza mmene mukumvera

Ngakhale kuti angalephere kukhala paubwenzi wachikondi, makamaka pankhani yogonana, maubwenzi amenewa akadali ndi zambiri zomwe zikuchitika. Agulugufe ndi kugunda kwa mtima kosalekeza, makandulo ndi maluwa, zinthu zokoma ndi maso a nyenyezi, kugwirana manja, ndi malingaliro achikondi komanso kupuma chete - mutha kuyembekezera kumva zonsezi ndi zina zambiri ndi mnzanu wachikondi. Komanso: abwenzi achikondi sachita manyazi kuvala mitima yawo. Chifukwa chake ngati muli paubwenzi wachikondi zomwe zikutanthauza kuti mnzanu ndiye chinthu chofunika kwambiri kwa inu, simudzazengereza kumuwonetsa mnzanuyo kuti mumamukonda.

Kusonyeza chikondi mwachikondi komanso ngakhale chikondi chakuthupi monga kugwirana manja ndi chinthu chofala kwambiri muubwenzi wachikondi woterewu, makamaka pakati pa anthu a amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Angagwirena manja, kukhudzana, kupsompsonana, ndi kukumbatirana. Angakhale ndi nsanje kapena kukondana. Chodabwitsa apa ndi kuchuluka kwa chikondi chomwe amasonyezana, ndichifukwa chake ubwenzi wawo wachikondi umasanduka "chikondi chachikulu" ngakhale popanda kugonana, akutero ofufuza.

7. Kulumikizana kwanu nthawi zambiri kumaganiziridwa kuti ndi chikondi

Pakakhala mbali ya chikondi muubwenzi, simuwopa kufuula chikondi chanu padenga. Mumalukirana moyo wanu mozungulirana. Itanani wina ndi mzake kuti agwirane manja. Muli otanganidwa mopanda chiyembekezo wina ndi mzake. Kulumikizana kwanu ndi kwapadera. Sichisintha ndi mtunda kapena mdima ndi nthawi. Lingaliro la kulekana limakuyikani mu zosangalatsa zachifumu. Kodi ndizodabwitsa kuti anthu amaganiza kuti muli pachibwenzi?

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8. Pali kaduka ka nsanje pamene anthu ena ali pafupi

Mungaone kudziteteza ndi nsanje pamene mnzanu ali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina. Maganizo amenewa angasonyeze kuti pali mbali ina ya chikondi muubwenzi. Mumafunitsitsa kuteteza mnzanuyo. Chimwemwe chawo ndi chisungiko chawo zimakhala zofunika kwambiri kwa inu, kupyola pa zomwe munthu angakhale nazo kwa mnzanu.

Mutha kupeza kuti mukulowererapo kuti mupereke chithandizo kapena chitsogozo pamikhalidwe yomwe mukuwona chiwopsezo kapena zovuta. Ndipo pamene kuli kwakuti simungafune kuvomereza, pangakhale nthaŵi zina pamene mumachita nsanje pamene bwenzi lanu limasonyeza chidwi mwa munthu wina wachikondi, ngakhale kuti nonsenu muli pachibwenzi chenicheni chosagonana.

Nsanje imene mukukumana nayo si ya kukonda munthu wina, koma ndi yankho la maganizo lomwe limasonyeza kuti mwayamba kugwirizana kwambiri. Kuwaona akukondana ndi munthu wina kungayambitse kuzindikira chikondi chanu komanso kufunika kwa ubale wanu. Kodi ubwenzi wachikondi wopanda nkhani yaikulu ndi wotani?

9. Mumayamba kukhala ndi zolinga zofanana zamtsogolo

Chizindikiro china chodziwikiratu cha ubwenzi wachikondi ndichakuti mumadzipeza mukukonzekera limodzi mtsogolo, kaya ndi ulendo, kukhala pamalo amodzi, kapena kukwaniritsa zolinga zanu. Makambiranowo amapitirira kuposa kukambirana kwachizolowezi kwa abwenzi ndikuwonetsa masomphenya ofanana amtsogolo. Kukonzekera ulendo wamtsogolo pamodzi ndi mutu wofanana. Kaya ndi tchuthi lolota kapena kukambirana kothandiza kwambiri pankhani yofufuza malo atsopano, lingaliro lokumana ndi zochitika za moyo pamodzi ndi nkhani yobwerezabwereza.

Mwinanso mungakhale mukukambirana za kuthekera kokhala pamalo amodzi kapena kupanga malo ogawana. Zokambiranazi zimapitilira zomwe anthu okhala m'chipinda chimodzi kapena abwenzi akukhala pafupi ndizomwe zimalumikizana mozama komanso mwadala zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuzipeza m'mabwenzi osagonana.

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10. Magulu anu ochezera ayamba kugwirizana

Muubwenzi wachikondi, pali kulumikizana kowoneka bwino kwamagulu ochezera, kusonyeza kusakanizika kwa miyoyo komwe kumapitilira mabwenzi wamba. Inu ndi bwenzi lanu mwadala mumaphatikizana pamisonkhano ndi zochitika ndi magulu a anzanu. Sizongopita ku zochitika pamodzi; pali kuyesetsa kudziwitsa bwenzi lanu ku bwalo lanu komanso mosemphanitsa.

Nonse nonse mumaphatikizana m'magulu a anzanu. Anzanu amazindikira kufunika kwa ubale wanu, ndipo mnzanuyo amakhala wodziwika bwino pagulu lanu, ndipo inu mwa iwo. Kuphatikizika uku kumapitirira kuyambika kwa apo ndi apo; zimatanthauza kuvomereza ubale wanu ndi omwe akuzungulirani.

Ubwino Wa Ubwenzi Wachikondi

Ndiye, ubwino wa chikondi chaubwenzi ndi chiyani? Pakufufuza uku, tifufuza za ubwino wa zophatikizira izi, ndikuwunika chifukwa chake zidadziwika.

1. Kulumikizana kwakukulu kwamalingaliro

Ubwenzi wachikondi woterewu nthawi zambiri umafuna kuti munthu akhale ndi chikondi champhamvu chomwe chimapitirira zomwe zimayembekezeredwa mu ubwenzi wamba. Anthu amagawana mfundo zazikulu za malingaliro awo ndi momwe akumvera, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale mgwirizano wolimba.

2. Njira yothandizira yowonjezera

Bwenzi lachikondi litha kukhala ngati njira yothandizira yolimba, yopereka chifundo ndi kumvetsetsa nthawi zonse zabwino ndi zovuta. Kulumikizana kotereku kumapitilira kuyanjana wamba, kumapereka chithandizo chapadera chamalingaliro.

3. Mphamvu zopanda mphamvu

Mosiyana ndi maubwenzi achikhalidwe, maubwenzi amenewa nthawi zambiri samakhala ndi mavuto ambiri pagulu komanso pa nthawi yochepa. Cholinga chachikulu ndi kusangalala ndi ubale popanda kupsinjika maganizo chifukwa cha zomwe anthu amayembekezera paubwenzi wawo chifukwa ndi ubale wachikondi womwe suli wokhudzana ndi kugonana.

4. Ubwenzi ndi chikondi zinayamba kukhala chinthu chimodzi

Kukopa kwa kugwirizana kwachikondi kumaphatikizidwa ndi zabwino za ubwenzi wolimba. Zokumana nazo, nthabwala zamkati, ndi kusangalala limodzi zimaphatikizidwa ndi zinthu zosawoneka bwino zachikondi, monga kugwirana chanza kapena kujowina patsaya.

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5. Kumvetsetsa popanda kuweruza

Muubwenzi wachikondi woterewu, pali kumvetsetsa kwachibadwa komwe kumafuna kufotokoza kochepa. Kumvetsetsana kumeneku kumapangitsa kuti pakhale malo otetezeka momwe anthu angathe kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo popanda kuopa kuweruza.

6. Malire osinthika

Maubwenzi amenewa nthawi zambiri amapereka malire osinthika, omwe amalola anthu kuti azitha kuyang'ana pazochitika zakuthupi ndi zamaganizo za chiyanjano pa liwiro lomwe likugwirizana ndi onse awiri. Kusinthasintha ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pakupanga ndi kusangalala ndi kulumikizana kwapaderaku.

Pomaliza, maubwenzi okondana amaphatikiza mbali zabwino zaubwenzi ndi kukhudza zachikondi, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kulumikizana kosiyana komanso kosinthika. Ngati mukuganiza zofufuza ubale wamtunduwu, maubwino awa atha kukupatsani chidziwitso pazomwe mungayembekezere.

Kodi Ubwenzi Wachikondi Ndi Wokhazikika?

Anthu olimbikitsa chikondi chachikondi amatilimbikitsa kukhulupirira kuti pali chinthu chosapeŵeka chokhudza chikondi ndi ukwati pankhani ya kukopana kwachikondi poyerekeza ndi ubwenzi. Ponena za kupeza munthu m'modzi yekha amene ndi bwenzi lathu lapamtima, wokondedwa wathu, mtsogoleri wathu, wothandizira maganizo athu , munthu amene timamuthandiza akamadwala komanso akamavutika. Mwachidule, munthu m'modzi yekha amene ali 'chirichonse' chathu. Koma nayi vuto.

"Ngati mungoyang'ana kwambiri ubale wanu wachikondi, ndani adzakugwirani dzanja pamene mukusudzulana? Kudalira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti akhale chilichonse chanu kudzawononga ukwati wanu. Palibe munthu amene angakwaniritse zosowa zanu zonse zamaganizo. Ngati mungoyang'ana kwambiri ana anu, chimachitika n'chiyani akakula ndikukhala kutali, otanganidwa ndi miyoyo yawo? Kapena ngati mungoyang'ana kwambiri ntchito? Zomvetsa chisoni, zimenezo n'zomvetsa chisoni kwambiri moti simungathe kuziganizira," akutero Sow ndi Friedman mu Big Friendship.

Ubwenzi wamtunduwu umachotsa kupsinjika kumeneku, ndipo potero, umalola anthu kutsegula mitima yawo ku zomwe chikondi chingakhale, osati momwe chiyenera kukhalira. Ubwenziwu umalola anthu kudutsa mu zosokoneza za chikondi chamakono, maubwenzi amalonda , ndale zogonana, ndi mabanja ogawanika kuti afotokozenso zitsanzo za ukwati ndi banja ndikuganiziranso maukonde a chisamaliro kupitirira iwo.

Kodi maubwenzi amenewa ndi okhazikika? Zimatengera. Mabwenzi ambiri okondana amakhala limodzi kwa zaka zambiri, ndipo ubwenzi wawo ukupitirirabe m'moyo weniweni. Ena amatha kupita kosiyana kapena kuyambiranso chikondi chawo paubwenzi pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Ndipo ena amasamuka kuchoka kwa anzawo kupita kwa okonda. Zokhalitsa kapena ayi, zimasonyeza kuti nthawi zina, chikondi chimamveka bwino ngati kupitirira kwa ubwenzi. Aristotle angavomereze.

Kwenikweni, maubwenzi apamtima amatsimikizira kuti maubwenzi apamtima amatha kukhala okhutiritsa monga chikondi chachikondi kapena chapabanja, m'malo mwake. Amanyamula galasi la mtundu wina wa chikondi chosatha—mtundu umene umaika patsogolo ubwenzi, osati chikondi chachikondi.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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