Mavuto a m’banja akhoza kukugwerani mwadzidzidzi. Zitha kukhala zotchinga kuchokera ku buluu zomwe zimasandutsa ukwati wanu kukhala malo ankhondo. Ndipo mwadzidzidzi simudziwanso momwe mungapangire banja lanu kuti liziyenda bwino.
Ndiroleni ndikuuzeni nkhani yanga. Nthaŵi zonse ndinkaona kuti ukwati ndi malo omalizira. Kuti mwafika ndipo ndi zimenezo. Zaka makumi awiri ndi ziwiri za moyo wamtendere wabanja si nthabwala. Zimatengera khama lalikulu kuchokera kwa okwatirana onse, ndipo Rick ndi ine tachita bwino kwambiri. Tadziwana ndi kukondana wina ndi mnzake kuyambira masiku athu aku koleji. Timamvetsetsana ndipo timagwirizananso. N’chifukwa chake tinakwatirana mu 1995.
Koma moyo ndi wautali, ngakhale utakhala waufupi mwachinyengo. Zimatipangitsa kuchitira umboni zambiri komanso kutisintha m'njira zomwe sitinaganizirepo ndipo nthawi zambiri zimatipatsa zinthu zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuthana nazo.
Kodi Vuto Laukwati N'chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Vuto la ubale likhoza kukhala lovuta. Ndi malo ankhondo odzaza ndi kusatetezeka, zopweteka, ndi nsanje. Ndipo izi ndi zomwe zinali kuchitika pakati pa ine ndi Rick chaka chatha. Panali zovuta zambiri zomwe zidalipobe. Kukhumudwitsidwa ndi apongozi, kufanana kwake ndi banja, mathayo amene tinkayembekezeredwa kuchirikiza, ndi kusavomereza kotheratu kwa iwo. Zonsezo zinandilemetsa.
Ndipo mwanjira ina adanditenga ine, mnzake wazaka makumi awiri, wochita chilichonse. Zinayamba ndi nthabwala zopanda vuto. Kuwukira mwadzidzidzi za ntchito yanga, ndalama, zosankha zanga m'moyo - sindimadziwa komwe zikuchokera. Ndipo tisanadziwe, tinali ndi vuto laukwati.
Anandipangitsa kumva ngati kuti zonse zimene ndinachitira banjalo kunali kungotaya nthaŵi ndipo m’malo mwake ndikanachita zinthu ‘zatanthauzo’. Zinali zopweteka, kunena pang'ono. Palibe aliyense wa ife amene ali waukali. Sitingathe kumangokhalira kukuwa. Choncho, inasanduka nkhondo yozizira yamtundu uliwonse, ndipo aliyense wa ife anapatsa mnzake kuchitira chete. Ndiyeno, tsoka linandidziwitsa kwa Paulo paphwando.
Ndinazindikira kuti zizindikiro za vuto la m’banja lathu zinali kutiyang’ana m’maso. Koma tonse tinali kukana kuvomereza kuti ukwati wathu unali pamavuto. Ndinali wokhumudwa komanso wokhumudwa pamene Paul adabwera m'moyo wanga.
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Momwe Ukwati Wamavuto Udawonongera Moyo Wake
Kukambitsirana mwachisawawa za moyo wanu ndi mbiri yanu kunandipangitsa kuti ndidziwe bwino momwe tinalili ofanana komanso momwe mnyamatayu analili wokongola. Ndinakopeka naye. Ananena kuti wangotuluka kumene pachibwenzi ndipo mtima wake unasweka. Koma sanaphonye mwayi wondikopa. Ndinkakonda chidwi, ngakhale chinali chosasangalatsa. Sindinazolowere kukopedwa komabe amandipangitsa kudzimva kukhala wofunidwa.
Ndinakangana ngati kunali kwabwino kuika moyo wanga wonse wa banja pachiswe monga chonchi. Ngakhale zinali choncho, banja langa linali losangalala m’mutu mwanga. Pamene wina wakhala m’banja kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndipo ali ndi ana aŵiri achichepere amene amawakonda kwambiri, sikuli kwapafupi kungoziyang’anira ndi kulumphira m’chibwenzi chakunja.
Choncho ndinabwerera kunyumba. Zonse zinali zofanana, kupatulapo tsopano ndinadziŵa kuti njira yopezera chikhutiro chanthaŵi yomweyo inali kungochokapo kamodzi kokha. Apa m’pamene ine ndi Rick tinayamba kukangana. Iye anakana kuvomereza zimene ndinakonza kapena kuvomereza maganizo anga monga odalirika kapena othandiza. Mitundu yonse yaing'ono ndewu ndi mwamuna wanga inakhala yoyipa ndipo nkhani mamiliyoni ambiri zinawonekera.
Zonse chifukwa ndinayamba kuyankhula motsutsana ndi zomwe sindimayamikira. Sindinathenso kukhala chete. Ndikanapanda kulankhula, ndiye kuti mwina sipakanakhalanso zoti ndilankhulenso. Vuto laukwati linali litatigwera ndipo, potsirizira pake, tinadziŵa kuti zonse sizili bwino.
Kodi chibwenzi chinali chosankha chifukwa chamavuto abanja langa?
Paulo anali woloŵerera wolandirika. Kuwonekera kwake kwakanthawi kunayambitsa zokambirana zomwe mwina sizikanachitika mwanjira ina. Mavuto akadapitirizabe kusokoneza ukwati wathu. Wanga'zovuta zapakati pa moyo' ankafunika mayankho. Ndipo ngati zimenezo zinatanthauza machesi tsiku lililonse, ndinalibe nazo ntchito.
Komabe, zinthu zinafika poipa kwambiri, ndipo pamapeto pake ndinamuuza Rick kuti akufunika kukonza kapena ndikuchoka. N’kwachibadwa kuganiza kuti si bwino kukankhira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu zimenezi. Koma nthawi zina mumaona kuti mwakwanitsa. Malingaliro anu ndi omveka ngati ake. Malingaliro anu ndi ofunika. Ngati mnzanu akukana kuvomereza zimenezo, muyenera kuika phazi lanu pansi.
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Tili pakati pa zaka za m'ma 40 ndipo moyo wakhazikika kwa tonsefe. Tonse timakhazikika mu ntchito zathu. Chuma chathu chili bwino. Palibe vuto lina m'miyoyo yathu. Basi banja lathu lili pamavuto. Ndipo ngati sitingathe kukonza ngakhale izo, zingakhale zachisoni, kunena pang'ono. Koma sitinkadziwa mmene tingapulumutsire ukwati pamavuto.
Pomaliza, ife adaganiza zopeza uphungu waukwati. Rick adavomera kuyankhula ndi mnzake wapabanja pantchitoyo ndipo, m'miyezi isanu ndi umodzi, adathetsa mavuto ake popeza chithandizo chaukwati womwe uli pamavuto.
Uphungu wa Mavuto a Ukwati Unamuthandiza Kupulumuka Mavuto a Ukwati
Pofika kuchiyambi kwa chaka chino, ndinayamba kumva kusiyana. Uphungu unali wopindulitsa iye ndipo anayamba kuyamikira maganizo anga. Anakhala wodekha ndipo, polandira malangizo avuto laukwati, analimba mtima kulimbana ndi nkhani zina zimene wakhala akuzipondereza kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Mavuto akuluwo atayankhidwa, kufunika kodumphadumpha pafupipafupi kunazimiririka.
Koma Paulo sindikudziwa chimene chinamuchitikira. Sindinafunenso kulankhula naye. Sindinamufune. Ndinkangofunika kukonza zomwe zinali zanga. Anandionetsa njira yoyenera. Ndikanachita chibwenzi n’kupangitsa kuti ukwati wanga ukhale wovuta kwambiri. Koma ndinachita zinthu mwanzeru pogwiritsa ntchito ubongo wanga m’malo mwa mtima wanga ndipo sindinalole kuti zofuna za thupi langa zindilande.
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Ndinakhala tcheru kwa usiku wonse, ndikudzifunsa chomwe ndinkafuna kwenikweni - chibwenzi ndi Paul kapena kukonza vuto laukwati lomwe tinalimo. Ndinazindikira kuti ndinkafuna kuthana ndi mavuto a m'banja langa ndikukonzekera ukwati.
Ndinkangofuna kuti Rick yemwe ndimadziwa kuti wabwerera m'moyo wanga. Sindinafune kuti zinthu zonse zakunja izi ziwononge ukwati wathu kotero ndidasankha upangiri wamavuto ambanja ndipo izi zidatithandiza kubweza ukwati wathu panjira. Ndifenso banja losangalala.
(Monga adauza Neetole Mitra)
Ibibazo
Zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto m'banja ndi kusalankhulana ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Ndikofunika kuti onse awiri azikumbukira kuti ndi okondedwa ndipo ayenera kugawana chilichonse - chabwino ndi choipa. Kulankhulana bwino kumabweretsa mabanja abwino.
Nthawi zina, maubwenzi amakhala oopsa kwambiri moti sitingathe kuchita tokha. Kungouzana zakukhosi sikokwanira ndiye kuti munthu ayenera kupeza thandizo kwa akatswiri. Katswiri wa zaukwati adzakhala ndi maphunziro ndi zida zokuthandizani kuthetsa nkhani zaukwati wanu ndi kuzikonza.
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
“Sikwapafupi kungozichenjerera ndi kulumphira m’chibwenzi chopupuluma.
Mayi, ziganizo zomwe zili pamwambazi zikusonyeza kutsimikiza mtima kwanu ndi maganizo anu pankhani yosunga ukwati kukhala wopatulika ndi wogwira ntchito. Ndikhulupirira kuti zovuta nthawi zonse zimayesa luso la anthu. Olimba adzalimba, koma ofooka amagonja ku amphamvu. Nthawi zambiri, mtima umakankhira munthu ku njira yolakwika panthawi yovuta chifukwa cha zomverera. Ochepa amangogwiritsa ntchito malingaliro/luntha. Ngati maanja ambiri atagwiritsa ntchito luntha limeneli, zinthu zambiri zomwe zawononga/kuwononga maukwati zikadapewedwa. Nkhani zidzasokoneza banja, kulakwa kumapha munthu wamkati, mpaka wina atapita kumanda, ayenera kunyamula zolakwazo mosasamala kanthu za kukhululukidwa kapena ayi, nkhani yowululidwa/yodziwika kapena ayi, yomwe ndi yowawa kwambiri.
Chipewa kwa inu, Mulungu akudalitseni inu banja.