Zinenero 5 Zopepesa: Kalozera Wosankha Yabwino Kwambiri

Kuyankha mlandu ndi gawo lalikulu la kupanga ubale uliwonse. Ndi munthu wanzeru amene amapepesa akalakwa. Koma n’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zina kupepesa kwathu sikufika kwa anzathu? N’chifukwa chiyani timalephera kumaliza ntchito yosavuta kunena kuti “Pepani”? Kasanu ndi kamodzi mwa khumi, yankho liri m’chinenero chathu chopepesa. 

Yang'anani motere - mukupepesa mu Chingerezi pamene wokondedwa wanu amakonda kupepesa mu French. Kusagwirizana pakati pa zilankhulo kungayambitse mkwiyo ndi kusamvana pakati pa inu nonse. Pamene mukudabwa kuti, "Ndachita gawo langa ndikuti pepani, bwanji sangalole?", Akuganiza kuti, "Imbécile!" Tili pano kuti tipewe vuto ili muubwenzi wanu.

Cholinga chathu ndi kukudziwitsani zilankhulo zisanu za kupepesa, zomwe ndi: kusonyeza chisoni, kulandira udindo, kubwezera, kulapa moona mtima, ndi kupempha chikhululukiro. Muzindikira chiyankhulo chopepesa chanu ndi cha mnzanu pakutha kwa kuwerengaku. 

Kodi Zinenero Zopepesa N'chiyani?

Wolemba mabuku yemwenso ndi pulofesa wina dzina lake Jacqueline A. Bussie analemba kuti: “Kupepesa mochokera pansi pa mtima kuli ngati mvula ya ola lakhumi ndi limodzi pambewu yafumbi. Ndikofunikira kuphunzira luso la kunena kuti pepani ngati tikufuna kukhala ndi ubale wokhalitsa. Zinenero zisanu za kupepesa zimapereka mitundu yosiyanasiyana. Koma tiyeni tiyambire pachiyambi. 

Wolemba mabuku wotchuka kwambiri Gary Chapman (PhD) adapanga dongosolo la zilankhulo 5 zachikondi . Adapereka lingaliro lakuti munthu aliyense ali ndi njira yosiyana yosonyezera chikondi kwa mnzawo. Kwa ena, zitha kukhala ntchito zothandiza, pomwe kwa ena zitha kukhala kukhala ndi nthawi yabwino ndi mnzawo. Mogwirizana ndi lingaliro lomweli, Chapman ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, Jennifer Thomas, adapanga chiphunzitso cha zilankhulo zopepesa.

Buku lawo lakuti The Five Languages ​​Of Apology linatuluka mu 2006 ndipo linapereka lingaliro latsopano kwambiri pankhani yopempha chikhululukiro. Linafotokoza kuti munthu amapepesa m'njira imodzi mwa zisanu; kuti njira yake yopepesera ndi yaumwini komanso yosiyana ndi ya ena. Pambuyo pake, kugwirizana kunali kofunika pakati pa zilankhulo za kupepesa za okondedwa. Ngati panali kusagwirizana, zingakhudze kwambiri ubalewo.

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Kumvetsetsa bwino magawo asanu a Chapman ndi Thomas kudzakhala kopindulitsa kwambiri ku mgwirizano wanu. Kudikira kwatha pamene gawo lathu lotsatira likuyankha funso lomwe mudadzera - kodi zilankhulo 5 zopepesa ndi ziti? Yang'anani!

Mitundu 5 Ya Zinenero Zopepesa

Kodi mukuti pepani povomereza zolakwa zanu? Kodi mumangoganizira kwambiri za kukonza zinthu? Kapena mumakhulupirira kusonyeza chisoni ndi mawu? Sitikukayikira kuti simunaganizirepo izi. Chabwino, ino ndiyo nthawi yoti muunike zizolowezi zanu zopepesa muubwenzi. Makamaka ngati kupepesa kwanu sikunakhalepo masiku ano. 

Maupangiri ochepa osavuta kuphatikiza ndi chidule cha zilankhulo 5 zopepesa ndizo zonse zomwe mukufuna pakali pano. Mukakhazikitsidwa bwino, chidziwitsochi chikhoza kupititsa patsogolo ubale wanu mwadumphadumpha. Popanda kuchedwa, nayi mndandanda womwe ungakuthandizeni kudziwa chilankhulo chanu chopepesa. 

1. Kodi chinenero choyamba chopepesa nchiyani? Kusonyeza chisoni 

Njira yoyamba yopepesa ndi kusonyeza chisoni, mwachitsanzo, kupepesa chifukwa cha zochita zako ndi zotsatira zake. Mwachitsanzo: “Pepani kuti ndinakupwetekani kwambiri”, “Pepani kuti ndinakupwetekani”, kapena “Pepani kuti ndinakupangitsani kudzimva kuti ndinu wosatetezeka .” Chilankhulo chopepesachi nthawi zonse chimakhala chothandiza kwambiri mukanena momveka bwino zomwe mukupepesa. Pepani pang'ono sichikwanira munthu amene akukupepesani.

Kulakwitsa kwa rookie komwe anthu amachita nthawi zambiri ndikuwonjezera 'koma.' "Pepani simukusangalala koma ndidangochita izi chifukwa ndidalibe chochita." Ziribe kanthu zolinga zanu, 'koma' ndi chowiringula. Ndi chifukwa cha zochita zanu ndipo sizikugwirizana ndi kupepesa komwe mukupanga. Chifukwa mosasamala kanthu za zifukwa zanu, mnzanuyo akupweteka. Zindikirani mmene akumvera ndipo mverani chisoni chifukwa chowachititsa. Zosavuta.

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2. Kuvomera udindo

Pamene okwatirana atenga udindo pa zolakwa zawo, timadziwa kuti ubale wawo ndi wolimba komanso wosangalala. Chilankhulo chachiwiri chopepesa chimaphatikizapo kuvomereza zomwe munthu wachita. Izi nthawi zambiri zimafotokozedwa ngati “Ndinalakwitsa kukwiya nanu” kapena “Khalidwe langa silinali lolakwa usiku watha, pepani kwambiri pa zimenezo.” Ndi chizindikiro chabwino chodzizindikira nokha ndi kulemekeza mnzanu.

Apanso, musayese kupereka zowunikira mutanena kuti pepani. Ingodziwitsani anzanu kuti mumadziwa zolakwa zanu. Palibe choyipa kuposa momwe wokondedwa wanu amakufotokozerani zolakwa zake. Komanso, kudzitchinjiriza ndikuchita nawo nkhondo ya egos sikugwira ntchito; ndi bwino kukhala woona mtima ndi kupepesa pamene mwalakwa. Ndipotu, ndani amene angakuweruzeni bwino pa khalidwe lanu kuposa inuyo? 

3. Kubwezera ndi chimodzi mwa zilankhulo zopepesa

Mutha kuganiza za izi ngati "kupanga" kwa mnzanu kapena "kukonza zinthu." Ngakhale palibe njira yosinthira zakale, titha kuyesetsa kukonza zomwe zilipo kuti tikhale ndi tsogolo labwino. Ndipo palibe njira yabwino yochitira zimenezi kuposa kufunsa mnzanuyo funso. "Ndingakufewetseni bwanji izi?" kapena “Kodi ndingachitepo kanthu kuti zinthu ziwayendere bwino?” kapena chophweka, "Kodi mukufuna kuti ndikuchitireni chiyani pakadali pano?"

Chilankhulo chopepesa ichi chikuwonetsa kufunitsitsa kwanu kukonza zinthu. Chimasonyeza kuti muchita zambiri chifukwa mumaona kuti ubalewo ndi wofunika kwambiri. Chinthu chabwino kwambiri pa kupepesa kumeneku ndichakuti kumazindikira kuopsa kwa kusalankhulana . Chifukwa chake, kumayambitsa kukambirana pakati pa anthu awiriwa. M'malo mongoganizira zomwe mnzanuyo akufuna kapena zomwe akufuna, njira iyi yopepesa imawalola kukuuzani zomwe akufuna pankhani yokonza zinthu.

4. Kulapa koona

Pa zilankhulo zonse zopepesa, ichi ndi chomwe chimaganiziridwa kwambiri. Chimaphatikizapo kunena osati chisoni chokha komanso chikhumbo chofuna kusintha. Mwachitsanzo, “Ndikulonjeza kuti ndidzaganizira kwambiri khalidwe langa. Izi sizidzachitikanso koma ndikufuna kuleza mtima kwanu pamene ndikuyesetsa kuzikwaniritsa.” Njira imeneyi imasonyeza kufunitsitsa kwanu kugwira ntchito pa inu nokha, imalimbikitsa mgwirizano, ndipo ikupempha kuleza mtima kwa womvera muubwenzi.

Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukukhulupirirani ngati mulonjeza kuchitapo kanthu. Ndipo yesetsani kusintha khalidwe lanu ndipo musabwerezenso zolakwika zomwezo. Simukufuna kuti wina wanu ataya chikhulupiriro muubwenzi chifukwa cha malonjezo anu opanda kanthu. Ndipotu, izi zimapita ku zilankhulo zonse zopepesa; onetsetsani kuti simuyenera kunena kuti pepani pa chinthu chomwecho mobwerezabwereza. 

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5. Kodi zinenero 5 zopepesa ndi ziti? Kupempha chikhululukiro

Katswiri wina wa zaumulungu wa ku America, Reinhold Niebuhr analemba kuti: “Kukhululuka ndiye mtundu womaliza wa chikondi.” Ndipo ndithu, Ukamkhululukira Mnzakoyo. Ndithu, ukawapempha chikhululuko. Zimenezi zingachitike mwa kunena mawu monga akuti, “Ndikukhulupirira kuti mungandikhululukire pa chilichonse chimene chandichitikira” kapena “Chonde ndikhululukireni pa zimene ndachita.” Pepani kwambiri chifukwa chosokoneza ubwenzi wathu.

Ngati ichi ndi chilankhulo cha mnzanu wopepesa, mawu awa adzasungunula mitima yawo. Kukhululuka muubwenzi ndiye chinsinsi cha kukhala ndi moyo wachimwemwe. Fotokozani zinthu poyera ndipo musazengereze kupempha mnzanuyo kuti akukhululukireni. Ngati mulola kunyada kwanu kukulepheretsani, zinthu zidzavuta mwachangu. Malingaliro athu ndi osavuta: ngati mwamuika mnzanuyo pamavuto chifukwa cha zochita zanu, palibe vuto kulola kunyada kwanu kukugwetsani pansi.

Mukuganiza bwanji za zilankhulo zisanu zopepesa? Tsopano popeza mwapeza yanu, tiyeni tikambirane mmene zingapindulire ubwenzi wanu. Chotsatira ndikuzindikira chilankhulo chopepesa cha mnzanu ndikuchigwirizanitsa ndi chanu. Nayi gawo lomaliza komanso lomaliza lomwe lingakuphunzitseni momwe mungasinthire njira zosiyanasiyana mumayendedwe anu achikondi. 

Kuzindikira Chiyankhulo Chanu Ndi Chikhululukiro cha Mnzanu

Tikukhulupirira kuti tayankha funso lanu – “Kodi zilankhulo 5 zopepesa ndi ziti?” – mpaka kukhutitsidwa. Koma ngati mukuvutikabe kumvetsa chilankhulo cha mnzanu chopepesa, Gary Chapman wabweranso kudzakupulumutsani. Wapanga mafunso osavuta omwe angathandize kuti zinthu zimveke bwino. Mudzapatsidwa mawu awiri ndikufunsidwa kuti ndi liti lomwe lingakhale lofunika kwambiri kwa inu. Yankhani mafunsowo ndikupeza kuwunika nthawi yomweyo!

Musadandaule kwambiri ngati chilankhulo cha kupepesa cha mnzanuyo chili chosiyana ndi chanu. Mabanja ambiri amakumana ndi vutoli ndipo amalithetsa mwa kugwirizana. Mwachitsanzo, theka lanu limakhala ndi cholinga chopempha chikhululukiro koma mumakhulupirira kusonyeza chisoni. Njira yabwino yopepesera kwa iwo ingakhale, "Pepani kuti ndakupangitsani kumva kuti simuli bwino kudzera mu zochita zanga. Zimandipweteka kudziwa kuti ndakubweretserani mavuto ambiri. Ngakhale simukuyenera kutero, kodi mungaganize zondikhululukira?"

Kumbukirani kuti cholinga cha kupepesa ndi wolandira. Kaya mukufuna kapena ayi, muyenera kupepesa m'njira yogwirizana nawo. Sitikukupemphani kuti musiye umunthu wanu; ingolemekezani zofuna za wolandirayo ndikusintha kupepesa kwanu kwa iwo. Palibe njira yabwino kwambiri yopemphelera chikhululukiro cha wina chifukwa maubwenzi sali onse. Kwenikweni, muyenera kukonza pang'ono. 

Lolani zilankhulo zisanu zopepesa zikhale chikumbutso cha momwe okondedwa athu alili payekha payekha. Mwina zomwe amafunikira komanso zomwe timapereka sizigwirizana nthawi zonse. Koma ichi ndi chifukwa chinanso chopitirizira kuphunzira ndi kukula, ndi kupitirizabe kukulitsa chikondi chokongola chimene timagawana.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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