Momwe Mungayambitsirenso Chikhulupiriro Pambuyo pa Kubera - Malangizo kwa Wopereka ndi Woperekedwa

Sitikuyika shuga: njira yomanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi njira yokwera. Kaya munapusitsa mnzanu kapena ndinu amene adasokoneza chikhulupiriro chawo, sichapafupi kutenga zidutswazo ndikumanganso kugwirizana komwe kunakupangitsani kuti muzigwirizana kwa moyo wanu wonse. M’chenicheni, pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, pamene malingaliro akuchulukirachulukira ndipo kulingalira kulibe mphamvu, kulingalira mmene mungayambirenso kukhulupirirana pambuyo pa chinyengo kungawoneke kukhala kosatheka.

Komabe, ngati mwakwanitsa kuthana ndi mkuntho womwe udabwera pambuyo povomereza kulakwa koyamba, pangakhale chiyembekezo cha ubale wanu. Koma pamafunika kuleza mtima kwakukulu, chifundo, kulankhulana moona mtima, ndi kulemekezana kuti mukhulupirirena pambuyo pa chinyengo ndi kumanganso ubalewo. 

Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungayendere njira yayitali komanso yovutayi, ndi nzeru za akatswiri a zamaganizo Aakhansha Varghese (MSc Counseling Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu waubwenzi ndi kusudzulana, kuti atithandize kudziwa momwe tingamangirenso kudalirana titachita chinyengo ndi kunama. Tiyeni tipitirize kuwerenga pamene tikufufuza malamulo oyambira titachita chinyengo…

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Pamene kusakhulupirika kumayamba kuonekera muubwenzi, kudzimva kukhala wotetezeka komwe kumamanga banja kumasokonezeka ndipo m'malo mwake kumakhala kusakhazikika komanso kudzikayikira. Mnzanu akakuonani, amangoona kusakhulupirika kwanu. Kaya mukumva chisoni chotani, kumanganso ubale pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kuli ngati kuyesa kuyika miyala yosagwirizana pamwamba pa wina ndi mnzake, kuyesera kuonetsetsa kuti sagwanso.

"Palibe mayankho osavuta kapena njira zachidule za momwe mungayambitsirenso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo. Zidzakhala zovuta. Chinthu choyamba kukumbukira ndi kukhala oleza mtima, kwa inu nokha ndi mnzanuyo komanso. Perekani mnzanuyo mpata wochuluka momwe mungathere, kuti aganizire ndi kukonza chilichonse chomwe chachitika. Khulupirirani mnzanuyo kuti atha kubwereranso kwa inu ndi yankho kapena lingaliro loyenera ku zonse zomwe zachitika poyamba, khulupirirani rebuisha pambuyo poyang'ana maganizo anu, "akutero Aa Khan atangoyamba kumene, "akutero Aa chigololo kapena nkhani zogonana, pankhaniyi. 

Ndi khama lokhazikika, n’zotheka kubwerera ku malo achikondi ndi kukhulupirirana kosagwedezeka. Malangizo 10 awa amomwe mungayambitsirenso chidaliro mutabera komanso kunama awonetsetsa kuti zoyesayesa zanu zili m'njira yoyenera: 

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1. Kuthetsa chibwenzicho

Limodzi mwa malamulo ofunikira mukachita chinyengo ndikudula maubwenzi ndi bwenzi lanu. Ngati simunachitepo kale izi, dziwani kuti ndizofunikira mtheradi pamene mukuyesera kudziwa momwe mungayambitsirenso kukhulupirirana mutabera. Ngati mukufuna kuti mnzanuyo aone kuti mukuyesera kukonza naye zinthu, chitani pomuwonetsa kuti chibwenzicho chabwerera. Pothetsa chibwenzi, mwatengapo gawo loyamba kuti muyambitsenso kukukhulupirirani.

Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri ngati mukuyesera kubwezeretsa chidaliro mutatha chibwenzi . Popeza kuti kusinthaku sikunali kwenikweni kokhudza kukhutiritsa kugonana, kulankhulana ndiko komwe kunapangitsa kuti chipambane. Ndipo pokhapokha mutathetsa kulankhulanako, mnzanu, yemwe chikhulupiriro chake chasweka, sadzatha kukuonani ngati wofunika kwambiri.

2. Muziyankha pa zochita zanu

Nthawi zina, m'malo momanganso chidaliro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kapena kugonana, achigololo amayamba kuimba mlandu. Koma kumbukirani, kaya pali mavuto otani muubwenzi wanu, palibe chomwe chingalungamitse zochita zanu. Ngati mwachita zachinyengo ndipo mukuchita izi, zidzangothamangitsa mnzanuyo. Chifukwa chake, kaya zifukwa zanu za chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati ndi ziti , muyenera kuvomereza m'malo mochiteteza.

Kukhala woyankha ndikofunikira pakuwulula chinsinsi cha momwe mungayambitsirenso kukhulupilirana muubwenzi mutabera chifukwa zimadziwitsa mnzanu kuti:

• Mukuchita kulakwitsa kwanu
• Inu mwavomereza kuti mwachita chinachake cholakwika
• Ndinu wololera kugwira ntchito pa izo
• Ndinu olimba mtima mokwanira kuvomereza udindo, m'malo moimba mlandu wina 

Nazi momwe mungachitire izi:

• Muuzeni mnzanuyo zonse za momwe zidayambira komanso liti
• Auzeni kuti mukunong'oneza bondo chifukwa cha zochita zanu
• Auzeni momwe mungafune kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana 

3. Pamene mukuyambanso kukhulupirirana pambuyo pa chigololo, muloleni mnzanuyo atulutse

Limodzi mwa mayankho a momwe mungabwezeretsere chidaliro mutachita chinyengo ndi kupatsa mnzanu malo otetezeka kuti atulutse ululu ndi nkhawa zomwe akumva. "Mukapatsa munthu malo otetezeka kuti atulutse mkwiyo, amayamikira mwayiwo ndipo amayamba kumva kuti ndi wotetezeka. Kukhala wothandiza kwambiri kuposa kudziteteza kudzathandizanso. Zachidziwikire, munthu akamamva kuti wamvedwa, amayamba kuchira. Ndipo umu ndi momwe chidaliro chidzamangidwirenso ," akutero Aakhansha.

4. Khalani owonekera momwe mungathere

Khalidwe lanu loyera limasonyeza kuti mwadzipereka kuti muyambenso kukukhulupirirani mutatha kuchita zachinyengo. Zingawoneke ngati mukulola mnzanu wanu kudutsa malire pakati pa chikondi ndi chinsinsi koma dziwani kuti ndi zakanthawi chabe ndipo ndizofunikira kwambiri. Umu ndi momwe mungachitire:

• Kaya mukuyenda ndi mlongo wanu kapena kutumizirana mameseji ndi mnzanu, muuzeni mnzanuyo
• Bwererani pamene wokondedwa wanu akuyembekezera inu. Musalole kuti kukayikira kubwerenso
• Osanama kapena kubisira wokondedwa wanu zinthu, makamaka zomwe zingayambitse kusakhulupirirana ndikuchotsa kupita patsogolo komwe mwapanga.

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5. Tengani pang'onopang'ono

Kubwezeretsa chidaliro cha wina si ntchito yophweka. Zimafuna njira zocheperako - kusintha pang'ono pang'ono, kamodzi ndi kamodzi. Musayembekezere mnzanuyo kukukhululukirani nthawi yomweyo mutatha kutseka mutu wa chibwenzi chanu chakunja kwa ukwati. "Kukakamiza mnzanuyo kuti akupatseni yankho patatha tsiku limodzi kapena awiri sikoyenera kwa iye. Nthawi zambiri, zimamubwezeranso. Munthu amene wanyengedwa amaona kuti sakupatsidwa mpata uliwonse, ndipo amatha kubwerera m'mbuyo pang'ono. Izi zitha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zambiri zosasangalatsa. Pewani zinthu pang'onopang'ono, si chinthu chomwe mungachifulumizitse," akutero Aakhansha.

6. Khalani osatetezeka 

Ngati mukuganiza momwe mungayambitsirenso kukhulupiriridwa mutabera, kumbukirani kuti palibe kupeŵa kukambitsirana kosamasuka ndi chiwopsezo. Inu ndi mnzanuyo mungakhale mukukambirana momasuka pa zomwe zinachitika chifukwa cha manyazi kapena kuopa kutaya wina ndi mzake. Koma kuyankhulana ndiye njira yabwino kwambiri nthawi zonse.

"Zinkaoneka ngati chilichonse chomwe ndinkachita chinali cholakwika, sindinkadziwa choti ndichite," adatero Jeff, wowerenga, ponena za momwe adavutikira kuti abwezeretse chidaliro atachita chigololo ndi chibwenzi chake, Kayla, "Pamene ndinkakonzekera machitidwe achikondi akuluakulu , iye anandiuza mosangalala kuti chomwe amafuna kuti ndichite ndikungolankhula naye ndikumuuza zomwe ndikumva."

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7. Dzipatseni nthawi kuti muchiritse

Inde, inuyo ndi amene munachita chigololo ndi mnzanu . Ndipo mwina munathetsa kale chibwenzicho. Koma kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti simukufunika nthawi yoti muchire pambuyo pa chibwenzicho? Mungathe kungomanganso chikhulupiriro mu chibwenzicho ngati simukuyang'ananso m'mbuyo ndipo mwakumbukira zakale. Mungafunike:

• Ganiziraninso zomwe mumayika patsogolo m'moyo wanu, kukhala ubale wabwino kapena zolinga za moyo wautali
• Kudzisamalira nokha ndikuchita zinthu zomwe zimakutsitsimutsani
• Tengani nthawi yanu kuti mukhazikitse mawu mu ubale wanu ndi mnzanu

8. Yesetsani kugwirizananso, m'maganizo ndi mwakuthupi

Ndikofunika kuti mugwirizanenso ndi mnzanuyo kuti nonse muzitha kumverera ubale wina pakati panu ndipo mutha kubwezeretsanso mgwirizano womwe munamvapo nkhonya ya kusakhulupirika isanawononge ubale wanu. Zikatero, kugwirizananso mwakuthupi n’kofunika mofanana ndi kutero mwamaganizo.

"Kulumikizananso ndi mnzanu ndi chizindikiro cha kuvomereza kulakwitsa kwanu, kupatsa winayo mpata, ndikukhala oleza mtima. Onse awiri ayenera kugwirizana chifukwa chake akufuna kupitiriza chibwenzi. Palibe kukayika kuti chikondi chakuthupi ndi chikondi mwa okwatirana zimatha kuvutika kwambiri chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. Pazochitika zotere, onse awiri ayenera kukhala oleza mtima ndipo ayenera kumvetsetsa kuti ndi kwakanthawi. Uphungu ukhoza kukhala wopindulitsa kwambiri, ndipo mwina katswiri wokhudza kugonana angakuthandizeni kubwezeretsa chikondicho," akutero Aakhansha.

9. Yesani kuyambanso

N’kutheka kuti chibwenzi chanu chinali ndi mavuto ambiri , zomwe zinakupangitsani kuyamba chibwenzi. Koma tsopano popeza mukudziwa komwe muli ndipo mukufuna kumanganso chidaliro mu chibwenzi chanu, thetsani mavuto anu ndikuyesetsa kuwathetsa. Kuyambanso mwatsopano popewa zolakwa zomwe mudachita musanayambe chibwenzi kudzakulepheretsani kubwerera m’njira yomweyo, komanso kukuthandizani kupeza momwe mungabwezeretsere chikhulupiriro mutatha kuchita zachinyengo.

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10. Pewani kuyenda munjira yomweyi yopita kuchigololo

Mukudziwa zomwe zidayambitsa chibwenzicho. Ikhoza kukhala mphindi yakufooka, kubwereranso, njira yochepetsera kupsinjika kapena kukhumudwa, kuyimirira usiku umodzi, wakale wanu kubwerera kwa inu, kapena zizolowezi zina zakale. Pali njira zambiri zoyesa kusakhulupirika, koma mukudziwa zofooka zanu ndipo muyenera kuzipewa. Onetsetsani kuti simukulakwitsanso zomwezo.

Chitanipo kanthu kuti musakumane ndi mavuto omwewo omwe mwina adakupangitsani kukhala pachibwenzi. Ngati muli ndi zizolowezi zonyenga nthawi zonse , sankhani upangiri ndikuwongolera. Izi ndizofunikira ngati mukufuna kumanganso chidaliro muubwenzi.

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Tsopano popeza tadziwa zomwe wachinyengo ayenera kuchita kuti abwezeretse chidaliro muubwenzi, tiyeni tiwone momwe mnzanu wopatukana angagwirire ntchito kuti abwezeretse chikhulupiriro muubwenzi. Inde, mwawerenga bwino: ngakhale kuti ndinu amene mwalakwiridwa, muyenera kuchita gawo lanu ngati mukufuna kusunga ubale wanu . Anthu ambiri omwe anyengedwa amalakwitsa kuganiza kuti wachinyengo yekha ndiye ayenera kukonza zinthu.

Ngakhale kuti mosakaikira udindo wokonza zinthu uli pa wachinyengo, amene wapusidwayo ayenera kuyesetsa kuvomereza zoyesayesa zawo ndi kukumana nazo pakati. Tsopano, kuyesetsa kumawoneka bwanji? Tidafufuza mozama za nkhaniyi ndipo tidalembapo malangizo 10 amomwe mungapangire kukhulupirirana mutabera ngati ndinu amene munaperekedwa naye:

1. Dziwani mmene mukumvera

Ndikofunikira kwambiri kupirira zomwe mukumva zopweteka ndikuwongolera momwe mukumvera ngati mwasokonezeka ndi momwe mungagonjetsere kusakhulupirika. Pokhapokha mutadutsa mu gawo ili pomwe chisoni ndi mkwiyo zimakukulirani, simungathe kupita patsogolo. Chifukwa chake, pitilizani ndi zonse. Umu ndi momwe mungalamulire malingaliro anu ndikutulutsabe:

• Khalani ndi buku lomwe mumalembapo zakukhosi kwanu
• Lembani kalata kwa wokondedwa wanu ndi mnzanu amene amabera, kufotokoza chifukwa chake akulakwitsa, ndiyeno muwotche
• Lembani mawu pamene mukulira kapena kung'ambika. Mvetserani kwa iwo pambuyo pake ndikusintha malingaliro anu. Afufute pambuyo pake

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2. Lingalirani za mbali yanu pachibwenzicho

Kudzudzula wozunzidwa kapena kusinthira mlandu m'maubwenzi n'kolakwika . Komabe, ndi zoona kuti mnzanuyo mwina anakunyengani pazifukwa zambiri, zomwe mwina zinayamba chifukwa cha mavuto ena omwe akukumana nawo muubwenzi wanu. Ngakhale sitikunena kuti muyenera kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa cha chinyengo cha mnzanuyo, ndikofunikira kufufuza ngati ubale wanu ungakhale unathandizira pa zochita zake mwanjira ina iliyonse. Ganizirani ngati mukanatha:

• Kulankhulana nawo zambiri
• Anapereka chisamaliro chowonjezereka kwa iwo m’malo mowapangitsa kumva kuti anyalanyazidwa
• Kukhazikika pakuchepa kwa kulumikizana pakati pa inu nonse
• Munadziteteza kuti musakhumudwitse malingaliro awo mwa kuwadzudzula nthawi zina

3. Khalani owona mtima nthawi zonse

Ngakhale kuti zingawoneke zovuta, kuona mtima sikungakambirane ngati mukufuna kuphunzira momwe mungagonjetsere kusakhulupirika muubwenzi . Uzani mnzanu momwe mukumvera. "Mukamadzimvera chisoni kapena kukwiyira inuyo kapena mnzanu, mukungopangitsa ntchito yomanganso ubalewo kukhala yovuta kwambiri," akutero Aakhansha. Kumbukirani malangizo otsatirawa mukamakambirana:

• Muyenera kukhala ndi zokambirana zambiri ndi mnzanu
• Musalole kuti chilichonse chikhale chosanenedwa
• Zitha kuwoneka zovuta kunena zina mwazinthu zomwe adachita, koma kukhala wowona mtima ndi momwe mukumvera ndiyo njira yokhayo yomwe mungathandizire kupita patsogolo.

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4. Lankhulani ndi munthu amene mumamukhulupirira

Ngati simukudziwa momwe mungapezere chidaliro pambuyo pa kunyenga ngati bwenzi loperekedwa, lankhulani ndi munthu amene mumamukhulupirira. Kaonedwe ka munthu wachitatu nthawi zonse kumakuthandizani kudziwa komwe muli paubwenzi. Izi zili choncho chifukwa simungathe kudziwa zolakwika zanu kapena za mnzanuyo. Mukhozanso kukondera pamaganizidwe anu. 

Lankhulani ndi mnzanu wapamtima, mnzanu wantchito wodalirika, kapena wachibale wanu ndipo funsani maganizo awo pa momwe mungayambitsirenso kudalirana muubwenzi . Mnzanga wina, Sally, nthawi zambiri ankandiuza zakukhosi kwake za momwe mwamuna wake ankamuchitira zachinyengo, ndipo ankandifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndikhululukire munthu wonyenga chifukwa choti ndimamuuza mbiri yake?” Pambuyo pokambirana naye moona mtima, anamva bwino kwambiri ndipo analankhula ndi mwamuna wake za vutoli. Tsopano ali ndi miyezi itatu akuyamba chithandizo ndipo akuyembekezera kuyambanso moyo watsopano limodzi.

5. Khalani ndi zoyembekeza zenizeni

Kumanganso ubale kumafuna ntchito yambiri, ndipo kupita patsogolo sikungafanane. Mudzakhala ndi masiku abwino ndi oipa. Padzakhala nthawi zina pamene mukumva ngati mwabwerera m'mbuyo, mukumva ululu ndi mkwiyo. Panthawi imodzimodziyo, mukhoza kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo azikhala wodandaula nthawi zonse ndi kupepesa, ndikuchita manja ambiri kuti akugonjetseni, koma kumbukirani kuti akulimbana ndi vuto la maganizo awo. 

Mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti, kusakhulupirika ndi nkhani yovuta ndipo ndikofunikira kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni mukakonza ubale wanu ndi mnzanu wonyenga. Kumbukirani zinthu izi:

• Musamayembekezere kuti atengere chidwi ndi chikondi chomwe munachiwona m'masiku oyambirira a chibwenzi chanu 
• Iwo angakhale achikulire ndipo angakhale ndi njira zina zokuchitirani zabwino
• Sangakugulireni mphatso zodula kuti mukonzenso nthawi yomweyo koma atha kutenga nthawi yawo kuti akonze zonse ndikubwerera kwa inu munthawi yake.
• Sangathe kuthetseratu maubwenzi onse ndi mnzanu wachinyengo ngati akugwirabe ntchito limodzi, ndipo ndibwino ngati sakudutsa malire.

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6. Khalani ndi malire

Ikani malamulo kapena malire muubwenzi wanu kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro. Izi ndi zomwe mungachite:

• Adziwitseni kuti kukopana ndi ena, ngakhale mwachisawawa, sikuloledwa
• Auzeni kuti mwakhumudwa ngati apereka ndemanga pazithunzi ndi zolemba za anthu ena 
• Adziwitseni kuti simuli bwino kuti asakuuzeni za komwe ali ngati sabwera kunyumba pofika nthawi inayake.
• Auzeni kuti mudzathetsa nthawi ina akadzakunyengani, mwamalingaliro kapena mwakuthupi

7. Onani ngati zikugwirizana

Chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite ngati mnzanu amene waperekedwa ndi kusadalira zomwe akunena kapena kukhulupirira zomwe akunena koma kuyang'ana zochita zokhazikika. Ngati angakuuzeni kuti sayambanso kukopana ndi munthu wina, muwone ngati asunga mawu awo komanso kwa nthawi yayitali bwanji. Chitani ngati satero ndikuwadziwitsa kuti sizigwira ntchito.

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8. Khazikani mtima pansi

Kuchira ku kusakhulupirika sikophweka kapena njira yolunjika. Zimatenga nthawi ndipo nthawi zina zingawoneke ngati zosatheka. Ndipo monga momwe kafukufuku adanenera, "...zingayambitsenso kupsinjika maganizo, kupweteka mtima komanso zingakhale zoopsa nthawi zina." Lolani kuti muchiritse pa liwiro lanu ndipo nthawi zina mumve chisoni. "Ndi chikondi ndi kuleza mtima, palibe chosatheka," adatero mtsogoleri wa Chibuda ku Japan Daisaku Ikeda. Chifukwa chake, khalani ndi chikhulupiriro ndipo khalani oleza mtima. Musayembekezere zotsatira zachangu.

9. Funsani mlangizi 

Uphungu wa katswiri ungakuthandizeni kuganizira momwe mungadalire mnzanu mutatha kusakhulupirika. "Pamene pali mavuto okhudzana ndi kulankhulana omwe amaoneka ngati osatheka kuthana nawo, chithandizo chingakuthandizeni. Katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito angakuthandizeni kwambiri ngati mukudabwa momwe mungagwirire ntchito pa nkhani zokhudzana ndi kudalirana," akutero Aakhansha. Mungayesenso kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kunyumba.

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 10. Kondwererani zochitika zazing'ono

Pamene mukuyesera kukonza kusakhulupirika ndi kubwereranso kukhulupirirana mu ubale wanu, musaiwale kukondwerera zisangalalo zazing'ono za moyo ndikukondwerera zochitika zazing'ono. Mwachitsanzo, samalani:

• Timakutumizirani mameseji tsiku lonse kuti mudziwe komwe ali
• Ndikudabwitsani inu kupereka mphatso mwachisawawa
• Kubwera kunyumba mofulumira kuchokera kuntchito nthawi ndi nthawi kuti mukhale ndi nthawi yabwino ndi inu

Zinthu 5 Zomwe Mungachite Ngati Banja Pomanga Chikhulupiriro Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa zomwe onse awiri angachite kuti amange chidaliro panthawi yochira kusakhulupirika , tiyeni tiwone momwe maanja angagwirire ntchito kuti akwaniritse cholinga ichi, pamodzi, monga gulu. Mwina sizingakhale njira yabwino, koma tikukulonjezani, malangizo awa amomwe mungapezere chidaliro muubwenzi monga banja adzakubweretsani pafupi. Chifukwa chake, nayi momwe mungakonzere ubale pambuyo poti kudalirana kwasweka, monga banja:

1. Sankhani uphungu wa maanja

Inde, uphungu wapayekha umathandizira kukonza malingaliro anu, koma njira yabwino yothetsera vuto lanu ngati banja ndikusankha chithandizo / uphungu pamodzi.

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2. Pangani mipata yolumikizananso

Khalani ndi chizoloŵezi choyika mafoni anu (ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti) ndikulankhulana. Simufunikanso kukonza zomwe zidalakwika komanso momwe awirinu mungagwirire ntchito limodzi kuti muthetse mavutowo. Gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyi kuti mungomvetsetsana ndikulumikizananso  

3. Yendani ulendo 

Konzani tchuthi. Kukhala pamodzi kudzakupindulitsani kwambiri. Kupatula kukhala pafupi mwakuthupi, zidzakuthandizaninso kuti mukhale oyandikana kwambiri 

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4. Kutenga zochitika za maanja kuti zigwirizane

Yambani zosangalatsa ndi zinthu zingapo monga makalasi olimbitsa thupi, maphunziro a zaluso, yoga, ndi zina zotero. Mungaganizire zokonzanso zokongoletsera nyumba yanu ngati njira yolumikizirana ndi mnzanu.

5. Khalani ndi nthawi yabwino kukambirana za tsogolo

Tengani nthawi yopuma tsiku ndi tsiku kuti mugwirizane ndi mapulani amtsogolo ndikukonzekera njira yoti mukwaniritse ngati banja.

Zimatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Kuti Muyambirenso Chikhulupiriro Pambuyo pa Chinyengo? 

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa momwe mungapangire chidaliro muubwenzi, n'zachibadwa kudzifunsa kuti zitenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti khama lanu libereke zipatso. Ndipo pali chifukwa chabwino, pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, mnzawo wonyengayo akudzifunsa kuti, " Ndikhalebe kapena ndisiye? ", kapena wonyengayo akudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ubale wanga upitirira izi?", ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri m'maganizo.

Nkhani ya Gottman Institute imati nthawi yokayikirayi ingawonjezere nthawi yomwe ingatengedwe kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro muubwenzi. Ndiye, zimatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro mutatha chinyengo? Nkhani ya Infidelity Recovery Institute imati zingatenge miyezi pafupifupi 18 kuti mubwezeretse kusakhulupirika, koma izi zimatheka pokhapokha ngati awiriwa akuyesetsa kuthetsa vutoli ndikuyesera kuchira. Ndipo ngati awiriwa asankha kunyalanyaza mavuto omwe ali muubwenzi omwe adayambitsa chinyengo poyamba, kusweka kwa chikhulupiriro sikungabwezeretsedwenso.

Timakhulupirira kuti banja lililonse limatenga nthawi yake kuti libwererenso ku chigololo, ndipo sipangakhale nthawi yokhazikika ya izi. Zonse zimatengera momwe banjali likudzipereka kuti apeze momwe angayambitsirenso chidaliro pambuyo pa chinyengo ndi kupita patsogolo.

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Funso lomaliza ndilakuti: Kodi kukulitsanso chidaliro muubwenzi pambuyo pa chinyengo ndikofunikira? Chabwino, zonse zimatengera momwe mumamvera pa ubale wanu. Muyenera kudzifunsa mafunso ena ngati munakuberedwa ndipo mukuganiza zokonza zinthu ndi mnzanu:

• Kodi ndidzasangalala nawo?
• Kodi ndikhululukire munthu wachinyengo chifukwa choti ndimagawana nawo ana, ndalama, ndi zina zotero?
• Kodi ndingakhulupirirenso mnzanga ngakhale nditabwereranso?
• Ndine kulemekezedwa mu chiyanjano konse?

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Kuphatikiza apo, nayi mfundo yofunika kuiganizira poganizira ngati kumanganso chikhulupiriro kuli koyenera: "Kodi akumvetsadi kuti chikhulupiriro chasweka ndipo zimenezo zikutanthauza chiyani? Zofanana ndi mfundo yomwe ili pamwambapa, koma ngati akufuna kungobisa izi pansi pa kapeti, angakwiye ngati mutchula za chibwenzicho. Kwenikweni, pokhapokha ngati akumva chisoni ndipo angasonyeze kuti kudzera mu zochita zosiyanasiyana, sindingawakhulupirire."

Mafunso Ofunsidwa Kawirikawiri

Maganizo Final

Tsopano popeza tikudziwa momwe tingayambitsirenso kukhulupilira pambuyo pa kunyenga, kumbukirani, pamene mukuyesera kuti muyambenso kukukhulupirirani kwa mnzanu pambuyo pa kunyenga, chinthu chofunika kwambiri chomwe muyenera kukumbukira ndi chakuti muyenera kuleza mtima. Gwirizanani kuti ndi chiyani chomwe chinakupangitsani inu nonse kuti mukhale wina ndi mzake poyamba, ndipo musalole kuti kukhulupirirana kwanu kusakhale kutali ndi inu nonse. 

Kuti munthu ayambirenso kukhulupirirana pambuyo pa chinyengo, munthu ayenera kuzindikira kuti kukhulupirirana kumabwera ndikuchoka. Sizokhazikika. Ingokumbukirani zoyambira. Osasewera masewera aliwonse, onetsetsani kuti kulumikizana ndi komveka komanso kowonekera, ndipo khalani oleza mtima. Chofunika kwambiri, khulupirirani ndondomekoyi ndipo mumvetsetsa mosavuta momwe mungakonzere ubale pambuyo pa kusweka.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.