Kodi nthawi zina mumaganiza kuti mnzanuyo sakufunirani zabwino? Kodi mukuganiza kuti “mnzawo” wawo angakhale woposa pamenepo? Nkhani zodalirika zimatha kulowa muubwenzi wanu osazindikira. Tiyeni tiwone machitidwe angapo okhulupirira maanja omwe akulimbikitsidwa ndi katswiri omwe angakuthandizeni kupewa mantha nthawi iliyonse wokondedwa wanu akanena kuti, "Ndikupita".
Nkhani zanu zisanakupangitseni kuchita zinthu zosayenera, yesani kugwiritsa ntchito njira zolimbikitsira maanja zomwe zingakulepheretseni kuyitanitsa foni ya wokondedwa wanu. Ayi, masewerawa sangakupangitseni kuti muchoke pakufuna kuyang'ana imelo ya mnzanuyo kupita kukatsanzikana nawo mosasamala pamene akuyenda paokha, popanda kukayika. Komabe, zolimbitsa thupi zomwe talemba lero mosakayikira zikuthandizani kuti muyambe.
Kuti muthe kulola machitidwe odalirika awa a ubale kwa okwatirana kugwira ntchito kwa inu, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa cholinga cha izi ndikudzipereka kutero. Kumvetsetsa kudalirana ndi zomwe kusowa kwake kungayambitse paubwenzi kungakulimbikitseni kuti mugwiritse ntchito machitidwewa bwino. Katswiri wa maubwenzi, Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, adzakuthandizani kufika pamenepo.
Kufunika Kokhulupirira Mumaubwenzi - Katswiri wa Ubale Anafotokozera
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi "mnzako" wa mnzanu mwadzidzidzi akuwoneka ngati akudutsa malire ochepa? Usiku wa anyamata amangosangalala ndi abwenzi ake, sichoncho? Kodi mnzanuyo anakhala dala tsiku limodzi paulendo umenewo pamene akanabwera kwa inu ndi ana anu kunyumba? Mukukayika kuti adasintha ntchito osakuuzani? Izi ndi zochepa chabe mwa nthawi zambiri zomwe anthu okwatirana angakumane nazo paulendo wawo wapamodzi.
Mitundu yonse ya kusakhulupirirana sikuyenera kukhala nkhani ya kusakhulupirika. Kuti mnzanuyo akubisa zinthu kwa inu, kuti mwina akutaya chidwi , kuti mungaganize kuti akufunikira mpata woti atalikirane maganizo - zonsezi ndi zizindikiro za kusakhulupirirana. Simungakhulupirire kuti akunena zoona kwa inu kapena kuti ali ndi chidwi ndi inu. Simungakhulupirire kuti ali ndi chidwi chochuluka muubwenzi wawo monga inu.
Pofotokoza za chiyambi cha chilakolako cha kudalirana mwa ife, Shazia akuti, “Kudalirana kumagwera mu zosowa zofunika kwambiri zamaganizo za munthu aliyense.” Iye akuwonjezera kuti, “Muubwenzi, mumakhala ndi munthu tsiku ndi tsiku. Ndipo ngati simumukhulupirira munthuyo, zidzayamba kukhudza moyo wanu wa tsiku ndi tsiku. Chifukwa chake, kudalirana ndi chinthu chomwe chiyenera kusamalidwa.
"Pamene pali kusakhulupirirana, nthawi zonse mumakayikira, nthawi zonse mumatsutsana ndi mikangano. Izi zimayamba kuchitika ngakhale pazinthu zazing'ono." Mwachitsanzo, "Ali kuti panopa?" kapena “Akuchita chiyani?” kapena “Kodi zolinga zawo n’zotani kwa ine?’”
Tikumufunsa Shazia kuti zikutanthauza chiyani kwa banjali. Iye anati: “N’zosavuta, ndipo mulibe mtendere! Izi zimasokoneza thanzi lamunthu yemwe sakhulupirira mnzake komanso pang'onopang'ono thanzi lawo lakuthupi. Ananenanso kuti: "Nthawi zonse mumakhala osokonezeka. Zingayambe kusokoneza kagonedwe kanu ndi zakudya zanu. Zochita zanu za tsiku ndi tsiku zimakhala zovuta kwa inu."
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N'zoonekeratu, ndipo Shazia akunena choncho m'mawu ake, kuti zotsatira za kusowa kwa chidaliro muubwenzi ndi "zozama komanso zozama". Ndiye kodi munthu angachite chiyani kuti alimbitse ndikumanganso chidaliro? Choyamba, dzichitireni zabwino ndipo musiye kuonera mapulogalamu omwe amalemekeza sewero laubwenzi. Ayi, si chinthu chochititsa chidwi kwambiri ngati mnzanu akufuna kuyika malire abwino pakulankhulana. Ayi, si mapeto a dziko ngati sakonda PDA.
Ndipo ayi, sizikutanthauza kuti mnzanu akubisala kudziko ngati sakuyika chithunzi chanu pa Instagram. Titha kutchula njira zabwino zopangira chidaliro muubwenzi tsiku lonse, koma pokhapokha ngati mukufunadi kusintha, zoyesayesa zanu zonse zidzakhala zopanda phindu.
Zomwe zikunenedwa, tiyeni tilowe muzochita zabwino kwambiri zokhulupirirana zomwe zilipo, kuti musamatumize mameseji "S/iye akunyenga" kwa bwenzi lanu lapamtima nthawi iliyonse yomwe mnzanuyo apita kukagula mazira.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Katswiri Amapereka Njira 7 Zothandizira Munthu Wokhala ndi Mavuto Odalirana
1. Khalani osatetezeka ndipo kambiranani za nkhani zanu
Shazia anati: “Kulimbitsa kukhulupirirana ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma kukulitsa chidaliro muubwenzi umene unatha ndi ntchito yaikulu kwambiri imene imafuna kudzipereka kwanu pochitapo kanthu.
Kodi mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo akukunyengani chifukwa adakhala sabata kwa inu? Mukuganiza kuti sali okhulupilika chifukwa sakukuwonetsani pamasamba awo ochezera? Kodi mumadandaula kuti samakukondani chifukwa samakuonetsani? Chabwino, auzeni iwo zimenezo. Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu za mantha anu, tsegulani nokha, lankhulani zolepheretsa zanu zonse ndi mantha anu aakulu. Sikuti mudzazindikira nthawi yomweyo momwe kukayikira kwanu kuliri kopanda maziko, koma mnzanuyo azindikira zomwe zikuchitika mkati mwa malingaliro anu, kotero mutha kudziwa momwe mungathanirane nazo.
Tikadayenera kusankha njira imodzi yokha yopangira chidaliro muubwenzi, mosakayika kukanakhala kulankhulana kwabwino, komasuka. Mutafotokozerana zomwe zikuchitika m'mitu mwanu komanso chifukwa chake mukumva momwe mumamvera, mutha kuyambanso kufika pansi ndikusanthula zomwe mukufuna kuchita kuyambira pano.
Kuwonjezera apo, mukamalankhulana kwambiri, mudzatha kufotokoza bwino zomwe mukufuna kuti zosowa zanu zikwaniritsidwe - mavuto ndi zina zotero. Ndani ankadziwa kuti masewera olimbitsa thupi awiri kuti akulitse chidaliro chanu angathandizenso kuti mukhale ogwirizana pa kugonana?
2. Kukambilana za tsogolo laubwenzi wanu ndi chidaliro chachikulu kwa maanja
Izi zikutanthauza kuti, muyenera kuwafunsa funso lakuti ' limenelo'. Funso lomwe layambitsa mantha m'masewero oseketsa mamiliyoni ambiri, funso lomwe limapangitsa anthu kudabwa, ndi funso lomwe limapangitsa okondedwa ambiri kunena kuti, "Izi zikhala zokambirana zazitali, sichoncho?" Inde, funso lodziwika bwino lakuti "Mukuona kuti izi zikupita kuti?".
Choncho onetsetsani kuti nonse muli ndi nthawi yokambirana kwa nthawi yayitali ndikukambirana za tsogolo lanu. Kodi chibwenzi chanu chili ndi nthawi yochikonzera? Kodi mumakhala limodzi nthawi yozizira yokha, ndipo mukangokwaniritsa zosowa zanu za nthawi yopuma , nonse mudzakhala osiyana? Kambiranani za komwe mukufuna kuti izi zipite.
Shazia anati: “Kenako, chitanipo kanthu kulinga ku tsogolo limene mwangokambirana kumene. Mukakhala otetezeka kuti nonse muli pa tsamba limodzi, mudzakhala otetezeka pang'ono, podziwa kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mukuyesetsa kukwaniritsa cholinga chimodzi. Ndiyeno pitirirani ndi kuchita chinachake limodzi. Choncho, mwachitsanzo, ngati mwazindikira kuti nonse mukufuna kukwatirana chaka chamawa, dziwitsani munthu wina wa m’banja lanu amene mumamukhulupirira.
3. Chitani zinthu zatsopano zomwe zimafuna kugwirizana
Pitani ku kalabu yamasewera mdera lanu yomwe mumafuna kupitako nthawi zonse, ndikunyamula ma racquets a tennis. Chitani zinthu monga yoga, kulima dimba, makalasi a salsa, gehena, mutha kuyesa mwayi wanu pagulu lazipinda zothawirako.
Mukangokhulupirira mnzanu kuti azidzidalira nokha ndikukuthandizani kupambana masewera a tenisi ya udzu motsutsana ndi banja loipali, Mindy ndi Brad, mosadziwa mudzawonjezera chidaliro chomwe muli nacho paubwenzi wanu. Pali chifukwa chomwe kampani iliyonse padziko lonse lapansi imalumbira kuti imapanga masewera olimbitsa chikhulupiriro . Gawo labwino kwambiri pa izi ndilakuti palibe HR yomwe imakuuzani kuti izi ndizofunikira kuti mupiteko.
Ngati palibe HR, zonse zili ndi inu. Titha kukulozerani momwe mungapangire zochitika zambiri zomanga maubwenzi, koma ndi ntchito yanu kuwonetsa kudzipereka komwe mumapanga ndi okondedwa wanu. Ngati mutasiya kalasi yanu ya salsa ndi mnzanu mutatha gawo loyamba, sizingapange chithunzi chodalirika cha inu m'maso mwa mnzanuyo. Ndipo mosemphanitsa.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungadalirenso Munthu Akakupwetekani - Upangiri wa Akatswiri
4. Perekani ntchito zokonzekera kwa wina ndi mzake
Muli ndi tsiku lalikulu lomwe likubwera? Uzani mnzanuyo kukonzekera izo, ndi kutenga tsiku lina kukonzekera nokha. Muli ndi udindo wapabanja? Uzani mnzanuyo kuti akukonzereni izi, ndipo mudzawakonzera zina.
Mukapatsa mnzanu maudindo pazinthu zofunika kwa inu, zimakhala zosavuta kuti muzimukhulupirira. Zochita zodalirika za okwatirana ngati izi zimagwira ntchito pokhapokha ngati simuli munthu wodziletsa ngati Monica wochokera ku Friends.
Mutha kuyesanso kukonzana. Tsiku langwiro, ndi sitepe imodzi yotengedwa ku ubale wodalirika. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazochita zomanga ubale zomwe zimakupangitsani kuti mukhale ndi keke yanu ndikudyanso. Osamaliza kuwomba ndalama zomwe mwasunga pamoyo wanu tsiku limodzi usiku, komabe. Palibe mgwirizano umodzi womwe ungakonze kulephera kwanu.
5. Lankhulani za zolinga zanu zachuma
Kukamba za ndalama ndi ndalama ndi njira ina yolankhulira za tsogolo lanu. Chiyembekezo apa ndikupangitsa nonse kukhala otetezeka pazomwe mukuyembekezera komanso komwe mukufuna kuti ubalewu upite, komanso kukula kwa nyumba yomwe nonse mukufuna kukhalamo.
Kumanga chidaliro muubwenzi sikuchitika mwadzidzidzi, ndipo kumafuna kuti nonse awiri mukhale otsimikiza za njira yanu yomwe ikubwera. Kulankhula za zachuma ndi njira yabwino yokhulupirirana kwa okwatirana ngakhale simunakwatirane. Njira yakuti “ndalama zanga ndi ndalama zanu” imalephera msanga, ndipo musanadziwe, mungangoyamba kuchita chigololo cha zachuma. Inde, kusunga/kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama popanda mnzanu kudziwa kuti ndi mtundu wa chigololo. Njira zabwino kwambiri zomangira chigololo kwa okwatirana nthawi zambiri zimaphatikizapo kulankhulana moona mtima, chomwe ndi cholinga chake apa.
Shazia akuwonjezera chikumbutso chofunikira. Iye anati: “Inde, kukamba za zolinga zanu zandalama ndi sitepe loyamba labwino, koma muyenera kusonyeza ndi kupitiriza kuchitapo kanthu kosonyeza kukhulupirirana.
6. Perekani mnzanu ntchito zosavuta kuti amalize
Kupatsa mnzanu ntchito zosavuta komanso zosavuta kuti amalize kudzakhala ngati chidaliro chaching'ono kwa maanja, zomwe zotsatira zake zidzawonjezeke. Mwachitsanzo, "Kodi mungakonzeko babu posachedwa?" kapena "Kodi mungandipezere Starbucks pobwerera?" zidzathandiza kukhazikitsa chikhulupiriro mwa iwo. Kuphatikiza apo, mupeza iced Frappuccino munjirayi. Kupambana-kupambana.
Komabe, onetsetsani kuti musapitirire izi. Simukufuna kuti mnzanu azimva ngati ndi PA wanu. Mnzanga wina adamukwiyitsa chibwenzi chake chifukwa cha ntchito zomwe amamupatsa nthawi zonse. “Sindine wopikisana nawo pachiwonetsero chamasewera, komanso sindine woperekera chikho chanu. Chonde chitani nokha,” adatero asananyamuke. Kotero pamene zolimbitsa thupi zomanga chikhulupiliro muubwenzi zikufuna kupindula nazo, zigwiritseni ntchito mosamalitsa komanso movomereza, kuopa kuti mungakwiyitse wokondedwa wanu ndikumukankhira kutali.
7. Kusonyeza chikondi ndi chisamaliro ndi njira yosavuta yopangira chikhulupiriro kwa maanja
Uzani mnzanu chifukwa chake mumawakonda, zomwe mumakonda pa iwo, ndipo onetsetsani kuti mukuphatikizana m'njira zosiyanasiyana kuti muwonetse chikondi chanu . Kukumbatirana modzidzimutsa kuchokera kumbuyo, mphatso yaying'ono yosasinthika, kalata yokongola yolembedwa ndi manja ... zonsezi zingathandize kwambiri pa mphamvu zanu ndipo ndi njira zabwino kwambiri zomangira kudalirana kwa maanja. Shazia akuti, "Khalani ndi nthawi ndi wina ndi mnzake, patsanani mpata, chitani zinthu zomwe nonse mumakonda limodzi, khalani ndi nthawi yabwino, onetsani wina ndi mnzake, onetsani kudzipereka ku njira izi, lemekezanani wina ndi mnzake."
Zochita zolimbitsa thupi kwa maanja siziyenera kukhala zapamwamba kwambiri. Nthawi zina, zomwe zimatengera kuti mnzanuyo azikhala otetezeka ndi kapepala kakang'ono kamene kamawauza zomwe mumakonda za iwo. Kapena manja osonyeza kuti mumasamala. Ayi, ino siikanakhala nthawi yoyenera kutchula kuti zizolowezi zawo zofowoka ziyenera kupita.
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Tawonani momwe sitinaphatikizepo kugwa kwa chikhulupiliro pamndandanda wathu wamaphunziro okhulupilira maanja? Eya, kukonzanso kukhulupirirana nthawi zambiri sikophweka monga kugwa mukukhulupirirana. Tikukhulupirira, chifukwa cha masewera olimbitsa thupi omwe tawalemba pano, tsopano mukudziwa zoyenera kuchita ndi okondedwa anu, kuti muthe kuchoka pakufuna kuwerenga zolemba zawo kupita pakufuna kuwatumizira mawu odula kwambiri.
Ibibazo
Inde, sikutenga nthawi yaitali kukhulupirira kuti maanja angathe kuthetsa kukhulupirirana kwawo, malinga ngati aliyense wokhudzidwayo ali wokonzeka kutero ndipo sangakane zoyesayesa zilizonse zolimbana ndi mavutowo. Nthawi zina, zomwe zimafunika ndikulumikizana bwino ndikuwonetsa chikondi kuti muthane ndi vuto lanu lokhulupirira.
Okwatirana angaonetsetse kuti ayambitsa makambirano abwino komanso otseguka ; kutenga nawo mbali muzochitika zokonzanso kudalirana muubwenzi womwe umafuna mgwirizano monga acro yoga kapena tenisi; kapena pokambirana moona mtima zinthu zokhudza tsogolo lawo. Izi ndi zochepa mwa machitidwe ambiri odalirika omwe maanja amafunika kusonyeza kudzipereka kwa onse awiri.
Kuti mukonze zikhulupiriro, chinthu choyamba chomwe mungafune ndikufunitsitsa kukonza. Pambuyo pake, mutha kuyesa machitidwe ambiri okhulupirira maanja. Mutha kuyambitsa kukambirana moona mtima chifukwa chake mukuganiza kuti mutha kukhala ndi vuto lokhulupirirana poyamba. Lankhulani za m'tsogolo, mantha omwe muli nawo, tsegulani, ndikupatsana ntchito zosavuta kuti mumalize kuti muthe kuyamba kukhulupirirana pang'onopang'ono.
Mumakonza chikhulupiriro chosweka powonekera. Pali machitidwe angapo okhulupilira maanja omwe angathe kuchita zodabwitsa koma mfundo yaikulu ya nkhaniyi ndi njira imodzi yokha: Kukumana ndi malonjezo osungidwa ndi zomwe zimachitika zimalimbitsa chikhulupiriro. Kuti muyambitsenso kukhulupirirana komwe kunasweka, chitanipo kanthu posonyeza kudalira. Kukhulupirirana kumalimbitsa chikhulupiriro. Palibe kuchuluka kwa zochita zomanganso chikhulupiliro muubwenzi sizingagwire ntchito ngati simutsatira kudzipereka komwe mumapanga kwa wina ndi mnzake ngati gawo la zochitika izi.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
