N'chifukwa Chiyani Ndili Wosatetezeka Paubwenzi Wanga? Zifukwa & Njira Zothetsera

"Zomwe zimawononga maubwenzi komanso zomwe zimayambitsa ndewu zambiri ndizosatetezeka" - Olivia Wilde, wojambula waku America komanso wopanga mafilimu. Sitingaganizire njira yabwino yofotokozera momwe kuwonongeka kungawonongere ubale. Pamene mukumva kuti ndinu osatetezeka muubwenzi, zimalepheretsa kugwirizana kwanu ndi wokondedwa wanu. Kusatetezeka nthawi zonse kumapereka mpata wokhulupirira zinthu, ndipo kudalirana kukafika povuta, simungathe kudzipereka kwathunthu kwa anzanu kapena kukhulupirira kuti adzipereka kwa inu. Mphamvu zanu zonse zimachepetsedwa ndikudikirira kuti nsapato ina igwe. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuyankha funso, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndili wosatetezeka mu ubale wanga?"

Kusatetezeka muubwenzi kumaphatikizapo kudzimva wosakwanira kapena wosakwanira. Ngakhale kudzidalira kwanu komanso kudziona ngati ndinu wofunika, nthawi zina malingaliro amenewa amatha kukulitsidwa ndi khalidwe ndi zochita za mnzanu. Kuti muthe kuthana ndi kudzimva wosatetezeka muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kuyika ubale wanu pansi pa maikulosikopu ndikufunsa mafunso ovuta. Ndiyo njira yokhayo yodziwira chochita mukakhala osatetezeka komanso momwe mungagonjetsere kusatetezeka. Kuti tikuthandizeni paulendowu, tikukubweretserani nzeru zina za akatswiri pankhani yothana ndi kusatetezeka muubwenzi, pokambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Prashant Bhimani (Ph.D., BAMS), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu waubwenzi ndi hypnotherapy.

N'chifukwa Chiyani Ndili Wosatetezeka Paubwenzi Wanga? 7 Zifukwa zotheka

Sikophweka kukhala ndi malingaliro osasamala nthawi zonse akuti simuli bwino kwa mnzanu kapena mantha akuti munthu amene mumamukonda angakusiyeni nthawi iliyonse. Ndicho chimene chimapangitsa kukhala wosatetezeka muubwenzi kukhala ndi makhalidwe ambiri oipa omwe angakhudze kwambiri ubale wanu ndi mnzanuyo ndikupangitsa kuti pakhale mikangano yambiri. Izi, zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusatetezeka muubwenzi kwambiri. Kuyamba chizolowezi choipa. Ndicho chifukwa chake mukangozindikira kuti mukulimbana ndi kusatetezeka, ndikofunikira kufunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndili wosatetezeka kwambiri muubwenzi wanga?”

Tengani chitsanzo cha Diana, woperekera zakudya ku Denver, yemwe adayamba chizolowezi choyang'ana foni yake mphindi zingapo zilizonse atatumiza uthenga kwa mnzake, Shaun. Amamupatsa mameseji ofotokoza komwe anali, zomwe akuchita, ndi ndani, ndipo sangakhale pamtendere mpaka atalandira yankho. Diana anali ndi mantha kuti Shaun amunyengerera. Izi zinali choncho chifukwa ankakonda kukopana ndi akazi ena pomwe anali 'wokongola'. Izi zinayambitsa mikangano yambiri muubwenzi, zomwe zinayambitsa ndewu kawirikawiri.

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Nthawi zonse akamamenyana, maganizo ake ankapita kumalo oopsa: Kodi Shaun amutaya? N’chifukwa chiyani Diana ankamva choncho? Pomalizira pake anavomereza dokotala wake kuti, “Chibwenzi changa chimandipangitsa kudzimva kukhala wosasungika.” Apa m’pamene analankhula mawu amenewa mokweza kuti, monga banja, akanatha kulimbana ndi nkhani yaikulu imeneyi ndi kupeza njira yopititsira patsogolo ubwenzi wawo. Ngati nanunso mukulimbana ndi kusatetezeka m'malingaliro muubwenzi wanu, kudziwa chomwe chimayambitsa ndikofunikira kuti muzindikire momwe mungadzitetezere pachibwenzi. Kuti izi zitheke, tiyeni tione zifukwa 7 zomwe zimachititsa kuti munthu asamakhale otetezeka muubwenzi:

1. Kuwonongeka kwa ubale wakale

Zomwe timakumana nazo zimakhudza momwe timaonera, momwe timaonera dziko lapansi, komanso momwe timadzionera tokha. Ngati mwakhala mukuchitiridwa nkhanza, kuzunzidwa m'maganizo , kapena kusakhulupirika muubwenzi wanu wakale, zingakuchititseni mantha oti mungakumanenso ndi vuto lomweli. Izi zingasinthe momwe mumaonera kapena kuchita zinthu muubwenzi. Ngakhale mnzanuyo ali wodalirika, mabala amalingaliro ochokera m'mbuyomu angakupangitseni kukayikira zolinga zawo ndikudandaula nthawi zonse kuti angasiyidwe, kunyengedwa, kapena kuonedwa ngati chinthu chopepuka. Ngati mumadzipeza mukuganiza kuti, "Ndikudziwa kuti chibwenzi changa chimandikonda koma ndimadziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka," zakale zanu zitha kukhudza zomwe mukuchita panopa.

2. Kusalankhulana

Kulankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima ndiye maziko a ubale wabwino. Ngati zimenezo sizikukwanira ndipo mnzanu sakufotokoza zakukhosi kwake nthawi zonse, sakugawana malingaliro ake, sakukulimbikitsani, kapena sakuvutika nanu, zingakupangitseni kumva kuti simukusamala muubwenzi. Komanso, kusalankhulana kungapangitse ubale kukhala malo okulirapo kusamvana ndi kukayikira. Zonsezi zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusatsimikizika ndipo zimakupangitsani kudzifunsa kuti muli pati m'moyo wawo.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukupeza kuti mukudandaula ndi maganizo monga, "Chibwenzi changa chili kutali koma akunena kuti palibe cholakwika," ndi chifukwa chakuti mumatha kuona kuti pali vuto koma kuyesetsa kuti mnzanuyo akumasulireni sikunapeze zotsatira. Zikatero, kuchita zinthu mosadziteteza kapena kusagwirizana ndi maganizo kungawonjezere kusatetezeka muubwenzi. Zimenezi zingachititse kuti muyambe kuganiza kuti, “Chibwenzi changa chimandichititsa kudziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka.”

3. Kudzikayikira

Momwe mnzanu amachitira zinthu muubwenzi kapena momwe amakuchitirani ndi gawo limodzi chabe la izi. Kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika komanso kudzidalira kumachita mbali yayikulu pakudziwa momwe mumamvera muubwenzi. Ngati muli ndi kudziona kuti ndinu wodzidalira , mungaganize kuti simukuyenera kukondedwa kapena kudzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani sindili woyenera kwa iye?” Izi zimapangitsa kuti mukhale ndi mantha opitilirapo kuti mnzanuyo pamapeto pake adzapeza munthu “wabwino” kapena woyenera kwambiri.

Kusokonekera kwamkatiku kungakupangitseni kufuna kutsimikiziridwa ndi okondedwa wanu, kuunika mopambanitsa zochita zawo, kapena kutanthauzira molakwika khalidwe lopanda vuto ngati zizindikiro zoti sakufuna. Ngati mwakhala mukudzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndili wosatetezeka muubwenzi wanga?”, zingakhale bwino kutembenukira mkati ndikusanthula ubale wanu ndi inu nokha.

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4. Nkhani zodalirana zosathetsedwa

Kukhala wosatetezeka muubwenzi kumalumikizidwa kwambiri ndi zinthu zomwe zimakudalirani, kaya mu ubale wanu kapena wakale. Ngati mnzanuyo akupatsani zifukwa zokayikirira kukhulupirika kwake—monga kunama, kubisa zinthu, kapena kubisa—zingayambitse kusakhulupirirana. Momwemonso, ngati munanamizidwa, kunamiziridwa, kapena kuperekedwa ndi munthu wakale, malingaliro amenewo amatha kupitilira, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuti mukhulupirire mnzanuyo.

Muzochitika zonsezi, kusadzidalira kwanu ndi njira yodzitetezera yomwe imachokera ku mantha oti mungavulazidwenso. Komabe, nkhani zosathetsedwa zokhudzana ndi kudalirana sizithandiza ubale. Zingakupangitseni kukhala maso kwambiri, kuganizira kwambiri chilichonse ndikukayikira zolinga za mnzanuyo, zomwe zimangowonjezera kusadzidalira kwanu.

5. Kuopa kukanidwa kapena kusiyidwa

Kukhala wosatetezeka muubwenzi kungakhalenso chifukwa cha mantha ozama a kukanidwa kapena kusiyidwa , omwe nthawi zambiri amachokera ku zomwe zinachitika ali mwana kapena maubwenzi oyambirira. Ngati mukudziwa momwe kumva kunyalanyazidwa muubwenzi kulili, mungamve kuda nkhawa kuti mudzataya mnzanu, ngakhale palibe umboni weniweni wosonyeza kuti adzachoka. Mantha amenewa angawonekere ngati kumangokhalira kumangokhalira kumangokhalira kumangofuna kutsimikiziridwa. Ngati mnzanuyo sakukwaniritsa zosowa izi, mantha omwe mukuwaona m'maganizo mwanu amayamba kumva ngati enieni, zomwe zimawonjezera kusatetezeka muubwenzi.

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6. Kudziyerekezera ndi ena

Kuyerekeza ndi kudzimva wosatetezeka muubwenzi kumayendera limodzi. Mukayerekeza ubale wanu kapena inuyo ndi ena, mungamve ngati mukulephera. Kuonera nthawi zonse zithunzi za maanja "abwino" pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, mwachitsanzo, kungakupangitseni kukayikira ubale wanu, ngakhale palibe cholakwika ndi zimenezo. Kapena kuyerekeza nthawi zonse mnzanu ndi wakale wanu kapena inuyo ndi wakale wa mnzanuyo kungakupangitseni kumva ngati simukuyenerera. Mumakayikira kufunika kwanu, kukonda kwa mnzanuyo, kapena ngati ubale wanu uli pamlingo winawake. Zotsatira zake, mungadzipeze mukunena kuti, "Ndikudziwa kuti chibwenzi changa chimandikonda koma ndimadziona ngati wosatetezeka."

7. Kusalinganika kwa maubale

Zosintha zam'mbali zimathanso kukupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka muubwenzi. Ngati mukumva ngati mukupereka zambiri kuposa zomwe mumalandira, kapena mnzanuyo ali ndi mphamvu zambiri pazachuma, m'malingaliro, kapena popanga zisankho - mutha kuda nkhawa kuti mnzanuyo sakuyamikirani kapena atha kukulowetsani m'malo. Kusalinganika kumeneku kumapangitsa kudziona kuti ndinu wosakwanira ndipo kumakupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka pa gawo lanu muubwenzi, kumapanga nkhawa ngati mnzanu amakuyamikiranidi kapena amakukondani chifukwa cha zomwe muli.

Kodi Wokondedwa Wanu Angakupangitseni Kudzimva Osatetezeka?

Tsopano popeza takambirana zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka muubwenzi, tiyeni tifufuze mwatsatanetsatane gawo la bwenzi lanu poyambitsa kapena kulimbikitsa kusatetezeka kumeneko. Pamene mukulimbana ndi kusatetezeka paubwenzi, kuwonjezera pa kudzifunsa kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndili wosatetezeka muubwenzi wanga?”, mumadzifunsanso kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani bwenzi/mwamuna wanga amandipangitsa kudziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka? N’chifukwa chiyani ndimadziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka ndi bwenzi langa/mkazi wanga?”

Zili choncho chifukwa ngakhale mnzanuyo atakhala kuti si woyambitsa kukayikira kwanu, khalidwe lawo likhoza kukulitsa malingaliro amenewo kapena kubweretsa zoyambitsa zogona. Zina mwazofala ndi,

• Kukopa
• Manyazi thupi
• monyozera
• Kukhala wachinsinsi
• Kukhala wosadalirika
• Kupewa kudzipereka
• Kusaganizira zofuna zanu

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“Kusadzikonda komanso kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika kwenikweni kumawonjezera kudzimva wosatetezeka muubwenzi . Ngati simunakhalepo ndi ubale wachikondi komanso wotetezeka ndi makolo anu kapena munakhumudwitsidwa kale muubwenzi wachikondi, zingakupangitseni kukhala osatetezeka,” akutero Dr. Bhimani. Kudalira mnzanu pazachuma kungakupangitseninso kudzimva wosatetezeka. Nthawi zina, kupambana kwa mnzanu pa gawo lililonse, makamaka laukadaulo, kungakhalenso chifukwa chachikulu cha kusakhazikika muubwenzi.

Kafukufuku wa mu 2013 wofalitsidwa mu Journal of Personality and Social Psychology adapeza kuti kupambana kwa mnzanu kungapangitse kuti munthu adzilemekeze (chifukwa mumakhala ndi ulemerero wowonekera); ndipo kumbali ina, kupambana kwa mnzanu kungapangitse kuti munthu adzilemekeze ngati titamasulira kuti “mnzanu wapambana” kuti “mnzanu wapambana kuposa ine”. Kafukufukuyu adawonetsa kuti kudzidalira kwa amuna kunkakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi kupambana kwa mnzawo.

Zizindikiro 5 Zomwe Wokondedwa Wanu Amakupangitsani Kukhala Osatetezeka

Takambirana kale zomwe zimapangitsa mkazi kukhala wosatetezeka muubwenzi ndi chifukwa chake amuna amamva osatetezeka ndi okondedwa awo. Chifukwa chachikulu cha kusatetezeka chikhoza kukhala mwa inu kapena chingakhale chochokera kwa mnzanu. Ndiye kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati kusatetezeka komwe mukumva muubwenzi wanu kumachitika chifukwa cha mnzanu? Nazi zizindikiro zisanu za kusatetezeka zomwe zikusonyeza izi:

1. Mukufuna kutsimikiziridwa nthawi zonse

Nthawi zonse mumafuna chilimbikitso ndi chitsimikizo cha maganizo kuchokera kwa mnzanu. Mwachitsanzo, mumafuna kuti nthawi zambiri azikuyamikani chifukwa cha makhalidwe anu (mawonekedwe anu kapena nzeru zanu) ndi luso lanu (luso loyendetsa galimoto kapena kuphika) ndipo ngati mnzanuyo sakukupatsani chitsimikizo chomwe mukufuna (mwadala kapena mosadziwa), zingayambitse kudzimva wosatetezeka.

Chizoloŵezichi chimawonekera makamaka kwa amayi omwe ali ndi vuto la maonekedwe a thupi. Nthawi zambiri, ndemanga zokhuza maonekedwe ndizomwe zimapangitsa mkazi kukhala wosatetezeka pachibwenzi. Izi zingakulepheretseni kudandaula kuti, "Chibwenzi changa chimandichititsa kudziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka ndi maonekedwe anga."

Violet anali m'manja mwawo. Nthawi zonse akavala diresi lopanda manja, chibwenzi chake Rob ankanena kuti, “Hei, chonde valani jekete, manja anu amaoneka onenepa.” Mawu oterowo anangomupangitsa kudziona kukhala wosakongola ndi womvetsa chisoni. Anauza mnzake wapamtima kuti, “Ndikudziwa kuti chibwenzi changa chimandikonda koma ndimadziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka.” Momwemonso, zonena za kupambana kwa akatswiri, kuchita bwino pakama, kapena kufananiza mosalekeza ndi bwenzi lakale kungapangitse amuna kukhala osatetezeka paubwenzi.

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2. Wokondedwa wanu amanyalanyaza zosowa zanu

Mumadzipeza kuti mukufuna chisamaliro cha mnzanu ndipo simukumva bwino mukamasiyidwa nokha. Kukhala wosowa komanso womangika ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kusadzidalira m'maganizo. Zitha kukhala chifukwa cha kunyalanyazidwa ndi kusiyidwa ndi ana. N'zothekanso kuti kufunikira chisamaliro kumeneku komanso kusadzidalira komwe kumachitika pamene zosowazo sizikwaniritsidwa kumachokera ku kunyalanyaza kwa mnzanuyo zosowa zanu zamaganizo muubwenzi.

“Mnzanu akamanyalanyaza zofuna zanu zaubwenzi wokulirapo koma amakunyozani kapena kukudzudzulani chifukwa chokhala ndi zofunika zimenezo, n’kwachibadwa kuti muzidziona ngati wosatetezeka ponena za tsogolo la ubwenzi wanu,” akutero Dr. Bhimani. Ngati ndi zomwe mwakhala mukukumana nazo muubwenzi wanu, zingayambitse kusatetezeka m'maganizo.

3. Mukuchita mantha kuwataya

Mungaone kuti simukukhutiritsa mnzanuyo mwanjira ina. Mwina sanakudziwitseni kwa banja lawo. Ngakhale atakhala limodzi kwa zaka zingapo, sanapange kudzipereka kwamtundu uliwonse kusonyeza kuti akuwona tsogolo ndi inu. Zimenezi zingakupangitseni kuganizabe kuti ubwenziwo utha nthawi ina iliyonse, ndipo zimenezi zingakupangitseni kukhala osatetezeka.

Mukalowa muubwenzi ndi chiyembekezo kapena chiyembekezo chakuti udzakula kukhala ubale wakuya, wofunika, komanso wanthawi yayitali koma wokondedwa wanu sakukonzekera kukumana nanu pakati kapena mukuona kuti sali ndi malingaliro ofanana ndi anu amtsogolo, kusatsimikizika kungayambitse nkhawa zambiri. Maganizo amenewa amatanthauzidwa kuti, "Mnzanga/chibwenzi changa/chibwenzi changa chimandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wosatetezeka."

4. Mumafunsabe za nthawi yawo

Ngati mupitiliza kufunsa mnzanu kumene adzakhala panthawi yomwe ali kutali ndi inu, komanso amene ali naye, mukuwonetsa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kusadzidalira paubwenzi . Izi zitha kukhala chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo mwina anakunamizani kale kapena sanaulule bwino zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wawo. Izi zakhudza chidaliro muubwenziwo, zomwe zakusandutsani mnzanu wosadzidalira.

Ngati mphamvu zanu zonse ziyamba kudandaula ndi zomwe mnzanuyo akuchita, kaya akusiyani, kapena akukukondani, palibe kutsutsa kuti kusatetezeka kwakhudza kwambiri ubale wanu. Choyambitsa chikhoza kukhala khalidwe la mnzanuyo lodzipatula kapena lodzipatula.

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5. Mumakonda kuseka

Ngati muli ndi chizolowezi choyang'ana foni kapena kompyuta ya mnzanu nthawi zonse, ndi chizindikiro cha kusadzidalira kwambiri. Mungadzilungamitse mwa kudziuza kuti: “Ndikuchita izi chifukwa chibwenzi changa chimandipangitsa kudzimva kuti ndine wosatetezeka.” Koma khalidwe lotere ndi loletsa kwambiri chifukwa limaphwanya ufulu wake wachinsinsi.

Apanso, chifukwa chachikulu cha chizolowezi ichi chikhoza kukhala mu ubale wanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mwapeza wokondedwa wanu akuzemberana ndi munthu wakale pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti kapena akukopana ndi mnzanu wa kuntchito, mungadzimve kukhala wosatetezeka kuti asochera. Zikatero, yankho la funso, chifukwa chiyani ine wosatetezeka mu ubale wanga, mwina, kunama kwambiri ndi mmene mnzanuyo amachitira mu ubale. Komabe, izi sizikutanthauza kuti katundu wanu wamalingaliro alibe gawo lochita pano.

“Kudziona kukhala wosadziŵika pafupifupi nthaŵi zonse kumachokera m’maganizo ndi m’maganizo a munthu.” Inde, malingaliro kapena khalidwe la mnzanuyo lingakhale likuyambitsa kusadzisungika kwanu koma chenicheni chakuti zimenezi zikuchitika nkomwe chimasonyeza kuti panali kale kusasungika kosadziŵika kwinakwake m’maganizo mwanu,” akutero Dr. Bhimani. Ichi ndichifukwa chake, poyesa kumvetsetsa zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kudziyang'ana ndikumvetsetsa momwe mumamvera komanso momwe mumakhalira.

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Momwe Mungalimbanire Ndi Kudzimva Wosatetezeka Paubwenzi

Ndi chinthu chimodzi kuvomereza kuti: “Mnzanga amandipangitsa kudzimva kukhala wosasungika.” Ndipo chinthu chinanso chothana nacho m'njira yoyenera. M'malo mwake, mukafunsa funso lakuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani ndili wosatetezeka muubwenzi wanga?", Kuyika mlandu kwa munthu wina ndikudziwona ngati wozunzidwa kumakhala kosavuta kusiyana ndi kuvomereza kuti inunso mungakhale mukupangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wosatetezeka ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti muthetse mavuto.

Kuyang'ana mkati ndi kumvetsetsa njira zomwe mungachite kuti muchotse kusadzidalira muubwenzi wanu kungakhale kovuta koma sikuti sizingatheke. Ndi chitsogozo choyenera komanso kudzidziwa bwino, mutha kutsogolera ubale wanu panjira yotetezeka komanso yokhutiritsa. Pachifukwa ichi, nazi malingaliro ena othana ndi kusadzidalira muubwenzi :

1. Dzikondeni ndi kudziyamikira nokha

Yankho la mmene mungagonjetsere kusadzidalira lagona pa kuphunzira kudzikonda ndi kudzivomereza nokha monga momwe mulili. Ngati simudzikonda nokha, simudzakhulupirira kuti wina aliyense angakukondeni. Ganizirani za makhalidwe anu onse abwino—kukoma mtima kwanu, chisangalalo, ndi kudalirika. Limbikitsani malingaliro omwe mumakondweretsa okondedwa anu - kuti mumamukonda ndi kuwathandiza komanso kuti amadziwa ndikuyamikira.

"Pakhoza kukhala mawu odzudzula m'mutu mwanu omwe amayang'ana kwambiri makhalidwe anu oipa. Musalole kuti ayambe kulamulira. Khalani okoma mtima ndi achifundo kwa inu nokha. Dzivomereni momwe muliri - warts ndi zonse. Iyi ndi njira yokhayo yomwe mungalole kuti mawu onyoza onenedwa ndi mnzanu kapena mwamuna wanu apweteke maganizo anu kapena kudziona kuti ndinu ofunika," akutero Dr. Bhimani.

Ngati mungathe kudzikonda bwino , maganizo monga akuti “Mwamuna wanga amandipangitsa kudziona ngati wosafunika” kapena “Mkazi wanga amandipangitsa kudziona ngati wosakwanira” sadzakuwonongerani mtendere wamumtima. Mukangoyamba kudzikonda nokha, kufunikira kotsimikizira mnzanu kudzachepa, ndipo pamodzi ndi zimenezo, kudzimva ngati wosatetezeka kudzachepa.

2. Limbikitsani kudzidalira kwanu

M'malo moyang'ana mnzanuyo kuti muyamikire ndi kutsimikizira, yesetsani kulimbikitsa kudzidalira ndi kudzidalira. Kudzidalira kwanu ndi moyo wanu zisadalire pa iwo. Izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita mukamadziona kuti ndinu osatetezeka: pezani njira kuti mukhale mtundu wabwino kwambiri wa inu nokha. Yang'anani pakuchita bwino mwaukadaulo, phunzirani pa intaneti kuti mukulitse luso lanu, kapena yesetsani kukhala athanzi komanso abwino (ngati ndizomwe zingakupangitseni kudzidalira).

Ngati muli ndi vuto la maonekedwe a thupi lanu, ndipo nthawi zambiri mumadzimva kuti ndinu ofooka mukaganiza kuti, “Ndikumva kuti sindili otetezeka ndi thupi langa pafupi ndi chibwenzi changa/mwamuna wanga”, yesetsani kusintha momwe mungadziwonere nokha ndikukhala ndi thanzi labwino la thupi lanu. Mawu kapena zochita za mnzanu nthawi zambiri zimangoyambitsa kusakhazikika komwe kulipo kale ndipo sizimakupangitsani. Chifukwa chake, kuti musiye kukhala osatetezeka muubwenzi wanu, muyenera kupeza chomwe chimayambitsa kusakhazikika kwanu ndikuchotsa.

3. Uzani wokondedwa wanu momwe mukumvera

Lankhulani zosatetezeka zanu kwa wokondedwa wanu bwino. Sankhani nthawi imene nonse mukuona kuti mukugwirizana kuti mukambirane nkhaniyo. Ngati muli omasuka za mawu kapena zochita zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka, ndipo pali chikondi muubwenzi, mnzanuyo adzayesetsadi kusintha khalidwe lawo.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati anakusekani chifukwa choti ndinu wophika woipa, kapena kuseka kusadziwa kwanu zinthu zomwe zikuchitika, ndipo zimenezo zinakupangitsani kuganiza kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani sindili woyenera kwa iye?”, n’kofunika kuti adziwe bwino momwe mukumvera. Adzasiya kukusekani mukangogonjetsa zopinga zolumikizirana ndi kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu moona mtima.

Dr. Bhimani akuti, “Uyenera kulankhula momveka bwino, m’malo mongoganizira za zinthu zosiyanasiyana, kambiranani ndi mnzanuyo pamaso panu, fufuzani chifukwa chimene mnzanuyo akuchitira zinthu zinazake. Kulankhulana momveka bwino kukupatsani mpumulo wotsimikizirika.”

4. Fotokozani zomwe mukufuna

Komanso, ndikofunikira kunena momveka bwino kusintha komwe mukufuna. Ngati mwakhumudwitsidwa ndi mawu oipa a mnzanuyo, auzeni. Simuyenera kumenyana, mungangowauza mosapita m’mbali kuti, “Kodi mungasinthe khalidwe lanu chifukwa ndimadziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka?” Izi zikuyenera kuchita chinyengo,” adatero Dr. Bhimani.

Gawo loyamba lophunzirira momwe mungagonjetsere kusadzidalira ndikulankhulana momveka bwino, mwachidule, komanso popanda mikangano ndi wokondedwa wanu. Musamachite zinthu mwankhanza kapena kuchita zinthu zosonyeza kuti simukusangalala ndi zomwe mnzanuyo wachita. Fotokozani momwe zilili, popanda kuweruza kapena kudzudzula.

5. Kumvetsetsa zolinga za wokondedwa wanu

Dr. Bhimani akuti, “Mnzakoyo angakhale akukupangitsa dala kudziona kuti ndiwe wosatetezeka chifukwa amafunikira chisamaliro chochuluka, m’mawu ena atha kukhala akukopana ndi ena kuti akuchitire nsanje.Izi zikhoza kukhala njira yawo yofotokozera zosowa zawo zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe muubwenzi, ngakhale m’njira yosayenera. kunyalanyazidwa kapena kusakondedwa, perekani chisamaliro chowonjezereka kwa iwo, apangitseni kumva kukondedwa.”

Ngati izi zachitika mwadala komanso ndi cholinga chofuna kulamulira, kupangitsa mnzanuyo kumva kuti sali wotetezeka kungakhale njira yopezera chikondi . Mnzanuyo akhoza kukhala akuyang'ana zofooka zanu kuti atsimikizire kuti akukuvutitsani pamene akugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zochepa muubwenzi wanu. Momwe mumachitira kapena kuthana ndi kudzimva kuti simuli wotetezeka muubwenzi wanu zimadalira chifukwa chake, choncho onetsetsani kuti mwamvetsa chifukwa chake.

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6. Yambitsaninso moto muubwenzi wanu

Pambuyo pa zaka zingapo mutakhala pabanja kapena kukhala pachibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali, mutha kukhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndi maudindo apakhomo ndi pantchito yanu kuti musayambe kugwirizana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Izi zingachititse kuti m'modzi kapena onse awiri azimva kuti mwanyalanyazidwa muubwenzi , zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zochita ndi makhalidwe ena azikupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka.

Mvetserani komwe khalidwe lawo likuchokera ndikuyesera kukonza nthawi yomwe nonse mungagwirizane ngati banja losasamala ndikusunga moto muubwenzi wanu. Yesetsani kukondweretsa wokondedwa wanu. Kubwezeretsanso kulumikizana kwanu pafupipafupi pamene mukukula ndikusintha, payekhapayekha komanso ngati banja, kungathandize kuti kusatetezeka kuchitike.

7. Pangani miyambo yotonthoza

Ndikudabwa, bwanji osakhala otetezeka mu ubale? Mutha kusintha ndikuyamba kuthetsa kusatetezeka, kapena kuphunzira kuwongolera bwino, ndikupanga ubale wanu kukhala malo otetezeka komanso osangalatsa kwa inu ndi mnzanu. Mukapeza chitonthozo ndi chitonthozo wina ndi mnzake, mwachibadwa mudzamva kukhala osungika kwambiri pakati panu.

Kuti muchite zimenezo, pangani miyambo ina yoti muzigwirizana ndi mnzanu tsiku lililonse. Pitani kokayenda m'mawa, kuphika chakudya limodzi, kuonera pulogalamu ya pa TV nthawi zonse, onetsani chikondi chanu mwakukhudzana ndi kukumbatirana, kapena lowani nawo kalasi yochita zinthu monga zaluso kapena nyimbo pamodzi zomwe zingakupatseni chochita chogawana.

8. Dulani machitidwe akale

Aliyense wa ife amanyamula katundu wathu wamaganizo pamodzi nafe ndipo amaubweretsanso ku ubale wathu. Katunduyu amatsimikiza momwe timalumikizirana ndi okondedwa athu komanso momwe timachitira mu ubale wathu. Kudziwa katunduyu kungakuthandizeni kusintha machitidwe akale, oipa, omwe amathandiza kwambiri kuthetsa kusadzidalira. Dziphunzitseni kuganiza ndikuchita zinthu mosiyana ndi momwe munkachitira mu ubale wakale womwe unalephera.

Kuchita izi sikungakhale kophweka koma kungakhale yankho lothandiza kwambiri la momwe mungakhalire osatetezeka muubwenzi. N'zovuta kwa anthu ambiri kuyamba ulendo wodzifufuza okha komanso kudzidziwa okha. Kugwira ntchito ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo kapena mlangizi kungakhale kopindulitsa kwambiri pa ntchitoyi. Ngati kusadzidalira kwanu kwazika mizu ndipo kwayamba kukhudza ubwino wa ubale wanu, ganizirani kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri. Alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito komanso aluso omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.

9. Yesetsani kusiya kuganiza mopambanitsa

Malingaliro anu amakhudza momwe mumamvera ndipo zonsezi zimakhudza khalidwe lanu, ndipo pamapeto pake ubale wanu. Ngati mupitiriza kusanthula mawu aliwonse kapena zochita za mnzanuyo, mudzasokonezeka kosalekeza. Ndipo, mumangoganiza kuti, "Amandipangitsa kudzimva kukhala wosatetezeka dala."

Koma kodi zilidi choncho? Mwina mukutaya tulo, "Mnzanga / bwenzi langa / chibwenzi changa ali kutali koma akunena kuti palibe cholakwika", pamene, kwenikweni, palibe cholakwika chilichonse. Mwina mnzanu amangofunika nthawi yokha. Ndi chifukwa chake amangokhalira kutalikirana ndi inu. Khalani ndi malingaliro athanzi komanso abwino, ndipo yesetsani kuti musayambe kujambula zochitika zoyipa kwambiri m'mutu mwanu ngati zinthu sizingachitike monga momwe mukuyembekezera komanso zomwe mukuyembekezera. Zimenezi zidzakuthandizani kuthetsa kusatetezeka.

10. Osafanizira

Limodzi mwa malangizo osavuta amomwe mungakhalire osatetezeka muubwenzi ndikupewa kufananiza msampha zivute zitani. Nkofala kuyang’ana okwatirana ena ndi kuyerekezera mkhalidwe wanu ndi wawo. Ganizirani za ubale ngati mkangano. Zomwe mukuwona ndi nsonga chabe, pakhoza kukhala zigawo zina zambiri zomwe simukuzidziwa.

“Osafanizira ubale wanu ndi anthu okwatirana, chifukwa chakuti mnzako akungocheza ndi mnzanu amene akubera, mwina inunso simungatero,” akulangiza motero Dr. Bhimani. Mofananamo, musamadzione kuti ndinu osakwanira pa ubale wanu chifukwa chakuti mnzanu amaika zithunzi mlungu uliwonse usiku ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake wa zaka 14 kapena mukudziwa banja lomwe limapita kokayenda Lamlungu lililonse.

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11. Perekani mpata wopuma

Kupatsa mnzanu ufulu muubwenzi n'kofunika kwambiri. Kuyesa kulamulira zochita za mnzanuyo kumangobweretsa mavuto. "Vomerezani kuti akhoza kukhala wosiyana ndi inu, ndipo angakhale ndi malingaliro osiyana kapena kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyana. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti sakusamalani," akutero Dr. Bhimani. Malo okwanira muubwenzi angakuthandizeni nonse kukhala osangalala monga anthu payekha komanso ngati banja.

Osalowa m'malo oganiza mopambanitsa ngati mnzanu akufuna kukhala Loweruka ndi abwenzi m'malo mwa inu kapena atayimba foni osanena kuti, "Ndimakukondani". M'malo mwake, izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita mukamadzimva kuti ndinu osatetezeka: apatseni malo oti adzikhala okha ndikudzipangiranso malo omwewo. Izi zidzakuthandizani kuyamikirana wina ndi mzake chifukwa cha zomwe muli m'malo mokhala osatetezeka kuti mnzanuyo sakukwaniritsa zomwe akuyenera kukhala.

12. Dzifunseni mafunso ena

Kodi ndimakonda chiyani za wokondedwa wanga? Kodi ndikupeza zomwe ndiyenera muubwenzi? Ponseponse, kodi nthawi zambiri ndimakhala wokondwa kapena womvetsa chisoni muubwenzi? Kodi zimandivuta kukhulupirira munthu amene ndimamukonda? Kodi vuto lomwe mwamuna/chibwezi wanga amandipangitsa kudziona kuti ndine wosatetezeka pathupi langa?

Ndipo, pomalizira pake, kodi pali chifukwa chenicheni choti ndidzimve kukhala wosasungika? Kodi mnzangayo wandinamiza kapena ndinawonapo ma text pa foni awo osonyeza kuti akunyenga? Monga tanenera poyamba, ngati mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungagonjetsere kusatetezeka, muyenera kufunsa mafunso ena osamasuka. Mayankho a mafunso amenewa angakuthandizeni kudziwa chifukwa chake mumadziona kuti ndinu wosatetezeka komanso mmene mungathanirane nazo.

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13. Yesetsani kudziyimira pawokha

Yankho la momwe mungagonjetsere kusatetezeka liri pakuzindikira kuti ndinu athunthu komanso okwanira nokha. Dzisamalireni ndipo funani kudziimira paokha—mwakuthupi, m’maganizo, ndi m’maganizo. Kudzikonda ndi kudzisamalira zidzathetsa kusatetezeka. Ngati moyo wanu umayenda mozungulira mnzanuyo, muyenera kudzimva kukhala wosatetezeka. Dzikhulupirireni nokha ndikudziwuza nokha kuti mutha kudzisamalira nokha.

Kukhala ndi anangula ochepa m'moyo wanu kupatula ubale wanu kungakupangitseni kukhala osatetezeka. N’chifukwa chake n’kofunika kuganizira zinthu zonse zimene zimakusangalatsani monga ntchito yanu, anzanu, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi nthaŵi zonse, zosangalatsa, ndi zolinga zina zodzipezera chimwemwe, n’kumaika maganizo anu pa zimenezo.

14. Limbikitsani maubwenzi ena

Kusakhalapo kwa maubwenzi ena okhutiritsa m’moyo wanu—titi, ndi makolo, abale, kapena mabwenzi—kungakupangitseni kudalira kwambiri mnzanuyo. Mukayika cholemetsa chokwaniritsa zosowa zanu zonse kwa mnzanuyo ndipo amalephera kukwaniritsa zosowazo, kusatetezeka kumatha kubweretsa mutu wawo woyipa. Chinsinsi chogonjetsera kusatetezeka ndikumangira moyo wokhazikika pomwe mnzanu si gwero lanu lokha la chisangalalo, kukhutira, ndi kukhutitsidwa.

Chifukwa chake, m'malo momangokhalira kudandaula za "mkazi wanga / chibwenzi changa / chibwenzi changa chimandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wosatetezeka", perekani mphamvu zanu kukulitsa maubwenzi ndi zolinga zina pamoyo wanu. Ubwenzi wanu ukakhala kuti sudzakhala zonse-ndi-mathero a moyo wanu wonse, mungayambe kudziona ngati wosatetezeka.

Maganizo Final

Kukhala wosatetezeka muubwenzi ndi cholepheretsa chachikulu paubwenzi. Zingakuchititseni nsanje yosayenerera. Zingakupangitseni kuyesa kulamulira wokondedwa wanu, zomwe ndi khalidwe loipa. Mwa kuchotsa kusadzisungika mutha kusangalala ndi ubale wosangalatsa komanso wokhutiritsa. Tikukhulupirira kuti popeza mwamvetsetsa zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka muubwenzi, mudzatha kusokoneza machitidwe anu akale ndikuphunzira kuchita nawo SO yanu mwaumoyo, komanso mwadongosolo.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.