Tom ndi Jerry anali owoneka bwino kwambiri, sichoncho? Tom amathamangira kumbuyo kwa Jerry ndi poto yokazinga mphindi imodzi, ndikumva chisoni masekondi angapo pambuyo pake pamene anaganiza kuti Jerry wamwalira. Ubale wawo wa chidani chachikondi unali magawo ofanana azithunzi, ndi magawo ofanana abwino. Koma kachiwiri…Tom ndi Jerry anali ojambula.
Ngati inu, wamkulu wamkulu, mumanyadira paubwenzi womwe umasokonekera, ndiye kuti nkhaniyi ndi yofunika kuiwerenga kwa inu. Kukondana ndi maubwenzi odana ndi chikondi kwatha. Pali mabuku ambiri ndi mafilimu amene amalemekeza 'adani kwa okonda' trope; aliyense amafuna kukhala ndi kugwirizana sizzling kumene zibwenzi akukangana poyamba, ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi kupanga pa countertop.
Makanema okhudza chibwenzi monga Clueless, ndi 10 Things I Hate About You apereka chithunzi chabwino kwambiri. Koma zoona zake n'zakuti, kulota za zochitika ngati zimenezi, kapena kuyesetsa kuzikwaniritsa n'kosathandiza kwenikweni.
Yakwana nthawi yoti tikambirane mbali zambiri za ubale wachikondi ndi chidani. Ngati ndinu munthu amene wasokonezeka ndi chikhalidwe cha ubale wawo, musadandaulenso. Ndabwera kuti ndikufotokozereni zomwe mukuzifuna kwambiri, ndikuwunika zenizeni zochepa ngati bonasi. Koma iyi si ntchito ya mkazi mmodzi ...
Ndili ndi Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani yopatukana ndi kusudzulana. Ali pano kuti atithandize kuthetsa mavuto a ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani ndikuyankha mafunso ambiri omwe mungakhale nawo. Tiyeni tiyambe kukambirana!
Kodi Ubale Wachidani ndi Chikondi Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Funso la madola mamiliyoni ambiri. Anthu ambiri ali muubwenzi wachikondi ndi chidani koma osazindikira chimodzimodzi. Ponena mawu omwe amanenedwa kwambiri, anthu ambiri sadziwa tanthauzo la ubale wachikondi ndi chidani . Ndipo zikuwoneka ngati zodzifotokozera zokha - ndiye nkhani yokhudza chiyani?
Ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani ndi umene anthu awiri okwatirana amasinthasintha pakati pa chikondi chotentha ndi chidani chozizira. Onse amakhala ofunda kwa sabata yonse, banja lanu lachibadwa lokongola; ndipo mukaona mmodzi wa iwo pambuyo pake, amakuuzani kuti ubalewo watha - kuti unatha pa mawu oipa kwambiri. Mukukumbukira nyimbo ya Hot and Cold ya Katy Perry? Imeneyo. Ndithudi, imeneyo.
Kutsatira njira ya ubalewu kuli ngati trigonometry yapamwamba. Ndani anati chiyani kwa ndani ndipo chifukwa chiyani? Kodi ali mu dongosolo lobwerezabwereza lobwerezabwereza ? Ndipo n’chifukwa chiyani sangapange chisankho kamodzi kokha?! Ubale wovuta, wosayembekezereka, komanso wamphamvu, chikondi ndi chidani ndi wovuta kwambiri kukhalamo.
Shazia akufotokoza kuti, “Chikondi ndi chidani ndi malingaliro awiri okhwima kwambiri. Ndipo ndi otsutsana pang'ono. Kawirikawiri, tikamagwiritsa ntchito malingaliro athu, timaposa kulingalira bwino. Kuganiza bwino kumakhala kovuta kwambiri mukamagwiritsa ntchito chikondi kapena chidani. Kumakutopetsa maganizo, kumatsutsana kwambiri, ndipo koposa zonse sikudziwika. Kupita komwe mukupita sikukudziwika bwino.”
Kukhala pamodzi kwa chikondi ndi chidani nthawi zonse kumakhala kovuta, chifukwa zinthu zimakhala zosasinthasintha nthawi zonse. Michael (dzina losinthidwa kuti ateteze umunthu wake) waku Denver akulemba kuti, "Zinanditengera nthawi kuti ndimvetse chomwe chinali, koma ndinali ndi chibwenzi ndi chidani ndi mkazi wanga wakale. Sitinkadziwa zomwe zingachitike muukwati, komanso tinkayembekezera tsoka. Zinali zotopetsa kwambiri ndipo ndikusangalala kuti tonse tinaganiza zopatukana. Komabe, kukonza kuwonongeka kwatenga nthawi…"
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Magawo 12 a Kukula kwa Ubale - Kufotokozedwa
Zizindikiro 11 Kuti Muli Mu Ubale Wachidani ndi Chikondi
Pride and Prejudice, imodzi mwa mafilimu abwino kwambiri okhudza chikondi ndi chidani, yatsimikizira aliyense kuti nkhani yachikondi yakale imayamba ndi ubale wovuta. Apa ndi pomwe ndimapumira kwambiri. Owerenga anga okondedwa, mungadziganizire ngati Bambo Darcy wodzipatula kapena Lizzy Bennet wouma mtima, koma zoona zake ndi izi - ubale wanu ukufanana kwambiri ndi wa Kelly Kapoor ndi Ryan Howard wochokera ku The Office.
Kuti nditsimikize mkangano wanga ndi umboni wina wolimba, ndikupereka kwa inu zizindikiro 11 za ubale wa chidani ndi chikondi. Mutha kuyang'ana izi ngati chiwongolero chokwanira, kapena buku lophatikiza zonse. Mwakonzeka? Nazi…
1. Chitsanzo cha pendulum - Chiyanjano chachikondi ndi chidani
Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu za ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani ndi kusinthasintha pakati pa malingaliro amphamvu. Munthu amamva chikondi chachikulu ndi chikondi kwa wokondedwa wake, koma izi zimasanduka chidani chaudani patatha masiku angapo. Tiyeni tifotokoze izi ndi chitsanzo cha ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani: tidzatcha banjali Vanessa ndi Martin (ayi sindikudziwa aliyense wodziwana naye patali, bwanji mukuganiza choncho?).
Nenani Vanessa ndi Martin adapita kukadya chakudya chamadzulo chokondeka. Iwo anali ndi nthawi yabwino yotuluka, anayenda mu paki, anayamikirana wina ndi mzake, ndipo anabwerera kunyumba. Vanessa analembera anzake meseji kuti Mulungu wamudalitsa ndi mnzake wabwino ngati iyeyo. Patapita milungu ingapo, anzake atakumana naye kumsika, anamufunsa mwachisawawa Martin.
Koma chodabwitsa, chodabwitsa, Vanessa adati akuganiza zothetsa chibwenzicho. Anali wosakhwima, wamng'ono komanso wopusa, ndipo ankadzifunira yekha bwenzi labwino. Anzakewo anamumva akumva chisoni kwambiri. Mausiku awiri pambuyo pake, Vanessa adatumiza chithunzi cha iye ndi Martin pa Instagram ndi mawu akuti 'anapeza mlonda!'
2. Zatha…kwa nthawi yachisanu ndi chinayi
Kukhala ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana kwa munthu yemweyo ndi kwachibadwa. Mwinamwake munamvapo mnzanu akunena mwanthabwala kuti ali ndi unansi wachikondi ndi chidani ndi makolo. Koma pamene maganizo otsutsana oterowo ayamba kuchitapo kanthu, zinthu zimasokonekera. Ngati titachitadi pamalingaliro aliwonse omwe timakumana nawo, tidzakhala mu pickle.
Ubale waudani wachikondi umadziwika ndi kusweka ndi kupanga mapangidwe. Okwatiranawo amasiyana pafupipafupi, akumalengeza kuti ichi ndi chisankho kamodzi kokha. Koma amabwerera pamodzi ngati maginito awiri. Kusinthasintha kwa ubale wawo ndi gwero la kupsinjika kosalekeza ndi chisangalalo kwa iwo.
Shazia akunena za ubale wa see-saw uwu, "On-again off-again ndi chifukwa cha zizindikiro zofiira za ubale zomwe zanyalanyazidwa ndi onse awiri. Ndi chizindikiro cholimba cha mavuto osathetsedwa pakati pawo. Mwina pali kusowa kwa kufunitsitsa kuthana ndi mavuto kapena mikangano. Ngati ndewu ndi yosawoneka bwino, yomwe siikuganiziridwa, ndiye kuti imakhala yovulaza kwambiri. Kodi ndi zinthu zingati zomwe mungatsuke pansi pa kapeti?"
3. Kampasi yathyoka
Chifukwa simukudziwa komwe mukupita. Pa ubale uliwonse, nthawi zambiri pamakhala kumvetsetsa koyambira komwe ukupita. Ngati uli wopanda zingwe, munthu amadziwa kuti ndi wa kanthawi kochepa; ngati ndi ubale weniweni , ndiye kuti munthu amadziwa kuti udzatsogolera ku ukwati/kukhalira limodzi kapena china chake chonga chimenecho. Koma bwanji za ubale wachikondi ndi chidani?
Kodi zingatheke bwanji kudziwa komwe banjali lidzakhala zaka ziwiri pambuyo pake, pomwe sakudziwa zomwe zidzachitike kumapeto kwa sabata? Chifukwa ubalewu ukuyenda bwino, palibe amene akudziwa komwe angafike. Banja losasangalala…mitima yosweka…kupitilira kusatsimikizika? Nthawi yokha ingadziwike. Ndipo awa ndithudi sangakhale malo abwino kwambiri kukhalamo. Ine kwa chimodzi, ndikanafuna kudziwa kumene ine nditi ndikafike. Osandipatsa dongosolo lathunthu, koma kuwona mwachidule kungathandize bwino.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mawu 25 Okhudza Ubale Amene Amafotokozera Ubale Wamakono
4. Kuphwanyidwa moyipa malire ndi zizindikiro za ubale wachikondi ndi chidani
Chithunzi cha Venn cha maubwenzi osayenera ndi maubwenzi odana ndi chikondi ndi bwalo. 'Chidani' pamapeto pake chimachokera ku kuphwanyidwa malire a m'modzi kapena onse awiri. Ngati palibe kulemekeza malo a munthu wina, ndewu zimayamba. Anthu amadzitengera okha zinthu, amalephera momvetsa chisoni pakuwongolera mkwiyo, ndikuvulaza anzawo. Ngati ubale wanu umakondanso kuchita zinthu zowononga zomwe zimasokoneza malo anu, muli pachidano chachikondi.
Shazia akufotokoza bwino za maganizo a ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani, "Izi ndi zomwe ndimauza makasitomala anga nthawi zonse, ndipo uwu ndi upangiri wanga kwa inunso - khalani ndi malire abwino a ubale , ndipo dziwaninso malire a ena. Palibe mgwirizano womwe ungapitirire ngati ulibe makhalidwe ofunikira a ubale, ulemu ndiwo wofunika kwambiri. Mkangano wa chikondi ndi chidani umayamba chifukwa chokhala pafupi ndi mnzanu, komanso pamene palibe aliyense wa inu amene ali ndi malo opumira."
5. Kusowa kwa kuyankhulana KWENI
Kulankhulana kwapadera ndi vuto la ubale. Chizindikiro cha ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani ndi kulankhulana kochuluka (kopanda pake). Okwatirana amakambirana chilichonse kupatula zomwe zili zofunika kwenikweni. Kuthetsa mavuto, kulankhula za momwe akumvera kapena zolinga zawo pa ubalewo, komanso kukhala ndi maganizo otseguka ndi lingaliro lachilendo. Popanda kukambirana kofunikira kapena kwakukulu, ubalewo umakhala wosazama, okwatiranawo amakhala ofooka.
Choyipa kwambiri ndi chinyengo cha kulankhulana mozama. Anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi cha chikondi ndi chidani akamanena zinthu ngati izi, iye amandimvetsa bwino kuposa wina aliyense, akudzinyenga okha. Ngati amakumvetsa bwino choncho John, ndiye chifukwa chiyani unkamenyana pa Facebook masiku atatu apitawo, eti? Mwachidule, zokambirana za anthu akuluakulu ndi MIA kuchokera kwa anthu ogwirizana ndi chikondi ndi chidani.
6. Kutopa kosalekeza
Kuchokera pa kunyamula katundu wonse wamaganizo. Ndimadabwa nthawi zonse (ndi kusangalala) ndi mphamvu zomwe anthu omwe ali muubwenzi wachikondi ndi chidani ali nazo. Kodi sanathe bwanji kutopa?! Monga momwe Shazia adafotokozera, maubwenzi oterewa amasonyeza mavuto osathetsedwa - ndipo izi zikugwiranso ntchito pamlingo waumwini. Mwina zomwe zidachitika m'mbuyomu zatsogolera munthu ku mphamvu ya chikondi ndi chidani, mwina anali ndi ubale wachikondi ndi chidani ndi makolo.
Mulimonsemo, mabwenzi ali ndi ntchito zambiri zodzipangira okha. Izi zikhoza kutheka ndi machitidwe odzikuza, kapena pofunafuna kukwaniritsidwa m'mbali zina za moyo pambali pa chiyanjano. Koma njira yabwino kwambiri ndi chithandizo ndi uphungu. Katswiri wa zamaganizo ndiye chisankho chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite; amakuthandizani kuthetsa vuto lililonse laubwana, zokumana nazo zoipa, nkhanza, ndi zina zotero. Ngati mumadziona kuti ndinu wotopa nthawi zonse komanso wotopa ndi maganizo, pali mwayi wolimba kuti muli paubwenzi wachikondi ndi chidani.
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7. Zosankha zokhudzana ndi ego - Psychology yaubwenzi wachikondi-udani
Shazia akufotokoza za munthu wonyadayo kuti: “Kudzikuza ndiko kumayambitsa vuto.” Mu maunansi odana ndi chikondi anthu amasankha zimene amadziona kuti n’zabwino.
Tengani chitsanzo chapamwamba chaubwenzi wodana ndi chikondi: Ndewu zambiri muubwenzi wotere zimakhala zonyansa. Iwo ndi kalambulabwalo wa magawo a 'chidani', ndipo ali amphamvu pamlingo wina wonse. Kulalata, kukankhana, ngakhale kumenya, zoneneza zaumwini ndi kunyozetsa mlandu ndizofala. Kulimbana koipitsitsa, udani umakhala wamphamvu kwambiri; pamene chidani champhamvu kwambiri, chikondi chimene chimatsatirapo chimalimba.
Katswiri wa zamaganizo pa ubale wa chikondi ndi chidani wanena kuti anthu odzikonda amakonda kuchita nawo maubwenzi otere. Ndipo tangoganizirani kulimbana ndi munthu wodzikonda amenenso ndi mnzanu wachikondi. Kumbukirani zimene Muhammad Iqbal ananena - "Cholinga chachikulu cha kudzikuza si kuona chinachake, koma kukhala chinachake."
8. Kusakhulupirika konyansa
Ngakhale izi sizikugwira ntchito pa maubwenzi onse achikondi ndi chidani, zimachitika nthawi zambiri. Kunyenga kumachitika kawirikawiri panthawi ya 'chidani' muubwenzi, ndipo okwatirana amapatuka ngakhale zinthu zikakhala bwino. Zachidziwikire, kunyengedwa kungasiye chizindikiro chokhazikika pa wina, ndikumugwirizanitsa kwambiri ndi mnzanu amene ananyenga. Kusatsimikizika kosalekeza kumakhala chifukwa chonyengera - sindinadziwe komwe tinayima.
Zolemba za Ross Geller, "Tinali patchuthi!", Zimabwera m'maganizo. N’zosachita kufunsa kuti kusakhulupirika kumawononga ubwenzi ndipo kumayambitsa kukhulupirirana pakati pa anthu awiri. Mutha kukhala paubwenzi wachikondi-chidani ngati mwapusitsidwa ndi mnzanu mutakhala ngati-mtundu-wa-pafupifupi kusweka.
9. Sopo-opera vibes
Aka sewero losatha. Kwenikweni, sewerani sewero loseketsa. Tiyeni tipitirire ndi nyimbo zachikondi. Masewero ndi nkhani yaikulu pakati pa chikondi ndi chidani. Sikuti mikangano ya awiriwa ndi yoopsa chabe, koma imakhudza aliyense amene ali pafupi nawo kuti aonere seweroli. Kutumiza zinthu zopanda pake (kapena zankhanza) pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, kulankhulana molakwika kwa anthu okondana, kugonana kobwezera, kapena kupanga malo kuntchito, ndi zina mwa njira zomwe zingatheke. Sangathe kuthetsa ubalewo ndi ulemu.
Shazia akunena mwatsatanetsatane za izi, "Kudandaula za mnzanu ndi kuwononga ndalama. Muyenera kukhala oona mtima komanso omasuka nawo za izi. Ngati mumadzipeza mukukamba za mnzanu kuposa momwe mumalankhula naye , ndiye kuti muyenera kusintha momwe mumakhalira muubwenzi. Kulankhulana momveka bwino komanso kuwonekera bwino ndi makhalidwe abwino muubwenzi uliwonse."
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10. Chinachake chalakwika
Ubwenzi wachikondi ndi chidani nthawi zonse umamveka ngati chithunzi chochokera mufilimu ya Final Destination. Umapitiriza kuona tsoka. Chimwemwe sichikhalitsa ndipo pali chidziwitso chachikulu chakuti zinthu zitha kusokonekera nthawi iliyonse. Mukuyenda ndipo mukumva kutsitsimuka, mphepo yozizira ikukhudza nkhope yanu, zinthu zili bata ... koma munda uli wodzaza ndi mabomba okwirira. Muzochitika zotere zinthu ziwiri zitha kuchitika - mwina mumayenda pa zipolopolo za mazira, kapena muponda mabomba okwirira mosasamala motsatizana.
Ndi ubale uti womwe ungakhale wabwino pamene mukuyembekezera zinthu zoopsa? Dzifunseni kuti: Kodi ndimamva kupsinjika mumlengalenga ndikakhala ndi mnzanga? Kodi kupsinjika maganizo kumamveka nthawi ina? Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, kodi ndikuona ndewu zomwe zikuchitika kuchokera kutali?
11. Kugulitsa kwalephera
Anthu ambiri omwe ali muubwenzi wachikondi ndi chidani amaona okondedwa awo ngati mabanki. Mtundu waubwenzi umakhala wokhudzana kwambiri ndi malonda pomwe zinthu zimachitika mwanjira yokakamiza, ndipo zabwino ziyenera kubwezedwa. Mwachitsanzo, munthu A angauze munthu B kuti ndakukonzerani galimoto yanu ndipo simungathe kundipangira khofi? Nthawi zambiri zimamveka ngati onse awiri akusunga zigoli, ndipo akuchita zinthu zochepa chifukwa cha chikondi koma osati chifukwa cha udindo.
Dongosolo lamtunduwu silokhazikika ngakhale pang'ono, chifukwa chake magawo oyambira muubwenzi. Zizindikiro zonse za ubale wa chidani ndi chikondi, kuphatikizapo uwu, zimasonyeza kusakhwima maganizo kwa anthu okhudzidwawo. Munthu sangalephere kuganiza kuti ali ndi zambiri zoti azichita.
Apa tikufika kumapeto kwa psychology yodabwitsa ya chikondi ndi chidani. Shazia ndi ine ndikuyembekeza kuti takupatsani malingaliro owongolera. Kuyitana ndi kwanu kuti mupange, ndithudi - kodi ubalewu ndi wofunika kuyesayesa maganizo ndi thupi? Tilembereni kuti tidziwe mmene munakhalira. Sayonara!
Ibibazo
Ndikuwopa kuti ndizovuta "Ayi". Ubale wa chidani ndi chikondi siubwino chifukwa cha chikhalidwe chake chosatsimikizika komanso chosasinthika. Zimasokoneza maganizo kukhalamo, ndipo zimagawana makhalidwe ambiri ndi ubale woopsa. Anthu okhudzidwa nthawi zambiri amanyamula katundu wambiri wamalingaliro. Zonsezi, mphamvu ya chidani chachikondi imasonyeza nkhani zomwe sizinathe.
Inde, n’zothekadi. Kafukufuku wam'mbuyomu adawonetsanso kuti chikondi ndi chidani zimatha kukhalapo kwa munthu yemweyo. Sitingakhale mutu-chidendene m'chikondi ndi munthu nthawi zonse. Kukhala ndi mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, nsanje, ndi zina zotero ndizofala.
Limenelo ndi funso landakatulo kwambiri! Udani nthawi zambiri umayamba chifukwa cha chikondi (m'nkhani yachikondi) ndipo ziwirizi zimalumikizana kwambiri. Nsanje zachikondi zimatha kuyambitsa chidani kwa mnzanu. Ngakhale kuti chidani ndi chikondi n'zofanana mu mphamvu ndi mapangidwe ake, ndinganene kuti chidani chikhoza kukhala chowononga kwambiri kuposa chikondi.
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
