Yiziphi Izinyathelo Ezi-5 Ebudlelwaneni Futhi Kungani Zibalulekile?

Ucabanga ukuthi ziyini izitebhisi ezi-5 ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe kwakuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokusondelana lapho umlingani wakho ekwenzela isobho ukuze uphulukise ikhala lakho eligijima? Futhi kuthiwani ngesigaba 'sokulwa' ebudlelwaneni, lapho indlu yakho ifana nendandatho ye-WWE? 

Phela, uthando aluyona izibalo. Akukho ukuqhubeka noma ifomula eqondile ehilelekile. Kodwa-ke, kunezindlela ezithile ezifakazelwe zokwenza ubudlelwano busebenze, ngokusho kwengqondo. Ngokusho kwalolu cwaningo , encwadini ka-1973, ethi The Colors of Love , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Lee waphakamisa izitayela ezintathu eziyinhloko zothando: ukuthanda umuntu ofanele, uthando njengomdlalo, kanye nothando njengobungane. Izitayela ezintathu zesibili yilezi: uthando olugxile kakhulu, uthando olungokoqobo, kanye nothando olungenabugovu. Ingabe uvumelana nanoma yiziphi zazo?

Ngokubanzi, kunezinyathelo ezinhlanu ebudlelwaneni, futhi lesi sihloko sizokusiza ukuthi uziqonde njengochwepheshe. Ukuze singene shí kulezi zigaba, sixoxe nomqeqeshi wezempilo ngokomzwelo kanye nokuzindla uPooja Priyamvada (oqinisekiswe kwi-Psychological and Mental Health First Aid evela eJohns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye naseNyuvesi yaseSydney). Ugxile ekwelulekeni ngokobulili obungaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi kanye nokulahlekelwa, ukubala ezimbalwa.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukunyathela Ebudlelwaneni?

Lapho ngicela uPooja ukuthi achaze kabanzi ngencazelo 'yetshe lokunyathela', impendulo yakhe yathi, “Amatshe okunyathela amahlanu ebudlelwaneni asho amazinga ahlukahlukene okufanele noma yibuphi ubuhlobo budlule kuwo ukuze bube ukuzibophezela kwesikhathi eside . Kukhona uhambo oluphelele oluhilelekile kusukela ekwazini ukuthi bayakuthanda ukudla kwase-Asia kuya ekugcineni bathi “Ngiyathanda” kubo, eminyakeni eminingi kamuva. Lokhu kuqhubeka isikhathi eside yikho okwakha amatshe okunyathela ebudlelwaneni.”

Konke lokhu kuqala ngokuthandana okudakayo. Akukho ukuntuleka kocwaningo mayelana nokuthi izigaba zokuqala zobudlelwano 'zikukhulisa' kanjani ngokoqobo. Uba umuntu omusha, uthatha imibono emisha ngezwe. Uthola ngisho namagugu afihliwe ku-Spotify kanye nezinhlelo eziluthayo ku-Netflix (ngiyabonga kumlingani wakho!). Kodwa ngaphambi kokuthi wazi, ukuthandana kungaphenduka ukucasuka. Ushokoledi nama-rose akusizi kulesi sigaba.

Ngakho, zonke izigaba zidinga indlela ehlukile. Futhi lokhu kusiletha emibuzweni ebaluleke kakhulu. Ucabanga ukuthi yiziphi izigaba ezibalulekile ebudlelwaneni? Futhi yimaphi amathiphu okufanele uwalandele phakathi nesigaba ngasinye? Ake sithole.

Yiziphi Izinyathelo Ezi-5 Ebudlelwaneni?

Njengokuthuthuka kwakho kusuka kumuntu omusha kuya kwesibili, ubudlelwano bubuye buguquke ukusuka kwesinye isigaba kuye kwesinye. Isilabhasi yazo zonke izigaba zihlukile. Ake sibheke lezi zigaba zothando, izithiyo umuntu okufanele awele kuzo ngesikhathi sobudlelwano, kanye nohlu lwamathiphu awusizo, akho nje:

1. 'Imuphi umbala owukhonzile?' esiteji

Ngokusho kocwaningo , ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano, amazinga aphezulu e-dopamine akhishwa ebuchosheni bakho. Lapho uthando lushintsha, amanye ama-hormone afana ne-oxytocin ('i-hormone yothando') athatha indawo.

Lesi yisinyathelo sokuqala sobudlelwane, okusho isigaba sokuqala sothando. U-Pooja uveza ukuthi, “Isigaba sokuqala sibalulekile njengoba ngaphandle kokusondelana ngokocansi/ngokomzwelo, ubudlelwano bezothando ngeke buqhubeke. Uma abantu ababili behlangene bethandana, abazani kahle ngokwemizwa/ubulili. Isigaba sokuqala siyasiza ekwakheni lokho kuqonda nokuqinisa ubuhlobo babo njengombhangqwana.”

Okokwenziwa esigabeni sokuqala sobudlelwano:

• Lalela kahle (njengokungathi ulalela izingxoxo zefilimu oyikhonzile)
• Naka lokho okuthandwa umlingani wakho (kulungile ukuthanda uphayinaphu ku-pizza!)
• Benze bamamatheke (akudingeki ube nguRussell Peters, ungakhathazeki)

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Imibuzo Engu-20 Yokwakha Ukusondelana Okungokomzwelo Nobudlelwano Nomlingani Wakho Ezingeni Elijulile

2. 'Udeveli usesigabeni semininingwane'

U-Pooja uyabeka, "Esigabeni sesibili, abantu baziveza ngokugcwele kubalingani babo. Okubanjwayo lapha ukuthi 'udeveli usemininingwaneni'. Isikhathi sakho esidlule singenza umlingani wakho azizwe engalondekile. Izinkinga eziwumsuka ezifana nokuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni nazo ziqala ukuvela."

Okokwenziwa esigabeni sesibili sobudlelwano:

• Bonisa inhlonipho, ngisho nangesikhathi ukulwa kwamandla (“Asivume nje ukungavumelani”)
• Qonda isitayela sokunamathiselwe sikazakwenu (futhi uxhumane ngokufanele)
• Funda ulimi lothando lozakwenu (Ingabe ukwanga kubenza bazizwe bengcono noma izipho?)

3. 'Fight club' esiteji

Ngokusho kocwaningo , labo ababike amazinga aphezulu okucindezeleka kobudlelwano babesazizwa besondelene kakhulu, inqobo nje uma bechitha isikhathi nabalingani babo. Lokhu kusikisela ukuthi izingxabano azenzi noma ziphule ubuhlobo - kodwa 'indlela' yokulwa ephathwa ngayo, kokubili ngesikhathi nangemva kwengxabano - yenza umehluko omkhulu.

“Wonke umuntu angakwazi ukubhekana nezikhathi zenjabulo kodwa bambalwa kuphela abangabhekana nokungezwani kwalesi sigaba sesithathu. Ukuqina kwangempela kwanoma yiluphi ubudlelwano kuhlolwa ebunzimeni. Lesi yisigaba esinemibono eminingi ephikisanayo ngakho-ke, izingxabano. Abalingani kudingeka baqonde ukuthi ukubamba isikhala somunye nomunye kungaba yinto ebalulekile uma ubudlelwano budinga ukuqhubeka isikhathi eside,” kusho uPooja.

Okufanele ukwenze esitebhisini sesithathu ukuya ebudlelwaneni obuhle:

• Mbonge umlingani wakho (mncome, mncome esidlangalaleni)
• Bonisa uthando ngesikhathi sokukhipha imali (“Ngiyazi ukuthi siyalwa kodwa asivele siyobuka ifilimu”)
• Tshela umlingani wakho kahle ukuthi yini ekucasulayo kanye nalokho okudingayo

4. 'Yenza noma uphule' isiteji

Muva nje, umngane wami omkhulu wahlukana nesoka lakhe leminyaka eyisithupha. Ubaba wakhe wayeshone ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba bahlukane. Usizi lwaba lukhulu kangangokuthi lwaphazamisa ubuhlobo bakhe ngendlela elimazayo.

Ngakho-ke, esigabeni sesine sothando, inkinga ihlanganisa umbhangqwana ndawonye noma iwuhlukanise. Konke kuncike endleleni ababhekana ngayo nenkinga. UPooja uthi, “Imibhangqwana exazulula izingxabano imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye. Ukuxazulula izingxabano nakho kuyikhono lobudlelwano, okuthi uma kwenziwa ndawonye njengombhangqwana kungenza ukubopha nokuhloniphana kuqine.”

Okufanele ukwenze esigabeni sesine sothando:

• Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo (“Ngiyaxolisa. Ngiyalivuma iphutha lami. Ngizolilungisa”)
• Zama isandla sakho ngezindlela ezintsha (njengezivivinyo zokwelashwa zabashadikazi)
• Uma nihlukana, kwenzeni ngenothi elivuthiwe nelinobungane

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuziphendulela Ebudlelwaneni - Incazelo, Ukubaluleka, Nezindlela Zokubonisa

5. Isiteji 'Zen'

Ngiye ngawubuka kahle umshado kagogo nomkhulu. Bahlale ndawonye iminyaka engu-50 kodwa abazange bacikekele. Kusobala ukuthi beziningi izithiyo endleleni kodwa banqoba yonke into ngokubambisana, njengeqembu eliqinile. 

UPooja uthi: “Isinyathelo sokugcina esiya ebuhlotsheni obuhle kungaba ukuthula nokulinganisela.

Okokwenziwa ngesikhathi sokugcina ebudlelwaneni:

• Nikeza isisindo kokushiwo umlingani wakho (“Thina” esikhundleni sokuthi “Mina”)
• Gcina inhlansi iphila ngokuqalisa izigigaba ezintsha ndawonye
• Qhubeka nokusebenza ngokwakho (funda imisebenzi yenoveli/amakhono)

Lezi kwakuyizimo ezi-5 ezishintshayo ebudlelwaneni. Uma uqhubeka nokusebenza kukho, isigaba sokugcina senjabulo singahlala impilo yonke. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo olwenziwe emibhangqwaneni eseyishadile iminyaka eyishumi, luthole ukuthi ama-40% ayo athi “athandana kakhulu”. Phakathi kwemibhangqwana eshadile iminyaka engama-30 noma ngaphezulu, ama-40% abesifazane kanye nama-35% amadoda athi athandana kakhulu.

Yini Eyenza Izinyathelo Zokunyathela Ebudlelwaneni Zibaluleke?

U-Pooja uyagcizelela, “Amatshe okunyathela abalulekile kubo bonke ubuhlobo, njengohambo lwesithelo ukusuka kusithombo ukuya ekubeni isihlahla. Lezi zigaba zisiza ekusimamiseni nasekuqiniseni ubuhlobo. Ngaphandle kwalokhu kuguquka, ubuhlobo bungase buhlale buyinto evamile noma yesikhashana kuphela.”

Uyanezela, “Izifundo umuntu azifunda ezigabeni ezihlukahlukene zobuhlobo zingahlukahluka futhi zihluke. Lezi kungaba izifundo mayelana nobuntu bomuntu siqu, ukuhlukumezeka, izinto azithandayo, nezinto ezimbangelayo kanye nalezo eziphathelene nomlingani wakhe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amaphutha Ayishumi Nanye Avame Kakhulu Ebuhlotsheni Ongawagwema Ngempela

Ekhuluma ngezifundo, u-Pooja futhi usinika izimfihlo ezinhlanu zokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo:

• Ukuxhumana okunomusa 
• Ukungeniswa 
• Ukwamukela wena 
• Ukwamukela umlingani wakho 
• Ukuhloniphana

Zonke lezi zeluleko zizwakala zinhle ngokwethiyori kodwa kungaba nzima ukuzifeza ngokuzijwayeza. Ngakho-ke, uma uzithola ubhekene nobunzima phakathi nanoma yisiphi isigaba sobudlelwano, ungesabi ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe. Ukwelashwa kungakusiza wena nomlingani wakho ukuthola imbangela yezinkinga zenu. Kungakusiza futhi ukuthi nixhumane ngempumelelo. Abeluleki bethu abavela eqenjini lochwepheshe beBonobology baseduze nje ngokuchofoza.

Ungasebenzisa amathiphu awusizo angenhla, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphi, ebudlelwaneni bakho njengamanje. Nyathela kancane futhi ujabulele lonke uhambo. Isigaba ngasinye sibalulekile ngendlela yaso. Ungazami ukweqa isibhamu. Konke kuzokwenzeka ngokwemvelo, ngesikhathi sakho esimnandi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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