23 Izimpawu Zokungavumeleki Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

Izimpawu zokuphelelwa amandla ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni zingaba nesihluku ukubhekana nazo futhi zikushiye ubambene namanxeba nezibazi ezithatha isikhathi eside ukuphola. Lokho kube okuhlangenwe nakho kwami ​​nesoka lami langaphambili, uRory, owakwenza umkhuba ukungitshela ukuthi ngiba nzima ukuba naye njalo lapho ngiba nemizwa noma ngiveza izidingo zami. 

Ngemva kokulwa okubi kakhulu, wathi ngidinga ukuthola indlela "yokunqoba ubunzima bami" uma ubuhlobo buzoba nekusasa. Umqondo wakhe wokungisekela kulezi zinselelo kwakuwukunginika uhlu lwama-movie aphathelene nempilo yengqondo. Wasikisela ukuthi ngiwabukele kakhulu ngempelasonto. Ngiyabonga ukuthi ngiqale nge- Midsommar ngoba leyo movie yayifana nesibuko sobudlelwano bethu. Ngangiphile kuzo zonke izibonelo zokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kuleyo movie noRory.

“Wonke umuntu unezinkinga.” Kodwa ukuzwa umuntu omthandayo esho lokhu nsuku zonke njengomzamo wokubukela phansi lokho onomuzwa wokuthi kungase kube okubuhlungu, ikakhulukazi lapho usuvele ubhekene nengwadla. Umuntu ubhekana kanjani nento ebuhlungu kangaka? Iyiphi indlela efanele yokusabela ekuvinjweni kwemizwa? Ingabe kulungile ukuqhubeka nomuntu onomkhuba wemizwa engavumelekile? Lena ngeminye yemibuzo engake ngabhekana nayo phakathi nangemuva kobudlelwane bethu, njengoba ngiqinisekile ukuthi abantu abaningi, abahlangabezane nento efanayo kobo, bayayenza. 

Ukuze ngithole umbono othe xaxa ngokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo emshadweni nasebudlelwaneni bothando, ngikhulume nodokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ogxile ekwelulekeni kobudlelwano kanye nokwelashwa kokuziphatha okunengqondo. Kungisizile ukuthi ngiqonde kangcono mina kanye nobudlelwano bami bangaphambilini, futhi ngithemba ukuthi kuzokusiza ukuthi uqonde obakho.

Kuyini Ukungavunyelwa Kwemizwa? 

Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kusho ukuvuma imizwa yomunye umuntu, noma ungavumelani nendlela azizwa ngayo. Kusho ukuthi, “Imizwa yakho iyasebenza”, hhayi ngamazwi akho kuphela kodwa nangezenzo zakho. Ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kuphambene nalokho. UDkt. Bhonsle uchaza imizwa engasebenzisi ubuhlobo ngokuthi:

• Isenzo sokwenqaba, ukubhuqa, ukulahla noma ukunganaki imizwa yothile
• Kungaba ngamazwi noma angakhulumi, okuholela ku ukuhlukunyezwa kokwelashwa buthule
• Kungenziwa ngokungenacala lapho umuntu ovimbela imizwa yomunye engawaboni amandla ezenzo noma amazwi akhe, noma uma kukhona ukuhlukana kwamasiko. Noma kungenziwa ngamabomu njengesenzo sokungazethembi, ukuziphindiselela, ukukhohlisa, noma ukuhambisana nemibono engokwenhlalo.
• Abantu abanobunzima bokucubungula imizwa yabo bangagcina sebephendukela emizweni engavumelekile ebudlelwaneni njengendlela yokuzivikela.
• Uma kwenziwa njalo, kungase kufane nokuhlukumeza

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ngisho noma kukhona umehluko wemibono, ingxoxo evulekile kanye nokuqinisekisa kubonisa inhlonipho ngokuhlukile komunye umuntu kanye nelungelo lokwenza izinqumo.” Ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kulondoloza ibhalansi yamandla ekubambisaneni futhi kukhuthaza umuzwa wokwaneliseka, injabulo, kanye nokuxhumana, futhi ukuxosha imizwa kwenza okuphambene nalokho.

23 Izimpawu Zokungavumeleki Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni

Ngeke sikuphike ukuthi siphila emphakathini lapho izimpawu zokungavumeleki ngokomzwelo zingabonakala kalula futhi yonke indawo, ikakhulukazi—futhi okuxakayo—ekuxhumaneni kwethu okuseduze kakhulu.  

• Ukuveza imizwa kubonakala njengokukhubazeka emphakathini okhubazekile ngokomzwelo
• Akumangalisi ukuthi abantu abaningi bayakujabulela ukuphika ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo ngoba baye bahlelwa ukuze bathole ukubonakaliswa kwemizwa kucindezela noma kuyihlazo
• Kwezinye izimo, ukungasebenzi kubangelwa umuntu ozabalaza nezindaba zakhe siqu futhi aphelelwe amandla kangangokuthi akakwazi ukunikeza ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo.
• Noma abantu bazicabangela kakhulu ukuba babeke imizwelo yomunye phambili naphakathi

Ngakho-ke, wazi kanjani ukuthi imizwa yakho ayisebenzi ebudlelwaneni? Nazi izimpawu ezimbalwa ezijwayelekile ukuthi umlingani wakho uyayilahla imizwa yakho:

1. Umlingani wakho ubukela phansi ubuhlungu bakho — “Abububi kakhulu”

Nakuba kwenziwa kakhulu ngokungahlosile, kusazwakala kubuhlungu lapho umlingani wakho ephazamisa umzabalazo wakho ngokukuhleka, ukukushalazela, noma ukukwehlisa isithunzi . Lesi ngesinye sezibonelo ezivame kakhulu zokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo okungahlosiwe futhi kuvame ukubonwa kubalingani abavela ezizindeni ezihlukene kakhulu. Isizathu esikhulu salokhu isimo umuntu asitholayo, okwenza udaba olufanele njengokuxhashazwa esikoleni lube yinto ehlekisayo komunye umuntu. Bangase bakwenze lokhu:

• Uma befuna ukuphakamisa ukuthi inkinga yakho ayibalulekile — “Sula manje. Akuyona into enkulu”
• Uma bethola izindaba zakho zihlekisa ngoba kuwumqondo ongajwayelekile kubo — “Futhi usuqale ukukhala ngakho? Ha ha ha”
• Lapho bechitha imizwa yakho ngenxa yobulili bakho - "Uyi-Nancy Pants/floozy/pansy"

2. Bayichitha imizwa yakho — “Ucabanga ngaphezu kwakho konke”

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezimbi kakhulu zokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo yilapho imizwa yakho ixoshwa ngoba nje ujwayelene nemicabango nemizwa yakho, kanti umlingani wakho akavumelani nayo. Lokhu kungafani endleleni abalingani ebudlelwaneni ababhekana ngayo nemizwa kungenye yezinkinga ezivame kakhulu zobudlelwano . Umlingani wakho angase:

• Memezela ukuzwela kwakho njengokukhubazeka — “Yeka ukuthi, 'Isoka lami aliyinaki imizwa yami!' Uzwela kakhulu”
• Khomba imizwa yakho “njengentokozo” yomphakathi — “Nina besifazane/bantu beGenZ/bantu basemaphandleni”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iseluleko Sochwepheshe - Isikhathi Sokuyeka Emshadweni

3. Baqhathanisa ubuhlungu bakho nabanye — “Cabanga ngabantu base-Ukraine/Palestine/Iraq/Nigeria”

Ngisho noma ithuluzi elingalinganisa ubuhlungu bomuntu obungokomzwelo lingakasungulwa, abantu bavame ukuqhathanisa izinga lobuhlungu njengokungathi lingalinganiswa. Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi umuntu ovela endaweni yempi angaba nokuhlangenwe nakho okuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu kokuhlukumezeka uma kuqhathaniswa nomuntu ozama ukubhekana nokuhlukana , akulungile ukuqhathanisa lokhu okubili. Akugcini nje ngokuthi akusizi noma yimuphi umuntu ohlushwa yimpi, kodwa futhi kwenza wonke umuntu acindezele imizwa yakhe. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukuqhathanisa okunjalo akukaze kuthethelele ukuthi kunini futhi kanjani kwamukelekile ukulila. Ungase futhi ubone umlingani wakho:

• Ukuzwelana okukhulu — “Ngiyazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Lapho ubaba wami eshona … (ingena ku-monologue eyimizuzu engama-20)”
• Bezenza ugqozi ngawe — “Benginakho ngokuphindwe kashumi kunawe, nokho ngilapha”
• Ukukuqhathanisa nomuntu abamaziyo ukuthi uyamzonda — “Ngiyaxolisa ngawe, kodwa uyazi ukuthi uKaren wenzani ngesikhathi eba nale nkinga …”

4. Bazama ukwenza isimo sibe lula nge-toxic positivity — “Okungenani unakho lokhu” 

Enye indlela evamile umlingani wakho angase aqede ngayo imizwa yakho ngokungahlosile ukuzama ukukujabulisa ngemibono emihle kanye namahlaya anobuthi. Ukuba nethemba kuhle, kodwa njengakho konke okunye, okuningi kakhulu kungaba yingozi. Lesi ngesinye sezibonakaliso umlingani wakho angazinaki imizwa yakho okungenzeka ukuthi awuyiboni ngoba ifihlakele emehlweni.

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Kufanele ugweme ukwenza amahlaya ngezinto ezingase zivuse oshade naye. Amahlaya angase athandeke kakhulu. Nakuba abantu osunesikhathi eside ukhona bangase bathole amahlaya athile ehlekisa, angase abacasule abanye abantu noma abavuse. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uma umngane wakho womshado eqhulula amahlaya akuzwisa ubuhlungu, kufanele ukhulume nabo ngokucasuka kwakho.” Bangase bazame “ukukhanyisa” isimo ngokuthi:

• Ukuphakamisa ukwesekwa — “Kungani ukhathazeke ngokudilizwa? Ngihola esanelisa sobabili”
• Ukukuthethelela njengengxenye yenqubo — “Qagela ukuthi lokhu kuyingxenye yokuba abazali, eh? Sinenhlanhla”
• Akushiyi gumbi kwenye inqubo yokucabanga — "Unomndeni omangalisayo. Yini enye oyidingayo?"

5. Bazama ukuqondisa imizwa yakho — “Akufanele uzizwe ngale ndlela”

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Umngane wakho angase enze lokhu engahlosile, kodwa ngokuvamile lokhu kwenzeka lapho engafuni ukuvula ingqondo yakhe ukuze abone ukuthi ungase ube nendlela ehlukile yokuveza imizwelo kuneyakhe.” Okubi kakhulu ukuthi umlingani wakho kungenzeka angaqapheli ukuthi ukulimaza ngokuthi:

• Ukuphakamisa ukuthi ungashintsha imizwa yakho — “Angicabangi ukuthi uthukuthele. Mhlawumbe ulambile nje?”
• Ukukukhuthaza ukuthi uyivimbe — “Akukuhle ukucabanga ngakho”
• Ukuchitha ukuveza kwakho imizwa ngokuphelele — “Awubukeki udangele”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ukukhubeka Ebudlelwaneni Kuyindlela Yokuhlukumeza?

6. Baphakamisa ukuthi ukwenzele ukunakwa — “Ingabe ufuna nokuba ngcono?”

Uma umlingani wakho entula uhla lwemizwa olufana nolwakho noma enokungabaza ukusabela kwemizwa, ngokuvamile uhumusha ukubonisa kwakho imizwa njengokucela ukunakwa. Lapho lokhu kwenzeka, ngokuvamile ungase ukuthole kunzima ukuxoxa nabo ngendlela ozizwa ngayo. Bakwenza ungasebenzi ngokuthi:

• Ukuphakamisa ukuthi uthanda ukwenza umbukwane wemizwa yakho — “Ungayenzi isigameko lapha,” “Uyamangalisa,” noma “Kungani kufanele ukuveze manje?”
• Ukuqondisa isidingo sakho sabantu abakwesekayo — "Gcina izinyembezi zakho. Akekho olapha ukuzokubona"
• Ukusikisela ukuthi ungakwazi lawula imizwa yakho ebuhlotsheni kalula — “Ngiyaxolisa ngokuthi ukhethe ukuzizwa ngale ndlela” noma “Yeka ukucabanga ngokweqile/ukukhathazeka/ukukhathazeka”
• Ephakamisa ukuthi kuyisicelo sokuthi banake — “Ngisebenza kanzima nsuku zonke. Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi anginaso isikhathi sakho”

 7. Bakukhuthaza ukuthi ukhohlwe okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho esikhundleni sokululama kukho — “Vele uyiyeke”

Noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu luvuselela izimpendulo zokundiza, ukulwa, ukuminyana, noma ukuthambekela komuntu. Akukho mpendulo "yokukhohlwa". Ubuchopho bomuntu bungase buvuselele ukuhlukana, okuyingxenye yempendulo yokuminyana. Kodwa ngisho nakulesi simo, umuntu udinga ukucubungula imizwa yakhe ngendlela enempilo ukuze alulame ekumeni. Njengoba kuphakanyiswe ucwaningo , ukukhohlwa noma ukuzama ukufihla imizwa kungagcina kuyikhulisa. Ungase uqaphele kumlingani wakho:

• Ukunganaki ekucutshungulweni kwemizwa okunempilo - "Suka"
• Ukuthambekela kokufihla yonke into — “Masingakhulumi ngalokhu”
• Imizamo yokuvala udaba — “Okwenziwe sekwenzekile. Akukho esingakwenza ngakho. Asikhohlwe”

8. Bathethelela yonke into ngekhampasi yokuziphatha eqinile — “intando kaNkulunkulu”

Abantu bebelokhu besebenzisa unkulunkulu, inkolo, noma isimilo ukuze bathethelele ubunzima babo. Ukukholelwa kuNkulunkulu noma ukuba ingxenye yomphakathi kungaba yisimiso sokusekelwa kwabaningi, kodwa ukuthethelela usizi lothile kungase kungabi umqondo omuhle. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Izinkolelo ezingokwenkolo akufanele neze zibe izaba zokuqeda imizwa yomngane wakho womshado.” Akubona bonke abantu abangase babe nezinkolelo ezifanayo, futhi akubona bonke abangase bazizwe bezolile ngemva kokuzwa izinkulumo ezinjalo.” Ungabona izimpawu zokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo lapho abantu:

• Letha i-Karma esithombeni - "Konke kwenzeka ngesizathu"
• Phakamisa ukuthi ulwazi lwakho lwamanje alunandaba — “UNkulunkulu akakuniki okungaphezu kwamandla akho”
• Thola ukugomela — “Thandaza ku futhi konke kuzolunga”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuzizwa Ungafunwa Ebudlelwaneni - Ungabhekana Kanjani Nabo?

9. Basikisela ukuthi uyakhohlisa — “Ngiqinisekile ukuthi bekungeke kube kubi kangako”

Ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo emshadweni nasebudlelwaneni bothando kungenzeka lapho omunye wabalingani enenkinga yokukholwa komunye. Lokhu kuvame ukwenzeka lapho omunye wabalingani enokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu. Lokhu kungase futhi kuthathe isimo sokungahloniphi ebudlelwaneni uma kwenziwa ngamabomu. Umlingani wakho angase:

• Ukungabaza ukulandisa kwakho - "Uqinisekile ukuthi yilokho akushilo?" noma “Kodwa kungani esho kanjalo?”
• Phakamisa ukungakwazi kwakho ukubona imicimbi — "Ingabe ubugqoke izibuko zakho?"
• Yethula isigameko sangaphambilini ukuze ungasebenzi - "Nawe washo lokhu ngesonto eledlule. Kufanele ngikukholelwe kanjani?"

10. Bayakucasula — “Akwenzekanga kanjalo”

Uma abantu befuna ukukuhlambalaza ngamabomu, bakwenza ukuze bakwenze ulingise ukuziphatha abakubona kufanele. Isinyathelo esibalulekile sokukhanyiswa yigesi ukuthi bavame ukusonta izindaba ukuze kubonakale sengathi kukhona okwenzekile. Bakwenza ngokuthi:

• Ukuphakamisa ukuthi awukwazi ngokwanele ukwahlulela iqiniso — “Ube ngaphansi kwengcindezi enkulu muva nje” noma “Awuqondanga ngokuphelele”
• Ukukwenza ube nesibopho ngokuziphatha kwabo okungavumelekile — "Ubukeke sengathi uzokhala phambi kwawo wonke umuntu. Iyiphi enye inketho ebenginayo ngaphandle kokushiya iqembu?"
• Ukukuhlukanisa nabanye abantu — “Abangane bakho bayakuhleka”

11. Bangase bakusole — “Kungani ungajabuli kube kanye?”

Ngakhuliswa umama owayengenaso imizwa. Ngangingakhululeki ukukhuluma naye ngocingo, lapho ayengisola khona ngokungamvakashi ngokwanele. URory wayevame ukudebeselela ukukhathazeka kwami ​​​​ngokuhlangana naye. Lokhu kwakuwunya, hhayi nje ngoba ngangivele nginenkinga yokubhekana nemizwa yami ngaye, kodwa ngoba ukungabi nazwelo kukaRory kwenza kwaba nzima kimi ukukhuluma naye ngakho. Abalingani abangacabangi kahle bavame:

• Icala njengoba uRory enza kimi - "Okungenani umama wakho uyaphila. Owami ufile"
• Kwenze uzizwe ukhishwa inyumbazane eqenjini — “Jabulela! Wonke umuntu ukuzele” (ngokubhuqa)
• Unenkinga yokuzwelana — "Postpartum depression? Uzizwa udangele ngenxa yalezi zingane ezinhle?"

12. Bazama ukukuphoxa — “Ubugqokeni?”

Ukunganaki kungenye yezimpawu ezivame kakhulu zokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo. Ngokuvamile, lapho umbhangqwana ukuthola kunzima ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo, omunye umlingani angase angabi nandaba nomunye. Isibonelo, uma umkakho noma umyeni wakho engakunaki ngokocansi, bangase bazame ukukuhlazisa ngezifiso zakho zobulili noma inkanuko yobulili. Kungaba uphawu oluyisixwayiso somyeni noma umfazi olawulayo. Noma esimweni esibi kakhulu, uma othile ekuhlukumeza ngokocansi, umlingani wakho angase acabange ukuthi uyahlanganyela. Bangase futhi:

• Thatha isikhundla sokulunga kokuziphatha — “Ngisebenza njengesigqila, kodwa awukwazi ukulawula inkanuko yakho”
• Phakamisa ukuthi ukuvumile ukuhlukunyezwa — "Ingabe ubanikeze izimpawu? Noma "Wonke umuntu ubonakala enokuthile ngawe"

13. Benza sengathi bayakweseka — “Kungcono ngale ndlela”

Enye indlela ozakwethu abakwenza ungasebenzi ngayo ngokomzwelo iwukwenza sengathi bayakweseka. Ikhono lokuhlukanisa phakathi kokusekela nesixazululo kuyisici esibalulekile.

• Bathi bazimisele ngawe, kodwa abavamile ukukulalela okushoyo. Kunalokho, banikeza izixazululo lapho uthi awuzidingi
• Bona, kwesinye isikhathi, bakufihlela izinto — “Ngizama ukukuvikela”
• Kwesinye isikhathi, ukwesekwa kwabo kungakhubaza ngoba uqala ukungabaza - "Uqinisekile ukuthi ukulungele?" (ebuza lokhu ephindelela)

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-7 Zokuba Nesizungu Ebudlelwaneni Nokuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nakho

14. Bakuthathela isinyathelo — “Uzongibonga kamuva”

Ukuthathela umuntu izinyathelo, ikakhulukazi uma engakuceli, akukhona nje ukungahloniphi kodwa kukhubaza nenhlangano yakhe. Uma umlingani wakho ethatha izinyathelo ezithile egameni lakho, uzoqaphela:

• Iphethini yokuziba izifiso zakho. Lokhu kuvame ukuhambisana nephimbo elizwakala lidumaza noma liyangabaza, okwenza kubonakale sengathi ubuyela emazwini akho — “Bengicabanga ukuthi ubukufuna lokhu”
• Isiphakamiso sokuthi bakwenzela umusa — “Ngizama ukukusiza” noma “Kungokwenzuzo yakho” noma “Awusoze wakwenza lokhu ngaphandle kwami”

15. Bagwema umthwalo wemfanelo — “Ngikhathele kakhulu ngale sh*t”

Le ndlela ivame ukubonwa lapho omunye wabalingani ezama ukuzihlukanisa ngoba ekuthola kunzima ukubhekana nezidingo zomngani wakhe ezingokomzwelo. Nakuba kungenhloso, lokhu kungasetshenziswa njengendlela yokuzivikela ukuze kugwenywe umthwalo wemfanelo ongokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni . Kukhona:

• Ukuthambekela kokuxolela icala labo — “Akulona iphutha lami. Bengisebenza kanzima usuku lonke”
• Ukuzilungisa njalo uma uveza okuthile — “Angizizwa kahle. Singaxoxa kamuva?”
• Iphethini yokukuziba futhi bakutshele okuthile abacabanga ukuthi kubaluleke kakhulu — "Yebo, kunjalo. Ukuzwile lokhu ...?"

16. Bafuna ukuziphindiselela — “Uthanda kanjani ukunambitheka komuthi wakho?”

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Umlingani ophindiselayo angaba nobuqili futhi angabonisa ukuziphatha okungenzi lutho nobudlova ebudlelwaneni . Lokhu kungabonakala nalapho enqaba imizwa yakho ngoba ezwa isidingo sokukujezisa ngento oyenzile.” Lokhu kungakhungathekisa ngoba:

• Bangase balusukumele udaba ngokuphelele — “Kuyimithungo nje. Ukhalelani? Angizange ngimemeze kakhulu lapho ngibeletha ingane yakho”
• Baveza ingxabano exazululwe ngaphambili — “Bengingeke ngazi ukuthi ngingakusiza kanjani ezindabeni zezimali njengoba, njengoba washo ngelinye ilanga, ngihlezi ekhaya usuku lonke” noma “Awukaze usho lutho lapho kufanele ngidilizwe. Kungani ulindele ukuthi ngikududuze?”
• Bafuna umusa kuwe - “Udinga ihlombe lami ukuze ngikhale phezu kwalo. Uyazi ukuthi yini engiyidingayo ... ”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezinhle Eziyi-11 Zokuthandana Nomlingani Wakho – Nonga Umshado Wakho

17. Abakwethembi — “Ngikukholwa kanjani emva kwaleso sigameko?”

Abantu ababhekene nomlutha noma izifo zengqondo bavame ukubhekana nalesi simo. Abalingani babo bangase baveze ukungakholwa noma ukuphika okuhlangenwe nakho kwabo. Lokhu kungakholwa kuyaqina ngemva kwezigameko eziphindaphindwayo zokwehluleka. Ngokudabukisayo, ibanga phakathi kwabalingani liyakhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi njengoba ngamunye ekuthola kunzima ukuthemba omunye. Lokhu kwenzeka kaningi kanje:

• Bakungabaza ukwethembeka kwakho - "Ingabe ubuphuza?"
• Baqinisekisa komunye umuntu ophambi kwakho
• Bakwenza kube umthwalo — “Ngifisa sengathi ungayeka ukwenza lokhu kimi”

18. Babukela phansi izinto ezikubangelayo — “Ama-Clows awesabi, ayahlekisa”

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezivamile ezibonisa ukuthi umlingani wakho uyayilahla imizwa yakho ukuthi uyayidelela imizwa yakho. Kungaba unya lapho umlingani wakho ekugcona, esho izinto ezibuhlungu , noma ebuza izimbangela zakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zenziwe ngamabomu noma ngokungahlosile. Lokhu kwenzeka kaningi lapho kungekho ukuqonda ukuthi imizwa yokwesaba/ukuhlukumezeka isebenza kanjani. Ungase ubone:

• Iphethini yokukugcona ngalokho abakubheka njengokujwayelekile - "O, ngakho wesaba umbala ophuzi? Mhlawumbe kufanele ngibe blonde"
• Ukucasukela lokho abakubheka njengelungelo - "Trypophobia, huh? Ingabe umpheki wakho obhake isinkwa ngaphandle kwezimbobo?"
• Ukuthambekela kokukuziba lapho ucushwa — “Funda ukwenza ihlaya”

19. Bakuphoqa ukuba ungene ezimeni ezingajabulisi — “Akunabuhlungu, akunanzuzo”

Into embi kakhulu umlingani wakho angayenza kuwe ukukuphoqa ukuba ungene ezimweni ezingathandeki nezingathandeki egameni lokuthi “uyazijwayeza”. Nakuba ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukuziphatha kungashintshwa uma ubhekene nesimo esingathandeki, ukubhekana naso ngendlela yakho kanye nokucindezelwa kuso kuyizinto ezimbili ezahlukene. Ukuphoqelelwa ukuba wenze okuthile kungenza kube kubi kakhulu futhi kwenze izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Wazi kanjani ukuthi imizwa yakho ayisebenzi?

• Bakucindezela ngamabomu ezimeni ezinzima - "Uzoyinqoba kanjani i-agoraphobia uma ungaphumi?"
• Bayakugcona — "Uyabona, ngisho nezingane ezincane zisebenzisa ikheshi. Kuthatha nje imizuzwana engu-20"
• Benza ubuhlungu uma ungakwazi ukubhekana nokucindezeleka — “Ngizama ukukusiza, awungethembi?”

20. Basikisela ukuthi wenze umgunyathi — “Yebo, uphethwe yikhanda manje”

Owayengumngane wami, uRory, wayenendlela embi kakhulu yokubiza ikhanda lami elibuhlungu njengento "engayisungula" ukuze ngimjezise. Wayengavumi ukukholelwa ukuthi ikhanda elibuhlungu lihlala izinsuku ezingaphezu kwezimbalwa. Wayeqiniseka ukuthi ngiyacasuka ngoba ngangifuna ukwenqaba "usizo" lwakhe. Wayengazi ukuthi angabhekana kanjani nokuthandana nomuntu okhathazekile . Ngamafuphi, kwakungavamile ukuzwa:

• "Ngikhuluma kanjani nawe ngingakuvusi ikhanda?"
• "Ngakho-ke, ungasebenza uphethwe yikhanda, kodwa ungenzi ucansi"
• “Ungangitsheli ukuthi ngenzeni ngizozitholela ikhanda”

21. Basho amagama afanele ngephimbo elingafanele

Ungase uqaphele ukuthi umlingani wakho usebenzisa amagama afanele, kodwa ithoni yakhe ayilungile futhi ungabona ngokucacile ukuntuleka kozwela nokusekelwa. Ungase uqaphele:

• Iphimbo elibhuqayo noma elibhuqayo
• Imibono ethile ikhulunywa emaceleni amangalisayo
• Ukuntuleka kombala ezwini labo. Kuvele kube sengathi baphindaphinda amagama abawafunde ndawana thize kodwa abawakhulumi ngenhliziyo

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-8 Zokuhlakulela Ukuphepha Kwemizwa Ebuhlotsheni Bakho

22. Izimpawu ezingezona ezezwi zokungavumeleki ngokomzwelo

Izikhathi eziningi, akukhona abakushoyo, kodwa abakwenzayo. Ozakwethu abanganaki bavame ukuphakamisa ukunganaki ngokusebenzisa izimpawu zolimi lomzimba. Lolu hlu lubandakanya, kodwa alukhawulelwe kulokhu:

• Izimpawu zobuso: Ahlikize amehlo, ukububula, ukuncinza izindebe, ukuphakamisa amashiya
• Ulimi lomzimba izimpawu: Ukufulathela, ukubheka ocingweni lwabo ngenkathi ukhuluma, ukukuvuma ngekhanda kodwa ubheke okunye, ukuphazanyiswa okuthize ezingutsheni zakho, ukudlikiza, njll.
• Ukugwema ukuba khona ngokomzimba: Umlingani wakho uyakuziba izinsuku noma uhlala kwelinye igumbi. Bagcina ibanga phakathi kwenu nobabili

23. Izinguquko ezingezinhle ekuziphatheni kwakho

Kancane kancane, uma lokhu kuqhubeka, wena noma abantu abakuzungezile nibona izinguquko eziphawulekayo ekuziphatheni kwenu. Okuphawulekayo ukuthi wena noma abantu abakuzungezile anikhululekile ngalezi zinguquko. Umphumela omkhulu womlingani wakho wokukugxeka ukuthi ukuzethemba kwakho kuthinteka kabi futhi uqala ukubonisa izimpawu zokuziphatha okuphansi kokuzethemba . Izinguquko ezilandelayo zingabonakala ebuntwini bakho:

• Uqala ukuzizwa ukhathazekile ngokwabelana nganoma yini nanoma ubani
• Uqala ukululaza izindaba zakho kuze kube yinjwayelo. Umqondo wokuthi uzwisa ubuhlungu uba yinqaba kangangokuthi uyamangala lapho abanye abantu beqaphela imizwa yakho
• Uqala ukuthuthukisa ukuziphatha okwedlulele futhi ushise futhi ubanda kubantu. Uzizwa udangele futhi uphansi ngezinye izikhathi, kuyilapho unamandla futhi ukhuthazekile kwabanye
• Uba nokungabaza ngokulandisa kwakho. Uqala ukuhlanganisa 'ubufakazi', njengezithombe-skrini, uma kwenzeka othile ekungabaza. Ikakhulukazi uma unophethiloli. Olunye uphawu oluphawulwe kulokhu kuziphatha ukuthi uqala ukuzichaza ngokweqile ukuze uqinisekise ukwethembeka kwakho
• Uba novalo lokuhlangana nabantu abasha futhi uhlale wesaba ukuthi bazokwahlulela

Yimiphi Imithelela Yokungavumeleki Kwemizwa Ebudlelwaneni?  

Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo kungaba yingozi empilweni yengqondo yomuntu ekugcineni. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukuveza imizwelo kuyindlela lapho ingqondo yethu enganakile ixhumana ngayo nomuzwa wethu.” Lapho umlingani wakho engayinaki imizwa yakho noma esikisela ukuthi ayinandaba, kudala ukudideka futhi kungase kubangele umonakalo omkhulu uma kungabikho ukunakwa okwanele.” Imiphumela yokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni ihlanganisa:

1. Ukulimala kwengqondo

Ngokusho kocwaningo , ukukhubazeka ngokomzwelo okuqhubekayo kungabikezela ukuqala kokucindezeleka. Ngaphezu kokubangela imizwa yokuba nesizungu, ukungabi nalutho, ukudideka, kanye nokuzenyeza kumuntu othintekile, ukukhubazeka kuvame ukubangela ibanga elingokomzwelo , ingxabano, kanye nokuwohloka kobuntu.

• Kungase kuthinte ikhono lomuntu lokulawula imizwa yakhe nokuziphatha, kumenze azizwe engakhululekile endaweni yokuxhumana nabantu.
• Kwenza umuntu azizwe engafaneleki futhi azizwe ebalulekile, okuphumela emizweni yentukuthelo, ukuzisola, amahloni, nokungabi nto yalutho.
• Ngokombiko othile cwaningo, lapho umlingani ekushaya indiva noma echitha imizwa yakho, kungase futhi kuphazamise ukusebenza kwakho kwansuku zonke futhi kwandise ingozi yabo yokuthuthukisa ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okufana nokukhathazeka, i-post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), kanye ne-borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Ukuphazamiseka Kobuntu Obuseduze Okuthinta Ngayo Ubudlelwano

2. Ukwenza ubuze iqiniso lakho

Uma imizwa yakho ingasebenzi kahle ngumlingani wakho, kuletha umbono wokuthi imizwa yakho ayifaneleki, ayifaneleki, noma ayibalulekile. Kungadala ukuhlukana nobuntu babo bangempela. Kutholakale ukuthi ukungabi namandla kuvame ukubangela ukwanda kwemizwa yesibili njengolaka namahloni ngokuvimbela ukuvezwa kwemizwa eyinhloko njengokudabuka. Ngokusho kocwaningo , abantu asebevele benenkinga yokulawula imizwa bavame ukusabela ngobudlova kakhulu lapho usizi lwabo lungaqashelwa ngokomzwelo.

• Abantu abazwelayo ngokomzwelo bathinteka kakhulu ngokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo
• Ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo kungase kubangelwa ukufundiswa ukuthi ukusabela komuntu okungokomzwelo akulungile futhi akudingekile
• Lokhu kungaholela ekulahlekelweni kwe ukuzethemba futhi ihlukanisa abantu eqinisweni abalibalulekile futhi bangabezwe elibazungezile
• Kungenza bahlale bengabaza ngalokho abakwaziyo kanye nekhono labo lokubona izinto ezibazungezile

3. Ukuhlukumezeka okungapheli

Wonke umuntu angathinteka yimiphumela yokukhubazeka, kungakhathaliseki ubudala, ubulili, noma isiko, kodwa izingane yizona ezisengozini kakhulu. Njengoba ukuqonda kwazo umhlaba kusathuthuka, ukukhubazeka kuholela emizweni yokungazethembi egcwele . Lokhu kungathinta indlela eziveza ngayo imizwa yazo.

• Ngokombiko othile cwaningo, ukungavunyelwa kontanga namalungu omndeni kwatholakala kwandisa ingozi yezenzakalo zokuzibulala noma izenzakalo zokuzisika entsheni
• Enye cwaningo wabonisa ukuthi ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo phakathi nobungane nobusha kungaholela kanjani ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo. Ngokuvamile kuholela ezinkingeni ezingokwengqondo eminyakeni yakamuva, ikakhulukazi ngesimo sezimpawu ezicindezelayo nezihlobene nokukhathazeka

Ukuphendula Kanjani Ekungavumelekile Kwemizwa?

Ukubona ukungabi semthethweni ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bakho, lapho usenkingeni, kanye nokuthatha isinyathelo sokuzivikela akulula. Ngangizabalaza ngokushonelwa ubaba, nokuzwa uRory ehonqa noma ehefuzela ngoba ngithule noma ngikhala akusizanga. Bengizogwema noma yisiphi isimo esingangibangela. Kamuva, ngaqala ukubona kusengaphambili indlela ayezosabela ngayo futhi ngaqala ukwenza izinto ezazizomjabulisa. 

Ukungavumeleki ngokomzwelo okungapheli kungabangela ukuhlukumezeka kubantu, kusebenze impendulo yabo ye-fight-flight-frize-fawn. Ungangena kumodi yaphakade yokusinda, engase ibe nomthelela empilweni yakho yengqondo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Kungakho, uma ukwazi ukuhlobana nezimpawu zomlingani wakho zokuthi uyayichitha imizwa yakho, kubalulekile ukuthi uthathe izinyathelo zokuvikela inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. Nawa amathiphu angu-5 okuthi ungaphendula kanjani ukungavumelekile okuvela kuzakwethu:  

1. Udinga ukusebenzisa ukubamba kanye nemingcele

Encwadini yakhe ethi, The Invisible Line , isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uBenjamin Fry sixoxa ngendima yokuvalelwa kanye nemingcele ukuqinisekisa nokuthuthukisa inhlalakahle yethu. Ngokusho kukaFry, ukuvalelwa kubhekisela endleleni esilawula ngayo izimpendulo zethu kunoma yisiphi isimo, kuyilapho imingcele isebenza ukunciphisa ithonya lalezo zisusa enhlalakahleni yethu engokomzwelo nengokwengqondo. Lapho ukuvalelwa kanye nemingcele kusetshenziswa ngempumelelo, kungasiza umuntu ukuba abhekane nokukhubazeka ngokomzwelo.

• Zama izindlela eziyisisekelo ukuze uzijwayeze ukubamba. Gxila endaweni ekuzungezile, gxila emininingwaneni yayo, gxila ekutheni leyo mininingwane yondliwa kanjani kuwe ngezinzwa ezahlukene.
• Funda ukwenqaba ukusungula imingcele enempilo ebuhlotsheni. Uma ucabanga ukuthi isimo singase sikubangele, phuma kuso uze ukhululeke ngokwanele ukubhekana naso

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuzithanda Ebudlelwaneni - Amathiphu Awusizo angu-21

2. Udinga ukuzijwayeza ukuzenza ngokwakho

Udinga ukuqonda ukuthi awukwazi ukuncika ekuqinisekisweni kwabanye abantu. Akugcini nje ngokukwenza uncike ekushukunyisweni kwangaphandle ukuze uvule izingqalabutho zenjabulo, kodwa futhi kungaholela ekwehliseni ukuzethemba. Udinga ukwazi ukuzitshela futhi wamukele ukuthi imizwa yakho ilungile, ngaphandle kokudinga ukuqinisekiswa komunye umuntu, okuhlanganisa nomunye wakho obalulekile. Ukuziqinisekisa kungahlanganisa ukuzazisa wena nezidingo zakho, ukuzibekezelela, nokufunda ukuphila namaphutha akho.

• Gcina ijenali. Bhala izinjongo zakho bese ubhala noma nini lapho wenza okuthile ukuze ufinyelele le migomo
• Thola izinkinga zakho. Ungazama ukulungisa lezi zinkinga, kodwa uma ungakwazi, funda ukwenza ukuthula nazo
• Noma nini lapho uzizwa unegethivu, khumbula ukuthi, “Kulungile.” Zinikeze i-pep-talk oyidingayo
• Ungagxili ekuzameni ukushintsha abanye ukuze uziqinisekise wena. Asikwazi ukulungisa ukuziphatha kwabanye ukuze kufanelane nathi. Uma uphila ngokuhlukunyezwa okungapheli, kunjalo isikhathi sokuqhubeka 

3. Udinga ukuyibiza

Uma umlingani wakho ehlala ekwenza ungasebenzi, noma ngabe ngamabomu noma ungahlosile, mbize. Bazomangala, badumale, noma bathukuthele ekuqaleni, kodwa udinga ukubatshela ukuthi kubuhlungu kuwe.

• Khomba ukuziphatha okuthola kungavumelekile. Batshele ngokushesha
• Udinga ukuma uqine. Ozakwethu abakhohlisayo bahle kakhulu ekuzihlukumezeni bona. Ngakho funda ukuyiqonda kahle le ndaba
• Phakamisa ikhefu, uma kuba kubi kakhulu. Umlingani wakho angase akuphikisa lokhu kodwa udinga ukumtshela indlela yokubhekana nokuthatha ikhefu ebuhlotsheni

4. Yiba wushintsho ngokwakho

Ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo emishadweni nasebudlelwaneni bothando kuvame kakhulu kunalokho esikucabangayo. Kuvame ukubhekwa njengokulungile noma ukuphathwa njengehlaya. Ukungasebenzi kwemizwa okungapheli akukhona. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke wayenza yangasebenzi imizwelo yomlingani wakho ngesinye isikhathi. Funda ukuzwelana futhi uthathe amazwi abo ngokungathi sína.

• Sebenzisani ulimi oluvumayo omunye nomunye. Sebenzisa amagama anjengokuthi “Kuzwakala kukhungathekisa” esikhundleni sokuthi “Yeka ukukhononda”
• Qaphela umlingani wakho. Umuntu ohlale engavumelekile ngokomzwelo uhlale ezinzwaneni zakhe
• Khuluma nabo ngobuqotho. Xhumana nabo futhi ubabuze ukuthi kukhona yini okuthile ngokuziphatha kwakho okubakhathazayo
• In midsommar, uDani wayehlale esaba ukushiywa isoka lakhe. Lokhu ukwesaba okuvamile phakathi kwabo bonke abathwala ukungasebenzi ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokukhononda ngakho. Tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi ukhona ukuze uthole okuhle nokubi

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Angu-9 Okukhulisa Ubuhlobo Nsuku Zonke

5. Ungakuxwayi usizo lochwepheshe

Lapho ngiqaphela ukuthi ngangingavumelekile, ngatshela uRory ukuthi ngifuna ikhefu. Ngokungamangalisi, waqala ukubiza iqhinga lokuhlukana naye, kodwa mina ngema ngiqinile. Ngokusikisela komngane wami, nganquma ukwelapha. Lokho kwaba esinye sezinqumo ezinhle kakhulu ekuphileni kwami.

• Thatha isikhathi sakho uthintana nemizwa yakho. Ukuqaphela kubalulekile uma ufuna ukwelashwa kusebenze
• Thola umelaphi ofanele ngezidingo zakho. Kwa-Bonobology, sinomsebenzi omuhle kakhulu iphaneli yabelaphi nabeluleki kuzo zonke izidingo zakho zempilo yengqondo

Imicabango Final

Kuyinkolelo evamile ukuthi abantu abasebudlelwaneni bayesekana, futhi ukungavunyelwa kwenzeka ngamabomu kuphela. Ngeshwa, abantu abavamisile ukuqaphela ukuthi bangenza abalingani babo bangasebenzi bengahlosile. Bakuthatha njengomzamo "wokusiza" umlingani wabo ukuba adlule okuhlangenwe nakho okunzima, noma bayehluleka ukuzwelana. 

Abantu baphinde benze imizwa ingasebenzi ngenxa yokungakhululeki kwabo ngokuba nemizwa yabo engacutshungulwanga ngenxa yokuvezwa kophathina babo. Kuzo zonke lezi zimo, intambo evamile esele ukuthi ukungasebenzi kungaholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu kwengqondo. Uma ubona noma yiziphi izimpawu zokungasebenzi ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bakho, thatha isinyathelo manje futhi usize ukuzakhela ubudlelwano obungcono.

Izindlela Ezingu-20 Eziqinisekisiwe Zokumenza Azizwe Enecala Ngokukuzwisa Kabuhlungu

Izinto Ezingu-15 Okufanele Uzazi Lapho Uthandana Nowesifazane We-Taurus

Ungawenza Kanjani Umshado We-Polyamorous Usebenze? 6 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.