Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokuhlala Uphilile Ngesikhathi Sesehlukaniso

Ukwenza isehlukaniso kuyakuqeda nya. Ukuthi nje umuntu owathandana naye washada nguyena ongeke usahlala naye kwanele ukukuhlukumeza. Wena nomlingani wakho wakudala nama phambi kwabathandiweyo benu nathembisana ukuthi nizomelana ebubini nasebubini. Izithembiso zephuliwe futhi uthando alusekho. Lawo amanye amaqiniso anzima nemizwa okufanele icutshungulwe. 

Usuqala ukuzibuza ukuthi lo muntu wake waba ngumngane wakho womphefumulo kwasekuqaleni. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isizathu sesehlukaniso sakho, imizwa ebuhlungu kanye nezinqubo zesehlukaniso kungayilimaza impilo yakho yengqondo. Eqinisweni, i- Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale ikhombisa ukuthi isehlukaniso singesesibili esibangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu kubantu, sesibili ngemva kokufa komlingani. Yingakho silapha ukuzokusiza udlule kulesi sikhathi esibuhlungu.

Ukuze sithole okwengeziwe mayelana nokuthi ungahlala kanjani uphilile engqondweni ngenkathi ubhekene nesehlukaniso, sixhumane nodokotela wengqondo olulekayo uNamrata Sharma (iMasters in Applied Psychology), ongummeli wezempilo yengqondo kanye ne-SRHR futhi ogxile ekunikezeni iseluleko ngobudlelwano obunobuthi, ukuhlukumezeka, usizi, izinkinga zobudlelwano, ubudlova obusekelwe kubulili kanye nobudlova basekhaya.

Uthi, "Into yokuqala okufanele uyenze ngemva kwesehlukaniso ukuthola iqembu elisekelayo. Iqembu lakho lokusekela kungaba abangani bakho nomndeni wakho nanoma yiliphi iqembu elisekelayo ku-inthanethi. Akufanele uzehlukanise phakathi nezikhathi ezinzima kangaka."

Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokuhlala Uphilile Ngenkathi Udlula Isehlukaniso

Ezweni lamamodeli, besingaphila impilo ebushelelezi ngokuphelele - ubuntwana obujabulisayo, umlingani onothando, ukuqonda abasemzini, izingane eziziphethe kahle, ezingaba namandla amakhulu, ukuguga okuncane, nokufa okungenabuhlungu. Kodwa-ke, leyo modeli engenasici, ephelele iyibhande lokuhambisa, izinto ezenziwe ngomshini. Kuyi-tarage. Empilweni yangempela, uzobhekana nobunzima futhi uzowa izikhathi eziyishumi nambili. Yindlela oziphakamisa ngayo futhi ubhekane nenqubo yokuphulukisa yokuhlukana ebalulekile. Ngezansi kunezeluleko eziwusizo zokuthi ungabhekana kanjani kangcono nosizi kanye nobuhlungu bokudlula esehlukaniso:

1. Yamukela isehlukaniso 

U-Namrata uthi, "Kungaba nezizathu eziningana zesehlukaniso. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yisiphi isizathu sakho, kufanele usamukele. Oshade naye ukukhohlisile? Yamukele. Bathe abasakuthandi? Yamukele futhi uzame ukuphulukisa kukho. Kuphela uma wamukela isizathu sesehlukaniso, uzokwazi ukwamukela isehlukaniso ngokwaso."

Ukwamukela kuzoba yingxenye enzima kakhulu futhi kuyisidingo sokuqala sokugcina uphilile engqondweni yakho ngemuva kwesehlukaniso. Khumbula ukuthi isehlukaniso senzeke. Akukho okwenzayo okuzoshintsha leli qiniso. Uzakwethu wangaphambili uvumile futhi futhi usuphokophele empilweni entsha.

Adonse umoya futhi akwamukele konke. Yamukela imizwa engemihle, ubuhlungu, ukucasuka, ubutha, neminye imizwa onayo ngomlingani wakho wangaphambili. Kodwa ungenzi ngaleyo mizwa engemihle noma uyivumele iqondise ukuziphatha kwakho. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini Isehlukaniso Futhi Kungani Abantu Behlukana?

2. Ungenzi ngemizwa yakho engemihle

Ngokulandela iphuzu elidlule, imicabango yakho ingase izule njengoba udabuka ngokulahlekelwa umshado wakho. Ungase ufune ukugwema ukwenza ngemizwa yakho engaqinile okwamanje. UDalai Lama omkhulu wathi imizwa ebhubhisayo iyasiphuphuthekisa. Awukwazi ukuqhubeka ubophe indwangu emnyama emehlweni akho, akunjalo? Kufanele uqonde ukuthi kujwayelekile ukuzwa le mizwa enamandla. 

Nazi ezinye izinto zokugcina imizwa yakho engemihle ilawulwa:

• Khala kahle
• Qonda ukuthi awunayo enye inketho ngaphandle kokudabukisa ukulahlekelwa futhi udlule kulesi sikhathi esiyinselele
• Ukubhekana nesehlukaniso ngokuchitha isikhathi nawe
• Chitha isikhathi wenza izinto ozithandayo. Funda, penda, bhala, hamba uye ejimini, futhi uhambehamba 
• Ungazihlukanisi noma uzisole ngokuhlukana nesehlukaniso 

3. Ungavumeli uthando luphenduke inzondo

UNamrata uthi, “Kungokwemvelo ukuzonda umuntu okubonise kokubili izikhathi ezijabulisayo nezilusizi. Ungavumeli inzondo ikudle. Lokhu ngeke nje kuthinte ubuhlobo bakho besikhathi esizayo (uma ukhetha ukuba nobuhlobo obuhle) nabo kodwa futhi kuyolimaza nobuhlobo babo nezingane zakho (uma bukhona). Uma ukhafula inzondo kumngane wakho wangaphambili phambi kwezingane zakho, kuyoba nomthelela omubi kumbono womzali wakho.”

Nathandana nalo muntu, nashada naye, nazala abantwana naye. Kodwa-ke, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, nobabili naqaphela ukuthi anijabuli ndawonye. Mhlawumbe nazizwa ningenalo uthando ninamathele emshadweni ongenalo uthando noma kwaba nezimo zokungathembeki nokukhohlisa. Noma mhlawumbe nobabili. Nahlukana nothando ngemva kokungathembeki kodwa nazama ukwenza lo mshado usebenzele izingane. Kodwa-ke, beningenakukwenza ngaphezu kwephuzu.

Noma ngabe idivosi iyini, ungakhohlwa ukuthi lo muntu ungubaba/umama wengane yakho. Lokhu akusho ukuthi nawe kufanele ucindezele intukuthelo yakho. Ubhekene nedivosi. Akungabazeki ukuthi uthukuthele futhi udabukile. Kodwa ungavumeli lentukuthelo nokudabuka kuphenduke inzondo. Ukubamba amagqubu ngowayeshade naye kuzokwenza kube nzima kuwe ukubeka lesi sigameko sempilo ngemuva bese uya phambili.

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4. Ukuphindisela akusona isixazululo 

Ukuziphindiselela akusoze kwakhokha indlela eya ekuphileni okunokuthula. Isifiso sokufaka owakwakho wangaphambili ezinhlungwini nasezinhlungwini ezifanayo ezizwise wena singaba namandla ngokwedlulele, ikakhulukazi lapho amanxeba esemasha. Kodwa udinga ukuma futhi uzibuze, iyiphi inhloso izofeza?

Ukuziphindiselela kwenzeka ngezindlela eziningi lapho udivosa. Ezinye zazo zihlanganisa:

• Ukucela isamba esingenangqondo semali yesondlo ngoba bakufaka esihogweni. Lokhu ukwenza ngenxa yokucasuka futhi njengendlela yokuziphindiselela kulowo owawushade naye 
• Ukucela ilungelo lokugcina ingane yakho ngoba umlingani wakho ukulimaze ngezindlela ezingenakulungiseka. Kungani ungababonisi ukuthi ungumuntu omkhulu ngokuvuma umzali ohlanganyela naye njengombhangqwana ohlukanisile  
• Iningi labantu liyaphuma lidlulele ukuyokhuluma nabantu bakudala babo. Kodwa kukhombisa kabi kakhulu kuwena kunabo. Gwema ukukhuluma kabi ngowayeshade naye nomndeni wakhe 

5. Ungaziqhathanisi nabanye

U-Namrata uthi, "Sihlale sinomkhuba wokuqhathanisa ukuphila kwethu nempilo yabanye. Indaba yomuntu ngamunye ihlukile. Ngeke ukhathazeke ngokuthi umshado womngane wakho ubonakala umangalisa kodwa owakho wabhidlika. Lokhu kuzokwehlisa ukuzihlonipha kwakho kanye nendlela ozazisa ngayo." 

Ungase ubheke impilo yabangane bakho emshadweni bese uzibuza ukuthi kungani injabulo ingasakushayi emnyango. Awazi ukuthi kwenzekani empilweni yabo. Uzozizwa sengathi impilo ayilunganga kuwe bese uqala ukuzonda impilo ngokuphelele. Yingakho kufanele ugweme ugibe lokuqhathanisa . Mane ugxile endleleni yokwenza impilo yakho ibe ngcono nsuku zonke.

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6. Qaphela ukuthi uthatha iseluleko kubani 

Uma ubhekene nesehlukaniso, abantu bazosho zonke izinhlobo zezinto, bezama ukukushukumisela ukuba ushintshe umqondo wakho. “Bekezela kakhudlwana.” “Bekezela kancane izinto zizoshintsha.” “ Nonga izinto embhedeni futhi ngeke uzizwe unesidingo sesehlukaniso.” Uma usufike eqophelweni lapho ungafuni lutho ngaphandle kwesehlukaniso nomlingani wakho, kumelwe ube nezizathu ezizwakalayo neziqinile zalokho.

Abangane nomndeni bangase bangasiqondi ngaso sonke isikhathi isiphithiphithi esifakwe kulo mshado ngakho-ke bazosebenzisa izinkulumo ezinjalo. Ungathathi izeluleko kubo futhi ungakunaki lokho abakushoyo. Thola izeluleko kulabo obaqonda ngempela ngalesi sikhathi esinzima. 

7. Qonda ukuthi awukwazi ukulawula yonke into 

U-Namrata uthi, "Ungakwazi ukuzilawula wena kuphela. Izinto ezingaphezu kwamandla akho kufanele zamukelwe njengoba zinjalo. Yamukela izinto ongeke ukwazi ukuzishintsha noma ukuzilawula. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzama kangakanani ukulawula inqubo yesehlukaniso, ezinye izici ziyoba ngaphezu kwamandla akho. Ngakho vumela ama-chips awele lapho angase awele khona futhi ugxile endleleni obhekana ngayo nezimo." Ukwamukela ukuthi awukwazi ukulawula yonke into kuzokusiza ukuthi wehlise amazinga akho okucindezeleka nokukhathazeka.

8. Ungaqali ukuthandana ngokushesha 

UNamrata uthi, “Lena yinto ebalulekile okufanele uyikhumbule uma ufuna ukuhlala uphilile engqondweni ngenkathi udlula esehlukaniso. Impilo ngemva kwesehlukaniso ngeke ibe lula. Kufanele ucabange kabili ngaphambi kokwenza noma yiziphi izinqumo mayelana nokuthandana nobudlelwano. Ungaqali ukuthandana ngokushesha. Noma okubi nakakhulu, ungangeni ebudlelwaneni obungathi sína ukuze nje ufakazele iphuzu kumuntu oshade naye wangaphambili.”

Uma ungena ebudlelwaneni ngemva kwesehlukaniso, ingqondo, umzimba, nomphefumulo wakho ngeke usithole isikhathi esisidingayo ukuze ululame. Ngamanxeba anjalo angokomzwelo angapholi kanye nemithwalo eminingi engokomzwelo, ayikho indlela ozokwazi ngayo ukwakha ubuhlobo obunempilo nomuntu omusha. Kuthatha isikhathi esiningi ukupholisa isehlukaniso. Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi njengethuba lokukhula.

9. Funda ekuzisoleni futhi ungazisoli 

Abantu abaningi bayakudida ukuzisola nokuzisola. Ukuzisola kuwumjikelezo ongapheli wokucindezeleka lapho umuntu ehlala ebambelele kokuthi "kungabe" nokuthi "kungenzeka yini". Kumele ufunde ekuzisoleni kwakho futhi ungazisoli. Ukuzisola kuholela ekutheni umuntu agweme ukuthatha amashansi ngomuso. Nokho, ukufunda kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kokuzisola kukunikeza ithuba lokugwema ukuphinda amaphutha afanayo. 

Ukuzisola kubangelwa uzwela lweqiniso. Manje njengoba usuyazi ukuthi kunjani ukulimaza noma ukulimaza othile, uyazi ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukugwema amaphethini angenampilo. Ubuhlungu kanye nenqubo yokuba lusizi obhekene nayo inamandla okukwenza ube nomusa futhi ube nozwela kwabanye. Zisebenzise kahle. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukwelulekwa Kwesehlukaniso: Izinzuzo Zokwelashwa Kwangaphambi Nangemva Kwesehlukaniso

10. Zijayeze 

Lena enye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu zokuhlala uphilile ngenkathi udlula isehlukaniso. Uma kubhekwa ukuthi imizwa yakho igcwele yonke indawo, kubalulekile ukuzijwayeza ukuzinakekela futhi ungavumeli izinyathelo zedivosi ziphazamise ukuzethemba kwakho, ukuzethemba, nokuzihlonipha kwakho. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazenza ukuze uzijwayeze ukuzinakekela:

• Vula abangani nomndeni 
• Phuma noma kusho ukuphuma wedwa
• Zindla futhi uzivocavoce njalo
• Ukuzithanda kanjani futhi? Zama ukubuyela ezindleleni zakho ezijwayelekile. Vuka, wenze ikhofi, phuma uye emsebenzini, buyela ekhaya, udle isidlo sakusihlwa, ufunde incwadi, bese ulala
• Ungathathi izinqumo ezinkulu ngesikhathi sosizi
• Zama ukujabulela ukuphila isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi
• Lapho uzizwa ukhathazekile, zama ukukubhala phansi. Gcina ijenali futhi ubhale phansi imicabango nemizwa yakho ejulile  
• Gcina ukuzinza ngokujoyina iqembu lokusekela 
• Zama ukubuyela ezindleleni zakho ezijwayelekile 

11. Funa usizo lochwepheshe 

Amanxeba angokomzwelo kanye nobuhlungu besehlukaniso kungaba nzima ukubhekana nabo wedwa. Khuluma nochwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo. Bazokusiza ukuthi ulahle lolo sizi nentukuthelo ngendlela enempilo. Uma ufuna usizo lochwepheshe, abeluleki abanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobology balapha ukukusiza.

Thatha izinqumo ezihlanzekile nezizolile ezingazalwa ngenxa yokugxeka kanye nenzondo. Okwamanje uyahlupheka futhi ukuhlupheka akukhona ukuba yisisulu, kunalokho kumayelana nobuhlungu. Ukuzwa ukuhlupheka ngendlela yokuba isisulu kuletha intukuthelo nokungabi nakuzisiza, futhi kukugcina ugxile esikhathini esedlule. Lokho akunampilo futhi kubambezela ukululama kwakho. Ukuwuzwa ngesimo sobuhlungu kukusiza ukuthi uyeke futhi uqhubekele phambili. Lezi zinyathelo zingakusiza ukuthi ume ngezinyawo zakho ezingokomzimba nezingokwengqondo ngokushesha futhi uqine.

Izimpawu Eziyi-12 Eziyisixwayiso Umlingani Wakho Ulahlekelwa Isithakazelo Ebudlelwaneni

Izinyathelo Eziyisi-6 Ongazithatha Uma Uzizwa Uvaleleke Ebudlelwaneni

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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