Izizathu Ezingu-18 Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso

Isehlukaniso asiyona into noma yimuphi umbhangqwana oyihlelayo ngosuku lwawo lomshado, kodwa isalokhu ingokoqobo kwabaningi. Eqinisweni, noma amazinga edivosi ehlile kusukela phezulu, izinga lesehlukaniso lase-US lisahamba cishe ku-40-50% emishadweni yokuqala. Lokhu kusho ukuthi cishe ingxenye yemishado ingase igcine isiphelile, naphezu kwezinhloso ezinhle zawo wonke umuntu. Kungani imibhangqwana eminingi ihlukana? Yonke imishado ihlukile, kodwa amaphethini ayavela. 

Izehlukaniso eziningi zibangelwa yingxubevange yezinkinga kunokuba kube ukuqhunyiswa okukodwa. Ngezansi, sizohlola izizathu ezivame ukushiwo zesehlukaniso, kusukela ekuphuleni ukwethembana kuya ekukhuleni ngokwehlukana, ukuze ukwazi ukubona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ebuhlotsheni bakho noma uzwele kangcono lokho abanye okungenzeka ukuthi babhekene nakho.

Isifinyezo Esisheshayo: Izizathu Eziphezulu Zesehlukaniso Ngokushesha

Izizathu Ezingu-18 Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso

Nakuba yonke imishado ihlukile, amaphethini abangela ukuthi kungani ephela ayavumelana ngokumangalisayo. Njengoba ubona, izindaba ezimayelana nokuzibophezela, ukungqubuzana, nokukhaphela zihamba phambili ohlwini. Manje ake sehlukanise ezingu-18 zezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso, ezihlanganiswe ngezindikimba ukuze kube lula ukufunda.

Izinkinga zokuthembela nokukhaphela

Ukuthembana kuyinsika yomshado. Lapho lokho kuthembana kwephulwa, ngenxa yokungathembeki, ukukhohlisa ngokwezimali, noma ukukhaphela okuhlobene nokulutheka, isisekelo sobudlelwano siyaqhekeka. Lezi izindaba zokuthembela bavame ukuphula isivumelwano ngoba babukela phansi ukuphepha nokwethembeka okugcina ubudlelwano ndawonye. Nazi ezinye zezinkinga ezivame kakhulu zokwethembana nezokukhaphela eziholela esahlukaniso:

1. Ukungathembeki (ukukopela)

Ukuthola ukuthi umngane womshado uye akathembekile kungabhidliza umshado ngokuphazima kweso. Akusona nje isenzo somzimba sokukopela, kungamanga, imfihlo, nokukhaphela okucekela phansi isisekelo sokuthembana. Ku Ukuhlola, ngaphezu kwesigamu semibhangqwana edivosayo (cishe ama-55%) icaphuna ukujola njengesizathu esikhulu sokuhlukana kwabo. Omunye cross-amasiko cwaningo waze wathola ukuthi ukungathembeki kuphakathi kwezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso. Ithonya elingokomzwelo liyalimaza. Umlingani okhashiwe ngokuvamile uzizwa elimele ngokujulile, elahliwe, futhi “akwanele,” kuyilapho umlingani okhohlisayo kungenzeka ukuthi kakade usewuhlolile ngokomzwelo umshado. 

Banomuzwa wokuthi ‘baphelelwe uthando’ nabashade nabo, futhi ngokuvamile kunomunye umuntu abangathanda ukuba naye.” 

- URobert Cohen, ummeli wesahlukaniso umakadebona mayelana nezehlukaniso eziqhutshwa ukungathembeki 

Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana esimeni esinjalo kunzima ngendlela emangalisayo. Eminye imibhangqwana ikuphatha ngokwethembeka nokwelulekwa okujulile, kodwa abaningi abakwazi. Kubantu abaningi, ukukopela kweqa umugqa ophawula ukuqala kokuphela komshado.

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2. Ukungathembeki ngokwezimali

Izinkinga zemali zingenye imbangela ehamba phambili yesehlukaniso, ikakhulukazi uma zihilela ukukhohlisa kwezezimali. Kungenye into ukulwa nezikweletu ndawonye futhi kungenye into uma umngane womshado eqola izikweletu ngasese, egembula imali ayilondolozile, noma efihla imali. Ukukhashelwa ngokwezimali kungasika kujule njengokungathembeki ngokocansi. Empeleni, izifundo khombisa izinkinga zezimali zidlala indima ebalulekile kuze kufike kuhhafu wedivosi. Kodwa akukhona njalo ukuntula imali. Imvamisa kumayelana nemikhuba yemali engahambelani nokwethembana okudalwe ukungezwani okufana nokuthi, 

• Omunye umngane womshado angase abe ochitha imali, alahle izizumbulu zemali ezintweni eziwubukhazikhazi, kuyilapho omunye engonga, encinza amasenti.
• Ukungqubuzana ngesabelomali, ukuthenga okukhulu, noma izindleko eziyimfihlo
• Ukucindezeleka kokubhekana nezinkinga zezimali 

Ummeli wezehlukaniso waseNew York uyaphawula, “Ukungafanelani ngokwezimali kuyinkinga evamile lapho umbono womngane womshado wezindleko ezidingekayo uwumbono womunye wokumosha ngendlela engenandaba. 

3. Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa nokulutheka

Ukulutheka kungabhidliza ubuhlobo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi utshwala, izidakamizwa, ukugembula, noma ezinye izilutha, inkinga ivame ukukhula ize iqede ubuhlobo. Umngane womshado omlutha angase 

• Amanga
• Sebenzisa imali yomndeni
• Unganaki izibopho
• Ngisho nokuhlukumeza

Konke lokhu kungenza umshado udlule lapho kubhidlika khona. Ocwaningweni olushicilelwe ngu I-Psychology Yomndeni Nomshado, cishe ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yemibhangqwana edivosayo (cishe 34%) ikholule ukusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa noma utshwala njengento ebalulekile esehlukaniso sabo. Izizathu zibonakala kalula: uma umlingani oyedwa ebanjwe umlutha, ukwethembeka kwabo okuyinhloko kuvame ukushintshela entweni noma ekuziphatheni, kushiye omunye umlingani kanye nezingane bezizwa sengathi sekucatshangwa. 

Ukwethembana kuyaphela ngenxa yenkohliso nezithembiso eziphulwayo ezivame ukuhambisana nokulutheka. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani ongeyena umlutha angase azizwe engumnakekeli ngaphezu komlingani, noma ukuthi kufanele akhethe phakathi kokulondoloza umshado nokuzisindisa, okwenza kube esinye sezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso.

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Ukuhlukana nokungqubuzana kokuxhumana

Akuyona yonke imishado egcina ngokukhaphela okukhulu. Abaningi bahlakazeka kancane ngenxa yezinkinga zokuxhumana eziqhubekayo nokungqubuzana. Ukukhulumisana okunempilo kuwumgogodla wobudlelwano. Ngaphandle kwakho, izinkinga ezincane ziyakhula futhi ziholele ekunqwabeleni ukucasuka ebudlelwaneni. Lapho yonke ingxoxo iba ingxabano noma lapho abalingani beyeka ukukhulumisana, umshado uba sesimweni esintengantengayo. Ake sibheke lezi zizathu ezivamile zesehlukaniso:

4. Ukungazibophezeli nomzamo

"Sisanda kuhlukana." “Uyekile ukuzama.” Lezi yizithiyo ezivamile ezinqubweni zesehlukaniso. Eqinisweni, ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela ngokuvamile kuyimbangela yokuqala yesehlukaniso. Kokunye Ucwaningo, abantu abangu-73% abahlukanisile bathi umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili ukungenzi umzamo owanele kwakuyimbangela enkulu. Kodwa ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela kubukeka kanjani usuku nosuku? Kungaba lula njengokuthatha umlingani wakho kalula. 

• Mhlawumbe omunye womshado kancane kancane ubeka umsebenzi, izinto azithandayo, noma abangane kuqala kunomshado
• Bobabili abalingani bawela obishini lokungathandani
• Ukungakhulumisani ngokujulile kungase kuholele ekutheni umbhangqwana uphile ngokuzenzakalelayo njengabantu abahlala nabo

Ukuthinta komzimba okuncane kwansuku zonke njengokulalela, ekhombisa uthando, nokuxazulula izinkinga ngokushesha kufana nediphozithi “ebhange lothando” eligcina umshado ucebile. Uma lezo zima, i-akhawunti yobudlelwano igcina ingenalutho. Njengoba uDkt. John Gottman ephawula ocwaningweni lwamashumi eminyaka, imibhangqwana ehlala iqinile ikhulisa ubuhlobo bayo ngokuqhubekayo, ikakhulukazi ezikhathini ezivamile. Ngokuphambene, imibhangqwana ephokophele isehlukaniso ivame ukunganaki futhi ingazinaki izinkinga kuze kube yilapho sekwephuze kakhulu. 

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5. Ukungqubuzana okweqile kanye nokuphikisana njalo

Ingabe uzizwa sengathi zonke izingxoxo nomngane wakho womshado ziphenduka impi? Imishado engapheli, enezingxabano ezinkulu iyisibikezelo esikhulu sesehlukaniso. Kokunye Ucwaningo, u-56% wemibhangqwana ehlukanisile yathi “ukungqubuzana noma ukuxabana kakhulu” kwakuyimbangela eyinhloko yokuhlukana kwayo. Kuvamile ukuthi imibhangqwana ingavumelani, kodwa yindlela osingatha ngayo ukungezwani okubalulekile. Uma izinkinga ezincane zivame ukukhula zibe ukufana kokuklabalasa noma ukubiza amagama izikhathi, imvelo iba yingozi. 

Ucwaningo lukaDkt. John Gottman luveza indelelo, eboniswa ngezenzo ezinjengokuhoxisa amehlo, ukuthuka, nokubhuqa, njengesibikezelo esinamandla sokuthi umshado uzophela ngesehlukaniso. Kanye nokudelela, “Abamahhashi Abane” baka-Gottman bokugxeka, ukuzivikela, nokugenca (ukuvala) ngokuvamile bagabavula eduze kobudlelwano obunodweshu. Lapho lezi zindlela ezingezinhle zithatha amandla, ukukhulumisana okukhiqizayo kuyama, futhi kuqala ukucasuka.

6. Ukungakhulumisani kahle

Ukuhambisana nokulwa njalo kungomunye umbulali wobudlelwano: ukwehlukana kokuxhumana. Akuwona wonke umbhangqwana odonsa kanzima othethisanayo, abanye bavele bayeke ukukhuluma nganoma yini ebalulekile. Imizwa ebalulekile iyavaleka. Izihloko ezinzima ziyagwenywa. Uzakwethu oyedwa noma bobabili bavale. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lesi sikhala sokukhulumisana siyingozi emshadweni njengenzondo eqondile nesinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zesehlukaniso. 

Ake ucabange ngomndeni lapho abashadile bekhuluma kuphela ngamashejuli, izikweletu, noma izingane, kodwa bengalokothi mayelana nokwesaba kwabo, amaphupho, noma ukukhungatheka. Lapho kuphakama izinkinga (futhi zihlala njalo), le mibhangqwana ayihlali phansi futhi ixoxe ngayo. Umphumela? Ukucasuka kwakha buthule. Izidingo azihlangabezwanga ngoba azikaze zivezwe. Omunye umngane womshado angase azizwe enesizungu esikhulu noma enganakwa ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Ngenxa yalokho, umbhangqwana uyakhukhuleka ekunqamukeni futhi, ekugcineni, uphumele emnyango. 

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7. Ukuzizwa ungabongwa futhi ungelutho

Isizathu esivamile ngokumangalisayo sesehlukaniso singafingqwa ngokuthi “Awungithandisisi.” Ngokuhamba kweminyaka, umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili bangase baqale ukuzizwa bethathwa kalula. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi zonke izinto ezincane nezinkulu abazenzayo azinakwa noma zilindelwe, ngaphandle kokubonga noma ukutuswa. Lokhu kungase kungabonakali njengokumangazayo njengokukopela noma ukulwa, kodwa ukuzizwa ungabongiwe njalo kungawulimaza umshado buthule. Uzakwethu ozizwa engabalulekile ukhula ecasuke futhi aqhelelane ngokomzwelo. 

Bangase bacabange, "Kungani ngiqhumisa isinqe sami kumuntu onganaki noma onganaki?" Ekugcineni, leyo nzondo ingase iphenduke iphuzu. Abeluleki bemishado bavame ukuzwa izikhalo ezinjengokuthi “Ngizizwa ngingabonakali koshade naye” noma “Akukho engikwenzayo okwanele.” Lawo amafulegi abomvu. Ukuzizwa ungaziswa kungase kungabi sematheni “njengesizathu” esimangalisayo, kodwa kuyisisekelo sezehlukaniso eziningi. 

8. Ukukhula ngokwehlukana

Ukukhula ngokwehlukana kuvame ukucashunwa phakathi kwezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso, futhi kusho ukulahleka kancane kancane kokuxhumana kanye nezithakazelo ezabiwe. Ukusondelana okwake kwachaza ubudlelwano kuyafiphala, kwesinye isikhathi ngaphandle kokuthi noma yiliphi iqembu liqaphele kuze kuphele. Izinguquko zokuphila ezifana nemisebenzi, ukukhula komuntu siqu, ukuba nezingane, namadolobha ahambayo angabeka abashadile emikhondweni ehlukene kancane kancane. Uvuka ngolunye usuku futhi ubone ukuthi kuncane enifana ngakho ngaphandle komlando kanye nekheli leposi. 

Imibhangqwana ekhula ngokuhlukana ngokuvamile ichaza ukungabi nesikhathi esihle ndawonye. Iminyaka eminingi, ukusebenzelana kwabo kungenzeka kugxile ezinganeni noma emisebenzini yasekhaya kuphela, futhi bafaka imali encane ekuthuthukiseni ubungane noma ezothando phakathi kwabo. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho iziphazamiso zangaphandle ziphela, laba bantu ababili bayabona ukuthi bangabantu abangabazi. 

Ukukhula ngokwehlukana kungase futhi kube umphumela wezinguquko zomuntu siqu. Umuntu owashada naye eneminyaka engu-22 akafani uma uneminyaka engu-42, futhi ngezinye izikhathi lezo zinguqulo ezithuthukisiwe azihambelani. Ngesikhathi imibhangqwana eminingi iqaphela, ibanga lizwakala likhulu kakhulu ukuba lingahamba, futhi ngokudabukisayo bahlukana, becaphuna ukuthi “asisafani nabantu abafanayo.”

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9. Ukungahambisani kanye nokwehluka okungalungiseki

Njalo isehlukaniso sihilela ukungezwani, kodwa lapha sikhuluma ngokungahambisani okuyisisekelo, lapho abantu ababili amanani ayisisekelo, ubuntu, noma imigomo yempilo ayihlangani ngokuqhubekayo. Ukungahambisani kungase kuthathe izinhlobo eziningi, 

• Ukungqubuzana kobuntu, lapho umuntu eyimvemvane yezenhlalo exakile, omunye engowasekhaya, futhi kungekho ongakwazi ukuyekethisa
• Umehluko kumagugu abalulekile njengezindima zobulili, izinkolo, nemigomo yesikhathi esizayo 
• Ukungafani izinto eziza kuqala, lapho umuntu ebazisa khona umsebenzi nesifiso sokuvelela, kuyilapho omunye ebeka phambili isikhathi somndeni
• Imikhuba yempilo efana ne-neat-freak ebhangqwe ne-slob, inati lezempilo nomuntu obhemayo, umuntu ochitha imali onesilondolozi

Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, uthando nokuthatheka kungase kugcwalise le mifantu. Kodwa njengoba iqiniso liqala, lowo mehluko uyavela. Uma igebe likhulu ngokwanele ezintweni ezibaluleke ngempela komunye noma kokubili, umshado uqala ukuzizwa njengokudonselana njalo lapho othile kufanele ayekethise ubuyena bakhe. Lesi isiphakamiso esikhathazayo lapho imibhangqwana ilahlekelwa umuzwa wokuba abalingani beqiniso. Ekugcineni, abaningi banquma ukuthi bahluke kakhulu ukuba bakwenze kusebenze futhi bahlukanise izindlela.

Isifinyezo sokulotshiweyo kwe-YouTube

Le vidiyo ichaza ucwaningo lukaJohn Gottman mayelana nokuthi ukuziphatha okuthile kungabikezela kanjani isehlukaniso ngokunemba okuphezulu. Izimpawu eziyisixwayiso eziyisihluthulelo zihlanganisa ukuqalisa okunonya, “abagibeli bamahhashi abane” (ukuzivikela, ukwedelela, ukugxeka, nokugwazwa ngamatshe), ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo, ukucindezeleka ngokomzimba, izinkumbulo ezingezinhle, nemizamo ehlulekile yokulungisa. Umlayezo uwukuthi ukulwa ngokwayo akuyona inkinga—okubalulekile ukuthi imibhangqwana ingaphinde ixhumane futhi ilungise ngemva kokungqubuzana. Empeleni, izimpi eziningi zimayelana nokufuna ukuxhumana, hhayi indaba engaphezulu.

Ukusondelana nokunqamuka kwemizwelo

Umshado onempilo udinga ukusondelana, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Lapho lobo buhlobo obuseduze buphela, ubuhlobo bungase buqale ukuzizwa bungenangqondo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi impilo yocansi engagculisi noma engekho noma ibanga elijwayelekile lomzwelo phakathi kwabashadile, lezi zinkinga zivame ukungena kancane kancane kodwa zingabangela ukungajabuli okujulile. Ake sihlole ezinye zezimbangela ezivamile ezihlobene nokusondelana zesehlukaniso:

10. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo

Imishado iyachuma ngokusondelana. Hhayi nje ucansi, kodwa uthando, ububele, nokuzizwa usondelene ngokomzwelo. Lapho ukusondelana kunyamalala, umshado ungashintsha kalula usuke ebudlelwaneni obunothando uye kuhlalisana kaplatonic. Izikhathi ezinwetshiwe ezingathintani nobulili kancane zingashiya oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bazizwa benqatshiwe, bengafiseleki, futhi bekhungathekile, kukwenze kube esinye sezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso. 

A umshado ongenabulili kuvamile ngokumangazayo futhi akuyona inkinga njalo uma bobabili abalingani belungile ngakho. Kodwa ngokuvamile, okungenani oyedwa umlingani akalungile ngakho. Ukuntula ucansi okungapheli kungadala ukungezwani kanye nesizungu esilimaza isibopho. Lowo oshade naye angase aqale ukuzibuza ukuthi yilokhu kuphela okukhona yini, futhi kwezinye izimo angase afune ukwaneliseka kwenye indawo. 

Ukuntuleka kokusondelana kungadlulela ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Uma imibhangqwana iyeka ukwabelana ngemicabango nemizwa yayo, noma ingalokothi ibe nesikhathi esinenjongo ndawonye, ​​ilahlekelwa “inhlansi” nobungane obugcina uthando luphila. Bangase bahlale ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo kodwa baphile izimpilo ezihlukene zemizwa. Abantu abaningi abadivosayo baveza ukuthi sebephelelwe uthando noma isikhathi eside bengenalo uthando ngabangane babo bomshado. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuntuleka Kothando Nokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni

11. Okulindelwe okungenangqondo

Ukungena emshadweni nezibuko ezinemibala e-rose kungase kubeke umbhangqwana ekuphoxekeni. Uma umlingani oyedwa noma bobabili benokulindela okungenangqondo ngalokho umshado okufanele ube yikho, iqiniso cishe liqinisekile ukuthi ngeke liphumelele. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokho kudumazeka kungase kubangele ukucasuka nokuzisola. Eqinisweni, cishe ama-45% abantu abahlukanisile koyedwa Ucwaningo wathi ukulindela okungenangqondo ngomshado kwaba nengxenye ekuhlukaneni kwabo. Okulindelwe okungenangqondo okujwayelekile kufaka phakathi izinto ezifana,

• “Umngane wami womshado uzozanelisa zonke izidingo zami, ezingokomzwelo, zezenhlalo, mhlawumbe nezezimali.” 
• “Ukushada kuyohlale kunomuzwa wothando futhi kujabulisa njengalapho sisaqomisana.” 
• Uma lolu ‘kuwuthando lweqiniso,’ akufanele kube nzima noma kudinga umsebenzi.” 

Lezi zinkolelo eziphusile zingqubuzana neqiniso lokuthi umshado awuyona inganekwane eqhubekayo. Ukuphila kwansuku zonke kuletha isithukuthezi, ingcindezi, izikweletu, nokuwasha izingubo ezingcolile, okungezona ncamashi izinto zamahlaya othando. Uma othile elindele uthando olungapheli noma ecabanga ukuthi umlingani wakhe uzoshintsha ngomlingo ngemva komshado, usekuvukeni okungenanhlonipho. Imishado eminingi iyawohloka ngaphansi kwesisindo salokho umuntu acabanga ukuthi kufanele kube yikho uma kuqhathaniswa nalokho eyikho ngempela. 

12. Ukuntula ibhalansi yokuphila komsebenzi

Ezweni lanamuhla elimatasa, “ukushadelwa emsebenzini” kungawohloza ngempela ukushada nomuntu. Ucwaningo ithole ukuthi imishado nomuntu oyisigqila sokusebenza inamathuba amaningi kakhulu okuphetha ngesehlukaniso. Kungani? Umngane womshado womuntu oyisigqila somsebenzi ngokuvamile uzizwa enesizungu, enqanyuliwe, futhi ehlala endaweni yesibili. Imicimbi ebalulekile yomndeni iyaphuthelwa. Izidlo zakusihlwa, amaholide, ngisho nezingxoxo zokulala ziyaphazamiseka noma zihlatshelwe umsebenzi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubuhlobo buqala ukuzizwa njengombono ongemuhle. 

Umlingani osebenzayo angase akuthethelele ngokuthi “ngenzela umndeni lokhu,” kodwa lokho akulisusi ibanga elingokomzwelo elidalekile. Lapho umlingani oyedwa engakaze abe “ngaphandle kwewashi,” ukusondelana nokukhulumisana kuyaphazamiseka. Umlingani ongeyena oyisigqila sokusebenza angase athwale yonke imisebenzi yasekhaya kanye neyokukhulisa izingane eyedwa, aqhubekisele phambili ukucasuka. Uma kungashintshi lutho, ekugcineni lokho kucasuka kungaphenduka isinqumo sokushiya. 

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Izingcindezi zangaphandle nezimo zokuphila

Ngezinye izikhathi izimbangela zesehlukaniso zibangelwa izingcindezi zangaphandle noma izimo zempilo lezo cindezela umshado. Izici ezinjalo zingadala ukungezwani okukhulu ngisho nakubashadikazi abanezinhloso ezinhle. Ake sibheke ezimbalwa ezivamile:

13. Ukushada usemncane kakhulu

Isikhathi sibalulekile emshadweni. Imibhangqwana eshada lapho isanda kweva eshumini nambili ivame ukubhekana nezinselele ezengeziwe imibhangqwana esikhulile engase izigweme. Kalula nje, lapho usemncane kakhulu, ungase ungazazi ngokugcwele noma ukuthi yini oyifunayo kumlingani wakho. Abantu bakhula kakhulu eminyakeni yabo-20, futhi ngeshwa, eminye imishado ayikwazi ukusinda kulokho kukhula.

Kungani lokhu? Esinye isici esiyinhloko ukungavuthwa, kokubili ngokomzwelo futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngokwezimali. Abasha abasanda kushada bangase bangakabi nawo amakhono okuxazulula izingxabano noma isineke esidingekayo emshadweni. Izinkinga ezincane zingakhula zibe izimpi ezinkulu ngoba, ngokungananazi, intsha kanye nabantu abadala abasebancane bangaba namawala. Ukwengeza, imibhangqwana emisha ivame ukubhekana nezingcindezi zangaphandle njengokuqeda imfundo, ukuqala imisebenzi, nokudonsa kanzima ngokwezimali, konke ngesikhathi esifanayo nokulungisa impilo yomshado. Lokho kuyingcindezi enkulu kubambiswano olusafufusa. 

Njengoba iminyaka iqhubeka, abangane bomshado abashada besebancane kakhulu bangase bathole ukuthi lapho sebehlanganisa iminyaka engu-20, sebekhule baba abantu abahluke kakhulu kunalapho bethi “Ngiyakwenza.” Okuzwakala njengothando lweqiniso ngineminyaka engu-19 kungase kuzizwe kukhubazeka noma kungafaneleki lapho ngineminyaka engu-30 imishado iyaphela, imvamisa kungenxa yokuthi laba ababili babengakabi nawo amathuluzi noma ukuzazi ukukhetha umlingani ofanele noma ukuzulazula ezivunguvungwini zempilo ndawonye. 

14. Ukungaboni ngaso linye ngezingane kanye nokukhulisa izingane

Izingane nazo zingaletha ukucindezeleka okukhulu nezingxabano. Kuqala ngesinqumo sokuthi uzoba nezingane nhlobo. Uma umngane womshado oyedwa ngasese noma obala engazifuni izingane futhi omunye ezifuna, lokho kuwukungavumelani okuyisisekelo okungaholela edivosini uma kungaxazululeki. Ngisho noma bobabili bevumelana ngokuba nezingane, ukuhluka kwesitayela somzali kungadala ukungezwani phakathi kwabalingani. 

Imibhangqwana ingase ilwe ngayo yonke into kusukela ezindleleni zokuziphatha kuya ekukhethweni kwemfundo kuye kokuthi zingalimaza kangakanani izingane. Lezi zingxabano zingaba namandla ngoba zithinta izindinganiso ezijulile nokwesaba. Akulula ukuvele “uvume ukungavumelani” ngokuthi umkhulisa kanjani umuntu enimthanda nobabili. Uma ingalawulwa, izingxabano zabazali zingadala umjikelezo we ukugxeka lokho kuphumela ekucasukeni okuvamile. 

Okunye okugqamayo yilapho umbhangqwana udonsa kanzima ukuthola abantwana. Ukungabi nabantwana kanye nengcindezi yokwelashwa noma imizamo ehlulekile kunganqamula ngokudabukisayo ubudlelwano obungaqinile. Futhi uma ingane inezidingo ezikhethekile noma izinkinga zezokwelapha, ukungezwani okwengeziwe kungase kuqede imishado ethile. Lapho usuku nosuku luletha ingxabano entsha mayelana nezingane, eminye imibhangqwana igcina inqume ukuhlukana kunokuba iqhubeke nokulwa phambi kwezingane ezama ukuzikhulisa.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinzuzo Ezifihliwe Zesehlukaniso

15. Ukwehluka ngokwenkolo noma kwamasiko

“Uthando lunqoba konke” kuzwakala kumnandi, kodwa empeleni, ukungezwani okukhulu kwenkolo noma isiko kungase kubangele ubunzima obukhulu emshadweni. Ukuhlanganisa izinkolo noma imibhangqwana yezinhlanga ngokuvamile bangena emshadweni benenhlonipho egcwele ngezizinda zomunye nomunye. Nokho phansi komugqa, izingxabano zingavela mayelana nendlela yokuphila nokuthi yiziphi izindinganiso okufanele zibekwe phambili. Isibonelo, izinkolelo ezihlukene zenkolo zingase zingqubuzane lapho unquma indlela yokukhulisa izingane: 

• Iluphi ukholo, uma lukhona, izingane eziyofundiswa ngalo? 
• Ingabe bazobhapathizwa noma babe ne-bar mitzvah? 
• Imaphi amaholide umndeni ozowagubha, futhi kanjani? 

Uma abangane bomshado bengaboni ngaso linye, kungase kubangele ukungqubuzana njalo ngisho nokucindezela okuvela emndenini. Ukwehluka kwamasiko njengokuvela ezinhlangeni noma ezizweni ezahlukene nakho kungaholela ekungaqondini noma ekungabonini ngaso linye ngezindima, izitayela zokuxhumana, noma okulindelwe umndeni. Isiko elithile lingase lilindele ukuthi umbhangqwana uvame ukwamukela izihlobo noma usekele amalungu omkhaya ngokwezimali, kuyilapho umngane womshado wesinye isiko angase akuthole kuwumthwalo noma kuwumthwalo lokhu. 

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lo mehluko ungadala amandla okuthi “thina ngokumelene nabo”. Uma kungekho muntu ozimisele ukuzivumelanisa nezimo noma wena ongavumelani ngokuyisisekelo ngezindinganiso ezibalulekile zempilo (ezingokomoya noma zesiko), ukungqubuzana kungase kungapheli. Ngokudabukisayo, uthando aluhlali lunqoba ukuhlukana okujulile ekubukeni komhlaba.

16. Ukugxambukela komndeni kanye nezinkinga nabasemzini

Isisho sakudala sithi, "Uma ushada nomuntu, ushada nomndeni wakhe." Kweminye imibhangqwana, abasekhweni nomndeni omkhulu bangaba umthombo ophikelelayo wokucindezeleka okugcina kugasele emshadweni. Mhlawumbe abazali bomngane womshado bahileleka ngokweqile, bagxeka yonke into kusukela endleleni umbhangqwana ophatha ngayo imali kuya endleleni okhulisa ngayo izingane. Noma omunye angase ahlale enamathele kubazali bakhe kangangokuthi ahlale ethatha uhlangothi lwabazali kunolwabashade nabo. Lezi zimo zingadala ukucasuka okukhulu. Uma imingcele nabasemzini azibekiwe futhi zihlonishwa, ukugxambukela kungase kuguqukele ekubeni umuntu obhidlizayo umshado, okwenza kube esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zesehlukaniso. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu ayi-10 Asebenzayo Okuziqhelelanisa Nabasekhweni

Izinkinga ezinzima nezingaxoxiswana ngazo

Okokugcina, phakathi kwezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso yizimbi kakhulu abaphula isivumelwano sobudlelwano. Lezi yizindaba ezivame ukushiya isikhala esincane sokuyekethisa noma ukubekezelelana. Lapho lezi zici zikhona, isehlukaniso ngokuvamile asigcini nje ngokuqondakala kodwa siyadingeka ukuze umuntu aphephe futhi aphile kahle. Nazi ezinkulu:

17. Udlame lwasekhaya nokuhlukunyezwa

Ukuhlukunyezwa kuyiqiniso elidabukisayo kweminye imishado futhi phakathi kwezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso. Lokhu kubandakanya, 

• Udlame olungokomzimba, olufana nokushaya, ukuklinywa, nanoma yikuphi ukulimala komzimba 
• Emotional kanye ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi, njengokubukela phansi njalo, ukulawula ukuziphatha, ukusongela, noma ukwesabisa 
• Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi, okuhlanganisa ukudlwengulwa komshado noma ukuphoqwa
• Ukuhlukunyezwa kwezimali, lapho umlingani oyedwa elawula yonke imali nenkululeko

Konke lokhu kwephula ukwethenjwa nokuphepha okuyisisekelo okufanele umshado unikeze. Okudabukisayo ukuthi izisulu eziningi zibekezelela iminyaka yokuhlukunyezwa ngaphambi kokuba zihambe, ngokuvamile ngenxa yokwesaba, ukuncika ngokwezimali, noma ngethemba lokuthi umlingani ohlukumezayo uzoshintsha. Kodwa ngokuvamile, umjikelezo wodlame uyaqhubeka noma uyakhula. Ekugcineni, abaningi bathola isibindi sokudivosa njengendlela yokusinda nesivikelo, ikakhulukazi uma kuhileleke izingane. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Abhekana Ngayo Nokugula Kwengqondo Komlingani Wakhe

18. Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo ezingalashwa

Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo zingafaka ubunzima obukhulu emshadweni, ikakhulukazi uma umuntu ohluphekayo engasiphathi kahle isimo sakhe. Ukuze kucace, ukuba nesifo sengqondo nje akuwubhubhisi umshado. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibhekana futhi iphumelele ndawonye ngenxa yokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, njll., ngokwelashwa nokusekelwa okufanele. Kodwa-ke, uma inkinga yezempilo yengqondo inzima noma ingelashwa, ingadala isimo esingazinzile. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Umngane womshado one-bipolar disorder engelashiwe angase aqhubeke echitha isikhathi esiningi noma aqhume ngolaka phakathi nezigaba zokusangana, bese ecwila ekuhoxisweni okujulile kokucindezeleka amasonto amaningi, ashiye omunye umlingani ehlalele onqenqemeni.
• Umuntu onokucindezeleka okukhulu angase angatholakali ngokomzwelo futhi angakwazi ukufaka isandla ebudlelwaneni noma empilweni yomndeni, aphoqelele umlingani wakhe ukuba athwale yonke imithwalo yemfanelo futhi anikeze ukunakekelwa okuqhubekayo.
• Izinkinga zobuntu ezifana ne-narcissistic noma i-borderline personality disorder zingahlanekezela ngokujulile ukuxhumana nokwethembana, ngezinye izikhathi kuholele ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo noma emaphethini obudlelwane obunesiphithiphithi. 

Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukucindezeleka komngane womshado onempilo kungaba kukhulu. Bangase bazizwe benecala, bedabuke, futhi bakhathele ngokuzama ukusiza abalingani babo, ngokuvamile babekezelele ukuziphatha okulimazayo ngokubuyisela. Uma umlingani ogulayo enqaba ukwelashwa, ephika inkinga, noma uma ukwelashwa kungasebenzi ngokwanele, umshado ungase uwohloke futhi ekugcineni uhlukane.

Ingabe Lezi zizathu Eziphezulu Zesehlukaniso Zingavinjelwa? 

Nakuba ingekho induku yomlingo yobufakazi bedivosi, izinkinga eziningi ezingenhla zingaxazululwa noma zigwenywe ngokuzikhandla. Nazi ezinye izinto ezisebenzayo, ezigxile ezenzweni zabashadikazi abafuna ukuqinisa umshado wabo:

• Faka imali kwezokuxhumana: Kwenze umkhuba ukukhuluma ngempela futhi ulalele oshade naye njalo. Ungavumeli ukukhathazeka kukhule ngokuthula. Cabangela ukwelulekwa ngokwengqondo noma imihlangano yokucobelelana ngolwazi yabashadile ngcono ukuxhumana amakhono ngaphambi kokuba izingxabano zigxile. Ingxoxo evulekile, eqotho ifana nokunakekela umshado wakho. Igcina izinto zihamba kahle
• Setha okulindelekile okungokoqobo: Zikhumbuze ukuthi abukho ubudlelwano obungenasici. Kuzoba khona ukukhuphuka, ukwehla, nezingcezu eziyisicefe phakathi. Ungaqhathanisi umshado wakho nezothando zaseHollywood noma okuphakelayo kwakho kwenkundla yezokuxhumana. Lindela ukuthi kuzofika izikhathi ezinzima, futhi nivumelane njengombhangqwana ukubhekana nazo njengeqembu kunokuba nicabange “ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade” akusho umzamo. Ukugcina okulindelekile kungokoqobo kungavimbela ukudumazeka okuningi
• Phatha izimali ndawonye njengeqembu: Izinkinga zemali kulula ukuzisingatha uma bobabili abalingani behilelekile futhi bebeka obala. Yakhani ibhajethi ngokuhlanganyela, vumelanani ngemigomo emikhulu yezezimali, futhi nibe nokuhlola imali njalo. Ngale ndlela, azikho izimanga ezimbi njengesikweletu esifihliwe. Uma nenza izinqumo zezezimali ndawonye, ​​kwakha ukwethembana. Uma oyedwa noma nobabili ninenkinga yokusebenzisa imali noma isikweletu, cabangani ukubona umeluleki wezezimali. Ungavumeli izinkinga zemali zikhule ekusithekeni
• Yenza isikhathi sokusondelana nokwazisa: Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi impilo iba matasa kangakanani, qopha isikhathi sekhwalithi. Lokhu kungase kube lula njengengxoxo eyimizuzu engu-15 ubusuku ngabunye ngaphandle kweziphazamiso, ubusuku bezinsuku zamasonto onke, noma ukubaleka kwezothando ngezikhathi ezithile. Futhi, bonisa ukubonga nsuku zonke. Nibonge ngezinto ezincane, nincomane futhi nibonise uthando. Ukugcina ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo nangokomzimba kuqinile kuyisihluthulelo “sokufakazela izindaba” umshado wakho. Kukusiza nobabili nizizwe nibalulekile futhi nithandwa ekhaya
• Funa usizo kusenesikhathi ngezinkinga ezibucayi: Uma ubona izimpawu zenkinga enkulu, kungaba ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, izinkinga zempilo yengqondo, noma ukungqubuzana okungapheli, ungalindi ukuthola usizo lochwepheshe. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibambezela kuze kube yilapho umonakalo omkhulu kakhulu. Ukufinyelela kumelaphi, iqembu labasekeli, noma udokotela lapho kuvela inkinga yokuqala kungavimba inkinga ukuthi ingabhebhetheki. Akulula neze ukuvuma ukuthi umshado udinga usizo, kodwa ukulungisa izinkinga ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva kwandisa kakhulu amathuba okusindisa ubuhlobo.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Isehlukaniso akuvamile ukuba sibe nesizathu esisodwa. Ngokuvamile, kuyinhlanganisela yezinkinga ezakhayo kuze kube yilapho ubudlelwano bungasimama. Ukunquma isehlukaniso kuwumuntu ojulile futhi ngokuvamile kubuhlungu. Kwezinye izimo, isibonelo, ukuhlukunyezwa okuqhubekayo noma ukulutha okuyingozi, ukuqeda umshado kungaba ukukhetha okunempilo kuwo wonke umuntu ohilelekile. Alikho ihlazo ukukuqaphela lokho. Kwezinye izimo, imibhangqwana ingase izibuze ukuthi ngabe ngabe ivimbele ukuhlukana ngokuxazulula izinkinga kusenesikhathi noma ngokuhlukile.

Uma ukufunda lokhu kukwenze wabona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ebuhlotsheni bakho, ungadangali. Ukuqaphela inkinga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala. Khuluma nophathina wakho, cabangela ukwelulekwa, futhi ukhumbule ukuthi kungani nakhetha omunye nomunye. Okubaluleke kakhulu, yazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Cishe wonke umbhangqwana uyazabalaza ngesinye isikhathi, futhi abaningi baye babuya onqenqemeni lokuqina. Ekugcineni, umshado uwuhambo, futhi nakuba umgwaqo ungase ube namatshe, imibhangqwana ezulazula ezingozini ndawonye ngokuvamile ithola isibopho esijulile ngakolunye uhlangothi. Futhi kulabo abangakwenzi, kukhona ukuphila nokukhula ngemva kwesehlukaniso futhi. Kunoma ikuphi, ukuqonda lezi zimbangela zesehlukaniso ezivamile kuyisinyathelo esiya ebudlelwaneni obunempilo futhi, ngethemba, usizi oluncane lwenhliziyo esikhathini esizayo.

17 Izimpawu Umshado Ngeke Usindiswe

Izinto Eziyisi-8 Ezingabhidliza Umshado

Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zomshado Ongenalo Uthando Nendlela Yokusebenza Kuwo

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.