Izizathu Ezingu-18 Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso

Isehlukaniso asiyona into noma yimuphi umbhangqwana oyihlelayo ngosuku lwawo lomshado, kodwa isalokhu ingokoqobo kwabaningi. Eqinisweni, noma amazinga edivosi ehlile kusukela phezulu, izinga lesehlukaniso lase-US lisahamba cishe ku-40-50% emishadweni yokuqala. Lokhu kusho ukuthi cishe ingxenye yemishado ingase igcine isiphelile, naphezu kwezinhloso ezinhle zawo wonke umuntu. Kungani imibhangqwana eminingi ihlukana? Yonke imishado ihlukile, kodwa amaphethini ayavela. 

Izehlukaniso eziningi zibangelwa yingxubevange yezinkinga kunokuba kube ukuqhunyiswa okukodwa. Ngezansi, sizohlola izizathu ezivame ukushiwo zesehlukaniso, kusukela ekuphuleni ukwethembana kuya ekukhuleni ngokwehlukana, ukuze ukwazi ukubona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ebuhlotsheni bakho noma uzwele kangcono lokho abanye okungenzeka ukuthi babhekene nakho.

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Izizathu Ezingu-18 Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso

Nakuba yonke imishado ihlukile, amaphethini abangela ukuthi kungani ephela ayavumelana ngokumangalisayo. Njengoba ubona, izindaba ezimayelana nokuzibophezela, ukungqubuzana, nokukhaphela zihamba phambili ohlwini. Manje ake sehlukanise ezingu-18 zezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso, ezihlanganiswe ngezindikimba ukuze kube lula ukufunda.

Izinkinga zokuthembela nokukhaphela

Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo somshado. Uma lokho kwethembana kuphukile, ngenxa yokungathembeki, ukukhohlisa ngokwezimali, noma ukukhashelwa okuhlobene nomlutha, isisekelo sobudlelwano siyaqhekeka. Lezi zinkinga zokuthembana zivame ukuba yizinto eziphula isivumelwano ngoba zilimaza ukuphepha nokwethembeka okugcina ubudlelwano buhlangene. Nazi ezinye zezinkinga zokuthembana nokukhashelwa ezivame kakhulu eziholela esahlukanweni:

1. Ukungathembeki (ukukopela)

Ukuthola ukuthi umlingani wakho ubengathembekile kungabhidliza umshado cishe ngobusuku obubodwa. Akuyona nje isenzo somzimba sokukhohlisa, amanga, imfihlo, kanye nokukhaphela okubhubhisa isisekelo sokuthembana. Ezinhlolovo , abangaphezu kwengxenye yemibhangqwana ehlukanisayo (cishe ama-55%) bakhomba ubuhlobo bomshado njengesizathu esikhulu sokuhlukana kwabo. Olunye ucwaningo oluhlanganisa amasiko luze lwathola ukuthi ukungathembeki kuphakathi kwezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso. Umphumela ongokomzwelo uyalimaza. Umlingani okhohlisiwe uvame ukuzizwa elimele kakhulu, elahliwe, futhi “akwanele,” kuyilapho umlingani okhohlisiwe kungenzeka ukuthi usevele ephumile emshadweni ngokomzwelo.

Banomuzwa wokuthi ‘baphelelwe uthando’ nabashade nabo, futhi ngokuvamile kunomunye umuntu abangathanda ukuba naye.” 

- URobert Cohen, ummeli wesahlukaniso umakadebona mayelana nezehlukaniso eziqhutshwa ukungathembeki 

Ukwakha kabusha ukwethembana esimweni esinjalo kunzima kakhulu. Eminye imibhangqwana iyakwenza lokhu ngokwethembeka kanye nokwelulekwa okujulile, kodwa eminingi ayikwazi. Kwabaningi, ukukopela kweqa umugqa ophawula ukuqala kokuphela komshado.

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2. Ukungathembeki ngokwezimali

Izinkinga zemali zingenye imbangela ehamba phambili yesehlukaniso, ikakhulukazi uma zihilela ukukhashelwa ngokwezezimali. Kuyinto eyodwa ukulwa nezikweletu ndawonye kanye nokunye okuhlukile uma omunye wabalingani eqoqa izikweletu ngasese, egembula ngemali ayilondolozile, noma efihla imali. Ukukhashelwa ngokwezezimali kunganciphisa cishe ukujula njengokungathembeki ngokocansi. Eqinisweni, izifundo zibonisa ukuthi izinkinga zezimali zidlala indima ebalulekile ezingxenyeni zesehlukaniso. Kodwa akuhlali kukhulunywa ngokuntuleka kwemali. Ngokuvamile kumayelana nemikhuba yemali engahambisani kanye nokuthembana okuphukile okubangelwa ukungezwani okufana nokuthi,

• Omunye umngane womshado angase abe ochitha imali, alahle izizumbulu zemali ezintweni eziwubukhazikhazi, kuyilapho omunye engonga, encinza amasenti.
• Ukungqubuzana ngesabelomali, ukuthenga okukhulu, noma izindleko eziyimfihlo
• Ukucindezeleka kokubhekana nezinkinga zezimali 

Ummeli wezehlukaniso waseNew York uyaphawula, “Ukungafanelani ngokwezimali kuyinkinga evamile lapho umbono womngane womshado wezindleko ezidingekayo uwumbono womunye wokumosha ngendlela engenandaba. 

3. Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa nokulutheka

Umlutha ungalimaza ubudlelwano . Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi utshwala, izidakamizwa, ukugembula, noma okunye ukulutheka, inkinga ivame ukukhula ize iqede ubudlelwano. Umlingani omlutha angase

• Amanga
• Sebenzisa imali yomndeni
• Unganaki izibopho
• Ngisho nokuhlukumeza

Konke lokhu kungaphusha umshado udlule eqophelweni lokuphuka. Ocwaningweni olwanyatheliswa yi- Couple and Family Psychology , cishe ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu zemibhangqwana ehlukanisayo (cishe ama-34%) ikhulume ngokusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa noma utshwala njengesici esibalulekile ekuhlukaniseni kwabo. Izizathu zilula ukuzibona: lapho omunye umlingani ebanjwe umlutha, ukwethembeka kwabo okuyinhloko kuvame ukushintshela entweni noma ekuziphatheni, okushiya omunye umlingani nezingane bezizwa sengathi bacabanga ngemva kwalokho.

Ukwethembana kuyaphela ngenxa yenkohliso nezithembiso eziphulwayo ezivame ukuhambisana nokulutheka. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani ongeyena umlutha angase azizwe engumnakekeli ngaphezu komlingani, noma ukuthi kufanele akhethe phakathi kokulondoloza umshado nokuzisindisa, okwenza kube esinye sezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso.

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Ukuhlukana nokungqubuzana kokuxhumana

Akuyona yonke imishado ephela ngokukhashelwa okukhulu. Eminingi ihlukana kancane kancane ngenxa yezinkinga zokuxhumana eziqhubekayo kanye nezingxabano. Ukuxhumana okunempilo kuyigazi lokuphila kobudlelwano. Ngaphandle kwakho, izinkinga ezincane ziyanda futhi ziholele ekuqongeleleni intukuthelo ebudlelwaneni . Lapho yonke ingxoxo iba yimpikiswano noma lapho abalingani beyeka ukuxhumana ngokuphelele, umshado uba sesimweni esintengantengayo. Ake sibheke lezi zizathu ezivamile zesehlukaniso:

4. Ukungazibophezeli nomzamo

“Savele sahlukana.” “Wayeka ukuzama.” Lezi yizindlela ezivamile zokuziphendulela ezinqubweni zesehlukaniso. Eqinisweni, ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela ngokuvamile kuyimbangela yokuqala yesehlukaniso. Kokunye ukuhlola , abantu abangu-73% abahlukanisile bathi oyedwa noma bobabili abashadile abangenzi umzamo owanele kwakuyimbangela enkulu. Kodwa ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela kubonakala kanjani nsuku zonke? Kungaba lula futhi kube ngathi sína njengokuthatha umlingani wakho kalula.

• Mhlawumbe omunye womshado kancane kancane ubeka umsebenzi, izinto azithandayo, noma abangane kuqala kunomshado
• Bobabili abalingani bawela obishini lokungathandani
• Ukungakhulumisani ngokujulile kungase kuholele ekutheni umbhangqwana uphile ngokuzenzakalelayo njengabantu abahlala nabo

Izenzo ezincane zansuku zonke njengokulalela, ukubonisa uthando , kanye nokuxazulula izinkinga ngendlela ephuthumayo kufana nokufaka imali “ebhange lothando” okugcina umshado ucebile. Lapho lokho kuphela, i-akhawunti yobudlelwano igcina ingenalutho. Njengoba uDkt. John Gottman ephawula ocwaningweni lwamashumi eminyaka, imibhangqwana ehlala iqinile ikhulisa ngenkuthalo isibopho sayo njalo, ikakhulukazi ngezikhathi ezivamile. Ngokuphambene nalokho, imibhangqwana ebheke isehlukaniso ivame ukunganaki futhi ingazinaki izinkinga kuze kube sekwephuze kakhulu.

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5. Ukungqubuzana okweqile kanye nokuphikisana njalo

Uzizwa sengathi yonke ingxoxo nomlingani wakho iphenduka impi? Imishado engapheli, enezingxabano ezinkulu iyimbangela enkulu yesehlukaniso. Kokunye ukuhlola , ama-56% emibhangqwana ehlukanisile athi "izingxabano noma ukuphikisana okuningi kakhulu" kwakuyimbangela eyinhloko yokuhlukana kwabo. Kuvamile ukuthi imibhangqwana ingavumelani, kodwa yindlela enisingatha ngayo ukungezwani okubalulekile. Uma izinkinga ezincane zivame ukukhula zibe yizingxabano zokuklabalasa noma ukubizana ngamagama angcolile , indawo iba yingozi.

Ucwaningo lukaDkt. John Gottman luveza indelelo, eboniswa ngezenzo ezinjengokuhoxisa amehlo, ukuthuka, nokubhuqa, njengesibikezelo esinamandla sokuthi umshado uzophela ngesehlukaniso. Kanye nokudelela, “Abamahhashi Abane” baka-Gottman bokugxeka, ukuzivikela, nokugenca (ukuvala) ngokuvamile bagabavula eduze kobudlelwano obunodweshu. Lapho lezi zindlela ezingezinhle zithatha amandla, ukukhulumisana okukhiqizayo kuyama, futhi kuqala ukucasuka.

6. Ukungakhulumisani kahle

Kanye nokulwa njalo kukhona omunye umbulali wobudlelwano: ukuwohloka kokuxhumana . Akuwona wonke umbhangqwana obhekene nobunzima othethisanayo, abanye bamane bayeke ukukhulumisana nganoma yini ebalulekile. Imizwa ebalulekile iyavalelwa. Izihloko ezinzima ziyagwenywa. Omunye noma bobabili abalingani bayavalwa. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lesi sikhala sokuxhumana sibulala umshado njengenzondo eqondile futhi singenye yezizathu eziyinhloko zesehlukaniso.

Ake ucabange ngomndeni lapho abashadile bekhuluma kuphela ngamashejuli, izikweletu, noma izingane, kodwa bengalokothi mayelana nokwesaba kwabo, amaphupho, noma ukukhungatheka. Lapho kuphakama izinkinga (futhi zihlala njalo), le mibhangqwana ayihlali phansi futhi ixoxe ngayo. Umphumela? Ukucasuka kwakha buthule. Izidingo azihlangabezwanga ngoba azikaze zivezwe. Omunye umngane womshado angase azizwe enesizungu esikhulu noma enganakwa ngaphandle kokuqaphela. Ngenxa yalokho, umbhangqwana uyakhukhuleka ekunqamukeni futhi, ekugcineni, uphumele emnyango. 

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7. Ukuzizwa ungabongwa futhi ungelutho

Isizathu esivamile ngokumangalisayo sesehlukaniso singafingqwa ngokuthi “Awungithandisisi.” Ngokuhamba kweminyaka, umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili bangase baqale ukuzizwa bethathwa kalula. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi zonke izinto ezincane nezinkulu abazenzayo azinakwa noma zilindelwe, ngaphandle kokubonga noma ukutuswa. Lokhu kungase kungabonakali njengokumangazayo njengokukopela noma ukulwa, kodwa ukuzizwa ungabongiwe njalo kungawulimaza umshado buthule. Uzakwethu ozizwa engabalulekile ukhula ecasuke futhi aqhelelane ngokomzwelo. 

Bangase bacabange, “Kungani ngizikhukhumeza ngenxa yomuntu ongaqapheli noma ongakhathali?” Ekugcineni, leyo ntukuthelo ingaba yindawo yokuphuka. Abeluleki bemishado bavame ukuzwa izikhalazo ezinjengokuthi “Ngizizwa ngingabonakali kumlingani wami” noma “Akukho engikwenzayo okwanele.” Lokho kuyizimpawu ezibomvu. Ukuzizwa ngingaziswa kungase kungabi yizihloko “njengembangela” ephawulekayo, kodwa kuyimbangela yezehlukaniso eziningi.

8. Ukukhula ngokwehlukana

Ukuhlukana kuvame ukubalwa phakathi kwezizathu eziphambili zesehlukaniso, futhi kusho ukulahlekelwa kancane kancane kokuxhumana kanye nezithakazelo ezifanayo. Ukusondelana okwakuchaza ubudlelwano kuyaphela, ngezinye izikhathi ngaphandle kokuthi noma yiliphi iqembu liqaphele ngokugcwele kuze kube yilapho buphela. Izinguquko empilweni ezifana nemisebenzi, ukukhula komuntu siqu, ukuba nezingane, kanye nokuthuthela emadolobheni kancane kancane kungafaka abashadikazi ezindleleni ezahlukene. Uvuka ngolunye usuku bese uqaphela ukuthi kuncane okungafani ngakho ngaphandle komlando kanye nekheli leposi.

Imibhangqwana ekhula ngokuhlukana ngokuvamile ichaza ukungabi nesikhathi esihle ndawonye. Iminyaka eminingi, ukusebenzelana kwabo kungenzeka kugxile ezinganeni noma emisebenzini yasekhaya kuphela, futhi bafaka imali encane ekuthuthukiseni ubungane noma ezothando phakathi kwabo. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho iziphazamiso zangaphandle ziphela, laba bantu ababili bayabona ukuthi bangabantu abangabazi. 

Ukukhula ngokwehlukana kungase futhi kube umphumela wezinguquko zomuntu siqu. Umuntu owashada naye eneminyaka engu-22 akafani uma uneminyaka engu-42, futhi ngezinye izikhathi lezo zinguqulo ezithuthukisiwe azihambelani. Ngesikhathi imibhangqwana eminingi iqaphela, ibanga lizwakala likhulu kakhulu ukuba lingahamba, futhi ngokudabukisayo bahlukana, becaphuna ukuthi “asisafani nabantu abafanayo.”

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9. Ukungahambisani kanye nokwehluka okungalungiseki

Isehlukaniso ngasinye sihilela ukungafani, kodwa lapha sikhuluma ngokungavumelani okuyisisekelo, lapho izindinganiso eziyinhloko zabantu ababili , ubuntu babo, noma imigomo yabo yokuphila ingahlangani ngendlela eqhubekayo. Ukungavumelani kungaba ngezindlela eziningi,

• Ukungqubuzana kobuntu, lapho umuntu eyimvemvane yezenhlalo exakile, omunye engowasekhaya, futhi kungekho ongakwazi ukuyekethisa
• Umehluko kumagugu abalulekile njengezindima zobulili, izinkolo, nemigomo yesikhathi esizayo 
• Ukungafani izinto eziza kuqala, lapho umuntu ebazisa khona umsebenzi nesifiso sokuvelela, kuyilapho omunye ebeka phambili isikhathi somndeni
• Imikhuba yempilo efana ne-neat-freak ebhangqwe ne-slob, inati lezempilo nomuntu obhemayo, umuntu ochitha imali onesilondolozi

Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, uthando nokuthatheka kungase kugcwalise le mifantu. Kodwa njengoba iqiniso liqala, lowo mehluko uyavela. Uma igebe likhulu ngokwanele ezintweni ezibaluleke ngempela komunye noma kokubili, umshado uqala ukuzizwa njengokudonselana njalo lapho othile kufanele ayekethise ubuyena bakhe. Lesi isiphakamiso esikhathazayo lapho imibhangqwana ilahlekelwa umuzwa wokuba abalingani beqiniso. Ekugcineni, abaningi banquma ukuthi bahluke kakhulu ukuba bakwenze kusebenze futhi bahlukanise izindlela.

Isifinyezo sokulotshiweyo kwe-YouTube

Le vidiyo ichaza ucwaningo lukaJohn Gottman mayelana nokuthi ukuziphatha okuthile kungabikezela kanjani isehlukaniso ngokunemba okuphezulu. Izimpawu eziyisixwayiso eziyisihluthulelo zihlanganisa ukuqalisa okunonya, “abagibeli bamahhashi abane” (ukuzivikela, ukwedelela, ukugxeka, nokugwazwa ngamatshe), ukukhukhuleka ngokomzwelo, ukucindezeleka ngokomzimba, izinkumbulo ezingezinhle, nemizamo ehlulekile yokulungisa. Umlayezo uwukuthi ukulwa ngokwayo akuyona inkinga—okubalulekile ukuthi imibhangqwana ingaphinde ixhumane futhi ilungise ngemva kokungqubuzana. Empeleni, izimpi eziningi zimayelana nokufuna ukuxhumana, hhayi indaba engaphezulu.

Ukusondelana nokunqamuka kwemizwelo

Umshado onempilo udinga ukusondelana, kokubili ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Lapho lobo buhlobo obuseduze buphela, ubuhlobo bungase buqale ukuzizwa bungenangqondo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi impilo yocansi engagculisi noma engekho noma ibanga elijwayelekile lomzwelo phakathi kwabashadile, lezi zinkinga zivame ukungena kancane kancane kodwa zingabangela ukungajabuli okujulile. Ake sihlole ezinye zezimbangela ezivamile ezihlobene nokusondelana zesehlukaniso:

10. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo

Imishado iyachuma ngokusondelana. Hhayi nje ucansi, kodwa uthando, ububele, nokuzizwa usondelene ngokomzwelo. Lapho ukusondelana kunyamalala, umshado ungashintsha kalula usuke ebudlelwaneni obunothando uye kuhlalisana kaplatonic. Izikhathi ezinwetshiwe ezingathintani nobulili kancane zingashiya oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bazizwa benqatshiwe, bengafiseleki, futhi bekhungathekile, kukwenze kube esinye sezizathu eziphezulu zesehlukaniso. 

Umshado ongenabo ucansi uvamile ngendlela emangalisayo futhi awuyona inkinga njalo uma bobabili abalingani bevumelana ngempela nawo. Kodwa ngokuvamile, okungenani umlingani oyedwa akavumelani nawo. Ukuntuleka kocansi okungapheli kungadala ukungezwani kanye nesizungu okulimaza isibopho. Lowo mlingani angase aqale ukuzibuza ukuthi ngabe yilokho kuphela okukhona, futhi kwezinye izimo angase afune ukwaneliseka kwenye indawo.

Ukuntuleka kokusondelana kungadlulela ngaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Uma imibhangqwana iyeka ukwabelana ngemicabango nemizwa yayo, noma ingalokothi ibe nesikhathi esinenjongo ndawonye, ​​ilahlekelwa “inhlansi” nobungane obugcina uthando luphila. Bangase bahlale ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo kodwa baphile izimpilo ezihlukene zemizwa. Abantu abaningi abadivosayo baveza ukuthi sebephelelwe uthando noma isikhathi eside bengenalo uthando ngabangane babo bomshado. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuntuleka Kothando Nokusondelana Ebudlelwaneni

11. Okulindelwe okungenangqondo

Ukungenela umshado ngezibuko ezinombala obomvu kungenza umbhangqwana udumale. Uma oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani benamathemba angewona angempela ngalokho okufanele kube umshado, iqiniso liqinisekile ukuthi lizohluleka. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokho kudumazeka kungadala inzondo nokuzisola. Eqinisweni, cishe u-45% wabantu abahlukanisile kolunye ucwaningo bathi amathemba angewona angempela ngomshado abe nomthelela ekuhlukaneni kwabo. Amathemba avamile angewona angempela afaka phakathi izinto ezifana nalezi,

• “Umngane wami womshado uzozanelisa zonke izidingo zami, ezingokomzwelo, zezenhlalo, mhlawumbe nezezimali.” 
• “Ukushada kuyohlale kunomuzwa wothando futhi kujabulisa njengalapho sisaqomisana.” 
• Uma lolu ‘kuwuthando lweqiniso,’ akufanele kube nzima noma kudinga umsebenzi.” 

Lezi zinkolelo eziphusile zingqubuzana neqiniso lokuthi umshado awuyona inganekwane eqhubekayo. Ukuphila kwansuku zonke kuletha isithukuthezi, ingcindezi, izikweletu, nokuwasha izingubo ezingcolile, okungezona ncamashi izinto zamahlaya othando. Uma othile elindele uthando olungapheli noma ecabanga ukuthi umlingani wakhe uzoshintsha ngomlingo ngemva komshado, usekuvukeni okungenanhlonipho. Imishado eminingi iyawohloka ngaphansi kwesisindo salokho umuntu acabanga ukuthi kufanele kube yikho uma kuqhathaniswa nalokho eyikho ngempela. 

12. Ukuntula ibhalansi yokuphila komsebenzi

Ezweni lanamuhla elimatasa, "ukushada nomsebenzi" kungalimaza ngempela ukushada nomuntu. Ucwaningo luthole ukuthi imishado nomuntu othanda umsebenzi inamathuba amaningi okuphela ngesehlukaniso. Kungani? Umlingani womuntu othanda umsebenzi uvame ukuzizwa enesizungu, engaxhunyiwe, futhi ehlala endaweni yesibili. Imicimbi ebalulekile yomndeni ayitholakali. Izidlo zakusihlwa, amaholide, ngisho nezingxoxo zokulala ziyaphazanyiswa noma zidelwe ngenxa yomsebenzi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubudlelwano buqala ukuzizwa sengathi buyinto ecatshangelwe kamuva.

Umlingani osebenzayo angase akuthethelele ngokuthi “ngenzela umndeni lokhu,” kodwa lokho akulisusi ibanga elingokomzwelo elidalekile. Lapho umlingani oyedwa engakaze abe “ngaphandle kwewashi,” ukusondelana nokukhulumisana kuyaphazamiseka. Umlingani ongeyena oyisigqila sokusebenza angase athwale yonke imisebenzi yasekhaya kanye neyokukhulisa izingane eyedwa, aqhubekisele phambili ukucasuka. Uma kungashintshi lutho, ekugcineni lokho kucasuka kungaphenduka isinqumo sokushiya. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Ezibuhlungu Zokuthi Umlingani Wakho Uthatha Ubuhlobo Bakho Njengento Engafanele

Izingcindezi zangaphandle nezimo zokuphila

Ngezinye izikhathi izimbangela zesehlukaniso zivela ezingcindezini zangaphandle noma ezimweni zokuphila ezicindezela umshado . Lezi zici zingadala ukungezwani okukhulu ngisho nasembhangqwaneni onezinhloso ezinhle. Ake sibheke ezimbalwa ezivamile:

13. Ukushada usemncane kakhulu

Isikhathi sibalulekile emshadweni. Imibhangqwana eshada lapho isanda kweva eshumini nambili ivame ukubhekana nezinselele ezengeziwe imibhangqwana esikhulile engase izigweme. Kalula nje, lapho usemncane kakhulu, ungase ungazazi ngokugcwele noma ukuthi yini oyifunayo kumlingani wakho. Abantu bakhula kakhulu eminyakeni yabo-20, futhi ngeshwa, eminye imishado ayikwazi ukusinda kulokho kukhula.

Kungani lokhu? Esinye isici esiyinhloko ukungavuthwa, kokubili ngokomzwelo futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngokwezimali. Abasha abasanda kushada bangase bangakabi nawo amakhono okuxazulula izingxabano noma isineke esidingekayo emshadweni. Izinkinga ezincane zingakhula zibe izimpi ezinkulu ngoba, ngokungananazi, intsha kanye nabantu abadala abasebancane bangaba namawala. Ukwengeza, imibhangqwana emisha ivame ukubhekana nezingcindezi zangaphandle njengokuqeda imfundo, ukuqala imisebenzi, nokudonsa kanzima ngokwezimali, konke ngesikhathi esifanayo nokulungisa impilo yomshado. Lokho kuyingcindezi enkulu kubambiswano olusafufusa. 

Njengoba iminyaka iqhubeka, abashadile abashada besebancane kakhulu bangase bathole ukuthi lapho sebezofika eminyakeni engama-20, sebekhule baba ngabantu abahluke kakhulu kunangesikhathi bethi “Ngiyathanda.” Okwakuzwakala sengathi uthando lweqiniso eneminyaka engu-19 kungase kuzwakale kucindezela noma kungafanelani eneminyaka engu-30. Lapho le mishado ihluleka , ngokuvamile kungenxa yokuthi laba bobabili babengakabi namathuluzi noma ulwazi lokuzikhethela umlingani ofanele noma ukubhekana nezivunguvungu zempilo ndawonye.

14. Ukungaboni ngaso linye ngezingane kanye nokukhulisa izingane

Izingane nazo zingaletha ukucindezeleka okukhulu nezingxabano. Kuqala ngesinqumo sokuthi uzoba nezingane nhlobo. Uma umngane womshado oyedwa ngasese noma obala engazifuni izingane futhi omunye ezifuna, lokho kuwukungavumelani okuyisisekelo okungaholela edivosini uma kungaxazululeki. Ngisho noma bobabili bevumelana ngokuba nezingane, ukuhluka kwesitayela somzali kungadala ukungezwani phakathi kwabalingani. 

Imibhangqwana ingase ilwe ngakho konke kusukela ezindleleni zokuyala kuya ekukhetheni imfundo kuya ekutheni izolimaza kangakanani izingane. Lezi zingxabano zingaba zimbi ngoba zithinta izindinganiso nokwesaba okujulile. Akulula nje "ukuvuma ukungavumelani" ngendlela yokukhulisa umuntu enimthandayo nobabili. Uma kungalawulwa, izingxabano zobuzali zingadala umjikelezo wokusolana okuphumela enzondweni evamile.

Okunye okugqamayo yilapho umbhangqwana udonsa kanzima ukuthola abantwana. Ukungabi nabantwana kanye nengcindezi yokwelashwa noma imizamo ehlulekile kunganqamula ngokudabukisayo ubudlelwano obungaqinile. Futhi uma ingane inezidingo ezikhethekile noma izinkinga zezokwelapha, ukungezwani okwengeziwe kungase kuqede imishado ethile. Lapho usuku nosuku luletha ingxabano entsha mayelana nezingane, eminye imibhangqwana igcina inqume ukuhlukana kunokuba iqhubeke nokulwa phambi kwezingane ezama ukuzikhulisa.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinzuzo Ezifihliwe Zesehlukaniso

15. Ukwehluka ngokwenkolo noma kwamasiko

“Uthando lunqoba konke” luzwakala lumnandi, kodwa empeleni, umehluko omkhulu enkolweni noma emasikweni ungafaka ingcindezi enkulu emshadweni. Imibhangqwana yezinkolo ezahlukene noma yezinhlanga ezahlukene ivame ukungena emshadweni ihlonipha ngokugcwele imvelaphi yomunye nomunye. Kodwa-ke, kungavela izingxabano mayelana nendlela yokuphila nokuthi yiziphi izindinganiso okufanele zibekwe phambili. Isibonelo, izinkolelo zenkolo ezahlukene zingase zingqubuzane lapho kunqunywa indlela yokukhulisa izingane:

• Iluphi ukholo, uma lukhona, izingane eziyofundiswa ngalo? 
• Ingabe bazobhapathizwa noma babe ne-bar mitzvah? 
• Imaphi amaholide umndeni ozowagubha, futhi kanjani? 

Uma abangane bomshado bengaboni ngaso linye, kungase kubangele ukungqubuzana njalo ngisho nokucindezela okuvela emndenini. Ukwehluka kwamasiko njengokuvela ezinhlangeni noma ezizweni ezahlukene nakho kungaholela ekungaqondini noma ekungabonini ngaso linye ngezindima, izitayela zokuxhumana, noma okulindelwe umndeni. Isiko elithile lingase lilindele ukuthi umbhangqwana uvame ukwamukela izihlobo noma usekele amalungu omkhaya ngokwezimali, kuyilapho umngane womshado wesinye isiko angase akuthole kuwumthwalo noma kuwumthwalo lokhu. 

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lo mehluko ungadala amandla okuthi “thina ngokumelene nabo”. Uma kungekho muntu ozimisele ukuzivumelanisa nezimo noma wena ongavumelani ngokuyisisekelo ngezindinganiso ezibalulekile zempilo (ezingokomoya noma zesiko), ukungqubuzana kungase kungapheli. Ngokudabukisayo, uthando aluhlali lunqoba ukuhlukana okujulile ekubukeni komhlaba.

16. Ukugxambukela komndeni kanye nezinkinga nabasemzini

Isisho esidala sithi, “Uma ushada nomuntu, ushada nomndeni wakhe.” Kwabanye abashadile, abasemzini noma emndenini omkhulu bangaba umthombo wokucindezeleka oqhubekayo ogcina ubhidlize umshado. Mhlawumbe abazali bomlingani bagxambukela kakhulu, begxeka yonke into kusukela endleleni abaphatha ngayo imali kuya endleleni abakhulisa ngayo izingane. Noma omunye umlingani angase ahlale esondelene kakhulu nabazali bakhe kangangokuthi uhlala ethatha uhlangothi lwabazali kunolwabalingani bakhe. Lezi zimo zingadala inzondo enkulu. Uma imingcele nabasemzini ingabekwa futhi ingahlonishwa, ukuphazamiseka kungaguquka kusuka ekucasukeni kube yinto ephula umshado, okwenza kube esinye sezizathu eziyinhloko zesehlukaniso.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Amathiphu ayi-10 Asebenzayo Okuzihlukanisa Nomkhwenyana Wakho

Izinkinga ezinzima nezingaxoxiswana ngazo

Okokugcina, phakathi kwezizathu eziphambili zesehlukaniso yizona eziphula isivumelwano sobudlelwano esibi kakhulu . Lezi yizinkinga ezivame ukushiya isikhala esincane sokuyekethisa noma ukubekezelelana. Uma lezi zici zikhona, isehlukaniso ngokuvamile asiqondakali nje kuphela kodwa siyadingeka ukuze umuntu aphephe futhi abe nenhlalakahle. Nazi ezinkulu:

17. Udlame lwasekhaya nokuhlukunyezwa

Ukuhlukunyezwa kuyiqiniso elidabukisayo kweminye imishado futhi phakathi kwezizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso. Lokhu kubandakanya, 

• Udlame olungokomzimba, olufana nokushaya, ukuklinywa, nanoma yikuphi ukulimala komzimba 
• Emotional kanye ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi, njengokubukela phansi njalo, ukulawula ukuziphatha, ukusongela, noma ukwesabisa 
• Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi, okuhlanganisa ukudlwengulwa komshado noma ukuphoqwa
• Ukuhlukunyezwa kwezimali, lapho umlingani oyedwa elawula yonke imali nenkululeko

Konke lokhu kwephula ukwethenjwa nokuphepha okuyisisekelo okufanele umshado unikeze. Okudabukisayo ukuthi izisulu eziningi zibekezelela iminyaka yokuhlukunyezwa ngaphambi kokuba zihambe, ngokuvamile ngenxa yokwesaba, ukuncika ngokwezimali, noma ngethemba lokuthi umlingani ohlukumezayo uzoshintsha. Kodwa ngokuvamile, umjikelezo wodlame uyaqhubeka noma uyakhula. Ekugcineni, abaningi bathola isibindi sokudivosa njengendlela yokusinda nesivikelo, ikakhulukazi uma kuhileleke izingane. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Abhekana Ngayo Nokugula Kwengqondo Komlingani Wakhe

18. Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo ezingalashwa

Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo zingafaka ubunzima obukhulu emshadweni, ikakhulukazi uma umuntu ohluphekayo engasiphathi kahle isimo sakhe. Ukuze kucace, ukuba nesifo sengqondo nje akuwubhubhisi umshado. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibhekana futhi iphumelele ndawonye ngenxa yokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, njll., ngokwelashwa nokusekelwa okufanele. Kodwa-ke, uma inkinga yezempilo yengqondo inzima noma ingelashwa, ingadala isimo esingazinzile. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Umngane womshado one-bipolar disorder engelashiwe angase aqhubeke echitha isikhathi esiningi noma aqhume ngolaka phakathi nezigaba zokusangana, bese ecwila ekuhoxisweni okujulile kokucindezeleka amasonto amaningi, ashiye omunye umlingani ehlalele onqenqemeni.
• Umuntu onokucindezeleka okukhulu angase angatholakali ngokomzwelo futhi angakwazi ukufaka isandla ebudlelwaneni noma empilweni yomndeni, aphoqelele umlingani wakhe ukuba athwale yonke imithwalo yemfanelo futhi anikeze ukunakekelwa okuqhubekayo.
• Izinkinga zobuntu ezifana ne-narcissistic noma i-borderline personality disorder zingahlanekezela ngokujulile ukuxhumana nokwethembana, ngezinye izikhathi kuholele ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzwelo noma emaphethini obudlelwane obunesiphithiphithi. 

Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukucindezeleka komngane womshado onempilo kungaba kukhulu. Bangase bazizwe benecala, bedabuke, futhi bakhathele ngokuzama ukusiza abalingani babo, ngokuvamile babekezelele ukuziphatha okulimazayo ngokubuyisela. Uma umlingani ogulayo enqaba ukwelashwa, ephika inkinga, noma uma ukwelashwa kungasebenzi ngokwanele, umshado ungase uwohloke futhi ekugcineni uhlukane.

Ingabe Lezi zizathu Eziphezulu Zesehlukaniso Zingavinjelwa? 

Nakuba ingekho induku yomlingo yobufakazi bedivosi, izinkinga eziningi ezingenhla zingaxazululwa noma zigwenywe ngokuzikhandla. Nazi ezinye izinto ezisebenzayo, ezigxile ezenzweni zabashadikazi abafuna ukuqinisa umshado wabo:

• Faka imali kwezokuxhumana: Kwenze umkhuba ukukhuluma ngempela futhi ulalele oshade naye njalo. Ungavumeli ukukhathazeka kukhule ngokuthula. Cabangela ukwelulekwa ngokwengqondo noma imihlangano yokucobelelana ngolwazi yabashadile ngcono ukuxhumana amakhono ngaphambi kokuba izingxabano zigxile. Ingxoxo evulekile, eqotho ifana nokunakekela umshado wakho. Igcina izinto zihamba kahle
• Setha okulindelekile okungokoqobo: Zikhumbuze ukuthi abukho ubudlelwano obungenasici. Kuzoba khona ukukhuphuka, ukwehla, nezingcezu eziyisicefe phakathi. Ungaqhathanisi umshado wakho nezothando zaseHollywood noma okuphakelayo kwakho kwenkundla yezokuxhumana. Lindela ukuthi kuzofika izikhathi ezinzima, futhi nivumelane njengombhangqwana ukubhekana nazo njengeqembu kunokuba nicabange “ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade” akusho umzamo. Ukugcina okulindelekile kungokoqobo kungavimbela ukudumazeka okuningi
• Phatha izimali ndawonye njengeqembu: Izinkinga zemali kulula ukuzisingatha uma bobabili abalingani behilelekile futhi bebeka obala. Yakhani ibhajethi ngokuhlanganyela, vumelanani ngemigomo emikhulu yezezimali, futhi nibe nokuhlola imali njalo. Ngale ndlela, azikho izimanga ezimbi njengesikweletu esifihliwe. Uma nenza izinqumo zezezimali ndawonye, ​​kwakha ukwethembana. Uma oyedwa noma nobabili ninenkinga yokusebenzisa imali noma isikweletu, cabangani ukubona umeluleki wezezimali. Ungavumeli izinkinga zemali zikhule ekusithekeni
• Yenza isikhathi sokusondelana nokwazisa: Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi impilo iba matasa kangakanani, qopha isikhathi sekhwalithi. Lokhu kungase kube lula njengengxoxo eyimizuzu engu-15 ubusuku ngabunye ngaphandle kweziphazamiso, ubusuku bezinsuku zamasonto onke, noma ukubaleka kwezothando ngezikhathi ezithile. Futhi, bonisa ukubonga nsuku zonke. Nibonge ngezinto ezincane, nincomane futhi nibonise uthando. Ukugcina ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo nangokomzimba kuqinile kuyisihluthulelo “sokufakazela izindaba” umshado wakho. Kukusiza nobabili nizizwe nibalulekile futhi nithandwa ekhaya
• Funa usizo kusenesikhathi ngezinkinga ezibucayi: Uma ubona izimpawu zenkinga enkulu, kungaba ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa, izinkinga zempilo yengqondo, noma ukungqubuzana okungapheli, ungalindi ukuthola usizo lochwepheshe. Imibhangqwana eminingi ibambezela kuze kube yilapho umonakalo omkhulu kakhulu. Ukufinyelela kumelaphi, iqembu labasekeli, noma udokotela lapho kuvela inkinga yokuqala kungavimba inkinga ukuthi ingabhebhetheki. Akulula neze ukuvuma ukuthi umshado udinga usizo, kodwa ukulungisa izinkinga ngokushesha kunokuba kamuva kwandisa kakhulu amathuba okusindisa ubuhlobo.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Isehlukaniso akuvamile ukuba sibe nesizathu esisodwa. Ngokuvamile, kuyinhlanganisela yezinkinga ezakhayo kuze kube yilapho ubudlelwano bungasimama. Ukunquma isehlukaniso kuwumuntu ojulile futhi ngokuvamile kubuhlungu. Kwezinye izimo, isibonelo, ukuhlukunyezwa okuqhubekayo noma ukulutha okuyingozi, ukuqeda umshado kungaba ukukhetha okunempilo kuwo wonke umuntu ohilelekile. Alikho ihlazo ukukuqaphela lokho. Kwezinye izimo, imibhangqwana ingase izibuze ukuthi ngabe ngabe ivimbele ukuhlukana ngokuxazulula izinkinga kusenesikhathi noma ngokuhlukile.

Uma ukufunda lokhu kukwenze wabona izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ebuhlotsheni bakho, ungadangali. Ukuqaphela inkinga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala. Khuluma nophathina wakho, cabangela ukwelulekwa, futhi ukhumbule ukuthi kungani nakhetha omunye nomunye. Okubaluleke kakhulu, yazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Cishe wonke umbhangqwana uyazabalaza ngesinye isikhathi, futhi abaningi baye babuya onqenqemeni lokuqina. Ekugcineni, umshado uwuhambo, futhi nakuba umgwaqo ungase ube namatshe, imibhangqwana ezulazula ezingozini ndawonye ngokuvamile ithola isibopho esijulile ngakolunye uhlangothi. Futhi kulabo abangakwenzi, kukhona ukuphila nokukhula ngemva kwesehlukaniso futhi. Kunoma ikuphi, ukuqonda lezi zimbangela zesehlukaniso ezivamile kuyisinyathelo esiya ebudlelwaneni obunempilo futhi, ngethemba, usizi oluncane lwenhliziyo esikhathini esizayo.

17 Izimpawu Umshado Ngeke Usindiswe

Izinto Eziyisi-8 Ezingabhidliza Umshado

Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zomshado Ongenalo Uthando Nendlela Yokusebenza Kuwo

Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.