Uma uhlezi ezidlekeni zakho ezingenalutho, izingane zahamba ngendiza isikhathi eside, umsebenzi wakho usondela ekupheleni, ucabanga ngohlelo lokuthatha umhlalaphansi, kungokwemvelo ukubheka isikhathi eside, kanzima empilweni yakho. Manje njengoba impilo yakho ingasagxile ekuphishekeleni imigomo nasekuhloleni izinto ezizophuma ohlwini lwezinto zokwenziwa, ekugcineni ungase ube naso isikhathi sokubheka okuphambili nokugejiwe. Kulezi zikhathi zokuzihlola, imibhangqwana eminingi iyabona ukuthi kade ibambekile ebudlelwaneni obungagculisi, futhi izithola igqolozele ukuthi kungenzeka isehlukaniso esimpunga.
Kwabanye, ukungakwazi ukuphinde baxhumane nabashade nabo futhi bazijwayeze nezimo ezintsha zobudlelwano kususa iziphazamiso zempilo ematasatasa abantu ukuthi baqede imishado yabo ngemva kweminyaka engama-20, 30, noma ngaphezulu. Nakuba kungekusha ngempela, izinga lesehlukaniso phakathi kwemibhangqwana engaphezu kweminyaka engu-50 liye lenyuka ngokuqinisekile eminyakeni yamuva, okwenza ukuba kubhekisiswe futhi kuhlaziywe.
Namuhla, sinikela ngamasenti ethu amabili engxoxweni ephathelene nemibhangqwana ehlukana ngemva kwamashumi eminyaka yokuphila okwabiwe. Ngosizo oluncane oluvela kummeli uTahini Bhushan , sihlolisise izizathu zesehlukaniso esimpunga, kanye namathiphu anobungane nawusizo okuthi ungasiqonda kanjani futhi usisebenzise kangcono, uma uhlela noma udlula kuso wena. Kuyini isehlukaniso esimpunga, futhi kusho ukuthini kuwe? Qhubeka ufunda.
Iyini i-Grey Divorce?
Okuqukethwe
UBill noMelinda Gates baba yibo abadala besehlukaniso esimpunga lapho benquma ukuqeda umshado wabo weminyaka engu-27 beneminyaka engu-65 no-56 ngokulandelana. Cishe ubungabona leli gama lisetshenziswa ngemuva kokuhlukana kwabo futhi uzibuze, “Kusho ukuthini isehlukaniso esimpunga?” Libhekisela esimweni semibhangqwana (enezinwele ezimpunga) engaphezu kweminyaka engu-50 ehlukanisayo . Kwaziwa nangokuthi i-silver splitters noma i-diamond divorce.
Ngokuhlukana kukaGates kwafika izindaba eziningi nezibalo ezibonisa ukuthi nakuba bengesinye sezibonelo ezaziwayo kakhulu zokuhlukana okumpunga, ababodwa. Ngokusho kwe -Pew Research , izinga lokuhlukana phakathi kwabantu abaneminyaka engu-50 liye laphindeka kabili kusukela ngo-1990 kuya ku-2015. Olunye ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi abantu abangaphezu kweminyaka engu-50 babesekela kakhulu isehlukaniso ngo-2012 kunango-1994, okubonisa ushintsho olukhulu endleleni yokucabanga ngokuqeda umshado.
Ngakho-ke, ama-baby boomers ukukhetha ukuphuma emishadweni eyathatha amashumi eminyaka akuyona nje into eyenzeka ngokuzihlukanisa, kusekelwe enhlanganisweni eyinkimbinkimbi yezinguquko zamasiko nezengqondo ezenzeka emashumini ambalwa eminyaka. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ubungane obude nempilo yonke yokuphila ngokuhlanganyela kungenza le nqubo yesehlukaniso ibe nzima kakhulu ngokomzwelo nangokwezinto. Ukuzisola kwesehlukaniso esimpunga kanye nezinjabulo zivame ukuhambisana, ngakho-ke akulula neze, ukukhetha okuqondile ukukwenza.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iseluleko Sochwepheshe - Isikhathi Sokuyeka Emshadweni
Izizathu Ezivamile Zesehlukaniso Esimpunga
U-Alice noJasper sebeneminyaka engaphezu kwengu-20 beshadile. U-Alice uneminyaka engu-54, uJasper una-57. Futhi basezinhlelweni zokudivosa. “Ngicabanga ukuthi iningi labangane bethu lalishaqekile,” kusho u-Alice ethukuthele. Umbhangqwana unezingane ezimbili futhi uhlala ekhaya elihle eCalifornia. Sekukonke, zazibonakala ziyisithombe somkhaya ojabulayo, ozinzile.
“Sasingasafanelani,” kuchaza uJasper. “Sashintsha futhi sahlukana, futhi ukuqala inqubo yesehlukaniso kwabonakala kuyindlela efanele nenempilo okufanele siyilandele. Sacabanga ngezinye izindlela esikhundleni sesehlukaniso esimpunga, njengokuhlukana kwecala . Kodwa-ke, ukuhlukana okuhlanzekile kwabonakala kungcono kakhulu.”
Njenganoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukana, ukunganeliseki komuntu siqu nokungajabuli ngokuvamile yizizathu ezivame kakhulu zesehlukaniso esimpunga. Kodwa, njengoba umbhangqwana usukhulile futhi usuchithe ingxenye engcono yokuphila kwawo ndawonye, kunezimpande ezijulile okumelwe zisishulwe futhi ithemba lokuvuselela ukuphila kabusha lingaba nzima. Lokhu ngokuqinisekile kuveza isethi eyingqayizivele yezinselelo kubabhangqwana, nokho, ngezinye izikhathi izizathu zesehlukaniso ezimpunga zizidlula kude izinselele. Ezinye zalezi zizathu yilezi:
1. Isidleke esingenalutho
Uma impilo yakho yonke nobudlelwano bebugxile ezinganeni zakho, uma konke ukusebenzelana, iholide ngalinye lomndeni bekuhleliwe eduze kwazo, kungenzeka ukuthi usuke usesimweni esikahle uma seziphumile endlini. Indlu ayinamuntu, inkulu kakhulu ukuba nine nobabili. Uyabona ukuthi kuncane kakhulu ongakusho komunye nomunye, ukuthi anisanakho okuningi enifana ngakho.
Eqinisweni, mhlawumbe uqala ukubona ukuthi waphelelwa uthando kudala, futhi awukaze uqaphele ngoba wawunabantwana. I- empty nest syndrome ingenye yezizathu zokudivosa ezimpunga ngoba kunzima ukubheka ngaphesheya kwetafula lokudla kwasekuseni kumlingani wakho osengumuntu ongamazi, nsuku zonke.
2. Izizathu zezimali
Kwabesifazane ikakhulukazi, isehlukaniso kungakhathaliseki ubudala kungasho ukwehla okukhulu kwezimali, ikakhulukazi uma beyekile ukusebenza. UTahini uthi: “Ezimweni eziningi, owesifazane uyeka ukusebenza lapho izingane zizalwa, ngakho-ke, kufanele alinde kuze kube yilapho esekwazile ukuhlukanisa nomyeni wakhe.”
Lokhu futhi kuba yisizathu esenza imibhangqwana eminingi ibheke ezinye izindlela esikhundleni sesehlukaniso noma ikhethe ukuhlala emshadweni ongajabuli isikhathi eside. Imali ibalulekile kunoma yimuphi ubudala, kodwa lapho ukhula, kulapho ujwayela khona indlela ethile yokuphila, futhi kulapho udinga induduzo eyengeziwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma izingane sezikhulile, ukunakekelwa kwezingane akuyona into ebaluleke kakhulu uma izindleko zasekolishi sezilungisiwe.
Kunoma ikuphi, imali iba yinto ebalulekile lapho umbhangqwana ucabangela isehlukaniso kunoma yisiphi isigaba sokuphila. Kodwa-ke, uma bobabili abashadile bezimele ngokwezimali futhi bazi ukuthi ukukhokhelwa kwesehlukaniso ngeke kuphele emalini abongele umhlalaphansi, kuba lula ukukhetha inkululeko nenjabulo kunokuhlala emshadweni ungajabulile esikhathini esizayo.
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3. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba
Ukwehla kocansi kanye nesifiso socansi kuvamile ngokweminyaka, kodwa masingakhulumi nje - baningi abantu abaneminyaka engu-50 abenza ucansi futhi belujabulela. Kodwa-ke, uma kungekho ukusondelana nhlobo, kungaba yingozi emshadweni, ikakhulukazi uma isifiso sobulili somlingani oyedwa sisasebenza.
“Ngemva kweminyaka engu-50, umshado uthambekele ekubeni ubungane kakhulu kunobulili, okungenani ezimweni eziningi esengike ngazibona,” kusho uTahini. “Sengikushilo lokho, uma izidingo zomngane womshado zinganakekelwa, ingozi yokungathembeki iyanda.” Lapho izindaba ezinjengokondla izingane nokuvikela izingane ekuhlukumezekeni okungokomzwelo kwesehlukaniso sabazali zingaseyona isici, umbhangqwana ungase uthole izizathu ezimbalwa futhi ezimbalwa zokubeka i-facade yomkhaya ojabulayo.”
Ukuphinga akusona kuphela isizathu sokubhidlika komshado, khumbula, kodwa kusho ukuthi usuphelelwe isithakazelo kumlingani wakho futhi lokho kube yizizathu zesehlukaniso neminyaka yonke. Ngakho-ke, impendulo eyodwa yokuthi “kungani imibhangqwana esekhulile ihlukanisa” kungaba ukuntula ukusondelana ngokomzimba.
4. Izingane zikhulile
UTahini uthi: “Kunemishado efile ngenxa yazo zonke izinhloso nezinjongo futhi abashadile balindele nje ukuthi izingane zibe neminyaka engu-18 kuphela,” kusho uTahini, “esimweni esingaba ngu-70% samacala edivosi engiwabonile, lona wesifazane wayekhathele futhi elindele ukuthi izingane zikhule ukuze kungadingeki ukuba abe umama ongayedwa futhi akhulise ingane ngaphandle kokucwaswa kwekhaya eliphukile.”
Lapho izingane sezifinyelele iminyaka lapho kunokuqonda okukhulu nokuvuthwa, imibhangqwana ingase izizwe ikhululeke kakhudlwana ukuqalisa inqubo yesehlukaniso. “Kukhona ngisho nezimo lapho izingane ziye zangitshela ukuthi zifunela abazali bazo isehlukaniso, futhi ngiye ngaba namadodana eza kimi athi ngifuna isehlukaniso sikamama,” uyanezela.
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5. Umhlalaphansi
Iminyaka yokuthatha umhlalaphansi ikhombisa ushintsho olukhulu empilweni okungeyena wonke umuntu ozimisele ukubhekana nalo. Kusho ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi ekhaya ninobabili kunangaphambili. Imibhangqwana eminingi ikuthola kunzima ukubhekana nakho.
ULena uthi: “Umyeni wami, uPaul, wathatha umhlalaphansi eneminyaka engu-65, futhi ngajwayelana naye ngaphandle komfana owayesebenza amahora angu-8 ngosuku, ngabona ukuthi ngangingamazi noma ngingamthandi umfana okwakudingeka ngichithe sonke isikhathi sami naye.
Ukuphatha umhlalaphansi kanye/noma ukuphatha umlingani osethathe umhlalaphansi kungaba umsebenzi onzima futhi kube yisipikili sokugcina emshadweni. Kulesi simo, kungaba ngcono ukuhlukana lapho usukhulile kunokuchitha iminyaka yakho yegolide nixabana futhi nilwa nsuku zonke. Ukusebenzelana nomyeni noma umkakho ongazethembi , usuku nosuku, kungaba nomthelela omubi ngokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, cabanga ngokucophelela ngezinkinga zesehlukaniso ezimpunga uma uqhathanisa nomthwalo wokuhlala ndawonye ukuze ufinyelele esinqumweni esifanele.
Izinkinga Zesehlukaniso Ezimpunga Okuzocatshangelwa Ngaphambi Kokwenza Isinqumo
Imishado yesikhathi eside kunzima ukuphuma kuyo. Njengoba nichithe amashumi eminyaka nindawonye, izimpilo zenu zingathandelana kakhulu kangangokuthi ungase ungazi ukuthi ungaqala kuphi ukuzihlukanisa. Ukukhetha phakathi kokungahlaliseki kokuhlala emshadweni ungajabulile kanye nethemba elivusa amadlingozi kodwa elijabulisayo lokuqala kabusha kungakushiya udabukile. Uma uzithola ukufoloko enjalo emgwaqeni, kubalulekile ukukala izinketho zakho ngokucophelela ngaphambi kokwenza ukukhetha.
Nakuba izinga lesehlukaniso phakathi kwemibhangqwana esikhulile lingase likhuphuke futhi abaningi kungenzeka bathole injabulo ngokuphuma emishadweni yesikhathi eside, udinga ukuthola ukuthi lesi yisinqumo esingcono kakhulu kuwe. Zibuze, ingabe ngempela uyasifuna isehlukaniso? Ingabe usukulungele ukuphila ungashadile useminyakeni yakho engama-50 noma ngaphezulu? Ungathanda yini ukuzifaka echibini lokuthandana nabantu abadala ngesikhathi esithile noma ufuna ukwamukela ukuhlala ungashadile izinsuku zakho ezisele?
Uma ukwehlukana kubonakala kuyisinqumo esifanele, ingabe ukuhlomele ukubhekana nezinselele zezimali endleleni? Uyakudinga ukwesekwa komlingani/uhlomele ukukunikeza? Ingabe unokusekela okwanele ngokomzwelo ukuze uqede isehlukaniso? Imibuzo okufanele uyiphendule ngaphambi kokuthatha lesi sinyathelo ingapheli. Nokho, nazi izinkinga ezimbalwa zesehlukaniso ezimpunga okufanele uzifake esinqumweni sakho:
- Imithombo yemali engenayo: Uzoziphilisa kanjani ngemva kwesehlukaniso? Noma ngabe ubuzimele ngokwezimali impilo yakho yonke, amathuba emali oyitholayo kwabangama-50 angahluka ngokuphawulekayo kulokho ayeyikho eminyakeni engu-30 noma engu-40. Kungenzeka ukuthi usufinyelele inani eliphakeme lomsebenzi wakho. Ingabe unokwanele ukuze uphile kuzo zonke izinsuku zakho?
- Izinzuzo zokuthatha umhlalaphansi: Ukudivosa kuzobathinta kanjani izinzuzo zakho zokuthatha umhlalaphansi? Izizathu zesehlukaniso zingase zibe nemizwa kodwa kufanele ucabangele izici ezingokoqobo ezifana nemiphumela yako kuma-401(K) akho kanye nama-IRAs. Ingabe ukusika iqanda lesidleke sakho phakathi kuzodla ekuncishisweni kwentela? Ingabe uzoba nokwanele ukuze uhambe ngokunethezeka? Ingabe wena nomngane wakho womshado nisekhasini elilodwa mayelana nendlela yokubhekana nalezi zici zesehlukaniso?
- Ukuhlukanisa amafa akho: Uma ushadile isikhathi eside, kuba nempahla eningi eningase nibe nayo. Ngaphandle uma kukhona a isivumelwano sangaphambi komshado endaweni echaza ukuthi ubani othola ini uma kwenzeka isehlukaniso, udinga ukuthola indlela engcono kakhulu yokuhlukanisa impahla, ama-akhawunti asebhange, nezinye izimpahla. Ukusebenza nomhlaziyi wezezimali wedivosi onesitifiketi kungaba usizo kakhulu ekufinyeleleni esivumelwaneni esizuzisa ngokufanayo.
- Ezempilo: Ngokuphila isikhathi eside esikhathini sanamuhla, ungase ubheke ukuchitha isilinganiso seminyaka engamashumi amabili njengomuntu ohlukanisile uma uhlukana nomuntu oshade naye eminyakeni engu-50. Hhayi nje noma imaphi amashumi amabili eminyaka kodwa isikhathi ekuphileni lapho impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo izoqala ukuwohloka. Ingabe unayo indlela yokubhekana nalezi zinselele ngaphandle komlingani wakho wokuphila eceleni kwakho?
- Umndeni nezingane: Kuyavunywa ukuthi awunalutho manje futhi izingane zakho zonke zingabantu abadala nezinempilo yazo. Noma kunjalo, isehlukaniso sabazali akulula neze ezinganeni, kungakhathaliseki ubudala bazo. Ingabe uke wacabanga ngomthelela emndenini wakho noma wantanta umqondo nezingane zakho ukuze ulinganise impendulo yazo?
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Amathiphu angu-8 Okusinda Esehlukaniso Esimpunga
Ngisho noma ulinganise zonke izinzuzo nezingozi, waqasha ummeli womthetho womndeni, waphuma, futhi wabeka inqubo yesehlukaniso, ukuvuma ushintsho olukhulu kangaka akulula. Ukwembula umshado nokuphila okwabelwana ngakho iminyaka eminingi kuhlale kubuhlungu futhi kungcolile. Ngeza kulokhu ukuthi usukhulile futhi cishe awufuni ukubhekana nawo wonke amaphepha, futhi ungase usebenzise usizo oluncane lokuzulazula isehlukaniso sakho. Nawa amanye amathiphu wokukuqeda ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa umqondo futhi uqiniseke ukuthi awugcini ngokuzisola ngesehlukaniso esimpunga:
1. Yiba nemithetho yakho endaweni
“Ngangineminyaka engu-52 lapho ngithola ukuthi umyeni wami unemizwa ngomunye wesifazane . Ekugcineni wangishiya, futhi ngokweqiniso, ngamangala kakhulu futhi ngashaqeka, ngangingakwazi ukucabanga ngalokho engangikufanelekela ngokwemali yesondlo sesehlukaniso esimpunga. Ngangingazi nokuthi indlu yayibhalwe ngamagama ethu noma eyakhe kuphela noma ukuthi singahlukanisa kanjani impahla nezinye izimpahla,” kusho uJill oneminyaka engu-60 ubudala.
Ngenhlanhla, ummeli womndeni ayemqashile wamenza wahlala phansi wabhekana nezinto. “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izinto zimbi kangakanani, senza umbhangqwana uhlale phansi ulungise,” kusho uTahini. “Ezimweni eziningi impahla iba segameni lomyeni kuphela futhi akafuni ukuyiyeka, uma inkosikazi isinesikhathi eside ingasebenzi, kuba nomuzwa wokuthi umyeni unelungelo, kube sengathi akanalutho ngempela ngoba nguye owakhokhela zonke.
Ungase ungabe usadinga ukulwela ilungelo lokukhulisa izingane uwedwa noma ngokuhlanganyela, kodwa qaphela amalungelo akho angokomthetho njengokwesekwa komngane womshado, isondlo, izinzuzo zokuvikeleka komphakathi okwabelwana ngazo, njll, zitholele ummeli osekhoneni lakho futhi ungavumeli ukudabuka kwakho kukuphuphuthekise kukho konke okunye.
2. Hlela izimali zakho
Imali ibalulekile ngisho nalapho ubuhlobo buqinile, futhi ibalulekile uma uqeda umshado weminyaka eminingi kangaka. “Hlala phansi futhi ucabange ngempahla yakho ngokucacile,” kweluleka uTahini, “Dweba amaphepha afanele futhi uhlukanise ngokulinganayo ngangokunokwenzeka.”
Yenza uhlu lwamafa nokutshalwa kwezimali, futhi ubone ukuthi yini eyabiwe nokuthi yini okwakho kuphela. Kungase futhi kube umqondo omuhle ukubonana nomhlaziyi wezezimali wedivosi onesitifiketi ukuze uhlole ukuthi ungazinqoba kanjani izinselele zezimali uma zikhona. Qinisekisa ukuthi umshwalense wakho wezempilo, isikhwama sekolishi lezingane, njll sikhona nokuthi unendawo eyanele yokuhlala uma kwenzeka ungayitholi indlu.
Sithembe, uma wazi ukuthi izimali zakho zilungisiwe, uzokwazi kangcono ukwelapha nokubheka ezinye izinto. Musa ukungcwaba ikhanda lakho esihlabathini uma kuziwa ezindabeni zemali, ufanelwe ukucaciseleka kanye nalo lonke iqiniso., futhi mhlawumbe ne-alimony yedivosi empunga. Ukusinda esahlukaniso esimpunga kungase kungabi kuhle, kodwa kudingeka kusebenze.
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3. Thola umphakathi wakho
“Uma ubhekene nesehlukaniso esimpunga, cishe usenkathini lapho abazali bakho bengasekho noma sebebadala kakhulu ukuba bangakusekela kakhulu.” Uma unezingane zakini, lokho kuyisimiso sokusekela, kodwa nazo, ziyoba nokuphila kwazo siqu.” Ngakho-ke, umbuthano wabangane oqinile, obumbene, uba obalulekile,” kusho uTahini.
Uhlelo lokusekela oluqinile nolunothando lubalulekile ukuze uhlale uphilile engqondweni ngesikhathi sesehlukaniso . Ubhekene nezinguquko ezinkulu empilweni futhi uzodinga abantu abakuzungezile. Ngethemba ukuthi wakhe inethiwekhi enhle yabantu abakwaziyo futhi abazohlala bekusekela. Xhumana nabo futhi ubavumele babe lapho ukuze bakusize. Ukusinda esehlukaniso, kungakhathaliseki ubudala, akulula. Udinga abangane, ngakho ungabavaleli abantu.
Uma unomuzwa wokuthi abantu osondelene kakhulu nawe abakwazi ukuhlobana nalokho obhekene nakho, cabanga ukujoyina isehlukaniso ngemva kwamaqembu okusekela angu-50 endaweni yakini noma ku-inthanethi. UJill uyasitshela, “Ukucosha izingcezu zokuphila kwami ngemva kwesehlukaniso engingazange ngikubone kwakungelula. Ngenxa yokuphelelwa ithemba, ngaqala ukufuna amaqembu asekela isehlukaniso eduze kwami, futhi lomphakathi obumbene wabantu bonke abaye baba nokuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo waba amandla ami okuqhubeka.”
4. Thembeka ezinganeni
Ukuba nezingane zakho ekhoneni lakho noma okungenani ugibele ngomcabango wedivosi yakho kungenza kube lula kuwe ukuqhubekela phambili. UTahini uthi: “Izingane zakho kungenzeka sezikhulile futhi zazi konke ngesehlukaniso.” Futhi yebo, mhlawumbe impilo yazo engokwengqondo ngeke ithinteke kangako.
Landela umthetho wokuthi ungalokothi ukhulume kabi umlingani wakho ezinganeni zakho kodwa uthembeke kuzo. Batshele ukuthi izinto azisebenzi, futhi udinga ukuzitholela indlela ehlukile. Iba nengxoxo nomlingani wakho uma kungenzeka. Ngezingane esezikhulile, kulula futhi ukuchaza ukuthi oyedwa noma nobabili nizothola umlingani omusha ngesikhathi esithile.
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5. Ngemva kwesehlukaniso esimpunga, buyela emsebenzini
Kungaba ngenxa yezizathu zezimali, ukungena esimisweni, noma ukukugcina umatasa. Uma usuthathe umhlalaphansi noma uphumile emsebenzini isikhathi eside, ukufaka izinzwane zakho emuva kungaba usizo olukhulu futhi kungasiza ekwehliseni noma yikuphi ukuzisola kwesehlukaniso esimpunga. Ngisho noma izinzuzo zakho zokuvikeleka komphakathi kanye nezinzuzo zomhlalaphansi zanele ukuthi ukwazi ukuziphilisa, ukuba nomsebenzi kunganikeza impilo yakho entsha isakhiwo nenjongo ethile.
"Ngangiwuthisha wesiNgisi ngokugcwele ngaphambi kokuba sibe nezingane, ngabe sengisiyeka. Ngesikhathi ngidivosa, ngangineminyaka engu-55 kodwa ngangisakuthanda ukuxoxa izindaba futhi izincwadi kwakuyinto engangiyithanda kakhulu. Ngaqala ukubamba itoho emtatsheni wezincwadi wasendaweni yangakithi. Ngahlela ukufundwa nemicimbi emincane yokubhala futhi ngenza iklabhu yezincwadi. Yayigcwaliseka ngendlela emangalisayo futhi yangenza ngaba nenjongo ngempela," kusho uSuzanne.
Akudingeki ubuyele emuva emavikini angamahora angu-40. Eqinisweni, ungavolontiya ngisho nasesikhungweni sokukhosela uma ezezimali zingeyona inkinga. Futhi, uma ungakhathazeki ngemali, manje usungakwazi ukusebenza kulokho okuthandayo. Impilo ngemva kwesehlukaniso idinga ukuba yinto ebalulekile futhi ethakazelisayo, lena kungaba yindlela eyodwa yokwenza lokho.
6. Funda ukuba wedwa
Usube umngane womshado nomzali iminyaka eminingi kangaka, futhi manje, wena nje. Abangani bakho nesistimu yokwesekwa bakhona, kodwa kubalulekile ukuthi ufunde nokuba wedwa. Cishe awukachithi isikhathi nawe isikhathi eside futhi kuzokwesabeka futhi kube nesizungu ngezinye izikhathi.
Kunzima ukuzibona uhlukile ezindimeni zomlingani, umzali, ilungu lomndeni, njll., izindima osuzibambe isikhathi eside kangaka. Kodwa njengoba lesi sahluko esisha sempilo yakho siqala, ukuchitha isikhathi wedwa nokufunda ukukhululeka ngaso kubalulekile. Hamba ngezinyawo, uhambe wedwa , noma uzikhiphe uyokwenza ama-date. Lesi yisikhathi sokuzazi kabusha. Futhi qagela ukuthi, uzojabula kakhulu ukukwenza!
7. Funa usizo
Usizo lochwepheshe luhlala luwumqondo omuhle uma kwenzeka izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni. Isehlukaniso esimpunga nakanjani siwela kulesi sigaba, futhi akukho okungcono kunendlebe engakhethi ukukuzwa. Ukwelulekwa ngesehlukaniso kungakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nanoma yikuphi ukungazethembi, ukudideka, noma isizungu ongase ubhekane naso.
“Angicabangi ukuthi amadoda esizukulwane sami akhululekile kakhulu ngokwelashwa,” kusho uRaul oneminyaka engu-58 ubudala, ngenhlonipho. “Kodwa indodakazi yami yangenza ukuthi ngiyobonana nomelaphi ngemva kwesehlukaniso sami, futhi kufanele ngisho, kumnandi ngempela ukuba nendawo ephephile lapho kwakungadingeki ngimamatheke noma ngibe nesibindi.
Akukho ukucasha ekwelashweni, futhi lokho kuyinto engcono kakhulu ongazenzela yona njengamanje. Ngisho noma ukuphela komshado wakho sekuyisikhathi eside kuza, noma ngabe uzizwa sengathi kuwumthwalo osindayo emhlane wakho, kungumqondo omuhle ukufuna usizo nokuxoxa ngezinto nochwepheshe. Uma ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobolog y balapha ukukusiza.
8. Gxila ekuqhubekeleni phambili
“Ngisathola ukuthi kulula ngendoda ukuqhubekela phambili ngemva kwesehlukaniso esimpunga,” kusho uTahini, “Ingase ithole owesifazane osemusha noma ibe u-sugar daddy, kodwa kunzima ngowesifazane ongashadile oneminyaka engu-50 ukuba aphinde athole uthando nokwethenjwa.”
Kuyiqiniso ukuthi isehlukaniso sisaqhubeka nokucwasa abesifazane, ikakhulukazi uma sifika eminyakeni ethile, izinga lesehlukaniso liyakhuphuka noma kunjalo. Kodwa abesifazane, ningalokothi nilahlekelwe inhliziyo! Uma uvulekele othandweni olusha, maningi amathuba okuthi uzoluthola. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi ukuqhubekela phambili akukhona nje ukuthola ubudlelwano obusha.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Iseluleko Esingcono Kakhulu Sesehlukaniso Kwabesifazane
Mhlawumbe uzothola induduzo lapho uwedwa, iphrojekthi entsha, noma iqembu elidala, elinethezekile labangane. Mhlawumbe ukuqhubekela phambili, kuwe, kubukeka njengeSonto ntambama elithulile lapho ufunda futhi ulale ngaphandle kokukhathazeka noma imicabango ye-ex yakho. Noma mhlawumbe kubukeka sengathi ukufa izinwele zakho zibe nsomi futhi uye ezweni elisha. Mhlawumbe ukuqhubekela phambili nguwena nje.
Isehlukaniso esimpunga sisho isenzakalo sokushintsha kwesimo lapho abantu bekholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka ukuqala kabusha kunoma isiphi iminyaka nanoma yisiphi isigaba sempilo. Lapho kulungile ukuthi, “Lokhu akusebenzi”, noma ngabe senineminyaka engu-20 nindawonye. Kulowo mbono, kucishe kube nethemba kunokuba kucindezele. Ngakho-ke, ungavumeli ukuzisola nokuthi yini-uma kwenzeka ikudle, yamukela ukukhetha ozenzele kona, futhi ugxile ekwakheni impilo engcono.
Lesi sihloko sabuyekezwa ngoNovemba 2022.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Usazibuza, kungani imibhangqwana esekhulile ihlukanisa? Nokho, isehlukaniso esimpunga sesivame kakhulu kule minyaka embalwa edlule, njengoba abantu manje bakholelwa ukuthi kungenzeka ngokwezimali nangokomzwelo ukuqala kabusha ngemva kweminyaka engu-50. Abanye baze bakholelwe ukuthi kungcono ukukhetha ukulinda zize zikhule izingane bese ufaka isehlukaniso.
Njenganoma yikuphi ukuhlukana, isehlukaniso esimpunga singagwenywa ngokukhulumisana okuhle futhi senze umzamo wokugcina ubuhlobo busha futhi buphila. Kodwa-ke, uma uthando nokufanelana sekuphelile ngokuphelele, asikho isidingo sokuqhubeka nomshado okwenza ungajabuli. Ukusinda edivosini akuyona into elula kodwa kuyawuhlula umshado omuncu ezikhathini eziningi.
Ungakhetha ukuhlukana kwesilingo esikhundleni sokuzibamba ngokuphelele. Mhlawumbe unikeze izinyanga ezintathu ubone ukuthi kuzohamba kanjani. Ungakhetha futhi ukwelulekwa ngomshado ukuze uzame ukuxazulula izinkinga zakho noma uzame umshado ovulekile, lapho izidingo zakho zihlangatshezwa ngaphandle komshado, kodwa umshado uhlala usegameni.
Isizungu Ngemva Kwesehlukaniso: Kungani Amadoda Ekuthola Kunzima Kangaka Ukubhekana Nawo
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
