“Angikholwa ukuthi wakwenza lokho. Yilokho owayekade ekwenza! “Kungani ehlekisa ngalento engiyigqokile namuhla?” “Kungani eba nakho konke? Ngisebenza kanzima kunaye!” "Waphinde wathenga imoto entsha? Kungani ngisabambelele kuyona endala?" Sonke sizithole sinomona ngempumelelo yomunye umuntu, sahlulela kabi abalingani bethu futhi singajabule ngempahla yabangane bethu. Umkhuba noma isenzo sokuzikala wena noma umlingani wakho kwabanye abantu nezimo kubizwa ngokuthi “ugibe lokuqhathanisa”.
Kungani abantu beziqhathanisa nabanye? Akufanele yini sibungaze omunye nomunye ngalokho esiyikho? Ukuqhathanisa phakathi kwempilo yakho noma ubudlelwano nomunye umuntu kuzogcina kukulimaze kakhulu wena nomlingani wakho. Njengoba bethi, “Utshani buhlala buluhlaza ngakolunye uhlangothi.” Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungubani, impilo yomunye umuntu iyohlale ikukhanga kakhulu uma unganelisekile ngaphakathi.
Kungagcina kudala umonakalo kukho kokubili ukuzethemba kwakho kanye nobudlelwane bakho phakathi kwabantu, kuhlanganise nobothando. Uma usuqale ukuqhathanisa okungekuhle kwendlela umlingani wakho aseduze kwakho nendlela owayekade ekhona ngayo, usuvele uvule ibhokisi likaPandora. Ngakho-ke, singayeka kanjani ukulwa nokuqhathanisa? Kungani kwenzeka kwasekuqaleni? Ake sithole.
I-Trap yokuqhathanisa
Okuqukethwe
Uma ubona umuntu ehola ngaphezu kwalokho obucabanga ukuthi uzokwenza manje, uma ubona umuntu enokuthandwa okwengeziwe nabalandeli abaningi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, noma uzwa ukuthi umuntu omaziyo usanda kuzitholela umsebenzi omusha onemali eningi obuwufuna, kuyimvelo yomuntu ukuphenduka ube luhlaza ngenxa yomona.
Nakuba ezinye izimpumelelo zabanye zingase zisigqugquzele ukuthi senze kangcono, cishe njalo zihambisana noku a isikhwele - kanye nokuqhathanisa okungenampilo. Wonke amaphutha oye wawabona kuwena ayakhula, futhi ungase uqale ukungabaza ukubaluleka kwakho. Ugibe olunjalo aluyona into ingxenye ethile yabantu engase ibe lula kuyo, sonke sihalalisela abangani bethu ngemisebenzi yabo emisha enenzuzo ngesikhathi siphinde sicabange ukuthi, “Ngenzani ngempilo yami?”
Ekhuluma ngale ndaba, uDkt. Aman Bhonsle phambilini utshele i-Bonobology ukuthi isicupho sokuqhathanisa senkundla yezokuxhumana singaba nomthelela omubi kanjani ebudlelwaneni bakho. “Ubona ama-akhawunti e-Instagram osaziwayo abashadikazi, enabalandeli babo bonke futhi ngokuzumayo baba “imigomo yobudlelwano.” Imibhangqwana ye-travel vlogging ihlala ibonakala ijabule, imamatheka isusa zonke izinkinga zayo emhlabeni.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuthi Inkundla Yezokuxhumana Ibuthinta Kanjani Ubudlelwano Bakho
"Bachitha izimpilo zabo ezweni la-la-la, belayisha izindaba ezivela emabhishi aseGreece naseCancun, bengenandaba ne-humdrum esibonakala sibhekene nayo. Sonke siyazi ukuthi ukuphila kwangempela akubukeki kanjalo ngempela. Ngezinye izinsuku ukhathele, ngezinye izinsuku uyacasuka. Ngezinye izinsuku awuzizwa umatasatasa ngokukhethekile noma inkundla yezothando awukaze uyibuke lezo zinsuku, futhi lezo zinsuku ze-movie awukaze ubukele i-movie.
“Ubudlelwano ezinkundleni zokuxhumana empeleni kukhona ubudlelwano kuma-steroid. I-reel egqamile, efakwa epuletini ozoyisebenzisa, ikhethwe kakhulu futhi ishintshiwe ukuze yenziwe inambitheke kakhudlwana. Ngenxa yalokho, isimo sethu esijwayelekile siyahlanjalazwa, siba nezinkinga zokwethembana kanye nomhawu futhi lokho esikulindele kugcine kungafezeki.”
Siphila ezweni eligcwele isimo, futhi inkundla yezokuxhumana ibophezelekile ekukhuliseni ukuqhathanisa esikwenzayo nalabo abasizungezile. Sizama ukufanisa izikhathi zethu ezimbi kakhulu nokugqamisa kwazo okuhle kakhulu futhi lokho kugcina kukhinyabeze kabi isimo sethu sengqondo. Ukuqhathanisa phezulu, lapho siziqhathanisa nomuntu esimbona emkhulu, kungagcina kusishiya nezindlela ezikhohlisayo zobukhulu, noma izindaba ezinkulu zokuzethemba.
Isicupho sokuqhathanisa kulula ukuwela kuso, yingakho abantu abaningi bezabalaza ngaso. Ake sizame ukuqonda ukuthi yini esingayenza ukuze siphume kukho, ukuze singagcini sesiqhathanisa ozakwethu namamodeli wokufaneleka esiwabona ku-Instagram.
Ubambekile Ogibeni Lokuqhathanisa? Nakhu Ongakwenza Ngayo
Uma ngempela sinomuzwa wokuthi sithole i-soulmate yethu nokuthi abafani ngempela nanoma ubani nanoma yini, kungani siwela ogibeni lokuhlala senze ukuqhathanisa okungalungile? Ingabe sonke sinezintambo ukuze sibheke abantu ngendlela esibheka ngayo izinketho sithenga ingubo noma izicathulo?
Ekugcineni siyakhathala “ngezicathulo eziphelele”, akunjalo? Ngakho-ke, ingabe nathi siyakhathala ngabalingani bethu? Impendulo yale mibuzo ayilula ngendlela ebesingathanda ukuba ibe ngayo. Ukuqhathanisa abantu, nokho, kulula kakhulu futhi kulula. Okunzima wukugudluza lo mkhuba.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi singase singafuni kangakanani, singagcina siwele ogibeni lokuqhathanisa lenkundla yezokuxhumana futhi siqhathanise ozakwethu nabantu bakudala, noma abantu esibabona ku-inthanethi. Njengoba uTheodore Roosevelt akubeka, “Ukuqhathanisa kuyisela lenjabulo.” Uma uzithola ubambekile ogibeni lokuqhathanisa, nakhu ongakwenza ukuze ubhekane nakho ngendlela efanele:
1. Gxila ekuthuthukeni kwakho
Uhlangana nomngane wakudala ekuhlanganeni kwesikole. Unomzimba omuhle kakhulu, umyeni ocebile ngakuye, futhi kubukeka sengathi akakakagugi nosuku ogcine ukumbona ngalo ebusuku. Unakho konke a indoda ingafuna kowesifazane. Ukusabela kwakho kokuqala kungaba ukuziqhathanisa naye.
Abantu bayaqhathanisa ngokubheka okusebusweni. Lokhu okubonayo cishe kuyiqiniso elingaphelele. Esikhundleni sokuqhathanisa kabi, gxila entuthukweni yakho siqu. Wonke umuntu unohambo lwakhe. Cabanga ngalokhu, esikhundleni sokuzitika ngale ndlela yokucabanga engenampilo esekelwe kulokho ovunyelwa ukukubona ngomuntu, kungani ungamane ugxile kuwena? Esikhundleni sokuba nomona, jabulela ukukhula kwakhe futhi ubonge intuthuko yakho.
2. Bamukele ubuntu bakho kanye nokuhluka kobudlelwane bakho
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uwele ogibeni lokuqhathanisa lokwahlulela umlingani wakho noma wena ngokwakho, thatha isikhashana ume kancane, ucabange ngamandla akho futhi wamukele iqiniso lokuthi wonke umuntu nobudlelwano buhlukile. Izimfanelo zakho namandla akho kukulungiselela impumelelo ezohluka kontanga yakho.
Ngenxa yokuthi babonakala bengabashadikazi abangakaze balwe, akusho ukuthi ubudlelwano babo “bungcono” kunobakho. Ubudlelwano ngabunye buhlukile, futhi ukulwa nokuqhathanisa ngezizathu ezinjalo ezingaqondakali kuwumzamo oyize wokuchaza ukubaluleka kwakho.
Isiqhathaniso sokuthi impilo yomuntu ingcono kuneyakho ingumgodi onogwaja ongafuni ukwehla (ngaphandle uma ufuna ukuba yimpilo yangempela u-Alice In Wonderland). Ungumuntu wakho futhi ukuqhathanisa abantu nawe kuwumbono ongemuhle okhinyabeza ukukhula.
3. Hlonipha isikhathi sakho
Amandla nesikhathi ozosichitha ekuqhathaniseni abantu kungasetshenziswa ngendlela ekhiqiza kakhulu. Uzophushelwa esicupheni sokuqhathanisa futhi kude nezinhloso zakho nezinhloso zakho. Esikhundleni sokumosha isikhathi sakho ngokuba nomona mayelana nemoto entsha kamakhelwane wakho futhi uyiqhathanise neyakho imoto, hlanganyela enjabulweni yabo futhi uhambe ibanga elide nabo. Manje, lokho akuncono kakhulu kunokucabanga ngokweqile ngokuthi ubani ongcono nongekho?
4. Sebenzela ukubonga
Uma uzitika ngokuqhathanisa phezulu, ubheka labo obona ukuthi bakhulu bese uqhathanisa ukuzethemba kwakho nabo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, abanye bangase baqalekise inhlanhla yabo, bafise sengathi ngabe banalokho okwenzayo njengamanje. Iphuzu liwukuthi, zinike isikhathi sokubonga ngalokho osuvele unakho, futhi uyobona ukuqhathanisa ngombono ohluke ngokuphelele.
Bonga ngobudlelwano obujabulisayo nobunempilo obuhlakulele futhi nabugcina. Bonga ngazo zonke izinto onazo, kunokuba uthole isizathu sokulala ngenxa yezinto ongenazo. Amazwi alula, “Ngiyabonga ngomuntu enginguye kanye nekhono enginalo” kungase kube ngokwanele ukulwa nalokho obhekene nakho.
5. Isicupho sokuqhathanisa singanqandwa ngokuzethemba okukhulu
Lapho wamukela indlela obukeka ngayo, lapho uzithanda ngenxa yalokho oyikho, futhi lapho uthanda ubuntu bakho, uzokwamukela ukuhluka kwakho. Ngenxa yalokho, ngeke ukhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi abanye baletha ini etafuleni, ngoba wanelisekile ngobuntu obunikezayo.
Ukuze usebenze kuwe ugqhozu lwakho, udinga ukuthulisa umgxeki wangaphakathi onaye ngaphakathi kuwe. Imicabango efana nokuthi, “Awumuhle ngokwanele, uzohluleka”, “Ngeke ubukeke njengaye,” kufanele ithathelwe indawo ngokuthi, “Ukwazi ukwenza ngaphezu kwalokho owaziyo” noma “Indlela obukeka ngayo iyamangalisa futhi iyingqayizivele kuwena”.
Kungani Abantu Beziqhathanisa Nabanye?
Siphila emphakathini osifundisa ukwahlulela wonke umuntu nakho konke esihlangana nakho. Uma uhamba nje emgwaqeni, umuntu ongamazi obukekayo angakumoyizela, akwenze uzizwe sengathi uyilanga, inyanga, nomkhathi - bese umlingani wakho ebhodla ngokungazelele, aphazamise iphupho lakho lasemini. Ngokuphazima kweso, uzithola usuziqhathanisa kabi phakathi komlingani wakho ophelele nomuntu ongamazi ombone ngokucwayiza nje kweso.
Umbuzo okufanele uwubuze ukuze uzikhulule ogibeni lokuqhathanisa ulula kakhulu - ungayiqhathanisa kanjani impilo yakho yonke noma ubudlelwano nengxenye yempilo yomunye umuntu? Uzothola ukuthi ukunganeliseki kwangaphakathi kuhlale kubangela ukuqhathanisa. Liyini iphuzu lalokhu kuqhathanisa lapho iqiniso lakho lihluke ngokuphelele kwelabo? Iqiniso alihlali lihle kodwa liyakufanelekela, akunjalo? Okungenani, yilokho esizitshela khona.
Kunesisho esidumile esithi, “Ukubonakala kuvame ukukhohlisa.” Nokho, abantu bawela kulokho abakubonayo ngaphandle kokulinda ukulunguza ngemva kwekhethini elikhazimulayo. Uma kunesiphithiphithi ngemuva kwesethi yomdlalo wobuhle obuphelele enkundleni yemidlalo yeshashalazi, iqala ngemiqondo yabantu eyinkimbinkimbi. Kumelwe kube nokungaphezu kwalokho okuhlanganayo. Ukuqhathaniswa phakathi kwempumelelo, izinto ezibonakalayo, abalingani kanye nendlela yokuphila kuvame kakhulu ngoba sifundiswa ukuba sesimweni sokuncintisana njalo. Kodwa qagela ukuthi yini, akudingekile ukuba ube.
Ukuqhathanisa okungekuhle kuwubuthi obuhamba kancane emphakathini. Kunokuba sibe nomona ngomunye nomunye, kungani singakwazi ukubungaza impumelelo yethu? Ingabe lokho akwanelisi kakhulu kunomuzwa ongenalutho wokuba usogibeni lokuqhathanisa? Isinyathelo sokuqala sokugqashula siwukuba nomqondo ongahluleli. Khumbula, uchaza ubudlelwano bakho kanye nezindinganiso zempilo yakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Eziyi-11 Zokuba Nesineke Ebudlelwaneni
Mhlawumbe, kufanele siyeke ukuzehlulela thina kuqala futhi siqale ukufaka abantu esibathandayo kulelo phethini lokungahluleli. Uma ucabanga ukuqhathanisa, yenza kanjalo nawe futhi uzame ukuba ngcono kunomuntu obukade unguye izolo. Indlela yokusingatha ukuziqhathanisa okuphoqelekile iqala ngokungaziqhathanisi nabangane bethu. Umuntu ongachaza injabulo kuwe NGUWE.
Uma siqala ukubheka abalingani bethu njengabantu ngabanye abacabangayo, abaphefumulayo, nabasebenza ngaphandle kwethu, noma abanye, mhlawumbe sizothola ukuthi okuwukuphela kwethu okufanele sibaqhathanise nabo ukuthi babeyilabo ababeyikho esikhathini esidlule, indlela abasiphatha ngayo manje nendlela abayoba ngayo esikhathini esizayo. Ngokufanayo, esikhundleni sokuziqhathanisa nabantu, ziqhathanise nezinguqulo zakho ezedlule. Abantu abazona izicathulo ezingashintshwa ngazo zonke izingubo. Bangabantu ngabanye. Zihlukile. Futhi lokho kubandakanya nawe.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Ngaphandle kweqiniso lokuthi kuwukumosha amandla akho, ukuziqhathanisa nabanye kuholela ekukhuleni kwemizwa yomona, yecala, ihlazo, njll. Kungathatha umonakalo empilweni yakho yengqondo futhi kuthinte impilo yakho yomuntu siqu. Kungumbono omubi futhi ngoba kukwehlisela phansi ohambweni lwakho olubheke ezinhlosweni namaphupho akho.
Gxila emandleni akho, kholelwa kuwena futhi wakhe umqondo ongahluleli. Qonda ukuthi lokho oziqhathanisa nakho mhlawumbe kuyikhava yencwadi yonke yokuphila komuntu. Futhi njengoba kushiwo, “Ungalokothi wehlulele incwadi ngekhava yayo.”
Uma uqhathanisa impilo yakho neziqephu zomunye umuntu, nakanjani uzokhulisa okwakho ukushiyeka futhi uzigxeke kakhulu. Lokhu kungaholela ekuziphatheni kwakho okuhlanekezelwe kanye nokuzethemba okuphansi. Ngenxa yalokho, ubudlelwano bakho phakathi komuntu nomuntu bungahlupheka.
Ngokuqonda ukuthi okubonayo kuyisici esivelele sempilo yomuntu, unganqanda ukuqhathaniswa kwenkundla yezokuxhumana. Ezinye izindlela zihlanganisa ukwakha ukuzethemba okukhulu, ukunciphisa isikhathi sakho ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma ukususa izinto ezikubangelayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuze ungazitholi.
Isiko lokuqhathanisa yilapho siziqhathanisa sodwa ngokusekelwe kumaphrofayili ethu ezinkundla zokuxhumana okuvamise ukuba inguqulo eyihaba yempilo yomuntu.
Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
Esmu tik priecīga, ka pat nespēju izteikt laimi savā sirdī. Ababhali be-Burvestības, kuru satiku tiešsaistē un kura e-pasta adrese ir ([i-imeyili ivikelwe]), man izteica atkalapvienošanās mīlestības burvestību. Un tā patiešām nostrādāja, redzot savu bijušo vīru atgriezušos mājās un atceļot šķiršanos.