Izinto Eziyisi-7 Ezibalulekile Okufanele Uzazi Ngokuqomisana Ngenkathi Nihlukene

Wonke umdlalo wokuqomisana uyakhohlisa njengoba unjalo. Manje cabanga ukuthi izinto zingaba nzima kangakanani uma ucabangela ukuphola kuyilapho uhlukene nowakwakho kodwa ungakahlukanisi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuhlukana bekuvumelana futhi kuvumelana kangakanani, kuyohlale kunemizwa engaxazululiwe kanye nentukuthelo ngowayeshade naye futhi okuphambene nalokho. 

Kuze kube yilapho isehlukaniso sesiqediwe, le mizwa yobutha ayikwazi nje ukuvimbela amathuba akho okwakha isibopho esiqinile nomuntu othandana naye kodwa futhi ingaba nemiphumela engokomthetho. Yingakho kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi ungathandana nothile ngaphandle kokuhlukaniswa ngokomthetho. Ngosizo lommeli uSiddhartha Mishra (BA, LLB), ummeli osebenza eNkantolo Ephakeme yaseNdiya, sizothola konke mayelana nokuthandana ngenkathi ushadile.

Uthi, “Umuntu angaqomisana nomunye umuntu ngemva kokuba ehlukene nomngane wakhe womshado. Kodwa-ke, kungcono kakhulu ukugwema ukuqomisana ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kwecala nangaphambi kokuhlukana ngokomthetho uma uhlala endaweni lapho kungase kukalwe khona ngawe enkantolo. Izifundazwe eziyi-17 kuphela zase-US "azinaphutha". Isehlukaniso esingenaphutha siwukuhlakazwa komshado okungadingi bufakazi bobubi banoma yiliphi iqembu. 

Ungakwazi yini Ukuphola Ngenkathi Uhlukene Nomngane Wakho Womshado?

Isehlukaniso sesivele siyinqubo ekhathazayo engqondweni nasemzimbeni. Iningi labantu alikwazi ukulinda ukuthi isehlukaniso siphothulwe ukuze bakwazi ukuqhubeka nempilo yabo. Abanye baqala ubudlelwano obusha ngisho nangaphambi kokusayina isivumelwano sabo sokuhlukana esisemthethweni ngoba noma ngabe inqubo yesehlukaniso ithatha isikhathi eside kakhulu noma basanda kuhlangana nomuntu omusha futhi abafuni ukuphuthelwa. Kodwa ingabe kubhekwa njengokukhohlisa uma nihlukene futhi ningakahlukani?

USiddhartha uyaphendula, “Cha, akukhona neze ukukopela ngoba senihlukanisile kakade futhi nihlala ngaphansi kophahla oluhlukene. Eqinisweni, abantu abaningi bakhetha ngamabomu ukuqala ukuthandana futhi ngesikhathi esithile ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kwabo nangaphambi kokuba kufakwe isinqumo sokugcina sesehlukaniso. Kodwa-ke, uma bobabili abalingani besahlala endlini efanayo kodwa benamakamelo okulala ahlukene futhi umlingani oyedwa kuphela ocabanga ngesehlukaniso, khona-ke kungahunyushwa njengokungathembeki.”

Imithetho yayo eceleni, udinga futhi uzibuze, "Ingabe usukulungele ukuphola?" Ungaphola uma uzodivosa maduze kuphela uma:

• Ungaphezu komlingani wakho ngokuphelele futhi awuzizwa noma yikuphi ukuxhumana naye
• Awunaso isifiso sokubuyisana nabo
• Ubheke okuhle nokubi kwalokhu kuhlukaniswa unomphela
• Wazi konke ngesondlo sezingane kanye nokwabiwa kwempahla
• Awupholi ukuze udlule kubo, uvale isikhala esingaphakathi kuwe, noma ubenze babe nomona

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Izinhlobo Zokuhlukana 

USiddhartha uthi, "Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi igama elithi ukuhlukaniswa empeleni liyigama elingokomthetho emehlweni omthetho. Ukwehlukana kubhekisela esimweni sobudlelwane osithola ngokusebenzisana nesistimu yenkantolo. Kufanele ugcwalise ngokoqobo enkantolo futhi uye phambi kwejaji ukuze nihlukane ngokusemthethweni." Ngaphambi kokuthi niqale ukuthandana nihlukene, udinga ukwazi ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezintathu zokuhlukana, futhi zingathinta impilo yakho ngendlela ehlukile. 

1. Ukuhlukaniswa kwesivivinyo noma ukuhlukaniswa okungacacile

Ukuhlukana kwesilingo kwenzeka lapho wena nomlingani wakho nibonakala ninezinkinga eziningi futhi nicabanga ngokuthatha ikhefu ukuze ninqume ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu kini kanye nomshado wenu. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, niqala ukuhlala ngaphansi kophahla oluhlukene futhi nicabange kabusha ngobuhlobo. Ngenxa yalokho, ningakhetha izivivinyo zokwelapha imibhangqwana ukuze nisebenze ezinkingeni zenu noma niqaphele ukuthi anikwazi ukwenza kusebenze bese nikhetha isehlukaniso. Uma wena nomlingani wakho nikulesi sigaba njengamanje, kungcono ukubhekana nezinkinga ezimbalwa:

• Indlela yokuphatha ezezimali
• Ukukhulisa abazali ngokubambisana
• Ubani ozohlala ekhaya lomndeni
• Imigomo yokuhlukaniswa njengokuthi uvunyelwe yini ukuthandana nabanye abantu ngalesi sikhathi 

2. Ukwehlukana unomphela

Uma usuvele uhlala ngokwehlukana nowakwakho futhi ungenazo izinhloso zokubuyelana, leso sigaba saziwa ngokuthi ukuhlukana unomphela. Ngaphambi kokuba ufinyelele kulesi sigaba, udinga ukukhuluma nabameli bezehlukaniso futhi uthole mayelana nokuhlukaniswa kwempahla, ukwabelana ngempahla, isondlo sezingane, nokunye. 

3. Ukwehlukana Okusemthethweni

Ukwehlukana ngokomthetho kuhlukile kunokudivosa ngokusemthethweni nowakwakho. Ayilingani nesehlukaniso futhi. Umehluko lapha ukuthi uma nithandana nihlukene ngokusemthethweni, ngeke nimshade lowo muntu. Ungabashada kuphela uma udivosile owakwakho. Kodwa umyalelo wenkantolo onikeza isondlo sengane, ukwabiwa kwempahla nemali yesondlo kuyafana nokudivosa. 

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Izinto Eziyisi-7 Ezibalulekile Okufanele Uzazi Ngokuqomisana Ngenkathi Nihlukene

Ekhuluma ngemiphumela engokomthetho futhi ephendula umbuzo othi, ningaphola ngesikhathi nihlukene, uSiddhartha uthi, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukwehlukana kwenu ekugcineni kuzoholela esahlukaniso noma cha, ukuthandana ngesikhathi sesehlukaniso nangaphambi kokuba isehlukaniso sibe nesethi yayo yezingozi. Uma kungekho ukwehlukana okungokomthetho, usashadile ngokomthetho nowakwakho, futhi ukuthandana ushadile kungase kubangele izingozi ezimbalwa.” Yiziphi lezi zingozi? Thola ngezansi izinto okufanele uzazi mayelana nokuqomisana ngenkathi nihlukene. 

1. Oshade naye angakwazi ukukumangalela ngokukwehlukanisa nothando 

Yebo, oshade naye angakumangalela ngokuphula umshado ngenxa yokuhlukana kothando. Kwamanye amazwe, lokhu kuyicala. Ukuhlukana kothando kuyisenzo sokuphazamisa ubuhlobo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi. Kwenziwa ngumuntu wesithathu ngaphandle kwesizathu. Lesi yisicelo secala lomthetho, esivame ukufakwa kubathandi beqembu lesithathu, esilethwa ngumuntu oshade naye ohlukanisiwe ngenxa yezenzo zomuntu wesithathu.

USiddhartha uthi, “Umngane wakho womshado angamangalela noma ubani ophola naye ngenjongo yokukuhlukanisa nokuthandana, noma akusole ngokuphinga futhi akusebenzise njengesizathu sesehlukaniso. Angasebenzisa futhi lokhu njengendlela yokukhipha isondlo sengane kuwe. Ukuqomisana ngenkathi ushadile kungase kube nomthelela ezinqumweni zecala lelungelo lokukhulisa izingane.

2. Udinga ukuzinza ngokwezimali 

Ngesikhathi sokuhlukana ngokusemthethweni noma sesehlukaniso, ungathola ukuthi ukhipha igazi emalini ngesivinini esikhulu kakhulu kunalokho ongakukhokhela. Lokhu kungabangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu, njengoba uchitha isikhathi sakho esiningi ucabanga ngama-akhawunti asebhange, amafomu entela, kanye nemali engenayo yakho yanyanga zonke kanye nezikweletu. Ingabe unethuba lokuthandana phakathi kwakho konke lokhu? Futhi ingabe isinqumo sakho sokuthandana singathinta umphumela wesehlukaniso sakho futhi sikushiye ucindezeleke kakhulu ngokwezimali?

USiddhartha uyanezela, “Ukuqomisana kungase kube inkinga emacaleni esondlo sezingane kanye nesondlo kwezinye izifundazwe. Inkantolo ibuyekeza iholo kanye nezindleko zomngane womshado ngamunye ukuze uthole ukondla ingane nokusekelwa umngane womshado. Ijaji lingase libuze isithakazelo sakho sothando kanye nomlingani wakho omusha ukuze lithole ukuthi kuyakuthinta yini ngokwezimali.” 

3. Ungamfihli lutho umaqondana wakho omusha 

Imibhangqwana edivosayo akufanele nanini ifihle lutho kubalingani bayo abasha. Isehlukaniso sesivele sikhathele. Ukuba nomuntu othandana naye ongazi lutho ngesehlukaniso sakho kungenza izinto zibe nzima nakakhulu. Ungaziqambi amanga kuwe, oshade naye, kanye nomlingani wakho omusha, ikakhulukazi uma uhlala endaweni yomlingani wakho omusha. 

Uma unezingane futhi usunqume ukuba nabantwana ndawonye , ​​​​kuyoba kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi umlingani wakho omusha azi. Ngaphandle kwalokho, kungaba nomthelela omubi kakhulu kubo. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukuqala ukuthandana nomuntu omusha ngokusobala nangomthwalo wemfanelo. Lokhu kuzosiza ukuba baqonde isimo sakho ngendlela enozwela kakhudlwana.

4. Cabangela kabusha ukusondelana ngokomzimba nowayeshade naye

USiddhartha uthi, “Kunezinkinga zocansi ezingaba khona okudingeka zicatshangelwe ngaphambi kokuqhubeka nokuthandana nomuntu ngesikhathi sokuhlukana kwenu. Udinga ukucabanga ngokuthi usazolala nomlingani wakho noma cha. Abanye abantu basahlangana ngezikhathi ezithile phakathi nalokhu kuhlukana. Ngisho noma ningabonani nhlobo, ningase nibe nezinhlelo zokuzama ukubuyelana , kuye ngokuthi izinto zihamba kanjani. Uma wazi lokhu, kungase kungabi ukuhlakanipha ukuqala ukulala nabanye abantu.”

Uma kunobudlelwano bocansi obuphindiwe phakathi kwakho nowakwakho, akunzima ukubona ukuthi kungenza izinto zibe nzima kanjani nomlingani wakho omusha ngaphandle uma wonke umuntu othintekayo azi ukuthi yini futhi wamukela isimo njengoba sinjalo. Noma kunjalo, lapho imizwa iphonswa kungxubevange, ama-dynamics angaba nzima kakhulu. Lokhu angeke kuthinte umphumela wesahlukaniso sakho kodwa nobudlelwano bakho obusha bezothando. 

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5. Izinto okufanele uzazi mayelana nokuqomisana ngenkathi nihlukene — Udinga ukwelapha ngokomzwelo 

U-Siddhartha uthi, "Kungaba ngcono uma futhi ucabanga ngokuthi uzinzile yini ngokomzwelo ngokwanele ukuba uphole nanoma ubani okwamanje. Ukwehlukana nomngane wakho womshado noma umlingani wakho cishe kuzokufaka esimweni esingavamile somzwelo. Ungase uzizwe ukhathazeke kakhulu noma wethukile ngalokho okwenzekayo. Abanye abantu baze bazizwe bendikindiki phakathi nezimo ezinjengalezi. Kunoma ikuphi, uhlangabezana kangcono nezinkinga lapho ungezwani kahle."

Ngakho-ke, uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Ngingathandana yini ngihlukene ngaphambi kwesehlukaniso?”, impendulo ithi, yebo, uma usupholile ekucindezelekeni kwangemva kokuhlukana futhi ungasebenzisi lolu suku lokubuya ukuze uthuntubeze imizwa yakho. Uma unezingane, kubalulekile ukucabangela ukuthi zikulungele yini ukuthi nithandane ngenkathi nihlukene nomlingani wakho. Phela, kuyisenzakalo esibuhlungu nakubo. Ukuthandana nishadile kodwa nihlukene ngeke kubhekwe njengokuphinga kodwa izingane zakho zingase ziphatheke kabi ngemva kokuthola ukuthi abazali bazo sebethuthile futhi awekho amathuba okubuyisana.

6. Gwema ukukhulelwa 

Ukukhulelwa ngenkathi nihlukene kungase kube elinye izinga lokudlela. Uma ukhulelwa, inkantolo ingamisa inqubo yesehlukaniso kuze kube yilapho kuzalwa umntwana. Umuntu ozala umntwana kufanele aveze ubufakazi bokuthi umlingani wakhe akayena uyise wengane engakazalwa. Lokhu kungenza isimo esivele sikhokhiswa intela sibe nzima kakhulu ngokuhlolwa kwe-DNA nemibuzo yobubaba ephonswe kule ngxube. Ngisho noma uya ocansini ngesikhathi nahlukene, qaphela kabili futhi wenze ucansi oluphephile ngaso sonke isikhathi. 

7. Lungiselela izingane zakho kulolu shintsho olukhulu

Uma kukhona umuntu ozothinteka kakhulu isehlukaniso sakho njengawe, uma kungenjalo kakhulu, ngumntwana wakho/abantwana bakho. Ukuphila kwabo kuzoshintsha unomphela, futhi kubo, kungaba yinto eyesabekayo. Uma umlingani omusha engena kule nkinga, kungenza ukungazethembi kwezingane zakho kukhuphuke kakhulu. Ngisho noma unquma ukuthandana, qiniseka ukuthi ugcina ubudlelwano bakho buyimfihlo ngaphandle kokuthi uqinisekile ngekusasa lakho nomlingani wakho omusha futhi kuze kube yilapho isehlukaniso sesiqediwe.

Uma, ngesizathu esithile kungenakwenzeka lokho, khuluma nabo ngobuqotho ngangokunokwenzeka, ubaqinisekise ukuthi lokhu ngeke kuyishintshe indima noma indawo yakho ekuphileni kwabo. Isibonelo, uma uhlala endaweni kaphathina wakho omusha, kungcono umbuze ukuthi ufuna ukuhlala nawe noma emzini wakhe omdala. 

Okufanele Ukwenze Nokungamele Ukuphola Ngesikhathi Sesehlukene Kodwa Singahlukanisile

Isinqumo sokuphola ngaphambi kokudivosa nguwe okumele usenze. Uma ukhetha ukwehla ngalowo mgwaqo, kubalulekile ukuphatha lesi simo ngobunono ngangokunokwenzeka. Nakhu okumelwe ukwenze nokungafanele ukwenze ngokuthandana ngesikhathi nihlukene:

Isehlukaniso akulula kunoma ubani ohilelekile, ngisho noma uqeda umshado onobuthi, futhi kungabeka impilo yengqondo yomuntu endaweni emnyama. Kudingeka uzilungiselele ngokugcwele. Kungcono ukugwema ukuqomisana kuze kube yilapho nobabili senihlukene ngokusemthethweni futhi nihlukanisile ngokomzwelo. Nokho, uma unomuzwa onamandla wokuthi usukulungele ukuphola futhi futhi awusafuni ukumisa impilo yakho, nakanjani, qhubeka kodwa qiniseka ukuthi awusithathi lesi sinqumo ngaphandle kokucabangela zonke izinzuzo ezingase zibe khona.

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