12 Imithetho Yokukhuliswa Ngokuhlanganyela Kwabashadile Abahlukanisile

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Umbhangqwana ohlukanisile akusho ngempela umkhaya ophukile. Ngokuphambene nombono ovamile, umbhangqwana onquma ukuhlala ngokwehlukana futhi udivose akusho ukuthi ube abantu ababili abahlukene bengenazibopho. Ngisho noma bengaseyona indoda nomfazi, bayaqhubeka bengabazali bezingane zabo. Ngokubeka imithetho ethile yokuba umzali oyedwa nokunamathela kuyo, bangaba abazali abanothando nabanokwethenjelwa njengoba babenjalo ngaphambili.

Ngokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana, unganikeza izingane zakho umndeni eziwudingayo. Ake sibheke ukuthi ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana kubukeka kanjani. Ucwaningo oluqhathanisayo olwenziwe nguDkt. Linda Nielsen, uprofesa we-Adolescent and Educational Psychology eWake Forest University luphetha ngokuthi izingane ezisemikhayeni enabantu abanakekela izingane ngokomzimba—ngaphandle kwezimo lapho izingane zidinga ukuvikelwa kumzali ohlukumezayo noma onganaki—zinemiphumela engcono ngezindlela ezahlukene zempilo-mpilo kunezingane ezinakekelwa ngokomzimba kuphela^.

Kubukeka kanjani ukuba nomzali oyedwa?

Okuqukethwe

Isehlukaniso sibonakala kakhulu njengendlela engcono yokubhekana nokubhajwa emshadweni ongajabuli uma izinkinga phakathi kombhangqwana zingalungiseki. Njengoba isakhiwo, ukuma kanye nezinhlobo zemindeni ziqhubeka nokuhlukahluka, abantu baqala ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuthi nje umshado wabo awuphumelelanga akusho ukuthi bangabazali ababi.

Noma bengakwazi ukukhulisa izingane zabo njengeqembu nakuba bengasashadile. Ezimweni ezinjalo, imibhangqwana ikhetha ukuba umzali ngokubambisana, ukuze izingane zabo zingathwali ubunzima bokuhlukana. Ukuba nomzali ngokuchaza kuyisinyathelo imibhangqwana eminingi eyithatha ngemva kwesehlukaniso ukuze izingane zabo zithole okungcono kakhulu kubazali bobabili.

Ngaphandle kokuthi omunye wabalingani emshadweni ubhekane nezinkinga ezinkulu njengokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, ukuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi , bobabili abalingani banganquma ukuhlanganyela ngenkuthalo empilweni yezingane zabo ukuze kuncishiswe ukuphazamiseka okubangelwa ukuhlukana kwabazali.

12 Imithetho Yokukhuliswa Ngokuhlanganyela Kwabashadile Abahlukanisile

Ukubaluleka kokuba nomzali oyedwa kubaluleke kakhulu kunalokho ongakucabanga. Ukubambisana komzali kuqinisekisa inhlalakahle engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo yezingane. Inhloso eyodwa nje yokuba umzali ngokubambisana wukunikeza izingane impilo ebafanele.

Lokhu kufanele kubeke imingcele yokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana evumela abazali ukuthi babeke eceleni izinkinga zabo zobudlelwano futhi bagxile ezinganeni. Ukuze wenze kanjalo, imithetho ethile idinga ukulandelwa. Qhubeka ufunda ukuze wazi imithetho eyi-12 ebalulekile yokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana, ezogcina iphendule umbuzo othi: “Ingabe umndeni ohlukanisile usengumndeni?”

1. Beka eceleni ubuhlungu nentukuthelo yakho

Ungase uzibuze, ingabe kufanele nihlale ndawonye ngenxa yabantwana benu ? Impendulo ithi, cha. Kungenzeka ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nagcina nihlukanisile ngenxa yezizathu ezingezona ezokuthula, yingakho ukuhlala ndawonye ngisho nangenxa yabantwana kungase kubonakale kungangabazeki, kodwa udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi indoda noma umfazi omubi akusho ukuthi ungumzali omubi.

Imithetho yokukhulisa izingane iphakamisa ukuthi ubeke ubuhlungu nentukuthelo yazo zonke izinto ezingahambanga kahle ebhokisini futhi ugxile ekukhuliseni okunempilo kwezingane zakho. Uma izingane zakho zikuthola ulwa njalo futhi ujikijelana ngentukuthelo, kuzodala ukuhlukumezeka okungadingekile kwasebuntwaneni okuyoba nzima kakhulu ukuba izingane zakho zilulame kukho.

Kungakho omunye wemithetho emihle yomzali oyedwa ongafunga ngawo uwukufunda ukuvala yonke intukuthelo yakho, intukuthelo noma imiphi eminye imizwa engemihle ongase ube nayo phambi kwezingane zakho. Wena nowakwakho senihlukene manje, ngakho-ke vumela okwedlule kungcwabe izipoki zakho.

Gxila ekusaseni, okubandakanya - phakathi kwezinye izinto - umthwalo wemfanelo wokukhulisa izingane zakho ngendlela efanele.

2. Ungadonseli izingane zakho ezindabeni zakho

Bazali, lezo zingane ezisendlini ziyizingane zenu. Abazona izithunywa zakho. Udinga ukwazi kangcono kunokudonsela izingane zakho ezindabeni zakho ukuze uphumelele ukukhulisa izingane. Ungabeki izingane zakho isizinda sezingxabano zakho.

Leyo enye yezindlela ezingafaneleki zokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, udinga ukugwema ukukhuluma kabi ngomunye nomunye nezingane zakho. Ngazo zonke izindlela, lungiselelani izingane zakho isehlukaniso kodwa ningakwenzi lokho ngokulahlekelwa isithombe somlingani wakho emehlweni azo.

Izingane zakho zifanelwe uthando lwabazali bazo bobabili futhi akufanele zithonywe noma zichema nomzali oyedwa ngenxa nje yokuthi zikhulume kabi nge-ex yazo. Khulula izingane zakho ethonyeni lakho futhi uzivumele zinqume imizwa yazo ngabazali bazo.

3. Xoxisanani kabanzi

Ukuze ube umzali oyedwa ngempumelelo, wena nowawushade naye nidinga ukuvumelanisa mayelana namasu okukhulisa izingane, izindinganiso nemithetho eyisisekelo. Akudingeki ukuba nikhulume ngomlando wenu noma nganoma yini engahambi kahle, kodwa kudingeka nikhulumisane ngezinto ezibalulekile.

Cabanga ngalokhu njengengxenye yokubeka imingcele yokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana enivumela ukuba nibe abazali ngaphandle kokuba abalingani. Kungase kubonakale kungenakwenzeka, ikakhulukazi uma kwenzeka isehlukaniso esibi, kodwa udinga ukuzikhumbuza injongo eyinhloko nebaluleke kakhulu yokuxhumana: izingane zakho. Yebo, nihlukanisile njengombhangqwana kodwa yibani munye njengabazali.

Uma ukubuka ubuso bomunye kubonakala kungaphandle kombuzo, xhumana ngemibhalo namakholi, kodwa kwenze noma kunjalo. Yenzani izicelo, nilalelane ngempela futhi nigcine izingxoxo zenu zigxile ezinganeni zenu kuphela.

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4. Ningathathi izinqumo ezibalulekile ngaphandle kokubonisana

Omunye wemithetho eyisisekelo yomzali oyedwa ukuthi nisebenze njengeqembu. Lokho kusho ukufinyelela nokuthatha iseluleko komunye nomunye kuzo zonke izinqumo ezibalulekile mayelana nezingane zakho. Yebo, ngisho noma wazi ukuthi yini elungele izingane zakho.

Kungenye into ukubanikeza inkululeko nokubavumela ukuba badle u-ayisikhilimu ngoMgqibelo kanye ngezikhathi ezithile, kodwa okuhlukile ukuhlela ukushintsha isikole sabo noma ukuthutha amadolobha ngaphandle kokutshela owayesanda kuhlanganyela. Anikwazi ukwabelana ngezibopho zokuba ngumzali oyedwa ngaphandle uma nobabili niyingxenye yezinqubo ezinjalo zokwenza izinqumo.

Ngokufanayo, uma kuziwa ezinqumweni ezibalulekile njengokunakekelwa kwezokwelapha, imfundo, isimo sezezimali, njll. ungathathi izinqumo mayelana nalezi ngaphandle kokukhuluma nowayenguphathina wakho ngakho.

imingcele yomzali oyedwa — Anikwazi ukwabelana ngezibopho zokuba ngumzali oyedwa ngaphandle uma nobabili niyingxenye yenqubo yokuthatha izinqumo

Ukuba nomzali ngokubambisana kumayelana nokukhula okuphelele kwezingane zakho. Qiniseka ukuthi uyaxhumana nomunye umzali nganoma yiziphi izinqumo ezibalulekile eziphathelene nezingane zakho.

5. Zibekele isabelomali esinengqondo

Imingcele yokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana ayigcini nje ngokuxhumana. Ngemva kokuhlukana, bobabili abazali bangase bangabi nozinzo olufana nolwezimali. Kungumthetho obalulekile wokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana ukuvuleleka ngesimo sakho sezezimali nokusabalalisa izimali ngokufanele, maqondana nesondlo sengane kanye nosizo lwezezimali ngemva kwesehlukaniso.

Uma omunye umzali ekhokhela imali yokufunda yesikole yengane, omunye anganakekela umshwalense wezokwelapha nezinye izindleko. Beka isabelomali esinengqondo sezingane zakho bese ubeka eceleni i-ego yakho. Ukuxhasa ngezimali kuyisici esibalulekile semithetho yokukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana, futhi kudinga ukusingathwa ngendlela evuthiwe, hhayi nge-ego ethi “Ngingakhulisa ingane yami ngedwa.”

6. Ungaqambi amanga ezinganeni zakho ngobudlelwano obuzayo

Yonke ingane ifanelwe ukwazi iqiniso ngabazali bayo. Ungaqambi amanga ezinganeni zakho uma uqala ukuthandana ngemva kwesehlukaniso. Kunalokho, hlala phansi izingane zakho futhi ukhulume nazo ngobuhlobo benu obusha. Kwenze kubonakale kuvumelana futhi baqinisekise ukuthi ngeke bathinteke nganoma iyiphi indlela.

Yiqiniso, ukulinda isikhashana ngaphambi kokwethula umngane omusha ezinganeni zakho kuyinto enengqondo ongayenza. Awufuni ukwenza umuntu abe yingxenye yempilo yakhe ngaphambi kokuthi uqiniseke ngekusasa lalobu budlelwano.

Ukuba nomzali oyedwa ngesikhathi nithandana nakho kungaba yinto ekhohlisayo ngoba ungase ungafuni ukwabelana ngemininingwane yobudlelwano bakho obusha nalowo owawushade naye. Uma izingane zakho sezikhule ngokwanele ukuba ziqonde lezi zinkinga eziyinkimbinkimbi, khuluma nazo futhi uzicele ukuthi zingakhulumi izindaba komunye umzali. Batshele ukuthi akukhona ukuthi ufuna ukufihla ubuhlobo bakho kodwa ungathanda ukubatshela uma isikhathi sesilungile.

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7. Sekelanani izindima zomunye njengabazali bezingane

Ukuphatha ilungelo lokunakekela izingane ngokuhlanganyela kudinga ukuthi nobabili nibe nesimo esifanayo ngenxa yezingane. Izingane zivame ukulwa nabazali bazo, okuyinto engavamile. Kodwa-ke, wena njengomzali kudingeka uqiniseke ukuthi awuvumeli ukucwasa noma inzondo yakho ngomlingani wakho wangaphambili ukuthi kuthonye inqubo yokucabanga yezingane zakho lapho zikhononda ngomunye umzali wazo kuwe.

izibopho zokuba ngumzali ngokubambisana — Ungavumeli ukuchema kwakho noma inzondo yakho ngomngane wakho wangaphambili ithonye ukucabanga kwezingane zakho

Ndawonye noma ngokwehlukana, owakwakho usengumzali olingana nezingane zakho. Kudingeka nisekelane futhi niqondise izingane zenu endleleni efanele futhi niqinisekise ukuthi izingane zenu zikholelwa ukuthi bobabili abazali bazo bayazithanda futhi bazinakekela ngezindlela zabo.

Ukusebenza ndawonye njengeqembu kungaba nzima ngokulinganayo uma usenayo imizwa nge-ex yakho futhi yibo abacele isehlukaniso. Uma kwenzeka uthatha isinqumo sokuba umzali ngokubambisana nomuntu osamthanda, qiniseka ukuthi imizwa yakho ayikuvimbeli ekubekeni izithakazelo zezingane zakho kuqala.

8. Misa imithetho ethile eyisisekelo

Esinye isici semingcele yomzali oyedwa: ukusungula imithetho eyisisekelo. Le mithetho eyisisekelo ingeyabazali nezingane futhi. Beka imithetho ethile eyisisekelo njengokungathi akekho ozoxoxa ngezindaba zomuntu siqu ngezingane. Ubudlelwano bakho obunobuthi bungaba nomthelela omkhulu empilweni yesikhathi esizayo yengane yakho.

Okwesibili, uma ukuhlukana bekukubi kakhulu, beka umthetho wokuthi ukuxhumana okuningi kuzokwenzeka kuphela ngombhalo noma ama-imeyili. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukugwema ukuphambuka ekugxileni. Chazela izingane zakho isehlukaniso ukhumbula iminyaka yazo, hhayi izinkinga zakho.

Bese kuba nemithetho eyisisekelo mayelana nezingane. Akekho umzali okufanele aphume endleleni yakhe ukuze adale ukukhetha phakathi kwezingane. Imithetho emihle yokubambisana nomzali ibeka ukuthi nisekelane kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Uma nifuna ukuba izibonelo ezinhle ezinganeni zenu, phathanani ngenhlonipho nangomusa.

Lokhu kusho ukuthi ungafihlelani amaphutha ezingane zakho ukuze zizokhetha wena kunomunye umzali. Noma ukubavumela bashaye indiva imithetho noma bayekelele ekubakhuzeni lapho benza okuthile okungalungile. Leli yicala lezincwadi zokukhulisa izingane ngokungafanele ngoba nakuba kungase kukubeke ezincwadini ezinhle zezingane zakho okwamanje, kuzozibiza kakhulu kamuva ekuphileni.

9. Gcina ukungaguquguquki esimisweni sezingane

Isimiso esiphumelelayo yimpendulo engcono kakhulu umuntu angayinikeza yokuthi “kunjani ukukhulisa izingane ngokubambisana?” Emizamweni yokuba umzali ongcono, ungase unike izingane zakho inkululeko eyengeziwe kunaleyo eziyidingayo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi akukho ice cream phakathi kwamabili, akukho pizza yesidlo sasemini nesakusihlwa, futhi akukho maswidi engeziwe.

Lokhu kuyingxenye ebalulekile yemithetho yokubambisana komzali njengoba uhlelo lwezingane zakho akufanele luphazanyiswe ukuhlala ezindaweni ezimbili ezihlukene ngesikhathi esifushane. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi isimiso siyagcinwa, hlalani ndawonye futhi ninqumele wena nezingane uhlelo lwezikhathi.

Namathela kuleyo nqubo futhi uqiniseke ukuthi izingane zakho nazo zinamathela kuyo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi usaqhubeka noma uhlanganyela nemithetho yomzali kanye nokuqomisana, qiniseka ukuthi lo mkhuba ubekwe eceleni. Ungayekethisi ngesikhathi sokulala ngobusuku be-movie nonobuhle wakho omusha noma ubavumele baphuthelwe ukujwayela ibhola lapho uzikhiphe nozakwenu.

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10. Ungakhathazeki ngokuyekethisa ngezinye izikhathi

Uma kuziwa ekwenzeni izinqumo ezibalulekile, ungase ungafuni ukukhothama, kodwa lokhu kusebenza ngokumelene nencazelo yomzali oyedwa. Ungase ungamthandi owakwakho, kodwa unengane eyodwa noma ngaphezulu nindawonye. Ukugxila ekuzaseni kwakho kungenzeka iphutha elibi kakhulu lokuba ngumzali olenzayo kulesi simo.

Lokhu kusho ukuyekethisa uma kufanele. Uma umama enomhlangano obalulekile, ubaba angayekethisa ngokungayi ephathini yomngane wakhe. Uma ubaba engakwazi ukukhokhela zonke izimali zokufunda zezingane, umama angahlehlisa futhi ambe emalini ayongile ukuze afundise izingane zakhe.

Labo abebekhulisa izingane ndawonye naphezu kwesehlukaniso ngesikhathi sodlame babheka ukuguquguquka njengeminye yemithetho ebaluleke kakhulu yokukhulisa izingane ngaphansi kwe-Lockdown. UJoyce noGeorge, ngokwesibonelo, bathola ukuthi izimpilo zabo zaba ngcono ngesikhathi i-COVID-19 ifika e-US kusukela uJoyce esebenza njengomhlengikazi.

UGeorge, nesimiso sakhe sokusebenza ekhaya, wayekuhlomele kangcono ukusingatha izingane, ngakho uJoyce wabavumela ukuba bahlale naye izinyanga ezingu-6. UGeorge, kule ngxenye, waqinisekisa ukuthi uthola izibuyekezo njalo mayelana nezingane futhi uhlele namakholi wevidiyo avamile ukuze azigcine zixhumekile.

Hlala ucabanga ngenhloso ephezulu futhi uvumelane lapho kufanele. Ngeke kube khona okunye okuzuzisa kakhulu ekusebenzeni imithetho yokubambisana komzali.

ukukhulisa izingane ngempumelelo — Hlala ucabanga ngenhloso ephezulu futhi uvumelane lapho kufanele

11. Kwazise okukukhathazayo izingane zakho

Izingane zakho zingase zincamele ukuhlala nomzali oyedwa kunomunye. Ezimweni ezinjalo, bangase bakhale ngokungafuni ukuya emzini womunye umzali. Ungakuboni lokhu njengethuba lokukhulisa inzondo ku-ex yakho. Zijwayeze imithetho enempilo yomzali oyedwa esikhundleni salokho.

Ukubaluleka kokuba nomzali oyedwa ukwazisa ukukhathazeka kwezingane zakho futhi ubabuze ukuthi yini ongayenza ukuze wenze inqubo ibe lula. Baqinisekise ukuthi bazoba nesikhathi esimnandi ekhaya lomunye umzali futhi banenhlanhla ngokuba nabazali ababathanda kakhulu.

Ngaso sonke isikhathi bheka okukhathaza ingane yakho futhi uzijwayeze uthando. Ngokuqinisekisa ubudlelwano obunempilo phakathi kwezingane zakho kanye nomuntu wakho wakudala, ubenzela isevisi enkulu ngokubasindisa ezindabeni zobudlelwano bomndeni obungasebenzi kahle.

12. Isikhathi sekhwalithi phezu kwesikhathi sobuningi, njalo

Ukusondelana akudingekile ukuba kusekelwe esilinganisweni sesikhathi umzali ngamunye asihlala nezingane. Abazali abaningi ngenkathi bebambisana umzali baxhonywe ekuchitheni inani elilinganayo lesikhathi ndawonye. Akudingekile ukuthi kube nokuhlukaniswa kwe-50-50 yesikhathi.

Kunalokho, yakha ukuhlukaniswa kwesikhathi okunengqondo. Uma isimiso somzali oyedwa simatasa kakhulu kunesomunye, vumela lowo mzali abe nesikhathi esincane nezingane. Ukuba nomzali ngokubambisana kumayelana nokwakha isakhiwo esinengqondo emndenini wakho.

Okuza kuqala kuwe kufanele kube ukwakha isibopho esiqinile nezingane zakho, futhi lokho akubuswa ubude besikhathi enisichitha ndawonye. Khumbula njalo ukuthi ikhwalithi iphakamisa ubuningi.

Ngabe umndeni ohlukanisile usewumndeni?

Kafushane nje, yebo. Umndeni ohlukanisile usewumndeni. Impela, kunamakhaya amabili ahlukene futhi umama nobaba bangase bangazwani ngempela, nokho, basenenhloso efanayo: izingane zabo. Yingakho imibhangqwana ehlukanisile ikhetha ukuzala ndawonye. Ngokulandela imithetho yokuba umzali oyedwa, baqinisekisa ukuthi abantwababo abalokothi baswele uthando, ukuntula umkhaya, noma ukuntuleka komkhaya. Izingane ziyi-glue egcina umndeni wazo ndawonye.

Ungase uzibuze: kufanele yini uhlale ndawonye ngenxa yezingane zakho, kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi, akudingeki. Ungakwazi ukuhlukana nomlingani wakho futhi unikeze izingane zakho umndeni onothando. Yilokho-ke ukukhulisa izingane lapha.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

1. Ubambisana kanjani ngempumelelo nomzali?

Okubalulekile ekukhuliseni ngokubambisana ngempumelelo ukuthi kufanele ubeke eceleni imizwa yakho ngowayeshade naye futhi uthole indlela yokumnika inhlonipho ebafanele njengomzali wezingane zakho. Uma ziyingxenye yempilo yezingane, zizohlala zikhona njalo nakuwe. Kufanele ukwazi ukubhekana nalokho.

2. Uyibekela kanjani imingcele yokuba nomzali oyedwa?

Ukuze ubeke imingcele ehambisana nomzali oyedwa, udinga ukuthatha izindaba zakho ze-equation futhi ugxile ezinganeni zakho kuphela. Qiniseka ukuthi ukusebenzelana kwakho kuzungeza izingane ukuze zigweme ukungena emidlalweni exabanayo noma zigcine ngokulala ndawonye ngokulingana.

3. Ubambisana kanjani nomzali ne-ex enzima?

Uma i-ex yakho inzima noma ube nesehlukaniso esibi, gcina ukuqhelelana kwakho naye futhi ukhulume ngezinto ezibalulekile mayelana nokuba nomzali ngokubambisana ngemibhalo noma ngama-imeyili. Uma nje ningakwazi ukumelana nomunye, thola usizo lomxazululi ngokubeka imithetho yokubambisana komzali ngesikhathi sesehlukaniso.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.