Indlela Yokuqeda Isimo: 11 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe

Le minyaka yokuswayipha okungapheli kuzinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola kanye nokugcwala kakhulu kwenkundla yezokuxhumana kubangele ukuhlukahluka kobudlelwane obuketshezi, okunye kwakho okuyisimo. Uma uzithola ukomunye, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani isimo ngomusa futhi ngaphandle kokulimala ngoba ukungapheleli kuyisici esichazayo sokuxhuma okunjalo koketshezi.

Kulesi sihloko, sihlola ngokujulile umqondo wesimo esithile futhi sinikeza amathiphu avivinywe futhi avivinywayo okuthi singayishiyi, ngokuqonda okuvela kuchwepheshe wobudlelwano kanye nomeluleki uDhriti Bhavsar (iMaster's in Clinical Psychology), ogxile ebudlelwaneni, ukuhlukana, kanye nokwelulekwa kwe-LGBTQ.

Siyini Isimo Futhi Ungazi Kanjani Ukuthi Ukunye?

Kuyini ngempela isimo? Lo mbuzo kungenzeka ukuthi ukuphazamisile okungenani kanye empilweni yakho. Yilokhu kanye okuhloswe yingxoxo yeReddit ukuhlola. Omunye umsebenzisi weReddit wayenempendulo elula kulo mbuzo. Bachaza isimo ngokuthi, “Noma yini engaphezu kobungane futhi engaphansi kobudlelwano,” benezela, “Isici esiyinhloko ukuntuleka kobunye.” Futhi siyavuma. Umqondo wonke wesimo usekelwe ekuguquguqukeni kanye nobuhlobo obufushane. Kodwa umuntu wazi kanjani ukuthi usesimeni esithile?

Ungazi kanjani uma ukusimo esiphuthumayo

Manje njengoba sesinayo impendulo ethi “Iyini isimo?”, ingabe udidekile ngokuthi ukukodwa yini? Yiziphi izimpawu eziqinisekile zokuthi ungase ungathandi noma lokho okuthiwa ubungane bakho kungase kube isimo? Ngokuka-Dhriti, lezi izimpawu ezimbalwa zokuthi usesimweni:

• Ayikho ilebula: UDhriti uthi, "Olunye lwezimpawu eziqinisekile zesimo ukungabi nelebula elicacile ngobudlelwano." Ngakho-ke, ungase ungabi nezibopho ezimisiwe komunye nomunye
• Akukho ukuxhumana okucacile: Awuziboni izinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo ezibambekayo okwamanje? U-Dhriti uthi, “Uma kungekho muntu ohilelekile okhulume ngokucacile mayelana nemigomo noma ikusasa lobudlelwano, kungaba isimo. ubudlelwano obuzibophezele kufanele bahlele isikhathi eside.”
• Ukuntuleka kokuzibophezela: Uphawu olulodwa olucacile lwesimo lapho ningazibophezeli komunye nomunye. UDhriti uthi, “Ezimweni ezinjalo, abantu abahileleke ebuhlotsheni bakhululekile ukuba bathandane nabanye abantu.”
• Cha setha imingcele: Isimo singase sibe nemingcele engacacile noma eshintshayo. UDhriti uyachaza, “Ukungazi ukuthi yini elungile ebudlelwaneni, noma ukuthi kungakanani ongakucela noma ongakulindela ebudlelwaneni, kuyindawo eyingozi futhi kusikisela ukuthi akubona ubudlelwano kodwa isimo.”
• Ayikho imizwa: Ukusondelana ngokomzwelo okulinganiselwe kanye nokuntuleka kokuba sengozini kokubili kuyizimpawu zesimo. UDhriti uthi, “Kungase kube nezinto ezithile eningazabelani ngazo, futhi lokho kuvamile.
• Asikho isiqiniseko: Ukuzizwa ubambekile ebudlelwaneni kungolunye uphawu olukhulu lwesimo. UDhriti uthi, “Ukungaqiniseki ngokuthi omunye umuntu ufunani kuyo, noma ukuthi ufuna ukuyisa kuphi, kuwuphawu lokuthi obakho akubona ubuhlobo kodwa isimo.”

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11 Amathiphu Ochwepheshe Wendlela Yokuqeda Isimo

Ukuba sesimweni, ngokwencazelo, kusho ukuthi anindawonye isikhathi eside. Ngakho-ke, njengoba ungena kule ndawo engachazwanga yobudlelwano, kuwukuhlakanipha ukungena uhlomile ngolwazi lokuthi ungaqeda kanjani isimo. Uyabona, iqiniso liwukuthi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi singahlukanisa kahle kangakanani ubudlelwano bethu futhi sibubhale ngokuthanda kwethu, ekugcineni singabantu abanemizwa nemizwa yangempela. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi asiwona amarobhothi, kanjalo nobudlelwano bethu ngeke bube oburobhothi. Ngakho-ke, uma ungazi ukuthi ungaphuma kanjani esimweni esithile, kungase kukushiye ukhungathekile ngokomzwelo.

Ukuze sichaze kabanzi ngobuhlungu bokuqeda isimo, nasi isibonelo sokuthi kwakubuhlungu kangakanani kumsebenzisi we-Reddit : “Mina (27F) bengisesimweni “esibucayi” cishe izinyanga eziyi-7 no-(26M). Saxoxa ngokuzihlukanisa futhi savumelana ngokuthi sinemizwa ngomunye nomunye kuphela, kodwa wayenqikaza ukuzibophezela ngokugcwele ebudlelwaneni ngezizathu eziningana. Ngangikholelwa ngobuwula ukuthi ngingashintsha umqondo wakhe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngisho nokubhala lokho kungenza ngizizwe ngiyisiwula, ngoba ngiyazi ukuthi kufanele ngifune umuntu ongenakungabaza ngokuthi ufuna ukuba nami kangakanani. Njengomuntu oke wabhajwa ezimweni eziningana esikhathini esidlule, ngidinga kakhulu amazwi enduduzo ukuze ngiqede. Ngiyazi ukuthi kuyinto efanele ukuyenza, kodwa ubuhlungu benhliziyo abubekezeleleki.”

Ukukusiza ukuthi ubhekane nobuhlungu obunjalo, u-Dhriti uhlanganise amathiphu ambalwa. Ngakho-ke, nansi indlela yokuqhubekela phambili ukusuka esimweni esihle futhi ngaphandle kokulimaza noma yiliphi iqembu:

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1. Yazisa futhi uqonde imizwa yakho

Uma uvame ukuzibuza ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nesimo, u-Dhriti uthi, "Kudingeka ngempela ukuthi bobabili abalingani bayeke ukuphika futhi bamukele iqiniso lokuthi bobabili balimele ukuthi isimo sesizophela." Futhi siyavuma. Isinyathelo sokuqala sokubhekana nanoma ibuphi ubuhlungu ukuvuma imizwa yakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi mibi kangakanani.

2. Bhala phansi izidingo zakho

Uma ungazi ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani usuka esimweni esithile, uDhriti weluleka ngokuthi, “Kufanele uzinike isikhathi sokuzihlolisisa bese uthola izidingo zakho kanye nokulindela kwakho ebudlelwaneni .” Kufanele kube nokucaca okuphelele mayelana nalokhu:

• Kungani uqeda isimo
• Okushodayo ekuxhumaneni

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3. Khetha ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokwethembeka

Enye indlela yokuphuma esimweni esibucayi ukuba nengxoxo ecacile. Njengazo zonke ezinye izinkinga ebudlelwaneni, ayikho enye indlela yokukhuluma ngokukhululekile. Ngakho-ke, uDhriti weluleka, “ Khuluma ngokucacile nomlingani wakho ngezidingo zakho kanye nokulindela kwakho. Yamukela izidingo kanye nokulindela komunye umuntu.”

4. Musa ukulangazelela ubudlelwano

Njengoba nje ukudlula esimweni esibucayi kubalulekile, kanjalo nokungabambeleli kunoma yini ukuze kukusize uqhubekele phambili. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ukuphuma esimweni esibucayi akusho ngaso sonke isikhathi ukungena ebudlelwaneni. UDhriti uthi, “Ngezinye izikhathi, kungcono ukuhamba nomuntu ongakwazi ukukunikeza okudingayo, kunokulinda ukuthi ashintshe bese ukhungatheka ngawe nakubo ngesikhathi esifanayo.”

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5. Gxila emisebenzini yokuzinakekela

Impendulo yokuthi ungadlula kanjani esimweni esithile itholakala ekubekeni phambili ukuzinakekela kanye nokukhula komuntu siqu. UDhriti uthi, “Ukuze unqobe noma yiluphi uhlobo lwesimo , khumbula into eyodwa encane: kufanele ugxile ekugcwaliseni indebe yakho ngaphambi kokuthi uthele komunye umuntu.” Nazi ezinye izindlela ongakwenza ngazo lokho kanye:

• Splurge ngosuku lwe-spa
• Zilungise futhi ugqoke
• Chitha usuku nabangane bakho abakhulu
• Hamba uhambo uwedwa
• Yidla unempilo
• Vivinya umzimba nsuku zonke
• Gxila ezintweni ozithandayo, njengokudansa, izitsha zobumba, ukulima ingadi, noma umculo

6. Beka imingcele enempilo

Nasi esinye isibonelo sendlela yokuqhubeka usuka esimweni esinjalo, futhi lokhu mhlawumbe kungenye yezeluleko ezibaluleke kakhulu zokubhekana nesimo esinjengalesi: ukubeka imingcele. UDhriti uthi, “Kufanele ube nemingcele ecacile uma uzimisele ngokunqoba umuntu obukade ubhekene naye esimweni esithile. Imingcele ikusiza ukuthi ulawule okulindelwe futhi ubone omunye umuntu ukuthi ungubani, hhayi ngeso lokuthi ufuna abe ngubani.” Ukwazi ukuthi kufanele uhambe nini nokuqaphela ukuthi imingcele yakho ayihlonishwa nakho kubalulekile.

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7. Nakekela eyakho impilo yengqondo

UDhriti uthi, “Uma kukhona ukwesaba okuphathelene nokulahlwa kanye nokwenqatshwa okuvelayo, okukugcina ubambeke kulesi simo, bheka ukuthi kuvelaphi. Bese uzijwayeza iqiniso lakho lamanje.” Ukuze ubhekane nezimo ezinjalo, ungase uthintane nomeluleki noma uchwepheshe wezokwelapha bese ucabanga ngokuya ekwelashweni. Uma ufuna usizo lochwepheshe, izinsizakalo zokweluleka zeBonobology zilapha ukuze zikusize.

8. Qhubeka uthintana nenethiwekhi yakho yokuxhumana nabantu

Uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungadlula kanjani esimweni esithile futhi ubhekane nesizungu esilandelayo, thola ukwesekwa kubangani nakubantu abathembekile abakwaziyo ngokuphelele. UDhriti uthi, “Ukuba nokusekelwa komphakathi phakathi nalezi zikhathi ezinzima kubenza babekezeleleke kangcono kunokudlula ezigabeni ezinjalo wedwa.”

9. Hlala unethemba

UDhriti uthi, “Kubalulekile ukuhlala unethemba mayelana nobudlelwano futhi ungavumeli okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho ngesimo esisodwa kuchaze indlela ozizwa ngayo ngobudlelwano obuzayo. Ubudlelwano ngabunye buzoba obuhlukile, bunezinselele zabo ezihlukile.” Ngakho-ke, lungela ukubhekana nobudlelwano obusha ngokuzethemba, ngaphandle kokuvumela ukuphelelwa yithemba noma ukungathembi.

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I-10. Iba nesineke

UDhriti uthi, "Khumbula ukuba nesineke kuwena kanye nomlingani wakho. Kungaba inselele ukuphuma esimweni." Ungajahi lutho. Okubaluleke ngokufanayo ukuthi ungagcini:

• Ukuzithokozisa kumdlalo wokusola
• Ukubhuqa nabo
• Ukugcina izinto ngenothi elibi
• Ukuqeda izinto kungazelelwe, ngokulwa

11. Nquma ukuthi isimo obhekene naso singase sibe okuthile okwengeziwe

Yebo, ukudlula esimweni esithile bese uqhubeka phambili akuyona into yokudlala yengane. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuqeda izinto unomphela, cabanga ngamathuba okubuyelana nokuthuthukisa izinto. Kubalulekile ukuthi ucacelwe ukuthi uyafisa yini ukuhamba noma ukuhlala. Uma ucabanga ukuthi unomlingani omuhle futhi ungathanda ukuzama isikhathi eside, ungangabazi ukwenza kanjalo.

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UDhriti uthi, "Zimisele ukutshala ebudlelwaneni uma ufuna ukubuqhubekisela phambili. Kuzodingeka usebenzele ukwakha ukwethembana nobungane phakathi kobudlelwano, ubeke phambili ukukhulumisana okukhululekile, futhi unikeze isikhathi esanele namandla ebudlelwaneni."

Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukwazi ukuthi uzohamba nini kubalulekile. Ngakho-ke, nawe ungaziphoqi.

Ukuqeda isimo - ukuxhumana 'okucishe kube ubudlelwano' - kungaba nzima njengokuqeda noma yibuphi obunye ubudlelwano. Noma kunjalo, kungcono ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuqhela ekuxhumaneni okunenhliziyo encane njengezimo ezifile ezingakulethi ukuthula kwengqondo noma injabulo. 

Sithemba ukuthi i-athikili yethu ikusize wazi kabanzi mayelana nezimo nezimpawu zazo. Futhi siyethemba ukuthi awusazabalazi ukuthola ukuthi ungaqeda kanjani isimo. Khumbula, unganquma ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwenza umzamo owengeziwe futhi uhlale emuva, kodwa okudingeka unqume ukuthi leso sinqumo siphuma emnyombweni wakho noma ngenxa yesidingo sokuqinisekisa okuthile kwangaphandle. Phela, ukwazi ukuthi kufanele uhambe nini kubalulekile ngokufanayo. 

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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