Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokulungisa Ubudlelwano Obuphukile Nesoka Lakho

Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane benu, ungase ungalokothi ukhathazeke ngokuba nobuhlobo obuphukile. Ungake ucabange ukuthi ngelinye ilanga uzodinga ukwazi ukuthi ungalungisa kanjani ubuhlobo obuphukile esoka lakho? Cha!

Kodwa empeleni, abukho ubuhlobo empilweni obungenabo ubunzima futhi ngisho nombhangqwana ongcono kakhulu, obonakala uphelele, kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nezingxabano zangaphakathi nezingxabano.

Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngoba, ekuqaleni, nobabili nigoqwe imizwa yothando nemilingo. Lokhu-ke kukwenza uthethelele futhi ushalazele izinto ezincane ezikucasulayo ngomngane wakho womshado. Kodwa, njengoba isikhathi sihamba, nezinga lothando ebudlelwaneni benu liqala ukuncipha, zonke lezo zinto obuzishaye indiva ngaphambili, ziyakufica. Futhi usala uzibuza, 'Ngingabulungisa kanjani ubuhlobo obuphukile nesoka lami?'

Abakwazi ukusingatha ukungezwani kwabo abantu abaningi bahamba ngezindlela zabo ezihlukene kodwa baningi futhi abangasebenza ekulungiseni ubudlelwano obuphukile futhi bangabuyelana ndawonye.

Thatha isibonelo sombhangqwana wasebukhosini uKate Middleton noPrince William. Laba bashadikazi baqala ukuthandana ekolishi ngo-2003 base behlukana ngo-2007. Ngokusobala bobabili babengakwazi ukubhekana neqiniso lokuthi babehlale bengaphansi kwe-radar yabezindaba. Esinye isici kwaba ngenkathi uKate engumuntu ozimele, uWilliam wayethanda ukuphuma futhi mayelana namaphathi kanye nama-clubing.

Lo mbhangqwana walungisa ukungezwani kwawo futhi wabuyela ndawonye ngo-2010. Ngokusobala umbhangqwana wawudinga isikhala ukuze uthole umbono walokho ababekufuna ngempela. Kwacaca ukuthi bafuna ukulungisa ubudlelwano babo obuphukile. Namuhla bashadile banezingane ezintathu.

Ocwaningweni olwenziwe kubantu abangu-3512 abavela e-US naseYurophu kutholakale ukuthi abangu-14.94% babahlanganyeli babuyelana nabantu ababethandana nabo futhi bahlala ndawonye, ​​abangu-14.38% babuyelana kodwa abakwazanga ukuqhubeka isikhathi eside. Abanye abangu-70.68% abazange baphinde bahlangane nabantu ababethandana nabo.

Ngakho-ke kungenzeka ukuthi ulungise ubudlelwano obuphukile ngisho nangemva kokuhlukana kodwa okokuqala udinga ukucaciseleka ngalokho okungahambanga kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho kwasekuqaleni. Sikhulume nomelaphi othinta imizwa u-Jui Pimple ukuze sikukhanyisele lapho ubudlelwano bakho budlula ezikhathini ezimnyama.

Ubuvuselela Kanjani Ubudlelwano Obuphukile?

Uma ucabanga, "Ngingabubuyisela kanjani ubuhlobo bami nesoka lami?" sikutshele ukuthi kungenzeka ukubuyisa i-ex yakho.

Ubudlelwano bakho nesoka lakho bungalimala uma kwenzeka noma yiziphi izinto ezilandelayo:

1. Lapho isoka lakho lingakwazi ukufeza okulindele
2. Noma yimuphi umlingani uzibandakanya ekungathembeki
3. Nobabili anikwazi ukujwayelana ngemuva kokuqhuma kwebhamuza lothando lwasekuqaleni nothando
4. Nilokhu niphikisana ngezinto eziwubuwula futhi izingxabano ezincane ziphenduka izimpi ezinkulu
5. Ubudlelwano bukhula bumile uma oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani beyeka ukwenza imizamo
6. Uziba izinkinga zakho futhi uyehluleka ukuxhumana okuholela ezinkingeni ezinkulu kamuva
7. Ukungafani kwezezimali 
8. Niyabona ukuthi nobabili niyafanelana

Lokhu kusho ukuthi seniphelele nobabili anisakwazi ukuqondana futhi anikwazi ukubonana ngeso. Nokho, umuntu udinga ukwazi ukuthi ubuhlobo ephukile akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho phezu kuze kube nobabili uyaqiniseka mayelana nesiphetho sawo futhi abazimisele ukwenza kusebenze.

Ungazama ukuxoxa nesoka lakho futhi niqonde indlela ubudlelwano benu okufanele buhambe ngayo ukuze buphole. Inkulumo ethi 'Ngiyaxolisa futhi ngifuna ukulungisa ubudlelwano bethu' iphezulu ohlwini lwezinto okufanele uzisho ukuze silungise ubuhlobo obuphukile Ukuhlukana kancane komunye nomunye kungase kusize. Lokhu kusiza kakhulu ukulungisa ubudlelwano obubhidlikayo.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungayethemba inqubo futhi ukholelwe ukuthi konke kuzolunga maduze. Thola amaphethini nokuziphatha okuphazamisa ubuhlobo bakho bese uxazulula izingxabano. Isibonelo, yini ebangela intukuthelo ngaphakathi kuwe? Uma usuyazi, ungasebenza endleleni yokuxazulula leyo ntukuthelo.

Yiba nomthwalo wemfanelo futhi uphendule imizwa futhi ugweme ukuphalaza amaqiniso angenangqondo yonke indawo ngenkathi uzama ukuphulukisa ubuhlobo bakho obuphukile.

Kuyalulekwa ukuthi ungagxili esikhathini esedlule ngoba kungenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu futhi yonke imizamo yakho yokulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile ingase yehle. Khumbula njalo ukuthi abukho ubudlelwano obuhamba kahle. Bonke ubudlelwano budlula ebuhleni nasebubini futhi ngoba buphansi ezindaweni zokulahla akusho ukuthi sebuphelile.

Uma ufuna ngempela ubudlelwano benu buphumelele kumele uzimisele ngokusebenza kanzima ngoba akekho omunye ozokwenzela kona. Ukunqoba izinkinga zobudlelwane kudinga ukuvela esifisweni sakho esijulile sokulungisa izinto, nakuba kuthatha isikhathi nomzamo.

Njengendlela yokugcina, ungavakashela umelaphi ukuze uthole umbono womuntu wesithathu mayelana nobudlelwano bakho futhi ulungise izinto nesoka lakho ngosizo lomelaphi. Kwesinye isikhathi, ukuthumela umbhalo olula ngokuxolisa, noma ukutshela isoka lakho, ukuthi umkhumbula kangakanani, kungasiza kakhulu ekulungiseni ubudlelwano. Kuzo zonke izinto ongazisho ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile, 'Ngiyakuthanda futhi ngikukhumbule' akuvamile ukuthi ehluleke ukuqala ingxoxo.

Izindlela Eziyisi-8 Zokulungisa Ubudlelwano Obuphukile Nesoka Lakho

Kuhlale kunethemba lokuvuselela uthando nothando ebudlelwaneni obuphukile uma bobabili abalingani sebekulungele ukungenela. Ngaphandle kokuzimisela ukunquma umsuka wosizi nobuhlungu ebudlelwaneni, ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile kungaba umsebenzi onzima.

Ngakho-ke, lesi sihloko sibeka lezi zindlela ze-8 ezilandelayo zokulungisa ubuhlobo obuphukile nesoka lakho ngethemba lokuthi konke akukakalahleka. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungazilungisa kanjani izinto nesoka lakho, qhubeka ufunda.

1. Thatha uhambo lwehle ngomzila wenkumbulo

Kungenzeka ukulungisa umonakalo ebudlelwaneni. Ngaphambi kokuthi wenze noma yimiphi imizamo yokuqhubekela phambili, nobabili kudingeka nihlehle nibone ukuthi izinto bezisingathwa kanjani ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano. Ingabe kwakukhona ukungqubuzana esikhathini sokuqala? Uma kunjalo, pho nobabili nazisingatha kanjani? Yini lena oyenzayo engalungile ngalesi sikhathi?

Konke lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi ufunde kokudlule futhi ugweme amaphutha afanayo esikhathini esizayo. Ubudlelwano obuningi buyi-hunky dory esigabeni sokuqala. Uxazulula ukungqubuzana kalula. Ungathatha isifundo kuleso sigaba futhi ubone ukuthi izinto zashintsha kanjani ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Khumbula ukuthi ukulungisa ubudlelwano ukuze ube nekusasa elijabulisayo kwesinye isikhathi kuba sezinkumbulo ezijabulisayo ezedlule.

KuMonica no-Miles, bekuwukwenza kabusha usuku lwabo lokuqala okwasiza. “Sasiyodla isidlo sakusihlwa endaweni yokudlela yasendaweni, ngoba yikho kuphela esasikwazi ukukukhokhela ngaleso sikhathi. Sabe sesihambahamba olwandle, sixoxa nje,” kukhumbula uMonica. Eminyakeni emihlanu phakathi, ubudlelwano babo bungasinda ngokulambisa, uMonica wanquma ukuvumela umlando usize. Wathatha uMiles wamyisa endaweni eyodwa yokudlela, base behamba behamba.

“Akuzange kufane, sasinezinkinga eziningi esasizokhuluma ngazo, kodwa kwasikhumbuza ukuthi saqala kanjani nokuthi yini eyayisihlanganisile.” Ngingancoma nakanjani uma uzibuza ukuthi ungabulungisa kanjani ubuhlobo obuphukile nesoka lakho,” kusho uMonica.

UJui uthi, “Lapho ucabanga ngobuhlobo benu nangokwenzeka esikhathini esidlule, cabangani ngokuthi kungani nobabili ninamathela isikhathi eside kangaka.

2. Phinda ukhumbule izinkumbulo zakho ezinhle zesikhathi esidlule

Ungalungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile ngokuphinda nixhumane. Ngakho-ke isixazululo esisebenza kahle kakhulu sokulungisa ubuhlobo bakho nesoka lakho kungaba ukukhumbula izinkumbulo ezidlule.

Hlela uhambo nesoka lakho mhlawumbe niye endaweni osuvele wayivakashela futhi enezinkumbulo ezinhle zayo. Lokhu kuzokukhumbuza izikhathi ezimnandi enizichithe ndawonye esikhathini esidlule nokuthi kungani nathandana kwasekuqaleni.

Umpetha wokubhukuda wama-Olympic uMichael Phelps noNicole Johnson bahlukana izikhathi eziningana futhi bebengandawonye cishe iminyaka emi-3 ngaphambi kokuthi bathembisene umshado. Mhlawumbe kwakuyizinkumbulo zabo ezinhle ezihambisana nokungakwazi ukudlulana komunye nomunye, okwabenza baphinde bahlangana.

3. Vulanani izinhliziyo zenu

Ukuze noma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuphukile buphole, kubalulekile ukuthi umbhangqwana ube nengxoxo ejulile nomunye nomunye. Zama ukukhuluma ngokukhululeka nangobuqotho nesoka lakho ulitshele ukuthi uzizwa kanjani lapho lenza into ekucasulayo.

Esikhundleni sokululazana nje, kufanele nixhumane naye ukuze nimnike ithuba lokuziqonda nokuzithuthukisa. Ukuze ulungise ubuhlobo obuwohlokayo udinga ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana kwakho. Zama lezi zivivinyo zokuxhumana zalo mbhangqwana ukuze usize ukudlulisa umyalezo wakho kangcono.

“Ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile kuyisihluthulelo sezinkinga eziningi,” kuphawula uJui. “Uma ungakwazi ukukusho ngokuqondile, zama ukubhala umlayezo ukuze ulungise ubuhlobo obuphukile, futhi uwuthumele kuye noma uwubhale encwadini bese umnika yona. Ukuwufunda kungamsiza ahlale athule acabange ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngalobu buhlobo nokuthi yini angayenza ukuze bulungise. Futhi, ungakhohlwa ukusho ukuthi lobu buhlobo bubaluleke kangakanani kuwena.”

Ukubaluleka komlayezo wokulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile kukhulu kakhulu. Indlela osebenzisa ngayo amagama akho nokudlulisa umlayezo wakho kusho konke ngalesi sikhathi esinzima. Eminye imilayezo ongayithumela yilena:

• 'Ngiyabazisa ubudlelwano bethu futhi ngithanda ukukhuluma nawe ngokonakala'
• 'Lento oyishoyo ingicasulile ngasabela kabi. Ngingathanda ukuhlala phansi siyixoxe. Awudingi ukuphendula lo mlayezo ngokushesha, kodwa ngicela ucabange ngawo'
• 'Ukulungisa ubudlelwano kuthatha isikhathi. Ngicabanga ukuthi sobabili sidinga isikhathi sokwehlisa umoya, kodwa bengifuna wazi ukuthi ngicabanga ngawe, nangathi'
• 'Usho lukhulu kimi. Ngiyazi ukuthi izinto bezinzima kithi muva nje, kodwa ngifuna ukukulungisa'

Akwanele ukuthumela umlayezo ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile, kunjalo,. Kuzodingeka ulandele futhi ufake umsebenzi. Kodwa kuyisiqalo, nguwe ofinyelela kuye uthi unendaba nokunqoba izinkinga zobudlelwano.

4. Zama njalo ukuthola umbono womlingani wakho

"Njengoba sazi, ubuhlobo busekelwa abantu ababili; kubalulekile ukuthi ngamunye wenu akwazi ukubeka imibono yakhe ngokucacile futhi ngokuqinile. Futhi lokhu kungenzeka uma udala leso sikhala nobabili. Njengoba ufuna ukulungisa ubuhlobo, kubalulekile ukulalela nokuqonda ukuthi umlingani wakho uzothini, "kuchaza uJui.

Phakathi kwemizwa exubile, ungase ungakwazi ukucabanga kahle futhi ungase ukhulume noma yini ofuna ukuyenza ngesikhathi sokushisa. Ngakho-ke okudingeka ukwenze ukuthi uzole futhi uzame ukuthola umbono wesoka lakho mayelana nesimo osenzile.

Ungalungisa kanjani izinto nesoka lakho? Lalelisisa akushoyo futhi ubonise ukuzwelana naye ngoba kungase kuveze izinto eziningi okungenzeka ukuthi azizange zibonwe ngaphambili.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukulungisa Ubudlelwano Obunobuthi - Izindlela Ezingu-21 Zokuphulukisa Ndawonye

5. Chitha isikhathi uwedwa, uma kudingeka

Ukubuyela emuva ku-cocoon yakho futhi uchithe isikhathi uwedwa kungasiza ukusula imicabango yakho. Hamba nohambo lwakho uwedwa, phishekela ezinye izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa, futhi uchithe isikhathi nabangane bakho (abangebona abangane bakho bobabili wena nesoka lakho) njalonjalo. Ngisho ukhuthaze isoka lakho ukuthi lichithe isikhathi sodwa.

Isikhathi esithile ningekho sobabili singanisiza nobabili ukuba niqaphele isikhathi enisichitha nobabili. Kuzokwenza ukuthi uthole umbono futhi kukwenze ubheke izindaba zakho ngeso lenyoni ngaphandle kokuba uzungezwe yizo.

Uzozizwa ujabule futhi uma usujabule, ubudlelwano bakho nesoka lakho nabo buzolulama ekugcineni. Lapho umshado kaMichael Douglas noCatherine Zeta Jones udlula esimeni esinzima, kwakuyisikhathi sabo sokuhlukana esabasiza ukuba babuyelane.

"Ngezinye izikhathi, esikudingayo yisikhathi esinokuthula nathi futhi ukuzihlola kungasisiza ukuthi sithole ukucaciseleka mayelana nesimo sonke. Asikwazi ukwenza ukuthula nomuntu lapho thina ngokwethu singenakho ukuthula. Ngakho thola kuqala ukuthula kwakho bese ulandela abanye," kweluleka uJui.

6. Zama ukuvuselela amalangabi ocansi

Ukungasondelani ngokuqinisekile kungenza ubuhlobo benu bube yinto evamile futhi bungabi mnandi. Ngakho-ke, kufanele uzame ukuphinde uvuthele amalangabi ocansi ebudlelwaneni bakho ngokugqokisa isoka lakho noma ngokudlala ngothando.

Ukuvula kabusha umnyango ovaliwe wokuxhumana ngokomzimba kungakusiza nobabili ukuthi nixhume kabusha ezingeni lengqondo futhi. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukusondelana ngokomzimba kungenza izimanga ngobuhlobo bakho futhi ukuntuleka okufanayo kungabeka engozini ngokuphelele.

Ucansi kanye nokuthandana ngokomzimba kwakha ingxenye enkulu yeglue ehlanganisa ubuhlobo. Khumbula, ungajahi ukuya ocansini uma kunezinye izingqinamba okudingeka kukhulunywe ngazo. Kodwa uma uzibuza ukuthi 'ngingabuqeda kanjani ubuhlobo obuphukile nesoka lami' futhi ucabanga ukuthi ubusuku obuhle bokusondelana buzokusiza, qhubeka!

7. Kwenze kucace ukuthi ufuna ukulungisa izinto

Kungaba nzima ukulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile uma nobabili nihlala nicabanga ukuthi omunye umlingani akafuni ukulungisa izinto. Ngakho, okokuqala, udinga ukwenza umbono wakho ucace. Menze azi ukuthi ufuna ukwenza ubudlelwano bakho busebenze futhi ulungele ukwenza ukuvumelana noma nini lapho kudingeka.

Ukubona nenza umzamo nakho kuzomkhuthaza ukuba enze okufanayo futhi izinto zingase zibe zinhle kini nobabili ekugcineni.

KuRebecca noBen, konke kwakumayelana nokuvela komunye umuntu. “Inkinga yethu enkulu kwakuwukuthi uBen wayedinga ukuthi ngibe khona lapho ngithi ngizomsekela. Uyakuzonda ukushiywa elele futhi kuyamcasula uma abantu bengagcini izwi labo. Ubuhlobo bethu babuphazamisekile, futhi ngaqaphela ukuthi ngifuna ukukulungisa. Ngaqala ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ngiyamzwa, ukuthi ngisekhaya ngidle isidlo sakusihlwa uma bengithembisile ukuthi ngizokwenze njalo. Ngazama ukufika ngesikhathi ngangokunokwenzeka. Kuyindlela enhle yokulungisa ubudlelwano obuphukile nesoka lakho, noma okungenani isiqalo esihle sokumazisa ukuthi ufuna ukulungisa izinto ,” kusho uRebecca.

8. Khuluma nochwepheshe kwezobudlelwano

Kwesinye isikhathi ubudlelwano bakho nesoka lakho bungase bungabi ngcono naphezu kwemizamo yezinhlangothi zombili. Ngakho-ke, ungaya kuchwepheshe wobudlelwano noma umelaphi ongakweluleka futhi asize ubudlelwano bakho bubuye ngendlela efanele.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela eziyi-10 zokwelulekwa ngomshado ezingaxazulula ngazo izinkinga zakho

Njengomuntu ongaphandle kobudlelwane, umbono womelaphi wokungathathi hlangothi uzokuvumela ukuthi ubuke ubudlelwano bakho ngendlela entsha. Ungazama nokwelashwa ekhaya. Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kuyindlela enhle yokuthola umbono ongachemile wokuthi kwenzakalani ebudlelwaneni bakho kanye nokuthola amathiphu acacile okuthi ungabulungisa kanjani.

Ungalungisa kangaki ubudlelwano obuphukile?

Sikholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano obuningi bungalungiseka ngaphandle uma umlingani wakho enze into engenakuxolelwa.

Izibonelo eziningi zokungathembeki, ukuxhashazwa (kwasekhaya noma ngamazwi) kanye nokungahloniphi ngokuphelele ziyizibonelo ezimbalwa zezinto ezingase zingalungiseki ebudlelwaneni. Uma lezi zinto zenzeka, sekuyisikhathi sokuqeda ubuhlobo.

Nokho, ezinye izinkinga eziphakamayo ebudlelwaneni ngenxa

• ukungabi nokuxhumana
• ukuthathana bodwa
• ukuntuleka kokukhuluma 
• ukuchitha isikhathi ngokwehlukana
• ekhuluma izinto ezilimazayo 
• ibanga elide 
• izimpi eziningi njll

ingalungiswa!

Ngokuvamile, lezi zinkinga ziyavela lapho ubudlelwano sebuqhubeke isikhathi eside bese uqala ukulahlekelwa yinhlansi. Ezimweni ezinjalo, okusebenza cishe njalo ukukhumbuzana ukuthi kungani nathandana kwasekuqaleni . Yini eyanenza nobabili nakhetheka kangaka komunye nomunye kangangokuthi nanquma ukuthandana noma ukushada?

Uma niphinda nivakashela lezi zici njengombhangqwana futhi nikhulume ngokukhululekile nobabili nizobona ukuthi nisathandana futhi ningakwenza lokhu kusebenze. Umzamo weqiniso mhlawumbe usizwa uchwepheshe othile wochwepheshe ngokuqinisekile uzokwenza ubudlelwano bakho busebenze.

Ngethemba, izindlela ezishiwo ngenhla eziyisishiyagalombili zikuvumela ukuba unikeze ubudlelwano bakho ithuba. Kufanele bakusize ukuxazulula izinkinga zakho zobudlelwano ngendlela ehlukile. Ngakho landela konke noma okunye kwalokhu ukulungisa ubudlelwano bakho obuphukile nesoka lakho usebenzisa konke okuhle nobuhle onakho kuwe.

Vumela inzondo yehle futhi uthando lunqobe!

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.