15 Isoka-Abangane Besifazane Imingcele Ongafunga Ngayo

Iyini imingcele yomngane wesoka nowesifazane? Ukuze siphendule lokho, ake siqale sibuze umbuzo wakudala, “Ingabe amadoda nabesifazane bangaba abangane?” Yebo! Amafilimu asenza sizizwe ngenye indlela. Lapho uHarry Met Sally ungomunye wabo. Umqondo wokuthi bonke ubungane bobulili obuhlukile buhlala buphenduka ezothando uyaxaka. Iqiniso liwukuthi amadoda adinga ubungane besifazane be-platonic ezimpilweni zabo futhi abesifazane badinga ubungane babesilisa be-platonic.

KwaSapadin cwaningo, amadoda alinganise ubungane bobulili obuhlukile phezulu ngekhwalithi iyonke, injabulo, nokongiwa kunobungani bawo bobulili obufanayo. Ababika ukuthi bakuthanda kakhulu ukukhuluma nabesifazane (kwabasiza ukuba bathole umbono ngobulili obuhlukile) - into abangakwazi ukuyenza nabangani babo besilisa. Nokho, lobu bungane bungasimama kuphela uma kubekwa imingcele enempilo.

15 Isoka-Abangane Besifazane Imingcele Ongafunga Ngayo

Ngokuvumelana ne ucwaningo, abantu abathembisene umshado, uma kuqhathaniswa nabantu abangashadile, abathandanayo, nabashadile, banezimo zengqondo ezingezinhle ngokuphathelene nobungane obungcono kakhulu bobulili obuhlukile. Okunye cwaningo bathole ukuthi u-64% wabesilisa kanye no-44% wabesifazane babike ukuthi abangani babo bobulili obuhlukile baba abalingani babo bocansi ngesikhathi esithile phakathi kobungani (okuvamile 'abangani kwabathandi'isimo). 

Ngakho-ke, ubungane bunethuba lokuguqukela ebuhlotsheni bocansi uma kungabikho imingcele yabangane besoka nabesifazane. Nawa amanye amathiphu abo bonke abesifazane abathandana nabafana abanabangane besifazane abaningi:

1. Udinga ukuphumela obala ngawe mayelana nobungane bakhe besifazane

Alikho iphutha ngesoka elinomngane wesifazane oseduze. Ukuba sebudlelwaneni akufanele nanini kusho ukuvalelisa kubalingani bakho. Kodwa inkinga yangempela iphakama lapho isoka lakho liqala ukukufihlela izinto, njengalapho kufika kungazelelwe umngane omusha wesifazane elingakutsheli ngakho ngamabomu. Ngakho, ngamafuphi nje, kudingeka athembeke ngokuphelele. Abafana abanabangane besifazane abaningi badinga ukuphumela obala ngalezi zindlela ezilandelayo:

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• “Hhayi, ngizodla isidlo sasemini noRita namuhla”
• “Ubenenkinga yokukhathazeka, ngakho wangishayela ucingo ngo-1 ekuseni”
• "Sake sahlangana kodwa lokhu bekungakangihlangani nawe"

2. Kufanele akufake ezinhlelweni zeqembu ngezinye izikhathi

Ngake ngaba nesoka elalinabangane besifazane abaningi kakhulu. Akasoze enze umzamo wokuthi sihlangane. Ngangihlale ngizizwa sengathi ngingaphandle futhi lokhu kwangenza ngazizwa ngingalondekile kakhulu. Ngithembe, uma isoka lakho lingakwethuli kubangani balo besifazane, lizizwa lingenanhlonipho.

Ngakho-ke, uma isoka lakho lisondelene kakhulu nomngane wesifazane omdala noma omusha, kudingeka liqinisekise ukuthi lisungula ubuhlobo phakathi kwenu nobabili, okungukuthi, uma nobabili nikufuna lokho. Nazi izinto okufanele azenze uma nihlezi nobabili:

• Akufanele akwenze uzizwe ungabonakali futhi kufanele afune ukujabulela ukuba nomlingani wakhe nomngane wakhe ngokulinganayo
• Akufanele akhulume ngawe phambi komngane wakhe noma ayeke ngokuzumayo nayo yonke i-PDA evamile
• Kufanele aphule iqhwa phakathi kwakho nomngane wakhe ukuze ungazizwa ungekho endaweni

3. Abangane besifazane akufanele basetshenziswe njengozakwethu bommeleli

Cabanga ngalesi simo: Kancane kancane uye walahlekelwa ubuhlobo obusuka enhliziyweni nesoka lakho. Kodwa akakuqapheli lokho ngoba ubungane bakhe besifazane bufeza konke okwakhe izidingo ezingokomzwelo. Ngokungazi, usebenzisa labo bangane njengendlela yokufihla, ukuze aziphazamise ekubhubhiseni okuzayo ebuhlotsheni bakho.

Ngakho-ke, qiniseka ukuthi akasebenzisi abangani bakhe njengezikhiphi. Ngolunye usuku oluhle, uma ebasusa labo bangane esithombeni, iqiniso ngobuhlobo benu liyomshaya kakhulu. Bonke ubuthakathaka namaphutha esibophweni yayizokhula futhi wayezogcina ebona ubudlelwano bakho ukuthi buyini ngempela.

4. Akumele akuthukuthelise ngobungane bakhe besifazane

Yini engaba yimbi ukwedlula ukwephula imingcele yabangane besoka nabesifazane? Yena ekwenza uzizwe sengathi uyahlanya! Uma ujola nomfana onabangane besifazane abaningi, nazi ezinye izibonelo ze-gaslighting ukuthi kufanele agweme ukusebenzisa:

• Lapho ubuza umbuzo ofaneleke ngokuphelele mayelana nokuthi ukuphi, angase athi, “Babe, kungani udinga ukwazi?
• “Uhlezi ungazethembi futhi unomona, kukhona okungalungile ngawe”
• Lapho umfica edlala ngothando nomngane wakhe wesifazane, angase athi, “Ingabe uzoyeka ukusabela ngokweqile?

5. Imingcele yabangane besoka-besifazane okufanele ufunge ngayo - ibhalansi enkulu yezokuxhumana

Omunye wemingcele ebaluleke kakhulu yamasoka anabangane abakhulu besifazane ukugcina indlela yokuziphatha ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Uma efaka izithombe/izindaba nabangani bakhe besifazane futhi engakukhulumi nhlobo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, kungokwemvelo ukuthi uzizwe sengathi ukufihlile emhlabeni. Iba nengxoxo naye:

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• Yini azizwa ekhululekile ukuyixoxa nabalandeli bakhe ngobudlelwano bakhe bothando?
• Uma engakhululekile ngalokho, kodwa esabhala mayelana nabangane bakhe (kungakhathalekile ubulili), ungabelana ngokuthi lokho kukwenza uzizwe kanjani, noma ubuze ukuthi kungani lokho kukwenza uzizwe kabi.
• Xoxa ngemingcele yedijithali okufanele ayigcine lapho ethumela isithombe nomngane wakhe wesifazane oseduze (ngokwesibonelo, kufanele abhale izingcaphuno/ amazwibela obungane futhi akukho okunye ngaphandle kwalokho)

6. Ungavumeli abangani bakhe bangenele ezikhathini zakho zokuphola

Ukubeka imingcele nabangani besifazane kusho ukubadlulisela ukuthi bubaluleke kangakanani ubusuku bakho bosuku. Abangane bakhe kufanele bahloniphe isikhathi sakho sombhangqwana esingcwele. Uma bengenelela 'esikhathini sethu' njalo, kungaholela ekutheni izimpi ebudlelwaneni bakho. 

Uma engayibeki imingcele nabangani besifazane, uzogcina usuzizwa sengathi uyisondo lesithathu. Awufanele ukuchitha usuku lwakho lothando ebusuku ulalele izindaba zabo zobuntwana. 

7. Udinga ukuqapha uthando lwakhe olungokomzimba nokusondelana nabangane bakhe besifazane

Yebo, sithola ukuthi ukholelwa ebudlelwaneni bukaplatonic. Kodwa ngenxa yobuhlobo obunokuthula futhi uze uzijwayeze nabangani bakhe besifazane futhi uqale ukubathemba, kufanele agcine izandla zakhe kuye. Ukudansa eduze kakhulu nesithandwa sakhe kungase kuholele empini ende lapho ebuyela ekhaya. Akakufuni lokho, akunjalo?

Ngakho-ke, ngisho noma esondelene kakhulu nomngane wesifazane, akufanele ahlanganyele ekuthintaneni ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokusondelana okungajwayelekile. Futhi akusho ukuthi, kumele agweme a isimo abangani-ne-izinzuzo. Lokho ngokusobala kungabala njengokungathembeki uma ubuhlobo benu buwumfazi oyedwa.

8. Angakuhlebi kumngane wakhe omkhulu

Ukuhleba kungaba mnandi futhi kujabulise. Kodwa ubengazizwa kanjani uma amatafula ephendulwa? Bekungeke yini kumbulale amathumbu uma engathola ukuthi ukhuluma kabi ngaye?

Eqinisweni, a cwaningo bathola ukuthi ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zothando nophathina okukhulunywa ngaye kwaba nomthelela omuhle kakhulu ebuhlotsheni, kuyilapho “ukuhlukana nomlingani uye kumngane kungase kubhebhethekise izinkinga zobudlelwane futhi kube nomthelela ekungazinzini kwezothando.” 

Mhlawumbe ukuhleba kuwumkhuba wakhe wokuquleka noma uzizwa engalondekile ngokwanele ukuba akuthulule isifuba. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yiziphi izizathu zakhe, inhlebo engenangqondo ingaba nomthelela omubi ekwethembeni/ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni bakho bothando. Nazi ezinye izinto AKUMELE azitshele abangani bakhe ngobudlelwano benu:

• I-nitty-gritty yempilo yakho yocansi (amaphupho ocansi, ukuthi ulala kangaki, njll.)
• Izimfihlo zakho, ukungazethembi, kanye nokwehluleka kobudlelwano obudlule
• Uhola malini/ukhokhela ini
• Ukunambitheka kwakho okungalungile kwezipho

9. Akufanele akhulumele umngane wakhe wesifazane

Uma ethathela umngane wakhe wesifazane izinqumo, kufanele akuyeke manje lokho. Akukhona nje ukungahloniphi, kodwa kuwuphawu lokuthi uzama ukuba nomnikazi nokulawula. Yebo, bangabangane abahle, kodwa akudingeki ukuthi abonise ukuthi bobabili basondelene kangakanani nawo wonke umuntu ngokukhulumela yena mayelana nezinto azithandayo, angathandi, nemibono yakhe.

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Indlela aphatha ngayo abangani bakhe besifazane ekugcineni ingase yehlele nakuwe. Ngakho-ke, qaphela ukuziphatha kwakhe nesimo sengqondo esibazungezile ngokucophelela.

10. Kumele akhe imibono 'eyakhe' ngawe

Ngokuvumelana ne ucwaningo, maningi amathuba okuba ube nesitebele/ubuhlobo obunempilo uma abangani bakho bekuvumela. Uma sekushiwo, khumbula njalo ukuthi ukuvunyelwa kwabangane bakhe besifazane akukhona ukuphela kokuhlolwa kwe-litmus. Ngezinye izikhathi, ngisho nabangane bangakuthola kungalungile, akunjalo?

Mhlawumbe unamahloni futhi abangani bakhe awenzi mzamo wokukwenza ukhululeke. Mhlawumbe benza iphutha elikhulu ekwahluleleni kwabo. Angakwazi njalo ukulalela lokho abangani bakhe abakushoyo. Kodwa ekugcineni, kufanele akhe umbono wakhe, ngokusekelwe kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Abangane bakhe abakwazi njengaye.

11. Kufanele alinganisele isikhathi sakhe phakathi kwakho nomngane wakhe omkhulu

Emingceleni yomngane wesoka nowesifazane, akudingeki akhethe izinhlangothi. Angakwazi ukumane enze ukulingana okuhle. Noma ubani omphoqayo ukuba akhethe phakathi kwakho noma umngane wakhe omkhulu ngokuqinisekile akanazo izithakazelo zakhe ezingcono kakhulu enhliziyweni yakhe.

• Akufanele alahle izinhlelo nawe ngomzuzu wokugcina ngenxa yabo
• Akumele ahlale nawe kuphela lapho abangani bakhe bengatholakali (futhi okuphambene nalokho)
• Akufanele wenziwe uzizwe sengathi ungowesibili ohamba phambili futhi awuyena oza kuqala kuye

12. Imingcele yesoka nabesifazane abangafunga ngayo - Kumelwe igweme ukuholela umngane wayo phambili

Mhlawumbe uyakuthanda ukunaka kwakhe noma mhlawumbe kunemizwa engaxazululiwe futhi wesaba kakhulu ukuyiveza. Noma ngabe ikuphi, akulungile ukumnika izimpawu ezixubile. Nazi ezinye izimpawu zokuthi uhola umngani wakhe wesifazane engahlosile:

• Emtshela yonke imininingwane ngempilo yakhe nsuku zonke
• Ukudlala ngothando engazi noma ukukubiza ngokuthi 'ukudlala ngothando okunempilo'
• Ukubonisa umona lapho ezihlalele nomunye umuntu/uyashaywa

Kuyena, ukuhamba naye ibanga elide enomculo kungaba ukushayela okukodwa okuhle. Kodwa angase enze iphutha ngokukholelwa ukuthi usuku olulodwa. Angase afunde phakathi kwemigqa noma athole umbhalo ongezansi ezenzweni zakhe ezilula, futhi akholelwe ukuthi umnika 'i-vibe'. Lokhu kungaba nemiphumela emibi kakhulu. Uthando olungapheli kubuhlungu phela.

13. Akumele abe nezinkinga zobudlelwane nomuntu angathandana naye

Uma eshawa umngane othile ngezincomo nangezipho, kungase kumdukise. Udedele imigoqo nemingcele ngoba ukhululekile kuye. Kodwa angase akuhumushe ngendlela ehlukile ngokuphelele. 

Kuyakhathaza uma yena nomngane wakhe bexabene futhi bazilungise njengoba bekungenza izithandani. Uma belandelana futhi bencengana ukuthi bangayeki isibopho, bobabili banjalo beholana futhi angase alimale kule nqubo. Ukomunye ubudlelwano engazi nokuthi. Futhi unezinkinga zobudlelwano nomuntu angathandani naye.

14. Kufanele agcine imigudu yezokuxhumana evulekile futhi enenhlonipho uma kwenzeka unokukhathazeka okufanelekile ngabangane bakhe besifazane

Mhlawumbe ubizwa ngokuthi 'unempahla' noma 'ungavikelekile' njalo lapho uzwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakho. Noma mhlawumbe kufanele ubukele umngane wakhe omkhulu emthanda kuyo yonke imibuthano nemicimbi yokuzijabulisa. Dweba umngcele wakho. Uma idrama ifika empilweni yakho yengqondo, futhi engabonisi zimpawu zokuxazulula inkinga, sekuyisikhathi sokuyiqeda. 

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Ufanelwe ngumuntu okwenza uzizwe ubonwa futhi uzwiwe. Ufanelwe ukuphathwa ngenhlonipho, njengokubalulekile kothile. Ngakho-ke, cabanga kancane futhi wenze ukukhetha okungazuzisa 'yakho' injabulo yesikhathi eside. Uma lokho kudinga ukuthi umkhulule, makube njalo. 

15. Akumele alingise imikhuba yenu yokuthandana nabangani bakhe besifazane

Ezinye izinto zenzelwe nina nobabili kuphela. Uma ngothando ekubiza ngokuthi “Baby” kodwa esebenzisa lelo gama ukuze akhulume nabo bonke abangani bakhe besifazane, ungamtshela nakanjani ukuthi adwebe umugqa. Ngokufanayo, uma nobabili ninomkhuba wokudlela eMcDonald's ngeSonto ntambama, kungcono angalingisi lokho nabangane bakhe besifazane.

Ekugcineni, ungakhohlwa ukuthi uzithande kanjani, ngenkathi ubeka imingcele yabangane besoka nabesifazane. Yebo, ungumuntu othandana naye kodwa lokhu kungenye yezinto eziningi onazo. 

Ungakhohlwa izidingo zakho. Zinike isikhathi, ukuze uhlole ubuwena ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho. Iyini imigomo yakho yomsebenzi? Yini esohlwini lwakho lwamabhakede?

Lithenjwa Kanjani Isoka Elinabangane besifazane

Uma isoka lakho linomngane oseduze wesifazane, wazi kanjani ukuthi akayena uPam kuJim wakho? Kuthiwani uma ekugcineni unguKaren kusuka The Office? Nawa amanye amathiphu okuthi ungalethemba kanjani isoka lakho nabangani besifazane:

• Isoka lakho kufanele libe qotho/elingafihli lutho/lihlanganise wonke umuntu
• Cacisa amafulegi akho abomvu ngokucacile (izingcingo zasebusuku naye, ufihla izinto, njll.)
• Dala imingcele ongayilandela uma kwenzeka kubangane bakho besilisa
• Ungaziphathi ku-a indlela yokwenza-nolaka nabangani bakhe besifazane
• Ungalindeli ukuthi uzoqeda abangani bakhe ukuze nje ehlise ukungalondeki kwakho
• Veza imizwa yakho yesikhwele, “Lokhu kungenza ngingakhululeki/Ngikhathazekile ngokuthi … ”
• Nikeza umlingani wakho indawo eyanele ukuze abe nempilo ngaphandle kobudlelwano
• Zama ukujwayelana nabangane bakhe besifazane (yakha ubuhlobo nabo)
• Khuluma ngomhawu wakho kubantu abangakhethi, njengezingane zakini/abanye abangani/umelaphi

Mayelana nemingcele yomngane wesoka nowesifazane, umfundi ku I-Quora wabhala, “Isivumelwano siphakathi kwabantu ababili noma ngaphezulu.

Njengoba esho kufanele, uma isoka lakho linabangane abaningi besifazane, hlala ukhuluma nomuntu wakho. Uma umngane oyedwa wesifazane ehlala efuna ukuzikhipha naye noma uma isoka lakho livikela abangani balo besifazane ngokweqile, vele uthi, “Heyi, lokhu kungenza ngingakhululeki. Ake sixoxe/sixoxisane ngemithetho ethile eyisisekelo kuqala.”

Okokugcina, uma usanenkinga yokuthi ungalethemba kanjani isoka lakho kubangani besifazane, ungakwazi njalo ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe. Kungokufanayo kumasoka angakwazi ukubeka imingcele enempilo nabangane bobulili obuhlukile. Eyethu abeluleki abavela kuphaneli yeBonobology bamane ngokuchofoza nje.

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