Yini Okufanele Uyenze Uma Uzizwa Unqanyuliwe Kumlingani Wakho?

Ingabe uzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani wakho? Ukunqanyulwa kobudlelwane kuvamile ngokwanele, ikakhulukazi uma nichithe isikhathi esincane ndawonye futhi izinto mhlawumbe zihamba kancane, noma benithathana kalula. Mhlawumbe kunomgoqo wezingxabano ezingaxazululiwe ezinqwabelana phakathi kwenu nobabili, okunenza nizizwe niqhelelene, noma mhlawumbe ubudlelwano benu buyantenga ngokungenanjongo ningenanjongo.

Kungenzeka ukuthi lokhu kunqanyulwa kwemizwelo kungase kuthinte impilo yakho yocansi, ngoba ukusondelana ngokomzimba akukwenzeli wena. Noma uzizwa ulahlekelwa ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho ngemva kokufika kwengane endaweni yesigameko. Izizathu zokuthi kungani abantu behlukana ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni zingahlukahluka. Umbuzo uwukuthi, wenzani ngokulandelayo ukuze uvuselele lobu budlelwano obunqanyuliwe?

Ingabe ucabanga ngokumtshela ukuthi uzizwa unqanyuliwe noma umtshele ukuthi uyaqhela? Uyiveza kanjani? Futhi ulivala kanjani igebe? Siletha umqeqeshi wokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo kanye nokucabangela Pooja Priyamvada (kugunyazwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health Usizo Lokuqala oluvela ku-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye ne-University of Sydney), osebenza ngokukhethekile ekwelulekeni ngezindaba ezinjengobudlelwane bangaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, nokulahlekelwa, ukwabelana ngemininingwane namathiphu.

Kusho Ukuthini Ukuzizwa Unqanyuliwe Ebudlelwaneni?

UPooja uyachaza, “Ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani womshado kusho ukuthi kukhona ukuntula ukuxhumana futhi oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani banomuzwa wokuthi abazwakali noma abaqondi. Lokhu kungase kube ngenxa yebanga langempela (aka a ubudlelwano bebanga elide) noma ngezinye izikhathi ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo. Ukunqanyulwa kobudlelwano kungase kuzwakale sengathi ayikho injabulo noma ubuhle obusele ebudlelwaneni.”

yini edala ukunqamuka ebudlelwaneni

Oh, siyaqiniseka ukuthi uyahlanya ngothando nge-SO yakho. Ngokwemvelo, umcabango othi "Kungani ngizizwa nginqanyuliwe kumlingani wami?" kumele ngabe uyakubulala. "Kwenzekeni kithi, othandweni lwethu?" awukwazi ukuqonda. Wonke umbhangqwana unezingqayizivele zawo ashukumisayo ebudlelwaneni okuletha amasethi ahlukene ezinkinga zobudlelwano. Ngakho-ke, singase singakwazi ukubeka umunwe esizathwini esiqondile sokuthi kungani uzizwa ukude futhi unqanyuliwe, kodwa singakuqondisa ngezizathu ezingase zibe khona.

An esihlokweni eshicilelwe yi-Utah State University iphakamisa ukuthi ibanga, ukungaboni ngaso linye, ukuzivikela, kanye nezinselele zempilo yansuku zonke ngezinye zezizathu zokunqamuka ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. U-Pooja uthi, "Ukunqamula ukuxhumana kungaba ngokomzimba, ukuhlakanipha, noma imizwa." Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuthi uzibuze, “Kungani ngizizwa ngikude nozakwethu?,” ake ubheke uhlu lwethu olubanzi ukukhomba izici ezibalulekile ezenza ubuhlobo obunqanyuliwe:

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• Ngezinye izikhathi, abalingani bangaba kude ngokomzimba kodwa bazizwe bexhumene, futhi ngezinye izikhathi, abantu abahlala ndawonye bangazizwa beqhelelene ngokuphelele futhi benqanyuliwe ngenxa yengcindezi, ukugula, noma ukucindezeleka.
• Ngezinye izikhathi, zonke ezinye izici zobuhlobo zingase zibe khona, kodwa umbhangqwana ungase uzizwe unqanyuliwe ngokocansi
• Isiko le-Hustle ligcina abantu bematasa kakhulu kulezi zinsuku, okuholela ekunqanyulweni kobudlelwano
• Ukuntuleka kokusebenzelana okunenjongo nokulalela okumatasa kungenza abalingani bahlukane ngokomzwelo komunye nomunye
• Kwesinye isikhathi, izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe ziba yimbangela enkulu yalokhu kulahleka kokuxhumana, ukwakha udonga lokuzicabangela kanye nokucasuka.
• Ukulahlekelwa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukwenzeka ngokwendalo njengoba abantu bekhula nezinto eziza kuqala kubo nendlela yokubuka umhlaba ushintsha

Ngokusho kwe-Quora umsebenzisi, ukunqanyulwa kobudlelwano kwenzeka ngoba, “Mhlawumbe, ubudlelwano bufinyelele umvuthwandaba futhi mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ngidedele ngiqhubeke. Mhlawumbe usukhulile ubuhlobo bakho. Mhlawumbe kunesidingo sokuthi nina nobabili niphinde nixhumane ngokwenza izinto eziningi ndawonye. Into eyodwa eqinisekile ukuthi isipiliyoni sakho sokunqamula sihlobene kakhulu nawe kunokuphathelene nomlingani wakho. Cishe ubhekene nohlobo oluthile lwesikhala futhi igebe yinto ongazigcwalisela wena kuphela.”

Izimpawu Eziphezulu Eziyisi-9 Zokunqamula Ubudlelwano

Umfundi wethu uMelissa waseFlorida uyabhala, “Ngizizwa ngikude nesoka lami. Ngiyezwa ukuthi kukhona okungalungile kuzibalo zethu kodwa angazi ukuthi kuyini.” Hhayi-ke, singathanda ukusho ukuthi lokho kuyinto evamile ngokuphelele, uma kubhekwa ukuthi izimpawu zokunqanyulwa kobudlelwano zingaba ezicashile ngezinye izikhathi. Ngakho-ke, yiziphi izimpawu ezivamile zobudlelwano obunqanyuliwe okudingeka uzibheke? Nalu uhlu olunemininingwane:

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1. Niyekile ukwabelana ngempilo yenu nodwa

Manje, kuhle ukuba nezimfihlo ezivela kumlingani wothando, ukugcina imfihlakalo, futhi futhi ngoba ezinye izinto akuzona nje ibhizinisi labo! Kodwa ukwabelana kuyingxenye ebalulekile a ubudlelwano obunempilo. Kungaba imicabango, amahlaya amabi, izinto zokuzilibazisa, noma i-akhawunti ye-Netflix, ukwazi ukuthi unesibopho lapho utshelana khona izinto eziningi kududuza ngokujulile.

Uma uzizwa unqanyuliwe kumngane womshado, indawo okwabelwana ngayo phakathi kombhangqwana ishwabana ngokuzenzakalelayo. Kuphakathi kokuthi uzwa sengathi bakude futhi abanandaba noma awukuzwa ukunethezeka nokwethenjwa okudingekayo ukuze wabelane ngakho. Vele uqhubeke uphila izimpilo zakho ezihlukene, ujabule embuthanweni wakho, ngaphandle kwanoma yimuphi umzamo wokusungula ukuxhumana kwangempela nomlingani wakho.

2. Kuningi ukungqubuzana ebudlelwaneni benu

A ukuphikisana okunempilo kungaba yinzuzo ebuhlotsheni, kodwa kunomugqa phakathi kokususa umoya okudala nokulimaza ngamabomu noma ukulwa ngezinto ezincane ngaphandle kwesizathu. Kuzo zonke izimpawu zokunqanyulwa kobudlelwane ebudlelwaneni, ukungqubuzana okuningi kuyinkinga enkulu. Kwenzeka uma ningekho ekhasini elilodwa nganoma yini empilweni futhi konke ukuba khona komlingani wakho kubonakala kukukhathaza ngaso sonke isikhathi.

3. Wena nomlingani wakho nizizwa nikude ngokomzwelo

Uma unalowo muzwa obeleselayo wokuthi “Angixhunyiwe ngokomzwelo nesoka/intombi yami,” zihlole wena kanye nemizwa yakho noma ukuntula kwayo. Ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo akusho ngempela ukuntula uthando, kodwa ukungakwazi ukuveza lolo thando ngendlela umlingani wakho ayidinga ngayo. Ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani ngokuvamile kuvame ukubangelwa umehluko wezindlela enibonisana ngazo uthando komunye nomunye.

“Bengineminyaka emibili ngithandane naye ibanga elide thanda izilimi ukuthinta ngokomzimba nesikhathi sekhwalithi, futhi akukho neyodwa yazo eyagcwaliseka ebudlelwaneni. Impilo yethu yocansi yayilenga ocingweni futhi sayeka ngokuphelele ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Ngisho nalapho sixoxa, ngangizizwa ngikude naye ngokomzwelo,” kusho uRita, 31, osebenzela indawo yokudlela eNashville.

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4. Ukungakhathaleli nokukhathalelana

Uma uzizwa uqhelelene nozakwenu, kunethuba lokuthi ukushukuma komzimba okukubophele ndawonye zonke lezi zinsuku manje akusekho. Ubudlelwano busekelwe ekusebenzelaneni kwansuku zonke nasezenzweni zomusa nokunakekela, ngakho-ke uma lokho kungenzeki, kunzima ukusekela imizwa ejulile enake yaba nayo ngomunye nomunye.

Ibanga elingokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni lingabonakala njengoba nobabili nikhathele kakhulu noma ninganakekeli. Uma umlingani wakho engaseyena umuntu ongathembela kuye ukuze uthole induduzo ngemva kosuku olubi, noma bengenandaba nokuncane izinto ezikujabulisayo, kuzodala igebe elikhulu nokunqanyulwa kobudlelwano.

5. Ukuntula ukusondelana ngokocansi

Amandla kanye ukubaluleka kocansi ebudlelwaneni ayikwazi ukubukela phansi. Uma impilo yakho yocansi ingekho nhlobo noma kukhona ukuntula okucacile kokusondelana ngokocansi, kuwuphawu lokuthi ubudlelwano bakho abuqini njengakuqala. Ukungabi naso isithakazelo ocansini kwangemva kokubeletha kungashiya nophathina ababili bezizwa bekude futhi benqanyuliwe.

Ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani wakho ocansini kuyinto enzima ukuba ube kuyo. Umcabango wokuqala ofikayo engqondweni ukuthi umlingani wakho akasakutholi ukhanga. Ungase uqale ukuzibuza ukuthi ngabe bayajola, noma ucabangele ukungathembeki ngokwakho.

6. Intukuthelo nokukhungatheka kubusa ubuhlobo benu

Asicabangi ukuthi ubudlelwano budalwa umoya we-unicorn, uthingo, kanye ne-gossamer. Kukhona zonke izinhlobo zemizwa engemihle evukayo - umona, ukucasuka, ukuzilimaza, njll. Kodwa, ngokuyinhloko, ubudlelwano bothando budinga ukukulethela injabulo isikhathi esiningi futhi bukwenze uzizwe ujabule ngawe.

Uma imizwa yakho evamile ngomunye nomunye ingulaka nokukhungatheka, isinyathelo esilandelayo siyoba ukuhlukana kwemizwelo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ngemuva kwakho konke, ngubani ofuna ukuhlala exhumene nokungabi nalutho okuqhubekayo? Ukuzizwa uhlukene nomngane womshado ngokuvamile kuvame ukuhlotshaniswa nemizwa yentukuthelo eqhubekayo, ukungabi nakuzisiza, nokukhungatheka.

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7. Ulokhu ufuna izindlela zokubalekela

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezivame kakhulu zobudlelwane obunqanyuliwe ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nifuna ukunethezeka nenjabulo kwenye indawo hhayi komunye nomunye. Ungathanda ukuhlala sekwephuzile ehhovisi esikhundleni sokuchitha isikhathi nabo. Ubloma emaqenjini omphakathi ahlukene. Izincazelo zakho zokuzijabulisa nokuzinakekela manje sezihlukene kakhulu.

Izingxoxo ezijulile ebezivame ukwenzeka phakathi kwakho nozakwenu sezishintshele kumngane noma ilungu lomndeni oyisithenjwa sakho esisha. Iqiniso lokuthi nizothatha isikhathi eside ukuze niqhelelane libonisa ukushoda okucacile ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo.

8. Ukuntuleka komzamo ebudlelwaneni kusuka nhlangothi zombili

“Kungani ngizizwa nginqanyuliwe kumlingani wami?,” uyazibuza. Impendulo yakho ngokuvamile ilele ku-zero ngaphandle komzamo owenziwe ebudlelwaneni obuvela komunye wabo noma bobabili abalingani. Izifundo khombisa ukuthi umzamo udlala indima enkulu ekwanelisekeni nasekuzinzeni kobudlelwano. Ukwehlukana kuvamile lapho oyedwa noma bobabili abalingani bengakwazi ukuhlanganisa amandla okugcina umzamo wobudlelwane motor ukuhamba.

Mhlawumbe ukhathele kakhulu ukuthi ungacabangi nokumtshela ukuthi uzizwa unqanyuliwe. Mhlawumbe akawenzi neze umzamo wokukubuka kahle, ingasaphathwa eyokuba nezingxoxo ezijulile nawe. Ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani kungabangelwa ukuntula umzamo, ngoba ubudlelwano bumayelana nokufaka umsebenzi.

9. Awukhulumi ngekusasa

Khumbula, bekunesikhathi lapho ubungakhuluma ubusuku bonke uxoxa ngekusasa elinesithombe esihle ne-SO yakho? Umshado osondelene wangaphandle, ifulethi elibuka ipaki, ukuhamba emhlabeni wonke ndawonye - benibonakala nisekhasini elifanayo mayelana nokuthi ikusasa lizobukeka kanjani kini nobabili.

Futhi manje sekuyizinsuku, heck izinyanga njengoba usuphule nesihloko. Awuyizwa imizwelo owawunayo ngaphambili, futhi umlingani wakho akazizwa engafuni ukuthatha lobu budlelwano buyise kwelinye izinga. Kunjengokungathi nobabili nisohambweni lwenu futhi izikebhe zenu zihamba ziqhelelana. Lokho kuwuphawu olucacile lokunqanyulwa kobudlelwano.

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Ngimtshela Kanjani Umaqondana Wami Ukuthi Angizizwa Ngixhumekile?

Kumuntu ocabanga ukuthi “Ngizizwa ngikude nesoka/intombi yami,” sithi akusizi ukushaya ehlathini. Esikhundleni sokuvumela umcabango wakho ugijime futhi ugweme ukungqubuzana, noma uzibuze ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho uzizwa ukude nomlingani wakho, zama kuqala ukuthola ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani ngaso sonke isimo futhi umtshele ngesimo sakho sengqondo.

I-Quora umsebenzisi iphakamisa futhi siyavuma, "Yiba nengxoxo evulekile, nethembekile mayelana nendlela ozizwa ngayo ngomkhondo wobudlelwane bakho. Zimiseleni ukuthi nobabili nizimisele ukuwenza kusebenze. Thathani isivivinyo ukuze uthole zombili izilimi zenu zothando ukuze zikusize ubone kanjani ukuvuselela lolo thando.

"Ukuthintana ngokomzimba kungasiza ekukhuthazeni nasekuvuseleleni ubudlelwano bezothando. Nakulokhu, qiniseka ukuthi nobabili nikhona ukuze nihlale. uma engasafuni ukuba sebudlelwaneni, nizozilimaza nina ngokuzama ukumenza ahlale." Ngokusho kukaPooja, "Ayikho indlela elula yokubeka lokhu kumlingani." Unamanye amathiphu okuthi ungadambisa kanjani igalelo, nokho. Nakhu behamba:

• Zola futhi ube nomusa: Asikho isidingo sokusebenza futhi nokuba nomdlalo omemezayo lapha. (ngethemba) uzama ukusungula noma ukuvuselela uxhumano lapha, futhi inhlamba yomuntu siqu namazwi aphezulu ngeke kuxazulule lutho.
• Sebenzisa elithi 'thina' esikhundleni sokuthi 'wena': Ukulahlekelwa ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni akuvamile ukuba kube indlela eyodwa, futhi ukwenza konke mayelana nomlingani wakho akusizi. Izitatimende ezinjengokuthi “Awukwenzanga lokhu” kanye nokuthi “Awungiqondi nje” zizomane zimqhelelene nomlingani wakho. Uma ngokuzumayo uzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani, kwenze mayelana 'nathi', hhayi 'wena'
• Kwenze kube udaba oluhlanganyelwe ukuxazulula, hhayi umdlalo wokusola: Khumbula, awuzile ukuzosola umlingani wakho. I ukugxeka umdlalo awulokothi wenze ubuhlobo obunempilo. Ngakho-ke, ziqhelelanise nayo. Ukukhukhuleka ebudlelwaneni kungalungiswa. Kodwa njalo ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi konke kuyiphutha lakhe ngeke kusize ngobudlelwano obunqanyuliwe
• Thembeka ngokomzwelo: Uma uzwa sengathi anisichithi isikhathi esanele sekhwalithi nindawonye noma ukuthi ubudlelwano benu abuqini njengakuqala, tshela umlingani wakho ngakho. Ukungabi namhlane kuwuphawu lokunqanyulwa kobudlelwano, kodwa ukwethembeka ngokomzwelo kudlala indima enkulu ekwelapheni
• Prakthiza ukulalela okumatasa: Mhlawumbe uzizwa uqhelelene nomlingani wakho, kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele kube nguwe wedwa okhulumayo. Banike isikhathi nendawo yokuphendula uma usubatshelile indlela ozizwa ngayo futhi ulalele, lalela ngempela

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Amathiphu angu-7 Ochwepheshe Wokulungisa Ukuzizwa Unqanyuliwe Ebudlelwaneni

Kulungile, ngakho-ke sinemininingwane yezimpawu zokunqanyulwa kobudlelwano nokuthi ungayikhipha kanjani imizwa yakho lapho. Kodwa, uwulungisa kanjani lowo muzwa owesabekayo wokungabi nokuxhumana okungokomzimba noma okungokomzwelo nomlingani wakho? Ungesabi, sikuphathele iqolo.

1. Bhekanani njalo

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungaphinde uxhumane kanjani nozakwenu, yebo, isinyathelo sokuqala ukuvela. “Kulula ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside ukukhohlwa izinto ezincane ezenza umshado uqine, njengokubuzana nje ukuthi ninjani,” kusho uPooja “Belunjani usuku lwakho sithandwa?” isiphenduke ihlaya elifanele meme manje, kodwa uma sikhuluma iqiniso, kubalulekile ukuhlola nomlingani wakho nsuku zonke.

I-Reddit umsebenzisi usikhumbuza okuthile okubalulekile ukukhuthaza ukuxhumana ebuhlotsheni: "Ngezinye izikhathi lapho imizwa ingekho, kusuke kumayelana nokuqala izenzo ezifike nomzwelo. Nigcine nini ukunquma ukwenza okuthile ngothando komunye nomunye? Kunini lapho nigcine khona ukuzinika isikhathi sokwenza omunye azizwe ekhethekile noma ethandeka noma ethandwa? Ngiqinisekile ukuthi nobabili niyakhathalelana enijwayelene kakhulu, nithandane ngokwezinga elithile futhi nimtshele ngothando oluthile? muhle kangakanani kulelo hembe muva nje?" Kulelo nothi, ungase uzame okulandelayo:

• Babuze ukuthi banjani
• Khumbula into ababekhathazeke ngayo bese uyilandelela
• Uma ungenaso isikhathi sokuba nengxoxo ehilelekile, bagone futhi ubaqabule
• Bazise ukuthi ubamele nokuthi uyabacabanga, ukuze bangazizwa benqanyuliwe kumlingani wabo

2. Thola izindlela zokubonisa uthando lwakho nokubonga

Akekho owake wathi ubudlelwano buyikhekhe. Kudinga inani elanele lomzamo ukwenza izinto zisebenze kanye nokukhetha kahle amagama ukuze veza imizwa yakho. Futhi isenzo siyaphinda, nsuku zonke, inqobo nje uma nindawonye. Kulula ukuwela ogibeni lokuphila olubi, yingakho nasi isikhumbuzo esimnene sokuthi uvuke, uye kwelinye igumbi, futhi utshele intombi/isoka/umlingani wakho womshado ukuthi zibaluleke kangakanani kuwe. Nansi indlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho:

• Ukuze wakhe kabusha ukuxhumana okujulile, ezinye izenzo zomzimba zibalulekile nhlangothi zombili, futhi akudingekile ukuba zibe ezinkulu, ezothando.
• Vele uthi "ngiyakuthanda" okungenani kanye ngosuku futhi ushiye amanothi amahle komunye nomunye esiqandisini
• Letha izimbali noma uziphekele ukudla okukhethekile
• Mbonge futhi ubonge umlingani wakho noma nini lapho enza umzamo noma ekwenzela okuthile okuhle
• Qonda izilimi zothando zomunye nomunye ukuze uveze uthando lwakho ngokucacile
• Ukuba nozwela, uthando, nokunakekela kuyokulethela kancane kancane ababili, ngokomzwelo, nangokomzimba

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3. Hlela ubusuku bezinsuku

Siyaluthanda uhlelo oluhle lwasebusuku. “Ngangizizwa nginqanyuliwe ngokuphelele kumlingani wami ngemva kokuzala kwengane yethu futhi ngaqala ukucabanga ngokungahoshelani nobudlelwano,” kusho uJesse, 29, umdwebi we-landscape wase-Ohio. “Sake saqala ukuhlela imibono yobusuku bosuku, saba nesikhathi sodwa futhi senza umehluko omkhulu.” Uma unomuzwa wokuthi ubudlelwano bunqanyulwa, maningi amathuba okuthi awuchithi isikhathi ndawonye. Ngakho-ke, ungase uzame lokhu okulandelayo:

• Qhubeka futhi ube nobusuku bedethi obujwayelekile
• Bhuka itafula kuleyo ndawo yokudlela entsha
• Khetha imuvi noma uhlelo ofuna ukuzitika ngalo ukuze ubuke futhi ugone esofeni
• Iba nepikiniki noma uhlele uhambo lokuhamba ngezinyawo emzileni omuhle ngempela - amathuba awapheli

4. Faka izinongo ekamelweni

Ingabe ulokhu u-googling, "Ungaphinde uxhumane nozakwenu embhedeni"? Ukuzizwa unqanyuliwe ngokocansi kumlingani kungaba buhlungu futhi kukwenze ubuze yonke into. Izifundo bonisa ukuthi ukuntuleka kokuxhumana ngokomzwelo cishe kubangele umbhangqwana uqhelelane kunokungafinyeleleki ngokomzimba. Kodwa nakuba ngokuvamile ungase uthole abesifazane belele embhedeni, “Ngizizwa nginqamukile ngokomzwelo kumyeni wami,” ngeke sikuphike ukubaluleka kokuphinde uxhumeke ezingeni lomzimba, okufana nokuhlangana ngokomzwelo nokuhlakanipha ebudlelwaneni. Uma uzakwethu engakuzwa ukusondelana ngomqondo ongokomzimba, kungaba nzima kwesinye isikhathi ukuxhuma kunoma yiliphi elinye izinga. Futhi isixazululo silele ekuvuseleleni impilo yakho yocansi. Nansi indlela okwenza ngayo lokho:

• Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngezinto ezintsha ongazizama ekamelweni. Kungaba ubugqila, ukubuka izithombe zocansi ndawonye, ​​amathoyizi ocansi, noma izikhundla ezihlukene nje
• Kubalulekile futhi ukugxila kukho ukusondelana okungezona ezocansi. Ukuqabula esiphongweni, ukwanga okude, okufudumele, ukubamba izandla, nokunye kungase kube ukusondelana, uma kungenjalo
• Zibonise uthando (yebo, sisho amathoyizi ocansi, kanye nezinye izindlela zokuzinakekela). Zikhumbuze ukuthi njengomuntu ocansini, ufanelwe injabulo nenjabulo emzimbeni
• Mhlawumbe ungase ugeze uphumule futhi uzikhiphe ngobumnene futhi uzihlikihle umzimba. Kuzokunikeza ithuba lokuhlola umzimba wakho kanye namaphuzu okuzijabulisa uwedwa
• Ungakwazi futhi ukuphumula isikhathi esithile ekulungiseni izitho zakho eziseduze noma uhlanganyele emisebenzini yomzimba efana ne-kegel ukuze uthuthukise impilo yakho yezocansi.

5. Yiba nezingxoxo ezinzima

Uyazibuza ukuthi ungaphinde uxhumane kanjani nomlingani wakho? Hhayi-ke, uma uzizwa unqanyuliwe kumlingani wakho, kungase kwesabe ukukubeka ngamagama. Awazi ukuthi umlingani wakho uzizwa kanjani ngawe futhi ungase uzizwe ukhathazekile ukuthi sebuphelile ubudlelwano benu. Mhlawumbe, ucabanga ukuthi uma ungayinaki, izohamba. Manje, ngiyakujabulela ukuphika ngokwami, kodwa ngithembe, akusebenzi ebudlelwaneni, ikakhulukazi uma izinto sezinzima kakade futhi ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani ababili sekuphelile. Nansi indlela ongakulungisa ngayo lokho:

• Isinyathelo sokuqala sokunciphisa ubudlelwano obunqanyuliwe ukubhekana nakho. Iba naleyo ngxoxo yokuqala enzima ngendlela emangalisayo (sixoxile ngokuthi kwenziwa kanjani)
• Ungakugwemi. Ungakuhlehlisi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini umphumela, kungcono kunokuba ubambezeleke ku-limbo
• Ukuziba ngokucophelela noma ukunikeza ukwelashwa buthule akuyona indlela efanele yokwenza uma ufuna ngempela ukusungula ukuxhumana okuhle nomlingani wakho
• Zijwayeze ukulalela ngokucophelela futhi ugcine umqondo ovulekile ngokwamukela olunye uhlangothi lwendaba

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Kubalulekile Ukuba Isilaleli Esihle?

6. Thathani uhambo ndawonye

Isithukuthezi, imikhuba, i-monotony - lezi ngokuvamile amandla amakhulu akwenza uqhelelane nomlingani wakho noma ukuthathe kalula. Uma uzama ukwakha kabusha isisekelo sobudlelwano kusukela ekuqaleni, kuzoba umqondo omuhle ukuthi uzinike ikhefu empilweni ebikuphusha kakhulu. Hamba ogwini lolwandle, uthathe uhambo oluya ezintabeni, hambani niyokhempa - nobabili nje. Iwayini elithile, ukudla okuhle, izingxoxo ezijulile, nokugona okuningi - nakanjani kuzovuselela uthando olufihlwe ndawana thize enhliziyweni yakho ngobae wakho.

7. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Ukufuna isiqondiso sochwepheshe kungenye yezindlela ezingcono kakhulu ze ukuzithanda, sicabanga. Njengabantu, sonke sibhekene namaphutha, futhi akukho hlazo ekuceleni usizo oludinga kakhulu. Ukukhuluma nomelaphi womndeni, kungaba uwedwa noma njengombhangqwana, kukunikeza indawo ephephile yokukhipha yonke imizwa yakho engcolile futhi uthole indlela eya ekutholeni ukucaca nokwakheka okuthile.

Ukwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kuyindlela enhle yokumba ujule futhi uthole umthombo walokhu kunqanyulwa kobudlelwano ngenkathi uthembekile kuwena nomlingani wakho. Uma umlingani engazizwa esondelene ebudlelwaneni, usizo lwamukelekile njalo. Uma ufuna umeluleki oqeqeshiwe, onozwelo, khumbula ukuthi i-Bonobology's iphaneli yochwepheshe abanolwazi kumane ngokuchofoza nje.

Njengoba sesishilo, kuyinto evamile ukwehlukana ngokomzwelo nobudlelwano, kodwa ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa unqanyuliwe kungase kukushiye ukhathazekile. Lapho umlingani engakuzwa ukusondelana ebuhlotsheni, umzamo omncane, isikhathi, nokwethembeka kungasebenza izimanga. Ukunqanyulwa kobudlelwano akukhona nje ukungahoshelani omunye nomunye, kodwa futhi nokungenzi umzamo.

Uma uhlala uzitshela ukuthi, “Angixhunyiwe ngokomzwelo nesoka/intombi yami,” futhi ufuna ukwenza umsebenzi futhi ulungise izinto, zizwe ukhululekile kuwe. Kepha khumbula, kwesinye isikhathi ukuxhumana kuhlukaniswa ngesizathu, futhi akubona bonke ubudlelwano obungalungiswa. Futhi lokho kulungile, futhi.

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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