Ngisayithanda I Ex Yami: Ingabe Kujwayelekile Futhi Yini Okufanele Uyenze Uma Uzizwa Ngalendlela?

Ukuhlukana kungase kube nzima ngempela, futhi ukuzithola uhleba ukuthi “Ngisayithanda indoda yami” ngezikhathi ezithule kuyinto evamile ngokumangazayo. Ungase ulale uphapheme ngo-2 AM udlala kabusha izinkumbulo zakudala, noma uzwe ifindo esiswini sakho noma nini lapho ubona indawo enajwayele ukuyivakashela ndawonye. Le mizwa ingakushiya uzibuza, “Ingabe kujwayelekile ukuthi usathanda i-ex yami?” futhi “Kungani ngisayithanda i-ex yami, ngisho nangemva kwakho konke lokho okwenzekile?” Impendulo eqotho inguyebo - abantu abaningi bayadlula kulokhu. 

Akusho ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngawe. Kusho ukuthi ubukhathalela ngokujulile, futhi inhliziyo yakho idinga isikhathi ukuze ilulame. Kulesi sihloko, sizokukhombisa ukuthi kungani kungokwemvelo, uma kubuhlungu, ingxenye yenqubo yokuhlukana, futhi sikunikeze amandla ngamasu asebenzayo nemibono yokuqhubekela phambili. Cabanga ngalokhu njengomngane ongesekayo ohlezi phansi ukuze akusize uxazulule leyo mizwa eyinkimbinkimbi ethi “Ngiyayithanda i-ex yami” futhi uthole ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo.

Ngisayithanda I Ex Yami—Indaba ka-Alex 

U-Alex, 24, ubenenkinga yokuqhubeka kusukela umlingani wakhe weminyaka emine, uJamie, enqume ukuhlukana naye. Laba bobabili bebendawonye kusukela ekolishi. Ngalesi sikhathi, izinkulumo zasebusuku, uhambo lwangezimpelaviki, kanye namaphupho ahlanganyelwayo sekuyingxenye yemvelo yempilo ka-Alex kangangokuthi ngisho nezinyanga eziyisithupha ubuhlobo buphelile, uzizwa enesikhala empilweni yakhe. 

Ukuhlukana kwakukubi; kwakhala izinyembezi nezingxabano. Ngaphandle kokuluhlaza, noma lokho okuzwakale sengathi kumnyama ku-Alex, u-Jamie uthe kuzwakala sengathi ushintshile futhi waziqeda izinto. Ngemva kwezinyanga ezimbalwa, u-Alex wazama ukuqhubekela phambili futhi azibuyisele esimweni sokuthandana. Waze wahamba nezinsuku futhi waqala ukubona umuntu omusha ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva. Ebusweni bakho, kubonakala sengathi konke kuhamba kahle, uya phambili, usuku olulodwa, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi. Kodwa, ebusuku, uvame ukuzibamba ecabanga, “Ngiyamthanda owayeyisoka lami.” Noma ngokuthula, azibuze, “Ngisayithanda i-ex yami, kungani ngingayikhohlwa?” 

Uvame ukuya ekhefini yena noJamie ababevame ukuya kulo ngeSonto ekuseni. Iphunga lekhofi liyafana, futhi akalindele ukumbona ehleli etafuleni lakho elidala. Ngezinye izikhathi, ubheka izithombe zeholide labo lokugcina ndawonye, ​​efisa sengathi izinto bezihlukile. Ngosuku olunzima, ufisa ukumthumelela umyalezo noma ukulalela "ingoma yabo" ngokuphindaphindiwe. Phakathi kwakho konke, kukhona umuzwa wecala wokungabi nabulungisa kumlingani wakhe omusha. Umbuzo othi, "Kungani ngisathandana nowayengumlingani wami kanti nginomlingani omusha manje ?", uyamdla ngaphakathi. Kufana nokuthi ukhohlisa umlingani wakhe nomuntu ongasekho empilweni yakhe.

Lokhu kuba necala, ukudideka, nemizwa engqubuzanayo kuvame kakhulu lapho umuntu ebhekene nobuhlungu benhliziyo. Lapho u-Alex exoxa ngendaba yakhe ne-Bonobology, udokotela wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle wamphendula, ethi, "Lokhu kungqubuzana akuyona into engavamile. Phela, kunengcindezi enkulu yokunqoba othile uma esephumile empilweni yakho, kodwa iqiniso liwukuthi, ubuchopho bakho abuyona into eshintshashintshayo. Abucimi nje ngoba ubuhlobo buphelile. Yonke leyo minyaka yokuhlangenwe nakho okwabiwe ayishintshi futhi ayipheli." 

Imininingwane ingalokhu ibuya: ingoma ethile edlala emsakazweni, iphunga, noma isikhumbuzo. Kulezo zikhathi, uzwa lokho kudonsa, leyo mfudumalo ebuhlungu yothando engazange ivele ihwamuke, futhi ungase uzithole usucabanga, “Ngisayithanda ngempela i-ex yami, besinokuxhumana okuhle…” Kubuhlungu futhi kuyadida, ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukwakha okuthile okusha noma ukuya phambili.”

Okubalulekile ukuthi, lena indaba yabantu abaningi. Awuwedwa kulokhu. Abaningi abaye bahlukana bathola ukuthi emasontweni, ezinyangeni, noma ngisho neminyaka ngemva kwalokho, izingxenye zabo zisabambekile ebudlelwaneni obudlule. Kufana nokuba nonyawo olulodwa ngaphandle komnyango futhi olunye lusengaphakathi ebudlelwaneni. Ungase uzibuze njalo: "Ingabe ngizoke nginqobe i-ex yami?" "Ngabe yimi ngedwa ozizwa ngale ndlela?" UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Le mizwa iyingxenye evamile yokulahlekelwa othile owawusondelene nawe. Iyingxenye yenqubo yokululama ngokomzwelo ngemva kokuhlukana ,futhi izodamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uma uthatha izinyathelo zokuzinakekela futhi kancane kancane uyekele.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-9 Zokukhumbula Owayengumngane Wakho Wesikhathi Esidlule Nezinto Ezi-5 Ongazenza Ngakho

Ingabe Kujwayelekile Ukusathanda I Ex Yami?

Nakanjani, yebo. Kungase kwesabe noma kube namahloni ukukuvuma, kodwa ochwepheshe abaningi bobudlelwano baqinisekisa ukuthi ukuzala umuntu othandana naye kuyinto evamile. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Ernesto Lira de la Rosa sithi, “Uma usayithanda i-ex, lokho kuyinto evamile futhi KULUNGILE. 

Kucabange njengokudabukisa noma yikuphi okunye ukulahlekelwa. Njengoba nje ubungadabuka ngokushonelwa othandekayo, ukuqeda ubuhlobo obubalulekile kubangela ukusabela okufanayo ngokomzwelo ngisho nangokomzimba. Imizwa yakho izogcina ishintshile, kodwa kuze kube yileso sikhathi, kulungile ukuzinika isineke nokuqonda. Ngezansi kukhona amaphuzu abalulekile okufanele uwakhumbule mayelana nokuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka:

• Izinkumbulo "zezinsuku zakudala": Wena nomngane wakho wangaphambili nakhe umlando omningi owabiwe: ngaphakathi kwamahlaya, izindawo eziyintandokazi, izikhathi zamathenda. Umqondo wakho ngokwemvelo ugxila ezinkumbulo ezijabulisayo futhi ululaze ezimbi. Lapho izinkumbulo zilibala, kulula ukuqhubeka umthanda umuntu ohlobene nazo. Empeleni, i-nostalgia ingase ibeginkumbulo ezinhle futhi ukwenze ukhohlwe ezimbi. Isibonelo, ningase nidlale futhi izikhathi ezifana nokuhleka ndawonye, ​​kodwa hhayi ukulwa, okwenza owayekade ezwakale efanelekile
• Usalungisa ukulahlekelwa: Ukuqeda ubudlelwano kulahlekelwa ingxenye yempilo yakho yansuku zonke nezinhlelo zesikhathi esizayo. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi ngokwesilinganiso, kungathatha iminyaka emi-4 ukuthi uhhafu wesibopho somzwelo uphele. Abanye abantu abalokothi bayeke ngokuphelele ukuzwa ukuxhumana okuthile. Ngakho iqiniso lokuthi usabambelele empeleni lijwayelekile. Udabukisa isiphetho salokho obekubalulekile
• Ufisa ukwaziwa: Abantu banezintambo zokunamathisela. Ingqondo yakho ijwayela umkhuba wokufonelana, ukuthumelana imiyalezo, nokubona lowo muntu nsuku zonke. Uma lokho kuma, kudala i-vacuum. Kufana nokulangazelela ukunethezeka komkhuba omdala. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ubuchopho bakho bungazizwa ngisho nokuhoxa kulokho kuxhumana okulahlekile, ngakho umzimba nengqondo yakho kusunduzela leyo mizwa phezulu.”
• Awuphukile noma ubuthaka: Imizwa ye-ex ayilona uphawu lobuthakathaka noma ukuphuka. Kusho nje ukuthi ububathanda ngokujulile. Abantu abaningi, ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eminingi, basho izinto ezinjengokuthi “Ngisamthanda” noma “Angikwazi ukuyeka ukucabanga ngaye.” Ingazizwa inesizungu, kodwa empeleni kuyinto evamile kakhulu

Futhi yebo, ekugcineni uzophulukisa. Imizwa enamandla ayihlali unomphela. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umfutho uyaphela. Khumbula ukuthi ukuzizwa ngale ndlela kusho ukuthi ungumuntu futhi unamandla okuthanda. Kusho ukuthi usesigabeni sokuqala senqubo yokutakula ukuhlukana. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kusho Ukuthini Ukuphupha Ngomuntu Owake Wathandana Naye?

Indlela Yokudlula I-Ex Usayithanda - Amathiphu angu-7

Manje njengoba sesiyivumile le mizwa njengejwayelekile, ake sixoxe ngalokho ongakwenza ukuze uqale ukuqhubekela phambili. Uhambo luzothatha isikhathi, futhi aluyona indlela eqondile. Kuzoba nezinsuku ezinhle nezimbi. Kodwa kunezinyathelo eziqondile ongazithatha ukusiza ekunciphiseni ubuhlungu bese ekugcineni udedela. Siletha amathiphu ayisi-7 asekelwe ochwepheshe ukukusiza ukuthi uthathe leso sinyathelo sokuqala sokuyeka umuntu omthandayo . Khumbula ukuhamba ngejubane lakho, futhi uncike emasu azizwa ekufanele.

1. Ncika kunethiwekhi yakho yosekelo

Uma inhliziyo yakho ibuhlungu, ukuzihlukanisa kungenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Uhlelo lwakho lokusekela lubalulekile ngemva kokuhlukana . Bangakulalela, bakuphazamise, noma bahlale nawe buthule. Isibonelo, ungashayela umngane wakho oseduze uthi, “Nginosuku olunzima kakhulu,” bese ukhipha umoya noma ukhale. Lokhu akusikho ukulahla imizwa, kuwukukhipha umoya okunempilo. UDkt. Bhonsle ugcizelela ukuthi, “Ukuxhumana nabanye kuzokwenza uzizwe unesizungu kakhulu. Kulesi sigaba, ngeluleka kakhulu noma ngubani obhekene nemizwa ehlala isikhathi eside ukuba azame ukwakha ubungane obusha noma ancike kobukhona. Yamukela zonke isimemo sokuxhumana nabantu ongasithola bese uphuma.” Ngakho-ke,

• Xhumana nomuntu omethembayo uthi uyazabalaza
• Joyina iklabhu, ikilasi, noma umphakathi wosekelo ku-inthanethi, ngisho ne-subreddit noma inkundla, ukuze ukhulume nabantu abayitholayo
• Uma abangani bakumema ukuthi uphume, cabanga ukuhamba noma ungafuni. Ukuba phakathi kwabantu abanomusa kungashintsha isimo sakho sengqondo

Lokhu kusebenza futhi uma ubhekene nomuzwa wecala nokudideka mayelana nesimo esifana nokuthi, “Ngisebudlelwaneni kodwa ngisayithanda i-ex yami.” Ngisho noma unomlingani omusha, khuluma nabangani bakho ngemizwa yakho. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuzwa nje ukuthi, “Bengikhona futhi uzolunga,” kungaduduza ngendlela emangalisayo. Ukuzibandakanya nenethiwekhi yakho yokwesekwa kukunikeza imibono emisha futhi kukukhumbuza lonke uthando olusempilweni yakho.

2. Zivumele ukuba udabuke, kodwa ubeke umkhawulo

Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukukhala kakhulu bese uphelelwa yithemba ngemva kokuhlukana. Zivumele uzizwe udangele futhi uthukuthele isikhashana. Lezi yimizwa yangempela futhi ziyingxenye yenqubo yokululama ekuhlukaneni . Eqinisweni, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha uPella Weisman uthi, “Ukuhlukana kungaba yinto ebuhlungu kakhulu futhi kufanele uzivumele uzizwe ubuhlungu kunokuba ubuvale.” Kungasiza ukubukela ama-movie adabukisayo ngokweqile noma ukudla i-ayisikhilimu eduduzayo usuku olulodwa noma ezimbili. Kukhulule futhi ungazihlazi ngezinyembezi noma ukudabuka.

Nokho, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuthi ungahlali ubambekile ezinhlungwini unomphela. UDkt. Bhonsle uyeluleka, “Nakuba kulungile ukuchitha izinsuku ezimbalwa nje ukhala futhi ube nemizwa yakho, kufanele uzinikeze umugqa wesikhathi: mhlawumbe isonto lokuzigaxa, bese ugxila ezinyathelweni ezincane ukuze ubuyele endleleni efanele. Kucabange njengosizi ngemva kokulahlekelwa, kunezigaba. Ungase ube sekwenqabeni noma ekuxoxisaneni, “mhlawumbe ukube ngake ngenza ukunyakaza okuqondile, wamukele u-X…”.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Ukubuyela Emuva Kukwenza Ukhumbule Owayengumngane Wakho Kakhulu – Yazi Lapha

3. Yamukela iqiniso lokuhlukana

Esinye sezinyathelo ezinzima kakhulu ukuvuma ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile ngempela. Ungase uzizwe unethemba noma ucabange, “Mhlawumbe bazoshintsha umqondo wabo.” Kodwa ukwamukelwa kubalulekile. Umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano u-Trina Leckie uyaphawula, “Uma ungakwamukeli ukuthi kungani nahlukana, uhlezi usesimweni sokuphika, okube sekwelula ukuphola kwakho.” 

Zikhumbuze ngazo zonke izizathu zokuthi kungani ukuhlukana kube kuhle kakhulu. Imvamisa, abantu bagxila kakhulu kokuthi “Ngiyayithanda i-ex yami” futhi bangazinaki izinkinga eziholele ekwehlukaneni. Zama ukukhumbula noma yimaphi amafulegi abomvu noma izinkinga ezikhona. Ukube bekuzikhethele wena noma bona, zikhumbuze ukuthi abantu bayaphuma othandweni baqhubeke, kwenzeka kuwo wonke umuntu. 

Ukwamukela iqiniso ngeke kusho ukuthi uzoyeka ukumthanda ngokushesha, kodwa kuzokunikeza ukucaca ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile futhi bekungahlosiwe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unendaba kangakanani. Lokhu kwamukela kuzokusiza ekugcineni ulahlekelwe imizwa ngowayengumlingani wakho. Uma uvame ukuzithola uzibuza ukuthi, “ Ngiyoke ngimkhohlwe yini owayengumlingani wami ?”, nanka amasu ambalwa angasiza:

• Hhayi-ke ukuthi "uma-ke." Yeka ukudlala kabusha izimo ezifana nokuthi “Ukube bengisho lokhu…” Yamukela ukuthi ezinye izinto bezingaphezu kwamandla akho nokuthi nobabili nibe nesandla ekutheni kuphele kanjani.
• Gwema ukubenza babonakale bephelele. Kungokwemvelo ukukhumbula izinto ezinhle, kodwa zama ukuzilinganisa ngokuzikhumbuza ukuthi kungani kungazange kusebenze. Bhala uhlu lobuhle nobubi lobudlelwano. Thembeka mayelana nobubi
• Khumbula ukuthi ukudabuka nokuhlehla kuyinto evamile. Ukuba nomusa kuwe kubikezela imicabango embalwa engathandeki mayelana ne-ex. Khuluma wedwa njengoba ungenza umngane omuhle ozwa ubuhlungu

4. Thatha ikhefu kokuthintana nezikhumbuzi

Izikhumbuzo ezihlala njalo ze-ex yakho zingakuvimbela ekwelapheni. Ezweni lanamuhla, lokho kuvame ukufaka izinkundla zokuxhumana. Umelaphi uDkt. Gary Brown uze uncome ukuvimba noma ukuthulisa owake waphila nabangane bakhe ngokuphelele okungenani izinsuku ezingu-90. Cabanga nje uvuka ungawaboni amaposi abo, noma ungazi ukuthi benzani. Kuzonikeza imizwa yakho ithuba lokuzinza ngaphandle kwalolo lwazi olusha.

Ngokufanayo, cabanga ngokulandela umthetho wokungathintani , ukususa imiyalezo emidala, noma ukufaka leso sithombe senu nobabili ebhokisini. Okungabonakali kunganyamalala engqondweni. Noma okungenani, hhayi engqondweni njalo. Lapho uqhubeka uthintana noma ubhalisa, kulapho ugcina khona lawo manxeba evulekile.

Ungase uzizwe ulingeka ukuba uvume ukuthi “Ngisakuthanda” noma ufune ukuvaleka kowayeshade naye. Kodwa ochwepheshe baxwayisa ngokuthi ukuthemba impendulo kubo kuvame ukuvimba ukuphulukiswa. UDkt. Bhonsle uthi, “Ukungaxhumani nakho kukunikeza isikhathi sokulila ngaphandle kokubambelela ethembeni elingamanga. Cishe ngaso sonke isikhathi, ukuvala kufanele kusuke ngaphakathi kuwe, hhayi ezimpendulweni zabo.”

Ngokuzinika ibanga elingokwenyama neledijithali, unikeza inhliziyo yakho igumbi lokuphefumula. Uma kufanele ukhulume (mhlawumbe wabelana ngomsebenzi noma isilwane esifuywayo), kugcine kufushane futhi kufana nebhizinisi. Kodwa ngokuvamile, cabanga: “Angizami ukubalimaza, ngizama ukuzisiza mina ukuba ngilulame.”

5. Hlala umatasa futhi uzame izinto ezintsha

Ngemva kokuhlukana, sivame ukulahlekelwa ubuwena kancane. Kungenzeka ukuthi uchithe isikhathi esiningi “njengomlingani wothile” waze wakhohlwa izinto ezikujabulisayo. Lesi yisikhathi esihle sokuzithola futhi. Hlala umatasa futhi uhlole izinto ozithakaselayo ezintsha. Umgomo akukhona “ukuphazamiseka” unomphela, kodwa ukwakha impilo ezizwa igcwaliseka iyodwa. Nazi ezinye izinto ongazizama: 

• Thatha umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa obuwuthanda noma uzame okuthile obuhlale ufuna ukwazi ngakho
• Bhalisa ekilasini noma joyina iqembu lendawo. Ukuzibandakanya ngokuthile okusha kukwethulela abantu abasha nolwazi olusha
• Ukushintsha indawo kungashintsha umbono wakho. Ngisho nohambo lomgwaqo lwempelasonto oluya edolobheni eliseduze, noma uhambo losuku uwedwa, lungakwenza uzizwe uzimele futhi unobusha.

Ukuba matasa akusho ukuthi ubalekela imizwa yakho, kodwa ukunikeza leyo mizwa isikhala esingaphazanyiswa. Lapho uthatha isikhathi sakho, ubuhlungu benhliziyo ngeke buphele, kodwa uzoba nezikhathi lapho ingqondo yakho ikwenye indawo. Cabanga ngomsebenzi omusha ngamunye njengesinyathelo esincane sokwakha ukuzethemba nendlela owawunayo ngesikhathi ungashadile futhi ujabule.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Kufanele Ngithumelele Umyalezo Owayengumngane Wami? Umhlahlandlela Ophelele Wokukusiza Unqume

6. Funa ukuvala ngokwemibandela yakho

Ukuvala kungase kuzwakale njengombono ongaqondakali. Ungase ufune kakhulu isiphetho esihle. Mhlawumbe ingxoxo no-ex wakho ukuze uqonde kahle ukuthi kungani iphelile. Ngeshwa, ukuvala ngokuvamile akuveli kubo. Ukulinda omunye umuntu ukuthi akuchazele noma aqinisekise imizwa yakho ngokuvamile kukugcina ubambekile.

Kunalokho, gxila ekudaleni imikhuba yakho yokuvala kanye nezimpendulo. Zibuze imibuzo ekuhluphayo, uzame ukuyiphendula ngobuqotho. Isibonelo: "Lobu budlelwano bungifundiseni? Kungani ukwehlukana kwaba isinyathelo esifanele ngempela? Yini engingazithethelela ngayo?" Thatha umthwalo wemfanelo lapho ube nephutha khona, zixolele wena kanye nabo, futhi wamukele ukuthi nobabili nenze lokho enacabanga ukuthi kungcono kakhulu ngaleso sikhathi. 

Nazi ezinye izindlela ongasebenzela ngazo ukuvala ngemuva kokuhlukana:

• Bhala incwadi engathunyelwanga: Thela yonke into oyizwayo a incwadi eya ku ex yakho—uthando, intukuthelo, imibuzo—kodwa ungalokothi uyithumele. Ukubhala kungaba cathartic. Ungase ushise noma uhlephule uhlamvu ngemva kwalokho njengokuvalelisa okungokomfanekiso
• Khuluma nomngane noma umeluleki: Veza imicabango yakho kumuntu ophephile. Kwesinye isikhathi ukukusho ngokuzwakalayo kusiza ukuqinisa ukuvala kwakho
• Umkhosi "umkhuba wokuhlukana": Abanye abantu bakuthola kuwusizo ukwenza okuthile okungokomfanekiso. Isibonelo, abanye badabula izithombe ndawonye, ​​babhale inothi bese beyilahla, noma babambe isiko elincane 'lokuvalelisa' ekhaya. Lokhu akuwona ukwelapha omlingo, kodwa kungabonisa ubuchopho bakho ukuthi isahluko siyaphela.

7. Nakekela umzimba wakho nengqondo

Kukho konke lokhu, enye yezinto ezinhle kakhulu ongayenza ukuzinakekela. Ukuhlukana kungase kukhathale ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Yenza umzamo oqotho wokunakekela noma ukwakha imizila enempilo. Nazi ezinye izinqubo zokuzinakekela okufanele uzibeke eqhulwini ngemva kokuhlukana, ikakhulukazi uma ulwa nemizwa ehlala isikhathi eside ye-ex yakho:

• Zama ukugcina ishejuli yokulala. Isiyaluyalu semizwa singaphazamisa ukulala, kodwa sihlose ukuba nesikhathi sokulala esivamile. Umqondo ophumule kahle uyaqina
• Kulula ukweqa ukudla noma ukuzitika uma uphuke inhliziyo. Hlela ukudla ukudla okulinganiselayo. Ukuzifudumeza kahle kusiza ukuzinza kwemizwa
• Ngisho nokuzivocavoca okuthambile njengokuhamba kwansuku zonke, i-yoga, noma ukugibela ibhayisikili kungaphakamisa umoya wakho. Le misebenzi yandisa ama-endorphin (amakhemikhali okuzizwa kahle) futhi inciphisa ukucindezeleka
• Cabangela ukuzindla, ukuzivocavoca kokuphefumula okujulile, noma ukulala kancane. Izinhlelo zokusebenza noma amavidiyo aqondisiwe angakusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthula. Ukubhala imicabango yakho nakho kuwukwelapha

Ukuzinakekela kusho nokugwema ubudlelwano obusheshayo bokubuyela emuva . Ukugxumela entweni entsha ngokushesha kungase kubonakale kuyisisombululo, kodwa izazi zengqondo zixwayisa ngokuthi imvamisa kuyabuya. Ukubuyela emuva kungathwala umthwalo wakho wemizwa ungene ebuhlotsheni obusha, kwenze bobabili abantu bahlupheke. Kunalokho, vumela noma yisiphi isithakazelo esisha sothando senzeke kancane kancane, ngemva kokuba usuphulukisiwe kakhulu.

Ukuthola Ukuvala Nokuqhubekela phambili - Imibono emi-5

Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile sokusebenza ngala macebiso angenhla, ngethemba ukuthi uzozithola usulungele ukuqhubeka ngokugcwele. Ukuthola ukuvala nokuqhubekela phambili akukona ukushintshwa okusheshayo, kodwa ungathatha izinyathelo ezisebenzayo ukuze usize le nqubo. Ngezansi kunezindlela ezinhlanu ezingakuholela ekukhululekeni kweqiniso ngokomzwelo kowayekade ekhona.

1. Bhala phansi imicabango nemizwa yakho

Ukubhala kungaba yindlela ephulukisayo kakhulu. Uma ungakazami ukubhala phansi ezinyathelweni zangaphambilini, cabanga ngakho manje ukuze kucace. Bhala ngokukhululeka ngalokho okwenzekile: lokho okuzwile, lokho okuzisolayo, nalokho okufundile. Nazi ezinye iziphakamiso zendlela yokusebenzisa amagama ukuze uziphulukise futhi ulahle owayekade ekhona :

• Incwadi engathunyelwanga: “Dear [Igama], bengikuthanda futhi ngidabukisa ebesinako…” – makuphume konke
• Uhlu lwe-Gratitude kanye ne-gripes: Ikholomu eyodwa yezikhathi ezinhle, enye ngeyokubi. Ukubona izinhlangothi zombili kukusiza ukuthi wamukele sonke isithombe
• Ijenali yezinhloso: Bhala phansi ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngekusasa lakho (ukuvakasha, umsebenzi, izinto zokuzilibazisa). Lokhu kushintsha ukugxila kokuthi “mina nabo” kuye kokuthi “mina” nje

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2. Funa ukusekela kochwepheshe noma iqembu uma kudingeka

Ngezinye izikhathi ukukhuluma nabangane akwanele. Uma ubuhlungu buzwakala bunzima kakhulu noma ubambelele ezindabeni ezithile ezinjengokukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, noma ukudabuka kwenhliziyo okuba kubi kakhulu usuku nosuku, cabanga ngosizo lochwepheshe. Umeluleki noma umelaphi angakunikeza amasu okubhekana nawo afanelana nawe. Ungakwazi futhi ukujoyina i-inthanethi noma iqembu losekelo lomuntu siqu labantu ababhekana nokuhlukana. Ukuzwa izindaba zabanye nokwabelana nezakho kungakusiza uzizwe ungewedwa. 

• Bheka kuzinhlelo zokusebenza noma ukwelulekwa ku-inthanethi. Ukunethezeka kokukhuluma usekhaya kungenza kube lula
• Ngena kumcimbi wendawo wokuhlangana owodwa, noma njengomsebenzi nje, kukubeka eduze kwabantu
• Uma ukholo lubalulekile kuwe, ungaphendukela kumholi wezenkolo noma womphakathi ukuze uthole induduzo

3. Nakekela ukukhula kwakho kanye nekusasa lakho

Vula ikhasi bese uqala ukubhala isahluko esisha lapho ugxila khona ekutholeni incazelo entsha futhi uzakhe wena. Cabanga ngezindawo zempilo yakho ofuna ukuzithuthukisa noma ukuzihlola njengoba usunesikhathi esiningi:

• Mhlawumbe kunesifundo obukade ufuna ukusithatha, noma ikhono elinjengokubhala ngekhodi noma ulimi
• Ziqeqeshele umjaho, qala ukuziqeqeshela amandla, noma zama ikilasi lomdanso. Imigomo yokufaneleka yomhlangano ingathuthukisa ukuzethemba kwakho
• Bhala umculo, penda, pheka ukudla okumnandi, ingadi—yenza noma yini ekwenza uzizwe ufezile

4. Zijwayeze ukuthethelela futhi uyeke

Ukuvala kuvame ukuza nokuthethelela, kwakho nobabili owake waphila. Ukubamba intukuthelo noma intukuthelo kukugcina uboshelwe esikhathini esedlule. Lokhu akusho ukuthi okwenzekile kwakulungile; kusho ukuthi ukhetha ukungasithwali leso sisindo. Kumayelana nokuzikhulula.

Abantu abaningi badlala kabusha ngokuhlukana, bafisa sengathi ngabe benze izinto ngendlela ehlukile. Kwamukele ukuthi wonke umuntu uyawenza amaphutha. Isho ngokuqiniseka ukuthi, “Ngiyazixolela ngokungasheshi ukukubona lokhu ukuphela” noma “Ngiyazixolela nganoma imaphi amaphutha engawenza.” Lolu hlobo lokuzihawukela lunamandla.

Kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuthethelela owakwakho: Lokhu kungokwakho, hhayi bona. Ungase uzitshele ukuthi, “Ngiyabaxolela ngengxenye yabo ekuqedeni lokhu. Kungase kube nzima, kodwa ngokuvamile lapho uthethelela ngempela, kunciphisa intukuthelo ekugcina ubambelele.

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5. Yiba nesineke futhi ube nomusa kuwe

Okokugcina, qonda ukuthi ukuqhubeka nokuphila ngemva kokuhlukana kuthatha isikhathi. Akukho simiso esinqunyiwe sokuthi "kufanele" uzizwe ungcono nini. Ngezinye izinsuku uzovuka uphilile; ngezinye izinsuku kuzokushayisa ungalindele. Lokho kuvamile. Ungase ukuthole kuwusizo ukuzikhumbuza ukuthi ukuphulukiswa akuyona into eqondile. Ngolunye usuku uthuthuka kakhulu, ngakusasa ungase ubuyele emuva ekulahlekelweni yibo. Ungazishayi indiva ngalokhu. Kunalokho,

• Bungaza ukunqoba okuncane: Nsuku zonke uhamba ngaphandle kokuxhumana ne-ex yakho kuwukuwina. Inyanga ngayinye uzizwa kancane njengawe futhi inqubekelaphambili. Qaphela lokhu kuthuthukiswa
• Vumela injabulo futhi: Uma kwenzeka okuthile okuhle (iphromoshini, ubusuku obujabulisayo), zivumele uzizwe ujabule ngaphandle kokuba necala. Ufanelwe ukujabula
• Themba ukuthi uzophulukisa: Kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside kunalokho osifunayo, kodwa abantu bayalulama ekudabukeni kwenhliziyo. Imizwa enamandla izothamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Themba ukuthi ngesifundo ngasinye ositholile, uya ngokuba namandla

Imicabango Final

Ngaphezu kwakho konke, khumbula ukuthi uma kwenzeka uzizwa ucindezelekile, usizo luyatholakala. Alikho ihlazo ekufuneni isiqondiso sochwepheshe. Ngezinye izikhathi iseluleko sikamelaphi singasindisa ukuphila. Usuku ngalunye, yenza isithembiso esincane kuwe: mhlawumbe “Namuhla ngeke ngibathumelele imiyalezo,” noma “Namuhla ngizohlangana nomngane.” Kancane kancane, inkulumo ethi "Ngisayithanda i-ex yami" izolahlekelwa amandla ayo. Qhubeka uphindaphinda engqondweni yakho: ufanelwe uthando, futhi uzodlula kulokhu.

Ungase uzibuze ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani ngemva kokuhlukana lapho nisathandana noma uzibuze, "Ingabe ngiyoke ngiyiqede i-ex yami?" Leyo mibuzo ingokwemvelo. Sebenzisa amathiphu angenhla futhi uthembe ukuthi izimpendulo zizofika ngesikhathi. Kuvamile, njengoba ochwepheshe besho, ukuba nemizwa ehlala isikhathi eside nge-ex yakho. Okubalulekile ukuzinakekela nokuqondisa kahle inhliziyo yakho phambili, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi. Uzobheka emuva ngolunye usuku bese uthi, “Ngiphumelele futhi ngiyajabula ukuthi ngikwenzile.”

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.