Izindlela eziyi-13 zokubuyelana ne-Ex Yakho

Uma uqala ukuphuthelwa ilangabi elidala, usuku ngalunye lubonakala lude futhi lunzima. Uqala ukulangazelela inkampani yabo kanye nokuba khona kwabo empilweni yakho futhi, futhi kwenzeka ukuthi kuthinte bonke ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi esizayo. Indlela yokubuyelana ne-ex yakho iba yindaba yakho kuphela lapho isizungu siqala ukukuhlasela. Le epiphany yokuphinda uxhumane nomuntu othandana naye ingase yenzeke ngenxa yezizathu eziningi.

Mhlawumbe yizinkinga zakho zokuzibophezela ezibe nomthelela ekuhlukaneni futhi manje uhambo lwecala lokubalimaza selukujaha wena. Mhlawumbe ubufuna ukuqala ukuphola ngokushesha futhi ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi nomunye umuntu, wabona ukuthi uxhumano olukhethekile owabelane ngalo no-ex wakho alusekho. Hhayi-ke, akuwona wonke umuntu owayekade engumuntu omubi, omubi okufanele umgweme ngokuphelele emhlabeni wakho.

Abanye badinga nje ukuthatha isabatha empilweni yakho ukuze benze izinto zibe ngcono ekubuyeni kwabo. Kodwa ingabe umngane wakho wangaphambili uzizwa ngendlela efanayo? Ingabe bakulungele ukwenza isiqalo esisha? Uma kungenjalo, uyenza kanjani i-ex yakho ikufune? Ngosizo lwe Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), ongungoti kwezokwelulekwa ngokwehlukana kanye nezehlukaniso, ake sibheke konke odinga ukukwazi mayelana nendlela yokuwina u-ex wakho abuye.

Wazi Kanjani Uma Kufanele Ubuyelane Ne-Ex Yakho Noma Cha?

Uma uku "Ingabe kufanele ngibuyele ku-ex yami noma ngihlale nensizwa yami yamanje?" isimo, uze endaweni efanele. Ukukhuluma ngokwezibalo, ukuhlukana nokubuyelana kuyindaba evamile cishe ku-50% wemibhangqwana yabantu abadala. Okunye cwaningo okwenziwa yiNyuvesi yaseTexas kunqume ukuthi cishe u-65% wabafundi basekolishi lase-US bahlukane ukuze ubudlelwano babo busebenze futhi. "Imizwa ehlala njalo" ibhekwa njengesizathu esiyinhloko kulolu cwaningo.

Ekhuluma ngale ndaba, Shazia Uthi: “Lapho abantu ababili bephuma ebuhlotsheni babo futhi bekhumbulana kakhulu noma bengakwazi ukususa imicabango ngomunye nomunye, ngisho nangemva kwesikhathi eside, bangacabangela ukuchibiyelana.

Enye yezinto ezimbalwa zokuqala okufanele ubuyele emuva futhi uhlale kuzo yisizathu sokuthi ubudlelwano benu buphelile. Ingabe kwakuwukungathembeki? Ingabe ibanga lingenile? Noma ingabe kwakuwukuntuleka kokwanelisa izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo? Isinqumo sakho sokuvuselela ubudlelwano obudlule kufanele sincike ngokuphelele ekutheni uzishiye kanjani izinto nalo muntu. Futhi uma ufuna iziphakamiso zethu kokuthi "Ingabe kufanele ngibuyelane ne-ex yami?" nakhu:

• Uma kwakunjalo ngempela ubudlelwano obunobuthi lokho bekukhinyabeza ukukhula kwakho komuntu siqu noma uma ubambe owakwakho eqamba amanga kuwe izinyanga, akuwona umqondo omuhle ukumnikeza elinye ithuba
• Uma imbangela yokuhlukana bekuyinto eningakwazi ukubhekana nayo futhi nikholelwa ukuthi nobabili nahlukana nobudlelwano obungathi sina ngokuxhamazela, kungase kudingeke niphinde nidutshulwe.
• Uma uthuthukise izinkinga zokwethembana futhi ufuna ukuqapha, ngakho-ke sikweluleka ukuthi uthathe isikhashana ukuze uthole ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela ngaphambi kokuqhubekela phambili.
• Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma inhliziyo yakho ibilokhu ibalangazelela ngempela futhi uzizwa sengathi bakwenze umuntu ongcono, kungase kube isizathu esihle sokungayikhalisi leyo nsimbi ngokushesha, futhi uqale isahluko esisha nabo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ex Emaphusheni Akho? Thola Ukuthi Kusho Ukuthini Uma Uphupha Nge Ex Yakho

Ungabuyela Kanjani Nge-Ex - Izindlela eziyi-13 Zokukwenza Kahle 

Ukuphinde uhlangane nomuntu owake wathandana naye - ingabe kuke kwaba umqondo omuhle? Kungaba njalo. Ngisho noma nobabili ningase nenze isinqumo esiqinile sokuhlukana, akusho ukuthi ngeke nikwazi ukulungisa zonke izinkinga zenu eziwumsuka endaweni ethile phansi komugqa futhi niqale ukwakha kabusha isisekelo esiqinile. Ezinye izimo zidinga isikhathi esihle ngokuhlukana ukuze ucubungule imizwa yakho kangcono. Uma ngemva kwaleso sikhathi, uthando luqhubeka, kungaba umqondo omuhle ukucabanga kabusha ngobuhlobo okwesibili.

Kodwa ukubuyelana nomuntu owayethandana naye uma esedlulele phambili kungaba nzima kakhulu. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukubusa inhlansi endala futhi akhe kabusha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni zoqala phansi. Esimeni esinjalo, kufanele uqaphele, uthembeke, futhi uphikelele emizamweni yakho. Nazi izindlela eziyi-13 zokukusiza ukuthi ubuyelane ne-ex: 

1. Babonise ukuthi ubakhumbula kangakanani 

Ake sithi umlingani wangaphambili usenemizwa ngawe futhi naye, ufuna ukuqhubeka lapho ogcine khona. Kodwa bazokwenza lokho kuphela uma bazi ukuthi nawe uyabakhumbula. Uma ushaya umoya ngengxoxo evamile noma uzama ukusabalalisa izindaba ngabangane abafanayo, kungenzeka ukuthi bazocabanga ukuthi uyabafuna kuphela ngoba unesizungu noma unesizungu. 

Ingabe abantu ababethandana nabo bangakwazi ukubuyela othandweni ngempela? Bangakwazi ngempela. Akuwona amafilimu osiko lwe-pop kuphela lapho sibona khona abantu ababili behlukana isikhathi esingaphezu kweshumi leminyaka baze bahlangane ngemva kweminyaka ethile futhi bajabule kuze kube phakade. Uma usudlule enkathini yokulala ngemva kokuhlukana, ungababonisa ukuthi ubakhathalela kangakanani futhi uyabakhumbula. Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukuthola ukuthi ufuna ukuwuthumela kanjani umyalezo wokuthi ufuna ukuwabuyisela empilweni yakho.

Awukwazi ukukwenza ku- ingxoxo yosuku lokuqala ngemuva kwesikhathi sokungathintani, futhi awukwazi ukuphelelwa yithemba ngakho futhi. Indlela yokubuyelana ne-ex yakho incike ekutheni ukwenza ngobuqili kangakanani, kuyilapho uzibonakalisa njengomuntu omusha. Okokuqala, zama ukuthi ungadaki uwashayele ngenkathi uphakathi nedili yokulila.

2. Banikeze ithuba lokucabanga 

“Abakwa-Ex kufanele banikezane isikhathi esanele nendawo ngaphambi kokuba bacabange ngesiqalo esisha.Lokho kungenxa yokuthi akulula ukukhohlwa ezehlakalo ezidlule, ukuhlukumezeka, nezigameko ezimbi, umuntu ngamunye kumele aqale azixolele, yilapho-ke ezokwazi ukuzinika ikhefu lokufuna umphefumulo, ukuze akwazi ukufinyelela endaweni eqinile nengathathi hlangothi,” kusho uShazia.

Ukubuyisela owake waba nguzakwethu empilweni yakho akukhona ukumshaya ngothando. Ngoba maningi amathuba okuthi kuzobancisha umoya bese kubaphushela kude kakhulu. Kwesinye isikhathi, badinga ukuhlukanisa futhi bahlele imizwa yabo ukuze baqonde ukuthi bafuna ukuthi ubuye noma cha, futhi lokho kuthatha isikhathi. Engeza lokhu ohlwini lwakho lwemithetho yokubuyelana nomuntu owayethandana naye. Ngeke uphinde uzuze izinhliziyo zabo uma wenza izicelo zokuphelelwa ithemba.

Ngeke siqinisekise ukuthi bazobuya ekupheleni kosuku kodwa uma bebuya, kuzoba ukukhetha okuphusile ukuqala ubudlelwano obuqinile nobunempilo. Lapho umngane wami uRoy elahla uLorraine, wachitha amasonto ambalwa okuqala njalo uthando-amabhomu wamthumelela imibhalo nezingcingo, okwavele kwamxaka uRoy futhi kwamenza wamfuna kancane.

Ngemva kwenyanga yokuqala, wayeka. Ngemva kwezinyanga ezintathu, uRoy wabuyela kuye! U-Lorraine wambuza, "Kungani manje? Ngemva kwezinyanga ezingu-3?" URoy wathi, “Ngoba ukuba ngedwa nokuba kude nawe kungenze ngabona ukuthi ngikudinga kangakanani ngempela.” Ku-Lorraine, ukuthola indlela yokubuyelana nesoka lakhe lakudala kwakuhilela izingcingo ezimbalwa eziphoxayo kanye nemizamo enzima. Akumele kube okufanayo nakuwe.

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3. Khuluma ngezindaba zakudala 

Ukubuyisela i-ex yakho akusho ukuhlukumeza nokuveza ukukhungatheka kwakudala. Yebo, amaphutha enziwa esikhathini esidlule kodwa uma ufuna isiqalo esihle, yisikhathi sokuqhubekela phambili futhi ulungise ukungaboni ngaso linye ngendlela ehlelekile. Ngesinye isikhathi, kufanele ungene engxoxweni ebalulekile futhi uvumele inkulumo enengqondo mayelana nokuthi yini engalungile.

Izinkinga ezindala yizona zizathu enihlukane ngazo kwasekuqaleni. Ngeke kube lula ukukhuluma ngazo ngobuqotho. Nokho, ukuxazulula izingxabano idinga ukuthi wenze konke ongakwenza ukuxazulula inkinga. Ekhuluma ngale ndaba, u-Shazia wabelana ngemininingwane ebalulekile:

• Bobabili abalingani bayavuma ukuzama konke okusemandleni abo ukuthi bangaphindi amaphutha afanayo
• Nobabili kudingeka niqonde kakhulu futhi namukele ukuletha izinguquko ezinhle ukuze niguqule amafulegi abomvu abe luhlaza.
• Ukukhulumisana okuvulekile nokwethembeka kubalulekile. Kodwa ngenkathi ubuyekeza amaphutha esikhathi esidlule, musa ukuthatheka kakhulu yimizwa engemihle kuze kube yisithiyo endleleni yakho yokwenza lobu budlelwano busebenze.
• Udinga ukusebenzela amakhono akho okuxhumana futhi uthole indlela egxile kwisixazululo mayelana nezindaba ezinjalo enivumelana ngazo nobabili.

4. Ungazami ukubenza babe nomona 

Ukucwayiza izithombe nozakwethu omusha ezinkundleni zokuxhumana noma ukubatshela ama-anecdotes amnandi avela ngobusuku bakho bosuku nomunye umuntu kuzokwenza umonakalo omkhulu kunokuhle. Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi umona uyindlela ezoholela abantu ababethandana nabo babuyele kubo. Awu, akulungile. Eqinisweni, uma wenza lokhu, noma yiziphi ezinye izimpawu zethuba lesibili elingaba khona zingase zingasebenzi.

"Ngizama ukubuyisela isoka lami lakudala. Mhlawumbe ukuphuma nomngane wakhe kuzombonisa ukuthi uphuthelwa yikho" - lokho akuzwakali kuyisu elihle kakhulu, akunjalo? Azikho izindaba zempumelelo zokubuyelana-kanye-zakwa-ex ezikhuluma ngale ndlela njengesisusa. Noma yini, izoqhubekela phambili kuphela ukucasuka ebudlelwaneni bakho. Noma ngabe babuya futhi ulungise, ukwakha ukwethembana kuzoba nzima kubo ngemuva kokukubona unomunye umuntu.

5. Yiba ngumuntu oshintshile 

Uyazibuza ukuthi ungabuyelana kanjani ne-ex yakho? Hhayi-ke, ungaqala kanjani ngokuba ngumuntu abangafuna ukumbuyisela emuva? Ngoba ukubuyela ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi obufanayo nomuntu othandana naye kuyinto yokugcina engafunwa yinoma ubani. Uma benomuzwa wokuthi ukuthambekela kwakho okukudala okuyinkinga kusaqhubeka, njengokungavuthwa noma ukuba nezinkinga zokuxhumana, kungakhinyabeza isifiso sabo sokuphinde babuyele kuwe. 

"Ukuze ubuyise owakwakho ngemva konyaka noma ngaphezulu, kufanele ubabonise ukuthi ungumuntu oguqukile. Lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele ushintshe ngokuphelele njengomuntu ukuze uvumelane nepharamitha yakhe yomlingani omuhle, njengokuba umuntu ongabaza ukuveza izidingo zakhe noma ogwema abangani abathile nomndeni umlingani wakho angawuthandi. Kodwa uma kukhona noma iyiphi indawo yokuzithuthukisa," kusho u-Shazia.

Nazi izinguquko ezimbalwa ongase uzenze ukuze wenze owakwakho afune qala ubudlelwano obusha nawe:

• Ukudlala isisulu ngeke kukusize. Qala ukulawula impilo yakho, kokubili kumkhakha womuntu siqu kanye nochwepheshe
• Yeka ukukusola ngokudalelwa noma abanye abantu abaseduze kwakho futhi uqale ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo wezenzo zakho nezinqumo zakho
• Khulisa imikhuba embalwa enempilo njengokucabangela, ukuthethelela, nokubekezela, futhi uyeke okubi
• Zama ukuthuthukisa amakhono okuxhumana njengengxenye yokukhula kwakho siqu
• Yeka ukubuka impilo yakho ngeso le-ex yakho bese uqala ukuziphilela wena; funda ukuthola injabulo enkampanini yakho

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6. Bakhumbuze ukuthi kungani nifanelana 

Ukulungisa ubudlelwano bakho nomuntu othandana naye ekubeni uyena owahlukana nawe noma kunguye owakulahla kungaba wubuqili obumangalisayo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, i-ex yakho ingase ingazimisele ukuphinda izame ngemva kokuphela kobudlelwane. Ukuze ubabonise ukuthi nibafanele, kufanele nibakhumbuze ngazo zonke izinto ezenze naba umbhangqwana omkhulu. 

Ngisho noma kukhulunywa nje ngokuthi nibahle kangakanani nobabili lapho nidlala imidlalo yebhodi, kufanele nikhulume lezo zimo kubo. Izinkumbulo ezinjalo zizobakhumbuza ukuthi lokhu ubudlelwano bufanele ukulondolozwa. Ukuthola indlela yokubuyisela owayeyintombi yakho ngisho noma kubonakala kungenakwenzeka (noma owayeyisoka lakho) kugxile ekugqamiseni ukuthi nifanelana kangakanani nomunye nomunye. Ngokuzayo lapho ukhuluma nabo, zama ukungavezi izikhathi owayeyi-ex yakho akonaka ngayo. Esikhundleni salokho, yisho lolo hambo lothando owaluthatha e-Bali lapho uzwa sengathi akukho okungahambi kahle phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho.

7. Cacisa ukuthi kungani ufuna babuye

Uma ubheke phambili ebuhlotsheni obunempilo nomuntu oshade naye, kufanele uthembeke kuwe ngezizathu zakho zokuvuselela uthando oludala. Kufanele wenze isiqiniseko sokuthi awufisi nje ukuba nabo ngoba unesizungu futhi udinga umuntu eduze kwakho ukuze akugcine. Lokhu kuzoholela ku- ubudlelwano obungenampilo, ezovele ishayeke iphinde ishe.

U-Shazia uthi, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubuyelana nomuntu owayethandana naye ngemva konyaka noma amasonto ambalwa, uma uyithanda ngenhliziyo yonke futhi uthandana, uma umhlonipha lowo muntu nobuhlobo, buyophumelela.Into eyinhloko iwukuba qotho kuwe naku-ex yakho ngezizathu zokuthi ufuna abuye lo muntu.”

Awusoze ukwazi ukwenza i-ex yakho ifune ukuthi ubuye ngezinhloso zenhliziyo engaphelele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kuzoba okungalungile kini nobabili ukuzama ukuvuselela ubudlelwano ngezizathu eziguquguqukayo. Ngakho-ke ngoba ubone okuthunyelwe ku-Instagram kwabo bezijabulisa olwandle futhi baphatheke kabi ngakho, akusho ukuthi kufanele uthi yebo kokuthi “Ingabe kufanele ngibuyele ku-ex yami?” inkinga.

8. Batshele ukuthi bangakwethemba 

Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo esiyisisekelo sanoma yibuphi ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo. Singavumela kuphela ukuthi sithande othile uma simethemba futhi simvumela ukuba ancike kithi futhi. Ngaphandle kokwethembana, alikho ithuba lokwenza izinto zisebenze. Ngakho-ke, uma kwenzeka izinto zaphela phakathi kwenu nobabili ngenxa yento ethile enayenza futhi bagcina bengasakwethembi, lungisani. Babonise ukuzisola kwakho uma ucabanga ukuthi ungabuyelana kanjani ne-ex yakho.

"Ukuthola ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni obuphukile kuzothatha isikhathi. Bobabili ozakwethu kudingeka baqonde ukuxaka kwesimo futhi bavume ukuthi izenzo zabo zidinga ukukhuluma kakhulu kunamagama. Kufanele wenze isiqiniseko sokuthi ukuziphatha kwakho kukhombisa ukuthi uzibophezele ekwakheni kabusha ukwethenjwa. Kubalulekile ukubekezela. Ngeke kwenzeke ngokuphazima kweso,” kusho uShazia.

• Ungashiyi isikhala sanoma yikuphi ukungaqondi kahle. Khuluma ngokukhululekile futhi ukhulume ngezinkinga ezinkulu obuhlale unazo
• Amagama enza umehluko, ngokungangabazeki, futhi umbhalo obhalwe kahle ngokusuka enhliziyweni yakho ungase wenze izimanga
• Kodwa futhi wengeze isenzo esithile ekuhlanganiseni - okuzobabonisa ukuthi uthembeke kangakanani futhi uthembekile kangakanani manje
• Yiba sengozini nomlingani wakho futhi udale indawo ephephile ukuze naye enze okufanayo
• Ukuze nibe nobudlelwano obuqinile kuma-innings wesibili, chithani isikhathi esiningi ndawonye futhi nenze okuhlangenwe nakho okusha nezinkumbulo nozakwenu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokubuyisela Ukwethemba Ngemva Kokukopela: Izindlela Eziyi-12 Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

9. Zibeke ezicathulweni zabo

Ukuhlukana nokubuyelana nesithandwa esidala akukhona nje ukuthi ufunani. I-ex yakho inguzakwethu olinganayo kulobu budlelwano obulindele. Kungenzeka ukuthi nabo balinyazwa njengawe ngokuhlukana kwenu. Ngenxa yalokho, kungase kungabi lula kubo ukwenza isinqumo sokubuyela ebudlelwaneni. Yingakho, omunye wemithetho yokubuyelana nomuntu owayethandana naye ukuqonda uhlangothi lwabo ngaphambi kokuba umcele ukuthi abe nawe futhi.

Ekhuluma ngokuthi kungani uzwela lubalulekile kulesi simo, uShazia uyasitshela, “Lapho abantu ababili benza isinqumo sokubuyelana, kudingeka bazifake ezicathulweni zomunye umuntu. ukuhloniphana ngezimiso zokuziphatha nezinkolelo zomunye.” Nakhu esikuphakamisayo:

• Ukubona izinto ngombono wazo kungakunikeza ukucaca ngezizathu zazo zokuma noma ukuthatha izinto kancane
• Uma umlingani wakho ebesohlangothini olungalungile kulokhu kuhlukana futhi ecela uxolo oluqotho, ungase ufune ukubekela eceleni i-ego yakho futhi ukwamukele
• Uma kunguwe owakhohlisa noma waphula izinhliziyo zabo ngenye indlela, kufanele ubanikeze ithuba lokukhulula intukuthelo yabo futhi baphathe imizwa yabo ngesineke.
• Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi badinga isikhathi sokucabanga noma bafuna ukuthatha kancane, kufanele uhlale uhlonipha izinqumo zomunye nomunye

Uma ufuna usizo olwengeziwe ukuze wenze umqondo wemizwa yakho, ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi cishe kuyisixazululo kuzo zonke izinkinga zakho. Abeluleki abanamakhono nabanelayisense bavuliwe Iphaneli yeBonobology zihlale zikhona ngenxa yakho.

10. Bakhombise ukuthi usukulungele ukusebenza kanzima

Izenzo zikhuluma kakhulu kunamazwi. Kufanele ukhombise ukuthi uzimisele ukwenza izinto ngendlela ehlukile kulesi sikhathi. Batshele zonke izinguquko ozimisele ukuzenza noma izinto ozimisele ngokusebenzela phezu kwazo uma uzimisele ngokuzenza ezakho futhi. Kungumbono odumile ukuthi ukubuyelana nomuntu oshade naye akusebenzi. Kodwa wake wacabanga ukuthi kungani kunjalo? Kungenxa yokuthi abantu abaningi balindele ukuthi isifiso sanele, futhi abazimisele ukufaka umsebenzi.

Uma uzibuza ukuthi uzobuyelana kanjani nomuntu owake wathandana naye, kufanele ukulungele ukukhuluma kunokumane wenze izithembiso eziphakeme. Ngokwesibonelo:

• Vula futhi uthembeke kuwena kanye nabo
• Babonise ukuthi ufuna ukubeka isikhathi esiningi ebuhlotsheni futhi zinikeze ukunakwa okwengeziwe ngalesi sikhathi
• Ukuzinikela kwakho ekwenzeni lo msebenzi kungadlala indima enkulu ekwenzeni ukuthi bathembele kuwe futhi
• Bavumele bazinike isikhathi sokuthatha izinqumo. Linda ngesineke
• Yeka ukufuna izimpawu ezibonakala zisho ukuthi nizobuyelana futhi esikhundleni salokho, veleni niphumele lapho nikwenze kwenzeke

11. Kulungele ukuzidela 

Ukuze uqhubekisele phambili inkambo yobudlelwano bakho bangemva kokuhlukana ngendlela efanele, kuzodingeka ukuthi uthathe indlela esheshayo yokulungisa umonakalo. Lokho kuhlanganisa nokuzimisela ukuzidela okwengeziwe ukuze ubenze bajabule. Njengoba izinto bezinobunzima phakathi kwenu nobabili, lesi yisinyathelo esibalulekile uma nifuna ngempela gcina ubudlelwano.

Yisiphi isikhathi esifanele sokubuyelana ne-ex yakho? Kuphela uma wazi ukuthi ungabanika okwengeziwe ngawe. Zibuze, ingabe lelo zinga lokuzibophezela yinto oyilungiselele? Uma impendulo inguyebo, thatha igxathu lokuvuselela ubudlelwano obudlule. Futhi uma uzibuza ukuthi uzokhuluma kanjani ne-ex yakho mayelana nokubuyelana, batshele ukuthi uzimisele ukuzidela futhi wenze umsebenzi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukudela Ebudlelwaneni - Nini, Yini Futhi Kangakanani?

12. Zivumele ukuba uthethelele

Indlela yokubuyelana ne-ex ayikona ukuletha izinkinga zakho zangaphambilini futhi ubaphoqe ukuthi baxolise. Kumayelana nokubaxolela kukho konke osekwenzekile nokuqala kabusha. Kungase kubonakale kunzima ekuqaleni ukukhohlwa ngabo bonke ubuhlungu obuye babuzwa kuwe. Kodwa-ke, umdlalo wokusola ongapheli kanye nokuveza okwedlule ngokuphindaphindiwe kuzokwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu.

Ukuxolelana ebudlelwaneni kudingekile ngempela. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuthi uthole ukuthi ungamtshela kanjani u-ex wakho ukuthi ufuna nibuyelane, kufanele uthole ukuthi ungakwazi yini ukuyiyeka imizwa engemihle futhi umxolele wena kanye nawe. Uma ufuna ngokweqiniso ukuqeda isahluko esingajabulisi bese uvula ikhasi elisha, ungase ubashiyele umbhalo omfushane nomnandi njengothi “Ngiyaxolisa. Angisenawo amagqubu enhliziyweni yami. Ngicela siqale phansi?”

13. Yazi ukuthi izinto zizoshintsha ngalesi sikhathi 

Ingabe akulula ukubuyelana ne-ex? Yebo. Yisho, ulandele i umthetho wokungathintani ngemva kokuhlukana. Ube matasa ezimpilweni zakho, wasebenza ekukhuleni kwakho, mhlawumbe waya nezinsuku ezimbalwa, kodwa owake waphila emqondweni wakho uphila mahhala. Ngakho, nobabili niyakhuluma futhi ninqume ukwenza izinto zisebenze. Ngisho noma niqala ukuthandana futhi, kusekude ngaphambi kokuthi izinto zibe ngokwejwayelekile phakathi kwenu nobabili.

Kufanele ulungele ukungaphatheki kahle ngalezo zinsuku zokuqala zobudlelwano bakho 2.0. Yazi konke ngeke kusafana nakuqala ngoba kuningi osudlule kukho. Akulungile ukulindela ukuthi babe njengoba benjalo bese bebuyela ezingalweni zakho. Kodwa, phakathi kwethu nawe, kungase kube ngcono kulokhu! 'Ukuhluka' akudingekile ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi 'kubi kakhulu,' akunjalo?

Sengiphetha, u-Shazia usishiya nezinto ezimbalwa okufanele sizikhumbule ngenkathi ebuyelana nomuntu owayethandana naye, "Into engingakusho ngokuqinisekile ukuthi uthando ngaso sonke isikhathi ludinga ukuzungezwa izinto ezifana nenhlonipho, ukwethembana, ukunakekelwa, ukukhathazeka, ukucabangela, nokusekelwa ukuze ubudlelwano buqhubeke. Uma bobabili ozakwethu beqotho futhi befuna ukusebenzela ebuhlotsheni, asikho isizathu sokuthi ungakwazi ukuzulazula kulokhu."

Ungabuyelana kanjani ne-ex yakho? Khumbula, ukubekezela kuyisihluthulelo! Ukwenza ukuthula nesikhathi sakho esidlule akulula. Kuzothatha isikhathi ukupholisa nokwenza ngcono ubudlelwano bakho, futhi kumele ubasize bafike lapho esikhundleni sokudikila. Bathande, banakekele, babazise futhi ube umlingani omuhle. Yilokho kuphela okubalulekile ekugcineni kosuku.

Le ndatshana ibuyekezwe ngoMeyi 2023. 

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.