8 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga mō te Whakamutu i te Kōrero teka i roto i te Hononga

He mea noa te teka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga me te ao whānui. Ka teka katoa tātou. He āhuatanga taketake tēnei o te tangata. Ahakoa rā, kei te whakaaro pea koe me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga? Āe, he huarahi kē. Engari i mua i tā tātou taenga atu ki tēnā, me ngana tātou ki te mārama he aha te take e teka ai te tangata, ngā tohu o te raruraru teka, me ngā pānga o te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga.

E teka ana te katoa i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Ae pea. E whakaatu ana ngā rangahau e rima ngā wā e teka ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tetahi ki tetahi i te wiki. Kia pono tātou, kua kōrero teka tātou katoa i tētahi wā o ō tātou oranga hei pupuri i te rangimārie me te rangimarie i roto i ō tātou whanaungatanga. Kāore tetahi o tātou e taea te kī he pono katoa ki ō tātou hoa, ahakoa te take. Heoi anō, me mōhio koe ki te wā me te wāhi hei wehewehe i waenga i ngā teka teka kino me ngā teka tito, ki te kore ka raru koe, e hoa.

I kōrero mātou ki te kaiwhakaora hinengaro Gopa Khan (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Tohutohu, M.Ed), he tohunga ki te tohutohu marena me te whānau, mō te take e teka ai te tangata, he aha te teka ā-pūmau, ngā tohu o te tinihanga, me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga. I kōrero anō hoki ia mō ngā hua me ngā pānga o te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga me te mahi a te rongoā hinengaro ki te whakatau i te raruraru.

He aha te tangata e takoto teka ai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?

Āe, he maha ngā take. I ētahi wā, ka teka te tangata, kāore he take. I ētahi wā, ka mahi rātou i tēnei nā te mea he māmā ake te teka me te mawhiti atu i te tū atu ki te pono. Ka teka anō hoki te tangata mō ō rātou ake hiahia whaiaro, mō te whakahaere rānei i te tirohanga a ētahi atu ki a rātou. Ko ētahi e pai ake ana ki te huna i te pono kia kore ai e taupatupatu.

Huihuinga e whai whakaaro ana, "He maha ngā take e teka ai te tangata. I roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ka hiahia pea te hoa rangatira ki te tiaki i te tangata kei whara, ki te karo rānei i tētahi tautohe nui. Ko ētahi e teka ana hei miharo i tā rātou hoa rangatira, hei whiwhi rānei i tā rātou whakaae, ko ētahi e mahi ana i tēnā hei karo i ngā pakanga auau, hei pupuri hoki i te rangimārie i roto i te whanaungatanga."

Ahakoa te take, e kore e taea te whakakore i te meka ka whakangaro te teka i ngā whanaungatanga. Ko te whakawhirinaki te mea nui ki te whanaungatanga kaha, ā, he matea taketake hoki tēnei mō te tangata. Ina teka koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka pakaru te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa ki a koe. Ahakoa te āhua nei kei te tiaki koe i a koe anō, ko te pono kei te whakangaro koe i tō whanaungatanga me tō hoa, koia te take me kimi e koe me pēhea te mutu te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga.

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro tonu koe mēnā he kino te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga, tukua mātou kia pakaru te mirumiru. Ae, he kino. Ka kino pea ngā pānga o te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga. E ai ki a Gopa, "Ki te piki ake te auau me te nui o ō teka, ki te kitea rānei e tō hoa kei te tekahia rātou, ka nui te ahotea i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka whakapae tō hoa i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. Te taha tinana me te taha kare ā-roto te whanaungatanga piripono ka heke. Ka nui hoki te panoni o ā rātou whanonga ki a koe.”

Nā, he aha rawa te take e teka ai te tangata i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? Ka teka anō hoki te tangata hei tiaki i tō rātou whakaaro nui ki a rātou anō, hei karo i te whakama, hei wehi rānei kei whakakahoretia, kei whakahengia rānei mō ā rātou whiringa. Tērā pea ka mataku rātou kei ngaro tā rātou hoa, kei pāngia rānei e ngā hua o te whanonga hē. Ahakoa te pai o te whakaaro o te teka, ka mamae pea mēnā ka kitea e tō hoa. Tērā pea he āhua koretake i te tīmatanga, engari, ka āta haere, ka nui haere ngā teka, ā, ka pā kino ki tō whanaungatanga.

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Me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga - 8 Tohutohu a ngā tohunga

He mea noa te teka i roto i ngā whanaungatanga engari me mārama koe ki te take e teka ai koe me te momo teka e kōrerotia ana e koe. Tērā pea kei te raru koe i te teka ā-pūmau. Mō te hunga kāore i te mōhio, "He whanonga kua tau te teka ā-pūmau. Ko te tangata e pāngia ana e tēnei ka teka i ia taahiraa o te whanaungatanga ahakoa kāore e hiahiatia. Ka noho hei āhua noa iho ki a rātou."

"Ka haere tonu rātou ki te kī ko ngā kōrero teka kino rawa atu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me te whakaaro kāore he aha. I te nuinga o te wā ka tīmata i te tamarikitanga, ā, ki te kore he hua, ka maia te tangata ki te haere tonu i taua whanonga. Tērā pea ka tīmata rātou ki te noho i te teka hei mea tūturu mā rātou," te whakamārama a Gopa.

I mua i te whakaaro me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka ū tonu i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, me whakaae tuatahi koe he raruraru tōu, ā, me mōhio koe ki te ngā tohu o te tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatangaKa taea e ēnei tauira whanonga te mahi hei tohu:

He kino te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga engari ko te rongo pai ka taea te wikitoria i te raruraru. Ae, ka roa te wā. Ehara i te mea ka huri i te pō kotahi engari ehara i te mea kāore e taea mena ka whakatau koe ki te whakamutu i taua whanonga. Mena kei te raru koe i te āhuatanga 'I teka ahau, ā, i pakaru taku whanaungatanga' ā, e hiahia ana koe ki te whakatika i te raruraru, ka āwhina pea ēnei tohutohu e 8 mō te whakamutu i te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga:

1. Kia mārama ki ngā mea e whakaoho ana

Koinei tētahi o ngā mahi tuatahi ki te kimi huarahi hei whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. E whakamārama ana a Gopa, "He mea nui te mārama ki ngā mea e akiaki ana i a koe ki te teka. Kātahi ka taea e koe te whakatakoto mahere hei whakatau i ia mea e akiaki ana i a koe. Tērā pea ka whakarihariha i te tīmatanga nā te mea me aro atu koe ki te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki me te pono, engari ko te tuwhera me te pono ki tō hoa ka nui te painga ki te te whakatikatika i te whanaungatanga"... Hei tāpiri, me tuwhera koe ki te whakapāha ki tō hoa mō te teka ki a rātou. Ngāna kia kaua e tiaki i a koe anō, engari kia tuwhera ake ki ngā urupare whai hua."

Ina kitea koe e teka ana, pātai atu ki a koe anō mēnā kei te mahi koe i tēnei mō tōu ake hiahia, hei whakamarie i a koe anō, hei tiaki rānei i tō hoa kei whara. Ngāna kia mārama ki ō kare ā-roto i te tuatahi, kia taea ai e koe te kite i ngā kare ā-roto, i ngā āhuatanga rānei e whakaoho ana i a koe ki te teka. Ngāna kia whakamaheretia ō whakautu i mua i te urunga atu ki ngā āhuatanga ka tūpono koe ki tētahi tūnga.

2. He aha te momo kōrero teka e kōrerotia ana e koe

Ko tētahi atu tohutohu mō te whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te mārama me te whakaae ki te momo teka e kōrerotia ana e koe, e ai ki tā Gopa. E mea ana ia, "I ētahi wā ka noho te teka hei tikanga pumau. He teka iti hoki engari ka whāngaihia ki te hunga harakore mō ngā tau maha tae noa ki te nui rawa atu, kāore e taea te aro atu. Hei tauira, i mutu te whanaungatanga o tētahi o aku kiritaki me tana hoa noho nā te mea i whiwhi aroha mai i a ia mā te kī he mate pukupuku tētahi o te whānau tae noa ki tana kitenga he teka katoa."

He maha ngā momo teka e whakamahia ana e te tangata i roto i ngā whanaungatanga - te teka mā, te kore e whakaatu i ngā meka, te whakanui kōrero, te teka katoa rānei. Mā te whakawhāiti i tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te mārama ake ki ngā take o te teka. He mea nui kia tautuhia te raruraru i mua i te whakaaro me pēhea te whakatau.

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3. Whakatakotoria ngā rohe whaiaro, ā, piri atu ki aua rohe

E taunaki ana a Gopa, "Whakatakotoria he rohe whaiaro māu, whakatau kia pono rawa koe, ā, kia piri ki te ao tūturu. He tikanga tēnei, nō reira me whakaaro nui koe, me whakaaro tonu hoki i mua i te whakautu, ā, me tuwhera ki te whakatika i a koe anō mēnā ka puta he kōrero teka. Kia maia koe ki te tata ki te pono i ngā wā katoa e taea ana e koe, me ngā wā katoa e tika ana."

He uaua ki te waihanga rohe mōu ake, koia pea te take e hiahia ana koe ki te teka. Engari ko tō whanaungatanga ki a koe anō te mea nui rawa atu. Ko taua teka tonu ka pā kino ki a koe i te taha tinana me te taha hinengaro. E mārama ana mātou he uaua ki te kī kāo, ki te aro atu rānei ki ngā hua o te hē, engari ko te huarahi anake hei whakakore i tēnei whanonga ko te kōrero mōu ake, me te kī i ō kare ā-roto, kaua i te mea e hiahia ana tō hoa ki te whakarongo.

4. Whakaarohia ngā hua ka puta

E ai ki a Gopa, ko tētahi o ngā tohutohu nui mō te whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ko te paunatia ngā hua o te kōrero pono me te kōrero teka. He aha te hua kino rawa atu mēnā ka whakatau koe ki te kōrero pono, he aha rānei ka puta mēnā ka mau koe i te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga? Paunatia ngā painga me ngā huakore.

Kōwhiria kia aro atu ki te raruraru, kaua e teka, kia kore ai e pā mai ngā hua kino. Tērā pea kāore ngā hua kino i te kino e ai ki tāu e whakaaro ana. I tētahi atu taha, ka nui haere ngā hua o te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga i roto i te wā, ā, ka taea te whakararu i tō kōrua whakaaro me tō hoa.

E whakamārama ana a Gopa, "Ki te mau koe i te teka, ka mutu te whakawhirinaki o tō hoa ki a koe, engari ka iti ake te aroha ki a koe. Ka rapu taunakitanga rātou, ka keri kōrero, ka kōrero rānei ki ngā hoa me te whānau kia mōhio ai mēnā kei te kōrero pono koe. Ka tīmata rātou ki te wehe atu i a rātou anō i a koe, ka iti ake te whakapuaki i ngā kōrero mō rātou anō me ā rātou pūtea me ngā take whānau. Mā tēnei huringa o te waiaro ka whakauaua te whanaungatanga ā, ka arahi ki ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe.”

5. Me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Kaua e whakamātauria tō teka

I ētahi wā, ka teka te tangata, kāore he take, engari ka ngana tonu rātou ki te whakamārama i tēnā mā te kī atu ki a rātou anō i pērā rātou kia kore ai e whara i tā rātou hoa. Engari ko te pono, ko te teka ka kino, ehara i te mea ki te whanaungatanga e tohaina ana e koe ki tō hoa, engari ki te whanaungatanga hoki e tohaina ana e koe ki a koe anō. Ahakoa te āhua kino o ngā teka mā i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, i ngā taunekeneke pāpori rānei, ki te huri hei tikanga, ka roa pea ngā pānga.

Whakaaetia te raruraru engari kaua e ngana ki te whakamārama i te raruraru mā te kī kei te ngana koe ki te karo i te pakanga, ki te tiaki rānei i tō hoa kei whara. Engari, he aha e kore ai e kimi huarahi hei whakatutuki i taua mea mā te kōrero i te pono ki tō hoa? Kaua e whakamana i te teka nā te mea kei te wehi koe ki te tūtaki ki ngā hua o te kōrero i te pono.

6. Korero ki tetahi tohunga

Kei te miharo tonu me pehea te mutu o te teka i roto i te whanaungatangaAhakoa ō mahi tino pai, he uaua ki a koe te aukati i a koe anō kia kaua e teka? Āe, ki te mea kei te raru tonu koe, e kī ana a Gopa kia kōrero koe ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Mena kua tīmata te pānga kino ki tō whanaungatanga me tō oranga, he mea tika kia rapu āwhina ngaio, kia mahi hoki ki te whakatika i te raruraru.

E mea ana ia, "Ki te hiahia te tangata kia tuwhera ake, kia pono hoki, he pai te kōrero ki tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro. Ka tukuna e te whakaora he taiao kore here, kore whakahāwea hoki mō te tangata e pāngia ana, ka taea ai e rātou te noho ko rātou anō me te whiwhi whakaaetanga mai i tā rātou kaiwhakaora hinengaro. He mahi kaha tēnei, ā, ka hoatu he tohu ki te kiritaki mō te āhua o te whanaungatanga pono me te whai huatanga o taua whanaungatanga. Ka āwhina hoki te whakaora i te tangata ki te ako me pēhea te mahi hei karo i ngā kino atu ki ō rātou whanaungatanga o nāianei me ā muri ake nei."

Ka taea e te rongoā hinengaro te āwhina i a koe ki te whakamutu i te teka whakauaua i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ahakoa ehara koe i te tangata teka whakauaua, ka taea e te rongoā hinengaro te āwhina i a koe ki te wikitoria i te raruraru teka mā te tuku tautoko me te āwhina i a koe ki te tūhura i te pūtake o taua whanonga. Ka taea e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro te āwhina i a koe ki te kimi huarahi hei whakatau me te whakatika i ō whanaungatanga. Mena kei roto koe i tētahi āhuatanga ōrite, ka taea e koe te whakapā atu ki te rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau me te raihana o Bonobology mō te āwhina.

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7. Kia mārama ki te take o te teka tonu

He aha koe i teka ai? Kei te huna koe i tetahi mea? Kei te wehi koe ki te kōrero i te pono? Hei whakatau me pēhea te mutu o te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, he mea nui kia mārama ki te take o ngā teka. Ki te whakaaro koe kei te hē tāu mahi, tera pea ka ngana koe ki te huna mā te whakamahi i te teka. Ka teka anō hoki te tangata hei whakahaere i ētahi atu mō ō rātou hiahia whaiaro, mō te painga whaiaro, mō te kore rānei e pai ki te whakapuaki i ngā mōhiohio whaiaro mō rātou anō.

He uaua ki te whakahaere te teka whakauaua nā te mea he rite tonu te whakapono o ēnei tāngata ki ā rātou kōrero teka. I tētahi atu wāhi, tērā pea i kōrero teka koe ki tō hoa mō te tūtaki ki tō hoa o mua hei karo i te pakanga, tērā pea i whakanui rawa koe i ō whakatutukitanga ngaio nā te mea kei te whakaaro koe kāore koe i te angitu pērā i tō hoa, ā, tera pea ka whakahengia koe e rātou mō tēnā. He tohu anō hoki tēnei mō te momo whanaungatanga kei roto koe. He rite tonu te kōrero teka a ngā hoa hei tiaki i a rātou anō mēnā kei roto rātou i tētahi whanaungatanga tukino. Me tautuhi koe i te take o te raruraru hei whakatika.

8. Whakaharatauhia te kōrero pono i ia rā, i ia rā

Koinei tētahi o ngā mea tino nui hei maumahara māu mēnā kei te ngana koe ki te whakaaro me pēhea te whakamutu i te teka i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. He uaua te whakarerekē i tētahi whanonga, koia te take i kī ai a Gopa kia tangohia i ia rā i ia rā. E mea ana ia, "Whakaharatauhia te kōrero pono i ia rā i ia rā. Kaua e tino kaha ki a koe anō. Whakaaetia ka nui ake tō tuwhera, ā, pono ki a koe ano me ō hoa aroha. Ka āwhina i a koe kia iti ake te whakama ki a koe anō, ā, ka pai ake hoki ō whiringa oranga.”

Ahakoa te āhua uaua o te kōrero i te pono, ko te mōhio ki te kino e pā ana ki a koe me tō whanaungatanga he taahiraa whakamua ki te huarahi tika. He kino te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka pā kino noa iho ki ngā taha e rua e whai wāhi ana. Ko te mōhio ki a koe me mutu te teka i roto i te whanaungatanga, ko te haurua o te pakanga kua toa.

Ko te aroha, te whakaute, me te whakawhirinaki te pūtake o ngā whanaungatanga. Ngāna kia tū koe ki te wāhi o tō hoa. He aha ō whakaaro mēnā ka tinihangatia tonutia koe? Ehara i te mea pai, āe? Whakaarohia mō tētahi wā poto, ā, me whakatau koe kia piri ki te pono. He nui te kaha e hiahiatia ana, engari ki te hiahia pono koe ki te whakarerekē i tō whanonga, noho tonu, kaua hoki e tukua tetahi mea kia hinga koe.

Kia maumahara kia atawhai koe i a koe anō. Kāore a Rōma i hangaia i roto i te rā kotahi. Waihoki, e kore e puta te huringa i te pō kotahi. Me mahi tonu koe ki a koe anō, me te kimi huarahi kē atu i te teka. Kia mōhio koe ka taea te pakaru me te whakatika i ngā tauira kino i roto i te whanaungatangaEhara i te mea ngāwari engari kia pono ki a koe anō me tō whāinga, ā, ka whai hua katoa i te mutunga.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.