Kia mahara ki te kiriata Gone Girl te wāhi e whakahaere ana a Amy i ngā kiripuaki katoa e karapoti ana i a ia, tae atu ki te hunga mātakitaki e mātaki ana i te kiriata? Ko tōna pūkenga ki te tinihanga, ki te whakahaere me te whakawehi i te tangata kia mahi i ngā mea kāore e mahia e rātou i te nuinga o te wā? Ae, koinei tētahi o ngā tauira o te whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga me te pehea e taea ai e te tangata te whakamamae i te tangata i roto i te kare ā-roto.
Pērā i a Amy, ka mahi te tangata tinihanga kare ā-roto i te mahi ngoikore, kore mana. Engari, tērā pea kāore rātou e rongo i tēnā mai i roto. He taputapu noa iho tēnei mahi tinihanga hei āwhina i a rātou ki te whakahaere me te whiwhi mana whakahaere. Ko te hunga tinihanga e whakaari ana he tangata atawhai, he tangata rawakore, he nui ake ō rātou pūkenga i tō whakaaro.
Engari, he aha rā te tangata e taka ai ki tētahi tangata tinihanga pēnei e takaro ana ki ngā kare ā-roto? Nā te mea koinā te pai o tā rātou mahi tinihanga – kāore koe e mōhio kei te tinihangatia koe, kei te taka rānei koe ki ā rātou mahi tinihanga. Nā, me pēhea e mōhio ai koe ina tupu ana? Ā, me aha koe i roto i ēnei āhuatanga?
Me kimi ngā whakautu ki ēnei pātai, mā te āwhina a te kaitohutohu Manjari Saboo (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Whaihua me te Tohu Paerua i roto i te Whakaora Whānau me te Tohutohu Tiaki Tamariki), ko ia te kaiwhakaū o Maitree Counselling, he kaupapa e aro nui ana ki te oranga ngākau o ngā whānau me ngā tamariki. Me tana arataki, kia anga whakamua tātou i te haerenga o te māramatanga me pēhea te tautuhi me te whakatau i te hunga e whakahaere ana i ētahi atu.
He aha te tikanga o te whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
E ai ki Manjari Saboo, "Ko te whakahaere kare ā-roto he mahi tinihanga e whakamahia ana e te tangata hei whiwhi i te aroha, te mana whakahaere, te aro, te manaaki, te aro, me te hiranga. Ina mōhio te tangata ki ngā kaha o tana hoa (pēnei i te mōhiotanga, te tūranga, te māramatanga) ā, e mōhio ana hoki kei te kukume pea ētahi atu tāngata ki ēnei āhuatanga, ka whakamahia e ia te whakahaere kare ā-roto hei whakatū i te mana whakahaere."
Ka takaro te tangata tinihanga kare ā-roto ki tō hinengaro, ā, ka tono kia nui te pono me te huna i a koe. Ka wehea koe e te tangata tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, kia whakawhirinaki katoa ai koe ki a rātou. Mena he nui rawa te ngangau me te kaha o tō whanaungatanga, ā, he maha tonu ngā kōrero a tō hoa i roto i ngā tino kōrero, i ngā tino kōrero rānei, tera pea kei te tinihangatia koe e rātou. Ko ngā rautaki tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka rerekē mai i te kore e whakaae te waihanga i ngā āhuatanga kia kotahi anake te taha e whiwhi ana i ngā painga.
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Ki te hiahia koe ki te mārama ake ki te mahi a te tangata tinihanga me te momo tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka whakamahia e rātou, kua tae mai koe ki te wāhi tika. Ka hoatu e mātou he whakarāpopototanga o ngā tauira 15 e tino kitea ana o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
Kāore i te taurite te whanaungatanga tinihanga, ā, ka e tumanako ana kia nui te aro mai i a koe, ā, ka tere rawa te neke o ngā mea, kāore e taea e koe te aro ki ngā mea e tupu ana. Me pēhea koe e mōhio ai kei roto koe i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei, kāore rānei? Anei ētahi tauira hei āwhina i a koe kia mārama ake tō tirohanga:
1. Ka rerekē ngā tikanga me ngā herenga, i runga i te tangata kei te hē
Ka kitea e te tangata tinihanga kare ā-roto he huarahi hei whakamārama i ana mahi katoa, engari ki te pā mai taua āhuatanga ki a koe, ka rerekē ngā tikanga me ngā herenga. Ko tēnei momo tinihanga tētahi o ngā tauira o te tinihanga hinengaro i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o te tangata tinihanga.
Hei tauira, tirohia tēnei. Ina ka pūmau tō rātou hiahia, ka kiia he mea tika, he mea maori hoki. Engari, ina hae koe, ka whakakorea e rātou ō kare ā-roto me te kī, "E tama, kei roto katoa i tō hinengaro. Kei te māharahara noa koe, kei te mataku hoki." Ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro kei te whakamātau noa rātou i a koe.
2. Ka mutu, ka mahi koe i tā rātou e hiahia ai, i ia wā, i ia wā
Ā, ko te tikanga, i ngā wā katoa, i ngā wā katoa. Mēnā kei te pēhia tonutia ō hiahia ki te taha tō whanaungatanga, kei te whakahaerehia ō kare ā-roto, ā, kāore he ruarua mō tēnā. Mēnā kāore he māramatanga o tētahi ki tētahi, tera pea he kore taurite te mana i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Ngā whanaketanga mana hauora i roto i ngā whanaungatanga he mea tino nui, ā, e mārama ana te ngaro o tēnei āhuatanga ina he raweke te haurua o te whārite aroha.
E hiahia ana koe ki te haere ki waho ki te pāti, engari ka noho tonu koe ki roto. Ka mutu, ka kai koe i te kai Hainamana i ia pō, i ia pō ahakoa he pai ki a koe te kai Inia. Ki te mea ko koe tonu te tangata e whakatau ana i tētahi mea, kei te whakahaerehia ō kare ā-roto i roto i tō whanaungatanga.
3. Ko te tangi tētahi o ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
Ki te mutu tana tangi i ngā wā katoa e hē ana ia, e tautohe ana rānei, kei te whakamahi ia i tētahi rautaki tawhito mō te tinihanga wahine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ki te tangi tonu rānei ia, me te kī pēnei i te, "Me pēhea taku ora, ki te whakarērea ahau e koe?", he tohu tēnā kei te akiakihia koe kia noho roa atu i te taha wairua.
Ahakoa te āhua o te tangi he whakaaturanga maori, he tukunga rānei i te mamae, he momo tinihanga anō hoki tēnei i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Waihoki, ko te whakato i te wehi o te whakarērea ki roto i te hinengaro o tētahi atu tangata tētahi o ngā rautaki tinihanga maha i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ki te mea he maha ō whakaaro pēnei i te, "Ka whakarērea ahau e rātou mēnā ka mahi ahau i tēnei", ko te tikanga kei te takaro rātou ki tō hinengaro.
4. Ka mutu, ka whakapāha koe ahakoa nā rātou te he
Ki te kore rātou e whakaae ki ā rātou hapa, ā, e mataku tonu ana ki te whakaae ki te kawenga, koinā tētahi o ngā rautaki tinihanga tino noa i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ki te kore rātou e hē i ngā wā katoa, ā, ki te whakaaro tonu koe ko koe te tangata kei a koe ngā hapa katoa, kia mōhio koe kei te takaro rātou ki tō hinengaro. Te huri i te hara kei roto i ngā tauira tino rongonui o te tinihanga.
Tērā pea ka kitea koe e whakama ana i ngā wā katoa, ahakoa mō ngā mea e pai ana ki a koe, pērā i te kanikani, te noho tahi rānei me ō hoa. He mea nui ēnei tauira o te mahi tinihanga i te ao tūturu. Tērā pea ka kī mai rātou, "Me pēhea koe i haere ai ki taua whakaaturanga kanikani, i te mea i whakaarohia kia noho tahi koe me ahau?", "Kāore au i te rawaka? He aha koe i noho tahi ai me ō hoa?"
5. Ko te hunga tinihanga e whakaari ana i a rātou anō he pai, ka mutu ko rātou te patunga
Ko ētahi tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te aroha ki a ia anō me te whakarihariha ki a ia anō e whai ana kia whiwhi koe i tō aroha me te whakamahi i tō atawhai. Mēnā he maha tonu ā rātou pātai pēnei, "He aha ahau i pēnei ai? He aha koe i whakaipoipo ai i tētahi tangata kino pēnei i ahau? E kino ana ahau ki a au anō. E tika ana kia whiwhi koe i te pai ake", koinei tētahi o ngā tauira matua o te tinihanga hinengaro i roto i ngā whanaungatanga.
Ko ngā rautaki tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka uru pea ki te whakaiti i tō mamae, me te whakanui ake i ō rātou raruraru. Ki te whakaatu rātou i ngā mea katoa mō rātou anō i a koe e ngana ana ki te whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro me te noho ngoikore ki a rātou, he tauira tēnei o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. He raruraru ō rātou raruraru, engari kāore ōu raruraru.
I roto i tēnei momo whanaungatanga, he maha ngā tauira tinihanga; ko tētahi tauira ko ngā kōrero whakahē pēnei i te, "E hoa, pouri ana ahau kāore koe i whiriwhiria mō taua mahi. Engari, ehara tēnā i te mea nui. He nui ake ngā raruraru hei aro atu mā te hunga pēnei i ahau, pēnei i te wehenga o ōku mātua. He raruraru tūturu tēnā."
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6. Te whakamahi i ō ngoikoretanga me te kore e tino mōhio ki ō kaha
Ko te whakamahi i tō ngoikore kare ā-roto me te whakamahi i ō āwangawanga ki a koe he tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ki te ngoikore koe i te aroaro o tētahi, ka nui tō whakawhirinaki ki a rātou kia kaua e whakamahi i taua mea. Ki te pērā rātou, ehara pea i te aroha.
Hei tauira, ki te tino aro koe ki tētahi mea mamae i pā mai i tō tamarikitanga, ā, ka pēhia taua io kotahi e rātou, kei te mahi koe i tētahi o ngā rautaki tinihanga tino kino rawa atu i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E ai ki a Manjari, ka noho pōuri pea te tangata mō ngā kaha o tana hoa, ā, ka whakamahi i te tinihanga kare ā-roto i roto i tēnei āhuatanga.
E mea ana ia, "Hei tauira, ki te mōhio te tāne he pai ngā pūkenga kōrero a tana wahine, ka ngana pea ia ki te tapahi i a ia, ki te tahae i ngā kōrero ina karapotia te tokorua e ngā hoa, e te whānau rānei, hei whakaatu i tōna hiranga. Tērā pea ka ngana ia ki te whakaara ake i tētahi kaupapa tawhito, kāore e pā ana ki tētahi mea, ka uru atu me te kore e tukua tana wahine kia whakaoti."
7. Ina noho tahi koe me tētahi tangata tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ka ngaro tō arataki matatika
Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe kua takahia ngā uara i tino arohaina e koe i roto i tēnei whanaungatanga, ā, ka mutu ka pātai koe i tō hinengaro i ētahi wā, kei te whakahaerehia koe e te kare ā-roto. Ko ngā kōrero pēnei i te "E, e mōhio ana ahau kāore koe e hiahia ki te moe tāne, engari me pēhea koe e mōhio ai mēnā e pai ana koe ki tēnei mea, ki te kore koe e whakamātau?", "He aha koe te tango noa i tētahi tōnga o tēnei hikareti, tera pea, ka pai koe ki tēnei mea" he tauira o te hinengaro. te whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga.
8. I runga i te ingoa o te aroha
E tohu ana a Manjari ka taea anake te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto mēnā he hononga kare ā-roto tō te tokorua. E mea ana ia, "Tērā pea ka whakamahia koe e ētahi atu engari ko te hunga e arohaina ana e koe anake ka taea te whakahaere i a koe i roto i ngā kare ā-roto. He mea noa te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto. He maha ā tātou mahi i tēnei, me te kore e mōhio. E mōhio pai ana te tokorua e aroha ana tetahi ki tetahi kia mārama ai ki ngā ngoikoretanga o tetahi. Nō reira, e mōhio ana rāua ki tā rāua e kōrero ai, e mahi ai rānei kia tutuki ai tā rāua e hiahia ai.
"Ka hanga pīta te wahine mā tana tāne, ā, ka hokona e ia he whakapaipai/he putiputi māna. Ka whakatenatena te tamaiti i tōna whaea kia haere ia ki waho. He momo tinihanga, he āhua kino hoki ēnei o te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto. He mea tino noa iho tēnei nā te mea kei te whakawhitiwhitihia ngā kare ā-roto."
Ā, kei reira anō te tinihanga e huna ana i te aroha. Ki te mea mai tō hoa wahine, tō wahine rānei, "E aroha ana koe ki ahau, e tika ana? Whakamātauria, wetehia te whai i tēnei kotiro", he tauira matarohia tēnei o te tinihanga wahine i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ki te mea mai rānei tō hoa tāne, tō tāne rānei, "E mōhio ana ahau he nui rawa taku hae engari nā te mea he nui tōku aroha ki a koe", kei te ngana te tāne ki te tinihanga i a koe i roto i ngā kare ā-roto. Ko ēnei e rua ngā tauira matua o te tinihanga e huna ana hei aroha. E ōrite ana ā rātou mahi me ā rātou kupu? Māu tēnā e mōhio.
9. Ka meinga koe e rātou kia pōuri mōu anō
Ko ētahi tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te whakahē tonu me te whanoke hei whakaiti i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō. Tērā pea ka tīmata koe ki te whakaaro he pai ake rātou, he nui ake hoki ō rātou mōhiotanga, engari koinei anake te huarahi hei whiwhi mana ki runga ake i a koe kia pai ake ai rātou. "Whakarongo mai, kāore i te poto rawa taua remu?", "Aue, he pai ake tō āhua mēnā he roa ake koe!", ko ētahi tauira tinihanga kare ā-roto ēnei.
10. Te Whakatoi: He tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
Ko te hamama me te whakamahi i ngā kupu, i ngā whanonga rānei e whakaiti ana i te mana tangata, he tauira anō hoki tēnei o te mahi tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Ko ō rātou pahūtanga me te āhua ki te waihanga i tētahi āhuatanga hei whakama i a koe, he taputapu hei meinga koe kia mataku rawa, kia mutu ai tō kōrero mōu ake, nā te wehi. He mahi tukino ā-hinengaro, ā-pāpori rānei tēnei. Ko tētahi anō hoki o ngā mahi tukino. he tohu kei te raru te riri o tō hoa.
Ko tētahi atu momo tukino ko te tukino hinengaro, ina meinga koe e te tangata kia whakaaro he nui ake ō rātou mōhiotanga mō tētahi kaupapa i a koe. Hei tauira, "He kuware koe, he aha rānei? He pēhea te uaua o te mārama ki tēnei mea mō ō roro?"
11. Ka whakapohehetia e rātou ō kupu
Kua whakaaro kē koe ka hē te whakamārama i ngā mea katoa e kōrerotia ana e koe, ka hurihia, ka ngaro tōna tikanga taketake, ā, ka huri hei mea kē? Āe, koinei hoki tētahi o ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka whakaitihia e tō hoa āna hapa, āna whanonga rānei kia whiwhi ai rātou i te hua o tō atawhai. Ngā tauira tinihanga kare ā-roto? Ki te mea ka kī mai rātou i tētahi mea pēnei i te, "I hē taku whanonga. Engari e mōhio ana koe ki ahau, tika? Kāore au e mahi i ngā mea me te kore take."
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12. Ngā nekehanga nunui: Ko tētahi o ngā tauira tino kitea o te mahi tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga
Kia maumahara ki a Nate (mai i te whakaaturanga euphoria) ka hoatu e ia ki a Maddy he koti utu nui me he kākahu o roto hei whakakapi i tana hoa tāne tukino i te hinengaro me te tinana? Ko tētahi tēnā o ngā momo whanaungatanga tinihanga. Ko ngā haerenga utu nui, ngā tina, me ngā whakaaturanga whakamoemiti i te aroaro o te marea he tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga me te au kino, te au paitini rānei.
He tohu ēnei mō te piripono kino, te hara, me te nga ahuatanga narcissistic Nā te mea e tumanako ana te tangata tinihanga kare ā-roto kia kitea tōna "atawhai". Ko tā rātou noa he whiwhi i tō whakawhirinaki katoa kia taea ai e rātou te whakahaere i a koe i muri mai. Me te mea kei te "hoko" rātou i a koe engari i roto i te huarahi matatau ake. Ki ō rātou hinengaro, he pai ki te mahi kino ki a koe mena ka utua e rātou te utu.
13. Ka whakamahia koe e rātou mō ā rātou hiahia
Ko ngā hiahia kare ā-roto kāore anō kia tutuki ka taka ki roto i ngā tauira tinihanga kare ā-roto. E tumanako ana rātou kia puta mai koe i ngā wā katoa, engari ina hiahiatia ana, kāore rātou e wātea ki te taha kare ā-roto. E tohu ana a Manjari ka taea hoki te tinihanga kare ā-roto i waenga i ngā hoa. E mea ana ia, "Whakaarohia a A rāua ko B he hoa wahine piripono, ā, ka haere mai tētahi tāne, a C, ka whakatata atu ki a A. Ināianei, ki te ngana a B ki te whakatata atu ki te tāne, he tinihanga kare ā-roto, he tinihanga hoki ki tana hoa."
14. Ngā tauira o te whakahaere i ngā whanaungatanga: Te aukati me te whakawātea i te whanaungatanga
Ina tae ki ngā rautaki tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, 'taiapa kohatu', arā, ko te whakakāhore a tetahi hoa ki te kōrero ki tetahi atu, ā, ka wehe atu i te kōrero, he āhuatanga noa iho tēnei. Ka whakamahia e ia te wā puku hei whakahaere i a koe, hei mea hoki kia whai kawenga koe mō ō whanonga.
Ko te huna i ngā kare ā-roto, te mahara whiriwhiri, me ngā kōrero teka mā te wareware, ētahi atu tauira o te whakahaere kare ā-roto. Ko tētahi atu tikanga whakahaere ko te riri puku – kāore rātou e whakaatu i te riri engari ko ā rātou nekehanga tinana me ā rātou mahi e whakaatu ana i te riri nui atu i te kupu.
15. Te tākaro wera me te makariri tonu
E ai ki te waiata a Katy Perry, "Ka huri tō whakaaro, pērā i te kōtiro e huri kākahu ana...nā te mea he wera koe, kātahi ka makariri koe, āe koe, kātahi ka kāo koe...". Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga tino kitea o te tangata tinihanga ko tōna kaha ki te huri i ōna kare ā-roto, ā, kāore koe e mōhio he aha te mea ka puta.
Ko ngā momo whanaungatanga tinihanga ko ngā whanaungatanga e tino rerekē ana te kare ā-roto o te hoa, ā, ka tino kaha te piki me te heke o te kare ā-roto, ka tino pouri hoki te heke. Ki te mea kei te huri tonu tō whanaungatanga i waenga i te tino pai me te mamae, kei roto koe i te whanaungatanga tinihanga kare ā-roto.
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Nā te mea kua tirohia e tātou ētahi momo tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, me neke atu tātou ki te mārama ki ngā tohu e whakaatu ana koe i tētahi tangata tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ko te mea nui ki te hunga tinihanga, kāore koe e kite tonu me pēhea rātou e tinihanga ana i a koe.
Ka mahi tonu rātou me te mea he aroha pono tō rātou ki a koe. Nā te mea he nui tonu tō rātou hiahia, ā, e tū takitahi ana i roto i tā rātou ake rōpū aroha, kāore e taea te ārai i te pouri mō rātou. He nui rawa tō rātou pouri, tō rātou pōuri, ā, kāore rawa koe e whakaaro he tangata pēnei tēnei e tinihanga ana i ō rātou hinengaro. Ā, koinei te wāhi e hē ai tātou katoa. Koia te take me mārama koe ki ngā tohu kei a koe he hoa tinihanga.
1. He maha ā rātou kōrero whakaari
Ina whakaipoipo koe i tētahi tangata he tangata tinihanga, ka kite koe kāore rātou e kōrero i tētahi mea arorau, i tētahi mea tātari rānei. Ko ā rātou kōrero, ko ā rātou mahi rānei, he mea ārahi e te kare ā-roto, he nui hoki. Nā tēnei ka maha ā rātou kōrero i ngā mea tino whakahihiri, kāore pea i te tika i taua wā.
He āhua rerekē te āhua, engari nā te mea he hiahia ki te te manaaki i a rātou, ka taea e koe te pēhi atu, ka tuku atu. Ka whakamahia e rātou ia hapa iti e mahia ana e rātou hei kanga i a rātou anō, hei kukume rānei i te aro ki a rātou anō. I ngā āhuatanga kino rawa atu, ka whakawehi pea rātou ki te whakamomori mēnā kei te pōuri rātou, kei te kore rānei e rangona e koe.
2. Ka tito kōrero te tangata tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga
Ko te hunga tinihanga, e hiahia ana ki tō aro, ka taea hoki e rātou te rite ki ngā kaikōrero teka kino. Ka kite koe i te roanga o te wā, ka mutu te whai tikanga o ngā kōrero, o ngā pūrākau rānei e kōrerotia ana e rātou ki a koe. Tērā pea ka tito noa iho rātou i ngā horopaki i roto i ō rātou mahunga hei whakatutuki i ō rātou hiahia, ā, ka whāngai atu ki a koe.
Nā te aroha, i te tīmatanga, tera pea ka whakapono noa koe ki ngā mea katoa e kōrerotia ana e rātou ki a koe. Engari kāore e roa, ka tīmata koe ki te kite i ngā arai i roto i ā rātou kōrero. Tērā pea ka mea rātou he pukumahi rātou me tētahi hoa, engari ko te mea pono, kei te kāinga noa iho rātou. Tērā pea ka nui rawa atu ā rātou mahi i mua i a koe, ka kī atu kua tū mai he mihi nui ki a rātou i te mahi, engari kāore rawa he mea pērā i tupu.
3. Ka mahi rātou i te mea tino hiahia
Ko te mea tino hoha pea mō te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga me te tangata tinihanga, ko te hiahia tonu mai o rātou ki a koe. Ina kei te mahi koe, ina noho rānei koe i roto i tētahi hui, me tumanako koe ka tae mai he rerenga karere kuputuhi mai i a rātou e pātai ana kei hea koe, he aha rānei koe kāore ai e tuku karere kuputuhi atu ki a rātou.
Ka kino rawa atu ina noho tahi koe me ō hoa. Tērā pea ka waea atu/karere tonu mai rātou ki a koe me te tono kia whakarērea e koe ō mea katoa, kia hoki mai ki te kāinga. Tērā pea he ngaro koe i a rātou, he pouri rawa rānei, ā, e hiahia ana rātou kia tata koe.
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4. Ko te hunga e whakahaere ana i a rātou anō ka ngana tonu ki te whakamā i a koe
Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga o te tangata tinihanga ko tōna kaha ki te hara-takahanga ētahi atu. Ia wā ka tautohetohe kōrua, ka whakahē rānei i tētahi mea, ka ngana rāua ki te whakapae i a koe me pēhea pea koe e whakamahi kino ana i a rāua. Tērā pea ka ruarua tonu koe i a koe anō me ngā mea he o te whanaungatanga.
Ko tētahi o ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ina tautohetohe kōrua mō tētahi mea, ka peka ke atu tō hoa tinihanga i te kaupapa e kōrerohia ana, ka kimi i ētahi atu mea hei whakapae i a koe. Engari i te whakaae i hē tana mahi, ka tahuri tonu ia i te kōrero ki ngā kaupapa e kino ake ai tō whakaaro mō tēnā mea tae noa ki te ngaronga o te kaupapa o te kōrero.
5. Ko te wahangu te patu tino pai ki a rātou
He tino ngāwari te riri ki te hunga tinihanga e whakaari ana i a rātou anō he pai. Tērā pea he āhua mārama, he atawhai hoki rātou ki a koe i te wā e hiahia ana rātou, engari ina whiti atu koe i a rātou, ina kore rānei tetahi mea e pai ki a rātou, ka pakaru te reinga. Ā, i te nuinga o te wā, ka mutu ka hoatu e rātou ki a koe te maimoatanga puku e tatari ana kia toro atu koe ki a rātou i ngā wā katoa me te whakapāha.
6. Ka tīmata te ahua hoha o te whanaungatanga
Ehara i te mea he hoha noa iho koe ki te aro atu ki ō rātou kare ā-roto, engari nā te mea hoki kei te ahua nei kei te hoha koe i ā rātou tono me ā rātou matea tonu mai i a koe. Me mahi tonu koe, me whakautu, me noho i tētahi ara motuhake. Ā, me whakarongo tonu koe ki ā rātou tono i ngā wā katoa. Mai i ngā mea iti ki ngā mea nunui - ko tā rātou ara, ko te huarahi nui rānei.
Ka roa te wā, ka taunga rawa koe ki te whakarongo ki ā rātou tono, ā, kāore pea koe e whakaaro ki tētahi atu huarahi. Ahakoa he whakatau i tā kōrua kai mō te tina, he whiriwhiri rānei i te wāhi e haere ai kōrua mō te Kirihimete, ka tīmata te ahua noa o ngā mea katoa, me te mea he mahi uaua, nā te mea kāore e tutuki i a kōrua te hiahia.
7. Te noho pukuriri-whakaeke
Ko tētahi o ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ko te whanonga i roto i te āhua pukuriri-whakaeke Hei kukume i tō aro, hei whakapataritari rānei i a koe. Ko te hunga e whakamahi ana i ngā rautaki tinihanga i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka nui rawa te mahi pēnei. I ia wā ka mahi koe i tētahi mea hē (kāore pea koe e mōhio he hē), i te kore e pakeke, e whakapuaki i ō rātou whakaaro ki a koe, ka tahuri tō hoa ki te riri tamariki.
Tērā pea ka kite koe i a rātou e hikoi haere ana i te whare hei whakaatu kei te riri rātou, e waiho ana rānei koe kia pānuihia i te wā e whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ana. Tērā pea ka waiho e rātou ngā rīhi kia paru, ka wareware rānei ki te whakapiko i ō kākahu ahakoa kua whakapikohia e rātou ā rātou ake. He āhua kuware pea i te tirohanga tuatahi, engari he hohonu rawa tēnei whanonga, ā, ka tino kino pea.
8. Kāore rātou e tuku i a koe kia whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga
Kāore rawa i te wā e pā ana ki a rātou. Ko te hunga tinihanga e pai ana ki te pupuri i te mana whakahaere o te kōrero. Nō reira, ki te whakahē koe i a rātou, ki te whakapuaki rānei i tētahi tirohanga whakahē, ka pehia e rātou ō āwangawanga. I te rā pai, ka warewarehia e rātou, engari i te rā noa, ka tino whakakorekorehia koe e rātou.
Koinei te wā ka tīmata ai koe ki te whakaiti i tō whanaungatanga, me te mea nei kāore tō hoa e whakarongo ana ki a koe. He nui te whakapau kaha ki te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga — he wāhanga nui o tēnā ko te whakarongo me te mārama ki te tangata kē. Engari ki te noho tahi koe me tētahi tangata tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, e kore rawa koe e whakaaetia kia whakapuaki tika i a koe.
Me aha koe mēnā kei te whakahaerehia koe e te kare ā-roto?
Ko te mōhio ki te raruraru he haurua noa iho o te otinga. Ina mōhio koe ki ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, anei te mea me mahi e koe.
1. Whakamahi i te aroha, engari kia pai ki te haere atu
Kia mōhio koe kāore he he o tōu. Kei te whakaatu noa rātou i ō rātou kino ki a koe. Nō reira, kia aroha ki a rātou. E tohutohu ana a Manjari kia titiro tātou ki ngā kaikōrero kare ā-roto me te aroha, nā te mea ko te meka e tangi ana, e pakū ana rānei rātou i ia wā, i ia wā. tautohe whanaungatanga tērā pea he tohu kei te ngoikore ō rātou kare ā-roto. E ai ki a ia, i roto i tēnei āhuatanga, he pai ake te whakapuaki i ngā take tairongo i te wā tika, ā, i te wā e tika ana te hinengaro.
E mea ana ia, "Me tautoko, me mārama, me whakaute hoki te tangata pēnei i ō rātou kare ā-roto. Me mahi tahi tā rātou hoa me ō rātou kaha, me ako hoki ki te whakahaere i ngā ngoikoretanga. He tohu kino tēnei ina puta te whakahaere kare ā-roto hei whakapehapeha, hei hae, hei whakamahi i ngā kare ā-roto. Ki te mea kei te mamae ō kare ā-roto, me tirotiro."
Engari, ehara te aroha i te tikanga o te manawanui ki ngā whanonga kino, ahakoa te kino o tō hauora hinengaro me tō oranga ngākau. Kia rite ki te wehe atu mēnā kāore tēnei whanaungatanga e āwhina ana i a koe kia noho hei putanga pai rawa atu o koe. Whakapono mai, ka mihi koe ki a koe anō ā muri ake nei.
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2. Whakawhirinaki ki a koe anō me te hunga e karapoti ana i a koe
He reo iti kei roto i tō hinengaro e kī tonu ana kei te hē tetahi mea? Kei te kī tonu mai anō tēnā he tika kia whiwhi koe i te pai ake? Me mahi he mahi māu, me whakawhirinaki ki tēnā. E kore rawa ō kare ā-roto e ārahi i a koe ki te hē. Me rapu tohutohu hoki i ō hoa pono me tō whānau kia kitea ai ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. E mōhio ana rātou ki a koe, ā, e mōhio ana rātou ki te tika o te atawhai i a koe. Tukua rātou kia ārahi i a koe.
"Rapua ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga hauora: te whanaungatanga piripono, te whakapau kaha, te ōritetanga, te taurite, te ahunga whakamua, ngā uara tiritahi, te aroha, te manaaki, te whakawhirinaki, me te whakaute. Whakarongo ki ngā pere whakaoho e tangi ana i roto i tō mahunga, ā, whakarongo ki ngā hoa me ngā mema o te whānau e mōhiotia ana he pai mōu. Kaua e wareware ki a rātou, ahakoa te nui o tō hiahia," te tuhituhi a Adelyn Birch i roto i te 30 Ngā Rautaki Whakararu Hinengaro: Me pēhea te whakahaere a ngā kaiwhakararu i ngā whanaungatanga whaiaro.
3. Whakaritea o rohe
Ki te mea he tangata ngāwari koe ki te tinihanga, ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakamahia kinotia tō kuware e te tangata, tīmata ki te tū atu ki te ao, ki te ako hoki ki te whakatakotohia ngā rohe kare ā-roto i roto i ngā whanaungatangaKa taea anake e te tangata te whai hua mēnā ka tukuna e koe. Tīmata kia pakari ki tāu e hiahia ana. He māmā noa iho te tono i te rihi e pai ana ki a koe i tētahi wharekai. He uaua hoki te whiriwhiri ko tēhea tāone hei noho, ko tēhea mahi rānei hei mahi māu.
Me whakamōhio tō hoa ki ngā mea ka taea e koe te whakamanawanui, me ngā mea kāore e taea e koe te whakamanawanui. Kātahi, kia mau ki aua kōwhiringa ahakoa pēhea. E kore rātou e whakahaere i a koe mēnā ka kite rātou i te whakapono i roto i ō kanohi me tō reo. Hei tauira, ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te moe tahi, me kī noa. Koinei te aroha - te kōrero i te pono, ahakoa te uaua.
4. Kaua e ngana ki te tākaro i te kēmu
Kia mōhio koe ki ngā tauira o te tinihanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, kaua e piko ki raro ki tō rātou taumata, kaua hoki e tīmata ki te tākaro hinengaro ki a rātou. Kia mōhio koe he porowhita mutunga kore tēnei, ā, ka mutu ka ngaro tō ngākau me tō wairua, ka ngana koe ki te hinga i a rātou. He pai ake koe i tērā. Kia kaha ake koe, kaua e ngaro tō tūnga. Ki te haere koe i taua ara, ka nui ake te kino o tō whanaungatanga i tōna āhua o mua.
5. Rapua he rongoā
Ehara i te mea ko tō hoa rangatira anake te tangata e hiahia ana ki te rongoā. Hei whakakore i te whakahaere kare ā-roto, me wareware koe i ngā mea maha kua whakaakona koe kia whakapono, mai i tō tamarikitanga me tō whakatipuranga. Ā, ko te kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana anake ka taea te āwhina i a koe ki te wareware. Ka taea e rātou te tohu i ngā tauira o te whakahaere i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, te āwhina i a koe ki te mōhio mēnā kei roto i a koe, me te aha me mahi i ngā wā tino kino.
Ina hoki, ka taea e te rongoā te āwhina i a koe kia noho hei tangata pumau, pakari, me te māia ake, me te whakaaro pai ki a ia anō me te whakapono. Hei tohunga, ka taea e rātou te kite i ō tauira me te wawahi i ngā tikanga tawhito. Ko te ngā kaitohutohu mai i te rōpū a Bonobology, tae atu ki a Manjari Saboo, ka āwhina i a koe i tō haerenga whakaora.
Tohutohu Matua
- Kaua e tukua ngā mahi nunui, ngā whakamārama rānei mō te aroha kia mawhiti i te whakahaere i a koe.
- Tērā pea ka whakapohehetia ō kupu e rātou, engari me whakapono koe ki a koe anō.
- Ko te pukuriri, te wahangu rānei, ko tā rātou patu tino pai.
- Me whakatakoto e koe he rohe pakari hei whakatau i tētahi kaipahua.
- Kia mārama ki tōu ake mana, ā, haere atu mēnā e tika ana.
Ka taea e te tinihanga kare ā-roto te whakamate i tō whakaaro ki a koe anō, ā, ka pātai koe mō tōu ao tūturu. Tērā pea ka ngaro tō āhua taketake, ā, ka mutu ka kapi koe i te koretake me ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki. Ka ngoikore haere ō parepare, ā, ka ngoikore ake koe ki te tinihanga anō. Engari, kia mahara, he ara tonu kei reira hei puta atu i tēnei. Kia mahara, he nui ake te kōrero a ngā mahi i ngā kupu. Kaua hoki e wareware ki ō kare ā-roto. Kaua e wareware he tika koe kia arohaina, kia whakautehia hoki, i ngā wā katoa.
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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
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