Ngā Tautohe i roto i te Hononga — Ngā Momo, te Auau, me te Me Pēhea te Whakahaere

E mea ana rātou kaua rawa e moe pōrangi. Nō reira, ka noho ara ake māua ko taku hoa i runga i te moenga, ka tautohetohe. I ētahi wā ka nui te haruru. I ētahi wā ka marino. Kei te roa o te pō me te hiakai o te tangata. Kāore ngā tautohetohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e tohu ana kei roto koe i ngā wai raruraru. Ko te tikanga kei te āraihia e te tokorua tētahi pakanga nui mā te whakaoti i ngā pakanga iti. He maha ā māua momo pakanga, mai i ngā pakanga 'he aha te kai mā te tina' ki ngā pakanga 'ko wai ka horoi i ngā rīhi' ki ngā pakanga 'he nui rawa te hangarau e aukati ana i tō māua wā kounga'.

I tawai mai taku hoa i muri i tētahi tautohe, ā, i mea mai ia he pai ake ki ahau te moe i te hinga i tētahi pakanga. E whakaae ana ahau, me tuku e ahau tētahi pakanga kia manawa tae noa ki te rā e whai ake nei i mua i te whakatau i te raruraru. Engari he pai ki te tautohe me te tuku i ngā mea katoa (ina rite kōrua) nā te mea ka mutu te tautohetohe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, ko te tikanga kua mutu tō kōrua aro. Ko Joseph Grenny, te kaituhi tahi o te pukapuka hokohoko pai rawa atu o te New York Times Nga Korero Whakahirahira, e tuhituhi ana ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e totohe ana, ka noho tahi tonu. Ka tīmata te raruraru ina tīmata koe ki te karo i aua tautohe.  

Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe kia mārama he aha te hiranga o ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga, mā te kōrero tahi me te kaiārahi. Nishmin Marshall, he tohunga ki te tuku tohutohu mō ngā marena kore aroha, ngā marena tukino, te hoha, ngā pakanga, me ngā raruraru moepuku. E mea ana ia, "Ko te tautohetohe he putanga whakararuraru noa iho o te whakapuaki i tō whakaaro. Ina whawhai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka puta he māramatanga. Ka āwhina i a rātou ki te mārama ki ngā tirohanga a tētahi ki tētahi."

Ngā Momo Kāhua Tautohe

Ka whawhai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine? Āe. He maha atu i tō whakaaro. He mea noa ngā tautohetohe iti i roto i ngā whanaungatanga. Heoi, he rerekē ngā huarahi e tautohetohe ai te tangata, ā, kāore he tokorua e tautohetohe ana i te huarahi kotahi. Kei runga tēnei i tō rātou momo piripono, i tō rātou mōhiotanga kare ā-roto, me tō rātou urupare whawhai-rere-kāore rānei. E whā ngā momo momo tautohetohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga:

1. Kāhua whakaeke

Nā te riri, te pōuri, me te riri nui i whakaohokia ai tēnei momo tautohetohe, ko te tohu i ngā hapa katoa a te hoa. Ka puta tēnei tautohetohe ina kore tetahi o te hoa e mōhio. me pēhea te whakahaere i te riri i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka taea e te tautohetohe te huri hei riri, ā, ko te take o tēnei he whakapae i tētahi tangata. Ko ētahi o ngā tauira ko: 

• "Ka waiho tonu e koe te tauera mākū ki runga i te moenga"
• "Kāore koe e mahi i tāu wāhanga o te mahi kīhini"
• "Kāore rawa koe e tango i te para ki waho"

2. Kāhua parepare

Ka puta tēnei momo tautohetohe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga ina mahi te tangata e whakapaetia ana mō tētahi mea pērā i te patunga. Tērā pea ka tīmata rātou ki te tiaki i a rātou anō mā te tohu i ngā ngoikoretanga me ngā hapa o te tangata kē. Hei tauira: 

• "Me i horoia e koe ngā rīhi i tēnei pō, kua tangohia e au te para i waho"
• "I mōhio koe he pukumahi ahau, nō reira he aha koe te whakamahara mai ai i ahau kia mahi i taua mea? Kua mahia e au. He aha te uaua ki a koe te whakamahara mai i ahau i ia rā?"
• "Kāore e taea e koe te whakapae mai i ahau mō tētahi wā?"

3. Kāhua whakarērea 

Ko koe te tangata e whakarērea ana tō whakaaro, ko koe rānei te tangata e ngana ana ki te akiaki i te tautohetohe kia mārama ai tō whakaaro. Mena ko koe te tangata tuatahi, tera pea ka rapu huarahi koe hei karo i te tautohetohe. E whakaatu ana tēnei he tangata koe e karo ana i ngā pakanga, ā, ka ngana koe ki te pupuri i te rangimārie. Mena ko koe te tangata tuarua, ko koe te tangata e tino hiahia ana ki te whakapuaki i tō whakaaro. 

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4. Kāhua tuwhera

Me pēhea te whai i tētahi tautohetohe hauora i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga? Whakamātauria he tautohetohe tuwhera. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi tino hauora ki te tautohetohe ki tētahi hoa. He tuwhera koe, he whai whakaaro hoki ki te āhuatanga katoa. Kāore koe e aro nui ki ō tirohanga, e ngana ana rānei ki te whakaatu he hē te tangata kē. 

7 Ngā Take Matua e Whawhai ai ngā Tāne me ngā Wahine 

E kī ana a Nishmin, "Ehara i te mea kino ngā pakanga a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Ina kōrero koe mō te hē, ka nui ake te whakaute o tō hoa rangatira ki a koe mō te whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga. Ina pupuri koe i te mauahara i roto i a koe, ā, ka meinga te hoa rangatira kia whakaaro kāore rātou e pā ki a koe ahakoa te aha, ka tīmata rātou ki te whakaaro he mea noa iho koe." Ahakoa rā, ehara i te mea he ōrite ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe katoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko ētahi he kino ake i ētahi atu. Hei āwhina i a koe ki te wehewehe i waenga i te hauora me te kore hauora, me titiro tātou ki ngā momo, ngā take, me ngā take o ngā tautohetohe whanaungatanga:

1. Te tautohetohe mō ngā pūtea

Ehara i te mea hou te tautohetohe a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine mō te moni. Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā momo pakanga i roto i ngā whanaungatanga e kore e mutu. Mena kei te noho tahi kōrua, ā, kua whakatau kōrua ki te whakahaere tahi i ā kōrua pūtea, kāti, kāore e taea te karo i ēnei pakanga. Mena kei te pai ngā hoa tokorua ki te whakatau i tēnei take, me te whakarite i tētahi rārangi tahua me te kore e whakapouri tetahi i tetahi mō te whakapau moni koretake, kei te huarahi tika kōrua. 

2. Te whawhai tonu mō te mea kotahi

Mena ka mau koe te whawhai mō te mea kotahi I ētahi wā, tera pea kāore koe e ngana ana ki te mārama ki te tirohanga a te tangata kē. Kei te tohe tonu kōrua ko tētahi o kōrua he tika, ko tētahi he hē. Ka roa pea ēnei pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga mēnā kāore e whakatikahia tika. Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe he aha te nui o te tautohetohe he mea noa i roto i te whanaungatanga, tera pea he maha rawa ō kōrua pakanga, nā te mea kua roa kē pea ō raruraru. 

3. Te tautohetohe mō ngā mahi o te whare

He aha ngā take e ngangau ai ngā tāne me ngā wāhine? Ko ngā mahi o te whare te take o ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga i te nuinga o te wā. He kaupapa nui tēnei i waenganui i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Nā te mea, ki te kore e taurite te wehewehenga o ngā mahi i te kāinga, ka ara ake pea he maha ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe kino. Nā te mea he nui rawa te aro o tētahi o ngā hoa ki a ia anō, he kore mōhio, he mangere rānei ki te mahi i tā rātou mahi. 

E ai ki rangahau i whakahaerehia mō te hononga i waenga i te mahi kāinga me te makona o te moepuku, i kitea i te wā i kī mai ai ngā hoa tāne he pai te takoha a ngā hoa tāne ki ngā mahi kāinga, ka nui ake te maha o ngā hononga moepuku i waenganui i te tokorua. He mārama, kāore te marena e whakamana i te aroha me te hiahia.

4. Ngā tautohe e pā ana ki te whānau

Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā pakanga noa a ngā tokorua. Tērā pea he aha ngā take e tautohetohe ai – te kore e pai o tō hoa ki tō whānau, te whakaaro rānei koe kāore tō hoa e aro nui ana ki a koe pērā i a ia e aro nui ana ki tōna whānau. He hohonu ngā hononga whānau. Nō reira, kāore e taea te karo i ēnei tautohetohe. Ko tētahi tēnei o ngā raruraru whanaungatanga pea, ā, me kōrero kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, me te kimi huarahi hei whakaoti i tēnei raruraru.

5. Ngā tautohe i puta mai i ngā take whakawhirinaki

Mā te whawhai tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga nā te whakapae ka tino kino te turanga o tō aroha. Mēnā kua uru te whakapae, te kore whakawhirinaki, te tinihanga rānei ki roto i te whanaungatanga, ka mutu pea he tautohetohe tonu. Ka uaua pea te hoki ki te āhua o mua o tō whanaungatanga. Ina pakaru te whakawhirinaki, he tino uaua ki te hanga anō. Engari kia mōhio koe, mā te whakapau kaha, te pono, me te aroha, kāore he mea e kore e taea. Ki te kore koe e mōhio me pēhea te whakatau i te kore whakawhirinaki, ka taea e tō hoa te wehe atu i te taha hinengaro i ngā wā katoa.

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6. Ka tautohetohe ngā tāne me ngā wāhine mō ngā kōwhiringa momo noho 

He aha ngā take e puta ai ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ngā kōwhiringa āhua noho. Mena he pai ki tētahi te pāti, ā, he tangata kāinga tētahi, tera pea ka puta ēnei pakanga. Ko te hoa noho puku, kāore e pai ki te haere ki waho, tera pea ka pēhia ia ki te mahi i ngā mea e rerekē ana ki tōna āhua me ōna hiahia. Ka kino pea ia ki a ia anō. Ko te hoa noho puku, i tētahi atu taha, tera pea ka whakaaro ia kāore e taea e ia te haere tahi me tana hoa i te nui o tana hiahia, ā, he uaua pea tēnā ki a ia. Me whakaae kōrua, me te kimi i tētahi huarahi waenga. 

7. Ngā rerekētanga mātua

Ko tēnei hoki tētahi o ngā raruraru marena e pā ana ki ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kāore e mōhio ki te wehewehe i ngā mahi mātua. E wehewehe ana hoki rātou mō te whakatipu i ā rātou tamariki me te tiaki i a rātou. Ki te kore e whakatika wawetia tēnei raruraru, ka pā pea ō tautohetohe tonu me ngā rerekētanga mātua ki te tamaiti. Ka taea e tēnei te hanga i te kore aro. ngā āhuatanga e tono ai tātou i ā tātou tamariki kia tū taha.

Kia pēhea te nui o te tautohetohe he mea noa i roto i te whanaungatanga?

Hei mōhio ki te nui o te pakanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga, i whakapā atu mātou ki Ridhi Korekāha, (MA Psychology), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō ngā marena kore aroha, ngā wehenga, me ētahi atu raruraru whanaungatanga. E mea ana ia, "Ki te puta he hamama i ētahi wā, kāore he mea e manukanuka ai. Ka ngaro te marino o te katoa i ētahi wā. Heoi, ki te whawhai tonu kōrua, me whakamōhio e koe ki tō hoa kāore ēnei whawhai e whai hua ana ki te whanaungatanga."

"Ki te kore koe e kōrero ki tō hoa rangatira kei te whakararuraru tētahi o ā rātou mahi i a koe, e kore rawa rātou e mōhio. Ehara tō hoa i te kaipānui hinengaro ki te mōhio ki ngā mea e tupu ana i roto i tōu mahunga. A te kore korero ka puta noa te riri i ngā taha e rua. Ka hua ake pea tēnei i te pakanga tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka tino hoha. Tērā pea ka pātai koe mēnā he pai te whakapau i tō kaha. Engari ehara i te mea koinei te kaupapa o ngā whanaungatanga? Ka whawhai koe, ka whakapāha, ka muru hara, ka kihi tetahi i tetahi. Ehara i te mea he pai ki a koe te whawhai. Nā te mea e hiahia ana koe kia noho tahi me tēnei tangata ahakoa ngā wā uaua.

"Heoi, ehara i te mea ka taea e koe te tīmata tautohetohe i hea, i ngā wā katoa. He mea tino nui te tautohetohe āta whakaaro. Me whiriwhiri e koe te wā tika hei whakapuaki i ō āwangawanga. Ki te mea he whawhai, he totohe, he amuamu, he whakahē noa iho kōrua tetahi ki tetahi, he mea kino tēnā, ā, i tētahi wā, i tētahi wā ka pā kino ki tō hauora hinengaro." Ko ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e tautohetohe ana me te arotahi noa ki ngā pakanga me te ngana ki te whakaatu he hē te tangata kē, me te kore e mōhio me pēhea te whakamutu i te tautohetohe tonu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka wehe kē rātou.

Anei ētahi tawhā hei āwhina i a koe ki te aromatawai i te wā kua huri ō pakanga ki te rohe kino:

• Ina tīmata koe ki te whakahē i tētahi atu tangata
• Ina tīmata koe ki te kōrero kino ki a rātou
• Ina kore koe e whawhai mō te whanaungatanga engari mō te whanaungatanga 
• Ina hoatu e koe ngā kupu whakamutunga, ā, ka whakawehi koe ki te whakarērea aua mea 

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Ngā Painga me ngā Huakore o ngā Tautohe Whakawhanaungatanga 

Ko ngā tautohetohe i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga, ko te tikanga kāore kōrua i te tino mārama tetahi ki tetahi, ā, kei te uaua ki te urutau ki te wā i muri i te marena honi. Engari he mea noa te whawhai i ia rā i roto i te whanaungatanga? Āe, kei te momo whawhai kei a kōrua tēnā. Ka taea e te pakanga te whai wāhi ki te ako atu mō te tangata kē, te whakaora, me te tipu tahi. He tokomaha te hunga e whakaaro ana he kino te whawhai a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Engari he kōrero teka tēnā. Ka nui ake te pono ki roto i te whanaungatanga. Heoi, e ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai i mua, kāore i te rite te hanga o ngā tautohetohe katoa, ā, he pai, he kino hoki ngā whawhai i waenga i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, tae atu ki: 

Ngā painga o ngā tautohetohe i waenga i ngā hoa faaipoipo:

• Ina tautohe ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka ako rātou mō ngā hapa o tētahi ki tētahi, me ō rātou ake ngoikoretanga, ngā rerekētanga o ngā whakaaro, me ngā huarahi whakaaro. Ka whakatata atu rātou mā te hanga i tētahi taumata māramatanga hohonu ake. Ina ako koe ki te whakahaere me te whakaae ki aua rerekētanga, ka hanga e koe he whanaungatanga aroha me te rangimārie.
• Ka taea e ngā tautohe te whakapakari i a kōrua hei tokorua. Ina whakatauhia e kōrua he tautohe mā te kī "E aroha ana ahau ki a kōrua, ā, e koa ana ahau kei te kōrero tāua mō tēnei mea," e whakaatu ana tēnei he nui ake tō whakaaro nui ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga i ō kōrua rerekētanga. 
• A, no te koe whakapāha pono i muri i te pakanga, ka whakatōkia he wairua parakore me te oranga ngākau. Ka pai tō whakaaro mōu anō me tō whanaungatanga.

raruraru o ngā tautohetohe i waenganui i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine:

• Ina tahuri ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e tautohetohe ana ki te whakahē me te whakapae i a rātou anō, ka mutu ka whakamahia e rātou ngā kīanga "Koe" pērā i te "Koe tonu," "Koe rawa," me te "Koe anake". Mā ēnei kīanga ka whakama te tangata kē, ka whakaekea hoki, ā, ka ārai i te tipu.
• Ki te kore koe e whakatau i tētahi tautohe, ka roa ake te pakanga. Nō reira, ka riri koe, ka pōuri, ka mauahara hoki ki tō hoa.
• Mā te tautohetohe tonu mō te mea kotahi ka mawehe atu koe i tō hoa. Ka tīmata rātou ki te karo i a koe kia kore ai e puta te tautohetohe. 

Ngā Mea e Tika ana, Ngā Mea Kāore e Tika ana i te Wā e Tautohe Ana ki tō Hoa 

He mea noa te whawhai i ia rā i roto i te whanaungatanga? Hei whakautu i te pātai, he Reddit kaiwhakamahi e kī ana, "Ko te auau o te whawhai a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, kei te whakamāramatanga o te whawhai me te tautohetohe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka uru katoa ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki ngā tautohetohe ngangau? Kāore pea. Ka puta he whakahē a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ētahi wā? Ae. Tērā ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine e tautohetohe ana i waho. Kātahi ka puta anō hoki ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine e tautohetohe ana i roto i te huarahi pukuriri-kaha. Ā, ko ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine e karo noa ana i ngā raruraru. He motuhake te whakahaere me te whakatau a ia tangata i te pakanga, nō reira ko te rautaki whakatau pakanga ka rerekē anō hoki i waenga i te tokorua me te tokorua.”

Me mārama ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e totohe ana he iti noa ngā ture mō te totohe i roto i te whanaungatanga. He maha ngā mea e tika ana, me ngā mea kāore e tika ana i te wā e whakatau ana i ngā tautohe. Anei ētahi tohutohu mō te whawhai i roto i te whanaungatanga:

hoki	Nga Tangata
Whakarongo tonu ki tā rātou taha o te kōrero	Kaua e aro tonu ki ngā amuamu; kia arotahi tō huarahi ki te otinga
Whakamahia tonutia ngā kupu "ahau" hei whakapuaki i tō whakaaro	Kaua rawa ngā tokorua e tautohe ana e whakamahi i ngā kupu whakanui pēnei i te "tonu" me te "kore rawa"
Kia maumahara tonu kei te taha kotahi kōrua. Kāore kōrua e whawhai ana tetahi ki tetahi, engari e whawhai tahi ana ki tētahi raruraru.	Kaua e whakapae, kaua e whakahē, kaua hoki e kukume i ō mema o te whānau ki roto i ō raruraru
Whakarongo mai me te aroha	Kaua rawa e whakaititia te take, kaua hoki e whakakorekore i ngā āwangawanga a tō hoa
Kia whai wā whakamātao	Kaua e patu i raro i te whitiki, kaua hoki e aro ki ō rātou ngoikoretanga
Whakaaturia te aroha tinana mēnā e pai ana ki a kōrua. Pā atu ki a rāua ahakoa kei te tautohe kōrua.	Kaua e tuku kupu whakamutunga, kaua hoki e whakawehi kia wehe atu i te whanaungatanga
Whakaaetia ō hapa, ā, whakapāha mai	Kia ea te taupatupatu, kaua e whakahuatia anō i ngā tautohe a muri ake nei

He aha i Hauora ai ngā Tautohe 

"He aha tātou ka tautohetohe ai? He pai te whawhai i roto i ngā whanaungatanga?" Tērā pea ka pāngia tō hinengaro e ēnei pātai i muri i ia tautohetohe ki tō hoa rangatira. E kī ana a Ridhi, "Ahakoa ngā take o ngā tautohetohe, ka tautohetohe ngā tāne me ngā wāhine nā te mea e aroha ana rāua tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ko tētahi mea i mahia, i kōrerotia rānei e tētahi tangata kei te whakararuraru i tētahi atu. Kāore e taea te tuku atu, nā te mea ka huri hei karo. Ko te kore aro he mea kino, engari ko ngā tautohetohe whanaungatanga he tino pai nā te mea kāore koe e huna ana i ngā raruraru. Kei te whakaatu koe i tō aroha me tō hiahia ki te whakatika i ngā raruraru. Ehara i te mea ko ēnei tautohetohe kei te anga atu koe ki te ara whakarere."

"He mea noa te whawhai i ia rā i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ae, ki te mea ko te whāinga he hanga hononga kaha"Kāo, mēnā ko tāu noa he whakaputa i tō riri me te whakahē i tō hoa. Mā te āwhina o ēnei tautohetohe iti i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka ako koe i ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te mamae, i ngā whara, me ngā āwangawanga o tētahi ki tētahi. Ka mōhio ake koe ki ngā pūnaha uara o tētahi ki tētahi. Ko ngā tautohetohe he kōrero anō hoki i waenganui i te tokorua kāore i te rite te whakaaro engari kei roto i te kapa kotahi."

8 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakahaere i ngā Tautohe i roto i te Hononga

Ko te kaupapa o tētahi tautohe he kimi i te raruraru, he rongoā hoki. Ina tautohe tonu ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka wareware rātou ki tā rātou ūnga matua, arā, ko te kimi i tētahi otinga. Ka noho ko te pātai 'E hia te nui o te whawhai' hei pātai nui ina totohe noa iho, ā, kāore koe e mōhio ana. me pēhea te tuku i te riri Ahakoa kua roa te wā e whakatauhia ai te tautohe. Mena ko te whāinga he toa i tētahi tautohe me tō hoa rangatira, kua hinga kē koe. Anei ētahi tohutohu mō te whakahaere i ngā tautohe me tō hoa rangatira hei āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tautohetohe ki te whakatau i ngā tautohe me te pūkenga ake:

1. Kawea te kawenga mo o mahi 

Ki te mamae tō hoa nā ō mahi, whakaaetia. Ka roa ake tō mahi me te mea he tangata tapu koe, ā, kāore he mea e hē ana i a koe, ka nui ake te tūponotanga o tō whanaungatanga. Kāore e taea te whakatutuki i te pai o te whanaungatanga ina whakaaro tetahi he tika tonu ia, ā, me ngohengohe tonu tetahi ki tana i pai ai. Kua tae ki te wā kia whakapāha koe mō ō hapa. Āta karohia ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, me whai kawenga mō ō hē. Koinei tētahi o ngā mahi pai o te whanaungatanga ka taea e koe te mahi hei whakapai ake i te kounga o tō aroha.

2. Ako ki te whakaae 

Ko te mōhio ki te whakaae tahi te mea e arahi ana ki te pai o te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa kei te whawhai koe i roto i te whanaungatanga, akohia te whakaae tahi. Kāore e taea e koe te whakatutuki i tō hiahia i ia wā, i ia wā. Ki te kore koe e hiahia ki te whawhai kotahi, ki te tautohetohe kotahi i ia rā, he pai ake te whakaae tahi i ētahi wā. Anei ētahi ngā tohutohu mō te whakamāoritanga i roto i te marena te whanaungatanga rānei:

• Kati te tautohetohe mō ngā rihi paru, me te wehewehe i ngā mahi o te whare mō tētahi wā.
• I tēnei wā, kia aro atu ki ngā mahi whakangahau a tētahi ki tētahi
• Āta karohia ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga mā te whakapuaki mārama i ngā tumanakohanga me ngā matea kare ā-roto, ā-pūtea, ā-tinana hoki
• Whakapaua he wā kounga hei whakanui ake i te pai o te whanaungatanga
• Me titiro kanohi tonu ki a rātou, me te ngana ki te whakapuaki i tō aroha me te kore kupu i ētahi wā.
• Kōrero tetahi ki tetahi ina tīmata te ahua o te "patunga tapu"

3. Whakatārewatia he wā poto ki te manawa 

Ina kei roto kōrua i tētahi tautohe werawera, kaua e whāngai ā-ture i ō whakaaro me ō tirohanga katoa ki tō hoa. Me mahi i tēnā ina marino kōrua. Ki te mea kei te hamama tō hoa, kāore koe e hiahia ki te hamama ki a ia hei whakaatu noa i tō reo, ā, e mōhio ana koe ki te tū atu. Ka whakanui noa iho ēnei mea i te ahi. Ina uru tō hoa ki tētahi momo tautohe whakangaro, me whai wā whakamātao. Haere atu i te āhuatanga. 

Te pānui e pā ana: 19 Ngā Tauira o Ngā Rohe Hauora i roto i ngā Hononga

4. Kaua e akiaki i a rātou ki te whawhai 

He pai, he pakeke hoki tō hoa mēnā e mōhio ana ia kāore e taea e ia te whakahaere i te pakanga, ā, ka mutu pea ka mahi, ka kōrero rānei i tētahi mea ka pouri ai ia. E whakaatu ana tēnei i tōna mōhio ki a ia anō. Nō reira, mēnā i roto i tētahi o ēnei pakanga e mura ana te riri, ka whakatau tō hoa ki te whai wā ki te manawa, tukua ia. I runga i te tono a tō hoa/te nekehanga i hangaia mō ēnei wā, tukua ia kia noho ko ia anake, kaua hoki e whaia ia me te hamama noa i te pito o tō arero.

5. Kāore he karanga ingoa kino

Ina he maha ngā wā e whawhai ana kōrua ko tō hoa, tera pea nā te mea kāore tetahi o kōrua e whakatau ana i te āhuatanga, me te tāpiri atu i ngā raruraru ki te ranunga. Kia mahara noa koe kia kaua e whakamahi kupu whakaiti i a rāua i ngā wā katoa e tautohetohe ana kōrua ko tō hoa, nā te mea te karanga ingoa i roto i te whanaungatanga ka tino kino te turanga o tō aroha me tō ngākau aroha. Ko ētahi atu mea hei maumahara māu ko:

• Kaua e tuku kōrero whakatoi 
• Kaua e whakahawea ki tōna āhua, kaua hoki e tohu i te āhua o tō hoa. 
• Kaua e whakamahia ō rātou ngoikoretanga hei patu i a rātou 
• Kaua e kī atu ki a rātou kia "muku te waha" me te mahi pērā i te hunga mōhio ki ngā mea katoa
• Kaua e whakapae i tetahi mea 
• Kaua e tuku kōrero whakaiti 
• Kaua e ngana ki te whakahihi i tō hoa rangatira 

6. Kaua e tautohetohe mō ētahi mea i te wā kotahi

Koinei tētahi o ngā take e heke ai ngā taunekeneke pai i waenga i ngā hoa. Kaua e whawhai katoa i te wā kotahi. E kī ana a Ridhi kia arotahi tō kaha ki te tautohe kotahi anake, kaua e whawhai mō ngā mea katoa e hē ana i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Hei tāpiri, ina mutu te tautohetohe, kaua e whakaarahia anō ki tētahi atu tautohetohe.

7. Kia maumahara kei roto koe i te tīma kotahi

Ahakoa te aha te take o ngā tautohetohe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ko te mea nui ko te āhua o tā koutou aro atu ki ēnei tautohetohe hei "rōpū". Kia maumahara tonu kāore kōrua e whawhai ana tetahi ki tetahi. Kei te whawhai tahi kōrua ki tētahi raruraru. Ina whakarerekētia ō momo tautohetohe i roto i ngā whanaungatanga, ā, ka whawhai tahi hei rōpū, koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi ki te whai... ngā tautohetohe hauora i roto i te whanaungatanga. 

8. Kaua e ārai i tō hoa i muri i te whawhai 

Kairangahau i kitea ko te aukati i te whanaungatanga he momo tukino kare ā-roto anō hoki, ā, he pānga kino ki te hauora hinengaro o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. Ka pāngia hoki te hauora tinana e tēnei hauora hinengaro. Ka pakari ō kaki, ka maha ngā mamae o te upoko, ka mamae hoki ō pakihiwi. Nō reira, ki te kore koe e kōrero ki tō hoa i muri i te pakanga, ko te tikanga kei te āta whakaroa koe i te pakanga ahakoa kua oti ngā mea te whakatau. Kei te ngana noa koe ki te whiu i a rātou mā te aukati i a rātou. Kaua e whakaatu i te mangere o tō hoa mā te kore e aro ki te hauora whānui o tō hoa.

Ahakoa he maha ā kōrua pakanga, ehara i te mea kua tata mutu tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ko te whāinga matua o ngā whanaungatanga ko te kimi i ngā wā whakakatakata ahakoa kei te mura te riri o kōrua tokorua. Mēnā ka tika te whakahaere, ka taea e ēnei te whakapai ake i tō kōrua hototahitanga hei tokorua. Mēnā kei te kaha haere ō kōrua pakanga, ā, kāore he mea hei whakamama i te kino, me whakaaro koe ki te tohutohu i te tokorua kia kitea ai te pūtake o ō raruraru. Mēnā kei te rapu āwhina ngaio koe, he tohunga noa iho te rōpū kaitohutohu mātau o Bonobology. pāwhiri atu.  

Kua whakahoutia tēnei tuhinga i te marama o Poutū-te-rangi 2023.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.