9 Ngā Mea hei Whakamahara i te Wā e Tautohe Ana ki tētahi Tāne Whakahīhī

Ko te whakapehapeha tetahi o ngā āhuatanga tino uaua ki te whakatau, ā, ko te tautohetohe ki tētahi tāne whakapehapeha te wero nui rawa atu mā tana hoa. Ehara i te mea ko te hunga whakapehapeha anake he hunga tukino, he hunga uaua, engari ko tā rātou whakarerekētanga āhua e whakawhirinaki ana ki te tino whakapono ki a rātou anō. He hunga e aro nui ana ki a rātou anō, e whakapono ana rātou kāore rātou e hē. Nā tēnei ka kati rātou ki te whakaaroaro me te whakahē i a rātou anō.

Ko te mea whakamutunga e hiahia ana rātou kia rongo mai i tētahi, ko te mea pea he hē rātou, he kino atu rānei, me āwhina. Ka whakakorea e tēnei te whānuitanga katoa o te whakapai ake i a ia anō mō ​​te tangata whakahihi. Nō reira, ka akiakihia tonutia tōna hoa ki te mahi i ngā whakarerekētanga. Ki te kitea koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga me tētahi e kore e hoki whakamuri i roto i tētahi tautohe, e kore e kite i tō tirohanga, e kore e whakaae, kua tūpono kei te mahi koe me tētahi tangata whakahihi.

Tautoko Ridhi Korekāha (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō ngā marena kore aroha, ngā wehenga, me ētahi atu take whanaungatanga, i kōrero mai ki a mātou mō tēnei take, ā, i tuku mai i ana whakaaro mō te mōhio ki te tangata whakahihi, he aha rātou i pērā ai, me ngā mea hei maumahara ina tautohe koe ki tētahi tāne whakahihi.

Me pēhea te mahi a te hunga whakahihi i roto i te tautohetohe?

Ko te mōhio ki tētahi tangata whakapehapeha, ki ngā whanonga whakapehapeha rānei o tō hoa, te taahiraa tuatahi ki te tiaki i a koe anō. Ridhi e mea ana, "Ko te tangata whakahihi i a ia anō kei roto tonu i te wairua o te whakaaro nui ki a ia anō, ā, e hiahia ana ki te rapu aro me te maioha mai i te hunga e karapoti ana i a ia, me te kore e whakaatu i te aroha ki tetahi atu tangata." Ko te hunga e pāngia ana e te Mate Whaiaro Whakahihi i te nuinga o te wā ka whakaatu i ēnei tohu e whai ake nei:

• Tino whakapehapeha
• Tino tairongo me te whakapehapeha ngoikore
• Whakanuia ā rātou whakatutukitanga
• Te whakaari i a koe anō he rangatira ake i ētahi atu / Te titiro whakahāwea ki ētahi atu he iti iho i a rātou
• Kāore he aroha ki ētahi atu
• Whakaatuhia ngā whanonga whakapatipati

E whakamārama ana a Ridhi ahakoa "he āhua tangata te hiahia whaiaro me te whakapehapeha ki tētahi taumata, he tino piki ake te taumata o te tangata whakahihi i a ia anō". E whakahua ana ia i ētahi rautaki whakatoi whakahihi hei whakangāwari i a koe ki te mārama ki ngā tauira a tō hoa. Ina tautohetohe koe ki tētahi hoa whakahihi, kia tūpato ki ēnei haki whero:

• Te Riri Whakahīhī: E rua ngā huarahi e whakaatu ai te hunga whakahihi i te riri. Tērā pea ka pahū te riri, ka hamama, ka hamama, ka whakaatu rānei i te whanonga tutu. Tērā pea ka huri rātou ki te whanonga puku-whakaeke pērā i te whakamahi i te whakatoi me te pupuri i te riri, te tuku rānei i te wā ki te whakarongo puku.
• Huamata KupuKāore e tika ana ā rātou kōrero. Ka whiua e rātou ētahi kupu me ngā kīanga matapōkere ki a koe. Ka kōrero porowhita rātou, ka kore e mārama ngā rerenga kōrero, hei ngana ki te neke i te pou whāinga.
• gaslightingTērā pea ka whakakahoretia rawatia e rātou ā rātou whanonga. Ka ngana rātou ki te whakatenatena i a koe kāore koe i te mōhio ki tāu e kōrero nei.
• Te whakawhiti whakapae a te tangata whakahihiKa ngana rātou ki te whakahaere i a koe mā te whakaeke i a koe. Tērā pea ka whakamaharatia koe e rātou ki ō hapa o mua, he mea tūturu, he mea hanga rānei, kia waiho ai koe hei tangata kino i roto i te tautohe.
• Te neke i te pou whāinga: Ka whakamahia e rātou tētahi o ngā rautaki o runga ake nei, ētahi atu tikanga rānei, hei tahuri ke i te aro mai i ā rātou whanonga hē. Ina tae koe ki te wāhi i ngana koe ki te whakatutuki, ā, ka tutuki te whāinga, ka nekehia te pou whāinga ki tētahi atu mea.

He tino māmā te kite i ngā rautaki tukino a te hunga whakahihi. Ka taea hoki e koe te tirotiro i tō ake pūnaha urupare kare ā-roto hei aromatawai mēnā ko te tangata e mahi tahi ana koe he tangata whakahihi.

• Kei te hīkoi mārire koe i a rātou?
• Kei te whakapāha tonu koe ki a rātou?
• Kei te mataku koe?
• E whakahengia tonutia ana koe?
• E whakaatu ana koe whanonga iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō?
• Nā ngā pakanga katoa koe i ruarua ai mēnā nāu te he?

Mena kua whakaaro koe, "E pai ana rānei te hunga whakahihi ki ngā pakanga?", kua whakautua e tēnei pātai. Ko tāu whakautu ki ēnei pātai he tohu me ako koe ki te whakahaere i tētahi tāne whakahihi. Kia taea ai e koe te mahi i tēnā, me mārama koe ki te pūtake o tēnei whanonga.

He aha te hunga whakapehapeha e pai ai ki te tautohetohe?

He iti rawa te whakaaro nui o te hunga whakahihi ki a rātou anō, ā, he ngoikore hoki te whakapehapeha. Ka tere tonu te pouri ina kore e whakawhiwhia te hiranga e tumanakohia ana ki a rātou. Nā tēnei ka tae mai tātou ki te pātai nui ake – engari he aha ai? He aha i pai ai te hunga whakahihi ki te tautohetohe? Mā te mārama ki tēnei ka āwhina i a koe ki te titiro matatau ki te tangata, me te mārama ki ngā ngoikoretanga me ngā rautaki tautohetohe a te tangata whakahihi. Mā tēnei ka taea e koe te tango i te mana whakahaere mai i a rātou, me te ako ki te whakautu ki te tāne whakahihi:

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1. Kāore e taea e rātou te whakahaere i ō rātou whanonga whakapehapeha

Kāore rawa te whanonga a te tangata whakahihi i raro i tōna mana whakahaere, ā, mā te wawaotanga a te tohunga hinengaro haumanu raihana anake ka taea te whakahaere. I roto i te tautohetohe, ka whawhai te tangata whakahihi me te kaha kua kukū, me te aro noa ki ōna kare ā-roto o nāianei. Koinei tētahi o ngā mea nui rawa atu. Ngā take e kore ai e taea e te hunga whakahihi te pupuri i ngā whanaungatanga piriponoKāore i a rātou te mea e kiia nei ko te pumau o te mea, ko te pumau rānei o te mea.

Ko te pumau o te mea ko te whakaaro kei te noho tonu tetahi mea ahakoa kāore e kitea, e rongohia rānei e koe. I roto i te whanaketanga maori, ka whiwhi te tangata i tēnei pūkenga. Mai i te tirohanga hinengaro, ko te tikanga o tēnei mō te tangata whakahihi, he rerekē ki ētahi atu tāngata, kāore e taea e rātou te pupuri i ō rātou kare ā-roto pai mō tō rātou whanaungatanga i a rātou e rongo ana i ngā kare ā-roto kino pēnei i te mamae, te riri, te pouri rānei.

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ki te kore e taea e te hunga whakahihi te kite i te aroha i taua wā tonu, ka wareware rātou kei reira te aroha. Ko te tikanga, ko ia pakanga, ko ia whakahē rānei mā rātou he wehenga pea."

2. Ko tō rātou hītori pea te ngoikore o te tangata whakahihi

Tērā pea he hītori tō te tangata whakahihi i ārahi i a ia ki te whakawhanake i ēnei whanonga. Tērā pea ko tā rātou whanonga paitini he hua nō ngā taiao paitini i pā ki a rātou i mua, i te wā pea o tō rātou tamarikitanga i te wā kāore i aro nui ki a rātou. Ka pā te āhua o tō whakatipuranga ki ngā whanaungatanga tino nui.

E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ina noho te tangata i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino i mua, i tipu ake rānei i roto i tētahi taiao kino, ka whanake pea i a ia ngā whanonga whakapehapeha hei tiaki i a ia anō. Ka taea hoki tēnei te tupu ina nui rawa te manaaki, te manaaki, me te tiaki i te tangata." Ina kite koe kei te mahi tahi koe me tētahi tāne whakapehapeha, mā tēnei mōhiotanga koe e āwhina ki te whakahaere pai ake i ngā āhuatanga pōrearea.

3. Ki tā rātou he tika tonu rātou

Ki te tangata whakahihi, ko ia whakahē ka arahi ki te tautohetohe. Nā te mea kāore rātou e hoki whakamuri, e hiahia tonu ana kia riro i a rātou te kupu whakamutunga, ā, kāore e whakaae, ko ia kōrero he poma e tatari ana kia pahū. Ahakoa pēhea, e whakaaro ana rātou he rangatira ake rātou i te hunga katoa e karapoti ana i a rātou, koia rātou e kore ai e piko.

Kāore e taea te noho tahi i waenganui i tētahi tokorua me te kore he pakanga. Ā, ki te kore tētahi o aua tokorua e rite ki te haere ki te ara waenga, ka arahi pea ki ngā wā o te pouri, te pōuri, te tukino, me te tukinotanga mō te hoa rangatira. Engari ki te maumahara koe ki ētahi mea i a koe e tautohetohe ana ki tētahi tāne whakapehapeha, tera pea ka taea e koe te whakaora i a koe anō i te nui o te mamae me te mamae.

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9 Ngā Mea hei Whakamahara i te Wā e Tautohe Ana ki tētahi Tāne Whakahīhī

Nā te mea kua mōhio koe ko wai te tangata whakahihi, ā, kua mārama koe ki ngā āhuatanga e pā ana ki a rātou, ka taea e koe te mahi i ngā mahi tika hei whakautu ki tō hoa kino, hei tiaki i a koe anō i te mamae me ngā whara o te ngākau mō te wā roa. E taunaki ana a Ridhi i ēnei taputapu me ngā tikanga hei tiaki i ō ake kare ā-roto, hei penapena hoki i tō wā me tō kaha ina kōrero ana koe mō te tangata whakahihi i roto i tētahi tautohe:

1. Whakahaerehia ō tumanakohanga, whakatau rānei

E mea ana a Ridhi me mārama koe kei a koe tētahi kōwhiringa. E akiaki ana ia kia whakaae koe kei reira pea kāore tō tāne e huri i tana whanonga kino. "Mēnā kei roto koe i te whanaungatanga nā te mea kei te whakaaro koe ka huri ia, tera pea kei te whakarite koe i a koe anō mō ​​te maha o ngā mamae o te ngākau," tāna tāpiri.

Me rapu āwhina koe ki te ine i te paitini o tō whanaungatanga, me te mea he pai te whakapau kaha katoa ka whakapaua e koe. Nō reira, whakatau. Ki te whakatau koe ki te noho tahi me tētahi tāne whakapehapeha, tera pea ka whai hua ēnei whakaaro ki a koe.

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2. Whakatūria he rohe mārama

He nui te aro o Ridhi ki te hiahia mō ngā rohe mō tō oranga hinengaro. E mea ana ia, "Tērā pea ka hiahia tō tāne ki te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa i roto i te whanaungatanga. Me whakaaro koe ki me pēhea te whakatakoto i ngā rohe kare ā-roto "hei tiaki i tō hauora hinengaro." E tohaina ana hoki e ia ētahi whakaaro motuhake.

"Ka taea e koe te whakamōhio atu ki tō tāne mēnā ka tīmata ia ki te whakakino i a koe, ka mutu te kōrero, ā, ka haere atu koe," tana whakamārama. Ko tētahi atu tauira o te rohe ko te whakarite kia noho ko koe anake me tō whatunga tautoko, hoa, me te whānau. Me te whakatūpato kāore pea tō tāne e pai ki a koe ina noho tahi koe me ō hoa, ka tāpiri atu a Ridhi, "Ka taea e te noho mokemoke te noho hei momo tukino kare ā-roto, ā, he mea nui kia whai pūnaha tautoko kaha koe i roto i tō oranga."

3. Kaua e kī atu he hē ia ina tautohetohe ana koe ki tētahi tāne whakapehapeha

He tino hē te ine matatika a te tangata whakahihi ki te mārama ki te tika me te hē. Nā te mea e whakawhirinaki ana te tuakiri ki te whakanui i a ia anō me te tika, e whakapono ana te tangata whakahihi kei te tika tonu ia. Kāore e kore ka kore he hua o te kī atu he hē ia.

Ina tautohe koe ki tāu tāne whakapehapeha, he rite tonu tāu kī atu ki a ia kei te hē ia. E mea ana a Ridhi, "Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakamarie i te raruraru, kaua e whakaaro ka hinga ia i a koe mā te whakamārama ko wai te he." Engari, me mahi i te mea e whai ake nei i te wāhi e whai ake nei.

4. Mā te aroha ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakaiti i te tautohetohe me te tangata whakahihi

I te mea he pai ake te aro atu ki te hunga whakahihi, he rautaki whai hua te whakamahi i te aroha i te wā e tautohetohe ana ki te tangata whakahihi. E kī ana a Ridhi, "Whakautua te tāne whakahihi mā te kī atu ki a ia e mārama ana koe, e aroha ana hoki ki ōna kare ā-roto. Hei tāpiri, kaua e whakamahi i te "Koe" me te "Au", engari whakamahia te "Mātou". te hurihanga hara he mea noa, engari tera pea ka pai tā rātou urupare mēnā ka whakamahia e koe te reo "tātou".

Ina whakaaro tō tāne whakahihi kei te māramahia ia, tera pea ka mutu tana tiaki mō tētahi wā poto, ā, tera pea ka whai wāhi koe kia whakarongohia. Mā te whakamahi i te aroha i te wā e whakautu ana ki tētahi whakahihi riri ana, ka rerekē rawa atu pea tō wheako.

5. Kaua e riro i te mōunu ina tautohetohe koe ki tētahi tangata whakahihi

"Ina tautohetohe koe ki tētahi tāne whakahihi, me tumanako ka kōrero ia i ngā mea whakaohooho, ngā mea tukino, me ngā mea kino, nā te mea kua whakaritea rātou ki te mahi pēnā," te whakatūpato a Ridhi. Ka taea e tēnei whakaohooho te mahi kaha, te mahi kore mahi rānei, hei tauira, ki te kore rātou e whakarongo puku ki a koe, kaua e mataku ki te whakautu. Ki te uru koe ki tētahi tautohetohe me te mōhio ki ngā mea ka pā ki a koe, ka iti ake tō urupare, ā, ka nui ake tō mana whakahaere.

He pono, ka āwhina tēnei i a koe ki te tiaki i ō ake kare ā-roto me te noho marino, engari ka puta hoki te whakaaro ki tō tāne whakahihi kāore koe i te pouri. Mā tēnei ka kore ia e uru atu ki te karanga ingoa kino nā te mea kāore e pai, ka kore rānei ia e rongo i te aroha mai i a koe. Ahakoa pēhea, ka āwhina i te whakamarie i ōna io pōrearea, ā, ka hoatu he wā ki a koe ki te puta atu i te tautohetohe.

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6. Kia tūpato ki ngā rautaki tautohetohe a te tangata whakahihi

E pai ana rānei ki te hunga whakahihi te ngākau ki ngā pakanga? Ae rā. He pūkenga te hunga whakahihi ki te whakamahi i ngā tikanga hei toa i ngā tautohetohe me te whiwhi i tā rātou e hiahia ana. Tērā pea he mahi koretake tēnei nā te mea kua whakaritea rātou ki te mahi hei tiaki i a rātou anō me te kore e aroha ki ētahi atu. Tērā pea he nui tō aroha ki tō tāne, engari he mea nui kia wehe atu koe i te whanaungatanga mō tētahi meneti, kia kite i a ia hei kaupapa.

Mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te mōhio ki ngā rautaki e whakamahia ana e rātou hei hopu i a koe, tae atu ki te aukati i a koe anō, te whakamārama hau, te whakapohehe, te whakahaere kare ā-roto, te riri whakahihi, te whakaatu, me te pupuhi aroha. Ka taea e te tangata whakahihi i roto i te tautohetohe te whakamahi i tētahi o ēnei, ki te kore katoa, hei painga mōna. Whakapaua he wā ki te ako i a rātou kia taea ai e koe te mōhio ki a rātou. Hei tauira, he mōhiotanga ki ngā mea noa ngā kīanga whakakā hau tērā pea ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i te āhuatanga me te tango i te mana mai i te tangata whakapehapeha.

7. Whakaritea he whakautu aunoa i mua i te tautohe

Ki te mea kua whakatau koe ki te noho tahi me tētahi hoa whakahihi, me rite koe ki te aro atu ki ngā mea katoa ka whiua mai e rātou ki a koe. Mēnā ka rite koe, ka nui ake tō mana ki runga i tō ake urupare. He rautaki whai hua, he rautaki āwhina hoki te urupare aunoa ki ā rātou pahūtanga matapae. Pēnei, i te wā e mahi tahi ana koe me tētahi tāne whakahihi, ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te wehe mārire atu i te tautohetohe.

Ehara i te mea ka āwhina noa tēnei ki te tango i te mana mai i te tangata whakapehapeha engari ka āwhina hoki ki te tuku i ētahi o ōu pouri kia kore ai koe e kohi moni. te mauahara i roto i te marena. He mea pēnei i te: "E kite ana ahau kei te pouri koe. Ki taku whakaaro e mārama ana ahau ki ō kare ā-roto. Engari he mamae hoki tō riri ki ahau. Me tiaki ahau i ahau anō, nō reira ka haere atu ahau ināianei tonu. Ka taea e tāua te kōrero tahi mō tēnei mea ina marino koe, ā, ka taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō whakaaro i runga i te pai."

8. Kaua e ruarua i a koe anō

Ka tupu te hunga whakahihi i runga i ngā ngākau aroha o ētahi atu. Ko tō atawhai, tō manawanui, me tō āhua aroha ngā mea e whakawhirinaki ai rātou ki a koe mō tā rātou hiahia kia whakanuia, kia maioha, kia arohaina hoki. Ehara tēnei i te kī kāore koe e hiahia kia whakanuia, kia arohaina rātou, engari kia tūpato kei ngaro tō mana whakahaere i tō tirohanga ki ō ake kare ā-roto.

I a koe e tautohetohe ana ki tētahi hoa tinihanga, kaua e whakapono ina kiia koe he "tino tairongo" he "tino kare ā-roto" he hiahia nui rānei, he hiahia whaiaro rānei mō te aro ki ō hiahia. Kia tūpato ki ngā kupu kino rite tonu e kōrerohia ana e te hunga whakapehapeha i roto i tētahi tautohetohe. Kaua e tukua koe kia tinihangatia, kia whakatenatenahia rānei kia ruarua koe i ō kare ā-roto.

9. Kōwhiria ō pakanga

Whakaarohia tēnei: ​​He pai te tautohetohe tonu ki tētahi tangata whakahihi? Mēnā kei te noho tahi koe me tētahi tāne whakahihi, tera pea ka pērā koe kua ngenge te ngakau ahakoa pēhea. Ki te kore te hoa e hoki whakamuri, e whakaae rānei i te wā e tautohetohe ana, he mārama ka arahi tēnei ki ngā tautohetohe maha i waenganui i a kōrua.

Ko tētahi huarahi hei tiaki i a koe ko te whiriwhiri ko ēhea pakanga hei wareware, ko ēhea hoki hei whawhai. Ehara i te mea uaua te tautohetohe ki tētahi tāne whakahihi. Nō reira, akohia te mōhio ki ēhea tautohetohe kāore e tika ana, kāore hoki e whai kiko, ā, penapenahia tō kaha me ō kare ā-roto mō ngā mea e nui ake ana ki a koe me tō whanaungatanga. Ina mahi tahi koe me tētahi tangata whakahihi, whakamahia tēnei kōwhiringa hei tiaki i a koe anō.

Ehara i te mea ngāwari te ako ki te whakatau i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei. Engari mā tēnei koe e āwhina ki te mārama ki te whakaaro o tō hoa rangatira whakahihi me te take e whawhai ai ia pērā. Ka taea te tiaki i a koe i te riri o te tangata whakahihi mā te whakarite i a koe ki ngā mōhiotanga me ngā taputapu tika hei āwhina i a koe ki te tango i te mana whakahaere mai i te tangata whakahihi.

Kia mahara ki: Ko te nuinga o ēnei kōrero e aro ana ki te whakatikatika ki ngā hiahia o te tangata whakahihi. Ahakoa te āhua kāore i te tika, ko tēnei tohutohu he mea mō te tangata kua whakatau ki te mahi i ēnei whakatikatika mō ngā take e mōhiotia ana e rātou. Hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau pēnei, kāore he rite o ngā tohutohu whaiaro a te kaitohutohu. E tino taunaki ana a Ridhi i te rongoā mēnā he wahine whakahihi tāu e moe ana.

E mea ana ia, "Mēnā kua pāngia koe e te tukino whakahihi, tera pea ka uaua ki a koe te mōhio kāore e whakaaetia ngā whanonga e puta ana i roto i tō marena. Tērā pea ka kitea koe e hurihuri ana i waenga i te whakaaro mēnā he raruraru, mēnā rānei kei te hanga noa koe i tētahi mea nui mai i te kore noa iho." Mēnā kei te rapu āwhina koe, he tohunga, he ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro mātau i te rōpū a Bonobology kei konei mo koe.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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