He manaakitanga te marena ki te tāne e arohaina ana e koe. Engari, me pēhea mēnā ko te mea i whakaarohia e koe he tohu e aroha ana ia ki a koe, ka huri hei mea nui atu? I ngā wāhanga tuatahi o te whanaungatanga, he mea ātaahua tana hiahia tonu ki te waea atu ki a koe, ki te tirotiro i tō wāhi noho, ki te whai i a koe, me ērā atu mea. Heoi, kia tūpato, tera pea he taha kē atu – tera pea kei te noho tahi kōrua me tētahi tāne e kore e māia.
Ahakoa ngā whanaungatanga tino ataahua, tino aroha hoki, ka taea e te koretake te uru atu ki roto. Engari, ki te whiti i te rohe, ka whakamomori. He mea whakamīharo, ehara i te mea kāore tō tāne e aroha ana ki a koe. Engari, tera pea ka nui atu tōna aroha ki a koe i tō aroha ki a ia. Engari, he maha ngā kare ā-roto kino ka mau i te tāne koretake, hae hoki. Nō reira, ka tino paitini tō whanaungatanga, ka arahi atu ki te tāne koretake e whakangaro i tō mārenatanga. "He aha te take e koretake ai taku tāne, e hae ai?" "Me pēhea te mahi ki tētahi hoa koretake?" "He koretake taku tāne. Ka ngaro rānei tā māua marena i ōna koretake?"
Ka taea e ēnei pātai te noho hei āhuatanga matua o tō marena ina mahi tahi kōrua me tētahi hoa rangatira e kore e māia. Ahakoa te āhua pouri o te āhuatanga, kāore i ngaro katoa te tumanako. Kei konei mātou hei āwhina i a koe ki te huarahi tika ki te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa rangatira e kore e māia, engari i mua i tēnā, me titiro tātou ki ētahi tohu noa o te kore māia o te tāne kia mārama ake ai koe ki āna whanonga, me ngā tirohanga mai i te tohunga hinengaro a Juhi Pandey Mishra (MA Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakaipoipo, ki te tohutohu i mua i te marena me te wehenga.
He aha ngā tohu o te māharahara o te tāne?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ahakoa ko te koretake o te māia tetahi o ngā take mō ngā whanonga tukino i roto i te whanaungatanga , kāore pea te tāne koretake e tino tutu, e tino kino rānei, i te tīmatanga. Heoi, ki te kore e tiakina, ka taea e te whanonga koretake o te tāne te huri haere i te wā. Ko te pātai, me pēhea te whakatau āhea me aro nui ki ngā āhuatanga o te tāne koretake?
E kī ana a Juhi , "Ahakoa ehara i te mea onge te kite i te koretake o te māia o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki tētahi taumata, he take hei āwangawanga ina tīmata te whanonga koretake ki te whakawehi i te pūtake o tētahi whanaungatanga. Ka puta tēnei ina tīmata ō koretake ki te whakahaere i ia mahi a tō hoa, ā, ko ō rātou ake whakaaro ka whakaoho i te mataku, ka hua ake he tauhohenga kāore i te ōrite ki te āhuatanga kei mua."
Engari i mua i te taenga mai o ngā mea ki tēnei taumata, ka kitea ngā tohu ngawari o te whanonga āwangawanga a te tāne, ki te aro koe. Me tūpato koe, me te aukati wawe tonu i tēnei āhuatanga ki te kore koe e hiahia kia pakaru te marena e te tāne āwangawanga. Kia tūpato mēnā…
1. He nui rawa āna pātai ki a koe
Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga tino nui o te tāne pōuri ko tana āhua ki te pātai i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe. Tērā pea ka ara ake tētahi pātai ki tētahi atu pātai nā te mea kāore ia i te tino makona ki tētahi whakamārama. E whakaae ana a Anna, kua wehe kē i tana tāne, he kitea tonu tēnei tauira i roto i tana whanonga engari kāore ia i aro atu ki tēnā tae noa ki te tīmatanga o te koretake o ngā mea.
Mai i te wā i whakaipoipo ai rāua, he maha rawa ngā pātai a tana tāne o mua, a Jonathan, mō tōna rā, mō ngā wāhi i haere ai rāua, ko wai rāua i tūtaki ai, me ērā atu mea. I muri mai, i roto i tā rāua marena, i hua ake ai he maha ngā raruraru whakawhirinaki , ā, i whakapae tonu ia i a ia mō te tinihanga, ā, i wehea ai rāua. I te taenga mai o te whakaaro o te tāne māharahara e whakangaro ana i te marena, kua puta kē te kino, ā, kāore i taea e rāua te whakahaere i tā rāua whanaungatanga kia angitu.
2. Ka whakapōrearea koe e ia
Kāore te tāne māharahara e akiaki i a koe kia puta i tō rohe whakamarie, kia ngana rānei ki te whakatutuki i tētahi mea teitei ake. Ā, kaua rawa e tukua kia pērā te pai ake o āu mahi i a ia, pērā i te whiwhi whakatairanga, te pikinga utu rānei! Ki te ngana ia ki te whakaiti i a koe, engari kaua e whakahīhī ki ō whakatutukitanga, kāore e kore kei te mahi koe me te tāne māharahara.
Nā ōna āwangawanga huna hoki ka puta tōna hae, ā, koinei pea te take kāore pea ia e kitea he wāhi pai hei harikoa māu. He pono, ehara i te mea pai te kite i te "āwangawanga o taku tāne mō aku whakatutukitanga". Ka kitea nuitia te kore e taea e tō hoa rangatira te tautoko i a koe, ka uaua ake māu te tuku i tō kaha katoa ki te whanaungatanga. Ā tōna wā, ka taea e tēnei te whakakore i tō hononga.
3. Me whai tonu ia i te whakamanawa mai i a koe
Ki te noho tahi koe me tētahi tāne e māharahara ana, me tumanako koe ka whakapuaki ia i tōna kore whakapono ki a koe. Ka mangere ia ki te whakarērea koe; ehara i te mea he āwangawanga engari he wehi kei whakarērea ia e koe. Me whakamanawa tonu koe ki a ia e aroha ana koe ki a ia, kei konei koe mōna, ā, e kore e whakarērea ia ahakoa pēhea.
Ka huri te wāhi whaiaro i roto i te whanaungatanga hei ariā tauhou ina kore e māia tō hoa rangatira. Tērā pea ka waiho koe kia whakaaro, 'He aha te take e kore ai taku tāne e māia? He aha taku mahi he? Me pēhea taku whakapumau ki a ia kāore au e haere ki hea? Ka taea e te kore māia o te whanaungatanga te whakapōrearea i tō hononga, kaua ki te hononga ora e tika ana.
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4. Ka whakahaere ia i a koe
Ka ngana tonu te tāne e hiahia ana, e pōuri ana, ki te whakahaere i a koe i tētahi ara, i tētahi ara rānei. Ka hiahia ia ki te mōhio ko wai tāu e tūtaki ai, ko hea koe e noho ana, he aha tāu e mahi ana, me ērā atu mea. Tērā pea ka kitea koe e mahi ana me te tāne whakahaere e kimi ana i te whakamarie mā te aroturuki i ō nekehanga katoa. Mēnā ka pōuri ia mō āu mahi, ka ngana pea ia ki te mea kia pērā anō ōu whakaaro. Ina meinga koe e tō tāne kia pōuri, he tohu tawhito tēnā kei te tukuna e ia ōna ake pōuri ki a koe.
5. Kāore ia e whakaute i tō tūmataitinga
Ahakoa te piripono o kōrua, he rohe anō kei roto i tētahi hononga piripono. Engari ko te tāne e kore e māia ana, kāore ia e whakapono ki ngā mea ataahua pērā i te kore tirotiro i tō waea pūkoro, te kore whai i a koe i runga i ngā pāpāho pāpori, te kore tirotiro rānei i ō mea tūmataiti. Nā te mea kei roto tonu i a ia te wehi kei whakarērea ia e koe, kei whara ia, kei whakapōrearea ia, kāore e taea e ia te whawhai ki te hiahia ki te tirotiro i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō oranga.
Kāore e kore ka pakaru te reinga mēnā ka kitea e ia kei te huna e koe tetahi mea i a ia, ahakoa he iti, he koretake rānei. Ko te nuinga o tō wā me tō kaha ka pau ki te rapu huarahi hei whakatakoto rohe me te tāne pōuri engari kāore e angitu. Ko ngā ngana katoa a koe ki te whakatakoto rohe me te tono mō te wāhi whaiaro ka tūtaki ki te ātete i roto i te ahua o ngā pakanga, ngā tautohetohe, me ngā whakapae.
Me pēhea te tautoko i tāu tāne e māharahara ana?
"He aha te take e pōuri ai taku tāne?" Tērā pea kei te akiaki koe i tēnei whakaaro ki te riri, engari e aroha ana koe ki a ia, ā, kāore koe e hiahia ki te ngaro i ngā mea kei a koe nā te whanonga pōuri o tana tāne. Nā, me aha koe? Āe, tera pea ka āwhina i a koe me tō marena mā te panoni tirohanga.
Engari kaua e ngaro tō ngākau marino i te mea, "He aha te take e pōuri ai taku tāne, e hae ai hoki?", ngana ki te arotahi ki te kimi me pēhea te āwhina i tētahi hoa pōuri. Ko te tautoko, ko te āwhina i a ia ki te wikitoria i ngā kare ā-roto o te pōuri, me te kore e whāngai i ana whanonga kino. Anei ētahi huarahi pakari hei tautoko i tāu tāne pōuri:
1. Mātakihia ngā tauira o āna whanonga
Ina noho koe me te tāne e māharahara ana, kia kaha ki te kite i ana tauira, i ana mea rānei e whakaoho ana i a ia. He aha ngā momo āhuatanga e puta ai te māharahara? Ka māharahara ētahi tāne ina kite rātou i ā rātou wāhine me ētahi atu tāne. He mea noa hoki te kite i te tāne e māharahara ana mō te angitu o tana wahine i a ia. Ko ētahi atu he raruraru pea ki ngā āhuatanga pēnei i te pūtea, te mātua rānei.
Me tautuhi koe i ngā take o tōna āwangawanga me ngā mea e pā ana ki a ia. He aha tonu ngā mea e pā ana ki tō tāne, ā, he rite tonu ngā take i ia wā? Kia kitea e koe te tauira, ka taea e koe te mārama ake ki tōna hinengaro me ngā mea e pā ana ki a ia, ā, ka āwhina i a koe ki te rapu otinga.
"Tērā pea kei te tauhohe ia ki tētahi mea i mahia e koe, i kōrerotia rānei e koe, engari kia mōhio koe kei roto tonu i te tangata ngā mea e whakaoho ana i te āwangawanga me ngā take o te āwangawanga. Ko ngā āhuatanga o waho e whakaatu noa ana i aua mea, nō reira, ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina i ahau ki te wikitoria i ōna āwangawanga, me rapu e koe ēnei take," te kī a Juhi.
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2. Āwhina i a ia ki te whakawhiti i ōna manukanuka ki tētahi mea whai hua
Ko te koretake, te manukanuka, te hae, me te pouri kei roto katoa i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te whānuitanga o tētahi whanaungatanga kino . Ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina i tō tāne e koretake ana, tera pea ka taea e koe te ngana ki te whakauru mai i ētahi whakaaro pai ki roto i tana tirohanga ki te ao. Me ārahi i a ia ki te whakamahi i ōna kaha ki tētahi mea whai hua.
Whakakorikori tinana ngātahi. Ngāna kia nui ake ngā haerenga me ētahi atu mahi ngahau. Ka āwhina hoki ngā whakakorikori tinana auau ki te whakaiti i te pouri, kia taea ai e ēnei mahi iti te huri i tōna āhua i roto i tētahi wā. He huarahi pai te haumi ki te tiaki i a koe anō ki te whawhai ki ngā āwangawanga, nā te mea ka pai ake tō whakaaro ki a koe anō mēnā ka huri pai tō āhua noho. Ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina i tō tāne e riri ana, e āwangawanga ana, āwhina ia kia pai ake tōna āhua.
3. Rapua he āwhina a te kaitohutohu
Mena kei te whakararuraru tōna koretake i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, kua tae ki te wā ki te mahi, ina koa kāore koe e hiahia ki te whakarērea ia. Tērā pea kei te hiahia koe ki te whakaora i tō kōrua marena, engari i te wa ano, kāore pea i a koe te pūkenga e tika ana mō te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa koretake me te kore e tukua kia pā kino ki tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ki tō hauora hinengaro rānei.
I taua wā, he pai ake te whakatenatena i a ia ki te rapu awhina i tētahi kaiārahi mēnā he hōhonu ōna āwangawanga. Kāore he take ki te kī, me whakaae ia he take āna e tika ana kia mahihia. Mā te rapu i te rongoā mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, i te rongoā whanaungatanga rānei, ka taea te āwhina i te tango i te pūtake o ngā raruraru, me te hanga i tētahi turanga hou mō tētahi whanaungatanga haumaru. Ki te rapu āwhina koe, kei konei ngā kaiwhakaora whai raihana me ngā tohunga i te pane l a Bonobology hei āwhina i a koe.
Koinei te huarahi hauora rawa atu hei ārai i te tāne pōuri kei pakaru te marena. Kaua e ngana ki te whakatika i ana raruraru mēnā kei te whakararuraru i a koe, ā, kei te pā kino ki te marena. Me hiahia kōrua ko tō tāne kia angitu te marena.
Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tāne e māharahara ana, me pēhea hoki te āwhina i a ia?
Kāore e hiahiatia kia arahina ki ngā kōti whakarere ngā āhuatanga katoa o te koretake o te māia. Ehara i te mea ko ngā tohu katoa o te koretake o te māia o te tāne e tohu ana kua hinga tō kōrua hononga. Ki te mea he hoa koretake tō kōrua, ko te nui me te nui o te whanaungatanga te mea nui. Inaa, he roa te ara i mua i te taenga atu ki te tāne koretake e whakangaro ana i te marena. Ko te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i te hoa koretake ko te kaua e tukua te āhuatanga kia piki haere ki te wāhi ka huri ai ōna koretake ki te kino, ka tīmata ki te whara i a koe.
Mena kāore tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira e pōuri ana i te kino, i te tukino rānei, ka taea te whakatau mā te ngākau māhaki me te mārama. Ae, ehara i te mea ngāwari te noho tahi me te tāne pōuri engari ki te tino aroha koe ki a ia, he huarahi hei āwhina i a ia – KI te whakaaro koe he pai te utu. Nō reira,
1. Tirohia ō ake whanonga
Ko te haerenga o te mahi tahi me tētahi hoa tauhou ka tīmata mā te whakaaroaro. Hoki whakamuri, ka tātari i tō ake waiaro. Me aromatawai koe mēnā kei te whai wāhi koe ki ngā tohu tauhou o te tāne, i runga i te mōhio, i te kore mōhio rānei. Kei te tāpiri atu koe, mā ō kōrero me tō whanonga, ki ōna kare ā-roto kino? Kei te whakaiti ia i a ia ina noho tahi ia me koe? Kei te kaha koe ki te whakahaere me te whakahau i ngā tikanga?
I ētahi wā, ko ngā mahi iti, ngā kōrero me ngā nekehanga, kāore pea koe e whakaaro he mea nui, ka pā ki tōna whakaaro nui ki a ia anō, ā, ka whakanui ake i ngā āhuatanga huna o te tāne pōuri. Kāore he kino o te whakatikatika i a koe anō mēnā ka arahi tēnei ki te whakapakari i tō ake marena. Kia maumahara pea he iti te whakaaro nui o tō hoa pōuri ki a ia anō, ā, me whakatika e koe.
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2. Kia mōhio ki ngā raruraru o tō tāne e māharahara ana
He rerekē ngā momo āwangawanga i roto i te whanaungatanga , ā, he rerekē ngā pānga ki te hononga o te tokorua. I mua i te whakapae i a ia he hoa rangatira āwangawanga, ngana ki te titiro ki te pūtake o ōna āwangawanga. He whanaungatanga kino āna i mua? I pāngia ia e ngā raruraru o te tamarikitanga pērā i te whai mātua kino e puta mai ana i roto i ngā whanonga āwangawanga? He raruraru whakapehapeha iti noa iho rānei ēnei?
"E pā ana te āwangawanga ki ngā wheako mamae o mua, he maha ngā wā e pā ana ki te tamarikitanga o te tangata. Mena kua tipu ake ia me te kore e arohaina, e warewarehia rānei e ōna mātua, e ōna kaitiaki matua rānei, mena rānei kua tinihangatia ia e tōna hoa o mua, ka arahi tonu tēnei taumahatanga kare ā-roto ki te whanonga āwangawanga. Koia te take me aro wawe atu ki tēnei mea," te kī a Juhi.
Ki te mōhio koe ki te pūtake o ana raruraru – ahakoa he iti, he nui rānei – ka māmā ake te mahi ki te whakatau i aua raruraru. Tērā pea ka taea e kōrua te mahi tahi me te rapu āwhina ngaio.
3. Tautokohia ia i ngā wā uaua
Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te āwhina i tētahi hoa māharahara, kia mōhio koe ko tō tautoko me tō aroha ka taea te noho hei hoa nui mōu i tēnei pakanga ki ōna māharahara huna. Me whai whakatenatena, me whakatenatena hoki ētahi tāngata i tā rātou hoa. Mā ētahi kupu tautoko torutoru, inā koa i te wā e pouri ana rātou, ka taea e rātou te whakamarie me te whakamarie i ō rātou mataku.
I te āhua o te ōhanga, he mea noa ngā taumahatanga pūtea me ngā taumahatanga mahi. I ēnei wā, ngana kia noho hei pou tautoko i tāu tāne. Ki te whakahawea koe ki a ia, ki te tino whakahē rānei i a ia, tera pea ka nui te āwangawanga. Ko tētahi huarahi hei akiaki i tāu tāne riri, āwangawanga kia pehi i ōna āhuatanga kino ko te noho hei pou kaha me te tautoko i a ia. Tērā pea ka tino taumaha i te tīmatanga, engari i a ia e tīmata ana ki te whakaatu i ngā tohu o te whakapai ake, ka mōhio koe he pai te whakapau kaha.
4. Whakamihi pono ki a ia
E aroha ana tātou katoa kia whakamanahia e te hapori, engari ko te mea nui, inā koa mō te tangata whānau, ko te whakamanahia e tana hoa rangatira. Whakaaturia e koe te aroha pono ki ana whakatutukitanga. Akohia te mihi nui me te pono ki a ia. Ehara tēnei i te mea hei whāngai i tōna whakapehapeha engari hei āwhina i a ia kia hinga i te ruarua ki a ia anō.
I kite a Monica, he kaimahi peeke haumi, i te mutunga o tana whakaaro mō ngā raruraru nui o tā rāua marena. "He māharahara taku tāne, ā, ki taku whakaaro kāore e taea e ia te whakahaere i taku angitu ngaio. Ki taku whakaaro ko ōna māharahara te mea e whakangaro ai i tā māua marena," tana kī atu ki tōna tuahine. Ka whakahoki tōna tuahine, "Ka taea e ia te whakangaro i tō māua marena mēnā ka tukua e koe. Kua whakaarohia e koe tērā pea kei te whāngai koe i ōna māharahara i tētahi ara, ahakoa kāore i te mōhio?"
"Ki te hiahia koe kia angitu tō marena, me whakaatu e koe ki a ia ahakoa ō angitu katoa, ko ia te tangata e hiahia ana koe kia noho tahi kōrua. Ka nui ake te painga o tōna whakaaro ki a ia anō." Ā, he tika rawa te kōrero a te tuahine o Monica. Ko te kore whakapono ki a ia anō tētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui o te tāne koretake, nō reira ka taea e koe te āwhina i a ia mēnā e hiahia ana ia ki te whakapakari i tōna wairua. E tika ana kia pērā tātou katoa, tika?
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5. KAUA e whāngai i tōna āwangawanga
Anei te mea nui. Ahakoa ka taea e koe te whakapau kaha ki te whakamarie i tētahi tāne e māharahara ana, me whakatakoto hoki e koe te rohe. "Ka taea e au te āwhina i taku tāne māharahara mena ka tautokohia ia e au me te kore here," he whakaaro tēnei a te tini o ngā wāhine. Heoi, ko te tautoko me te aroha ehara i te mea me whakamanawanui koe ki ngā riri katoa.
Ki te wātea koe i a ia e hiahia ana, ki te patu tonu koe i ō hiahia hei mahi māna, ā, ki te huna koe i ngā kōrero iti nā te mea kāore koe e hiahia kia whakapataritari i a ia, kāore koe e āwhina ana i a ia. Kei te whakapakari noa koe i ana whanonga! Koia te mea nui kia mōhio koe ki te whakatakoto rohe me te tāne pōuri kia kore ai koe e whakatenatena i ana whanonga raruraru.
Ki te meinga koe e tō tāne kia pōuri, kia pai ake ai tō whakaaro mōna ake, kia whakaititia ai koe i tētahi ara, kia whakapae noa rānei i a koe mō ētahi mea, tū atu ki a ia, ka kī atu ki a ia me te mārama kāore he take. Kia oti tēnā, hoki whakamuri, kaua e uru ki tētahi kōrero e whakaata ana i ana whanonga pōuri.
6. Tukua ia kia tango i te he
Ko te mea nui ki te whakatau i te whanonga a te tāne e pōuri ana, ko te tautuhi me te whakamutu i te whanonga i te tīmatanga i mua i te puta o ngā mea ki waho. Ki te mea kāore koe i tinihanga, i teka rānei ki a ia, i whakapohehe rānei i a ia i tētahi ara, kaua e whakama. Nō reira, ki te kore ia e pai ki a koe kia noho roa i waho i te pō, kia piri rawa rānei ki ō hoa mahi tāne, me whakamōhio wawe atu ki a ia e mōhio ana koe ki te whakahaere i a koe anō me tētahi āhuatanga.
Me whakaatu ki a ia ana whanonga whakahāwea kia taea ai e ia te whakatika i a ia anō. Ina whakaaturia e ia ōna āwangawanga ki a koe, kaua e mimiti, e whakauru rānei ki roto i aua āwangawanga. I taua wā anō, kaua e whakapāha mō te mahi i tētahi mea e mōhio ana koe ko te mea tika hei mahi. Ahakoa he tikanga tēnei kia aro atu koe ki te riri pukuriri a tō hoa rangatira āwangawanga. Ko te mōhio ki te whakatakoto rohe ki tētahi tāne āwangawanga te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga e pā ana ki a koe. Kāore e taea e mātou te whakanui rawa atu.
7. Kia tū hei tangata tūturu koe
He maha ngā wāhine e ngana ana ki te whakaiti i ō rātou ake māramatanga hei whakamārama i te aro o ā rātou hoa, engari i roto i tēnei mahi, ka mutu ka whakapōuritia rātou e rātou anō. Nō reira, ki te mea i pai koe ki te hararei me ō hoa wahine, engari i whakahē tō tāne māharahara ki tēnā, kaua e mutu te haere. Ki te mea rānei he pai ki a koe te kite i a koe anō i roto i tētahi kākahu motuhake, kaua e huna ki muri o tō rūma kakahu nā te mea kāore tō hoa māharahara e whakaae ki tēnā.
He pono, he patunga tapu me ngā whakarerekētanga e hiahiatia ana i roto i ia marena, engari ina tae mai ki te whakaute i a koe anō, kaua e whakaaetia. Kaua e waiho hei mahi whakakeke engari me mahi i tāu i pai ai ki te mahi. I ētahi wā, ina mau tonu koe ki tō āhua tūturu, ka akiakihia ia ki te hoki whakamuri.
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8. Kia kaha ake te kōrero ki tāu tāne e māharahara ana
Ko tētahi o ngā āhuatanga nui o te tāne pōuri, he tere tana whakatau, he whakapae rānei. Hei tauira, ki te kite ia i a koe me tētahi tāne, kaua e whakamārama tika atu, tera pea ka tukua e ia tōna whakaaro kia rere noa, ka whakaaro kei te tinihanga koe i a ia. He mārama kei te raru ia i te whakawhirinaki, ā, kei te tuku atu i ana wehi nui ki a koe.
Nō reira, he pai ake te pupuri i tētahi ara whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tino māmā ki a ia mai i te tīmatanga. Kaua e huna i a ia; kia mārama ki ō mahi. Kei a ia te tikanga mōna. Ko te wikitoria i ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ka nui ake te hiranga i roto i ēnei whanaungatanga hei ārai i te tūponotanga ka pakaru te marena i te koretake o te tāne.
9. Kaua e whakaititia
Ahakoa kei te tino whakapono koe ko ngā āwangawanga o tō tāne i ahu mai i ngā take iti, kaua e whakaititia. Pērā i a koe e kore e tukua kia huri ngā whanonga āwangawanga katoa hei tautohe, me whakapau kaha koe kia kaua e kata mō ōna manukanuka me ōna mataku.
"Tērā pea koe e whakaaro ana mā te kata mō tōna āhua pupuri ka whakaiti i te kino o te take, engari ki a ia, he rite ki te whakakorekore i ōna kare ā-roto, ā, ka nui ake te whakanui ake i ngā tohu o te koretake o te māia o te tāne," te kī a Juhi. Ki te mea ka aro noa koe ki tana whanonga koretake i ngā wā katoa, ka wareware rānei koe me te mea kāore he take, ka puta pea te riri ki roto i tō kōrua marena.
Ae, ki te nui rawa ōna āwangawanga, he mea nui kia kaua e whakaititia te take. Kia tino mohio kei te kata koe ki a ia i tētahi wā. Ko te rapu huarahi hei whakatau i tētahi hoa āwangawanga ka nui ake te uaua mena kei te whakaitihia ia e koe.
10. Kati te whakataurite
Tērā pea ka whakataurite te tāne māharahara i a ia anō ki ētahi atu – ki te taha whaiaro me te taha mahi. Nā tēnei pea ka pouri koe nā te mea, "He aha te āhua māharahara o taku tāne, me te hae hoki?" Ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina i a ia, āraia ia i te ara tika ina tīmata ia i ngā whakataurite koretake, koretake rānei. Me whakamōhio ia ina anga atu ia ki taua huarahi.
I te wā e mahi tahi ana koe me tētahi hoa māharahara, ngana kia nui ake tōna aroha ki a ia anō . He mea nui tēnei nā te mea ko te kore aroha ki a ia anō tētahi o ngā pūtake o te kore whakaaro ki a ia anō. Hei tāpiri, kia tūpato kei whakataurite noa koe i a ia ki ōna hoa, ki ōna hoa rānei, ā, ka tohu he pai ake rātou i a ia.
11. Whakarongo ki ana raruraru
Haunga te whakapuaki i ō hiahia, me whakarongo hoki koe ki te ngākau aroha. Ki te mōhio ia ki ōna āwangawanga, ā, ka whakapuakina mai e ia ki a koe, me whakaatu e koe ki a ia kei te mārama koe ki a ia. Kaua e whakanui i ōna kare ā-roto kino. I taua wā anō, kaua e whakaurua te pānga o tana tirohanga ki a ia anō me ana whanonga ki a koe me te whanaungatanga, me te whakaū anō hoki i tō aroha ki a ia.
Ahakoa te kī, "Kāore pea koe e rongo i tēnā, engari ki taku whakaaro he tino mīharo koe, ā, kei tō taha ahau" ka pā mai he pānga pai. Nō reira, kaua e tukua ngā whakaaro pēnei i te "he aha te take e pōuri ai taku tāne, e hae ai hoki" me te "he pōuri taku tāne, ā, kei te pā kino ki tā māua marena", ngana ki te whakahaere i te āhuatanga me te aroha me te ngākau aroha. I taua wā anō, kia mārama koe kāore koe i whakangungua, i rite rānei ki te āwhina i tētahi ki te whakatau i ō rātou pōuri, nō reira kaua e amo i taua kawenga.
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12. Whakatutukihia ngā hiahia o tō whanaungatanga
"He aha te take e pōuri ai taku tāne?" Ki te mea he maha āu pātai i tēnei, kia aro mai. Ka nui haere te pōuri o te tangata ina kore e tutukihia ōna hiahia. Ina uru hōhonu koe ki tētahi whanaungatanga, tirohia mēnā kei te whakatutukihia e kōrua ngā hiahia o tētahi ki tētahi. Kei te kawea mai e koe ki te tēpu ngā mea e tumanakohia ana e tō tāne kia mahia e koe? Kei te whakatutukihia ō hiahia kare ā-roto e tō tāne?
Ina he āputa nui i roto i taua āhuatanga, ko te wā tēnā ka puta ake ai ngā take iti, ka puta ai te koretake o te whanaungatanga. I roto i tō marena, kia arotahi tonu ki ngā whāinga whānui o te whanaungatanga me tō kōrua oranga tahi. Kia tīmata koe ki te whakarite i ngā mea nui mō tō marena, ka māmā ake te whakatau i te huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi me tētahi hoa koretake.
13. Hoatu he wā ki a ia kia whakahokia mai ai tōna ora
He nui ngā āhuatanga o roto e pā ana ki te hunga e kore e māia. He maha tonu ō rātou manukanuka me te ruarua i a rātou anō. Heoi anō, ka taea e koe te āwhina i a ia mā te kōrero tuwhera me te hanga whakawhirinaki ki te whanaungatanga, engari tera anō ētahi wā me waiho ia e koe anake.
E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai i mua, kaua e waiho āna raruraru māu. Tukua ia kia whakatau i ēnā; hoatu he wā ki a ia kia mahi i tēnā, kaua e akiaki i a ia kia kōrero. I ētahi wā, mā te wā poto nei pea ka āwhina i a ia ki te whakaaro anō i ana whanonga ki a koe. Tukua ia kia hoki mai.
14. Waiho atu ia
Koinei te huarahi whakamutunga. Ka tino kino te noho tahi me te tāne e māharahara ana i te wā roa mena kāore e whakatikahia ngā whanonga raruraru. Me whakapau kaha koe ki te whakatika, engari kāore e taea te āwhina i ētahi tāne.
Ka tino kino rawa atu ina tīmata te tāne māharahara ki te whakapae i tana wahine, kāore e whakawhirinaki ki a ia, ā, ka whakapae i a ia mō ngā mea katoa e hē ana. Kāore e taea e koe te whakapau i tō oranga ki te whakamarie i tana whakapehapeha, nā te mea ka pā ki tō ake mana ake. Nō reira, ahakoa ō ngana katoa, ki te kore he whakapainga, me whakaaro anō koe ki te marena katoa.
Pērā i a Anna, tērā pea ka kitea e koe he pai ake te noho wehe i te noho pūmau i roto i tētahi marena pouri. Ki te tae mai ki tēnā, kaua e mangere ki te whakamutu engari kia tino mohio kua pau katoa ō whiringa i mua i tō haerenga ki taua ara.
He raruraru anō tō ia marena, engari ka taea e te koretake o te māia te whakangaro. Ka taea e koe te whakapau kaha ki te whakakī i tō whanaungatanga ki te kata, te mahana me te whakawhirinaki, engari ki te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga kaha , me rua kōrua.
FAQs
He maha atu anō ngā take e pā mai ana i te koretake o te māia – te hae, te kore whakawhirinaki, te whakahīhī ki a ia anō me te whakahīhī ki ētahi atu. Ko te kore o tētahi turanga pakari, pumau hoki ka pā kino ki te marena.
Ki te pātai te tangata i ia nekehanga a tana hoa, ka ārai i a ia kia kaua e eke ki ngā taumata e hiahiatia ana, ka kore e whakarērea ia ia, ka pāngia e te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, me te kore e aro ki tana wahine, ki tana hoa wahine rānei, ka taea te kī kei te pāngia ia e te kore haumaru.
Ka taea te whakakore i te āwangawanga i roto i te marena mā te mohio me te mahi ki ngā pūtake o ngā raruraru, te rapu awhina ngaio, te whakawhanake i te māramatanga me te whakamarie i te whanaungatanga, me te whakarite kia pai ake te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i waenga i te hoa.
He tohu pono te hae mō te kore whakawhirinaki. Ina aroha koe, he mea maori te ahua o te pupuri i tō hoa engari kaua e arahi ki te hae nui nā te mea ka taea e tēnā te whakangaro.
Ka taea e te hae hauora te āwhina i a koe ki te hanga whanaungatanga kaha ake?
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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
