Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino – 15 Ngā Tohutohu e Tautokona ana e ngā Tohunga

He uaua te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino, ā, he uaua hoki ki te kare ā-roto. Ina he tirohanga pōuri tonu tā tētahi o ngā hoa rangatira, ka pā ki te oranga whānui o te tokorua, ka whakararu hoki i te whanaungatanga. Heoi anō, ka taea te whakatau i tēnei take, ā, ka taea te mahi i ngā mahi hei hanga hononga whai hua, harikoa hoki, me te u tonu, te mārama, me ngā pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua.

I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka matapakihia e mātou me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino, me pēhea hoki te waihanga i tētahi ao harikoa, harikoa hoki i roto i tō marena. Mā te whakamahi i ēnei whakaaro, ka taea e koe te whakarerekē i tō whanaungatanga me te whakatipu i tētahi taiao tautoko, me te whakatenatena i te whakaaroaro whaiaro me te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera. Kia maumahara ko te whakatau i ngā kino me mahi tahi ngā taha e rua me te whakapau kaha ki te whakamahi i te aroha me te whakapai ake. 

To mātou tohunga, kaiako whanaungatanga Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), he tohunga ki te CBT, REBT, me te kaiārahi mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, e aro ana ki ngā take e pā ana ki ngā hoa rangatira kino, ā, e whakarato ana hoki i āna tohutohu whai hua hei whakatau pai i aua take.

He aha te kino i roto i ngā whanaungatanga

He maha ngā wā ka kitea e koe te hunga e amuamu ana, "Kei te pau katoa ōku kaha ki te āhua kino o taku hoa." He aha ai tēnei? Ngā āhuatanga kino o te whanaungatanga e tautuhia ana ko tētahi tauira whakahē auau me tētahi tirohanga pōuri e whakararu ana i te oranga ngākau me te hononga o te hoa. Kei roto ko tētahi hinengaro e aro nui ana ki ngā take, ngā hapa, me ngā ngoikoretanga. I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, kāore te tangata e rapu otinga, e whakanui rānei i ngā āhuatanga pai o te whanaungatanga. 

He maha ngā wā kua rongo tātou i te iwi e amuamu ana, "He kino tonu taku tāne, he riri tonu" he "He kino taku tāne ki ngā mea katoa." Ko ngā taurangi takitahi pēnei i ngā kaupapa kino o mua, ngā raruraru hinengaro kāore anō kia whakatauhia, te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, te ahotea tonu rānei, ka whai wāhi katoa ki te kino. Tērā pea ka pāngia ngā waiaro kino i roto i te hononga e ngā take o waho, pēnei i ngā raruraru pūtea, ngā mahi ahotea, ngā raruraru hauora rānei.

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Ngā take e ahua kino ai tō hoa rangatira

nandita e kī ana, "Ko ngā waiaro kino e ahu mai ana i ngā wāhanga matua e toru: te whakaaro kino ki a ia anō, arā, te kore whakaaro nui ki a ia anō; te whakaaro kino ki ētahi atu, arā, te kore whakawhirinaki, te riri rānei; me te whakaaro kino ā-ao, arā, te tirohanga pōuri ki te ao whānui. Mā te mārama ki ēnei wāhanga ka āwhina i te aro atu ki ngā take maha."

He maha ngā wā ka rapu koe i a koe anō i runga i te Google, "Me pēhea te noho tahi me te hoa rangatira kino?" He mea nui kia arotakehia ngā āhuatanga maha kia mārama ai koe he aha te take e pōuri ai tō hoa rangatira. E mōhio ana tātou katoa he uaua te mahi tahi me te tangata he kōrero kino tonu tāna. Anei ētahi whakamārama noa mō ngā kare ā-roto kino o tō hoa rangatira:

• Nga wheako o mua: Hei tikanga āwhina i te hunga kua pāngia e ngā mamae, ngā pouri, ngā raruraru rānei o mua, ka taea e rātou te whai i tētahi tirohanga pōuri ki te ao.
• Te whakapouri: Te whawhai ki a tāne pukuririMena kei raro tō hoa i te nui o te pēhanga, ka pā pea ki tōna āhua kare ā-roto, ā, ka nui ake tōna kino
• Ngā whakaaro taupatupatu hinengaro: Tērā pea he whakaaro pōhēhē tō hoa. Mēnā he whakaaro pōhēhē tō rātou, ka meinga rātou kia aro nui ki ngā hua kino, ki ngā mea rānei e pā ana ki te wā, i ngā mea pai.
• Nga take kaore i whakatauhia: Ko ngā raruraru whaiaro, whanaungatanga rānei kāore anō kia whakatauhia, ka waiho hei pūtake pumau o te kore harikoa. Ka taea hoki e ēnei te whakanui ake i te ngakau pouri.
• Nga tikanga hauora hinengaro: Ka puta pea te pouri me te manukanuka hei tohu tonu o te kino, e tohu ana i tētahi mate hinengaro kei raro. Ahakoa ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro ngawari ka waiho hei raruraru nui i te wā roa.
• Kāhua kōrero: Tērā pea ka hiahia tō hoa ki te whakamahi i te reo kino ina kōrero ana, ina whakapuakina hoki ō rātou whakaaro. Tērā pea ka whai hua, kāore rānei e whai hua te wahangu i konei.
• Ngā āhuatanga taiao: Ko te ahotea i te mahi, ngā raruraru moni, ngā āhuatanga noho kino rānei, he tauira ēnei o ngā awe o waho ka pā kino pea ki tō hoa me tōna wairua.
• Te kore o nga pukenga whakahaere: Ki te kore e taea e tō hoa te whakatau tika i ngā uauatanga o te ao, ka huri pea rātou ki tētahi tirohanga pouri.
• Nga ahuatanga tuakiri: Ko te ngākau pouri me te noho motuhake he āhuatanga e rua ka whai wāhi ki te whai tirohanga kino ake.

Ko te aro atu ki ngā āhuatanga kino i roto i ngā whanaungatanga me whai kōrero tuwhera, pono hoki, kia nui ake te aroha, me te hiahia ki te mahi tahi. Kei roto i tēnei ko te whai whakaaro ki ngā kare ā-roto o tō hoa rangatira, me te hanga i tētahi āhuarangi pai ake, tautoko ake hoki, te wero i ngā whakaaro me ngā whanonga kino o te whanaungatanga, me te rapu āwhina ngaio mēnā e tika ana. Mā te aro atu ki ngā whakaaro kino, ka taea e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora ake, whai hua ake hoki i runga i te whakawhirinaki, te māramatanga, me te whakaute tetahi ki tetahi. 

E kī ana a Nandita, "Ina whai mana te hoa rangatira, ka pāngia pea tōna hoa e ngā whakaaro kino me te hekenga o te whakaaro ki a ia anō i roto i te wā. Ka kino pea tēnei āhuatanga ki te whanaungatanga. Mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, te tautoko tahi, me te rapu āwhina ngaio ka taea te whai wāhi ki te aro atu ki ēnei wero me te whai hua."

Ngā Tohu o te Hoa Rangatira Kino

Ka rite te āhua kino ki te waranga. Nā te mea ka pāngia te whānui e tō rātou tirohanga pōuri te kaha o te whanaungatanga, he uaua, he taumaha hoki ngā whanaungatanga katoa ki tētahi tangata kino. Hei whakatau tika i te take, he mea nui kia mōhio ki ngā tohu whakatūpato o tētahi hoa rangatira kino. Ahakoa he mea noa te kino i ētahi wā, ka taea e ngā tauira whanonga kino tonu te kino ki te oranga hinengaro o ngā hoa e rua. Mā te mōhio ki ēnei tohu ka āwhina i a koe ki te mārama me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino, me te mahi i ngā mahi hei hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga harikoa ake, whai tikanga ake hoki:

1. Te kimi hapa tonu i roto i tā rāua whanaungatanga

He maha ngā wā ka kitea te tangata e mea ana, "Taku Kei te whakangaro te riri o taku wahine i tā māua marena"Tērā pea ka whakahē tonu te hoa rangatira kino, ka kimi hapa hoki i tā rātou hoa rangatira. Ko ngā ngoikoretanga te mea nui ki a rātou, ā, kāore rawa e kite, e whakanui rānei i ngā painga."

2. Pessimism 

He maha ngā wā ka mau tonu te whakaaro kino o te hoa rangatira ki te ao, ā, he maha ngā wā ka whakaaro ia he kino rawa atu. Ka aro tonu ia ki ngā arai, kaua ki ngā whai wāhitanga.

3. Whakapae keemu

Kāore ngā pānga o te whakahē tonu i roto i te marena e pai mō tetahi o ngā taha. Te whakawhiti i te whakapae ki ētahi atu Ko te pouri, te koretake rānei o te tangata, me te amuamu nui rawa, e rua ngā huarahi e puta ai te whakaaro kino. Kaua e tangohia tēnei momo whakaaro kino ki a koe anō, kaua hoki e whakaae ki te whakapae.

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4. Te kore maioha

Tērā pea ka uaua ki te hoa rangatira kino te whakapuaki i tōna maioha mō ngā mahi me ngā tohu a tōna hoa. Tērā pea ka warewarehia e rātou ngā painga o te hononga.

5. Te kore aronganui aronganui

Ka taea e te kino te whakararu i te kare ā-roto, ka puta ake i roto i te āhua pōrearea, te riri, te riri nui rānei. Tērā pea ka puta ohorere ēnei huringa kare ā-roto, i roto rānei i te wā.

6. Te kore o te tipu

He maha ngā wā ka whakahē te hunga kino te tipu whaiaro, whakaaroaro, me ngā kaupapa hei whakapai ake i a rātou anō, i te whanaungatanga rānei. Tērā pea ka mangere rātou ki te tono āwhina, ki te whakaaro rānei ki ētahi atu tirohanga.

7. Tuhinga

Tērā pea ka wehe atu te hoa rangatira i te taha kare ā-roto, ka tawhiti atu, ka wehe atu i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e rātou te wehe atu i a rātou anō, te karo rānei i ngā āhuatanga pāpori, ka noho mokemoke ai te hoa rangatira.

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino – 15 Ngā Tohutohu e Tautokona ana e ngā Tohunga

Ki te mea he maha ngā wā ka kī koe, "Kei te tino pāngia ahau e te āhua kino o taku hoa," me pānui tonu. Ka pā kino pea te whai hoa kino ki te oranga katoa o te whanaungatanga. I te nuinga o te wā, kotahi noa te taunekeneke kino i te rā katoa ka tino pā kino. 

Kua kohia e mātou ngā whakaaro tekau mā rima kua tautokona e ngā tohunga mō te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino. Kei roto i ēnei whakaaro ngā tikanga hei whakatū i tētahi whanaungatanga pai ake, harikoa ake hoki, tae atu ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te aroha ki tētahi atu, te whakatakoto rohe, me te manaaki i a koe anō i roto i te whanaungatanga me tētahi tangata kino. Mēnā he tangata kino tāu e moe ana, ka nui ake tō whanaungatanga harikoa me te whai hua mā te whakamahi i ēnei tikanga, ka mahi pea koe ki te whakarei ake i te hauora kare ā-roto o kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira.

1. Kia mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga 

Mā te aroha ki tō hoa rangatira, ka whai koe ki te whakanoho i a koe ki roto i ō rāua tūranga, me te mārama ki ngā take o ō rāua āhua kino. Mena kei te pōuri rātou, tera pea he pānga ki ngā wheako o mua, ki ētahi atu āhuatanga whaiaro rānei. Mā te mārama ki ō rātou tirohanga ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatata atu ki te āhuatanga me te aroha me te atawhai, ka poipoi i te hononga hohonu ake.

2. A faaitoito i te aparauraa matara

Kāore he tangata e pai ana ki te riri nui o tā rātou hoa rangatira i ngā mea iti noa iho. He mea nui te waihanga i tētahi taiao haumaru, kore whakahē hoki mō te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua. Me noho humarie kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira. te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto, ngā āwangawanga, me ngā pōuri, me te kore e wehi i te whakahē, i te ārai rānei. Ko te whakarongo kaha ko te aro, te whakamārama, me te whakautu aroha ki ngā kupu a tō hoa rangatira, me te whakaatu e whakanuia ana e koe ō rāua tirohanga.

E whakamārama ana a Nandita, "Mā te āta whakaaro me te ngākau aroha, ka taea e koe te ārahi i tētahi hoa rangatira kino ki te kite i ngā āhuatanga i tētahi atu huarahi. Mā te tuku mārire i ngā tirohanga rerekē, ka taea e koe te āwhina i a rātou ki te whakahou i ō rātou tirohanga, me te whakatairanga i tētahi hinengaro pai ake me ngā taunekeneke hauora ake i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua te whai wāhi nui ki te whakatairanga i te māramatanga me te oranga ngākau."

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3. Arotahi ki ngā mea pai

Me pēhea te noho pai i te taha o tētahi hoa rangatira kino? Nō reira, ehara i te mea whakakatakata te mahi tahi me tētahi tangata he whakaaro kino tōna, ā, he maha ngā wā ka puta mai ō rātou whakaaro kino i te aro tonu ki ngā raruraru, ki ngā ngoikoretanga rānei. Whakatenatenahia tō hoa rangatira kia tahuri tōna aro ki ngā āhuatanga pai o tōna ao me tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Mā te whakanui i ngā wikitoria iti, te whakaatu i te whakawhetai, me te whakaae ki ngā mea pai o te ao o tō hoa rangatira ka taea te huri haere i tōna hinengaro me te whakatairanga i tētahi tirohanga pai ake. Me tono atu ki a ia kia whakaiti i ōna whakaaro kino.

E ai ki rangahau, "Ko te 5:1 te ōwehenga makutu o ngā taunekeneke pai-ki-kino." E kī ana a John Gottman, he tohunga hinengaro Amerikana me te Ahorangi Emeritus o te Hinengaro i Te Whare Wānanga o Washington, i te mea kotahi i roto i tana pukapuka ariā tauriteE ai ki a John Gottman me āna hoa mahi, ko te tikanga mō ia kare ā-roto, ia taunekeneke kino rānei i waenganui i ngā hoa, me rima ngā kare ā-roto, ngā taunekeneke pai rānei. Nō reira, arotahi ki ngā wāhanga pai.

4. Kia tautoko

He pōhēhē kei te pēhea te whakatau i tētahi wahine e riri ana? Ko te kore tautoko tētahi o ngā pānga o te whakahē tonu i roto i te marena. Me whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa rangatira kei reira koe hei tautoko i a ia. Anei me pēhea te mahi i tēnā:

• Wātea tere: Mā te whakapuaki i tō wātea ka āwhina i tō hoa kia mōhio kei reira koe hei tautoko i a rātou, ā, kua rite hoki koe ki te tuku tautoko kare ā-roto, ā-tinana hoki.
• Whakamana kare-a-roto: Hei whakaatu i te aroha, whakamanahia ngā kare ā-roto me ngā wheako o tō hoa rangatira. Hei tāpiri, whakaae ki ō rātou mamae, me te whakamōhio atu kei te mōhio koe ki ō rātou uauatanga.
• Te whakapau kaha me te whakamanawa: Whakahuatia anō tāu te whakapau kaha ki te marena me tō rite ki te wikitoria i ngā arai hei rōpū mā te whai i te pepeha "Whakaū ki te Mahi Ngātahi."
• Whakatairanga i te pai: Kia mōhio koe ka taea e tō āwhina te whakarato i tētahi taiao haumaru, whakamarie hoki, hei āwhina i tō hoa rangatira ki te huri ki tētahi tirohanga pai ake, ki tētahi whanaungatanga hauora ake hoki.

Mā tō tautoko ka puta he wairua haumaru me te whakamarie, ka taea ai e rātou te āta whakaaro pai ake. E kī ana a Nandita, "Ko te whakaatu i te aroha, te u tonu, te manawanui, me te whakamihi ka whai hua ki te whakatau i te hoa rangatira kino. Ko ēnei āhuatanga e whakaatu ana i te māramatanga, te whakatau, me te aroha, e hanga ana i tētahi taiao e rongo ai te hoa rangatira kino i te uara me te tautoko, ā, ka arahi pea ki te pai ake o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te tirohanga pai ake i roto i te wā."

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5. Tautuhia nga rohe

He maha ngā tāngata e rapu āwhina ana mō te noho tahi me te hoa rangatira kino. Ahakoa he mea nui te tautoko, he mea nui anō hoki te whakatū i ngā rohe hauora hei tiaki i tō oranga ngākau, inā koa mēnā kei te noho tahi koe me te hoa rangatira kino. Kōrerohia ō hiahia, me te whakamōhio atu ki tō hoa rangatira ki te pānga o ō rātou kino ki a koe. Mā ngā rohe ka mōhio rātou kei te taumaha rawa, ā, kāore e pau ōu ake whakaaro pai. Kimihia he taurite i waenga i te tautoko me te tiaki i a koe anō.

E mea ana a Nandita, "Ina mahi tahi koe me tētahi hoa rangatira kino, he mea nui kia mārama te tautuhi i ō rohe, kia mau tonu ai te whakaute i a koe anō. I a koe e whakaatu ana i te aroha ki ā rātou raruraru, kia maumahara he mea nui anō hoki te pupuri i tō ake oranga ngākau." 

"Te whakapau i te wā i roto i whanaungatanga takatika "Ka taea e ngā porowhita pāpori te whakarato i tētahi taiao tautoko mō te tipu whaiaro. Mā ngā taunekeneke whai hua me ngā tāngata hihiri ka taea te whakataurite i ngā wero a tō hoa rangatira. Mā tēnei huarahi koe e āhei ai ki te kite i roto i ngā uauatanga o te whanaungatanga me te atawhai, te māia ki a koe anō, me te tirohanga taurite."

6. Whakatenatenahia te whakaaroaro whaiaro

Kei te aro atu koe ki tētahi hoa rangatira kino? Āwhina i tō hoa rangatira kia kite, kia whakaaroaro hoki ki ā rāua tauira me ā rāua whanonga kino. Whakatenatenahia rātou kia tūhura i te pānga o ō rāua whanonga kino ki a rāua anō me te whanaungatanga. Mā te mōhio ki a rātou anō, ka taea e rātou te tīmata ki te mārama ki te whai wāhi a ō rāua whakaaro me ā rāua whanonga ki te whanaketanga whānui. Ka taea e tēnei whakaaroaro-ā-roto te noho hei whakakorikori mō ngā huringa me te akiaki i a rātou ki te whai i tētahi tirohanga pai ake.

7. Rapua he awhina ngaio

Kei te whakaaro tonu koe, "He kino taku tāne ki ngā mea katoa"? Āe, ki te mau tonu te kino, ā, ka pā kino ki tō whanaungatanga, ā, kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino, he pai pea te rapu āwhina mai i tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro, i tētahi kaitohutohu marena rānei. Mā rātou koe e kōrero me pēhea te mahi te mahi tahi me te hoa rangatira pouriKua whakangungua ēnei tohunga ki te ārahi i a koe i roto i ngā āhuatanga uaua, me te whakahaere i ngā kōrero whai hua. Ka taea e rātou te whakarato i ngā māramatanga, ngā rautaki, me ngā tikanga hei āwhina i a koe me tō hoa rangatira ki te whakatere i ngā āhuatanga kino, me te mahi ki tētahi whanaungatanga hauora ake.

E mea ana a Nandita, "Me whakaaro he kōwhiringa whai hua te rapu āwhina ngaio ina mahi tahi ana me tētahi hoa rangatira kino mēnā kua kitea kāore i te whai hua ā kōrua mahi ki te whakapai ake i te āhuatanga mā te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, te aroha ki a ia anō, me ngā rohe whaiaro mō tētahi wā roa." 

Mena kei te tino pāngia tō hinengaro me tō kare ā-roto e te kino, e whakararuraru ana, e whakararuraru ana hoki i te whanaungatanga ki tētahi taumata e kore e taea te whakatika, kua tae pea te wā ki te whakauru i tētahi kaiwhakaora hinengaro, i tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro rānei. Ka taea e ō rātou tohungatanga te whakarato i ngā māramatanga kore whakaaro, ngā rautaki whai hua, me tētahi wāhi haumaru mō ngā hoa tokorua ki te aro atu ki ngā take matua me te mahi ki ngā āhuatanga hauora. Kia maumahara, ko te rapu āwhina ngaio ehara i te tohu o te kore angitu engari he taahiraa ki te whakatau i ngā wero.

8. Whakatairanga i tētahi āhuarangi pai

Kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi hoa rangatira kino i a koe e noho ana i te kāinga? Waihangahia he taiao i te kāinga e whakatairanga ana i te pai me te whakahihiko. Whakauru atu ki ngā mahi e kawe mai ana i te harikoa me te kata ki roto i ō koutou oranga. Whakamaherehia he haerenga ngahau, mātakitaki tahi i ngā kiriata, i ngā whakaaturanga rorirori rānei, kia pai te ora, uru atu rānei ki ngā mahi whakangahau me ngā hiahia mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhineKa āwhina tēnei ki te waihanga i ngā maharatanga pai, ā, ka whakapakari ake i tētahi āhuarangi hihiri i roto i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.

9. A haamata i te mauruuru

Me pēhea te aukati i te hoa rangatira kino? He mahi uaua te noho tahi me te hoa rangatira kino. Engari mā te whakatipu i te tikanga o te whakapuaki i te whakawhetai ka taea te neke ake i te arotahi mai i te kino ki te maioha. Whakatenatenahia tō hoa rangatira kia aro nui ki ngā mea pai o tōna ao me ngā āhuatanga pai o tō kōrua whanaungatanga. Ka taea tēnei mā te kōrero i ia rā, mā te pupuri rānei i tētahi pukapuka whakawhetai. Te whakapuaki tonu i te maioha mō ngā āhuatanga, ngā mahi, me ngā mahi a tētahi ki tētahi. whakakaha te here ā, ka poipoi i tētahi hinengaro pai ake. Tirohia ētahi huarahi hei whakaiti i te whakahē i tō hoa:

• Kia mōhio ki tō āhua ki te whakahē me te whakamahi i te aro nui ina kōrero ana koe ki tō hoa
• Ki te hiahia koe ki te whakahē, me tatari mō tētahi hēkona, ka kohikohi i ō whakaaro i mua i te kōrero
• Kaua e aro nui ki ngā hapa o tō hoa, engari kia aro ki ōna āhuatanga pai me ōna kaha.
• Whakamahia ngā kupu 'ahau' kaua ki ngā whakapae, ki ngā whakahē rānei, hei whakapuaki mārire, whakaute hoki i ō hiahia me ō āwangawanga.

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10. Whakatenatenahia te manaaki i a koe anō mō ​​tō hoa rangatira kino

Ko wai e pai ana ki ngā tāne pukuriri? Kāore mātou, ā, kāore hoki koe e pai. Whakatairangahia ngā mahi tiaki i a koe anō mōu ake me tō hoa rangatira. Anei ētahi tohutohu:

• Whakatenatenahia rātou mō ngā mahi ā-tinana: Whakatenatenahia rātou ki te whai wāhi atu ki ngā mahi hei whakatairanga i tō rātou ake oranga, pērā i te whai i ngā mahi whakangahau, te whakakori tinana auau, te whakaaroaro, te mahi rānei te whai mahi e āwhina ana i a rātou ki te whakangā me te whakahou i a rātou anō
• Waihangahia ngā whāinga tūturu: Āwhina i a rātou ki te waihanga i ngā whāinga ka taea te whakahaere kia pai ake ai tō rātou whakatutukitanga
• Hangaia he taiao marino: Whakamarie ake te āhua o tō kāinga. Waihangahia he āhua whakamarie, whakatangihia he waiata whakangā, tahuna rānei ētahi rama.

Mā te tiaki i a koe anō i te taha tinana, i te taha hinengaro, me te taha kare ā-roto ka whai wāhi atu ki te whakaaro pai ake me te harikoa whānui. Āta karohia ngā whakaaro kino katoa.

E kī ana a Nandita, "Whakaurua mārire te manaaki i a koe anō ki tō hoa rangatira kino. Kōrerohia ōna painga me pēhea e taea ai e ia te whakapai ake i tōna oranga. Tukuna he tautoko ki te tūhura i ngā mahi e whakatairanga ana i te pai me te whakangā. Whakanuia ko te manaaki i a koe anō ka taea te whakarei ake i tōna kaha ki te aro atu ki ngā wero me te whai wāhi atu ki tētahi whanaungatanga hauora ake."

11. Werohia ngā whakaaro kino

Āwhina i tō hoa rangatira kia mōhio ki ōna whakaaro me ōna whakapono kino, me te pupuri anō hoki i tō ake kaha. Anei ētahi tohutohu:

• He mea nui te whakatenatena: Whakatenatenahia rātou mā te taunekeneke pai me ngā mihi
• Me whakaaro rātou: Pātaihia te tika o ēnei whakaaro kino, ā, whakaarohia ngā tirohanga rerekē 
• Whakaaturia ki a rātou te taha pai: Whakaakona rātou ki te whakahou i te āhua o ngā āhuatanga kino mā te arotahi ki ngā otinga me ngā whai wāhitanga pea mō te tipu, kaua ki te noho tonu i roto i te huringa kino.

Mā tēnei tukanga whakarerekētanga hinengaro ka āwhina i te huri i ō rātou hinengaro ki tētahi tirohanga pai ake, whai hua ake hoki.

12. Arataki ma te tauira

He maha ngā wā ka kitea koe e kī ana, "He kino tonu taku tāne, he riri hoki"? Kia pai tō tauira mā te pupuri i te wairua hihiri i a koe e mahi tahi ana me te hoa rangatira kino. Kia pai tonu, me te whakaatu ki tō hoa rangatira ngā painga o te pai me pēhea e taea ai whakapai ake i tō whanaungatanga me te harikoa whānui. Whakaaturia te manawanui i roto i ngā wero, me te urupare ki ngā āhuatanga kino me te hinengaro pai me te hihiri. Ka taea e tō waiaro pai te whakahihiko me te akiaki i tō hoa rangatira ki te whai i tētahi huarahi ōrite.

E kī ana a Nandita, "Ārahi mā te whakaatu tonu i ngā whanonga pai, te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te whakahaere i ngā kare ā-roto. Whakaaturia te aroha, te whakarongo kaha, me te manawanui i roto i ngā wero. Whakatipuhia he taiao tautoko mā te mahi i te tiaki i a koe anō, te whakatakoto rohe, me te whakatenatena i ā rātou mahi. Ka taea e āu mahi te whakahihiko me te awe i te hinengaro me te whanonga pai o tō hoa rangatira i roto i te wā."

13. Hangaia he whatunga tautoko

Kua whakaaro koe he aha te mea ka rite ki ngā kupu makutu ki te tangata kino? Āe, ko te kī noa iho "Kei konei ahau hei tautoko i a koe." Ina pōuri tō hoa rangatira, whakatenatenahia ia kia hono ki hoa, whānau, rōpū tautoko rānei. Tukua rātou kia whakapuaki i ō rātou wheako me te kimi tautoko mai i ētahi atu kua pāngia e ngā wero rite. Mā te whai whatunga tautoko ka taea e rātou te whakapuaki i ō rātou kare ā-roto, te whiwhi tirohanga rerekē, me te whiwhi whakatenatena. Ka taea hoki e ia te whakaiti i ngā kare ā-motuhake, me te whakarato i te wairua nō roto.

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14. Whakanuia te ahunga whakamua

Whakamihihia, whakanuia hoki ngā ahunga whakamua katoa a tō hoa rangatira i roto i te whai whakaaro pai ake. He taputapu kaha te whakakaha pai mō te huringa whanonga. Ina kite koe i tō hoa rangatira e ngana ana ki te wero i ōna whakaaro kino, e whai wāhi ana rānei ki ngā whanonga pai ake, whakapuakihia tō maioha me te whakanui i tōna tipu. Mā te whakanui i te ahunga whakamua ka whakakaha i tōna hihiri ki te haere tonu i te ara ki te pai. 

15. Kia mau tonu te tiaki i a koe anō

Mena kei te whakaaro tonu koe me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakaaro kino o tētahi hoa rangatira, me kī atu mātou he mea nui te tiaki i tō ake oranga ngākau puta noa i tēnei tukanga. Whakauru atu ki ngā mahi hei whakahou me te whakahihiko i a koe. Rapua he tautoko mai i ngā hoa, i ngā mema o te whānau rānei, whakaarohia rānei ngā wā whakaora hinengaro, ngā wā tohutohu rānei māu ake mēnā e tika ana. Mā te whakatairanga i tō ake tiaki i a koe anō, ka whakarite koe kei a koe te manawanui me te kaha ki te tautoko i tō hoa rangatira whai hua.

E mea ana a Nandita, "He mea nui te tiaki i a koe anō ina pā ana ki tētahi hoa rangatira kino mō tō oranga. Whakaritea ō hiahia ki te kaupapa matua me te kore he hara. Whakatakotoria he rohe hei tiaki i tō wāhi kare ā-roto. Whakauru atu ki ngā mahi e pai ana ki a koe, hono atu ki ngā hoa tautoko, me te whakaaro ki te tuku tohutohu. Kia maumahara, mā te tiaki i a koe anō ka taea e koe te whakatere pai ake i ngā wero me te pupuri i tētahi tirohanga hauora."

He uaua pea te whakatau i tētahi hoa kino, engari mā te huarahi me ngā tikanga tika, ka taea te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga whai tikanga, whai hua hoki. E 15 ngā otinga kua tautokona e ngā tohunga i roto i tēnei tuhinga hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i tēnei raruraru. Ka taea e koe te waihanga i tētahi taiao haumaru, whakatenatena hoki māu me tō hoa rangatira mā te whai wāhi ki te aroha, te tautoko i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero tuwhera, me te whakatū i ngā herenga tika.

Ka taea te āwhina i te aro atu ki ngā take o ō rātou āhua kino mā te whakatenatena i te whakaaro pai me te whakaaroaro ki a koe anō. Mēnā e tika ana, ka taea hoki e koe te tono āwhina ngaio. Mā te whakarite i te tiaki i a koe anō hei kaupapa matua ka taurite hoki tō hauora hinengaro i te wā o te mahi. Kia maumahara he roa te wā e hiahiatia ana mō te huringa, ā, me manawanui, me mārama, me whakapau kaha hoki ngā hoa tokorua ki te whakapai ake i tō rāua hononga.

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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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