"He mea hou noa iho te tohutohu whanaungatanga, he mea āwhina rānei?" te pātai a tētahi o ōku hoa i ēnei rā tata nei. I tana marenatanga 10 tau ki muri, i kōrero rāua ko tana tāne mō te kore tamariki. Engari i huri whakarere tana tāne i tōna whakaaro. I hiahia ia ki te whāngai tamariki, engari i whakaaro ia kāore anō ia kia rite mō te whāngai tamariki. Nō reira, ka tīmata rāua te wehe i roto i te marena. I wehi ia kei mutu te marena mēnā kāore rāua e ngana ki te whakaora.
Koira te wā i kōrero ai ahau ki a ia mō te tohunga hinengaro rongonui o Amerika, a John Gottman. E 40 tau ia e rangahau ana i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e 3,000, ā, kua whakaorangia e ia ngā rau o ngā marena. E whakapono ana a Gottman he maha ngā wā ka tomuri rawa ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whiriwhiri i te kaiārahi whanaungatanga. Ka mahi rātou i tēnei ina pā mai te kino rawa ki te whanaungatanga, engari me i whiriwhiri wawe rātou, tera pea kua ora ake ētahi atu marena.
I kī atu ahau ki taku hoa ehara te kaiārahi whanaungatanga i te mea hou. Ehara i te mea ka āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine anake, engari kua āwhina hoki te kaiārahi whānau i ngā mātua kia mārama ake ki ā rātou tamariki. Inaa, kei te āwhina te kaiārahi i mua i te mārenatanga i te tangata kia pai ake te whakatere i te kaupapa uaua o te mārenatanga.
"Me haere koe ki te kaunhera whanaungatanga i mua i te tomuri rawa," ka mea atu ahau ki taku hoa.
He aha te Tohutohu Whakawhanaungatanga?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Hei whakarāpopototanga, mā te tohutohu whanaungatanga koe e āwhina kia mārama ki tāu mahi hē i roto i te whanaungatanga. ka āwhina i a koe ki te hono anō me te whakatika i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga.
Ki te mea he raruraru hauora tōu, me haere koe ki te tākuta, ki te mea he raruraru hinengaro tōu, me rapu awhina i te tohunga hinengaro. Engari ki te mea kua kino haere tō whanaungatanga, ā, he maha ngā tau e pāngia ana e ngā raruraru, ka tohe tonu koe ki te whakatau i tēnei raruraru, me te kore e tono awhina.
He aha ai? Nā te mea i te nuinga o te wā kāore koe e whakaatu mai he raruraru kei te tuatahi. E mea ana te kaiako ora, a Joie Bose, "Ina haere mai te tangata ki ahau mō te tohutohu whanaungatanga, ka tino pōhēhē rātou mō ō rātou ake kare ā-roto. Hei kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, ko taku mahi he āwhina i a rātou kia mārama ki te wāhi e hē ana rātou, me pēhea hoki e taea ai e rātou te whakatika."
"Ko te whakauru mai i ngā tirohanga a te tuatoru, he tangata kua mōhio ki te mārama ki ngā āhuatanga o te whanaungatanga, ehara i te mea whakahē i te tokorua, ā, ka taea e ia te āwhina i a koe ki te whiriwhiri pai ake i ngā āhuatanga, ā, ka taea e ia te mahi merekara mō tō whanaungatanga."
E ai ki te American Association Of Marriage And Family Therapy (AAMFT) i runga i tana paetukutuku, he rite tonu te whai huatanga o te mārenatanga me te whānau ki ngā maimoatanga paerewa me/ranei takitahi mō ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro maha pērā i te schizophrenia pakeke, ngā mate kare ā-roto, te waipiro me te whakamahi kino i ngā raau taero mō ngā pakeke, ngā mate whanonga tamariki me te raruraru me te pakanga o te mārenatanga, ā, i ētahi wā he nui ake te whai huatanga i ngā maimoatanga paerewa me/ranei takitahi mō ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro maha.
Ka taea e te tohutohu te āwhina i tētahi whanaungatanga pakaru? E kī ana a AAMFT e 98% o ngā kiritaki o ngā kaiwhakaora marena me te whānau e kī ana he pai, he tino pai rānei ngā ratonga whakaora. Ko te tikanga o tēnei he pai ngā hua i puta mai i te tohutohu whanaungatanga. I roto i ngā urupare i riro mai i te AAMFT, e 90% o ngā kiritaki e kī ana he pai ake te hauora hinengaro, ā, tata ki te rua hautoru e kī ana he pai ake te hauora tinana whānui.
Ko te nuinga o ngā kiritaki e kī ana he pai ake te mahi a te tokorua, ā, neke atu i te toru hauwhā o te hunga e whiwhi ana i te rongoā mārena/tāne/wahine, whānau rānei, e kī ana he pai ake te whanaungatanga o te tokorua. ngā painga o te tohutohu whanaungatanga tae atu ki te tautuhi i ngā take, te whakaiti i ngā pakanga, te whakapai ake i te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō. Ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere pai ake i ō kare ā-roto, me te whakahou anō i te harikoa i roto i te whanaungatanga.
Ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri i te rongoā poto, i te rongoā roa rānei, engari ka āwhina te kaunihera whanaungatanga i a koe. whakatika nga take e whakararuraru ana i tō kōrua whanaungatanga.
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Āhea te wā e rapu ai i te tohutohu whanaungatanga?
Nā te mea kua mārama koe ki te tikanga o te tohutohu whanaungatanga, kua tae ki te wā ki te aro atu ki tētahi atu pātai nui: āhea te rapu tohutohu whanaungatanga. I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga roa, pumau, ka puta ake ngā raruraru me ngā wā uaua i ētahi wā. Ahakoa ka taea e koe te whakaoti i ngā tautohetohe me ngā rerekētanga iti, ka taea e ētahi take te noho roa i roto i te wā, ka whakararuraru i tō whanaungatanga.
Koinei te wā ka tino āwhina te wawaotanga a te tohunga ki te wikitoria i te āwhā me te mārama ki tāu e hiahia ana mōu ake me tō whanaungatanga. Nā, he aha ēnei take e tika ana kia rapua he tohutohu? Me titiro tātou:
- Korekau: Ki te kore kōrua ko tō hoa e aro ki ngā hiahia, ngā tumanakohanga, te harikoa me te pouri o tētahi ki tētahi, he tohu tēnei kei te hē tetahi mea i roto i tō kōrua whārite. Mā te kore aro ka noho wehe koe, ka mutu te whawhai mō tō whanaungatanga. Koia te take me rapu te pūtake o te take o tēnei kore manaaki me te aroha i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ā, ka taea e koe te mahi i tēnā mā te rapu tohutohu whanaungatanga ipurangi, mā te kanohi ki te kanohi rānei.
- Te whawhai tonu: Ko te whawhai tonu me te totohe te tohu o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero kino, pakaru rānei i roto i te whanaungatanga, ka ngoikore ai tō hononga, ka aukati hoki i tō tipu hei tokorua. Mā ngā pātai tohutohu whanaungatanga tika me te tohunga hei āwhina i a koe ki te whakahaere i ō ake kare ā-roto, ka kitea e koe he huarahi hei wawahi i tēnei tauira.
- Ngā mea ngaro me ngā teka: Te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi whanaungatanga e kiia ana he mea kāore e taea te whiriwhiri. Ko taua whakawhirinakitanga he mea hanga i runga i te pono me te māramatanga. Ki te piri tetahi, tetahi rānei o ngā hoa i roto i te whanaungatanga ki ngā kōrero teka me ngā mea ngaro, ehara i te mea ka pā kino noa ki te whakawhirinakitanga engari he tohu anō hoki kua ngoikore te turanga o te whakawhirinakitanga i te tīmatanga. E tohu ana tēnei i tētahi raruraru nui ake i roto i te whanaungatanga o te tokorua e hiahia ana ki te wawaotanga a te tohunga.
- Te kore o te whanaungatanga: Ka tīmata te memeha haere o te whanaungatanga piripono i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga roa i muri i ētahi wā, ā, he mea e tumanakohia ana, he mea noa hoki tēnā. Heoi, ko ētahi atu momo whanaungatanga piripono ka kaha ake i te wā e hono tahi ana te tokorua. Nā tēnei āhua piripono whānui ka iti ake te whai hua o te whanaungatanga piripono. Mena kei te raru koe ki te piripono ki tō hoa, kua tae pea te wā ki te tirotiro i te kaunhera whanaungatanga.
- Tinihanga: He arai nui te tinihanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ahakoa e raru ana te hoa kua tinihangatia ki ngā kare ā-roto uaua pēnei i te tinihanga, te mamae me te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki, he onge te mahi a te tangata tinihanga me te kore take. Ka taea e te tohutohu whanaungatanga te āwhina i a koe ki te tautuhi i ngā pakaru o raro i whakararu i tō hononga tuatoru, me te whakaora i tō hononga mēnā koinā tāu e hiahia ana.
Ngā momo tohutohu whanaungatanga
He whai hua te tohutohu mō te marena? Ka taea e te tohutohu whanaungatanga te āwhina i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te wikitoria i ō rātou raruraru? Kāore he whakautu tika 'āe' 'kāo' rānei ki ēnei pātai. Kei runga i te kaha o ngā take e raru ana koe, te pūkenga o te kaitohutohu e mahi tahi ana koe me te huarahi ki te tohutohu.
I runga i ō raruraru me ō hītori whaiaro, ka taea e te kaitohutohu te whakamahi i tētahi, i ētahi rānei o ngā momo tohutohu whanaungatanga e whai ake nei:
- Te Tikanga Gottman: Ka whakamahia tēnei huarahi hei whakatau i ngā whanonga whakangaro o te whakahē, te whakahawea, te ārai me te aukati – arā, ko ngā kaieke hōiho e whā, e mōhiotia ana i roto i tēnei tikanga – mā te tūhura i ngā hītori whaiaro, ngā rerekētanga, ngā mea whakaoho, ngā uara tiritahi, ā, i te mutunga, te whiwhi taputapu hei whakatau me te whakahaere pakanga hauora.
- Te whakamaoritanga-whanonga (CBT): Ko tēnei tētahi o ngā momo tohutohu rongonui. Ko te arotahi ki konei ko te mārama me te wero i te whakapono o ngā hoa tokorua kia mārama ki ō rātou whakaaro, kia pai ake ai te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero me te whakatau tautohe.
- Te tohutohu mō te māramatanga: Ka whakamahia tēnei huarahi ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga ina hiahia tetahi hoa ki te whakaora i te whanaungatanga, ā, e hiahia ana tetahi ki te wehe. Ka arotahi ki te rangirua e aukati ana i tetahi o ngā hoa ki te whai wāhi katoa ki te tukanga whakaora, ā, ka taea e rātou te kite me te paunatia ā rātou kōwhiringa i mua i te whakatau ki te whakamutu i te marena.
- Te rongoā e aro ana ki ngā kare ā-roto: I roto i tēnei huarahi whakataki whanaungatanga, ko te arotahi ko te tautuhi, te tūhura me te whakatakoto tirohanga whānui ki ngā kare ā-roto o ngā hoa e rua e pā ana ki ngā raruraru o te whanaungatanga, me te whakaatu i a rātou me pēhea e whai wāhi ai ā rātou urupare kare ā-roto ki ō rātou raruraru.
- Te rongoā whanaungatanga Imago: Te tūhuratanga o te tikanga Imago kāhua āpitihanga e pā ana ki ngā wheako tamarikitanga o te hoa tokorua, hei āwhina i a rāua ki te tautuhi me pēhea te hua ake o ngā whakaaro, ngā kare ā-roto me ngā whanonga kino i ngā matea tamarikitanga kāore i tutuki
- Te rongoā kōrero: Ka tūhuratia e tēnei momo kaiārahi whanaungatanga ngā kaupapa whakararuraru i a koe anō i roto i te whārite o te tokorua. I ahu mai i te whakaaro ko ngā kōrero e kōrerotia ana e koe mōu ake e hanga ana i ō whanonga, i ō whakatau, ā, i muri mai, i te heke mai o tō whanaungatanga. Ko te whāinga i konei he whakatika i ngā kōrero whakararuraru i a koe anō i roto i te whanaungatanga.
- Te rongoā e arotahi ana ki te otinga: E ai ki te ingoa, ko te arotahi o tēnei huarahi ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga ko te kimi i tētahi otinga hei whakaoti i te raruraru e pā ana ki a koe. He tino whai hua tēnei ina he take mārama kei mua i a koe, pērā i te kore whakapono, te kore rānei o te whanaungatanga piripono, he rerekē ki te whānuitanga o ngā pakanga me ngā take roa.
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Ngā Mea 10 Me Mōhio Koe Mō Te Tohutohu Whānaungatanga
I mua i tō whiriwhiri i te kaupapa tohutohu whanaungatanga, tera pea he maha ngā pātai kei roto i tō hinengaro, ā, tera pea ka ruarua koe mēnā ka whai hua tēnei kaupapa mōu. "Kei te whai hua te kaupapa tohutohu mō te marena? Ka whai hua taku whanaungatanga i te whakaora hinengaro? Ki te kore, ko te tikanga kāore i angitu te whakaora hinengaro? Kei te haere tātou ki te kaupapa tohutohu mō te marena, he aha ngā mea kāore e tika kia kōrerotia, me ngā mea hei kōrerotia?"
Tērā pea he tino pōhēhē, he tino whakamataku hoki i te tīmatanga. Heoi, ki te kite koe i tētahi o ngā take i kōrerotia e mātou i roto i te wā e tika ana kia rapu tohutohu whanaungatanga, he pai ake te mahi wawe atu i te wā e whai ake nei. Kia maumahara kei a koe te kōwhiringa ki te pātai atu ki tō kaiwhakaora hinengaro i ngā pātai tohutohu whanaungatanga kia mōhio ai koe, kia marino ai hoki ki te tukanga.
Ahakoa rā, hei āwhina i te whakakore i taua aukati tuatahi, i roto i tēnei tuhinga, kua whakamāramahia e mātou te tikanga o te tohutohu whanaungatanga. Ngā mea me mōhio koe, me pēhea hoki e taea ai e ia te whakatika i ngā hapa o tō whanaungatanga.
1. Ka taea e te tohutohu te āwhina i tētahi whanaungatanga pakaru?
E whai hua ana te tohutohu mō te marena? Ko te whakautu ki tēnei pātai kei runga anō i ō tumanakohanga mai i te tukanga. He maha ngā tāngata e whakatata atu ana ki ngā kaitohutohu whanaungatanga me te whakaaro ka whakatikahia ngā mea pērā i te whakarite i ngā mīti 2-meneti mō te tina. Ki tā rātou whakaaro mā te noho tahi me te kaitohutohu ka hoatu he pire makutu hei whakaora i te whanaungatanga. Ki te mea koinā te mea e tumanakohia ana e koe, ka hoki pouri koe.
I mea atu a Kenneth Heffley, i haere ki te wānanga kōrero me tana wahine, a Megan (i hurihia ngā ingoa), "I tō mātou haerenga ki tētahi kaiārahi kōrero, i kite ahau he hohonu rawa atu ō mātou raruraru i tā mātou i whakaaro ai. I whakaaro mātou i ahu mai ō mātou pakanga i te mea he nui rawa taku aro ki ngā kēmu. Kātahi ka whakamārama mai te kaiārahi kōrero i ahu mai ō mātou raruraru i tō mātou tamarikitanga. He pāpā tukino tōku, ā, he tamarikitanga paitini ā, he tino whakapono, he matatika hoki ngā mātua o Megan, ā, i whakahaere i ana nekehanga katoa.”
Me whai wāhi ōrite ngā taha e rua ki te tukanga katoa mō te kaupapa tohutohu whanaungatanga kia whiwhi hua ai. I ētahi wā, i muri i te whakawhanaungatanga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, ka haere ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro ki te kaupapa tohutohu takitahi. Engari, i muri i te mōhiotanga o ō raruraru hei tāne me te wahine, ka taea e te kaupapa tohutohu te āwhina i tētahi whanaungatanga pakaru, engari me whai wā koe ki ngā wā o ia wā. Kaua e tumanako ka mahi pērā i te tokotoko makutu.
2. Kia pono ina pātaihia koe mō ngā pātai tohutohu whanaungatanga
He maha ngā pātai ka tīmata i te kaupapa tohutohu whanaungatanga. Ka pātai atu te kaitohutohu ki a koe mō ngā take matua i arahi ai koe ki tā rātou tari. Engari hei whakaoti i ō raruraru, me whakarato e koe he nui ngā kōrero ki a rātou. Ki te hiahia koe ki te kite i ngā hua e kitea ana, he mea nui kia whakautua e koe ngā pātai tohutohu whanaungatanga katoa me te pono me te pono.
Kōrerotia ki a rātou te āhua o tō kōrua tūtakitanga, te āhua o tō kōrua whanaungatanga i te tīmatanga, te wā i kino haere ai, me te aha tōu heke mai whāinga tokoruaKa hiahia rātou ki te mōhio ki ō hītori takitahi, mō tō tamarikitanga, mō tō taiohitanga, me tō oranga i mua i tō kōrua whānautanga.
Ka hiahia rātou ki te arotahi ki ngā kaha o tō kōrua whanaungatanga, me te mōhio ki ngā ngoikoretanga. Tērā pea ka hoatu e te kaitohutohu ētahi pātai hei whakautu māu hei aromatawai i ngā take matua kāore pea kōrua ko tō hoa e mōhio ana. Ki te kore kōrua e pono, e kōrero pono hoki i ngā kōrero e tukuna ana e kōrua, tera pea ka whakararuraru koe i te wā katoa o te wānanga.
3. Ka taea e te wāhanga tuatahi o te tohutohu te whakanui ake i ngā take
I roto i te kaunihera marena, he aha ngā mea kāore e tika kia kōrerotia? "Kāore tēnei e mahi ana. Kua wehe atu ahau" he mea tino tika kia karohia e koe. Mā te kaunihera whanaungatanga ka puta ake pea ētahi raruraru i hunaia e koe, ā, ka tino kino pea te tīmatanga.
Tērā pea ka waiho koe kia whakaaro mēnā i tika tāu whakatau ki te whiriwhiri i te kaiārahi whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka hoki anō koe ki aua maharatanga kino me te mauahara e pā ana ki a kōrua. Ina whiriwhiria e ngā tāne me ngā wāhine te te tohutohu mō te marena, kei roto kē te whanaungatanga i tētahi wā tino pōrearea, tino ahotea hoki.
Ina puta mai ētahi atu mea kino mai i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka whakatakotoria ki runga i te tēpu, ka taea e tēnei te whakanui ake i ngā take. Ko ngā kaitohutohu whanaungatanga tino pūkenga ka whakaputa i ngā painga o tēnei āhuatanga mā te aro atu ki te whanaungatanga, kaua ki te tokorua, kia iti ai te whakapae me te riri. Whakawhirinaki ki te tukanga, me te whakapono ki tō kaiwhakaora hinengaro.
4. Te whiriwhiri i te kaiārahi whanaungatanga tika
Kaitohutohu whanaungatanga, Tākuta Aman Bhonsle e kī ana, "He maha ngā wā ka kitea te whakaora hei takai e taea ai e ngā ngākau te whakaora, e taea ai hoki e ngā hinengaro te tūtaki. Heoi anō, tera anō ētahi wā ka huri te whakaora hei – pakanga awaawa momo Pakanga Tuatahi o te Ao, ka pupuhihia ngā pū e te hunga whai wāhi mai i ētahi awaawa huna o te whenua kare ā-roto."
I taua wā, he mea tino nui te whiriwhiri i te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro tika. He maha ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro kei reira, ā, tera pea kua whakangungua katoatia ki ngā tohu hei whakapehapeha, ā, tera pea ka nui rawa ā rātou utu, engari he aha te mutunga iho?
Tērā pea ka puta mai koe i tētahi wā whakaora me te tino kore e makona, me te nui haere o te ahotea. Nā te mea kāore koe i te mōhio, kua taea e tō kaiwhakaora te tautoko i tētahi taha, te tuku i a koe kia whawhai i reira ka whakakorea e koe, ā, ka nui haere te ahotea. i whakahe tetahi ki tetahi, i a rātou e noho ana, e mātakitaki noa ana.
Kāore ngā utu nui e whakarite i te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro pai rawa atu. He huarahi pai ki te kimi i te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro tika ko te tono atu ki ngā hoa, kua tae atu ki te whakaora hinengaro, kia tūtohu mai. Ka taea hoki e koe te tirotiro i ngā whakaaturanga mō ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro. Ko te kimi i tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro he mema nō ētahi whakahaere rongonui, ko te tikanga he tino pono tā rātou mahi.
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5. He aha tā rātou tikanga wawao?
Ko tētahi o ngā pātai nui mō te tohutohu whanaungatanga hei pātai i mua i te tīmatanga o te tukanga ko te huarahi e whakamahia ana e te kaiārahi i roto i te whakaora hinengaro, me te mea e rite ana ā rātou tikanga ki ō take me ō whāinga. Mō ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine, he pai pea te whiriwhiri i tētahi e mahi ana i te whakaora hinengaro mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e arotahi ana ki ngā kare ā-roto, i te tikanga Gottman rānei. Ko ētahi atu ka nui ake te painga mai i te whakaora hinengaro e arotahi ana ki ngā otinga.
Waihoki, tirohia ō rātou hononga me ngā tiwhikete. Hei tauira, ko te noho hei mema mō AAMFT te tikanga kua whai whakangungu pakari rātou, ā, kua oti i a rātou ngā akoranga e hiahiatia ana e whai tohu ai rātou hei kaitohutohu whanaungatanga. He mea nui hoki kia mōhio koe mēnā he koretake, he pai rānei ki te marena tō kaitohutohu whanaungatanga.
Ki te mea he noho kūpapa rātou, ka tukua e rātou ngā wātū tohutohu kia ārahi i a koe ki te wehewehe, engari ki te whakapono rātou he me whakaora te marena Ahakoa te aha, ka whakapau kaha rātou kia mau tonu te marena. Waihoki, ka aro nui te kaitohutohu whanaungatanga pai, ka tuku urupare i te wā e whakahaerehia ana te wānanga, ā, ka wawao i te wā tika. Ka hoatu e rātou he mahi kāinga ki a koe, ā, ka arotakehia tahitia e rātou tō ahunga whakamua i ia wā.
6. Ka ātete koe ki te huringa
Ki te whakaaro koe ka haere koe ki te rongoā hinengaro, ā, ka tere te haere o ngā mea katoa, he hē nui tāu. E kitea ana te kino o te tangata ki ngā huringa e whakaarohia ana e te kaitohutohu i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka tino āwangawanga, ka ātete rānei ki tēnā.
i roto i te pepa Te Whakaroa me te Ātete: Ngā Wero ki te Huringa i roto i te Hinengaro Whakaora, e tuhituhi ana te tohunga hinengaro haumanu a Sare Ucar: Ko te whakaroa e whakamāramahia ana ko te kore e pai, te kore rānei e whai wāhi katoa ki te tukanga āwhina nā te mea kāore e pai ki te huri, ko te ātete ia e pā ana ki te whakahē a ngā kiritaki mō te huarahi huri a ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro.
I tēnei wā, ka noho pea ngā kiritaki hei hunga whakahē, kaua hei hoa mahi tahi ki te hurihanga. Ka ātete te tangata ki te huringa nā te mea kāore rātou e hiahia ki te aro atu ki ō rātou ake kare ā-roto, i te wā rānei e tohutohu ana ka mōhio rātou he taniwha rātou i a rātou e mahi tahi ana me ō rātou hoa.
Ahakoa e whakaae ana rātou ki ā rātou hapa i te wā o te kaunihera whanaungatanga, i te nuinga o te wā kāore rātou e hiahia ki te heke i te ara uaua me te whakarerekē i tō rātou āhua.
Nō reira, ka hiahia pea ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero nui ake, ngana nga tikanga whakatau pakanga, ā, me mahi māia i ā rātou mahi kāinga, engari ki te tūtohu ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro i ētahi huringa ki ō rātou whanonga me ngā tikanga, ka ātete rātou.
Te pānui e pā ana: 8 Ngā Huarahi hei Hono Anō i te Hononga i Muri i te Pakanga Nui
7. Ka haere ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kāore i marena ki te wānanga tohutohu?
Ae, e pena ana rātou, engari he iti iho te tokomaha i ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua marenatia e whiriwhiri ana i te rongoā hinengaro. He maha ake te haere a te hunga Millennials ki te rongoā hinengaro i ō rātou whakatupuranga o mua nā te mea e mōhio ana rātou ki te hiranga o te rongoā hinengaro.
I tēnei wā, e 7% o te katoa o Amerika noho tahi te tauporiNō reira, kua rite ā rātou raruraru ki ngā raruraru o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua mārenatia nā te noho tahi.
Waihoki, he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine taitamariki kāore anō kia marenatia e whakaaro ana he pai ake te whiriwhiri i te kaiārahi whanaungatanga ina tīmata ngā raruraru, ā, ka taea e koe te whakamutu i te wā e tupu ana. E rua marama a Viv rāua ko Gia (kua hurihia ngā ingoa) i roto i te whanaungatanga i te wā i mōhio ai a Gia he tangata kōrero kino ia, ā, he nui hoki ōna raruraru riri.
Kātahi ka werohia e ia a Viv, ā, ka mōhio ia nā te tukino i pā ki a ia i tōna tamarikitanga. I taea e ia te tohe kia whai rongoā takitahi ia, engari i haere rāua ki te whai i te kaunhera whanaungatanga, ā, kei roto rāua i tētahi wāhi pai ake inaianei.
8. Āhea te wā tika ki te tiki tohutohu whanaungatanga?
He pātai nui tēnei e pātaihia ana e te tini o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine. E ai ki tā mātou i kōrero ai i mua ake nei, i kī a John Gottman he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ka tae ki te rongoā hinengaro i muri rawa. He nui te wai kua heke ki raro i te piriti i taua wā, ā, tata kore e taea te kī atu. whakaora i te whanaungatanga ka.
He maha ngā wā ka whakaaro ngā tāne me ngā wāhine he mea noa ngā raruraru e pā ana ki a rāua, ā, ka taea e rāua te whakatika. Engari he mea nui kia whakaae te tāne me te wāhine kei te hē rawa tetahi mea i roto i te whanaungatanga, ā, ko te taahiraa nui e whai ake nei ko te haere ki te kaunhera whanaungatanga.
I te nuinga o te wā, ka haere ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whai wāhi ki te whakawākanga hinengaro ina kore e taea e rāua te whakatau i ngā tautohe, kua heke rānei te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ki te kore, ā, e mārama ana kei te wehe kē rāua.
Te korenga o te tinana me te whakawhanaungatanga kare-a-roto Tērā pea ka ara ake ngā raruraru i roto i te marena. I ētahi wā ka mōhio ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kei te hē tetahi mea i roto i te whanaungatanga engari kāore e taea te whakatau he aha te take, ā, ki te pērā, ka taea e rātou te haere ki te kaunhera whanaungatanga.
9. Ngā tohutohu mō te tohutohu whanaungatanga i mua i te marena
I mua, ka haere te iwi ki te wānanga tohutohu i te wā e raru ana te marena, engari i nāianei he maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e whiriwhiri ana ki te wānanga tohutohu i mua i te marena hei whakapakari i te turanga o te marena.
E hiahia ana rātou ki te karo i ngā hapa i mahia e ō rātou whakatupuranga o mua. Ko tētahi o ngā painga nui o tohutohu i mua i te marena Ka taea e koe te whakakore i ētahi feaa e tūpono ana ki te noho hei take whakararuraru i roto i te whanaungatanga. Hei tauira, tera pea kei te pupuri tonu tetahi hoa i tana hononga ki tana hoa o mua, ā, tera pea kāore tetahi atu hoa e whakaae ki tera i muri i te marena. Ka taea te whakatika i tēnei take.
Ka taea hoki e ngā hoa te kōrero mō tā rātou tirohanga ki ngā tūranga ira tangata i roto i te whanaungatanga, te whakatau mō te tohatoha pūtea me te kōrero mō te whakatū whānau. Hei tauira, tera pea ka hiahia tetahi hoa ki te whānau i te tīmatanga o te marena, ko tetahi atu pea ka hiahia ki te whakamutu i te kawenga.
Kei reira kē ngā riri kino, ā, ki te kore e whakatikahia, ka ara ake pea te āhua kino o tō kōrua marena. Hei tīmatanga, me aro atu ki ngā wāhi ka puta ai he pakanga – he tangata whakapau moni ia, he tangata apo tāne, he nui rawa rānei tana ngongoro, ā, e pai ana ia ki te hauhautanga matao.
Mai i te whanaungatanga piripono ki ngā whakapono whakapono tae atu ki ngā whāinga o te ao, ka taea e koe te tono āwhina i tētahi kaiārahi hei matapaki i ngā mea katoa me te kimi i tētahi otinga i mua i te tīmatanga o tō marena. He tino āwhina anō hoki ngā tohutohu mō te whanaungatanga ka riro i a koe ā muri ake nei.
10. He aha te mahi a te kaiārahi whanaungatanga?
I roto i te 70% o ngā take, ka whakapai ake i ngā whanaungatanga, engari i roto i te 30% o ngā take, ka taea e te tohutohu whanaungatanga te whakamutu i te marena. He maha ngā wā he rerekē ngā kaupapa a ngā tāne me ngā wāhine, arā, ahakoa e hiahia ana tetahi ki te whakaora i te marena, ka uru atu tetahi ki ngā wā whakaora me te kaupapa hei āwhina i a rātou ki te kimi huarahi i waho o te marena.
He mea tēnei e kitea ana e ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro ina whiriwhiri ngā tāne me ngā wāhine ki te whai i te tohutohu whanaungatanga. Nō reira, ina wetewete tonu rātou i ngā here o te whanaungatanga mā te tohutohu, ka mārama haere pea kāore e taea te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. Tērā pea ka hiahia ngā hoa tokorua ki te whai wāhi ki te tohutohu, engari ahakoa tērā, tera pea ka mārama kāore te whanaungatanga e angitu.
He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e mutu ana i tā rātou marena i muri tata mai i te rongoā. I ētahi wā ka haere rātou ki te wehe whakawa engari i te nuinga o te wā, kāore tonu e taea e rātou te whakaora i te whanaungatanga. Nō reira, me whakaae hoki tēnei āhuatanga ina whiriwhiria e te tokorua te whai i te kaunhera whanaungatanga. He tūponotanga tonu ka mutu pea tēnei i te wehenga.
Nā te mea kua mārama ake koe ki te mahi a te tohutohu whanaungatanga me ngā mea ka taea e koe te whakatutuki mai i te tukanga, noho tahi me tō hoa rangatira, ka whakaaroaro nui ki te āwhina e hiahiatia ana e koe hei whakapakari ake, hei whakamana ake hoki i tō whanaungatanga. Mena nā te aukati, nā te herenga wā me te moni rānei, kāore e taea te whai wāhi ki ngā hui kanohi ki te kanohi, ka taea e te tohutohu whanaungatanga ipurangi te whai hua hei huarahi kē atu. Ka taea e koe te whakamahi i ngā ratonga tohutohu utu-pai mai i Ngā kaitohutohu Bonobology rānei he kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana e karapoti ana i a koe mai i te whakamarie me te tūmataitinga o tōu kāinga.
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
KUINKA SAIN EXIN AVIOMEEHENI TAKAISIN LOITSUJEN LAUTAJAN {PAPPI ADU} AVULLA JA HÄNEN JÄLLEENYTTÄMISRAKKAUDEN LOITSUNSA VOIMANA 7 PÄIVÄN SISÄLLÄ. LÄHETÄ HÄNELLE SÄHKÖPOSTIA OSOITTEESEEN ([email tiakina])