Mavuto Opeza Chibwenzi ndi Mwamuna Osiyana Kupyolera mu Chisudzulo

Chodzikanira: Palibe choletsa kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana komanso sitikuganiza kuti mwamuna wopatukana yemwe akusudzulana ayenera kukhala wopanda malire. Komabe sitingathe (ngati inunso) kunyalanyaza mavuto amene amabwera chifukwa cha ubwenzi woterowo. Malingana ngati chisudzulo sichili chomalizira, iye akadali mwamuna wa mkazi wina mwalamulo. Ndikukhulupirira kuti mukumvetsa kuzama kwa mfundoyi. 

Monga akunena, mtima umafuna zomwe umafuna. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukugwa m’chikondi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndipo mukulolera kudumpha chikhulupiriro ndi kumanga naye ubwenzi, tingathe kukupatsani cheke chenicheni. Kodi mumadziona kuti ndinu wamphamvu mokwanira kuti muthane ndi zovuta zonse zamalingaliro, zachuma, zamalamulo, ndi zamagulu zomwe mungakumane nazo panjira? 

Ngati ndi choncho, tili pano kuti tikutsogolereni paulendo wopeza chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana yemwe ali ndi vuto lochepa pazovuta zomwe muyenera kulimbana nazo, mogwirizana ndi mphunzitsi wamalingaliro komanso oganiza bwino. Pooja Priyamvada (wotsimikiziridwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa uphungu wa zibwenzi kunja kwa banja, kupatukana, kupatukana, chisoni ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo zochepa.

Mavuto Opeza Chibwenzi ndi Mwamuna Osiyana

Chimodzi mwazovuta zazikulu za kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana ndi kusatsimikizika kwa malo anu m'moyo wake. Kodi amangofunika thandizo lamalingaliro kuti athe kudutsa gawo lovutali kapena akufunafuna china chake chatanthauzo? Zitha kumveka ngati zowawa kwambiri, koma mwina kwa iye, sichinthu koma kungothamangira pang'ono kuti asasokonezedwe ndi zovuta za moyo wake. Izi ndizovuta kwambiri ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana yemwe amakhala ndi mkazi wake. 

Kusadziŵa kuti akufuna kuti mukhale nawo pa moyo wake pamene akukumana ndi mavuto a chisudzulo kungakuchititseni kuda nkhawa kwambiri. Koma si zokhazo zimene zingakuthandizeni kukhala pachibwenzi ndi anthu opatukana. Ngati apambana udindo wolera ana, kodi ndinu wokonzeka kutenga udindo wawo? Kapena choipitsitsacho, bwanji ngati akufuna kupatsa banja mwayi wina? Ngakhale ziwerengero zikuwonetsa chiwerengero chochepa (13%) cha chiyanjanitso pambuyo pa kupatukana, chikadali chowopsa. 

Mukuwona, pali zambiri zomwe muyenera kuziganizira musanaganize zotengera ubale wanu pamlingo wina. Pooja Iye anati: “Vuto lalikulu ndilo kumvera chisoni mwamuna ameneyu yemwe mwina wakhala akukonda mkazi wina mozama ndiponso mozama monga mmene amakukonderani, mwinanso kuposa pamenepo.” Kodi kudzikonda kwanu kudzakhala kwakukulu moti simungafune kuchita zimenezi? 

"Komanso ayenera kuti anali ndi ubale wovuta kwambiri ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wopatukanayu - atha kukhala ndi ana pamodzi, akanakhala ochita nawo bizinesi / anzawo. Kodi mungathe kusamalira malo awo m'moyo wake mokhwima komanso mwachisomo?

Sitikunena kuti ziyenera kukhala zovuta kwa banja lililonse. Kulankhulana koyenera kungakupulumutseni nthawi zambiri osagona usiku ndikudabwa komwe ubalewu ukupita. Koma kuti wanu ukhale m'modzi mwa nkhani zachipambano za munthu wopatukana, amayenera kumangirira udindo walamulo kuti akhale nanu. Talemba zovuta 9 zokhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana zomwe muyenera kusamala musanamugwere:

1. Kodi iyi ndi mgwirizano weniweni kapena kungobweza?

Ngati mukugwa m'chikondi ndi mwamuna wopatukana yemwe wapatukana posachedwa ndi mkazi wake, ndiye kuti ali pachiwopsezo chachikulu panthawiyi. Pali kusowa koonekera kwa chikondi ndi kumvetsetsana muukwati wake. Mukangolowa m'moyo wake, ndikum'patsa khutu kuti atchule ndikutsimikizira zakukhosi kwake, akhoza kukugwirani ngati munthu womira m'madzi akugwira udzu. Kukhala ndi inu kungakhale chisankho chopumira chifukwa ali pakati pazovuta zamalingaliro pakali pano.

Pooja amagawa bwererani maubale mu magawo 5: pre-rebound, honeymoon, mikangano ndi zenizeni, nostalgia ndi kufananitsa, ndi epiphany. Ndipo maubwenzi osabwereranso amadutsa m'magawo atatu: kusilira, kukopeka / chikondi chokhazikika, ndi kugwirizana.  

Iye anati: “Zizindikiro zimenezi zimakupangitsani kukhala kosavuta kumvetsetsa mtundu wa maubwenzi amene mungayembekezere pamene muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndi kusudzulana.

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2. Kudzipereka sikungakhale mawu mu dikishonale yake tsopano

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndikuti angakhale wokayikira za kudzipereka kwa inu. Kunena zowona, sitingathe kumuimba mlandu chifukwa chochita ngati kudzipereka-phobe pamene akutuluka kulephera kwakukulu kwa ubale. Inde, si nkhani yokambirana mpaka chisudzulo chitatha. Koma ngati muwona akuimitsa dala mapepala, mwinamwake amamvabe kugwirizana ndi mkazi wake wakale.

Mukamufunsa kuti afotokoze za ubalewo, amakhala ndi malingaliro awiri ngati akunyenga wakale wake kapena ayi. A Reddit wosuta amagawana kuti, "Kudikirira kuti munthu apereke chisudzulo ndi gehena. Nkovutadi kukulitsa unansi wanu popeza wakwatirana mwalamulo ndi munthu wina. Muyenera kunena kuti mukufunikira kupuma mpaka atakupatsirani. Ndikuganiza kuti zingafulumizitse ntchitoyi. Pakalipano palibe chomulimbikitsa kukankhira zinthu chifukwa akadali nanu."

3. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana kumabwera ndi katundu wamaganizo

Studies sonyezani kuti nthawi yochira ya chisudzulo ndi pafupifupi miyezi 18. Kotero, ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana akudutsa mu chisudzulo, mwayi ndi wakuti iye alibe kwathunthu padera mu ubale. Njira yachisudzulo imatha kusokoneza thanzi lamunthu. 

Angakhale wotopa kwambiri, m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo, kuti ayambe ubale wina kuyambira pachiyambi. Komanso, mthunzi wa kusokonezeka kwake m'maganizo udzagweranso pa inu. Akhoza kukugwiritsani ntchito ngati thumba loponyera nkhonya kuti mutulutse ululu, kukhumudwa, ndi mkwiyo. Tikudziwa kuti mudalembetsa kuti mukhale ndi chikondi komanso chikondi. M'malo mwake, mutha kukhala dokotala wosavomerezeka wa munthu uyu. 

Pooja akuti, "Ngati nonse muli otsimikiza pano ndikuwona tsogolo laubwenzi wanu, ndiye kuti muyenera kumupatsa nthawi yokonza banja lake lomwe lasokonekera. Izi zingafunike kuthandizidwa kwambiri ndi inu ngati bwenzi lanu komanso nthawi zina komanso upangiri wotayika komanso wothetsa banja. katundu wamalingaliro zikukukhudzani inunso, ndiye kuti mungafunenso thandizo ndi chitsogozo. "

4. Njira zamalamulo zomwe zimatenga nthawi yayitali zimamupangitsa kukhala wotanganidwa

Mukakamba za mavuto omwe amabwera chifukwa cha chibwenzi, ichi ndi chachikulu. Vivian, mtolankhani wa pa TV wazaka zake za m’ma 30, akutiuza zimene zinamuchitikira. Atangoyamba chibwenzi ndi Mark, ankaganiza kuti sangadikire tsiku lina kuti athetse chibwenzi chakecho n’kuyamba kukhala naye. Vivian ankaganiza kuti alembanso mutu wina wa nkhani za “kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana” ndi kutsimikizira aliyense amene anamuuza kuti asamalowe nawo m’chinthu cholakwika.

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“Sindinkadziŵa kuti chisudzulo chidzam’dyera nthaŵi yambiri ndi nyonga. Sitinakhale ndi mpata wokhala tokha nthaŵi yabwino yosasamala. Ngakhale pamene tinali pamodzi, kukambirana kulikonse kunasanduka kukambirana za chisudzulo. Ndinaona tikusiyana pang’onopang’ono. 

Inu mukudziwa momwe nkhondo ya alimony ingakhale yonyansa. Kufunafuna kulera mwana ndi nkhondo ina yokha. Ponseponse, nkhondo yamalamulo imatha kukokera kwa nthawi yayitali, yayitali. Mwachibadwa, adzasokonezedwa ndi zovuta izi. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana kungayese kuleza mtima kwanu m’njira iliyonse. Muyenera kukonzekera zimenezo mwamaganizo. 

5. Kusokonekera kwachuma kudzakhala vuto

Mvetserani ku nkhani ya mmodzi wa oŵerenga athu a ku Florida, “Ndinkadziŵa kuipa kwa kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana. 

Koma poganizira kuti sindinabadwe ndi supuni yasiliva ndipo ndimagwira ntchito molimbika kuti ndipeze zofunika pamoyo, ndimakhulupirira kuti ndikugawana ndalama. mavuto azachuma pa iye. Monga momwe zinaliri kwa inenso. Ndinali ndi ndalama zambiri zogulira zinthu zathu chifukwa nthawi zambiri ankatha kulowamo.”

Pooja anawonjezera kuti: “Chisungiko chandalama n’chofunika kwambiri m’moyo, ndipo ngati akumana ndi vuto, lingakhale vuto lalikulu kwambiri limene mwamuna wolekanitsidwa ndi chibwenzi angakumane nalo.” 

Konzekerani bwino ndalama zanu, mwinamwake kuchepetsa ndalama zowonjezereka ndi kumuchirikiza mmene mungathere.” Ndithudi, kusoŵa ndalama nthaŵi zambiri kungayambitsenso vuto lalikulu m’chibwenzi.

6. Kodi mungachepetseko zinthu?

Kodi mwadabwa? Kunena zoona, sitiri. Ubwenzi uyenera kuyenda pang'onopang'ono monyodola pamene muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana. Banja la munthuyu latha. Iye ndi nkhokwe yolankhula ya nkhawa, kusatetezeka, nkhani za trust, ndi zina. Ngati mungamuvutitse kuti mukakhale ndi banja lanu patchuthi kapena kukambirana za kuchuluka kwa ana omwe mukufuna kukhala nawo, zingakupwetekeni.

Makamaka ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana amene akukhala ndi mkazi wake, angayesetse kuzisunga motsika. Malinga ngati chisudzulo sichidzatha, nkhani zaumwini zoterozo zikhoza kugwiritsiridwa ntchito kukhoti. Iye sangafune kumupatsanso zipolopolo zochulukira kuposa zomwe ali nazo kale. 

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7. Ana adzakhala pamwamba pamndandanda wake wofunika kwambiri

M'dziko labwino, timayamba kukondana ndi munthu wosakwatiwa, wodziimira payekha, wokhazikika m'maganizo ndikukhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Koma moyo weniweni suli kutali ndi loto lautopian limenelo. Apa mutha kumverera mwamphamvu kwa mnyamata yemwe akusudzulana ndikupeza kuipa kwa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana akukuyang'anani pamaso panu. 

Nenani, mukukhala ndi nthawi yabwino kwambiri ndi mwamuna wanu, mutakhala pa cafe yachikondi, mukumwa chokoleti yotentha. Nthawi yomweyo, foni inalira ndipo amapita kukathandiza ana ake ntchito zapakhomo. Nthawi zina, mudzadabwa kudziwona mukupikisana ndi mwana / ana ake kuti azisamala. Koma zonse pachabe, chifukwa zivute zitani, mudzakhala patsogolo pake. 

Ngati ana/amuna ake ndi achichepere, adzakhala ndi chonena mu ubale wanu. Ndipotu, pangakhale kufananiza kosalekeza pakati pa inu ndi amayi awo. Ngakhale pamene zifika kwa ana aang’ono, mudzayenera kuyesayesa zolimba kupanga malo m’mitima yawo. Mulimonsemo, iwo akhoza kukhala olandiridwa kapena kutsanulira chidani pa inu. Pokumbukira izi, yezani masitepe anu mwanzeru kuyambira pano kupita mtsogolo. 

8. Kukhala ndi mkazi wakale pachithunzichi kungakhale kotopetsa 

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana yemwe akukhala ndi mkazi wake kuli ndi chitsenderezo chowonjezereka chochita ndi mwamuna wakale. Kodi mwakonzeka kuthana ndi zotsatira za ubale wake wotentha ndi wozizira ndi mkazi wake wakale? Ngakhale atakhala motalikirana, mayiyu akhoza kukusungani. Akhoza kukuonani ngati munthu amene mungamuwononge kapenanso chifukwa chochititsa kuti ukwati wake ukhale wamavuto.

Muzochitika zosiyana kotheratu, ngati mwamuna wanu wapatukana kwa nthawi yayitali, udani pakati pawo ukhoza kutha tsopano. Mwina, amagawana ubwenzi waubwenzi ndi kholo limodzi ana. Kuwawona iwo ali pafupi kwambiri, kuyang'anira chirichonse pamodzi, nsanje ikhoza kubweretsa mutu wonyansa. Kugwa m'chikondi ndi mwamuna wolekanitsidwa ndi ulendo wovuta monga momwe ziliri ndipo bwenzi lakale limapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuti musamire mu dziwe lachisungiko cha ubale. 

Malingana ndi Pooja, "Kusunga ubale uliwonse ndi njira ziwiri. Mungathe kuchita 50% yanu. Musamalankhule zoipa za iye kwa iye kapena kulikonse. Lemekezani zaka zawo pamodzi. Ngati ali ndi ana, lemekezani malo awo olerera anzawo. Akhoza kumuphonya pamasiku awo apadera, ndizo zachibadwa. Musamutsutse iye."

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9. Angasinthe maganizo ake pankhani ya kusudzulana

Mwina simungakonde kamvekedwe kake koma tiye tikugawireniko asanakuswetseni mtima. Kukhala nanu panthaŵi yopatukana kungam’thandize kukhala wotsegula maso. Pambuyo pake, angazindikire kuti zomwe anali nazo ndi mkazi wake zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri ndipo sali wokonzeka kusiya zimenezo. Ndithu imodzi mwa mbendera zofiira pamene chibwenzi munthu wosiyana. 

Tiyerekeze kuti akusiyani. Komabe, simungachitire mwina koma kuda nkhawa ndi zomwe zikanakhala. Funso ndilakuti: Kodi mungapirire zowawa zotere mpaka liti? kusatetezeka kwa ubale? Chifukwa kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana kupita kuchisudzulo kungakupangitseni kukhalanso chimodzimodzi. 

Puja akuti, "Ubwenzi uliwonse ukhoza kutha nthawi iliyonse. Inde, mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana pali kuthekera kuti akufuna kubwereranso. Muyenera kukambirana naye momasuka. Kodi pali malo oti muyanjanitse? Kukonzekera kwanu pakufunika kotereku kudzadalira yankho lake. Ubale suyenera kukhala wodalirana. Nonse muyenera kukhala pamodzi chifukwa mukufuna. Nthawi zonse khalani okonzekera kusakhazikika. "

Ndi zimenezotu. Zovuta za chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana zaikidwa patebulo. Tsopano zili ndi inu kuunika kuuma kwawo ndikupanga chisankho chanzeru. Mukatifunsa, sitingakuuzeni kuti mukhale okondana kwambiri ndikukhala ndi tsogolo labwino ndi munthu uyu. Osachepera, mpaka mutamva chigamulo chomaliza. 

Ngati nanunso ndizovuta kwa inu, ndiye kuti palibe chifukwa chodera nkhawa. Koma ndibwino kulankhulana zomwe mukuyembekezera kuyambira pachiyambi kuti nonse mugwirizane. Tikukufunirani mphamvu zonse ndi kulimba mtima kuti muthe kulimbana ndi zopingazo ndikufika kumapeto. 

Ibibazo

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