Mavuto Opeza Chibwenzi ndi Mwamuna Osiyana Kupyolera mu Chisudzulo

Chodzikanira: Palibe choletsa kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana komanso sitikuganiza kuti mwamuna wopatukana yemwe akusudzulana ayenera kukhala wopanda malire. Komabe sitingathe (ngati inunso) kunyalanyaza mavuto amene amabwera chifukwa cha ubwenzi woterowo. Malingana ngati chisudzulo sichili chomalizira, iye akadali mwamuna wa mkazi wina mwalamulo. Ndikukhulupirira kuti mukumvetsa kuzama kwa mfundoyi. 

Monga akunena, mtima umafuna zomwe umafuna. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukugwa m’chikondi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndipo mukulolera kudumpha chikhulupiriro ndi kumanga naye ubwenzi, tingathe kukupatsani cheke chenicheni. Kodi mumadziona kuti ndinu wamphamvu mokwanira kuti muthane ndi zovuta zonse zamalingaliro, zachuma, zamalamulo, ndi zamagulu zomwe mungakumane nazo panjira? 

Ngati ndi choncho, tili pano kuti tikutsogolereni paulendo wopita ku chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana ndi mwamuna wake komanso kudziwa mavuto omwe mungakumane nawo, polankhula ndi mphunzitsi wa thanzi la maganizo ndi kusamala Pooja Priyamvada (wovomerezedwa mu Psychological and Mental Health First Aid kuchokera ku Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health ndi University of Sydney), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa zibwenzi zakunja kwa ukwati, kusudzulana, kupatukana, chisoni ndi kutayika, kungotchulapo zochepa chabe.

Mavuto Opeza Chibwenzi ndi Mwamuna Osiyana

Chimodzi mwazovuta zazikulu za kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana ndi kusatsimikizika kwa malo anu m'moyo wake. Kodi amangofunika thandizo lamalingaliro kuti athe kudutsa gawo lovutali kapena akufunafuna china chake chatanthauzo? Zitha kumveka ngati zowawa kwambiri, koma mwina kwa iye, sichinthu koma kungothamangira pang'ono kuti asasokonezedwe ndi zovuta za moyo wake. Izi ndizovuta kwambiri ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana yemwe amakhala ndi mkazi wake. 

Kusadziwa momwe akufunira kuti mulowerere mu moyo wake pamene akukumana ndi mavuto a chisudzulo kungakupangitseni kukhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri. Koma si zokhazo zomwe zili mu mavuto okhudzana ndi chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana. Ngati apambana udindo wa mwana/wamwamuna, kodi muli okonzeka kutenga udindo wawo? Kapena choipa kwambiri, bwanji ngati akufuna kupatsa ukwatiwo mwayi wina? Ngakhale ziwerengero zikusonyeza kuti chiwerengero chochepa (13%) cha kuyanjananso pambuyo pa kupatukana, chikadali chiopsezo.

Mukuona, pali zambiri zoti muganizire musanaganize zopititsa chibwenzi chanu pamlingo wina. Pooja akuti, "Vuto lalikulu ndikukhala ndi chifundo kwa mwamuna uyu amene mwina wakonda mkazi wina kwambiri komanso mwamphamvu monga momwe amakukonderani, mwina kwambiri. Kodi kudzikuza kwanu kudzakhala kokwanira kuti musunge malo a izi?"

"Komanso ayenera kuti anali ndi ubale wovuta kwambiri ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wopatukanayu - atha kukhala ndi ana pamodzi, akanakhala ochita nawo bizinesi / anzawo. Kodi mungathe kusamalira malo awo m'moyo wake mokhwima komanso mwachisomo?

Sitikunena kuti ziyenera kukhala zovuta kwa banja lililonse. Kulankhulana koyenera kungakupulumutseni nthawi zambiri osagona usiku ndikudabwa komwe ubalewu ukupita. Koma kuti wanu ukhale m'modzi mwa nkhani zachipambano za munthu wopatukana, amayenera kumangirira udindo walamulo kuti akhale nanu. Talemba zovuta 9 zokhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana zomwe muyenera kusamala musanamugwere:

1. Kodi iyi ndi mgwirizano weniweni kapena kungobweza?

Ngati mukugwa m'chikondi ndi mwamuna wopatukana yemwe wapatukana posachedwa ndi mkazi wake, ndiye kuti ali pachiwopsezo chachikulu panthawiyi. Pali kusowa koonekera kwa chikondi ndi kumvetsetsana muukwati wake. Mukangolowa m'moyo wake, ndikum'patsa khutu kuti atchule ndikutsimikizira zakukhosi kwake, akhoza kukugwirani ngati munthu womira m'madzi akugwira udzu. Kukhala ndi inu kungakhale chisankho chopumira chifukwa ali pakati pazovuta zamalingaliro pakali pano.

Pooja amagawa maubwenzi obwerezabwereza m'magulu 5 : pre-rebound, honeymoon, mikangano ndi zenizeni, kukumbukiridwa ndi kufananiza, ndi epiphany. Ndipo maubwenzi osabwerezabwereza amadutsa mu zitatu: chilakolako, kukopa/chikondi chokonda kwambiri, ndi kukondana.

Iye anati: “Zizindikiro zimenezi zimakupangitsani kukhala kosavuta kumvetsetsa mtundu wa maubwenzi amene mungayembekezere pamene muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndi kusudzulana.

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2. Kudzipereka sikungakhale mawu mu dikishonale yake tsopano

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana ndikuti angakhale wokayikira za kudzipereka kwa inu. Kunena zowona, sitingathe kumuimba mlandu chifukwa chochita ngati kudzipereka-phobe pamene akutuluka kulephera kwakukulu kwa ubale. Inde, si nkhani yokambirana mpaka chisudzulo chitatha. Koma ngati muwona akuimitsa dala mapepala, mwinamwake amamvabe kugwirizana ndi mkazi wake wakale.

Mukamufunsa kuti afotokoze ubalewo, amaganizira mozama ngati ndi kunyenga chibwenzi chake chakale kapena ayi. Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akunena kuti, "Kuyembekezera munthu kuti apemphe chisudzulo ndi vuto lalikulu. N'zovuta kwambiri kukulitsa ubale wanu chifukwa wakwatirana mwalamulo ndi munthu wina. Muyenera kunena kuti mukufuna nthawi yopuma mpaka atapereka chisudzulo. Ndikuganiza kuti zingafulumizitse njirayi. Pakadali pano palibe chomwe chingamulimbikitse kuti apitilize chifukwa akadali ndi inu."

3. Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana kumabwera ndi katundu wamaganizo

Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti nthawi yochira ya chisudzulo ndi pafupifupi miyezi 18. Chifukwa chake, ngati mukuchita chibwenzi ndi mwamuna amene mwasiyana naye amene akusudzulana, mwina sakudzipereka kwathunthu muukwatiwo. Njira yosudzulana ingawononge thanzi la munthu.

Angakhale wotopa kwambiri, m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo, kuti ayambe ubale wina kuyambira pachiyambi. Komanso, mthunzi wa kusokonezeka kwake m'maganizo udzagweranso pa inu. Akhoza kukugwiritsani ntchito ngati thumba loponyera nkhonya kuti mutulutse ululu, kukhumudwa, ndi mkwiyo. Tikudziwa kuti mudalembetsa kuti mukhale ndi chikondi komanso chikondi. M'malo mwake, mutha kukhala dokotala wosavomerezeka wa munthu uyu. 

Pooja akuti, "Ngati nonse muli otsimikiza mtima ndipo mukuona tsogolo la ubale wanu, ndiye kuti muyenera kumupatsa nthawi yoti akambirane za ukwati wake womwe walephera. Izi zingafunike chithandizo chambiri chamaganizo kuchokera kwa inu monga mnzanu komanso nthawi zina upangiri wa akatswiri pa nkhani ya kutayika ndi kutha kwa ukwati. Ngati katundu wake wamaganizo ukukukhudzaninso, ndiye kuti mungafunikenso thandizo ndi chitsogozo."

4. Njira zamalamulo zomwe zimatenga nthawi yayitali zimamupangitsa kukhala wotanganidwa

Mukakamba za mavuto omwe amabwera chifukwa cha chibwenzi, ichi ndi chachikulu. Vivian, mtolankhani wa pa TV wazaka zake za m’ma 30, akutiuza zimene zinamuchitikira. Atangoyamba chibwenzi ndi Mark, ankaganiza kuti sangadikire tsiku lina kuti athetse chibwenzi chakecho n’kuyamba kukhala naye. Vivian ankaganiza kuti alembanso mutu wina wa nkhani za “kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana” ndi kutsimikizira aliyense amene anamuuza kuti asamalowe nawo m’chinthu cholakwika.

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“Sindinkadziŵa kuti chisudzulo chidzam’dyera nthaŵi yambiri ndi nyonga. Sitinakhale ndi mpata wokhala tokha nthaŵi yabwino yosasamala. Ngakhale pamene tinali pamodzi, kukambirana kulikonse kunasanduka kukambirana za chisudzulo. Ndinaona tikusiyana pang’onopang’ono. 

Mukudziwa momwe ndewu ya alimony ingakhalire yoipa. Kufunafuna ufulu wosamalira mwana ndi vuto lina lokha. Mwambiri, ndewu yamilandu imatha kupitilira kwa nthawi yayitali. Zachidziwikire, adzasokonezedwa ndi mavuto awa. Kupeza chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana ndi mwamuna kungakuyeseni kuleza mtima kwanu m'njira iliyonse yomwe ingatheke. Muyenera kukhala okonzeka pa izi m'maganizo.

5. Kusokonekera kwachuma kudzakhala vuto

Mvetserani ku nkhani ya mmodzi wa oŵerenga athu a ku Florida, “Ndinkadziŵa kuipa kwa kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana. 

"Koma popeza sindinabadwe ndi ndalama zambiri ndipo ndimagwira ntchito molimbika kuti ndipeze zofunika pa moyo, ndimakhulupirira kugawana ndalama. Ndinkadziwa ndalama za loya, kugulitsa katundu wake kuti ndipeze ndalama zothandizira makolo - zonsezi zinkamubweretsera mavuto azachuma . Monga momwe zinalilinso kwa ine. Ndinkayenera kulipira ndalama zambiri chifukwa sankatha kupereka ndalama zambiri."

Pooja anawonjezera kuti: “Chisungiko chandalama n’chofunika kwambiri m’moyo, ndipo ngati akumana ndi vuto, lingakhale vuto lalikulu kwambiri limene mwamuna wolekanitsidwa ndi chibwenzi angakumane nalo.” 

Konzekerani bwino ndalama zanu, mwinamwake kuchepetsa ndalama zowonjezereka ndi kumuchirikiza mmene mungathere.” Ndithudi, kusoŵa ndalama nthaŵi zambiri kungayambitsenso vuto lalikulu m’chibwenzi.

6. Kodi mungachepetseko zinthu?

Kodi mwadabwa? Kunena zoona, sitikudabwa. Ubalewu umayenda pang'onopang'ono kwambiri mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana naye. Ukwati wa munthuyu watha kumene. Iye ndi malo osungira nkhawa, kusadzidalira, nkhani zokhulupirirana , ndi zina zambiri. Ngati mukumukakamiza kuti azikhala ndi banja lanu pa tchuthi kapena kuyesa kukambirana za kuchuluka kwa ana omwe mukufuna kukhala nawo, zingakubweretsereni mavuto.

Makamaka ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana amene akukhala ndi mkazi wake, angayesetse kuzisunga motsika. Malinga ngati chisudzulo sichidzatha, nkhani zaumwini zoterozo zikhoza kugwiritsiridwa ntchito kukhoti. Iye sangafune kumupatsanso zipolopolo zochulukira kuposa zomwe ali nazo kale. 

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7. Ana adzakhala pamwamba pamndandanda wake wofunika kwambiri

M'dziko labwino, timayamba kukondana ndi munthu wosakwatiwa, wodziimira payekha, wokhazikika m'maganizo ndikukhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Koma moyo weniweni suli kutali ndi loto lautopian limenelo. Apa mutha kumverera mwamphamvu kwa mnyamata yemwe akusudzulana ndikupeza kuipa kwa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana akukuyang'anani pamaso panu. 

Nenani, mukukhala ndi nthawi yabwino kwambiri ndi mwamuna wanu, mutakhala pa cafe yachikondi, mukumwa chokoleti yotentha. Nthawi yomweyo, foni inalira ndipo amapita kukathandiza ana ake ntchito zapakhomo. Nthawi zina, mudzadabwa kudziwona mukupikisana ndi mwana / ana ake kuti azisamala. Koma zonse pachabe, chifukwa zivute zitani, mudzakhala patsogolo pake. 

Ngati ana/amuna ake ndi achichepere, adzakhala ndi chonena mu ubale wanu. Ndipotu, pangakhale kufananiza kosalekeza pakati pa inu ndi amayi awo. Ngakhale pamene zifika kwa ana aang’ono, mudzayenera kuyesayesa zolimba kupanga malo m’mitima yawo. Mulimonsemo, iwo akhoza kukhala olandiridwa kapena kutsanulira chidani pa inu. Pokumbukira izi, yezani masitepe anu mwanzeru kuyambira pano kupita mtsogolo. 

8. Kukhala ndi mkazi wakale pachithunzichi kungakhale kotopetsa 

Kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana yemwe akukhala ndi mkazi wake kuli ndi chitsenderezo chowonjezereka chochita ndi mwamuna wakale. Kodi mwakonzeka kuthana ndi zotsatira za ubale wake wotentha ndi wozizira ndi mkazi wake wakale? Ngakhale atakhala motalikirana, mayiyu akhoza kukusungani. Akhoza kukuonani ngati munthu amene mungamuwononge kapenanso chifukwa chochititsa kuti ukwati wake ukhale wamavuto.

Muzochitika zosiyana kwambiri, ngati mwamuna wanu wapatukana kwa nthawi yayitali, udani pakati pawo ukhoza kukhala utachepa tsopano. Mwina, ali ndi ubale wabwino komanso amalera anawo limodzi. Kuwaona ali pafupi kwambiri, akusamalira zonse pamodzi, nsanje ikhoza kuyambitsa mkwiyo. Kukonda mwamuna wopatukana ndi vuto lalikulu ndipo mnzanu wakaleyo amakupangitsani kukhala kovuta kuti musamire mu dziwe la kusadzidalira paubwenzi.

Malingana ndi Pooja, "Kusunga ubale uliwonse ndi njira ziwiri. Mungathe kuchita 50% yanu. Musamalankhule zoipa za iye kwa iye kapena kulikonse. Lemekezani zaka zawo pamodzi. Ngati ali ndi ana, lemekezani malo awo olerera anzawo. Akhoza kumuphonya pamasiku awo apadera, ndizo zachibadwa. Musamutsutse iye."

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9. Angasinthe maganizo ake pankhani ya kusudzulana

Mwina simungakonde kamvekedwe kake koma tiye tikugawireniko asanakuswetseni mtima. Kukhala nanu panthaŵi yopatukana kungam’thandize kukhala wotsegula maso. Pambuyo pake, angazindikire kuti zomwe anali nazo ndi mkazi wake zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri ndipo sali wokonzeka kusiya zimenezo. Ndithu imodzi mwa mbendera zofiira pamene chibwenzi munthu wosiyana. 

Tiyerekeze kuti lingaliro loti akusiyeni silinamufike m'maganizo mwake. Komabe, simungalephere kudera nkhawa ndi zomwe zingachitike ngati. Funso ndilakuti: Kodi mungapirire bwanji mavuto oterewa muubwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali ? Chifukwa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wopatukana amene akusudzulana chingakubweretsereni mavuto omwewo.

Puja akuti, "Ubwenzi uliwonse ukhoza kutha nthawi iliyonse. Inde, mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana pali kuthekera kuti akufuna kubwereranso. Muyenera kukambirana naye momasuka. Kodi pali malo oti muyanjanitse? Kukonzekera kwanu pakufunika kotereku kudzadalira yankho lake. Ubale suyenera kukhala wodalirana. Nonse muyenera kukhala pamodzi chifukwa mukufuna. Nthawi zonse khalani okonzekera kusakhazikika. "

Ndi zimenezotu. Zovuta za chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosiyana zaikidwa patebulo. Tsopano zili ndi inu kuunika kuuma kwawo ndikupanga chisankho chanzeru. Mukatifunsa, sitingakuuzeni kuti mukhale okondana kwambiri ndikukhala ndi tsogolo labwino ndi munthu uyu. Osachepera, mpaka mutamva chigamulo chomaliza. 

Ngati nanunso ndizovuta kwa inu, ndiye kuti palibe chifukwa chodera nkhawa. Koma ndibwino kulankhulana zomwe mukuyembekezera kuyambira pachiyambi kuti nonse mugwirizane. Tikukufunirani mphamvu zonse ndi kulimba mtima kuti muthe kulimbana ndi zopingazo ndikufika kumapeto. 

Ibibazo

Moyo Pambuyo pa Chisudzulo - Njira 15 Zomangirira Kuyambira Poyambira Ndikuyambanso Mwatsopano

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Njira 8 Zochezera Zamagulu Ndi Chisudzulo Ndi Zolumikizana

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