"Inde, ndinavutika kwambiri. Koma sizili ngati mapeto a dziko ndipo sindili amene ndili." - Wosewera Ben Affleck pa nkhani ya Kusudzulana
Chisudzulo chikhoza kukhala cha mitundu iwiri - yonyansa ndi yowawa kapena yosalala komanso yopanda mikangano. Makumi asanu ndi anayi ndi asanu pa zana aliwonse a milandu ya chisudzulo ali m’gulu loyamba. Ena onse mwina akunama! Yesani momwe mungathere, moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo suli wophweka monga momwe anthu ena amakonda kumveketsa. Kuyambiranso pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndikumanga moyo kuchokera pachiwopsezo kungakhale chiyembekezo chowopsa komanso chodetsa nkhawa, chifukwa cha katundu wakale.
Okwatirana angapeze mtendere pambuyo pake koma ndondomeko ndi zotsatira za ubale sizikuyenda bwino. Pali zowawa, pali ndewu, mkwiyo ndi mikangano - zonse zomwe pamapeto pake zimabweretsa tsiku ndi makhothi. Ndiyeno, nkhondo yachisudzulo ikatha, pamakhala kusungulumwa kulimbana nako.
Mosiyana ndi kutha kwa chiyanjano, chisudzulo, kupatula kusokonezeka maganizo, kumaphatikizapo zolemba zambiri. Choncho, ngati mukuona kuti ukwati wanu ndi wovuta, ingoyesani moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo - ndizosiyana ndi zomwe mungakhale nazo chifukwa cha kusiyanasiyana kwa malingaliro omwe mumakumana nawo.
Kodi Ndiyenera Kuchita Chiyani Ndi Moyo Wanga Pambuyo Kusudzulana?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi mungamange bwanji moyo pambuyo pa kusudzulana? Kodi pali moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo? Kodi ndingayambe bwanji kutola zidutswa ndikuyambanso? Mafunso awa amangoyang'ana amuna ndi akazi ambiri akamaliza kulemba ndi kupukuta fumbi. Pakhoza kukhala kusungulumwa kosakanikirana ndi mpumulo wachilendo, makamaka ngati mwapeza ufulu pambuyo pa nkhondo yoyipa.
Komabe, kaya ikhale yachisomo kapena yowawa, moyo wanu wapambuyo pa chisudzulo udzakhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi womwe munapatukana kale. Ndipo zili ndi inu chomwe mukufuna kuti chikhale. Dr. Sapna Sharma, mphunzitsi wa moyo ndi mlangizi, akufunsa funso losavuta, "Mutatha kusudzulana, dzifunseni zomwe mwasankha - kukwiyira omwe adakupweteketsani ndi mavuto kapena moyo watsopano. Njira yanu yothanirana idzadalira yankho lomwe mwasankha."
Ngati ndinu wosudzulana ndipo mumaopa funso lakuti - choti muchite mutasudzulana - dziwani kuti mawu akuti D si mapeto a dziko (monga momwe Ben Affleck akunenera). M'malo mwake, kungakhale chiyambi chatsopano. Inde, kudabwa kukhalanso wosakwatiwa kungakukhudzeni koma uwu ukhoza kukhala mwayi wanu wachiwiri wokonza zolakwika zakale ndikukhala moyo womwe mumalakalaka nthawi zonse. Kuyika chiyembekezo chanu pa chiyambi chatsopano ndi njira imodzi yopezera mtendere mutasudzulana.
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Njira 15 Zomangira Moyo Wanu Ndikuyambanso Mwatsopano
Tsoka ilo, sipangakhale yankho lachidule ku funso la 'zoyenera kuchita pambuyo pa chisudzulo'. Nkhani iliyonse yolekana ndi yosiyana ndipo moyo watsopano pambuyo pa chisudzulo umene mukuyembekezera kudzakhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi wa ena amene ali mumkhalidwe wofananawo. Mwachitsanzo, moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndi mwana ukhoza kukhala wosiyana kwambiri ndi wa munthu amene alibe mwana. Mofananamo, ngati kubera kunapereka imfa ya ukwati, moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo mmene wosakhulupirikayo amauonera ndi mmene amene anaberedwa amawonera ungakhale wosiyana kwambiri.
Ndiye, ngati kutha kwa banja kumatanthauza kumasuka ku nkhanza, kupeza mtendere pambuyo pa chisudzulo kungakhale kosavuta kuposa momwe zingakhalire ngati ubale wanu sunali wapoizoni kapena wosagwira ntchito. Kotero, momwe mungayambirenso pambuyo pa chisudzulo zimatengeranso mtundu wa banja lomwe mukutulukamo.
Kupatula apo, muyenera kusankha moyo umene umagwira ntchito mwabwino kwambiri, zomwe zimadalira zinthu zambiri - chithandizo cha banja, kudziyimira pawokha pazachuma, udindo wa ana, ntchito ndi zina. Komabe, zirizonse zovuta zomwe zingakhalepo, muli ndi ufulu woyika zakale kumbuyo kwanu ndikulandira tsogolo latsopano. Kusudzulana kungakhale kulakwa koma osati kulephera. Nazi njira zina zomwe mungadziwire kuti mwakwanitsa zonse ndikuwongolera mavuto pambuyo pa chisudzulo kuti mumangenso moyo wanu:
1. Dzipatseni nthawi yokwanira yolira
Imfa ya ukwati ingakuvutitseni. Koma muyenera kudzipatsa nthawi yoti muchire. Musachite chilichonse mwachangu, m'malo mwake, yang'anani pa kubweretsa bata m'moyo wanu pambuyo pa mphepo yamkuntho. Yesani kupyola mu malingaliro onse otsutsana ngakhale mutakhala ndi chisoni kapena kutayika. Ndithudi pemphani thandizo la katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito komanso wodziwa bwino ntchito panthawiyi kuti akuthandizeni kuthetsa malingaliro anu kudzera mu uphungu.
Pamene ukwati wa Marsha wa zaka 15 unatha, sanadziŵe mmene angayambirenso chisudzulo chake. Ana atanyamula chisa ndipo ntchito yake inali itakwera kwambiri, iye anavutika kuti apeze cholinga ndikuyamba kuthawira kumwa mowa. Pakuumirira kwa mwana wake wamkazi, pomalizira pake anapempha thandizo mwa kupita kuchipatala.
Kudzilola kuti amve kuchuluka kwa malingaliro ake - kuchokera ku mkwiyo kupita kuchisoni ndi chisoni - pamaso pa katswiri wachifundo ndi wophunzitsidwa bwino kunali kusintha kwa iye.
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2. Sinthani maganizo anu mwachibadwa
Chisudzulo ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zovuta kwambiri kupitilira ngakhale ndizofala kwambiri. Simusankha kusudzulana mukadzalowa m'banja! “Chotero chilichonse chimene mungamve mutapatukana chili choyenera,” akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Paul Jenkins.
"Kukhala ndi malingaliro ngati momwe mukumvera pazochitika zachilendo kudzakuthandizani kuti musamachite misala kwambiri." Mwachidule, dzichepetseni pamene mukukonzekera moyo wanu pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Mwachitsanzo, kwa Marsha, kunali kulephera kukhala pansi ndi malingaliro ake kumene kunali kumulepheretsa kuyesetsa kukonzanso moyo pambuyo pa kusudzulana.
3. Onetsetsani kuti zenizeni zanu zasanjidwa
Ngakhale kuti mapangano anu achisudzulo angakhale ndi zakuda ndi zoyera, khalani omveka bwino komanso odziwa zonse, zovomerezeka, ufulu ndi maudindo.
Komwe mungakhale mutasudzulana, kodi ufulu wochezera ana ndi wotani, ndalama zomwe muyenera kulandira kapena kupereka, kugawa katundu ndi zina zotero. Mukangothetsa mavutowa, ndi pomwe mungayang'ane kwambiri pa moyo wanu mutasudzulana. Landirani malangizo anzeru a kusudzulana ndi kuthetsa vutoli.
4. Dzipangeni nokha Nambala 1 patsogolo
Titakhala limodzi ndi munthu kwa kanthawi, tsopano ndi nthawi yoti muwuluke panokha. Musachite mantha ndi ganizoli. Taganizirani izi: Kwa zaka zingapo, mwina mwaika zofuna za mnzanuyo pamwamba pa zanu. Ino ndi nthawi yoti mudzipangire kukhala patsogolo.
Zosowa zanu, zokhumba zanu, mantha anu, ndi zofooka zanu zomwe zimatenga malo oyamba - zithetseni. Mudzayamikira pambuyo pake. Kuti mupeze mtendere mutatha kusudzulana ndikuyamba njira yokonzanso moyo wanu, muyenera kuphunzira kudzikonda . Pachifukwa ichi, ndikofunikira kusiya kudziona ngati theka la ubale wosweka ndikudziyang'ananso nokha.
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5. Pangani ndalama mosamala
Mukangoyamba moyo watsopano mutatha kusudzulana zonse zitakhazikika, ndalama ndi chinthu choyamba chomwe muyenera kukhazikitsa. Ikani ndalama mwanzeru ndikuphunzira momwe mungasamalire mbiri yanu. Si sayansi ya rocket, ndi gawo chabe la moyo lomwe muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti muzitha kukhala paokha popanda kusokonezedwa. Ndi ndalama zanu tsopano, muyenera kusamalira ndi kukhala ndi udindo pa izo.
Kuyambanso pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndikumanganso moyo wanu kumakhala kosavuta kwambiri mukakhala ndi ndalama. Chifukwa chake, khalani ndi ndalama zokafika kumeneko.
6. Musanyengerere mfundo zanu
Kaya ululu umene umabwera chifukwa cha kugawikana kwanu ukhale wotani, musapatuke pa mfundo zanu zazikulu. Khalani olondola ngakhale ukwati wanu utakhala wolakwika. “Musasankhe kukhala wankhanza kapena wodana, ndicho chimene chimabweretsa chisudzulo choipa komanso malingaliro oipa pambuyo pake,” akutero Jenkins. Sankhani makhalidwe abwino monga chimwemwe, chimwemwe ndi chisomo m'malo mwa zoipa, mkwiyo ndi chidani . Khalani olimba panjira yanu yolungama.
7. Pezani anzanu atsopano
Moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo kwa mkazi ukhoza kukhala ndi zovuta zachilendo. Kuchokera kwa amuna kukumenyani chifukwa akuganiza kuti mulipo kwa abwenzi apabanja omwe amakupewani chifukwa choopa kuti amuna awo angakuwoneni, pali zambiri zomwe zimachitika. Ngati simumasuka kukhala ndi anthu otero, atayani! Pezani anzanu SINGLE atsopano omwe angakuthandizeni kuti mubwererenso.
Kupatula apo, ngati munakhala m'banja kwa nthawi yayitali, pali mwayi woti macheza anu ndi omwe muli nawo kale asakanikirana. Kubwereza maulaliki akale kungapangitse kuchiritsa mabala kukhala kovuta kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti simuyenera kusiya anzanu onse akale, yesani kupanga macheza atsopano omwe alibe mbiri yakale.
8. Kondwerani kusakwatira kwanu
Zitha kukhala zosamveka kudzuka nokha osakhala ndi wina woti muzikangana naye kapena kukhumudwa nazo, koma uwu ndi mwayi wanu wokondwerera kukhala osakwatiwanso. Onetsetsani kuti kukhala nokha sikupangitsa kuti mukhale osungulumwa. Konzani ulendo ndi anzanu ena osakwatiwa, lembani magulu okumana, yesetsani kutuluka ndikukhala ndi moyo wocheza. Posachedwa muyamba kuzikonda. Kukhala m’banja lopanda chimwemwe kungakhale kovuta koma kukhala wosakwatiwa mosangalala kungakhale kosangalatsa.
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9. Fufuzani maubwenzi atsopano…
...koma pewani chibwenzi chopanda nzeru. Moyo wa mwamuna pambuyo pa chisudzulo, makamaka, ungawoneke ngati mwayi wopanda malire wochita chibwenzi chokhazikika. Pali kusiyana pakati pa chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi , mvetsetsani zimenezo. Ngakhale kuti ndi lingaliro labwino kusalowa muubwenzi wakuya komanso wolimba kwa kanthawi, kupita ku china chopitirira muyeso sikungagwire ntchito. Kungakusocheretseni kwathunthu. Musagwiritse ntchito njira za akazi ambiri kuti mugonjetse mkazi mmodzi.
Izi zimakhala zofunika kwambiri ngati mukuyesera kupitirizabe ndi moyo mutasudzulana ndi mwana. Zibwenzi zambiri zatsopano ndi zibwenzi zimatha kukhala zosokoneza komanso zosokoneza kwa mwanayo, yemwe angakhale akuyamba kale kukhumudwa chifukwa cha kupatukana kwa makolo awo.
10. Samalani ndi zomwe mumanena kwa mwana wanu
Mwana akamachita nawo sewero, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri. Mosasamala kanthu za amene apambana pankhondo yosunga mwana, moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo ndi mwana ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri. Samalani ndi ana anu pamene mukusudzulana. Samalani kuti ana/ana asatengeke ndi zowawa. Kaya mumamva bwanji kwa wakale wanu, musalole kuti ana anu asamamukonde. Apatseni chithunzi chenicheni, koma atetezeni ku chidani.
Mayi wina dzina lake Jigyasa, yemwe akulera yekha ana, anati: “Kuti muyambitsenso moyo wanu pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi mwana, m’pofunika kwambiri kukambirana ndi anawo ndi kuwakonzekeretsa chisudzulo chisanathe.” Ngati chisudzulo chili mwamtendere, okwatiranawo ayenera kusonyeza kuti banja ndi limene likusudzulana osati makolo.
“Panthawiyi n’kofunika kukambirana ndi anawo za mwayi woti tipeze munthu wokwatirana naye watsopano.” Ayenera kumvetsa kuti kuchita zimenezi si kudzikonda ayi, koma kofunika kwa anthu ndipo sizikutanthauza kuti adzagawana kapena kugaŵana chikondi.” “Mwana wanga, yemwe tsopano ali ndi zaka 14, anandiuza pafupifupi zaka zinayi m’mbuyomo kuti: ‘Maa, ukafuna wokwatirana naye, sindikufunanso mwamuna, koma ndilibenso bambo. Kukhwima maganizo koteroko ndi kumvetsetsa kungabwere kokha pamene makolo achita mkhalidwe wovuta umenewu mwanzeru.”
11. Dziyambirenso
Kwa nthawi yayitali mwakhala ndi dzina lanu - mkazi kapena mwamuna wa XYZ. Popeza dzina limenelo sililiponso, ino ndi nthawi yanu yoti musinthenso umunthu wanu wamkati. Lumbirani kuti mupange moyo wanu pambuyo pa chisudzulo kukhala gawo lopindulitsa kwambiri. Lowani nawo maphunziro atsopano, phunzirani maluso atsopano, tsatirani zilakolako zomwe munkakonda kuyika kumbuyo. Ino ndi nthawi yomanganso moyo wanu pambuyo pa chisudzulo.
Kudziyambitsanso sikuyenera kukhala kopitilira muyeso komanso musayembekezere kuti kusintha kuchitike mwadzidzidzi. Chofunikira ndikuyika ndalama popanga masinthidwe ang'onoang'ono tsiku lililonse kuti mutha kuwona kusiyana kwakukulu pamoyo wanu pakapita nthawi.
12. Musalole kuti zaka zikulepheretseni
Kunena zowona, okwatirana anthaŵi yaitali amene amadzipeza akuyambanso chisudzulo ali ndi zaka 40 kapena pambuyo pake, ali ndi mavuto owonjezereka a masinthidwe kuposa awo osudzulana achichepere. Koma kumbukirani kuti zaka ndi nambala chabe.
M'malo momangoganizira za momwe mudatayira zaka zanu zabwino kwambiri chifukwa cha ukwati woipa, sangalalani ndi mphindi iliyonse ya moyo wanu watsopano. Yang'anani tsiku lililonse ngati mwayi woti mukhale ndi moyo womwe mumafuna. Anthu ena ali m'mabanja achiwiri osangalala atatha zaka 40. Chinsinsi choyambanso pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndikumanganso mbali iliyonse ya moyo wanu - kaya ntchito yanu kapena moyo wanu wachikondi - ndikudzimatula ku malingaliro omwe munali nawo kale okhudza momwe zinthu ziyenera kukhalira pamlingo winawake wa moyo.
13. Pang’ono ndi pang’ono phunzirani kukhala wodziimira payekha komanso mwadongosolo
Ili ndi vuto lomwe amuna amakumana nalo nthawi zambiri. Moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo kwa amuna opitilira zaka 40 nthawi zina ungatanthauze kubwerera mwadzidzidzi ku ubwana. Mukadakhala ndi moyo wabanja wamba, nyumba yokhazikika, chizolowezi ndi zina, kusintha komwe kumadza chifukwa chapatukana kumatha kukhala kodetsa nkhawa.
Phunzirani kuthana ndi kusudzulana monga mwamuna mwa kukhala wokonzeka bwino ndikuphunzira ntchito zapakhomo zomwe mwina munkagwira ndi mkazi wanu, ngakhale mutawada.
14. Konzekerani kutaya anzanu
Izi zili ndi kulumikizana kwachindunji ku mfundo 7. Mu chisudzulo, mabwenzi wamba nthawi zambiri amagwidwa mu sewero ndipo amakakamizika kutenga mbali. Musadabwe ngati simukuitanidwa chifukwa chakuti mnzanuyo angakhalepo ndipo mnzanuyo sakufuna kuchita manyazi.
Eya, ndicho chifukwa chake, m'moyo pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kukumana ndi anthu atsopano ndikusintha maubwenzi omwe mwakhala nawo kale. Si bwino kupitiriza kucheza ndi anzanu akale. Kuti mupeze mtendere pambuyo pa kusudzulana, muyenera kukhala okonzeka kusiya zinthu zina osati ukwati wanu wokha.
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15. Dzikhululukireni nokha
Simudzatha kupitiriza ngati simudzikhululukira nokha. Kudzifufuza mozama za kusweka kwa ukwati kudzavumbulanso zolakwa zanu koma osadzipweteka nokha. Zinthu zimasokonekera m'moyo, pamapeto pake mumapanga zisankho zolakwika. Koma musaone kusudzulana ngati kulephera. Dzikhululukireni nokha ndi mnzanu ndipo pangani chiyambi chatsopano.
Chofunikira chopitilira chisudzulo ndikuti musapange wakale wanu kapena ukwati wanu kukhala zonse ndi kutha kwa moyo wanu wonse. Yesani ndikuwerengera madalitso omwe muli nawo ndipo yesetsani kukwaniritsa zinthu zonse zomwe zili pa mndandanda wa ndowa zanu. Mtambo uliwonse uli ndi mzere wasiliva ndipo ndi njira yokhayo yomwe mungawonere kuwala.
Ibibazo
Ngati munali m’banja loipa kapena lachipongwe, moyo ungakhaledi wabwinoko pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Koma zimatengera momwe mumaonera izi komanso momwe mukufunira kukhala ndi moyo pambuyo pa kusudzulana - ndi mkwiyo ndi chidani kapena motsimikiza kusiya zakale.
Moyo pambuyo pa chisudzulo suli wopepuka, makamaka ngati mwakhala mukumenya nkhondo kwanthaŵi yaitali kuti musayinidwe mapepala. Ngakhale m’zisudzulo zomwe sizili zonyansa, chitsogozo cha kupatukana chingakhale chosakondweretsa. Chotero mosapeŵeka, padzakhala ululu. Ndipo izi zikutanthawuza momwe mungapitirire pambuyo pa chisudzulo.
Mwamtheradi. Chikondi nthawi zonse chimayenera mwayi wachiwiri kapena wachitatu. Mutha kupeza chikondi nthawi zonse ngati muli omasuka nacho. Chisudzulo sichiyenera kukhala njira yothetsera kufunafuna maubwenzi abwino. M’malo mwake, chokumana nachocho chingakulepheretseni kuchita zolakwa zimene munapanga poyamba.
Kusudzulana nthawi zonse ndi chisankho chabwino kuposa ukwati wosasangalala chifukwa mumayenera kukhala osangalala ndipo ngati ukwati wanu sukukulemeretsani kapena kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wangwiro, muli ndi ufulu wotuluka. Sizidzakhala zophweka koma zidzakhala bwino kwa aliyense.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
