N'chifukwa Chiyani Wachinyengo Adzaberanso?

M’mavinidwe ovuta a chikondi ndi maunansi, kaŵirikaŵiri timadzipeza ife eni tikusuntha kuchoka ku kusakhulupirika kupita ku chikhululukiro. Kuchiritsa zilonda zakusakhulupirika, kukonzanso chikondi ndi kudalirana, ndi kuperekanso mwayi wachiwiri m’chikondi: Izi ndi zinthu zowawa zimene munthu amachitira munthu amene amabera. Anthu ambiri akasocheretsedwa ndi anthu amene amawakonda, mungadabwe kuti n’chifukwa chiyani munthu wachinyengo angayambenso kubera chifukwa chodziwa mmene anapwetekera poyamba. Kodi mawu akuti “wachinyengo nthaŵi zonse amakhala wachinyengo” n'zoonadi?

Mu rollercoaster ya chikondi, kudalira ndi tikiti yagolide. Koma ngati zaphwanyidwa chifukwa chobera muubwenzi, kodi mutha kuzibwezeretsanso? Kodi anthu ena ali ndi chizoloŵezi chobadwa nacho chachinyengo, kapena pali zovuta zamaganizidwe zomwe zimaseweredwa? Lowani nafe pamene tikuyesa kuthetsa vuto la kusakhulupirika lero.

Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wazamisala Nandita Rambhia (M.Sc. Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa CBT, REBT, ndi uphungu wa anthu okwatirana, tidzalowa mu psyche of cheaters. Tiyeni tifufuze zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa zilakolako ndi zilakolako zawo, ndi zovuta za mbiriyakale zimadzibwereza.

Kodi Ndi Zoona “Munthu Wachinyengo Nthawi Zonse Amakhala Wachinyengo?”

Mwina munamvapo mawu akale akuti “Munthu wachinyengo nthawi zonse amakhala wachinyengo” akukambidwa pokambirana za kusakhulupirika. Ndi mawu ogwira mtima omwe akusonyeza kuti ngati wina wanyenga muubwenzi wawo wakale, amayenera kubwereza khalidwe losakhulupirika mu ubale wawo wotsatira. Koma kodi mfundo imeneyi ndi choonadi chapadziko lonse lapansi, kapena ndi lingaliro losavuta kwambiri la nkhani yovuta kwambiri? Kodi wachinyengo angakhale wokhulupirika pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika koyamba? Kodi pali zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti adzaberanso? Zitha bwanji kupulumuka kusakhulupirika mu ubale? Awa ndi ena mwamafunso omwe tikambirane pokambirana za kusakhulupirika mu maubwenzi achikondi komanso momwe tingathanirane ndi chigololo cha mnzako.

Tikamafufuza mozama za kusakhulupirika, posachedwapa tidzazindikira kuti funsoli liribe yankho limodzi lokha. Khalidwe laumunthu ndi lodabwitsa ndi zidutswa zosawerengeka, ndipo kusakhulupirika ndi chimodzi mwa izo. Anthu amasintha, mikhalidwe imasintha, ndipo maubwenzi amasintha mosayembekezereka, nthawi zina zimatsogolera kuzinthu zingapo komanso maubwenzi obwera chifukwa chakubera.

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Kodi Anthu Ochita Chinyengo Akhoza Kuberanso?

M’dziko limene kusakhulupirika m’zibwenzi n’kofala, ili ndi funso limene limachititsa akatswiri a zaubwenzi ndiponso okwatirana kukhala otanganidwa ndi kuganiza kuti: Kodi anthu onyenga sachedwa kubwerezanso kusakhulupirika kwawo? Tiyeni tiyese ndikumvetsetsa funsoli bwino kudzera mu lens la ziwerengero ndi deta, kufufuza mwayi wa kusakhulupirika kwamtsogolo ndi cholinga chachinyengo.

• Osintha onyenga ziwerengero: Kodi pali mwayi wotani kuti wachinyengo achitenso zachinyengo? Malinga ndi kafukufuku, mozungulira 25% ya anthu omwe amabera muubwenzi umodzi adzanyenga wina wawo. Izi zikusonyeza kuti ngakhale pali mwayi waukulu wobwereza, ndizotalikirana ndi chitsimikizo. Izi zikuyenera kukupatsani chiyembekezo ngati muli panjira yothana ndi kusakhulupirika m'banja
• Makhalidwe a anthu onyenga: Akatswiri a zamaganizo apenda za umunthu wa onyenga. Research kuchokera Makhalidwe Athu ndi Psychology Bulletin amanena kuti anthu omwe ali ndi umunthu wina, monga narcissism kapena chizoloŵezi chofuna zosangalatsa, amatha kubwereza khalidwe lawo lachinyengo.
• Ubale wabwino pambuyo pa kunyenga: Journal of Sex Research wafufuza mphamvu za maubwenzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Chodabwitsa n'chakuti, maanja ena amanena kuti maubwenzi awo akuyenda bwino pambuyo pa zochitika zachinyengo, ndikuganiziranso za kulankhulana ndi kudzipereka. Izi zimachepetsa chiopsezo cha kuperekedwa kwambiri

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Ndiye chigamulo chake nchiyani? Chabwino, n’zachionekere kuti mwambi wakuti “kamodzi wachinyengo, nthawizonse wachinyengo” ndi mopambanitsa nkhani yovuta koma si kwenikweni zoona, kutisiya ife kusinkhasinkha ngati kukhulupirira bwenzi pambuyo chigololo ndi zotheka. Monga Nandita imati, “Kuthekera kwa chigololo cham’mbuyo kubwerezedwanso kumasiyanasiyana kwambiri kwa munthu ndi munthu, malinga ndi mikhalidwe yawo ndi mikhalidwe yaunansi.”

Zifukwa 7 Zosakhulupirika Seri

Takulandilani pamtima pa nkhaniyi, pomwe timawulula zamaganizo ochititsa chidwi omwe amayambitsa kusakhulupirika kwanthawi zonse. Ngakhale kuti anthu ena amatha kubera kamodzi koma osabwerezanso, ena amapezeka kuti ali m'chizoloŵezi cha kusakhulupirika mobwerezabwereza. Kodi ndi chiyani chomwe chimachititsa kuti anthu achinyengowa azisweka mitima ndi kukhulupirirana mobwerezabwereza?

Nandita anati: “Achiwembu ambiri amakhala osadziletsa komanso odzikonda. kukumana ndi narcissist. Iwo amasangalalanso ndi luso lachinyengo n’kusiya chinyengo.” Izi zikunenedwa, tiyeni tifufuze zifukwa zisanu ndi ziwiri zomveka bwino zomwe zimawunikira khalidwe lodabwitsali.

1. Munthu wongofuna zosangalatsa angayambenso kufuna kunyenganso

Kusakhulupirika kwa seri kumatha kuyendetsedwa ndi umunthu wofunafuna zosangalatsa. Anthu ena amafunitsitsa kulakalaka zachilendo komanso zosangalatsa m'miyoyo yawo, ndipo kwa iwo, kubera kumapereka kuthamanga kwamphamvu kwa adrenaline. Lingaliro lozemba mozemba, kusunga maubwenzi angapo achinsinsi, ndikuyesa mosalekeza malire a mgwirizano wawo woyamba amakhala masewera osangalatsa. Chisangalalo chimenechi chimafika poipa kwambiri, ndipo woberayo angakupeze kukhala kovuta kukana kukopeka ndi mipikisano yatsopano.

2. Zingakhale chifukwa cha kusowa kukhutitsidwa kwamalingaliro

Chibwenzi nthawi zambiri chimayamba chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwakuya mkati mwa ubale woyamba wa wonyengayo. Atha kudzimva kukhala osalumikizana, osakwaniritsidwa, kapena kunyalanyazidwa m'malingaliro, ndikufunafuna chitonthozo, ubwenzi, kapena kulumikizana kwamalingaliro kunja kwa mgwirizano wawo. Mchitidwe wachinyengo ungapereke mpumulo wamalingaliro kwakanthaŵi, kupangitsa woberayo kumva kuti ndi wokhumbidwa, wofunika, ndi womvetsetsedwa ndi mnzawo wakunja kwa banja. Kukwaniritsidwa kwamalingaliro uku, ngakhale kwakanthawi, kumakhala njira yothanirana ndi kusakhutira mu ubale wawo wapano.

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3. Ngati wina akubera nthawi zonse, akhoza kukhala ndi vuto lodzipereka

Kudzipereka kwa phobia kumatha kukhala chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pakusakhulupirika kwanthawi zonse. Anthu ena amawopa lingaliro la maubwenzi okhazikika kwa nthawi yayitali ndi maudindo omwe amabwera nawo. Chiyembekezo chokhazikika ndi munthu m’modzi kwa moyo wawo wonse chingayambitse nkhaŵa ndi kusakhazikika, kumapangitsa kukhala kovuta kwa iwo kukhalabe okhulupirika. Kuopa kudzipereka kumeneku kungayambitse kusakhulupirika kwinaku akusiya wokondedwayo akufunsa ngati mnzake wosakhulupirika angasinthe kuchoka ku kudzipereka kwachinyengo-phobe kupita kwa wonyenga wosinthika (ngati chinthu choterocho chilipo).

4. Kodi chimapanga serial cheat ndi chiyani? Kusatetezeka kwambiri komanso kufunikira kotsimikizira

Kusakhulupirika kwa seri kumatha kuyendetsedwa ndi kusatetezeka kozama komanso kufunikira kosalekeza kotsimikizika. Anthu ena amadziona kuti ndi osafunika ndipo amakhulupirira kuti si oyenera kukondedwa kapena kusamalidwa. Kubera kumakhala njira yolimbikitsira iwo kudziyang'anira pansi kwakanthawi. Pochita nawo maubwenzi angapo, amatha kupeza chitsimikiziro chakunja ndikutsimikizira zomwe akufuna. Chisamaliro ndi chikondi chomwe amalandira kuchokera kwa anthu ambiri ogonana nawo pamene akugonana kunja kwa banja kumakhala ngati njira yothetsera maonekedwe awo osalimba.

5. Kuthawa mavuto a ubale kungayambitse zolakwika zomwezo mobwerezabwereza

M'malo molimbana ndi kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe zili mkati mwa ubale wawo woyamba, ena onyenga ambiri amagwiritsa ntchito kusakhulupirika ngati njira yopulumukira. Mavuto a ubale, monga nkhani zoyankhulirana, zosayenera njira zothetsera mikangano, kapena zilakolako zosakhutiritsidwa za kugonana zingawasonkhezere kufuna chitonthozo m’manja mwa ena. Chisangalalo cha ubale watsopano chimawasokoneza ku zovuta zomwe amakumana nazo kunyumba, kupereka mpumulo kwakanthawi. Komabe, njira yopulumukirayi imangopititsa patsogolo kusakhulupirika.

6. Anthu ena amabera nthawi iliyonse pakakhala mwayi

Mwayi ndi kupezeka zimathandizira kwambiri kusakhulupirika kwanthawi zonse. Ngati munthu nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi zochitika zomwe amatha kuchita zibwenzi zakunja popanda chiopsezo chodziwika, chiyesocho chimakhala chovuta kuchikana. Zinthu monga kulolerana kwa anthu ocheza nawo, malo ogwirira ntchito omwe amachititsa kuti pakhale maubwenzi osavomerezeka, kapena kupeza anthu omwe angakhale ogwirizana nawo mosavuta, kungachititse kuti anthu ambiri azibera. Mpata ukapezeka pafupipafupi, anthu obera nthawi zambiri amatha kunena kuti ali ndi chiwerewere, poganiza kuti nzosavuta kuusiya.

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7. Kupanda zotsatira kungayambitsenso zinthu zingapo

Kusapezeka kwa zotsatira zazikulu za zochita zawo kungalimbikitse kusakhulupirika kwanthawi zonse. Ngati wachinyengo akukumana ndi vuto lochepa kapena akhululukidwa ndi kumvetsetsana ndi wokondedwa wawo wamkulu, akhoza kupitiriza khalidwe lawo popanda kumva chisoni kapena kudziimba mlandu. Ngati palibe zotsatira zowoneka pazochita zawo, wonyenga wa seriyo amasiya kusamala ngati ubale woyamba ukhalabe wathanzi kapena ayi. Kusayankha mlandu kumeneku kungawalimbikitse kupitirizabe kunyenga, kusiya wokondedwa wawo wamkulu kukayikira ngati chidaliro chingamangidwenso pambuyo pa chinyengo kapena ngati kubera kosalekeza n'kosapeweka.

Kumvetsetsa zotsatira za kusakhulupirika ndi zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa kusakhulupirika kwachinsinsi kumapereka chidziwitso pazovuta zovuta zomwe zimachititsa anthu kuti azichita zachinyengo. Ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti vuto lililonse ndi lapadera, ndipo pali zinthu zingapo zomwe zingagwirizane kuti zipititse patsogolo khalidwe lachinyengoli.

Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Mnzanu Wakunyengereranso

Kusakhulupirika ndi ukwati/zibwenzi nthawi zina zimatha kusokonekera, kusiya m'mbuyo m'njira yopweteka komanso kuperekedwa. Komabe, mkati mwa chipwirikiticho, ena amasankha njira yokhalirabe ndi munthu wachinyengo wosintha, akukhulupirira kuti angathe kuwomboledwa ndi kupangidwanso. Amakhulupirira kuti chikondi chawo chidzagonjetsa mwambi wakuti 'wachinyengo nthawi zonse amakhala wachinyengo'. Kumanganso chikhulupiriro chosweka, kuthetsa kusakhulupirika m'chikondi, ndi kubwezeretsanso kudalira ubale kukhala nyenyezi zowatsogolera paulendo wawo wovuta.

Kwa ena, ndizovuta kwambiri kuzigwira ndipo amasankha kunena kuti zakwana ndikuchokapo. Kuchilitsidwa kwa kuperekedwa kwa mnzako kamodzi kumapweteketsa mtima, koma kukumana ndi zowawa zomwezo kachiwiri kungakhale kopweteka kwambiri. Ndizochitika zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala osokonezeka, kupwetekedwa, ndi kuperekedwa kachiwiri, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kukhulupirira mnzanu pambuyo pa chigololo.

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Kukhulupiriranso pambuyo pa chinyengo kuli ngati kupambana pankhondo yaikulu, koma pamene kukhulupirirana kwatha, simumangokhala ndi mantha aakulu okhulupirira ena, koma zimakuvutani kudzidalira. Ngakhale kutengeka mtima komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kumakhala kokulirapo, ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti kuthana ndi kusakhulupirika kwa mnzako ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi moyo wabwino komanso pali zinthu zomwe mungachite kuti muthane ndi vutoli. Zitsanzo zochepa ndikuchiritsa ndi kubwezeretsanso chikondi pambuyo pa kunyenga, kungochokapo, ndikusankha ubale womasuka.

Nandita akupereka njira zogwirira ntchito ndi malingaliro othana ndi kuwawa kwa mnzako yemwe adaberanso ndikupulumuka ku chigololo:

• Khalani ndi nthawi yomvetsetsa momwe mukumvera komanso ngati mukufuna kupitiriza chibwenzicho. Tengani malo ndi nthawi yochuluka momwe mungafunire kutali ndi mnzanuyo
• Yambitsani kukambirana nawo moona mtima za zochita zawo ndi malingaliro anu, kuphatikiza zomwe mukuganiza kuti zikuyenera kuchitika ngati kuthana ndi zowawa ndi kusakhulupirika ndizomwe mungafune kupita patsogolo monga gulu.
• Tafotokozani momveka bwino ndi malire amalingaliro ndi ziyembekezo zakumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika
• Ikani patsogolo kudzisamalira kuti mukhalebe ndi malingaliro abwino
• Ganizirani ngati ubalewu ndi wofunika kuupulumutsa. Kodi ndi koyenera kumanganso kuyambira pachiyambi kapena muyenera kuyang'ana pa kuyambanso ndi kuchiritsa ubale wovulala ndi wekha?
• Khulupirirani mwachidziwitso chanu ndikupanga zisankho zomwe zimayika patsogolo chisangalalo chanu
• Kumvetsetsa zotsatira zomwe zingakhalepo ngati mutakhala kapena kuchoka
• Dalirani abwenzi ndi achibale kuti akulimbikitseni; musadzipatule
• Konzani ndondomeko yopitira patsogolo, kaya pamodzi kapena mosiyana. Njira zambiri zimatha kubweretsa kuchira komanso kukula kwamunthu
• Ganizirani za chithandizo cha maanja kapena upangiri ndi katswiri paubwenzi kuti athane ndi mavuto omwe amabwera chifukwa chokondana, kuchiritsa zilonda zakusakhulupirika, komanso kudziwa zambiri zama psychology of serial cheaters.

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Kodi Anthu Angasinthe Akachita Chinyengo?

Kukumana ndi chigololo kungakhale kopweteka mtima, koma kodi pali chiyembekezo cha kusintha? Kodi munthu wachinyengo angakhale wokhulupirika? Kamodzi wonyenga nthawizonse amakhala wachinyengo? Yankho? Chabwino, ndi kambewu kakang'ono. Kumbali imodzi, mukuchita nazo nkhani za trust pambuyo kunyenga, pamene ena, mungafune kuti ubwenzi wanu ntchito monga kale. Mukuyembekezera mwachidwi zizindikiro za wachinyengo wolapa.

Nandita anati: “Pali nkhani zambiri zoti anthu ayambenso kuchita zibwenzi. Pali zizindikiro zambiri zachinyengo chosinthika: Ena amangokhalira kudziganizira okha, kufunafuna chithandizo kapena uphungu, ndipo amafuna kusintha. Amagwira ntchito molimbika, amaphunzira pa zolakwa zawo, ndipo amakhala achifundo ndi ozindikira. Koma apa pali chowonadi: Kusintha si chitsimikizo. Sikukonza mwachangu, ndipo ena atha kubwereranso ngakhale ali ndi zolinga zabwino.

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Malinga ndi phunziro, kuchiritsa kwa chiyanjanitso kumakhala kovutirapo ndipo kumaphatikizapo kukhululuka, kufunafuna uphungu, kusamalira zikumbukiro, ndi kuphunzira mwachidwi. Imati, "Pomanganso ubale, kusinthidwa nthawi zambiri kunkachitika, zomwe zimapangitsa kusintha kwamphamvu." Podutsa m'madzi amatope a kusakhulupirika ndi machiritso, ndikofunikira kuti pakhale mgwirizano pakati pa chiyembekezo ndi zenizeni. Ngakhale kuti anthu amatha kusintha, pamafunika kudzipereka, kudzidziwitsa okha pa ubale, ndi kuyesetsa kosalekeza. Njira iliyonse yomwe mungasankhe, kumbukirani kuti chimwemwe chanu ndi moyo wanu ziyenera kukhala zofunika kwambiri nthawi zonse.

Pa maubwenzi, ndi zinthu zochepa zomwe zimakhala zowawa ngati kulimbana ndi mzimu wa chigololo. Kukayikira kokulirapo kungakupangitseni kugona usiku, "Kodi chidaliro chingamangidwenso pambuyo pa chinyengo?" Talowa mkati mozama m'malingaliro athuwa kuti tipeze mayankho, ndipo zomwe tavumbulutsa ndizovuta zaumunthu.

Pamene mukukwera pa rollercoaster iyi, kumbukirani kuti maubwenzi ndi apadera monga anthu omwe ali nawo. Palibe yankho lofanana ndi limodzi. Kukhululukira mnzanu zolakwa zakale si chinthu chophweka, komanso kuchoka pa ubwenzi wautali. Khulupirirani chibadwa chanu, ikani chimwemwe chanu patsogolo, ndipo nthawi zonse sungani tikiti yagolide yodalirika. Kaya mwasankha kumanganso kapena kuyamba njira yatsopano, ubwino wanu ndi kampasi yomwe idzakutsogolerani.

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