Zizindikiro 23 Zosavomerezeka M'malingaliro mu Ubale

Zizindikiro za kulephera kwamalingaliro muubwenzi zitha kukhala zankhanza kuthana nazo ndikukusiyani mukulimbana ndi mabala ndi zipsera zomwe zimatenga nthawi yayitali kuti zichiritsidwe. Izi zakhala zondichitikira ndi chibwenzi changa chakale, Rory, yemwe adapanga chizolowezi chondiuza kuti ndimakhala wovuta kukhala naye nthawi iliyonse ndikamuuza zakukhosi kwanga kapena kufotokoza zosowa zanga. 

Pambuyo pa ndewu ina yoopsa kwambiri, anati ndiyenera kupeza njira "yogonjetsera mavuto anga" ngati ubalewu ukufuna kukhala ndi tsogolo. Lingaliro lake londithandiza pamavuto amenewa linali kundipatsa mndandanda wa mafilimu okhudza thanzi la maganizo. Anandiuza kuti ndizionera kwambiri kumapeto kwa sabata. Zikomo Mulungu kuti ndinayamba ndi Midsommar chifukwa filimuyo inali ngati galasi la ubale wathu. Ndinakumana ndi zitsanzo zonse za kukhumudwa kwa maganizo mufilimuyo ndi Rory.

"Aliyense ali ndi zovuta." Koma kumva wina amene mumamukonda akunena izi tsiku ndi tsiku pofuna kunyoza zomwe mukuona kuti zingakhale zopweteka, makamaka pamene mukukumana ndi zovuta. Kodi munthu amachita bwanji ndi chinthu chovuta kwambiri? Kodi njira yolondola yothanirana ndi kulephera kwamalingaliro ndi iti? Kodi n'kwabwino kupitiriza kukhala ndi munthu amene ali ndi maganizo olakwika? Awa anali ena mwa mafunso omwe ndidalimbana nawo tili pachibwenzi komanso pambuyo pake, monga ndikutsimikiza kuti anthu ambiri, omwe adakumanapo ndi zofanana ndi zawo, amatero. 

Kuti ndidziwe bwino za kufooka kwa malingaliro m'banja ndi maubwenzi achikondi, ndinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa maubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Izi zinandithandiza kumvetsetsa bwino za ine ndekha komanso ubale wanga wakale, ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti zikuthandizani kumvetsetsa bwino ubale wanu.

Kodi Kusokoneza Maganizo Ndi Chiyani? 

Kutsimikizira malingaliro kumatanthauza kuvomereza malingaliro a munthu wina, ngakhale simukugwirizana ndi momwe akumvera. Kumatanthauza kuti, "Malingaliro anu ndi olondola", osati kudzera m'mawu anu okha komanso m'zochita zanu. Kulephera kwa malingaliro ndi kosiyana kwambiri ndi zimenezo. Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza malingaliro olepheretsa muubwenzi monga:

• Mchitidwe wokana, kunyoza, kutaya kapena kunyalanyaza maganizo a wina
• Zitha kukhala mawu kapena osalankhula, zomwe zimatsogolera ku kuchitira nkhanza mwakachetechete
• Zitha kuchitika mosalakwa ngati munthu amene wasokoneza malingaliro a wina sakuzindikira mphamvu ya zochita kapena mawu awo, kapena ngati pali kusiyana kwa chikhalidwe. Kapena zikhoza kuchitidwa mwadala monga kusatetezeka, kubwezera, chinyengo, kapena kuti zigwirizane ndi zomwe anthu akuganiza.
• Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lokonza malingaliro awo amatha kutengera malingaliro olakwika muubwenzi ngati njira yodzitetezera.
• Zikachitika mosalekeza, zimatha kukhala zankhanza

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, “Ngakhale pakakhala kusiyana kwa maganizo, kukambirana momasuka ndi kutsimikizira kumasonyeza kulemekeza kusiyana kwa munthu wina ndi ufulu wosankha zochita.” Kutsimikizira malingaliro muubwenzi kumasunga mphamvu muubwenzi ndikulimbikitsa kukhutira, chisangalalo, ndi kulumikizana, ndipo kunyalanyaza malingaliro kumachita zosiyana kwambiri.

Zizindikiro 23 Zosavomerezeka M'malingaliro mu Ubale

Sitingakane kuti tikukhala m'dera lomwe zizindikiro za kulephera kwamalingaliro zimatha kuwoneka mosavuta komanso kulikonse, makamaka-komanso zodabwitsa-m'malumikizano athu apamtima.  

• Kufotokozera zakukhosi kumawonedwa ngati kulumala m'magulu opunduka m'malingaliro
• N’zosadabwitsa kuti anthu ambiri amasangalala kukana kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro chifukwa iwo apangidwa kuti apeze mawonekedwe a malingaliro okhumudwitsa kapena ochititsa manyazi
• Nthawi zina, kulephera kumabwera chifukwa cha munthu yemwe akulimbana ndi zovuta zake komanso kutopa kwambiri kotero kuti sangathe kupereka chithandizo chamalingaliro.
• Kapena anthuwo ndi odzikonda kwambiri moti sangathe kuika maganizo a ena patsogolo ndi pakati

Ndiye mungadziwe bwanji ngati malingaliro anu akulephera mu ubale? Nazi zizindikiro zodziwika kuti wokondedwa wanu akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu:

1. Wokondedwa wanu amachepetsa ululu wanu - "Sizoipa kwambiri"

Ngakhale kuti nthawi zambiri zimachitika mosadziwa, zimakhala zopweteka kwambiri pamene mnzanu akuchepetsa vuto lanu mwa kuseka, kunyalanyaza, kapena kukunyozani . Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zodziwika bwino za kufooka kwa malingaliro kosayembekezereka ndipo nthawi zambiri zimawonedwa mwa okondedwa omwe amachokera kumadera osiyanasiyana. Chifukwa chachikulu cha izi ndi mkhalidwe womwe munthu amakumana nawo, zomwe zimapangitsa nkhani yomveka ngati kuzunzidwa kusukulu kukhala nkhani yoseketsa kwa wina. Angachite izi:

• Akafuna kunena kuti vuto lanu silofunikira - "thetsani kale. Si vuto lalikulu"
• Akaona kuti nkhani zanu ndi zoseketsa chifukwa ndi zachilendo kwa iwo - "Ndipo munayamba kulira? Ha ha ha"
• Akamachotsa malingaliro anu chifukwa cha kugonana kwanu - "Ndiwe Nancy Pants / floozy / pansy"

2. Amachotsa malingaliro anu - "Mumaganizira chilichonse"

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyipa kwambiri za kufooka kwa malingaliro ndi pamene malingaliro anu achotsedwa chifukwa chakuti mukugwirizana ndi malingaliro anu, koma mnzanu sakugwirizana nawo. Kusiyana kumeneku kwa momwe okwatirana muubwenzi amachitira zinthu ndi chimodzi mwa mavuto ofala kwambiri muubwenzi . Mnzanu akhoza:

• Onetsani chifundo chanu ngati chilema — “Lekani kunena kuti, 'Mnyamata wanga amanyalanyaza malingaliro anga!' Ndiwe sensitive kwambiri”
• Dziwani momwe mukumvera ngati "chinthu chachilendo" cha anthu ammudzi - "Inu amayi/anthu aku GenZ/anthu akumidzi"

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3. Amayerekezera ululu wanu ndi ena - "Ganizirani za anthu a ku Ukraine / Palestine / Iraq / Nigeria"

Ngakhale kuti chipangizo chomwe chingathe kuyeza ululu wa munthu sichinapangidwebe, anthu nthawi zambiri amayerekeza kuchuluka kwa ululu ngati kuti n'koyenera kuwerengedwa. Ngakhale kuti n'zoona kuti munthu wochokera kudera lankhondo angakhale ndi vuto lalikulu la kuvulala poyerekeza ndi munthu amene akuyesera kuthana ndi kutha kwa chibwenzi , sikoyenera kuyerekeza ziwirizi. Sikuti zimangothandiza anthu omwe ali ndi vuto la nkhondo, komanso zimapangitsa aliyense kuletsa malingaliro awo. Kupatula apo, kufananiza koteroko sikungatsimikizire nthawi ndi momwe kulili kovomerezeka kulira. Muthanso kuona mnzanuyo:

• Chisoni chachikulu - "Ndikudziwa zomwe mukumva. Bambo anga atamwalira ... (akupita ku mphindi 20)"
• Kudzipangitsa kukhala chilimbikitso kwa inu - "Ndinali nacho choipa kuwirikiza kakhumi kuposa iwe, koma ndili pano"
• Pokuyerekezani ndi munthu yemwe amamudziwa kuti mumamuda - "Pepani, koma mukudziwa zomwe Karen anachita atakumana ndi vutoli ..."

4. Amayesa kupepukitsa zinthu ndi toxic positivity — “Osachepera muli nazo izi” 

Njira ina yodziwika bwino yomwe mnzanu angalepheretse malingaliro anu mwangozi ndi kuyesa kukulimbikitsani ndi malingaliro abwino komanso nthabwala. Kukhala ndi chiyembekezo n'kwabwino, koma monga china chilichonse, zinthu zambirimbiri zingakhale zoopsa. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe mnzanuyo akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu omwe simungawaone chifukwa amabisala poyera.

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Muyenera kupeŵa kuchita nthabwala zimene zingayambitse mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Nthabwala zingakhale zongoganizira za inu nokha. Akhoza kuyesa "kuwunikira" zinthu mwa:

• Kupereka chithandizo - "N'chifukwa chiyani ukuda nkhawa zakuchotsedwa ntchito? Ndimapeza ndalama zokwanira tonsefe"
• Kukhululukira ngati gawo la ndondomekoyi - "Ndikuganiza kuti iyi ndi gawo lakukhala makolo, eh? Ndife amwayi"
• Kusasiya mpata wamalingaliro ena - "Muli ndi banja lodabwitsa chotere. Mukufunanso chiyani?"

5. Amayesa kugwirizana ndi maganizo anu — “Musamamve chonchi”

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Mnzanuyo angakhale akuchita zimenezi mosadziŵa, koma nthaŵi zambiri zimakhala choncho ngati sakufuna kukutsegulani maganizo kuti mwina inuyo mungakhale ndi njira yolankhulirana ndi mmene mukumvera.” Choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti mnzanuyo sangazindikire kuti akukupwetekani mwa:

• Kupereka zosintha pamalingaliro anu - "Sindikuganiza kuti mwakwiya. Mwina muli ndi njala basi?"
• Kukulimbikitsani kuti muipitse - "Si bwino kuganiza za izo"
• Kuchotseratu mawu anu okhudzidwa - "Simukuwoneka achisoni"

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6. Akunena kuti mukuchita kuti mumvetsere - "Kodi mukufuna kukhala bwino?"

Pamene wokondedwa wanu alibe maganizo ofanana ndi inu kapena akukayikira momwe mukumvera, nthawi zambiri amatanthauzira kusonyeza kwanu ngati pempho loti mumvetsere. Izi zikachitika, nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kuwauza zomwe mukumva. Amakulepheretsani ndi:

• Kuwonetsa kuti mumakonda kuwonetsa momwe mukumvera - "Osapanga zochitika pano," "Ndinu odabwitsa," kapena "Chifukwa chiyani muyenera kuzifotokoza tsopano?"
• Kutsata chosowa chanu cha anthu omwe amakuthandizani - "Sungani misozi yanu. Palibe amene ali pano kuti akuwoneni"
• Mukuyembekeza kuti mungathe lamulirani maganizo anu muubwenzi mosavuta — “Pepani kuti mwasankha kumverera motere” kapena “Lekani kuganiza mopambanitsa/kukhala ndi nkhawa/kukhala ndi nkhawa”
• Kusonyeza kuti ndi pempho kuti alimvetsere - "Ndimagwira ntchito molimbika tsiku lililonse. Pepani kuti ndilibe nthawi yocheza nanu"

 7. Amakulimbikitsani kuti muiwale zomwe zinakuchitikirani m'malo mochira - "Ingosiyani"

Mtundu uliwonse wa chochitika choopsa umayatsa kuthawa, kumenyana, kuzizira, kapena kuyankha mwa munthu. Palibe yankho la "kuiwala". Ubongo wa munthu ukhoza kuyambitsa kudzipatula, komwe ndi gawo la yankho lozizira. Koma ngakhale zili choncho, munthu ayenera kukonza bwino malingaliro ake kuti achire kuvulalako. Monga momwe kafukufuku adanenera , kuiwala kapena kuyesa kubisa malingaliro kumatha kuwakulitsa. Mungaone mwa mnzanu:

• Kupanda mphwayi pakuwongolera bwino kwamalingaliro - "Kuyamwa"
• Chizoloŵezi chobisa chilichonse - "Tisalankhule za izi"
• Kuyesera kutseka nkhaniyo - "Zomwe zachitika zachitika. Sitingachite chilichonse. Tiyiwale"

8. Amalungamitsa chilichonse kudzera mu kampasi ya makhalidwe abwino - “chifuniro cha Mulungu”.

Anthu akhala akugwiritsa ntchito mulungu, chipembedzo, kapena makhalidwe abwino kulungamitsa mavuto awo. Kukhulupirira Mulungu kapena kukhala mbali ya gulu kungakhale njira yothandizira anthu ambiri, koma kulungamitsa vuto la wina sikungakhale lingaliro labwino. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo siziyenera kukhala chifukwa cholepheretsa maganizo a mnzanuyo. Mutha kuwona zizindikiro zakulephera kwamalingaliro pamene anthu:

• Bweretsani Karma mu chithunzi - "Chilichonse chimachitika pa chifukwa"
• Onetsani kuti zomwe mukukumana nazo zilibe kanthu — “Mulungu sakupatsani zochuluka kuposa momwe mungathere”
• Khalani otsimikiza - “Pempherani kwa ndipo zonse zikhala bwino”

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9. Akunena kuti mukunamizira — “Ndikutsimikiza kuti sichinakhale choyipa chotere”

Kusokonezeka maganizo m'banja ndi m'maubwenzi achikondi kungachitike pamene m'modzi mwa okwatirana akuvutika kukhulupirira wina. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika pamene m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo ali ndi kudziona ngati wosafunika kwenikweni. Izi zitha kukhalanso ngati kunyoza muubwenzi ngati mwachita mwadala. Mnzanuyo akhoza:

• Kukayikira nkhani zanu - "Kodi mukutsimikiza kuti ndi zomwe ananena?" kapena “Koma n’chifukwa chiyani ananena zimenezo?”
• Onetsani kulephera kwanu kuzindikira zochitika - "Kodi mumavala magalasi anu?"
• Perekani zomwe zidachitika m'mbuyomu kuti zikulepheretseni - "Munanenanso izi sabata yatha. Ndikuyenera kukukhulupirirani bwanji?"

10. Amakupeputsa - "Sizidachitika choncho"

Anthu akafuna kukunyozani mwadala, amachita zimenezi kuti akupangitseni kutsanzira khalidwe limene akuona kuti ndi loyenera. Gawo lodziwika bwino la kunyoza anthu ndilakuti nthawi zambiri amapotoza nkhani kuti zioneke ngati pali china chake chomwe chachitika. Amachita izi mwa:

• Kuwonetsa kuti simungathe kuweruza zenizeni - "Mwakhala mukupsinjika kwambiri posachedwapa" kapena "Simunamvetse bwino"
• Kukupangitsani kukhala ndi udindo pa khalidwe lawo losavomerezeka - "Mumaoneka ngati mudzalira pamaso pa anthu onse. Ndikanachita chiyani china kupatulapo kusiya phwando?"
• Kukupatulani kwa anthu ena — “Anzanu amakusekani”

11. Akhoza kukuimbani mlandu — “Bwanji simungakhale osangalala kamodzi kokha?”

Ndinaleredwa ndi mayi amene sankandikonda kwenikweni. Sindinkamasuka kulankhula naye pafoni, ndipo ankandiimba mlandu chifukwa chosamuyendera mokwanira. Rory nthawi zambiri ankachotsa nkhawa yanga yoti ndikumane naye. Izi zinali zankhanza, osati chifukwa choti ndinali kale ndi vuto lothana ndi malingaliro anga pa iye, koma chifukwa chakuti Rory analibe chifundo, zomwe zinandipangitsa kuti ndizivutika kulankhula naye za nkhaniyi. Anthu osaganizira bwino nthawi zambiri:

• Kulakwa monga momwe Rory anandichitira - "Amayi anu ali moyo. Anga anamwalira"
• Pangani kuti mukhale osungulumwa pagulu - "Sangalalani! Aliyense wabwera chifukwa cha inu" (monyoza)
• Mukuvutika kumvera chisoni - "Postpartum depression? Mukumva kukhumudwa chifukwa cha ana okongolawa?"

12. Amayesa kukuchititsa manyazi — “Unali kuvala chiyani?”

Kusasamala ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino za kufooka kwa malingaliro. Nthawi zambiri, banja likakumana ndi zovuta kulumikizana m'maganizo, mnzawo wina akhoza kukhala wosamvera mnzake. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akunyalanyazani kugonana, angayese kukuchititsani manyazi chifukwa cha zilakolako zanu zogonana kapena chilakolako chanu chogonana. Chingakhale chizindikiro chochenjeza cha mwamuna kapena mkazi wolamulira. Kapena pamavuto aakulu, ngati wina akukuzunzani, mnzanuyo angaganize kuti ndinu wogwirizana. Angateronso:

• Khalani ndi udindo wachilungamo - "Ndimagwira ntchito ngati kapolo, koma simungathe kulamulira zilakolako zanu"
• Ganizirani kuti mwavomera nkhanzazo - "Kodi mudawapatsa zizindikiro zilizonse? Kapena "aliyense akuwoneka kuti ali ndi kanthu kwa inu"

13. Amanamizira kukuthandizani — “Ndi bwino chotere”

Njira inanso imene anthu okwatirana amakuvutitsani m’maganizo ndiyo kunamizira kuti akukuthandizani. Kukhoza kusiyanitsa pakati pa chithandizo ndi yankho ndi khalidwe lamtengo wapatali.

• Amanena kuti amakuthandizani, koma nthawi zambiri samvetsera zimene mukunena. M’malo mwake, amapereka mayankho pamene mukunena kuti simukuwafuna
• Iwo, nthawi zina, amabisa zinthu kwa inu - "Ndikuyesera kukutetezani"
• Nthawi zina, thandizo lawo likhoza kukhala lopunduka chifukwa umayamba kudzikayikira - "Kodi mukutsimikiza kuti mwakwaniritsa?" (kufunsa izi mobwerezabwereza)

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14. Akuchitapo kanthu m’malo mwako — “Udzandithokoza pambuyo pake”

Kuchitapo kanthu m'malo mwa wina, makamaka ngati sanapemphe, sikungopanda ulemu komanso kumalepheretsa bungwe lawo. Ngati mnzanu akuchitirani zinthu zina m'malo mwanu, mudzazindikira:

• Chitsanzo cha kunyalanyaza zofuna zanu. Izi nthawi zambiri zimatsagana ndi kamvekedwe kokhumudwitsa kapena kokayikitsa, kupangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati mukubwereza mawu anu - "Ndimaganiza kuti MUkufuna izi"
• Lingaliro loti akukuchitirani zabwino - "Ndikuyesera kukuthandizani" kapena "Ndi za ubwino wanu" kapena "Simudzachita izi popanda ine"

15. Amapewa udindo — “Ndatopa ndi sh*t”

Izi zimachitika kawirikawiri pamene m'modzi mwa okwatirana akuyesera kudzipatula chifukwa amavutika kuthana ndi zosowa za mnzawo. Ngakhale sizichitika mwadala, izi zingagwiritsidwe ntchito ngati njira yodzitetezera kuti apewe udindo wamaganizo muubwenzi . Pali:

• Kukonda kukhululukira zolakwa zawo - “Si chifukwa changa, ndakhala ndikugwira ntchito molimbika tsiku lonse”
• Kudzikonzekeretsa nthawi iliyonse mukabweretsa china chake - "Sindikumva bwino. Kodi tingakambirane nthawi ina?"
• Mchitidwe wongokunyalanyazani ndikukuuzani zomwe akuganiza kuti ndizofunikira kwambiri - "Eya, chabwino. Mwamva izi ...?"

16. Amabwezera chilango - “Kodi umawakonda bwanji kukoma kwa mankhwala ako?

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Mnzanu wobwezera akhoza kukhala wonyenga ndipo angasonyeze khalidwe lopanda nkhanza muubwenzi . Izi zitha kuonekeranso akamakana malingaliro anu chifukwa akumva kufunika kokulangani chifukwa cha zomwe mudachita." Izi zitha kukhala zokhumudwitsa chifukwa:

• Akhoza kusiyiratu nkhaniyo - "Ndi zosoka basi. N'chifukwa chiyani ukukuwa? Sindinakuwa kwambiri pamene ndinabala mwana wako."
• Iwo amabweretsa mkangano womwe wathetsedweratu—“Sindingadziwe mmene ndingakuthandizireni pankhani zandalama popeza, monga mmene munanenera tsiku lina, ndangokhala pakhomo tsiku lonse” kapena “Simunanene chilichonse pamene ndinachotsedwa ntchito.
• Amafuna zabwino kuchokera kwa inu - "Mukufunika phewa langa kuti ndilirire. Mukudziwa zomwe ndikusowa ... ”

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17. Akukukayikirani, “Kodi ndikukukhulupirirani Bwanji Pambuyo pa chochitikacho?

Anthu omwe akuvutika ndi chizolowezi kapena matenda amisala nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi vutoli. Okwatirana awo angasonyeze kusakhulupirira kapena kukana zomwe akumana nazo. Kusakhulupirira kumeneku kumakula kwambiri pambuyo pa zochitika zobwerezabwereza. Mwatsoka, mtunda pakati pa okwatirana umakula pakapita nthawi chifukwa aliyense amavutika kukhulupirira mnzake. Izi zimachitika kawirikawiri motere:

• Amakayikira kudalirika kwanu - "Kodi mumamwa?"
• Amatsimikiza kuchokera kwa munthu wina pamaso panu
• Amapangitsa kukhala cholemetsa - "Ndikungolakalaka mutasiya kundichitira izi"

18. Amapeputsa zomwe zikukuyambitsani - "Aziwomba saopa, ndi oseketsa"

Chizindikiro china chodziwika bwino chomwe chimasonyeza kuti mnzanuyo sakumvetsa zomwe mukumva ndichakuti sakumvetsa zomwe zimayambitsa vutoli. Zingakhale zankhanza pamene mnzanuyo akukusekani, akunena zinthu zopweteka , kapena kukayikira zomwe zimayambitsa vutoli, kaya mwadala kapena mosadziwa. Izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri pamene palibe kumvetsetsa momwe mantha/kuvulala kumagwirira ntchito. Mutha kuwona:

• Chizoloŵezi chomakunyozani chifukwa cha zomwe amaona ngati zabwinobwino - "O, ndiye kuti ukuopa mtundu wachikasu? Mwina ndiyenera kukhala blonde"
• Kukwiyidwa ndi zomwe amaona kuti ndi zoyenera - "Trypophobia, huh? Kodi wophika wanu adaphika buledi popanda mabowo?"
• Chizoloŵezi chochinyalanyaza mukayamba - "Phunzirani kuchita nthabwala"

19. Amakukakamizani kuchita zinthu zosasangalatsa - "Palibe ululu, palibe phindu"

Chinthu choipa kwambiri chomwe mnzanu angakuchitireni ndi kukukakamizani kuti mulowe m'mavuto osasangalatsa komanso osasangalatsa m'dzina lakuti "kukuzolowerani". Ngakhale kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti khalidwe lingasinthidwe mukakumana ndi vuto linalake losasangalatsa, kulimbana nalo nokha ndi kukankhidwira ku vutolo ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana. Kukakamizika kuchita chinthu china kungakulitse kuvulalako ndikupangitsa zinthu kukhala zovuta kwambiri. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati malingaliro anu akulephera?

• Amakukankhirani dala mumikhalidwe yovuta - "Kodi mungagonjetse bwanji agoraphobia ngati simutuluka?"
• Amakunyozani - "Onani, ngakhale ana ang'onoang'ono akugwiritsa ntchito elevator. Zimangotenga masekondi 20"
• Amakupwetekani ngati mukulephera kupirira kupsinjika maganizo - "Ndikuyesera kukuthandizani, simundikhulupirira?"

20. Akunena kuti ukunama - "Zowona, mutu ukukupweteka tsopano"

Rory, yemwe anali wakale wanga, anali ndi njira yoipa kwambiri yotchulira mutu wanga wa mutu ngati chinthu chomwe "ndinapanga" kuti ndimulange. Iye sankakhulupirira kuti mutu wa mutu umatenga masiku opitilira angapo. Anali wotsimikiza kuti ndinali kukwiya chifukwa ndinkafuna kukana "thandizo" lake. Sanali kudziwa momwe angathanirane ndi chibwenzi ndi munthu amene ali ndi nkhawa . Mwachidule, sizinali zachilendo kumva:

• "Ndimalankhula nawe bwanji osakupweteka mutu?"
• "Choncho, mutha kugwira ntchito ndi mutu, koma osagonana"
• “Musandiuze chochita, ndidzipweteka mutu”

21. Akunena mawu abwino ndi mawu olakwika

Mungaone kuti mnzanuyo akugwiritsa ntchito mawu oyenera, koma mawu ake ndi olakwika ndipo mutha kuzindikira kuti sakumverani chisoni komanso sakukuthandizani. Mungaone izi:

• Mawu achipongwe kapena achipongwe
• Ndemanga zina zimayankhulidwa pambali zazikulu
• Kusowa mtundu m'mawu awo. Zimakhala ngati akubwereza mawu omwe amawerenga penapake osawalankhula kuchokera pansi pamtima

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 8 Zokulitsira Chitetezo Cha Maganizo Mu Ubale Wanu

22. Zizindikiro zosagwirizana ndi mawu za kulephera kwamalingaliro

Nthawi zambiri, si zomwe akunena, koma zomwe amachita. Abwenzi osasamala nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsa mphwayi pogwiritsa ntchito zizindikiro za thupi. Mndandandawu ukuphatikiza, koma osalekezera ku:

• Zizindikiro za nkhope: Kugudubuza maso, kuusa moyo, kutsina milomo, kukweza nsidze
• Chilankhulo zizindikiro: Kupatuka kwa inu, kuyang'ana pa foni yawo pamene mukuyankhula, kukugwedezani mutu koma kuyang'ana chinachake, kusokonezedwa ndi chinachake pa zovala zanu, fidget, etc.
• Kupewa kukhalapo: Wokondedwa wanu amakunyalanyazani kwa masiku ambiri kapena amakhala m'chipinda china. Iwo amasunga mtunda pakati pa inu nonse

23. Kusintha koyipa m'makhalidwe anu

Pang'onopang'ono, ngati izi zipitirira, inu kapena anthu omwe muli nawo pafupi muwona kusintha kwakukulu mu khalidwe lanu. Chodziwika bwino ndichakuti inu kapena anthu omwe muli nawo pafupi simukukhutira ndi kusinthaku. Chotsatira chachikulu cha mnzanu wanu kukunyozani ndichakuti kudzidalira kwanu kwasokonekera kwambiri ndipo mumayamba kuwonetsa zizindikiro za khalidwe lodziona kuti ndinu wosafunika . Kusintha kumeneku kungawonekere mu umunthu wanu:

• Mumayamba kukhala ndi nkhawa pogawana chilichonse ndi wina aliyense
• Mumayamba kupeputsa nkhani zanu mpaka momwe zimakhalira chizolowezi. Lingaliro lakuti mukupweteka limakhala lachilendo kwambiri moti mumadabwa anthu ena akakuvomerezani
• Mumayamba kuchita zinthu monyanyira ndikupita kukatentha ndi kuzizira pa anthu. Mumadzimva kukhala wokhumudwa komanso wokhumudwa nthawi zina, pomwe muli amphamvu komanso olimbikitsidwa ndi ena
• Mumakayikira nkhani yanu. Mumayamba kupanga 'umboni', monga zowonera, ngati wina akukayikani. Makamaka pamene muli ndi gasi. Chizindikiro china chodziwika kuchokera ku khalidweli ndikuyamba kudzifotokozera nokha kuti mutsimikizire kudalirika kwanu
• Mumaopa kukumana ndi anthu atsopano ndipo nthawi zonse mumaopa kuti adzakuweruzani

Kodi Zotsatira Zakusokoneza Maganizo Mumaubwenzi Ndi Chiyani?  

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro kumatha kuwononga thanzi lamunthuyo pakulandila. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kusonyeza mmene tikumvera mumtima mwathu ndi njira imene chikumbumtima chathu chimalankhulirana ndi chikumbumtima chathu.” Pamene mnzanuyo anyalanyaza malingaliro anu kapena kunena kuti zilibe kanthu, zimadzetsa chisokonezo ndipo zingavulaze kwambiri ngati palibe chisamaliro choyenera. Zotsatira za kulephera kwamalingaliro mu maubwenzi ndi monga:

1. Kuwonongeka kwamaganizo

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina , kufooka kwa maganizo kosalekeza kungasonyeze kuyamba kwa kuvutika maganizo. Kuwonjezera pa kupangitsa munthu kudzimva wosungulumwa, wopanda pake, wosakhazikika, komanso wodziona ngati wopanda pake, kufooka nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa mtunda wamaganizo , mikangano, komanso kusokonekera kwa anthu.

• Zingasokoneze mphamvu ya munthu yodziletsa kutengeka maganizo ndi makhalidwe ake, kuwapangitsa kukhala osamasuka pamene ali ndi anthu.
• Kumasokoneza kudziona kuti ndi wofunika, zomwe zimachititsa munthu kupsa mtima, kudzimvera chisoni, kuchita manyazi, ndiponso kudziona ngati wopanda pake.
• Malinga ndi phunziro, pamene mnzanu akunyalanyazani kapena kukukanizani maganizo anu, zingathenso kusokoneza ntchito yanu ya tsiku ndi tsiku ndikuwonjezera chiopsezo chawo chokhala ndi matenda a maganizo monga nkhawa, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), ndi borderline personality disorder (BPD)

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2. Kukupangitsani kukayikira zenizeni zanu

Pamene malingaliro anu alephera ndi mnzanu, zimakupangitsani kuona kuti malingaliro anu ndi osamveka bwino, osayenera, kapena osafunikira. Zingapangitse kuti musamagwirizane ndi iwo enieni. Zapezeka kuti kulephera nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa kukwera kwa malingaliro ena monga mkwiyo ndi manyazi poletsa kuwonetsa malingaliro oyamba monga chisoni. Malinga ndi kafukufuku , anthu omwe ali kale ndi vuto loletsa malingaliro nthawi zambiri amayankha mwankhanza kwambiri ngati chisoni chawo sichinadziwike m'maganizo.

• Anthu okhudzidwa ndi malingaliro amakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi kulephera kwamalingaliro
• Kusokonezeka maganizo kungabwere chifukwa chophunzitsidwa kuti zochita za munthu n’zolakwika ndiponso n’zosafunika
• Izi zingayambitse kutayika kwa kudzidalira ndipo amalekanitsa anthu kuchowonadi chimene iwo amafunikira ndipo ali a dziko lowazungulira
• Zitha kuwapangitsa kukhala okayikira nthawi zonse pa zomwe amadziwa komanso kuthekera kwawo kuzindikira zinthu zowazungulira

3. Zowawa zokhalitsa

Aliyense angakhudzidwe ndi zotsatira za kulemala, mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu, jenda, kapena chikhalidwe, koma ana ndi omwe ali pachiwopsezo chachikulu. Popeza kuzindikira kwawo ndi kumvetsetsa kwawo dziko lapansi kukukulirakulirabe, kulemala kumabweretsa malingaliro ofala a kusatetezeka . Izi zingakhudze momwe amasonyezera malingaliro awo.

• Malinga ndi phunziro, kusaloledwa kwa anzawo ndi achibale kunapezeka kuti kumawonjezera ngozi ya zochitika zodzipha kapena zochitika zodzivulaza mwa achinyamata.
• china phunziro adawonetsa momwe kufooka kwamalingaliro paubwana ndi unyamata kungayambitse kuponderezedwa. Nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa zovuta zamalingaliro m'zaka zakutsogolo, makamaka mwa mawonekedwe a kupsinjika ndi nkhawa zokhudzana ndi nkhawa

Kodi Mumayankhira Bwanji Kusavomerezeka Kwamalingaliro?

Kuzindikira kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro muubwenzi wanu, mukakhala pamavuto, ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti mudziteteze sikophweka. Ndinali kulimbana ndi imfa ya abambo anga, ndipo kumva Rory akusisima kapena akusisima chifukwa ndinali chete kapena kulira sikunathandize. Ndikanapewa vuto lililonse limene lingandiyambitse. Kenako ndinayamba kuyembekezera zimene angachite ndipo ndinayamba kuchita zinthu zimene zingamusangalatse. 

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro kwanthawi yayitali kungayambitse kupwetekedwa mtima mwa anthu, kuyambitsa kuyankha kwawo kwankhondo-kuwuluka-kuzizira-kwawo. Mutha kulowa munjira yopulumuka yosatha, yomwe imatha kuwononga thanzi lanu m'kupita kwanthawi. Ndicho chifukwa chake, ngati mungagwirizane ndi zizindikiro zomwe mnzanuyo akutsutsa malingaliro anu, m'pofunika kuchitapo kanthu kuti muteteze maganizo anu. Nawa maupangiri 5 amomwe mungayankhire pakuletsedwa kwa okondedwa:  

1. Muyenera kukhazikitsa zoletsa ndi malire

M'buku lake, The Invisible Line , katswiri wa zamaganizo Benjamin Fry akukambirana za udindo wa kudziletsa ndi malire kuti titsimikizire ndikupititsa patsogolo moyo wathu wabwino. Malinga ndi Fry, kudziletsa kumatanthauza momwe timalamulira mayankho athu pazochitika zilizonse, pomwe malire amagwira ntchito yochepetsa mphamvu ya zomwe zimayambitsa izi pa thanzi lathu lamalingaliro ndi lamaganizo. Pamene kudziletsa ndi malire agwiritsidwa ntchito bwino, angathandize munthu kuthana ndi vuto la maganizo.

• Yesani njira zoyambira kuti muzitha kudziletsa. Yang'anani kwambiri zomwe zikukuzungulirani, yang'anani kwambiri mwatsatanetsatane, yang'anani kwambiri momwe tsatanetsataneyo akukulitsirani kudzera m'malingaliro osiyanasiyana.
• Phunzirani kukana kukhazikitsa malire abwino mu maubwenzi. Ngati mukuganiza kuti vuto lingakuyambitseni, chitanipo kanthu mpaka mutakhala bwino kuti muthane nalo

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2. Muyenera kuyesa kudzitsimikizira nokha

Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti simungadalire kutsimikizika kwa anthu ena. Sikuti zimangokupangitsani kudalira zokopa zakunja kuti muyambitse zoyambitsa chimwemwe, komanso zingayambitse kudzidalira. Muyenera kudziuza nokha ndikuvomereza kuti malingaliro anu ndi olondola, osafunikira kutsimikiziridwa ndi wina, kuphatikiza wina wanu. Kudzitsimikizira nokha kungaphatikizepo kuvomereza nokha ndi zosowa zanu, kudzipirira nokha, ndi kuphunzira kukhala ndi zolakwa zanu.

• Sungani zolemba zanu. Lembani zolinga zanu ndipo lembani pamene mukuchita chinachake kuti mukwaniritse zolingazi
• Dziwani zovuta zanu. Mungayesetse kuthetsa nkhani zimenezi, koma ngati simungathe, phunzirani kukhazikitsa mtendere nawo
• Nthawi zonse mukakhala kuti mulibe vuto, kumbukirani kunena kuti, "Zili bwino." Dzipatseni nokha zolankhula zomwe mukufuna
• Osayang'ana pa kuyesa kusintha ena kuti adzitsimikizire nokha. Sitingathe kukonza makhalidwe a ena kuti agwirizane ndi ife tokha. Ngati mukukhala mukuzunzidwa kosatha, ndiye kuti nthawi yopitilira 

3. Muyenera kuyimitsa

Ngati mnzanuyo amakulepheretsani nthawi zambiri, kaya mwadala kapena mwangozi, muyitane. Adzadabwa, kukhumudwa, kapena kukwiya poyamba, koma muyenera kuwauza kuti zimakupwetekani.

• Dziwani zomwe mukuwona kuti ndizolakwika. Auzeni nthawi yomweyo
• Muyenera kuyimirira. Abwenzi onyenga amakhala aluso kwambiri podzizunza. Choncho phunzirani kumvetsa bwino nkhaniyi
• Limbikitsani kupuma, ngati kuipiraipira. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kutsutsa izi koma muyenera kuwauza momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi

4. Khalani kusintha nokha

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro m'mabanja ndi maubwenzi okondana ndikofala kuposa momwe timaganizira. Nthawi zambiri amaonedwa kuti ndi abwino kapena amachitidwa ngati nthabwala. Kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro sikulinso. N’kutheka kuti nthawi ina munasokoneza maganizo a mnzanuyo. Phunzirani kumvera chisoni ndi kutenga mawu awo mozama.

• Gwiritsirani ntchito mawu ovomerezana wina ndi mzake. Gwiritsirani ntchito mawu ngati “Zikumveka zokhumudwitsa” m’malo mwa “Lekani kulira”
• Yang'anani mnzanuyo. Munthu amene nthawi zonse amakhala wofooka m'maganizo nthawi zonse amakhala pa zala zake
• Lankhulani nawo moona mtima. Lumikizanani nawo ndikuwafunsa ngati pali china chake chokhudza khalidwe lanu chomwe chimawavutitsa
• In midsommar, Dani nthawi zonse ankaopa kutayidwa ndi chibwenzi chake. Ichi ndi mantha omwe amapezeka pakati pa onse omwe ali ndi vuto la maganizo popanda kudandaula. Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti mulipo chifukwa cha zabwino ndi zoipa

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5. Osachita manyazi kuthandizidwa ndi akatswiri

Nditangozindikira kuti sindikuloledwa, ndinauza Rory kuti ndikufuna kupuma. Mosadabwitsa, anayamba kunena kuti ndi chiwembu chothetsa chibwenzicho, koma ine ndinaimirira. Malinga ndi lingaliro la mnzanga, ndinaganiza zolandira chithandizo. Chimenecho chinali chimodzi mwa zosankha zabwino kwambiri pamoyo wanga.

• Tengani nthawi kuti mugwirizane ndi malingaliro anu. Kusamala ndikofunikira ngati mukufuna kuti chithandizo chizigwira ntchito
• Pezani wothandizira woyenera pazosowa zanu. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi zabwino kwambiri gulu la asing'anga ndi alangizi pa zosowa zanu zonse zamaganizidwe

Maganizo Final

Ndi chikhulupiliro chofala kuti anthu omwe ali paubwenzi amathandizirana, ndipo kusavomerezeka kumachitika mwadala basi. Tsoka ilo, anthu nthawi zambiri samazindikira kuti atha kusokoneza anzawo mwangozi. Amachiwona ngati kuyesetsa "kuthandiza" wokondedwa wawo kuthana ndi zovuta, kapena amalephera kumva chisoni. 

Anthu amasokonezanso malingaliro chifukwa cha kusapeza kwawo chifukwa chokhala ndi malingaliro osasinthika omwe amayamba chifukwa cha malingaliro a mnzawo. Muzochitika zonsezi, ulusi wodziwika womwe umatsalira ndikuti kusavomerezeka kungayambitse kupsinjika maganizo kwambiri. Ngati muwona zizindikiro zilizonse zosokoneza muubwenzi wanu, chitanipo kanthu tsopano ndikuthandizira kumanga ubale wabwino.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.