Zizindikiro 23 Zosavomerezeka M'malingaliro mu Ubale

Zizindikiro za kulephera kwamalingaliro muubwenzi zitha kukhala zankhanza kuthana nazo ndikukusiyani mukulimbana ndi mabala ndi zipsera zomwe zimatenga nthawi yayitali kuti zichiritsidwe. Izi zakhala zondichitikira ndi chibwenzi changa chakale, Rory, yemwe adapanga chizolowezi chondiuza kuti ndimakhala wovuta kukhala naye nthawi iliyonse ndikamuuza zakukhosi kwanga kapena kufotokoza zosowa zanga. 

Pambuyo pa ndewu ina yoyipa kwambiri, adati ndiyenera kupeza njira "yogonjetsera zovuta zanga" ngati ubalewo uyenera kukhala ndi tsogolo. Lingaliro lake londichirikiza pazovuta izi ndikuti adandipatsa mndandanda wamakanema okhudza thanzi lamisala. Anandiuza kuti ndizingowaonera kumapeto kwa sabata. Zikomo zabwino zomwe ndayamba nazo midsommar chifukwa filimuyo inali ngati galasi la ubale wathu. Ndinakhalapo ndi zitsanzo zonse zosavomerezeka mufilimuyo ndi Rory. 

"Aliyense ali ndi zovuta." Koma kumva wina amene mumamukonda akunena izi tsiku ndi tsiku pofuna kunyoza zomwe mukuona kuti zingakhale zopweteka, makamaka pamene mukukumana ndi zovuta. Kodi munthu amachita bwanji ndi chinthu chovuta kwambiri? Kodi njira yolondola yothanirana ndi kulephera kwamalingaliro ndi iti? Kodi n'kwabwino kupitiriza kukhala ndi munthu amene ali ndi maganizo olakwika? Awa anali ena mwa mafunso omwe ndidalimbana nawo tili pachibwenzi komanso pambuyo pake, monga ndikutsimikiza kuti anthu ambiri, omwe adakumanapo ndi zofanana ndi zawo, amatero. 

Kuti ndimve zambiri za kulephera kwamalingaliro muukwati komanso maubwenzi okondana, ndinalankhula ndi psychotherapist. Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Zandithandiza kudziwa bwino za ine ndekha komanso ubale wanga wakale, ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti zimakuthandizani kuyendetsa wanu. 

Kodi Kusokoneza Maganizo Ndi Chiyani? 

Kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro kumatanthauza kuvomereza malingaliro a munthu wina, ngakhale simukugwirizana ndi momwe akumvera. Akunena kuti, “Kumva kwanu kuli koyenera”, osati kudzera m'mawu anu okha komanso zochita zanu. Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro ndikosiyana ndendende ndi izi. Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza zokhumudwitsa mu ubale monga:

• Mchitidwe wokana, kunyoza, kutaya kapena kunyalanyaza maganizo a wina
• Zitha kukhala mawu kapena osalankhula, zomwe zimatsogolera ku kuchitira nkhanza mwakachetechete
• Zitha kuchitika mosalakwa ngati munthu amene wasokoneza malingaliro a wina sakuzindikira mphamvu ya zochita kapena mawu awo, kapena ngati pali kusiyana kwa chikhalidwe. Kapena zikhoza kuchitidwa mwadala monga kusatetezeka, kubwezera, chinyengo, kapena kuti zigwirizane ndi zomwe anthu akuganiza.
• Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lokonza malingaliro awo amatha kutengera malingaliro olakwika muubwenzi ngati njira yodzitetezera.
• Zikachitika mosalekeza, zimatha kukhala zankhanza

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Ngakhale pakakhala kusiyana maganizo, kukambirana momasuka ndi kutsimikizira kumasonyeza kuti munthu ndi wapadera komanso kuti ali ndi ufulu wosankha zochita.” Kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro mu maubwenzi Amasunga mphamvu mu mgwirizano ndipo amalimbikitsa kukhutitsidwa, chisangalalo, ndi kulumikizana, ndipo kutaya malingaliro kumachita zosiyana ndendende. 

Zizindikiro 23 Zosavomerezeka M'malingaliro mu Ubale

Sitingakane kuti tikukhala m'dera lomwe zizindikiro za kulephera kwamalingaliro zimatha kuwoneka mosavuta komanso kulikonse, makamaka-komanso zodabwitsa-m'malumikizano athu apamtima.  

• Kufotokozera zakukhosi kumawonedwa ngati kulumala m'magulu opunduka m'malingaliro
• N’zosadabwitsa kuti anthu ambiri amasangalala kukana kutsimikizika kwamalingaliro chifukwa iwo apangidwa kuti apeze mawonekedwe a malingaliro okhumudwitsa kapena ochititsa manyazi
• Nthawi zina, kulephera kumabwera chifukwa cha munthu yemwe akulimbana ndi zovuta zake komanso kutopa kwambiri kotero kuti sangathe kupereka chithandizo chamalingaliro.
• Kapena anthuwo ndi odzikonda kwambiri moti sangathe kuika maganizo a ena patsogolo ndi pakati

Ndiye mungadziwe bwanji ngati malingaliro anu akulephera mu ubale? Nazi zizindikiro zodziwika kuti wokondedwa wanu akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu:

1. Wokondedwa wanu amachepetsa ululu wanu - "Sizoipa kwambiri"

Ngakhale kuti nthawi zambiri zimachitika mwangozi, zimakhala zowawa pamene mnzanuyo akulepheretsani kulimbana kwanu mwa kunyoza, kunyoza, kapena kukunyozani. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zodziwika bwino za kusokoneza maganizo mwangozi ndipo nthawi zambiri zimawonedwa mwa okondedwa omwe amachokera kumadera osiyana kwambiri. Chifukwa chachikulu cha izi ndi chikhalidwe chimene munthu amalandira, chomwe chimapangitsa nkhani yomveka ngati kuvutitsidwa kusukulu kukhala nkhani yoseketsa kwa wina. Iwo akhoza kuchita:

• Akafuna kunena kuti vuto lanu silofunikira - "thetsani kale. Si vuto lalikulu"
• Akaona kuti nkhani zanu ndi zoseketsa chifukwa ndi zachilendo kwa iwo - "Ndipo munayamba kulira? Ha ha ha"
• Akamachotsa malingaliro anu chifukwa cha kugonana kwanu - "Ndiwe Nancy Pants / floozy / pansy"

2. Amachotsa malingaliro anu - "Mumaganizira chilichonse"

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoipitsitsa za kufooka m'maganizo ndi pamene maganizo anu amachotsedwa chifukwa chakuti mukugwirizana ndi maganizo anu ndi malingaliro anu, ndipo mnzanuyo satero. Kusiyanasiyana kwa anthu omwe ali muubwenzi kumatengera malingaliro ndi chimodzi mwazinthu izi zofala kwambiri maubale mavuto. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza:

• Onetsani chifundo chanu ngati chilema — “Lekani kunena kuti, 'Mnyamata wanga amanyalanyaza malingaliro anga!' Ndiwe sensitive kwambiri”
• Dziwani momwe mukumvera ngati "chinthu chachilendo" cha anthu ammudzi - "Inu amayi/anthu aku GenZ/anthu akumidzi"

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3. Amayerekezera ululu wanu ndi ena - "Ganizirani za anthu a ku Ukraine / Palestine / Iraq / Nigeria"

Ngakhale kuti chida chomwe chimatha kuyeza kupwetekedwa mtima kwa munthu sichinapangidwebe, anthu amakonda kuyerekeza kukula kwa ululu ngati kuti n'kotheka. Ngakhale zili zoona kuti wina wochokera kudera lankhondo atha kukhala ndi vuto lovutirapo kwambiri poyerekeza ndi wina yemwe akuyesera kutero. kulimbana ndi kutha, n’kusalungama kuyerekeza ziwirizo. Sikuti sikungothandiza aliyense wa anthu okhudzidwa ndi nkhondo, komanso kumapangitsanso wina aliyense kusokoneza maganizo awo. Kusiyapo pyenepi, kufananiza pyenepi nee pisabveka kuti ndi lini na mwakuthema kubvera ntsisi. Mukhozanso kuyang'ana wokondedwa wanu:

• Chisoni chachikulu - "Ndikudziwa zomwe mukumva. Bambo anga atamwalira ... (akupita ku mphindi 20)"
• Kudzipangitsa kukhala chilimbikitso kwa inu - "Ndinali nacho choipa kuwirikiza kakhumi kuposa iwe, koma ndili pano"
• Pokuyerekezani ndi munthu yemwe amamudziwa kuti mumamuda - "Pepani, koma mukudziwa zomwe Karen anachita atakumana ndi vutoli ..."

4. Amayesa kupepukitsa zinthu ndi toxic positivity — “Osachepera muli nazo izi” 

Njira ina yodziwika kuti wokondedwa wanu angasokoneze malingaliro anu mwadala ndikuyesera kukusangalatsani. Poizoni positivity ndi nthabwala. Kukhala ndi chiyembekezo ndikwabwino, koma monga china chilichonse, kuchulukitsitsa kwa chilichonse kumatha kukhala kowopsa. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe wokondedwa wanu akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu omwe simungathe kuwawona chifukwa amabisala poyera. 

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Muyenera kupeŵa kuchita nthabwala zimene zingayambitse mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Nthabwala zingakhale zongoganizira za inu nokha. Akhoza kuyesa "kuwunikira" zinthu mwa:

• Kupereka chithandizo - "N'chifukwa chiyani ukuda nkhawa zakuchotsedwa ntchito? Ndimapeza ndalama zokwanira tonsefe"
• Kukhululukira ngati gawo la ndondomekoyi - "Ndikuganiza kuti iyi ndi gawo lakukhala makolo, eh? Ndife amwayi"
• Kusasiya mpata wamalingaliro ena - "Muli ndi banja lodabwitsa chotere. Mukufunanso chiyani?"

5. Amayesa kugwirizana ndi maganizo anu — “Musamamve chonchi”

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Mnzanuyo angakhale akuchita zimenezi mosadziŵa, koma nthaŵi zambiri zimakhala choncho ngati sakufuna kukutsegulani maganizo kuti mwina inuyo mungakhale ndi njira yolankhulirana ndi mmene mukumvera.” Choyipa kwambiri ndichakuti mnzanuyo sangazindikire kuti akukupwetekani mwa:

• Kupereka zosintha pamalingaliro anu - "Sindikuganiza kuti mwakwiya. Mwina muli ndi njala basi?"
• Kukulimbikitsani kuti muipitse - "Si bwino kuganiza za izo"
• Kuchotseratu mawu anu okhudzidwa - "Simukuwoneka achisoni"

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6. Akunena kuti mukuchita kuti mumvetsere - "Kodi mukufuna kukhala bwino?"

Pamene wokondedwa wanu alibe maganizo ofanana ndi inu kapena akukayikira momwe mukumvera, nthawi zambiri amatanthauzira kusonyeza kwanu ngati pempho loti mumvetsere. Izi zikachitika, nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kuwauza zomwe mukumva. Amakulepheretsani ndi:

• Kuwonetsa kuti mumakonda kuwonetsa momwe mukumvera - "Osapanga zochitika pano," "Ndinu odabwitsa," kapena "Chifukwa chiyani muyenera kuzifotokoza tsopano?"
• Kutsata chosowa chanu cha anthu omwe amakuthandizani - "Sungani misozi yanu. Palibe amene ali pano kuti akuwoneni"
• Mukuyembekeza kuti mungathe lamulirani maganizo anu muubwenzi mosavuta — “Pepani kuti mwasankha kumverera motere” kapena “Lekani kuganiza mopambanitsa/kukhala ndi nkhawa/kukhala ndi nkhawa”
• Kusonyeza kuti ndi pempho kuti alimvetsere - "Ndimagwira ntchito molimbika tsiku lililonse. Pepani kuti ndilibe nthawi yocheza nanu"

 7. Amakulimbikitsani kuti muiwale zomwe zinakuchitikirani m'malo mochira - "Ingosiyani"

Zowawa zamtundu uliwonse zimayambitsa kuthawa, ndewu, kuzizira, kapena kuyankha kwa fawn mwa munthu payekha. Palibe "kuyiwala" kuyankha. Ubongo wamunthu ukhoza kuyambitsa kutsekeka, komwe ndi gawo la kuyankha kozizira. Koma ngakhale muzochitika zotere, munthu ayenera kuwongolera bwino malingaliro ake kuti achire ku zoopsazo. Monga momwe a phunziro, kuiŵala kapena kuyesa kubisa malingaliro angafikire kuwakulitsa. Mutha kuwona mwa okondedwa anu:

• Kupanda mphwayi pakuwongolera bwino kwamalingaliro - "Kuyamwa"
• Chizoloŵezi chobisa chilichonse - "Tisalankhule za izi"
• Kuyesera kutseka nkhaniyo - "Zomwe zachitika zachitika. Sitingachite chilichonse. Tiyiwale"

8. Amalungamitsa chilichonse kudzera mu kampasi ya makhalidwe abwino - “chifuniro cha Mulungu”.

Anthu akhala akugwiritsa ntchito mulungu, chipembedzo, kapena makhalidwe abwino kulungamitsa mavuto awo. Kukhulupirira Mulungu kapena kukhala mbali ya gulu kungakhale njira yothandizira anthu ambiri, koma kulungamitsa vuto la wina sikungakhale lingaliro labwino. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo siziyenera kukhala chifukwa cholepheretsa maganizo a mnzanuyo. Mutha kuwona zizindikiro zakulephera kwamalingaliro pamene anthu:

• Bweretsani Karma mu chithunzi - "Chilichonse chimachitika pa chifukwa"
• Onetsani kuti zomwe mukukumana nazo zilibe kanthu — “Mulungu sakupatsani zochuluka kuposa momwe mungathere”
• Khalani otsimikiza - “Pempherani kwa ndipo zonse zikhala bwino”

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9. Akunena kuti mukunamizira — “Ndikutsimikiza kuti sichinakhale choyipa chotere”

Kusavomerezeka muukwati ndi maubwenzi okondana kumatha kuchitika ngati m'modzi wa okwatirana akuvutikira kukhulupirira mnzake. Izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri ngati m'modzi mwa okondedwa amadzikayikira kwambiri. Izi zitha kutenganso mawonekedwe a kuyatsa gasi mu maubwenzi zikachitika mwadala. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza:

• Kukayikira nkhani zanu - "Kodi mukutsimikiza kuti ndi zomwe ananena?" kapena “Koma n’chifukwa chiyani ananena zimenezo?”
• Onetsani kulephera kwanu kuzindikira zochitika - "Kodi mumavala magalasi anu?"
• Perekani zomwe zidachitika m'mbuyomu kuti zikulepheretseni - "Munanenanso izi sabata yatha. Ndikuyenera kukukhulupirirani bwanji?"

10. Amakupeputsa - "Sizidachitika choncho"

Anthu akafuna kukulepheretsani dala, akuchita izi kuti mutengere zomwe akuwona kuti ndi zoyenera. A sitepe siginecha wa kuyatsa gasi n’chakuti nthawi zambiri amapotoza nkhani kuti zioneke ngati zinazake zachitika. Iwo amachita ndi:

• Kuwonetsa kuti simungathe kuweruza zenizeni - "Mwakhala mukupsinjika kwambiri posachedwapa" kapena "Simunamvetse bwino"
• Kukupangitsani kukhala ndi udindo pa khalidwe lawo losavomerezeka - "Mumaoneka ngati mudzalira pamaso pa anthu onse. Ndikanachita chiyani china kupatulapo kusiya phwando?"
• Kukupatulani kwa anthu ena — “Anzanu amakusekani”

11. Akhoza kukuimbani mlandu — “Bwanji simungakhale osangalala kamodzi kokha?”

Ndinaleredwa ndi mayi amene sankandikonda. Sindinali womasuka kulankhula naye pafoni, pomwe adandiimba mlandu chifukwa chosamuyendera mokwanira. Rory nthawi zambiri amachotsa nkhawa yanga yokumana naye. Izi zinali zankhanza, osati chifukwa chakuti ndinali ndikulimbana ndi malingaliro anga kwa iye, koma chifukwa cha Rory. kusowa chifundo zinandivuta kuti ndilankhule naye za nkhaniyi. Anzanu amfupi nthawi zambiri:

• Kulakwa monga momwe Rory anandichitira - "Amayi anu ali moyo. Anga anamwalira"
• Pangani kuti mukhale osungulumwa pagulu - "Sangalalani! Aliyense wabwera chifukwa cha inu" (monyoza)
• Mukuvutika kumvera chisoni - "Postpartum depression? Mukumva kukhumudwa chifukwa cha ana okongolawa?"

12. Amayesa kukuchititsa manyazi — “Unali kuvala chiyani?”

Mphwayi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala kwambiri za kulephera kwamaganizo. Kaŵirikaŵiri, pamene okwatirana awona kukhala kovuta kugwirizana m’maganizo, mmodzi wa iwo angakhale mphwayi kwa mnzakeyo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu sakunyalanyazani pankhani ya kugonana, angayese kukuchititsani manyazi chifukwa cha chilakolako chanu cha kugonana kapena chilakolako chanu chogonana. Ikhoza kukhala a chizindikiro chochenjeza cha mwamuna wolamulira kapena mkazi. Kapena mumkhalidwe woipa kwambiri, ngati wina akukuzunzani, mnzanuyo angaganize kuti ndinu ogwirizana. Iwo akhozanso:

• Khalani ndi udindo wachilungamo - "Ndimagwira ntchito ngati kapolo, koma simungathe kulamulira zilakolako zanu"
• Ganizirani kuti mwavomera nkhanzazo - "Kodi mudawapatsa zizindikiro zilizonse? Kapena "aliyense akuwoneka kuti ali ndi kanthu kwa inu"

13. Amanamizira kukuthandizani — “Ndi bwino chotere”

Njira inanso imene anthu okwatirana amakuvutitsani m’maganizo ndiyo kunamizira kuti akukuthandizani. Kukhoza kusiyanitsa pakati pa chithandizo ndi yankho ndi khalidwe lamtengo wapatali.

• Amanena kuti amakuthandizani, koma nthawi zambiri samvetsera zimene mukunena. M’malo mwake, amapereka mayankho pamene mukunena kuti simukuwafuna
• Iwo, nthawi zina, amabisa zinthu kwa inu - "Ndikuyesera kukutetezani"
• Nthawi zina, thandizo lawo likhoza kukhala lopunduka chifukwa umayamba kudzikayikira - "Kodi mukutsimikiza kuti mwakwaniritsa?" (kufunsa izi mobwerezabwereza)

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14. Akuchitapo kanthu m’malo mwako — “Udzandithokoza pambuyo pake”

Kuchitapo kanthu m'malo mwa wina, makamaka ngati sanapemphe, sikungopanda ulemu komanso kumalepheretsa bungwe lawo. Ngati mnzanu akuchitirani zinthu zina m'malo mwanu, mudzazindikira:

• Chitsanzo cha kunyalanyaza zofuna zanu. Izi nthawi zambiri zimatsagana ndi kamvekedwe kokhumudwitsa kapena kokayikitsa, kupangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati mukubwereza mawu anu - "Ndimaganiza kuti MUkufuna izi"
• Lingaliro loti akukuchitirani zabwino - "Ndikuyesera kukuthandizani" kapena "Ndi za ubwino wanu" kapena "Simudzachita izi popanda ine"

15. Amapewa udindo — “Ndatopa ndi sh*t”

Izi zimachitika kawirikawiri m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo akafuna kudzitsekera m'nyumba chifukwa zimawavuta kuti akwaniritse zosowa za mnzawoyo. Ngakhale mwangozi, izi zitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito ngati njira yodzitetezera kuti mupewe udindo wamalingaliro mu maubwenzi. Pali:

• Kukonda kukhululukira zolakwa zawo - “Si chifukwa changa, ndakhala ndikugwira ntchito molimbika tsiku lonse”
• Kudzikonzekeretsa nthawi iliyonse mukabweretsa china chake - "Sindikumva bwino. Kodi tingakambirane nthawi ina?"
• Mchitidwe wongokunyalanyazani ndikukuuzani zomwe akuganiza kuti ndizofunikira kwambiri - "Eya, chabwino. Mwamva izi ...?"

16. Amabwezera chilango - “Kodi umawakonda bwanji kukoma kwa mankhwala ako?

Dr. Bhonsle anati, “Mnzake wokonda kubwezera akhoza kukhala wochenjera ndipo akhoza kusonyeza Mchitidwe wongokhala waukali mu maubwenzi. Zimenezi zingaonekerenso akamakutsutsani chifukwa akuona kuti m’pofunika kukupatsani chilango pa zimene munachita.” Izi zitha kukhala zokhumudwitsa chifukwa:

• Akhoza kusiyiratu nkhaniyo - "Ndi zosoka basi. N'chifukwa chiyani ukukuwa? Sindinakuwa kwambiri pamene ndinabala mwana wako."
• Iwo amabweretsa mkangano womwe wathetsedweratu—“Sindingadziwe mmene ndingakuthandizireni pankhani zandalama popeza, monga mmene munanenera tsiku lina, ndangokhala pakhomo tsiku lonse” kapena “Simunanene chilichonse pamene ndinachotsedwa ntchito.
• Amafuna zabwino kuchokera kwa inu - "Mukufunika phewa langa kuti ndilirire. Mukudziwa zomwe ndikusowa ... ”

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17. Akukukayikirani, “Kodi ndikukukhulupirirani Bwanji Pambuyo pa chochitikacho?

Anthu omwe ali ndi vuto losokoneza bongo kapena matenda amisala nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi izi. Wokondedwa wawo akhoza kusonyeza kusakhulupirira kapena kukana zomwe akumana nazo. Kusakhulupirira uku kumakula kwambiri pambuyo poti zachitika mobwerezabwereza. Chomvetsa chisoni n'chakuti, mtunda wa pakati pa okondedwa umakula ndi nthawi pamene aliyense amapeza zovuta kukhulupirira winayo. Izi zimachitika pafupipafupi motere:

• Amakayikira kudalirika kwanu - "Kodi mumamwa?"
• Amatsimikiza kuchokera kwa munthu wina pamaso panu
• Amapangitsa kukhala cholemetsa - "Ndikungolakalaka mutasiya kundichitira izi"

18. Amapeputsa zomwe zikukuyambitsani - "Aziwomba saopa, ndi oseketsa"

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zodziwika bwino zomwe zimasonyeza kuti mnzanuyo akunyalanyaza malingaliro anu ndikuti amachepetsa zomwe zikuyambitsa. Zitha kukhala zankhanza mnzako akakunyoza, amanena zinthu zopweteka, kapena kufunsa mafunso omwe akukuyambitsani, kaya mwachita mwadala kapena mosadziwa. Izi zimachitika nthawi zambiri pakapanda kumvetsetsa momwe phobias / zoopsa zimagwirira ntchito. Mutha kuwona:

• Chizoloŵezi chomakunyozani chifukwa cha zomwe amaona ngati zabwinobwino - "O, ndiye kuti ukuopa mtundu wachikasu? Mwina ndiyenera kukhala blonde"
• Kukwiyidwa ndi zomwe amaona kuti ndi zoyenera - "Trypophobia, huh? Kodi wophika wanu adaphika buledi popanda mabowo?"
• Chizoloŵezi chochinyalanyaza mukayamba - "Phunzirani kuchita nthabwala"

19. Amakukakamizani kuchita zinthu zosasangalatsa - "Palibe ululu, palibe phindu"

Choyipa kwambiri chomwe wokondedwa wanu angachite kwa inu ndikukukakamizani kuti muzichita zinthu zosasangalatsa komanso zosasangalatsa m'dzina la "kukulitsa" inu. Pamene kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti khalidwe likhoza kusinthidwa pamene mukukumana ndi vuto linalake losasangalatsa, kukumana nalo mwakufuna kwanu ndi kukankhidwiramo ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana. Kukakamizika kuchita zinazake kungapangitse kuti zinthu ziipireipire. Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati malingaliro anu akulephera?

• Amakukankhirani dala mumikhalidwe yovuta - "Kodi mungagonjetse bwanji agoraphobia ngati simutuluka?"
• Amakunyozani - "Onani, ngakhale ana ang'onoang'ono akugwiritsa ntchito elevator. Zimangotenga masekondi 20"
• Amakupwetekani ngati mukulephera kupirira kupsinjika maganizo - "Ndikuyesera kukuthandizani, simundikhulupirira?"

20. Akunena kuti ukunama - "Zowona, mutu ukukupweteka tsopano"

Woyamba wanga, Rory, anali ndi njira yoyipa kwambiri yotchulira migraines monga "ndinapanga" kuti ndimulange. Iye angakane kukhulupirira kuti migraines inatha masiku angapo. Anatsimikiza kuti ndinali wokwiya chifukwa ndinkafuna kukana "thandizo" lake. Iye sankadziwa momwe angachitire kucheza ndi munthu amene ali ndi nkhawa. Mwachidule, sizinali zachilendo kumva:

• "Ndimalankhula nawe bwanji osakupweteka mutu?"
• "Choncho, mutha kugwira ntchito ndi mutu, koma osagonana"
• “Musandiuze chochita, ndidzipweteka mutu”

21. Akunena mawu abwino ndi mawu olakwika

Mutha kuwona kuti mnzanuyo akugwiritsa ntchito mawu olondola, koma kamvekedwe kawo kamakhala kozimitsa ndipo mutha kumveketsa bwino kusowa chifundo ndi chithandizo. Mutha kuzindikira:

• Mawu achipongwe kapena achipongwe
• Ndemanga zina zimayankhulidwa pambali zazikulu
• Kusowa mtundu m'mawu awo. Zimakhala ngati akubwereza mawu omwe amawerenga penapake osawalankhula kuchokera pansi pamtima

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22. Zizindikiro zosagwirizana ndi mawu za kulephera kwamalingaliro

Nthawi zambiri, si zomwe akunena, koma zomwe amachita. Abwenzi osasamala nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsa mphwayi pogwiritsa ntchito zizindikiro za thupi. Mndandandawu ukuphatikiza, koma osalekezera ku:

• Zizindikiro za nkhope: Kugudubuza maso, kuusa moyo, kutsina milomo, kukweza nsidze
• Chilankhulo zizindikiro: Kupatuka kwa inu, kuyang'ana pa foni yawo pamene mukuyankhula, kukugwedezani mutu koma kuyang'ana chinachake, kusokonezedwa ndi chinachake pa zovala zanu, fidget, etc.
• Kupewa kukhalapo: Wokondedwa wanu amakunyalanyazani kwa masiku ambiri kapena amakhala m'chipinda china. Iwo amasunga mtunda pakati pa inu nonse

23. Kusintha koyipa m'makhalidwe anu

Pang'onopang'ono, ngati izi zipitilira, inu kapena anthu omwe akuzungulirani mukuwona kusintha kwakukulu m'makhalidwe anu. Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti inuyo kapena anthu ozungulira inu simumasuka ndi kusintha kumeneku. Chotsatira chachikulu cha mnzako kukulepheretsani ndikuti kudzidalira kwanu kumakhudzidwa kwambiri ndipo mukuyamba kuwonetsa. zizindikiro za khalidwe lodzikayikira. Zosintha zotsatirazi zitha kuwoneka mu umunthu wanu:

• Mumayamba kukhala ndi nkhawa pogawana chilichonse ndi wina aliyense
• Mumayamba kupeputsa nkhani zanu mpaka momwe zimakhalira chizolowezi. Lingaliro lakuti mukupweteka limakhala lachilendo kwambiri moti mumadabwa anthu ena akakuvomerezani
• Mumayamba kuchita zinthu monyanyira ndikupita kukatentha ndi kuzizira pa anthu. Mumadzimva kukhala wokhumudwa komanso wokhumudwa nthawi zina, pomwe muli amphamvu komanso olimbikitsidwa ndi ena
• Mumakayikira nkhani yanu. Mumayamba kupanga 'umboni', monga zowonera, ngati wina akukayikani. Makamaka pamene muli ndi gasi. Chizindikiro china chodziwika kuchokera ku khalidweli ndikuyamba kudzifotokozera nokha kuti mutsimikizire kudalirika kwanu
• Mumaopa kukumana ndi anthu atsopano ndipo nthawi zonse mumaopa kuti adzakuweruzani

Kodi Zotsatira Zakusokoneza Maganizo Mumaubwenzi Ndi Chiyani?  

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro kumatha kuwononga thanzi lamunthuyo pakulandila. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kusonyeza mmene tikumvera mumtima mwathu ndi njira imene chikumbumtima chathu chimalankhulirana ndi chikumbumtima chathu.” Pamene mnzanuyo anyalanyaza malingaliro anu kapena kunena kuti zilibe kanthu, zimadzetsa chisokonezo ndipo zingavulaze kwambiri ngati palibe chisamaliro choyenera. Zotsatira za kulephera kwamalingaliro mu maubwenzi ndi monga:

1. Kuwonongeka kwamaganizo

Malinga ndi phunziro, kulephera kwamaganizo kosalekeza kungathe kuneneratu kuyamba kwa kuvutika maganizo. Kuwonjezera pa kuchititsa kusungulumwa, kudziona ngati wopanda pake, kusokonezeka maganizo, ndiponso kudziona ngati wosafunika kwa munthu wokhudzidwayo, kulephera kumagwira ntchito nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa mtunda wamalingaliro, mikangano, ndi kusokonekera kwa anthu. 

• Zingasokoneze mphamvu ya munthu yodziletsa kutengeka maganizo ndi makhalidwe ake, kuwapangitsa kukhala osamasuka pamene ali ndi anthu.
• Kumasokoneza kudziona kuti ndi wofunika, zomwe zimachititsa munthu kupsa mtima, kudzimvera chisoni, kuchita manyazi, ndiponso kudziona ngati wopanda pake.
• Malinga ndi phunziro, pamene mnzanu akunyalanyazani kapena kukukanizani maganizo anu, zingathenso kusokoneza ntchito yanu ya tsiku ndi tsiku ndikuwonjezera chiopsezo chawo chokhala ndi matenda a maganizo monga nkhawa, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), ndi borderline personality disorder (BPD)

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2. Kukupangitsani kukayikira zenizeni zanu

Pamene malingaliro anu akulepheretsedwa ndi mnzanuyo, zimabweretsa kuganiza kuti malingaliro anu ndi opanda nzeru, osayenera, kapena osafunika. Zitha kupanga kusagwirizana ndi zomwe zili zenizeni. Zadziwika kuti kusavomerezeka nthawi zambiri kumayambitsa kukwera kwamalingaliro achiwiri monga mkwiyo ndi manyazi poletsa kuwonetsa zakukhosi ngati melancholy. Malinga ndi kafukufuku, anthu omwe akulimbana kale ndi kuwongolera malingaliro nthawi zambiri amayankha mwankhanza kwambiri pamene chisoni chawo sichikuvomerezedwa m'maganizo.

• Anthu okhudzidwa ndi malingaliro amakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi kulephera kwamalingaliro
• Kusokonezeka maganizo kungabwere chifukwa chophunzitsidwa kuti zochita za munthu n’zolakwika ndiponso n’zosafunika
• Izi zingayambitse kutayika kwa kudzidalira ndipo amalekanitsa anthu kuchowonadi chimene iwo amafunikira ndipo ali a dziko lowazungulira
• Zitha kuwapangitsa kukhala okayikira nthawi zonse pa zomwe amadziwa komanso kuthekera kwawo kuzindikira zinthu zowazungulira

3. Zowawa zokhalitsa

Aliyense akhoza kukhudzidwa ndi zotsatira za kusavomerezeka, mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu, jenda, kapena chikhalidwe, koma ana ndi omwe ali pachiopsezo chachikulu. Popeza kuzindikira kwawo ndi kuzindikira kwawo kwa dziko kukukulabe, kusavomerezeka kumabweretsa kufalikira kudziona ngati wosatetezeka. Zimenezi zingakhudze mmene amafotokozera zakukhosi kwawo. 

• Malinga ndi phunziro, kusaloledwa kwa anzawo ndi achibale kunapezeka kuti kumawonjezera ngozi ya zochitika zodzipha kapena zochitika zodzivulaza mwa achinyamata.
• china phunziro adawonetsa momwe kufooka kwamalingaliro paubwana ndi unyamata kungayambitse kuponderezedwa. Nthawi zambiri zimabweretsa zovuta zamalingaliro m'zaka zakutsogolo, makamaka mwa mawonekedwe a kupsinjika ndi nkhawa zokhudzana ndi nkhawa

Kodi Mumayankhira Bwanji Kusavomerezeka Kwamalingaliro?

Kuzindikira kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro muubwenzi wanu, mukakhala pamavuto, ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti mudziteteze sikophweka. Ndinali kulimbana ndi imfa ya abambo anga, ndipo kumva Rory akusisima kapena akusisima chifukwa ndinali chete kapena kulira sikunathandize. Ndikanapewa vuto lililonse limene lingandiyambitse. Kenako ndinayamba kuyembekezera zimene angachite ndipo ndinayamba kuchita zinthu zimene zingamusangalatse. 

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro kwanthawi yayitali kungayambitse kupwetekedwa mtima mwa anthu, kuyambitsa kuyankha kwawo kwankhondo-kuwuluka-kuzizira-kwawo. Mutha kulowa munjira yopulumuka yosatha, yomwe imatha kuwononga thanzi lanu m'kupita kwanthawi. Ndicho chifukwa chake, ngati mungagwirizane ndi zizindikiro zomwe mnzanuyo akutsutsa malingaliro anu, m'pofunika kuchitapo kanthu kuti muteteze maganizo anu. Nawa maupangiri 5 amomwe mungayankhire pakuletsedwa kwa okondedwa:  

1. Muyenera kukhazikitsa zoletsa ndi malire

M'buku lake, Mzere Wosaoneka, katswiri wa zamaganizo Benjamin Fry akukambirana za ntchito yotsekera ndi malire kuti atsimikizire ndi kupititsa patsogolo ubwino wathu. Malinga ndi Fry, chosungira chimatanthawuza momwe timawongolera mayankho athu pazochitika zilizonse, pomwe malire amagwira ntchito kuti achepetse chikoka chazomwe zimatilimbikitsa pamoyo wathu komanso m'malingaliro. Pamene zosungira ndi malire zikugwiritsidwa ntchito moyenera, zingathandize munthu kuthana ndi vuto la maganizo.

• Yesani njira zoyambira kuti muzitha kudziletsa. Yang'anani kwambiri zomwe zikukuzungulirani, yang'anani kwambiri mwatsatanetsatane, yang'anani kwambiri momwe tsatanetsataneyo akukulitsirani kudzera m'malingaliro osiyanasiyana.
• Phunzirani kukana kukhazikitsa malire abwino mu maubwenzi. Ngati mukuganiza kuti vuto lingakuyambitseni, chitanipo kanthu mpaka mutakhala bwino kuti muthane nalo

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2. Muyenera kuyesa kudzitsimikizira nokha

Muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti simungadalire kutsimikizika kwa anthu ena. Sikuti zimangokupangitsani kudalira zokopa zakunja kuti muyambitse zoyambitsa chimwemwe, komanso zingayambitse kudzidalira. Muyenera kudziuza nokha ndikuvomereza kuti malingaliro anu ndi olondola, osafunikira kutsimikiziridwa ndi wina, kuphatikiza wina wanu. Kudzitsimikizira nokha kungaphatikizepo kuvomereza nokha ndi zosowa zanu, kudzipirira nokha, ndi kuphunzira kukhala ndi zolakwa zanu.

• Sungani zolemba zanu. Lembani zolinga zanu ndipo lembani pamene mukuchita chinachake kuti mukwaniritse zolingazi
• Dziwani zovuta zanu. Mungayesetse kuthetsa nkhani zimenezi, koma ngati simungathe, phunzirani kukhazikitsa mtendere nawo
• Nthawi zonse mukakhala kuti mulibe vuto, kumbukirani kunena kuti, "Zili bwino." Dzipatseni nokha zolankhula zomwe mukufuna
• Osayang'ana pa kuyesa kusintha ena kuti adzitsimikizire nokha. Sitingathe kukonza makhalidwe a ena kuti agwirizane ndi ife tokha. Ngati mukukhala mukuzunzidwa kosatha, ndiye kuti nthawi yopitilira 

3. Muyenera kuyimitsa

Ngati mnzanuyo amakulepheretsani nthawi zambiri, kaya mwadala kapena mwangozi, muyitane. Adzadabwa, kukhumudwa, kapena kukwiya poyamba, koma muyenera kuwauza kuti zimakupwetekani.

• Dziwani zomwe mukuwona kuti ndizolakwika. Auzeni nthawi yomweyo
• Muyenera kuyimirira. Abwenzi onyenga amakhala aluso kwambiri podzizunza. Choncho phunzirani kumvetsa bwino nkhaniyi
• Limbikitsani kupuma, ngati kuipiraipira. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kutsutsa izi koma muyenera kuwauza momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi

4. Khalani kusintha nokha

Kusavomerezeka kwamalingaliro m'mabanja ndi maubwenzi okondana ndikofala kuposa momwe timaganizira. Nthawi zambiri amaonedwa kuti ndi abwino kapena amachitidwa ngati nthabwala. Kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro sikulinso. N’kutheka kuti nthawi ina munasokoneza maganizo a mnzanuyo. Phunzirani kumvera chisoni ndi kutenga mawu awo mozama.

• Gwiritsirani ntchito mawu ovomerezana wina ndi mzake. Gwiritsirani ntchito mawu ngati “Zikumveka zokhumudwitsa” m’malo mwa “Lekani kulira”
• Yang'anani mnzanuyo. Munthu amene nthawi zonse amakhala wofooka m'maganizo nthawi zonse amakhala pa zala zake
• Lankhulani nawo moona mtima. Lumikizanani nawo ndikuwafunsa ngati pali china chake chokhudza khalidwe lanu chomwe chimawavutitsa
• In midsommar, Dani nthawi zonse ankaopa kutayidwa ndi chibwenzi chake. Ichi ndi mantha omwe amapezeka pakati pa onse omwe ali ndi vuto la maganizo popanda kudandaula. Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti mulipo chifukwa cha zabwino ndi zoipa

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5. Osachita manyazi kuthandizidwa ndi akatswiri

Nditangozindikira kuti sindikuloledwa, ndinauza Rory kuti ndikufuna kupuma. Mosadabwitsa, anayamba kunena kuti ndi chiwembu chothetsa chibwenzicho, koma ine ndinaimirira. Malinga ndi lingaliro la mnzanga, ndinaganiza zolandira chithandizo. Chimenecho chinali chimodzi mwa zosankha zabwino kwambiri pamoyo wanga.

• Tengani nthawi kuti mugwirizane ndi malingaliro anu. Kusamala ndikofunikira ngati mukufuna kuti chithandizo chizigwira ntchito
• Pezani wothandizira woyenera pazosowa zanu. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi zabwino kwambiri gulu la asing'anga ndi alangizi pa zosowa zanu zonse zamaganizidwe

Maganizo Final

Ndi chikhulupiliro chofala kuti anthu omwe ali paubwenzi amathandizirana, ndipo kusavomerezeka kumachitika mwadala basi. Tsoka ilo, anthu nthawi zambiri samazindikira kuti atha kusokoneza anzawo mwangozi. Amachiwona ngati kuyesetsa "kuthandiza" wokondedwa wawo kuthana ndi zovuta, kapena amalephera kumva chisoni. 

Anthu amasokonezanso malingaliro chifukwa cha kusapeza kwawo chifukwa chokhala ndi malingaliro osasinthika omwe amayamba chifukwa cha malingaliro a mnzawo. Muzochitika zonsezi, ulusi wodziwika womwe umatsalira ndikuti kusavomerezeka kungayambitse kupsinjika maganizo kwambiri. Ngati muwona zizindikiro zilizonse zosokoneza muubwenzi wanu, chitanipo kanthu tsopano ndikuthandizira kumanga ubale wabwino.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.