Mumamva kuchokera kwa anzanu ndikuwerenga pa intaneti, koma mukakumana ndi chigololo nokha, simungachitire mwina koma kumva ngati mphepo yagunda pamatanga anu, ndikukusiyani osakonzekera kuthana nayo. Mkwiyo ndi kukhumudwitsidwa mwina kukusiyani kuti muthe kudziwa sitepe yotsatira. Komanso, khalidwe la anzako atagwidwa akubera ndi chinthu chomwe simungathe kukonzekera, mosasamala kanthu za kuchuluka kwa zomwe mukuchita.
Zitha kuwoneka ngati mukukhala ndi mafunso ambiri kuposa mayankho ndikukumana ndi okondedwa anu pomwe mukusemphana maganizo uku mulibe mwayi wobala zipatso.
Pofuna kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa zomwe mungayembekezere kuchokera kwa munthu wosakhulupirika komanso zomwe muyenera kuchita tsopano, tabweretsa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam , (katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthetsa mavuto awo a ubale kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri.
Kusintha Kwa Makhalidwe 5 Oyenera Kuyembekezera Kuchokera Kwa Okondedwa Wanu Pambuyo Pogwidwa Akunyenga
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kavita anati: “Mumayembekezera kuti mnzanuyo angakuyankheni monyanyira.
Kodi obera amadziona bwanji? Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati alapadi kapena akuyang'ana chithunzithunzi kuti asataye zomwe adakhazikitsa ndi inu? Kuti tikuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zomwe mungayembekezere, tiyeni tiwone zomwe mnzanuyo amachita atagwidwa akubera.
1. Kupewa mlandu
Monga nthawi zonse pafupifupi nkhani iliyonse ya kusakhulupirika, mukhoza kuyembekezera mnzanuyo kuyesa ndi kuloza mlandu kamodzi inu kukumana nawo pa zimene anachita.
“Ukhoza kuwapeza akudzudzula munthu winayo, akuyesera kuchita chilichonse chimene angathe kuti asaoneke ngati wolakwa.” Wokondedwa wanuyo anganene zinthu monga, “Sindinadziŵe kuti zichitika”, “Zinali zadzidzidzi”, “Sindinakonzekere,” “Ndinamwa mopitirira muyeso”, “munthu winayo anabwera mwamphamvu kwambiri, sindikanatha kunena kuti ayi,” akutero Kavita.
Izi ndi zina mwazinthu zomwe ochita chinyengo amanena akamayimbidwa mlandu. Ngakhale mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo sangayese kupeputsa mlandu, onetsetsani kuti mwapita kwa iwo ndi umboni wochuluka. Simungadziwiretu mmene munthu angachite akamamuimba mlandu ngati umenewu.
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2. Mapeto ena a sipekitiramu: Kuchonderera chikhululukiro & kubweza
Chinthu china chomwe anthu onyenga amachita akagwidwa ndi kupempha chikhululukiro. Mungawaone akumva chisoni kwambiri, akulira kuti asonyeze chisoni chawo ngakhale kuti panopa sakukhudzidwa ndi chisoni. Ndani analola ng'ona kulowa?
3. Akhoza kutembenuza magome
Monga njira yodziwika bwino yothanirana ndi vutoli, mutha kuyembekezeranso kuti wachinyengo atembenuze matebulo ndikuwunikirani.
Zonse zikalephera, mungayembekezere kuti iwo adzakudzudzulani kwambiri.” Iwo adzakuimbani mlandu, akumadzudzula kukambitsirana kulikonse kumene mumachita ndi amuna kapena akazi anzanu. Akufuna kuwonetsetsa kuti mwafika pamalo olimba, "akutero Kavita.
4. Chida chokonda kwambiri cha narcissist: Kuyatsa gasi
Ngati mukuchita ndi narcissist, akhoza kusankha kuzunzidwa m'maganizo ngati kuyatsa gasi. Popanda kusamala za momwe kuyatsa gasi kungawonongereni inu, iwo atenga njira iliyonse yofunikira kuti adzitulutse okha mu dzenje ili.
“Mnzako angayese kukupeputsa n’kunena zinthu monga, “Ndiwe woganiza mopambanitsa, uyenera kupita kukaonana ndi dokotala,” kapena, “Chifukwa cha kupusa kwako, wadzipanga misala.” Adzayesa kukupangitsa kukhulupirira kuti chinachake chalakwika ndi iwe,” anatero Kavita.
Kuchokera kuzinthu zonse zachinyengo zimanena pamene akuimbidwa mlandu, ngati mnzanuyo wasankha kudalira mawu opangira gaslighting kuti ayese kuwamasula ku kulakwa kulikonse, ndi mbendera yofiira yaikulu yomwe muyenera kuyang'ana.
5. Chisoni ndi kuvutika maganizo
Palinso kuthekera kuti mnzanuyo adzavutika ndi mlandu wa anthu onyenga , ndipo gawo lachinayi la chisoni lidzawagwira. Makamaka ngati mnzanuyo ndiye amene akuulula kwa inu, mungayembekezere kuti akuvutika ndi chisoni.
Ngati munthu wachinyengo sasonyeza chisoni, nthawi zonse amakhala ndi nkhawa. Koma kugonja ku zovuta zamaganizidwe monga kupsinjika maganizo kungapweteke wokondedwa wanu kwambiri. Ngati khalidwe lawo atagwidwa akubera layamba kudzichitira nkhanza komanso kukhumudwa, ayenera kulandira chithandizo nthawi yomweyo.
Nanga mwamuna amamva bwanji akagwidwa akubera? Kapena mkazi, pa nkhani imeneyi? Monga momwe mungadziwire pano, zimatengera momwe alili ngati munthu. Zimatengeranso momwe mumalimbana nawo, komanso zomwe mumawaneneza nazo.
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Mukalimbana ndi chimphepo choyambirira ndikutha kuthana ndi chipwirikiti chamalingaliro omwe mudakumana nawo, ino ndi nthawi yoti mudziwe zoyenera kuchita. Malingaliro anu osweka mtima ndi okwiya akhoza kukhala ndi malingaliro oyipa pang'ono akuyandama, koma mukudziwa kuti amenewo sangakupindulitseni.
Khalidwe la mnzanuyo akagwidwa akuchita chigololo mwina linkasiyana kwambiri kuyambira pa kudzikuza mpaka kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso. Komabe, njira zomwe muyenera kuchita nokha ndizofunika kwambiri.
Kavita amatiuza zonse zomwe tiyenera kudziwa za zomwe muyenera kuchita mutadutsa mumkhalidwe womvetsa chisoni wokumana ndi kusakhulupirika pakusintha kwanu.
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1. Dzikhazikitseni mtima pansi
Choyamba, yesani kudzikhazika mtima pansi musanatenge sitepe ina. “Kukatentha kwambiri, mukamakonzekera ndege kapena kumenya nkhondo, simungasinthe maganizo anu moyenera,” akutero Kavita.
Zitha kuwoneka ngati malingaliro miliyoni akuthamanga m'maganizo mwanu, koma nthawi yomweyo, simukukonzekera chilichonse bwino. Kumbukirani kuti mukuyendabe pakati pa kukana ndi kukwiyitsa pakuchita ndi chisoni.
“Kenako, mukakhala mumkhalidwe wodekha, lembani chilichonse chimene mwakhala mukuchilingalira ponena za mkhalidwewo.
2. Kambiranani nanu
Tawona zinthu zonse zachinyengo zimanena ndi kuchita, tsopano yafika nthawi yoti mufufuze zomwe mukuganiza komanso kunena. Kavita akufotokoza mwachidule mafunso onse omwe muyenera kudzifunsa panthawi yovutayi:
"Lembani mndandanda wa zabwino ndi zoyipa. Kodi ubalewu ndi woyenera kutsatiridwa? Dzifunseni mafunso onse ovuta omwe muyenera kuwayankha. Kodi mungakhululukire mnzanu ? Kodi mungakhale naye ndikukhala naye pachibwenzi? Kodi mudzatha kumukhulupirira pambuyo pa izi?"
"Ndiye chimachitika ndi chani ukakhala nawo panopa? Nanga akakhalabe akunyengerera atagwidwa? Dzifunseni zinthu monga momwe mumakhulupilira kuwona mtima kwa mnzako. Zikutheka kuti angakutengereni mopepuka ngati muwakhululukira?"
3. Pezani m'munsimu chifukwa chake zidachitika
Ngakhale zitha kuwoneka ngati zomaliza zomwe mukufuna kuchita, ngati mukufuna kuti mphamvu zanu zikhale ndi mwayi wopulumuka, muyenera kuyesa kudziwa chomwe chidapangitsa kuti chochitikachi chichitike.
"Yesetsani kudziwa ngati simunayang'ane zizindikiro zofiira muubwenzi wanu. Kodi mwapeza osadziwika osadziwika mu foni ya mnzanu? Kodi munayamba mwawawona akutuluka m'nyumba mwachinyengo? Kodi pali mikangano yosathetsedwa ndi mikangano yosasamala yomwe ingayambitse chinyengo? Lembani mndandanda wa mbendera zofiira zomwe mwina simunazinyalanyaze, ndipo angakuwonetseni chifukwa chake zidachitika, "akutero Kavita.
4. Osamangopita nokha
Ngakhale kuti ndi munthu m'modzi yekha amene wakuperekani, mutha kukhala osungulumwa kwambiri. Zitha kuwoneka zovuta kwambiri kupeza chithandizo ndipo ngati mukulimbana ndi malingaliro okhumudwa, ndizotheka mutha kukana thandizo kuchokera kwa okondedwa anu.
Chimodzi mwazinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe mungachite ndikupeza chithandizo. “MUKUFUNA kufunafuna anzanu okuthandizani kapena gulu lothandizira kuti likuthandizeni kuthana ndi izi,” akutero Kavita.
“Bwenzi likhoza kukuthandizani kuthetsa maganizo anu.” Pocheza nawo kapena ngakhale kungokhala chete.
M’malo mongoganizira mmene anthu ochita chinyengo amadzionera, yesetsani kupeza thandizo lokuthandizani. Kuyesera kuchita nokha kumangopangitsa kuti zinthu zikhale zovuta. Kubetcha kwanu bwino ndikufikira anzanu ndi anthu omwe amakukondani.
5. Lankhulani ndi bwenzi lanu
Mwina chofunika kwambiri ndikupeza momwe mungalankhulire ndi mnzanu komanso zomwe muuze. Kavita akutiuza chifukwa chake kamvekedwe ka mawu anu ndi zomwe mukunena ndizofunikira kwambiri:
"Mudziwitse mnzanuyo kuti mukufuna kulankhula naye, mopanda tsankho komanso mofatsa. Osakwiyitsa kapena kudzudzula mnzanu nthawi yomweyo. Mukatero mudzapeza mpata wolankhula. Yang'anani nthawi yoyenera pamene malingaliro sakukwezeka ndipo yesani kulankhula nawo.
M’pofunika kukambitsirana pamalo ochirikiza ndi osungika.” Ngakhale mutakhala kuti simunakumanepo ndi nkhanza, musalole kuti makambitsiranowo azichitika pamene zinthu monga nkhanza zakuthupi kapena zamaganizo zingachitikire.”
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6. Yambani machiritso
Pamene mumathera nthawi yanu kuganizira khalidwe mnzanuyo pambuyo kugwidwa chinyengo, n'zotheka mukhoza kuchedwa kuyamba machiritso anu. Monga vuto lina lililonse m'moyo wanu, zowawa ndi zowawa, zikasiyidwa, zimangokulirakulira.
"Yang'anani kumalo osungiramo thanzi labwino, ngati kuli kofunikira, kuti musinthe maganizo anu. Yesetsani kulingalira kapena kusinkhasinkha, kapena yesetsani kutenga zinthu monga yoga kapena tai chi, chirichonse chomwe chingakuthandizeni kuthana ndi ululu, "akutero Kavita.
Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
7. Yambani kulimbitsanso chikhulupiriro mu ubale wanu
Ngati mwasankha kupatsa chibwenzi chanu mwayi wina, kumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kuyenera kukhala patsogolo. Ngati mukuda nkhawa kuti mnzanuyo akupitirirabe kuchita chigololo pambuyo poti wagwidwa, muuzeni za kukayikira kwanu ndi momwe mukumvera, ndipo kambiranani.
Mukamalankhulana kwambiri, ndipamene mumatha kugwiritsira ntchito equation iyi ndikupita patsogolo. Kupanganso chikhulupiriro ndi ntchito yomwe simungathe kuchita nokha. Kumvetsetsa zosowa za wina ndi mzake ndi chinthu chofunikira kwambiri.
Kumapeto kwa tsiku, momwe mnzanuyo amachitira kuti agwidwe akubera angakuuzeni zambiri zomwe muyenera kudziwa za tsogolo lamphamvu yanu. Ngakhale simunakonzekere kusiya, mukaona mnzanu akuyesera kukuwopsyezani, muyenera kuvomereza kuzindikira kuti ubalewo ndi woopsa.
Tsopano popeza muli ndi lingaliro labwino la zinthu zomwe obera amanena ndi kuchita, tikukhulupirira kuti muli ndi lingaliro labwino la momwe mungathanirane ndi malingaliro anu.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
