Malangizo Katswiri pa Momwe Mungakhululukire Kukunyengerera Mwamalingaliro

Palibe amene amafuna kapena kuyembekezera kuti ubale wawo ukhale ndi chipwirikiti chomwe chimayambitsa kusakhulupirika. Ndipo ngati uli mtundu wa chigololo umene umakhudza kwambiri ubwenzi wapamtima ndi munthu wina, chipwirikiticho chikhoza kungobweretsa chiwonongeko chosakhululukidwa. Zikatero, kudziwa momwe mungakhululukire kunyenga kwamaganizidwe kumatha kuwoneka ngati ntchito ya Herculean. 

Mukauvumbula koyamba, kukhululuka ndi chinthu chomaliza m'maganizo mwanu. Koma ngati mwatha kupirira namondweyo ndi kupyola malingaliro a kukana mwina munadzipeza kuti mwakhazikika, kungoti mukupeza kuti mukuŵerenga nkhaniyi ndi chizindikiro cholonjeza. 

Kusandutsa chizindikiro cholonjezachi kukhala ulendo wanu woganizira momwe mungakhululukire chinyengo chamalingaliro ndipamene timalowera. Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo. Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa CBT, REBT, ndi upangiri wa maanja, tiyeni tiwone zonse zomwe muyenera kuchita komanso, nthawi yoti muchokepo pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika.

Kodi Muyenera Kukhululukira Munthu Wachinyengo?

“Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chondinyenga.” Zili ngati kuti amakondana ndi mnzake amene amacheza naye nthawi zonse. 

Kusakhulupirika m’banja kungaoneke ngati kukukanidwani monga mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Nthawi zina, okondedwa sangazindikire nkomwe kuti zikuchitika chifukwa kubera m'maganizo sikukhudzana ndi kugonana kapena kugonana. Kaya amvetsetsa kukula kwake kapena ayi, zotsatira zake zimakhala zokhalitsa.

Mwina mnzanuyo ali wokonzeka kukonza ubwenzi wanu panopa, n’kupempha kuti akukhululukireni. Koma poganizira kuti ayamba kale kugwirizana kwambiri ndi munthu wina, akhoza kufookanso ngati maganizowo ayambiranso pambuyo pake. Komanso, simungathe kuletsa kuthekera kwa chinthu china chosowa mu ubale wanu chomwe chinawapangitsa kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo zamalingaliro ndi munthu wina.

Ndipo zotsatira zake ndikuti muyenera kudziwa momwe mungachitire siyani kuganiza mopambanitsa mutapusitsidwa. Kukayikakayika kochulukira ndi kusadzidalira kophatikizana ndi kuchuluka kwa kudziimba mlandu kumakuchititsani kulephera kukhululukira kusakhulupirika. “Kudziwa ngati uyenera kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakubera mtima n’kovuta,” akutero Nandita.

“Poyamba mumavutika ndi maganizo osiyanasiyana, monga kukwiyira, kukwiyira, kukhumudwa, ndipo ngakhale kudziimba mlandu.

“Mukatha kuganiza mozama za nkhani yonseyi, mutha kudziwa zomwe muyenera kuchita kuti mupite patsogolo.” Pamapeto pa tsikulo, mudzazindikira kuti n’zotheka kukhululukira mnzanu chifukwa chachinyengo koma njira yopezera kukhululuka idzakhala yovuta kwambiri. Kulimbana ndi nkhani zamaganizo za mnzanuyo sichinthu chophweka,” akutero Nandita. 

Kodi muyenera kukhululukira munthu wachinyengo? Zimenezo ndi zanu kuyankha. Ena anganene kuti, “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chakunyengerera” kapena “Mnzanga waswa lumbiro limodzi lofunika kwambiri kwa ine”. Koma kupenda momwe zinthu zilili, kudziwa chifukwa chake zidachitikira, kusonkhanitsa tsatanetsatane, ndi kupuma pang'ono, zonse zingakuthandizeni kufika pamapeto. 

Koma chiganizo chilichonse chomwe mungafikire, onetsetsani kuti ndi chimodzi chomwe mungatsatire. Ndipo ngati mwaganiza zokhululukira kusakhulupirika muukwati, tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungachitire zimenezo. 

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Momwe Mungakhululukire Kubera Mwamalingaliro - Malangizo 6 a Katswiri

Ngati kusiya chibwenzicho kukuoneka kuti n’kosatheka ndipo mwaganiza zongochitapo kanthu, pali zambiri zimene muyenera kuchita. Mnzanu yemwe amakunyengererani mwamalingaliro sizinthu zomwe mungathe kusesa pansi pa chiguduli. Ukhala ulendo wovuta koma mutha kungotuluka mbali ina ndi ubale wamphamvu kwambiri. 

Pamene simungathe kugonjetsa mkwiyo ndi kupweteka, njira yopita kuchira ingawoneke ngati yovuta. Kumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m'maganizo ndi mkazi/mnzako adzafuna kuti nonse mudumphe ndi mapazi onse awiri. Kuti tikuthandizeni kuyamba, talemba malangizo otsatirawa omwe muyenera kukumbukira: 

1. Kodi mungakhululukire bwanji kuonera zolaula? Kumvetsetsa kuti ndi ndondomeko

Nandita anati: “Choyamba choyamba: mvetsetsani kuti kuchita zimenezi sikutenga nthawi yaitali.” Poyamba, lolani kuti mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, mkwiyo, ngakhale kudziimba mlandu zikubwere kwa inu. 

“Inde, adzakhalapo kusunthitsa mlandu ndi kuloza zala koma muyenera kukumbukira cholinga chomaliza. Muyenera kudziwa momwe mungapitire patsogolo, ndipo kukalipira mnzanu mosalekeza sikungakuthandizeni. ” Kuzindikira momwe mungakhululukire kunyenga kwamalingaliro sikuchitika pakatha sabata.

Ayi, kupuma sikungathetse mavuto anu onse mwamatsenga. Ayi, si mnzanu yekhayo amene akuyenera kukonza zonse. Zindikirani kuti kusintha kwatsoka kumeneku kuyenera kuthetsedwa ndi nonse pamodzi ndipo muyenera kudzipereka kuti ubale wanu ukhale wabwino. Chimodzi mwazolakwika zoyanjanitsa ukwati zomwe tiyenera kupewa pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndikusiya m'masiku asanu chifukwa palibe chomwe chikuwoneka kuti chikuyenda bwino monga kale.

2. Valani chipewa chanu cha upolisi 

"Yakwana nthawi yoganizira ndikusanthula zomwe mukumva komanso chifukwa chomwe mukumvera." Kodi ndi mkwiyo? Kukwiyira? Kudziimba mlandu? Onse atatu ndi osiyana, ndipo njira yowagonjetsera ndi yosiyananso. Lembani zomwe mukumva, chifukwa chake mukumva, ndi zomwe mnzanuyo akukumana nazo. Mukafika pamene mukulankhulana ndi mnzanuyo, onetsetsani kuti mukumvetsera bwino zomwe mukukumana nazo.

Yesetsani kumvetsa kumene akuchokera komanso chifukwa chimene anachitira zimenezi kuwongolera kulankhulana paubwenzi. Kutulutsa zambiri nthawi zambiri kumakhala kovuta kwambiri, koma ndi gawo lomwe limakuthandizani kuti muyambe ulendo wanu wamachiritso. Pamenepa, ukadziwa zambiri, umakhala bwino,” adatero Nandita. 

Kuyesera kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera kwamalingaliro kwinaku mukukana ndi njira yobweretsera tsoka. Mvetserani chifukwa chake zidachitika, momwe mukumvera, ndi zomwe mungachite kuti muthane ndi malingaliro otere. Khazikitsani malamulo ena mukamachita chinyengo ngati zili choncho. Chifukwa kukhala bwenzi la helikopita pambuyo chinyengo amene micromanages moyo mnzawo ndithudi sikungathandize. N’kutheka kuti chinali chimodzi mwa zifukwa zimene zinawasonkhezera kuchita chigololo poyamba.

3. Yesetsani kumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m'maganizo

Ngakhale kuti sindinkafuna, kulimbikira kwake kufotokoza chisoni chake ndi kusunga chibwenzicho kunandichititsa kuti ndisamamve chisoni kwa nthawi yaitali kuti ndimumve. kukhulupirirana kwatha. Kupanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m’maganizo sikunali kophweka, koma ndi chinthu chimene timachichitapo tsiku ndi tsiku,” anatero Jason. 

Ngati mukufuna kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera, chinthu chachikulu chomwe muyenera kuthana nacho ndi kusweka chikhulupiriro. Wobera mnzake angafunikire kukhala wowonekera kwambiri kuposa kale, ndipo malo aumwini angakhale osangalatsa, kwa kanthawi. Pa nthawi yomweyo, muyenera kukhala omasuka kukhulupirira nkhani zawo. Panthawi ina, muyenera kulimbana ndi kusatetezeka kwanu ndikuwona momwe mungasiyire kuganiza mopambanitsa mutaberedwa.

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4. Chithandizo cha maanja ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima

Zinthu zikafika povuta, kutsamira mnzanu wapamtima kuti akuthandizeni kuthetsa nkhani zaubwenzi wanu sikungakhale lingaliro labwino kwambiri. Adzabweretsa katundu wawo mu equation, ndipo malingana ndi omwe ali bwenzi lapamtima, iwo mwina adzakhala atsankho. 

Nandita anati: “N’zosadabwitsa kuti mnzako amene akukunyengererani amakuchititsani mantha.” Kulankhulana kungakhale kodzaza ndi ndewu, ndipo simungafike pa mfundo zomveka pamikangano yanu iliyonse.

“Katswiri wa zachipatala akhoza kukuthandizani kudzera mu uphungu wa munthu aliyense payekha kapena banja.” Akadziŵa chimene chinayambitsa vuto lanu, iwo adzatha kuzindikira chimene chinalakwika muukwati wanu ndi zimene mungachite kuti muchiritse.” Ngati ndi thandizo laukadaulo lomwe mukuyang'ana, gulu la Bonobology la akatswiri odziwa ntchito ndi chabe dinani kutali.

5. Dzichitireni chifundo 

"Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina mumadzimva kuti ndinu olakwa kapena mumakhala ndi malingaliro ambiri olakwika, khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha ndipo musadzitengere mlandu pa zomwe zachitika." Ubwenzi umagwira ntchito ngati onse awiri ali okhudzidwa komanso okhudzidwa. Dzizungulireni ndi anthu kapena achibale omwe angakulimbikitseni kwakanthawi. Mungafune kusiya kucheza koma kuyankhula ndi anthu kungathandize kwambiri," akutero Nandita. 

Chimodzi mwazofala kwambiri zolakwa zoyanjanitsa ukwati kuti mupewe pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndikudzipalamula nokha pa zochita za mnzanuyo. Ndipo monga momwe Nandita akusonyezera, ndi bwino kuti musagonje ku chiyeso chodzitsekera m’chipinda chamdima, n’kumaganizira mopambanitsa zimene zinachitika. Dziyang'anire wekha. Kukhala ndi moyo wathanzi kudzakuthandizani kuthana ndi kusakhulupirika m'banja kapena pachibwenzi.

6. Khalani owona mtima kwa inu nokha ndi kwa wina ndi mzake 

“Pokhapokha ngati ukunena zoona kwa iweyo ndipo mnzakoyo akulankhula moona mtima pa zomwe zidachitika komanso chifukwa chake zidachitika, sungamvetsetse zomwe muyenera kuyesetsa, pokhapokha mutadziwitsana momwe mukumvera komanso zovuta zake, mutha kuyamba kukonza,” adatero Nandita. Kuzindikira momwe mungakhululukire chinyengo chamalingaliro pomwe mukunamizana momwe mukumvera kuli ngati kusewera mivi mumdima.

Kodi mukufunadi kupitiliza ubalewu? Kapena ndi nthawi yowalembera kalata yothetsa banja? Muyenera kusankha nokha nthawi yochoka pambuyo pa chigololo. Ndipo ngati mutasankha kukhalabe, mudzatha kukhululukira mnzanuyo chifukwa chakunyengererani? Zingakhale zovuta kuvomereza mfundo zochepa zozizira, zovuta, koma mapiritsi okhwima amenewo angakhale maantibayotiki omwe mukufunikira pakali pano.

Kodi Ndingatani Kuti Ndisiye Kunyengeredwa?

“Ndinakhalapo ndi makasitomala amene amandiuza kuti, “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chakunyengerera.” Chochitika n’chakuti, ngakhale mutasankha kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera, kukhululuka kumabwera pambuyo pake,” akutero Nandita, akuwonjezera kuti: “Muyenera kulankhulana, kumvetsetsa mmene mukumvera, ndi kulimbitsa ubwenzi wanu.

“Mukamasunga mayendedwe onse a mnzanuyo, kuyambiranso kukhulupirirana paubwenziwo kumakhala kovuta kwambiri.” Khulupirirani kuti nonse mukufuna kukonza ubwenzi wanu, ndipo muuzeni mnzanuyo ngati mukufuna kuti ayesetse. kukhululuka muubwenzi pomalizira pake adzabwera.” Nazi zinthu zingapo zomwe mungachite kuti muchepetse kunyengeredwa mwamalingaliro:

• Lembani maganizo anu kuti mumvetse bwino m'maganizo mwanu
• Pangani kudzikonda kukhala patsogolo panu
• Yesetsani kutsimikizira zabwino tsiku lililonse kuti mutsimikizire kuti ndinu wokwanira momwe mulili
• Dzipatseni mpata ndi nthawi yolira
• Onetsetsani kuti chibwenzi chatha musanaganize zomukhululukira mnzanuyo
• Khazikitsani malamulo oyambira mutabera kuti muyende bwino bwino kuyambira pano

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Bwanji ngati simungathe kukhululuka chigololo?

“Ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti tonsefe ndife anthu.” Kunena zinthu monga “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chochita zachinyengo” kapena, “Mtsikana wanga wachibwenzi anandinyenga ndipo sindingamukhululukire,” si maganizo amene angakuthandizeni. Nandita.

Ngati zili choncho, zonse zitanenedwa ndikuchitidwa, mumadzipezabe kuti simungathe kukhululukira kusakhulupirika, muyenera kusanthula zochitika zonse kuti musankhe kusuntha kwanu. Kodi kutuluka mu ubale woswekawu kukuwoneka ngati chisankho chokopa kwambiri? Koma bwanji ngati pali zinthu zina zimene zikukulepheretsani? Bwanji ngati simungachoke m’banja chifukwa chakuti simukufuna kuti ana anu akumane ndi zimenezi?

Zikatero, ngakhale mukuona kuti simungathe kukhululukira mnzanuyo, muyenera kuvomereza mnzanuyo ‘ndi’ kusakhulupirika kwawo. Mumavomereza kuti zinachitikadi ndipo mumaphunzira kukhala nazo. Komabe, ubalewu sudzatha pokhapokha mawu ndi zochita za mnzanuyo zingakutsimikizireni kuti asintha.

N’zoona kuti kulimbana ndi kusakhulupirika m’banja n’kovuta. Koma mothandizidwa ndi malangizo omwe tawalemba, komanso thandizo la akatswiri pang'ono, palibe chifukwa chomwe simungathetsere vutoli. Zonse zikatha, mukhoza kumva kuti muli pafupi kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo kuposa kale.

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