Malangizo Katswiri pa Momwe Mungakhululukire Kukunyengerera Mwamalingaliro

Kufalitsa chikondi

Palibe amene amafuna kapena kuyembekezera kuti ubale wawo ukhale ndi chipwirikiti chomwe chimayambitsa kusakhulupirika. Ndipo ngati uli mtundu wa chigololo umene umakhudza kwambiri ubwenzi wapamtima ndi munthu wina, chipwirikiticho chikhoza kungobweretsa chiwonongeko chosakhululukidwa. Zikatero, kudziwa momwe mungakhululukire kunyenga kwamaganizidwe kumatha kuwoneka ngati ntchito ya Herculean.

Mukauvumbula koyamba, kukhululuka ndi chinthu chomaliza m'maganizo mwanu. Koma ngati mwatha kupirira namondweyo ndi kupyola malingaliro a kukana mwina munadzipeza kuti mwakhazikika, kungoti mukupeza kuti mukuŵerenga nkhaniyi ndi chizindikiro cholonjeza.

Kutembenuza chizindikiro chodalirikachi kukhala ulendo wanu wofuna kudziwa momwe mungakhululukire chinyengo chamaganizo ndi komwe timalowera. Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa CBT, REBT, ndi uphungu wa okwatirana, tiyeni tipeze zonse zomwe muyenera kuchita komanso nthawi yoti muchoke mukachita chigololo.

Kodi Muyenera Kukhululukira Munthu Wachinyengo?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

“Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chondinyenga.” Zili ngati kuti amakondana ndi mnzake amene amacheza naye nthawi zonse.

Kusakhulupirika m’banja kungaoneke ngati kukukanidwani monga mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Nthawi zina, okondedwa sangazindikire nkomwe kuti zikuchitika chifukwa kubera m'maganizo sikukhudzana ndi kugonana kapena kugonana. Kaya amvetsetsa kukula kwake kapena ayi, zotsatira zake zimakhala zokhalitsa.

Mwina mnzanuyo ali wokonzeka kukonza ubwenzi wanu panopa, n’kupempha kuti akukhululukireni. Koma poganizira kuti ayamba kale kugwirizana kwambiri ndi munthu wina, akhoza kufookanso ngati maganizowo ayambiranso pambuyo pake. Komanso, simungathe kuletsa kuthekera kwa chinthu china chosowa mu ubale wanu chomwe chinawapangitsa kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo zamalingaliro ndi munthu wina.

Ndipo zotsatira zake n'zakuti tsopano muyenera kupeza njira yosiya kuganizira mopitirira muyeso mutanyengedwa . Kusatsimikizika ndi kusadzidalira kwambiri pamodzi ndi kudziimba mlandu pang'ono kumakupangitsani kuti musathe kukhululukira kusakhulupirika. "Kudziwa ngati muyenera kukhululukira munthu chifukwa cha chinyengo chamaganizo sikophweka," akutero Nandita.

Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.

“Poyamba mumavutika ndi maganizo osiyanasiyana, monga kukwiyira, kukwiyira, kukhumudwa, ndipo ngakhale kudziimba mlandu.

"Mukangoyamba kuganizira bwino nkhaniyi, mutha kudziwa zomwe muyenera kuchita mtsogolo. Pamapeto pake, mudzazindikira kuti n'zotheka kukhululukira mnzanu chifukwa cha chinyengo chamaganizo koma njira yokhululukira idzakhala yovuta kwambiri. Kuthana ndi chibwenzi cha maganizo cha mnzanu si chinthu chophweka," akutero Nandita.

Kodi muyenera kukhululukira munthu wachinyengo? Zimenezo ndi zanu kuyankha. Ena anganene kuti, “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chakunyengerera” kapena “Mnzanga waswa lumbiro limodzi lofunika kwambiri kwa ine”. Koma kupenda momwe zinthu zilili, kudziwa chifukwa chake zidachitikira, kusonkhanitsa tsatanetsatane, ndi kupuma pang'ono, zonse zingakuthandizeni kufika pamapeto.

Koma chiganizo chilichonse chomwe mungafikire, onetsetsani kuti ndi chimodzi chomwe mungatsatire. Ndipo ngati mwaganiza zokhululukira kusakhulupirika muukwati, tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kudziwa momwe mungachitire zimenezo.

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Ngati kusiya chibwenzicho kukuoneka kuti n’kosatheka ndipo mwaganiza zongochitapo kanthu, pali zambiri zimene muyenera kuchita. Mnzanu yemwe amakunyengererani mwamalingaliro sizinthu zomwe mungathe kusesa pansi pa chiguduli. Ukhala ulendo wovuta koma mutha kungotuluka mbali ina ndi ubale wamphamvu kwambiri.

Ngati simungathe kupirira mkwiyo ndi kupweteka, njira yopezera chibwezi ingaoneke ngati yovuta. Kumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kwa mtima ndi mkazi/mnzanu kudzafuna kuti nonse awiri muyambe ndi mapazi anu. Kuti tikuthandizeni kuyamba, talemba malangizo awa omwe muyenera kukumbukira:

1. Kodi mungakhululukire bwanji kuonera zolaula? Kumvetsetsa kuti ndi ndondomeko

Nandita anati: “Choyamba choyamba: mvetsetsani kuti kuchita zimenezi sikutenga nthawi yaitali.” Poyamba, lolani kuti mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, mkwiyo, ngakhale kudziimba mlandu zikubwere kwa inu.

"Inde, padzakhala kudzudzulana ndi kudzudzulana koma muyenera kukumbukira cholinga chanu. Muyenera kudziwa momwe mungapitirire patsogolo, ndipo kudzudzula mnzanu nthawi zonse sikungakuthandizeni." Kudziwa momwe mungakhululukire chinyengo chamaganizo sikudzachitika mkati mwa sabata imodzi.

Ayi, kupuma sikungathetse mavuto anu onse mwamatsenga. Ayi, si mnzanu yekhayo amene akuyenera kukonza zonse. Zindikirani kuti kusintha kwatsoka kumeneku kuyenera kuthetsedwa ndi nonse pamodzi ndipo muyenera kudzipereka kuti ubale wanu ukhale wabwino. Chimodzi mwazolakwika zoyanjanitsa ukwati zomwe tiyenera kupewa pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndikusiya m'masiku asanu chifukwa palibe chomwe chikuwoneka kuti chikuyenda bwino monga kale.

2. Valani chipewa chanu cha upolisi

"Yakwana nthawi yoganizira ndikusanthula zomwe mukumva komanso chifukwa chomwe mukumvera." Kodi ndi mkwiyo? Kukwiyira? Kudziimba mlandu? Onse atatu ndi osiyana, ndipo njira yowagonjetsera ndi yosiyananso. Lembani zomwe mukumva, chifukwa chake mukumva, ndi zomwe mnzanuyo akukumana nazo. Mukafika pamene mukulankhulana ndi mnzanuyo, onetsetsani kuti mukumvetsera bwino zomwe mukukumana nazo.

"Yesetsani kumvetsetsa komwe akuchokera komanso chifukwa chake adatenga sitepe imeneyo. Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri pokonza kulumikizana muubwenzi. Kupeza zambiri nthawi zambiri kumakhala kovuta kwambiri, komanso ndi gawo lomwe limakuthandizani kuyamba ulendo wanu wochira. Pankhaniyi, mukamadziwa zambiri, zimakhala bwino," akutero Nandita.

Kuyesera kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera kwamalingaliro kwinaku mukukana ndi njira yobweretsera tsoka. Mvetserani chifukwa chake zidachitika, momwe mukumvera, ndi zomwe mungachite kuti muthane ndi malingaliro otere. Khazikitsani malamulo ena mukamachita chinyengo ngati zili choncho. Chifukwa kukhala bwenzi la helikopita pambuyo chinyengo amene micromanages moyo mnzawo ndithudi sikungathandize. N’kutheka kuti chinali chimodzi mwa zifukwa zimene zinawasonkhezera kuchita chigololo poyamba.

3. Yesetsani kumanganso chikhulupiriro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m'maganizo

"Pamene chibwenzi changa chinandinyenga, zinkaoneka ngati sindingathe kumukhulupirira. Ngakhale kuti sindinafune, kulimba mtima kwake kufotokoza chisoni chake ndikusunga ubalewu kunandipangitsa kukhala pafupi kwa nthawi yayitali kuti ndimve zomwe akunena. Nditatero, ndinazindikira kuti kunyenga m'maganizo ndi mapeto okha ngati mutalola kuti zichitike. Ndinaganiza zokhalabe ngakhale kuti zinkaoneka ngati kudalirana kwasweka . Kumanganso chidaliro pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m'maganizo sikunali kophweka, koma ndi chinthu chomwe timagwirira ntchito tsiku lililonse," Jason anatiuza.

Ngati mukufuna kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera, chinthu chachikulu chomwe muyenera kuthana nacho ndi kusweka chikhulupiriro. Wobera mnzake angafunikire kukhala wowonekera kwambiri kuposa kale, ndipo malo aumwini angakhale osangalatsa, kwa kanthawi. Pa nthawi yomweyo, muyenera kukhala omasuka kukhulupirira nkhani zawo. Panthawi ina, muyenera kulimbana ndi kusatetezeka kwanu ndikuwona momwe mungasiyire kuganiza mopambanitsa mutaberedwa.

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4. Chithandizo cha maanja ndi bwenzi lanu lapamtima

Zinthu zikafika povuta, kutsamira mnzanu wapamtima kuti akuthandizeni kuthetsa nkhani zaubwenzi wanu sikungakhale lingaliro labwino kwambiri. Adzabweretsa katundu wawo mu equation, ndipo malingana ndi omwe ali bwenzi lapamtima, iwo mwina adzakhala atsankho.

Nandita anati: “N’zosadabwitsa kuti mnzako amene akukunyengererani amakuchititsani mantha.” Kulankhulana kungakhale kodzaza ndi ndewu, ndipo simungafike pa mfundo zomveka pamikangano yanu iliyonse.

"Katswiri wothandiza angakuthandizeni kudzera mu uphungu wa munthu payekha komanso wa banja. Pozindikira chomwe chimayambitsa mavuto anu, adzatha kuzindikira chomwe chinalakwika muubwenzi wanu ndi zomwe mungachite." Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito ku Bonobology lili pafupi nanu.

5. Dzichitireni chifundo

"Ngakhale kuti nthawi zina mumadzimva kuti ndinu olakwa kapena mumakhala ndi malingaliro ambiri olakwika, khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha ndipo musadzitengere mlandu pa zomwe zachitika." Ubwenzi umagwira ntchito ngati onse awiri ali okhudzidwa komanso okhudzidwa. Dzizungulireni ndi anthu kapena achibale omwe angakulimbikitseni kwakanthawi. Mungafune kusiya kucheza koma kuyankhula ndi anthu kungathandize kwambiri," akutero Nandita.

Chimodzi mwa zolakwa zomwe zimafala kwambiri poyanjanitsa banja zomwe muyenera kupewa mutachita chigololo ndikudziimba mlandu nokha pa zochita za mnzanu. Ndipo monga momwe Nandita akunenera, ndikofunikira kuti musagonjere ku chiyeso chodzitsekera m'chipinda chamdima, kuganizira kwambiri zomwe zinachitika. Dzisamalireni nokha. Moyo wathanzi udzakuthandizani kuthana ndi kusakhulupirika kwa malingaliro muukwati kapena ubale.

6. Khalani owona mtima kwa inu nokha ndi kwa wina ndi mzake

“Pokhapokha ngati ukunena zoona kwa iweyo ndipo mnzakoyo akulankhula moona mtima pa zomwe zidachitika komanso chifukwa chake zidachitika, sungamvetsetse zomwe muyenera kuyesetsa, pokhapokha mutadziwitsana momwe mukumvera komanso zovuta zake, mutha kuyamba kukonza,” adatero Nandita. Kuzindikira momwe mungakhululukire chinyengo chamalingaliro pomwe mukunamizana momwe mukumvera kuli ngati kusewera mivi mumdima.

Kodi mukufunadi kupitiriza chibwenzichi? Kapena kodi nthawi yakwana yoti muwalembere kalata yowasudzula? Muyenera kusankha nokha nthawi yoti muchoke pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika . Ndipo ngati musankha kukhalabe, kodi mudzatha kukhululukira mnzanu chifukwa chokunyengani mwamaganizo? Zingakhale zovuta kuvomereza mfundo zingapo zozizira, koma mapiritsi ovuta kumwa angakhale maantibayotiki omwe mukufunikira pakali pano.

Kodi Ndingatani Kuti Ndisiye Kunyengeredwa?

“Ndinakhalapo ndi makasitomala amene amandiuza kuti, “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chakunyengerera.” Chochitika n’chakuti, ngakhale mutasankha kukhululukira munthu wina chifukwa chakunyengerera, kukhululuka kumabwera pambuyo pake,” akutero Nandita, akuwonjezera kuti: “Muyenera kulankhulana, kumvetsetsa mmene mukumvera, ndi kulimbitsa ubwenzi wanu.

"Ngati mutsatira zonse zomwe mnzanu akuchita, kulimbitsanso chidaliro muubwenzi wanu kudzakhala kovuta kwambiri. Khulupirirani mfundo yakuti nonse mukufuna kukonza ubale wanu, ndipo muuzeni mnzanuyo ngati mukufuna kuti achite khama kwambiri. Pamene khama lawo lokonza zinthu likutsimikizirani kuti akumva chisoni kwambiri ndipo akufuna kulimbitsa zomwe muli nazo, chikhululukiro muubwenzi chidzabwera." Nazi zinthu zingapo zomwe mungachite kuti muthetse kuchitiridwa chinyengo:

Lembani maganizo anu kuti mumvetse bwino m'maganizo mwanu
Pangani kudzikonda kukhala patsogolo panu
Yesetsani kutsimikizira zabwino tsiku lililonse kuti mutsimikizire kuti ndinu wokwanira momwe mulili
Dzipatseni mpata ndi nthawi yolira
Onetsetsani kuti chibwenzi chatha musanaganize zomukhululukira mnzanuyo
Khazikitsani malamulo oyambira mutabera kuti muyende bwino bwino kuyambira pano

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Bwanji ngati simungathe kukhululuka chigololo?

“Ndi bwino kukumbukira kuti tonsefe ndife anthu.” Kunena zinthu monga “Sindingakhululukire mwamuna wanga chifukwa chochita zachinyengo” kapena, “Mtsikana wanga wachibwenzi anandinyenga ndipo sindingamukhululukire,” si maganizo amene angakuthandizeni. Nandita.

Ngati zili choncho, zonse zitanenedwa ndikuchitidwa, mumadzipezabe kuti simungathe kukhululukira kusakhulupirika, muyenera kusanthula zochitika zonse kuti musankhe kusuntha kwanu. Kodi kutuluka mu ubale woswekawu kukuwoneka ngati chisankho chokopa kwambiri? Koma bwanji ngati pali zinthu zina zimene zikukulepheretsani? Bwanji ngati simungachoke m’banja chifukwa chakuti simukufuna kuti ana anu akumane ndi zimenezi?

Zikatero, ngakhale mukuona kuti simungathe kukhululukira mnzanuyo, muyenera kuvomereza mnzanuyo ‘ndi’ kusakhulupirika kwawo. Mumavomereza kuti zinachitikadi ndipo mumaphunzira kukhala nazo. Komabe, ubalewu sudzatha pokhapokha mawu ndi zochita za mnzanuyo zingakutsimikizireni kuti asintha.

Zolozera Mfungulo

Zimatengera munthu aliyense ngati akufuna kukhululukira kusakhulupirika kwamalingaliro kapena ayi
Zindikirani kuti kukhululukira gawoli ndikumanganso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi sikungochitika mwadzidzidzi
Kuwonekera kwathunthu pakati pa anthu awiri omwe ali ndi chibwenzi ndikofunikira kwambiri
Muyenera kukhala okoma mtima kwambiri kwa inu nokha panthawi yonseyi
Yesani kulemba nkhani, njira zotsimikizira zabwino, kapena chithandizo kuti muthetse ululu

N’zoona kuti kulimbana ndi kusakhulupirika m’banja n’kovuta. Koma mothandizidwa ndi malangizo omwe tawalemba, komanso thandizo la akatswiri pang'ono, palibe chifukwa chomwe simungathetsere vutoli. Zonse zikatha, mukhoza kumva kuti muli pafupi kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo kuposa kale.

Ibibazo

1. N’chifukwa chiyani nkhani za m’maganizo zimapweteka kwambiri?

Ambiri aife timakhulupirira kuti mgwirizano pakati pa mitima iwiri ndi wamphamvu kwambiri kuposa kuyandikana kwenikweni. M'mbuyomu wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse amatembenukira kwa inu kuti akulimbikitseni, kukufunsani malingaliro anu pazinthu zingapo, kufotokoza za tsiku lawo, ndikukusekani. Mwachibadwa, akapereka malowo kwa munthu wina, mumamva kuti mulibe kanthu mumtima mwanu.

2. Kodi ubale ukhoza kuyambiranso pambuyo pa chinyengo?

Inde, ubale ukhoza kuchira pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika m'maganizo ngakhale kuti zikhala nthawi yayitali kuti abwenzi onse azitha kusinthasintha maganizo. Zosafunikira kunena, pafunika khama lochokera kwa onse awiri kuti akonzenso zinthu.

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