Kugwa Mchikondi Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika - Ndi Bwino Ndipo Zoyenera Kuchita

Munayamba mwakhalapo ndi zomwe mumamva ngati mpweya watulutsidwa m'mimba mwanu? Kumverera koyipa, sichoncho? Umo ndi momwe kumakhalira ngati kuberedwa. Ndi zinthu zochepa chabe muubwenzi zomwe zimapweteka kwambiri ngati kusakhulupirika kwa wokondedwa wanu, ndiyeno, kuchoka m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo.

Kusakhulupirika ndiko kuswa lonjezo lopangana pakati pa okondedwa mwa malumbiro kapena chifukwa chongoganizira kuti ndi wokhulupirika. Kusakhulupirika kwapamtima kumeneku kumavulaza munthu ndi kumukhumudwitsa. Munganene kuti, "Palibe chomwe chimamva chimodzimodzi atabera." Kapena "Kudzipatula atandinyenga kumakhala kovuta kwambiri".

Ngakhale zikuoneka ngati zosatheka kuti malonjezo oterewa asweke, n’zofala kwambiri. Mukayang’ana ziwerengero , mumapeza kuti pafupifupi 15-20% ya okwatirana amachita zachinyengo. Kafukufuku waposachedwa wa maanja aku America akusonyeza kuti 20 mpaka 40% ya amuna okwatirana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndi 20 mpaka 25% ya akazi okwatirana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nawonso amakhala ndi chibwenzi kunja kwa banja pa moyo wawo wonse.

Kusakhulupirika kukachitika, zimatichititsa kukhala osokonezeka, osakwanira, komanso kumayambitsa kudzikayikira. Zimakusiyiraninso mafunso ambiri monga: Kodi kubera kungakupangitseni kusiya chikondi? Kodi kuchoka m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo ndikofunikira? Kodi mumatani ngati chikondi kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chidakali pansi pa mtima wanu? Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika?

Kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wonyenga kapena kusiya chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zovuta kwambiri kuchita. Ndinalankhula ndi mphunzitsi wa ubale ndi ubwenzi Shivanya Yogmayaa (wovomerezeka padziko lonse lapansi mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, ndi REBT), yemwe ndi katswiri pa njira zosiyanasiyana zolangizira mabanja, kuti amvetse bwino kusakhulupirika, zotsatira zake, komanso kupeza mayankho a mafunso omwe ali pamwambapa.

Kodi Kugwa Mchikondi Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika Ndi Bwino?

Limeneli ndi limodzi mwa mafunso amene anthu ambiri amawafunsa akamva za kusakhulupirika. Anthu omwe amalandila chigololo nthawi zambiri amadandaula kuti, "Sindimakondanso mwamuna wanga atanyenga", "Sindingathe kupirira kuyang'ana mnzanga kuyambira nkhani za kusakhulupirika kwawo", kapena "Sindikukhulupirira kuti adandichitira izi, ndidakali wosakhulupirira".

Shivanya akuti, “Inde, kusiya chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi chinthu chachibadwa. Izi zili choncho chifukwa chakuti kudalirana kwanu kwasweka ndipo chithunzi chanu cha mnzanu chikhoza kuswekanso.” Ndi mfundo yofunika kuidziwa chifukwa muli ndi malingaliro ena okhudza mnzanuyo, kuti angakhale okhulupirika ndipo angaganize za ‘inu’ ngati mnzanu wachikondi koma akachita chigololo, zimakhala ngati galasi losweka m’zidutswa zambirimbiri.

Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika? Kodi kusakhulupirika kungakhudze kugonana? Shivanya akuganiza choncho. Iye akuti, "Ubwenzi wanu wogonana ndi wokondedwa wanu udzakhudzidwanso chifukwa tsopano, ubwenzi, kukhulupirirana, ndi zoyembekeza mu chiyanjano zasokonekera."

Kudalirana n'kofunika kwambiri kuti ubale uliwonse ugwire ntchito. Ngati simukutha kukhulupirira mnzanu kapena chilichonse chimene akunena pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, mumayamba kukayikira kukhulupirika kwawo, osati pankhani yogonana yokha komanso malingaliro. Mumayamba kukayikira mbali zina monga zachuma kapena kulera ana. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kubwezeretsa chidaliro mutatha kuchita zachinyengo.

Zifukwa zonsezi zingapangitse kuti muyambe kukondana pambuyo pa chigololo ndipo monga katswiri wathu adanena, ndi zachilendo kuti musamve chikondi kapena chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu mutapusitsidwa.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Zimatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Kuti Munthu Asachite Chibwenzi?

Kodi Mungagwe Bwanji Mchikondi Pambuyo Pochita Chibwenzi Ngati Mumakondabe Mwamuna Wanu?

Inde, mungakhale mukukondabe mnzanu kapena mnzanu ngakhale atakunamizani. Panali zinthu zambiri zomwe zinapangitsa kuti ubalewo ukhale wolimba, ndipo kusudzulana n'kovuta, kunena zoona. Mwachidule, kusudzulana ndi mnzanu wosakhulupirika , kuposa ubale wosakwatirana, kungakhale kovuta chifukwa cha kuyanjana kwa mabanja, kukhalapo kwa mnzanuyo kunyumba nthawi zonse, kutenga nawo mbali kwa ana, ndalama zogwirira ntchito limodzi, ndi zina zotero.

Shivanya akuti, "Nthawi zina, timapitiliza kukonda mnzako wobera chifukwa pali zinthu zina zambiri muubwenzi zomwe zimakukomerani, zomwe mumazikonda, ndipo zimakupangitsani kukonda mnzanuyo.

"Koma ndikofunikira kudzikumbutsa kuti musadalire munthu amene sanakukhululukireni. Ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti musamusankhe kuposa inu. Ngakhale mutamukondabe, muyenera kudzikonda kwambiri." Kusankha nokha pa munthu amene adadutsa pamzere wa chikhulupiriro ndikofunikira.

Komabe, n'zovuta. Nthawi zina, pamakhala manyazi ambiri m'mafunso monga akuti “Ndingapitirize bwanji kukonda munthu amene wandichitira zinthu zoopsa chonchi?” Samalani kwambiri kuti musayambe kukwiya ndi munthu amene wachita zinthu zoipa kwambiri. Sikophweka kuiwala mnzanuyo, kuchoka pa chibwenzi choipa , ndikusiya chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Koma pali zinthu zing'onozing'ono zomwe tingachite kuti tiyambe ulendo wochira, kutenga sitepe imodzi ndi imodzi. Nazi zina mwa izo:

1. Osadziimba mlandu

Kusakhulupirika kungakupangitseni kudzikayikira nokha ndikudziona kuti ndinu osakwanira. Mutha kuyamba kudzichepetsa ngakhale mutadziwa kuti si vuto lanu. Mungayambe kuganiza kuti, “Kodi ndi chinachake chimene ndinachita chimene chinawapangitsa kuchita zimenezi?”

Ayi. Izi zinachitika chifukwa cha kulankhulana kosayenera kuchokera kwa mnzanu. Ngakhale atakhala kuti sakukondedwa, sakufunidwa, kapena sakuoneka, akanayenera kukambirana nanu nkhaniyi. Palibe vuto kusakhutira ndi chibwenzi, koma kunyenga si njira yothetsera vutoli. Si vuto lanu ngati mnzanuyo sanakuuzeni kusakhutira kwake. Simuli munthu wowerenga maganizo.

Zinthu zikanapanda kusintha ngakhale atalankhulana, akanatha kusankha kuthetsa chibwenzicho m’malo mochita chinyengo. Kunena mosapita m’mbali, palibe zifukwa zabwino zochitira chinyengo munthu wina (pokhapokha ngati ali paubwenzi wankhanza), ndipo ayi, si vuto lanu. Ndi zabwino ndipo mwamtheradi mwamtheradi ngati inu kugwa chikondi pambuyo kusakhulupirika. Osadzigwetsa nokha pa izo.

2. Khalani ndi foni yodzutsa

Shivanya akuti, "Ngati mnzanu wakunyengererani, ndiye kuti ndi nthawi yoti mudzuke. Yakwana nthawi yoti mufunse kudalirika kwa munthuyo. Yakwana nthawi yoyang'anizana ndi chowonadi ndikuchivomereza. Izi zimakuthandizani kuwona zinthu momwe zilili m'malo momwe mumafunira. Zingakuthandizeninso kusiya mnzanu kapena mnzanu wachinyengo. "

Sikophweka, kungodzuka ndikukumana ndi chowonadi - ndi zowawa komanso zimayaka. Zimandipweteka ngakhale kuvomereza kuti munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri wakunyengererani koma ndikofunika kudzikumbutsa kuti sitepe yoyamba yopita patsogolo ndiyo kuvomereza ndikuvomereza zenizeni. Kudzikumbutsa nthawi zonse kumathandiza kuchepetsa ululu ndi kugwa m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo.

Katswiri wathu akuwonjezera kuti, “Lolani kuti musiye kukondana, pitirizani, ndipo dzikondeni kwambiri. Musadziletsenso kudziika patsogolo.” Sankhani nokha mobwerezabwereza chifukwa ubale wanu ndi inu nokha ndiye wofunika kwambiri.

3. Lolani kuti mukhale ndi chisoni

Kutayika kwa ubale ndi kwakukulu ndipo mumaloledwa kumva chisoni ndi kulira. Chowonadi cha chibwenzi cha mnzako chingakhale chododometsa chomwe chimapweteka kwambiri. Kutayika sikuli kwa bwenzi lokha, ndi kutaya chikhulupiriro ndi ubwenzi, zonse zamaganizo ndi zogonana, chifukwa chake mungapeze kuti mukudutsa magawo asanu achisoni.

Mungapeze kuti mukukhala m’kukana (chowonadi chokondeka), mkwiyo (wokwiyira chifukwa cha kusiyidwa chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika), kukambirana (zonse ‘zikanakhala bwanji’ zitabwera kudzasewera), kupsinjika maganizo (kuchuluka kwachisoni kumene kumabwera chifukwa chovomereza kuti munakubera), ndipo pomalizira pake kuvomereza (kuvomereza zimene zinachitika ndi zimene zimatanthauza mtsogolo mwanu).

Kugwa m'chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kumafuna kuti mulole kuti mumve kuthamanga kwa malingaliro. Pita mu magawo onsewa ndipo dzichitireni chifundo pamene muli pachisoni. Kumbukirani kuti mulibe cholakwa. Ndinu woyenera kukondedwa.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira Zochiritsira Kusakhulupirika Kuchokera ku Chibwenzi

4. Tengani nthawi yanu

Tengani nthawi yanu kuti muthe kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, kukhumudwa, ndi kuvomereza zomwe zikuchitika. Palibe nthawi yopitilira kapena kugwa mchikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, ndipo ndikofunikira kuti mudzilole kuti mumve zonse.

Osadzikakamiza kapena kuthamangira machiritso anu. Kumbukirani, kunyengedwa kumapweteketsa mtima ndipo ndikofunikira kuti mutengepo mbali imodzi ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti mulole mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo pang'onopang'ono kuti asakhale ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa za kusakhulupirika.

Palibe chifukwa chochita manyazi kuti mukuvutikabe ndi zomwe zinachitika. Inde, mwatopa kwambiri. Alex, wowerenga, akunena kuti, "Mwamwayi, anzanga ankandikumbutsa mofatsa kuti kudzipatula atachita zachinyengo kumatenga nthawi yayitali. Anali olondola, chinali chochitika champhamvu komanso chokhudza mtima."

5. Pezani thandizo

Shivanya anati: “Kulankhula ndi mnzanu kungakuthandizeni kuganiza bwino.” Kulandira thandizo kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kungakuthandizeni kuona ngati ubwenziwo ndi wofunika kuusunga.

Zingakhale zovuta kudziwa zoyenera kuchita kapena komwe mungayambire koma kulandira chithandizo kuchokera ku dongosolo lanu lothandizira, kuphatikizapo wothandizira, kungakuthandizeni kuyendetsa nthawi yovutayi. Simuyenera kudutsa zomwe zidachitika nokha. Pemphani chithandizo ndikupeza chithandizo.

Kodi Ubale Wawonongeka Kosatha Pambuyo pa Kunyenga?

Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika? Kodi kubera kungakupangitseni kusiya chikondi? Kamodzi ndi kukhulupirirana kwatha, mumayamba kukayikira ngati zinthu sizili bwino komanso ngati banja lanu lidzakhalanso chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa chigololo. Tiffany, amene amaŵerenga Baibulo, anatiuza kuti: “Sindimakondanso mwamuna wanga atandinyenga.” Tinkakondana kwambiri moti tinkauzana chilichonse chokhudza moyo wathu.

Shivanya anati: “Chigololo chamaganizo ndi cha kugonana chikachitika, chimawononga kwambiri ubwenzi wawo.” Izi zili choncho chifukwa, panthaŵi yachinyengo, munthuyo wayamba kale kupereka chisamaliro chochepa, chisamaliro, chikondi, ndi nthaŵi kwa wokondedwa wake.

Ngakhale kuti mkhalidwewo ukanakupangitsani kutaya chiyembekezo muubwenzi wanu, n’zothekabe kupita ku mbali ina ndi kumanganso ubwenzi wolimba, wathanzi. Zimatengera zomwe mukufuna mutadziwa za kusakhulupirika. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti kuwonongeka kwamtunduwu kudzakhala kosavuta kukonza. Zidzatengera kusasinthasintha, kuleza mtima, ndi khama, koma ngati onse awiri akufuna kuti izi zitheke, ndizotheka kupita patsogolo.

Kupeza kuti mnzanu wakuberani ndi nkhani yovuta kwambiri ndipo mungafunike thandizo pang'ono kuti muthane ndi vutoli, kaya kuti ubale wanu ugwire ntchito kapena kuti mupitirire patsogolo. Ku Bonobology, timapereka thandizo la akatswiri kudzera mu gulu lathu la alangizi ovomerezeka omwe angakuthandizeni kuyamba njira yobwerera m'mbuyo.

Kusakhulupirika kungakhale kosokoneza ndipo kukusiyirani mafunso ambiri. Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yakuthandizani kupeza mayankho a ena mwa iwo.

Ibibazo

Zolakwa 10 Zogwirizanitsa Ukwati Wogwirizana Zoyenera Kupewa Pambuyo Kusakhulupirika

Zinthu 8 Zomwe Zingawononge Banja

7 Mfundo Zomaliza Zaukwati Wachimwemwe MUYENERA Kutsatira

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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