Kugwa Mchikondi Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika - Ndi Bwino Ndipo Zoyenera Kuchita

Munayamba mwakhalapo ndi zomwe mumamva ngati mpweya watulutsidwa m'mimba mwanu? Kumverera koyipa, sichoncho? Umo ndi momwe kumakhalira ngati kuberedwa. Ndi zinthu zochepa chabe muubwenzi zomwe zimapweteka kwambiri ngati kusakhulupirika kwa wokondedwa wanu, ndiyeno, kuchoka m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo.

Kusakhulupirika ndiko kuswa lonjezo lopangana pakati pa okondedwa mwa malumbiro kapena chifukwa chongoganizira kuti ndi wokhulupirika. Kusakhulupirika kwapamtima kumeneku kumavulaza munthu ndi kumukhumudwitsa. Munganene kuti, "Palibe chomwe chimamva chimodzimodzi atabera." Kapena "Kudzipatula atandinyenga kumakhala kovuta kwambiri".

Ngakhale zitaoneka ngati zosatheka kuti malonjezo otere akwaniritsidwe, zimakhala zofala kwambiri. Mukayang'ana ziwerengero, mumapeza kuti pafupifupi 15-20% ya okwatirana amabera. Maphunziro aposachedwa a mabanja aku America zikuwonetsa kuti 20 mpaka 40% ya amuna omwe ali pabanja ndi 20 mpaka 25% ya akazi omwe ali ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha adzakhalanso ndi zibwenzi zakunja kwa moyo wawo wonse.

Kusakhulupirika kukachitika, zimatichititsa kukhala osokonezeka, osakwanira, komanso kumayambitsa kudzikayikira. Zimakusiyiraninso mafunso ambiri monga: Kodi kubera kungakupangitseni kusiya chikondi? Kodi kuchoka m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo ndikofunikira? Kodi mumatani ngati chikondi kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chidakali pansi pa mtima wanu? Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika?

Kusiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo kapena kugwa m’chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zovuta kwambiri kuchita. Ndinayankhula ndi mphunzitsi wa ubale ndi apamtima Shivanya Yogmayaa (ovomerezeka padziko lonse mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, ndi REBT), omwe amagwira ntchito zosiyanasiyana zaupangiri wa okwatirana, kumvetsetsa bwino kusakhulupirika, zotsatira zake, ndi kupeza mayankho a mafunso omwe ali pamwambawa.

Kodi Kugwa Mchikondi Pambuyo pa Kusakhulupirika Ndi Bwino?

Limeneli ndi limodzi mwa mafunso amene anthu ambiri amawafunsa akamva za kusakhulupirika. Anthu omwe amalandila chigololo nthawi zambiri amadandaula kuti, "Sindimakondanso mwamuna wanga atanyenga", "Sindingathe kupirira kuyang'ana mnzanga kuyambira nkhani za kusakhulupirika kwawo", kapena "Sindikukhulupirira kuti adandichitira izi, ndidakali wosakhulupirira".

Shivanya akuti, “Inde, kugwa m’chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo nkwachibadwa. Ndi mfundo yofunika kuizindikira chifukwa muli ndi malingaliro ena okhudza mnzanuyo, kuti angakhale okhulupirika ndipo amangoganiza za 'inu' ngati bwenzi lachikondi koma akamanyenga, zimakhala ngati galasi likuphwanyidwa mu zidutswa milioni.

Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika? Kodi kusakhulupirika kungakhudze kugonana? Shivanya akuganiza choncho. Iye akuti, "Ubwenzi wanu wogonana ndi wokondedwa wanu udzakhudzidwanso chifukwa tsopano, ubwenzi, kukhulupirirana, ndi zoyembekeza mu chiyanjano zasokonekera."

Kukhulupirirana ndikofunikira kuti ubale uliwonse ugwire ntchito. Ngati simungathe kukhulupirira wokondedwa wanu kapena chilichonse chimene akunena pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, mumayamba kukayikira kukhulupirika kwawo, osati pankhani ya kugonana komanso maganizo. Mumayamba kuwakayikira pazinthu zina monga zachuma kapena kulera ana. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri yambitsaninso kukhulupirirana pambuyo pa chinyengo.

Zifukwa zonsezi zingapangitse kuti muyambe kukondana pambuyo pa chigololo ndipo monga katswiri wathu adanena, ndi zachilendo kuti musamve chikondi kapena chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu mutapusitsidwa.

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Kodi Mungagwe Bwanji Mchikondi Pambuyo Pochita Chibwenzi Ngati Mumakondabe Mwamuna Wanu?

Inde, mukhoza kukhalabe m’chikondi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ngakhale atakunyengani. Panali zinthu zambiri zomwe zinapangitsa ubalewo, ndipo kulola kupita kumakhala kovuta, kunena pang'ono. Mwadongosolo, kusiya a kunyenga mkazi, kuposa ubale wosakwatirana, ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri chifukwa cha kugwirizana kwa mabanja, kukhalapo kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi nthawi zonse kunyumba, kutenga nawo mbali kwa ana, ndalama zogwirizanitsa, ndi zina zotero.

Shivanya akuti, "Nthawi zina, timapitiliza kukonda mnzako wobera chifukwa pali zinthu zina zambiri muubwenzi zomwe zimakukomerani, zomwe mumazikonda, ndipo zimakupangitsani kukonda mnzanuyo.

"Koma ndikofunikira kudzikumbutsa kuti musadalire munthu amene sanakukhululukireni. Ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti musamusankhe kuposa inu. Ngakhale mutamukondabe, muyenera kudzikonda kwambiri." Kusankha nokha pa munthu amene adadutsa pamzere wa chikhulupiriro ndikofunikira.

Komabe, ndizovuta. Nthawi zina, pamakhala manyazi ambiri m'mafunso monga "Kodi ndingakondebe bwanji munthu amene adandichitira zoyipa?" Samalani kwambiri kuti musalowe munjira iyi yakugwedeza mutu wanu. Sikophweka kugonjetsa wokondedwa wanu, kuchoka paubwenzi wapoizoni, ndi kugwa m’chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo. Koma pali zinthu zing’onozing’ono zimene tingachite kuti tiyambe ulendo wa machiritsowo, kuchita sitepe imodzi ndi imodzi. Nazi zina mwa izo:

1. Osadziimba mlandu

Kusakhulupirika kungakupangitseni kudzikayikira nokha ndikudziona kuti ndinu osakwanira. Mutha kuyamba kudzichepetsa ngakhale mutadziwa kuti si vuto lanu. Mungayambe kuganiza kuti, “Kodi ndi chinachake chimene ndinachita chimene chinawapangitsa kuchita zimenezi?”

Ayi. Zinachitika chifukwa kuyankhulana koyipa kuchokera kumapeto kwa mnzako. Ngakhale ataona kuti sali ofunika, osafunika, kapena osaoneka, anayenera kukambirana nanu zimenezi. Sibwino kudziona ngati wosakhutira ndi chibwenzi, koma kubera sikuthetsa. Si vuto lanu ngati mnzanuyo sanalankhule za kusakhutira kwawo. Simuli owerenga malingaliro.

Zinthu zikanapanda kusintha ngakhale atalankhulana, akanatha kusankha kuthetsa chibwenzicho m’malo mochita chinyengo. Kunena mosapita m’mbali, palibe zifukwa zabwino zochitira chinyengo munthu wina (pokhapokha ngati ali paubwenzi wankhanza), ndipo ayi, si vuto lanu. Ndi zabwino ndipo mwamtheradi mwamtheradi ngati inu kugwa chikondi pambuyo kusakhulupirika. Osadzigwetsa nokha pa izo.

2. Khalani ndi foni yodzutsa

Shivanya akuti, "Ngati mnzanu wakunyengererani, ndiye kuti ndi nthawi yoti mudzuke. Yakwana nthawi yoti mufunse kudalirika kwa munthuyo. Yakwana nthawi yoyang'anizana ndi chowonadi ndikuchivomereza. Izi zimakuthandizani kuwona zinthu momwe zilili m'malo momwe mumafunira. Zingakuthandizeninso kusiya mnzanu kapena mnzanu wachinyengo. "

Sikophweka, kungodzuka ndikukumana ndi chowonadi - ndi zowawa komanso zimayaka. Zimandipweteka ngakhale kuvomereza kuti munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri wakunyengererani koma ndikofunika kudzikumbutsa kuti sitepe yoyamba yopita patsogolo ndiyo kuvomereza ndikuvomereza zenizeni. Kudzikumbutsa nthawi zonse kumathandiza kuchepetsa ululu ndi kugwa m'chikondi pambuyo pa chigololo.

Katswiri wathu anawonjezera kuti, “Lolani kuti musiye chikondi, pitirizani kuyenda, ndi dzikondeni nokha zochulukirapo. Osadziletsanso kudziika patsogolo.” Sankhani nokha mobwerezabwereza chifukwa ubale wanu ndi inu nokha ndi wofunika kwambiri.

3. Lolani kuti mukhale ndi chisoni

Kutayika kwa ubale ndi kwakukulu ndipo mumaloledwa kumva chisoni ndi kulira. Chowonadi cha chibwenzi cha mnzako chingakhale chododometsa chomwe chimapweteka kwambiri. Kutayika sikuli kwa bwenzi lokha, ndi kutaya chikhulupiriro ndi ubwenzi, zonse zamaganizo ndi zogonana, chifukwa chake mungapeze kuti mukudutsa magawo asanu achisoni.

Mungapeze kuti mukukhala m’kukana (chowonadi chokondeka), mkwiyo (wokwiyira chifukwa cha kusiyidwa chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika), kukambirana (zonse ‘zikanakhala bwanji’ zitabwera kudzasewera), kupsinjika maganizo (kuchuluka kwachisoni kumene kumabwera chifukwa chovomereza kuti munakubera), ndipo pomalizira pake kuvomereza (kuvomereza zimene zinachitika ndi zimene zimatanthauza mtsogolo mwanu).

Kugwa m'chikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika kumafuna kuti mulole kuti mumve kuthamanga kwa malingaliro. Pita mu magawo onsewa ndipo dzichitireni chifundo pamene muli pachisoni. Kumbukirani kuti mulibe cholakwa. Ndinu woyenera kukondedwa.

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4. Tengani nthawi yanu

Tengani nthawi yanu kuti muthe kukana, kukwiya, kukambirana, kukhumudwa, ndi kuvomereza zomwe zikuchitika. Palibe nthawi yopitilira kapena kugwa mchikondi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, ndipo ndikofunikira kuti mudzilole kuti mumve zonse.

Osadzikakamiza kapena kuthamangira machiritso anu. Kumbukirani, kunyengedwa kumapweteketsa mtima ndipo ndikofunikira kuti mutengepo mbali imodzi ndikuchitapo kanthu kuti mulole mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo pang'onopang'ono kuti asakhale ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa za kusakhulupirika.

Palibe chifukwa chochitira manyazi kuti mukuchitabe mantha ndi zomwe zinachitika. Inde, mwathedwa nzeru. Alex, wowerenga, akugawana, "Mwamwayi, anzanga amandikumbutsa mofatsa kudzipatula atanyenga zimatenga nthawi yambiri. Anali olondola, zinali zowawa kwambiri komanso zowawa kwambiri. ”

5. Pezani thandizo

Shivanya anati: “Kulankhula ndi mnzanu kungakuthandizeni kuganiza bwino.” Kulandira thandizo kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo kungakuthandizeni kuona ngati ubwenziwo ndi wofunika kuusunga.

Zingakhale zovuta kudziwa zoyenera kuchita kapena komwe mungayambire koma kulandira chithandizo kuchokera ku dongosolo lanu lothandizira, kuphatikizapo wothandizira, kungakuthandizeni kuyendetsa nthawi yovutayi. Simuyenera kudutsa zomwe zidachitika nokha. Pemphani chithandizo ndikupeza chithandizo.

Kodi Ubale Wawonongeka Kosatha Pambuyo pa Kunyenga?

Kodi ukwati sukhala chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika? Kodi kubera kungakupangitseni kusiya chikondi? Kamodzi ndi kukhulupirirana kwatha, mumayamba kukayikira ngati zinthu sizili bwino komanso ngati banja lanu lidzakhalanso chimodzimodzi pambuyo pa chigololo. Tiffany, amene amaŵerenga Baibulo, anatiuza kuti: “Sindimakondanso mwamuna wanga atandinyenga.” Tinkakondana kwambiri moti tinkauzana chilichonse chokhudza moyo wathu.

Shivanya anati: “Chigololo chamaganizo ndi cha kugonana chikachitika, chimawononga kwambiri ubwenzi wawo.” Izi zili choncho chifukwa, panthaŵi yachinyengo, munthuyo wayamba kale kupereka chisamaliro chochepa, chisamaliro, chikondi, ndi nthaŵi kwa wokondedwa wake.

Ngakhale kuti mkhalidwewo ukanakupangitsani kutaya chiyembekezo muubwenzi wanu, n’zothekabe kupita ku mbali ina ndi kumanganso ubwenzi wolimba, wathanzi. Zimatengera zomwe mukufuna mutadziwa za kusakhulupirika. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti kuwonongeka kwamtunduwu kudzakhala kosavuta kukonza. Zidzatengera kusasinthasintha, kuleza mtima, ndi khama, koma ngati onse awiri akufuna kuti izi zitheke, ndizotheka kupita patsogolo.

Kudziwa kuti mnzanu wakunyengererani ndi vuto losatheka ndipo mungafunike kuthandizidwa pang'ono kuti muyendetse, mwina kuti ubalewo ugwire ntchito kapena kupitiriza. Ku Bonobology, timapereka chithandizo chaukadaulo kudzera mwa athu gulu la alangizi ovomerezeka amene angakuthandizeni kuti muyambe njira yakuchira.

Kusakhulupirika kungakhale kosokoneza ndipo kukusiyirani mafunso ambiri. Tikukhulupirira kuti nkhaniyi yakuthandizani kupeza mayankho a ena mwa iwo.

Ibibazo

Zolakwa 10 Zogwirizanitsa Ukwati Wogwirizana Zoyenera Kupewa Pambuyo Kusakhulupirika

Zinthu 8 Zomwe Zingawononge Banja

7 Mfundo Zomaliza Zaukwati Wachimwemwe MUYENERA Kutsatira

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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