Kusakhulupirika kungakhale vuto lalikulu kwa banja lililonse koma palibe template yoti aliyense athane nayo. Zomverera ndi zochitika zitha kumveka ngati zodziwika bwino koma zowawa ndi kugwedezeka kwake ndi zaumwini. Kwenikweni, pali njira ziwiri zothanirana ndi kusakhulupirika. Mukhoza kutenga mnzanuyo kuti achitepo kanthu, kuchoka muubwenzi, kapena mukhoza kunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo, kusankha kutsogolera moyo wanu popanda ziyembekezo za kukhulupirika mmenemo. Kusankha njira yachiwiri kungakubweretsereni maso ndi maso ndi funso lovuta la momwe munganyalanyaze mwamuna wachinyengo.
Njira yachiwiri ikhoza kuwoneka ngati kugonja ndipo amayi ambiri angakane malingalirowo. Komabe, munthu sayenera kuweruza. Ichi ndichifukwa chake: kutuluka kunja sikungakhale kusankha komwe kulipo kwa aliyense. Pakhoza kukhala zovuta zambiri zobwera chifukwa chothetsa chibwenzi komanso kukhalabe ndi kusankha kunyalanyaza mwamuna amene amakunyalanyazani kungakhale njira yabwinoko. Kusankha kukhalabe pambuyo ponamizidwa kungakhale kovuta kwambiri.
Kupeza njira zonyalanyaza mwamuna wonyenga kungathandize kuthana ndi ululu woperekedwa mosavuta. Komabe, tingavomerezenso kuti n'zosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Kunyalanyaza kuperekedwa kwa wokondedwa wanu chifukwa cha kukhulupirika kwanu kungakhale kopweteka kwambiri. Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kupeza momwe munganyalanyazire mwamuna wonyenga pogwiritsa ntchito malangizo ochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Kavita Panyam (Masters in Psychology komanso wogwirizana ndi bungwe la American Psychological Association), yemwe wakhala akuthandiza maanja kuthetsa mavuto awo a ubale kwa zaka zoposa makumi awiri.
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M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kunyenga kungakhale kwamitundu yosiyanasiyana. Amuna ena ndi achinyengo nthawi zonse , amakonda kunama komanso kuchita zibwenzi mobisa. Koma palinso ena omwe mwina adachita cholakwika chenicheni kapena omwe chibwenzicho chingakhale chochitika kamodzi kokha, zomwe amadandaula nazo. Chifukwa chake, momwe mkazi amayankhira chinyengo - kaya akufuna kukhululukira ndikunyalanyaza mwamuna wake wonyenga kapena kuthetsa ukwati - zimadalira kwambiri momwe zinthu zilili.
Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi anyalanyaza kusakhulupirika kwa mwamuna wake, kungakhale chifukwa cha zifukwa zambiri. Iye angakhale wosadziŵa mmene angachitire ndi mwamuna wachinyengo. Mwina alibe chosankha. Angakhale ndi ana oti azisamalira, kapena mwina sali wotsimikiza kukhala yekha. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, mkaziyo ayenera kuzindikira kuti zimenezo zidzawononga iye, maganizo ake ndi thanzi lake lakuthupi. kusakhulupirika,” akutero Kavita Panyam.
Komabe, zoona zake n'zakuti palibe njira 'yabwino' yochitira ndi mnzanu amene sali wokhulupirika kwa inu. Sizotheka 'kuchitira' mwamuna wonyenga ndikuyembekeza kuti adzakhala wokhulupirika mwadzidzidzi. Kusunga kapena kukhalabe muukwati wotere kumafuna khama lalikulu ndipo funso loti mudzifunse ndi lakuti - "Kodi ndimunyalanyaze wonyenga? Kapena ndichite khama kuti ndimuthandize kukhala pa njira yoyenera?" Ngati mwasankha woyamba, dziwani kuti mudzakhala mukuyenda panjira yolimba muubwenzi wanu.
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Malangizo 12 Omwe Munganyalanyaze Mwamuna Wonyenga
Moyo sudzakhalanso womwewo mukadzazindikira kuti mwanyengedwa. Zotsatira za kunyengedwa muubwenzi zingakhale zoopsa kwambiri. Mzimu wa chinyengo chake udzafalikira kwambiri muubwenzi wanu ngati mukukhala ndi mwamuna wonyenga popanda kumufunsa za izi kapena kukonza chilichonse. Nthawi iliyonse yomwe mumakhala naye idzakhala chikumbutso chowawa cha kusakhulupirika kwake ndipo mungadzipeze kuti mwatopa kwambiri pozindikira kuti ukwati wanu - ubale wapamtima kwambiri m'moyo wanu - watha.
Choncho, kukhala ndi mnzanu amene wakhala wosakhulupirika ndi kunyengerera komwe muyenera kuvomereza ndi kuzindikira kwathunthu. Kuti zikuthandizeni, muyenera kuyang'ana kwambiri momwe AMAyankhira pazochitikazo. Inde, njira imodzi yothanirana ndi vutoli ndiyo kusankha kunyalanyaza mnzanu wachinyengo pamene akutuluka si njira.
Funso ndi momwe. Kodi mumayang'ana bwanji diso kukusakhulupirika kumakuyang'anani pankhope? Kodi kunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo kumatanthauzadi kunyalanyaza kapena kuchita china chilichonse? Tiyeni tifufuze njira zina zonyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo kuti akuthandizeni kumvetsetsa momwe mungayendetsere vutoli:
1. Vomerezani kuti muli m’banja lomasuka
“Nthawi zina zingakhale bwino ngati muli wokonzeka kuvomereza kuti muli mu ukwati wotseguka,” akutero Kavita, “Ngati ndi ukwati wotseguka, nonse muli ndi mwayi wosankha kufunafuna okondedwa ena pazosowa zanu zosiyanasiyana - zakuthupi, zauzimu, zamaganizo kapena zachuma.” Ngakhale simunakambirane poyera za malire a ubale wanu, kusintha kumeneku kwa malingaliro kungakupangitseni kukhala kosavuta kuthana ndi zolakwa zake.
Sizingatchulidwe kuti 'kunyenga' m'lingaliro lenileni la mawuwa. Mukungoyenera kuvomereza kuti uwu udzakhala moyo wanu momwe mumadzipangira nokha ndikunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo. Zachidziwikire, zitha kukupwetekani nthawi ndi nthawi koma ndi zomwe mumakumana nazo pamapeto pake. Kupatula apo, zidzakutsegulirani mwayi wofunafuna maubwenzi apamtima kunja kwa banja lanu kuti mukwaniritse zosowa zanu zomwe simunakwaniritse muubwenziwo.
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2. Osayembekezera kalikonse kuchokera kwa okondedwa wanu
Yankho la momwe munganyalanyazire mwamuna wonyenga lingakhale pa zomwe mukuyembekezera muubwenzi. Mukadziwa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu sali wokhulupirika kwa inu, sizingakhale zovuta kunena kuti sakulemekezani kapena sakusamalani kwambiri. Chifukwa chake, kukhala wodzipereka ku zomwe mumayembekezera muubwenzi kungokubweretserani ululu ndi kuvulala kwambiri. Kuti muthane ndi kukhala ndi mwamuna wonyenga, dzipulumutseni ku zoyembekezera zaubwenzi.
Kupatula apo, kubwezera kwabwino kwa mwamuna wobera ndiko kumumasula ku ziyembekezo zirizonse ndi kumpangitsa kudziona kuti alibe kanthu. Osayembekezera kalikonse - m'maganizo kapena mwakuthupi - kuchokera m'banja kapena mwamuna wanu. Zingakhale zopweteka kuganiza kuti ukwati wanu ndi nthano pomwe, kupatula gawo lachinyengo, zonse zimakhala zopanda pake.
M'malo mwake, adzabera kwambiri chifukwa zawonekera kale ndipo mwasankha kunyalanyaza. “Simungathe kugona ndi munthu amene akugona ndi munthu wina amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu pokhapokha ngati mukufuna kugonana kwambiri, ndi bwino kuti musamayembekezere kapena kuvomereza chilichonse kuchokera kwa mnzanu, m’malo mwake muzidzichitira nokha,” akutero Kavita.
3. Chisoni ubwenzi wanu
Chifukwa chakuti simunasankhe kuchoka m’banja sizitanthauza kuti banjali ndi lamoyo ndipo likuyenda bwino. Ndipotu kukhala ndi mwamuna wachinyengo n’kumayang’ana mbali ina kungakhale kokhumudwitsa kwambiri kuposa kutuluka m’banja. Kutengera kuopsa kwa zochitika zachinyengo, zitha kuwoneka ngati ubale wakufa.
Kuti muthe kunyalanyaza mnzanu wonyenga, muyenera kuvomereza kuti ukwati wanu uli pamavuto . Njira imodzi yochitira zimenezi ndikudzilola kuti mumve chisoni ndi imfa imeneyo. Tengani nthawi yokonza mkwiyo wanu mukangoyamba kukhumudwa. Mudzadutsa m'magawo asanu a chisoni - kukana, mkwiyo, kukambirana, kukhumudwa ndi kuvomereza - musanavomereze kuti moyo wanu sudzakhalanso chimodzimodzi. "Ndikofunikira kudutsa mu ndondomekoyi ndikumvetsa chisoni ukwati wanu, ngakhale zitakhala zopweteka bwanji," akutero Kavita.
4. Samalirani maganizo ndi thupi lanu
Kodi kubwezera kwabwino kwa mwamuna wachinyengo ndi kotani pamene akutuluka si njira? Kuphunzira kudziyika nokha patsogolo. Muloleni aone kuti mukudziika patsogolo ndikubwezeretsanso moyo wanu monga munthu payekha. Idyani bwino. Mpumulo. Masewera olimbitsa thupi. Ndipo dzisamalireni nokha. Mukasankha kunyalanyaza chinyengo mwamuna, inu subconsciously kusema moyo osiyana nokha monga inu kusankha kukhala pansi pa denga limodzi ndi mnzanuyo.
Simungapitirize kulira ndi kukhumudwa chifukwa cha vutoli. Kapena pitirizani kukayikira chisankho chanu chopitiriza ndi mafunso monga ngati kuli bwino kunyalanyaza mwamuna wonyenga. Tsopano ndi mwayi wanu womanga moyo ndikukhala ndi umunthu woposa kukhala mkazi kapena mnzanu wa munthu wina ndipo muyenera kuukulitsa pang'onopang'ono. Choncho, kusamalira thanzi la thupi ndi la maganizo n'kofunika kwambiri kuti kuperekedwa kwa mwamuna wanu kusakhale pakati pa moyo wanu.
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5. Fufuzani chithandizo
“Kuchiza n’kofunika ngati mukufuna kupirira m’banja lachipongwe lodzala ndi kusakhulupirika ndi chinyengo,” akutero Kavita. Therapy ikuthandizani kuthana ndi malingaliro omwe mungakhale mukukumana nawo. Maganizo anu adzakhala osokonezeka pa momwe mungachitire ndi vuto koma kukambirana ndi katswiri, ndikusankha uphungu wa ubale kumathandiza.
“Muyeneranso kumvetsetsa momwe chinyengo chinayambira komanso zomwe zinachititsa kuti chichitike,” akuwonjezera. Izi zikuthandizani kuzindikira ngati munachitapo kanthu, komwe munalakwitsa komanso momwe muyenera kuyankha. Chithandizo chidzakuthandizani kuwunika bwino nkhaniyi ndikukuthandizani kudziwa momwe mungathanirane nayo. Ngati mukukhala ndi mwamuna wonyenga ndipo mukufuna thandizo kuti muthane ndi vutoli, alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito komanso ovomerezeka omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni.
6. Samalirani ana
Mukasankha kukhalabe m'banja momwe mumanyalanyaza mwamuna wonyenga, muyeneranso kuyang'anira ana anu, makamaka ngati ali ndi zaka zosatetezeka. Ngakhale kuti zotsatira za kusudzulana kwa ana zimakambidwa kwambiri, zotsatira zoyipa zamaganizo zomwe zimachitika chifukwa chokulira m'nyumba yosagwira ntchito bwino kapena yoopsa nthawi zambiri zimasiyidwa. Ndikofunikira kuti muyesere mosamala kuti musanyalanyaze izi ngakhale mutadziwa momwe munganyalanyazire mwamuna wonyenga.
Kavita anati: “M’pofunika kusamalira ana akangodziwa mmene zinthu zilili, maganizo a ana amakhala ofooka ndipo ngati azindikira kuti makolo awo ali paubwenzi womasuka kapena wosokonekera, zingasokoneze kudzidalira kwawo.
7. Chitani masewera olimbitsa thupi
Kuti musamamvere mnzanu wonyenga moona mtima, muyenera kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zanu moyenera. Mukayamba kukhazikika bwino mu kamvekedwe ka zomwe zingakhale zachilendo, yang'anani pakudziwongolera m'njira iliyonse. Chitani yoga, kusinkhasinkha, kusamala, ndi njira zopumira. Komanso, tengani masewera olimbitsa thupi kamodzi. Izi zingawoneke ngati kusintha kochepa, ngakhale kosafunikira, mukakhala ndi vuto lalikulu monga kusakhulupirika kwa mnzanu koma mudzazindikira kuti izi zikukhala mayankho othandiza a momwe munganyalanyazire mwamuna wonyenga.
Kukhala pachibwenzi chopindulitsa kungapangitse kukhala ndi mwamuna wachinyengo kukhala kosavuta. "Zochita zoterezi zimakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndi mphamvu mukakhala muukwati wozunza mosalekeza. Muyenera kuchotsa mphamvu zowonongeka zomwe zimasungidwa m'thupi, zomwe zikuwonetseratu zoopsa zomwe mukukumana nazo. Izi ndi njira zonse zoyendetsera malingaliro anu ndipo kenako moyo wanu. Masitepe ang'onoang'ono omwe angapite kutali, "akutero Kavita.
8. Ntchito. Pezani nokha ndalama
Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe amayi amasankha kunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo ndikukhalabe paubwenzi wopanda tanthauzo ndi chifukwa chakuti akhoza kukhala opanda ufulu wachuma chifukwa angakhale odalira kwambiri amuna awo pa moyo wawo. Ndicho chifukwa chimodzi mwa njira zothandiza kwambiri kunyalanyaza mwamuna chinyengo ndi kukhala wodziimira pazachuma.
Zingakhale bwino kuti muwonjezere zopeza zanu. Mukhoza kapena ayi zikugwirizana ndi kubera mnzanu ndalama koma adzakupatsani ufulu zambiri kuchita zimene mukufuna m'moyo. Komanso, mnzanuyo sangagwiritse ntchito kusowa kwanu kwa ndalama kuti azichita zinthu mwachipongwe. Chifukwa chake, tengani gawo loyambalo pomanga njira yopita ku ufulu wazachuma - kaya kubwerera ku ntchito yomwe mwaimirira kuti musamalire banja lanu kapena kupeza kuyitanira kwanu pantchito yatsopano.
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9. Khalani nokha
Chifukwa chake moyo womwe mwasankha ungakhale wa okhala m'chipinda chimodzi - anthu awiri okhala pansi pa denga limodzi koma akukhala moyo wosiyana. Komabe, chifukwa chakuti mwamuna wanu angakhale akungofuna zokhutiritsa kwinakwake siziyenera kukuchititsani kudzilola kupita kapena kudzimvera chisoni. Mbali yaikulu ya momwe munganyalanyaze mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachinyengo komanso kuti musalole kuti zolakwa zake zisokoneze mtendere wanu wamaganizo ndi thanzi lanu ndikusintha maganizo anu kwa inu nokha.
Chinsinsi cha kuphunzira kunyalanyaza mwamuna wonyenga chili pakukhala ndi makhalidwe abwino ndikudzikonda . Gwiritsani ntchito mwayi uwu kuyenda nokha kapena ndi anzanu ena. Mukamaganizira za thanzi lanu lakuthupi kapena lamaganizo, chitani izi nokha osati kubweretsa mwamuna wanu wolakwika. Kwenikweni, yambani kukhulupirira kuti mukukhala nokha - ngakhale mphete yomwe ilipobe pa chala chanu.
10. Pangani maubwenzi abwino ndi amuna kapena akazi anzanu
Mukakumana ndi kusakhulupirika, kudzidalira kwanu komwe kumapambana kwambiri. Tsopano, sitikunena kuti mupite kokachita chibwenzi, koma kufunafuna maubwenzi abwino ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kungakulimbikitseni. Ili lidzakhala gawo lovuta kukambirana ndipo muyenera kuyika malire anu bwino.
Mukanyalanyaza mwamuna wonyenga, musauze amuna nkhani zanu zachinsinsi. M'malo mwake, funani ubwenzi weniweni ndi ubwenzi womwe ungathandize kuchepetsa ululu womwe umabwera chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. Ngati ubwenzi weniweniwo ukukula kukhala chinthu china, musadzidandaule nokha. Bola ngati chikondi chatsopano kapena ubale watsopano umachokera ku malo enieni ndipo si kubwezera chinyengo , musalole kuti ukwati wanu wabodza usokoneze.
11. Musauze dziko za ukafiri wake
Limodzi mwa malangizo ofunikira kwambiri okhudza momwe munganyalanyazire mnzanu wonyenga ndilakuti musaulutse zovala zanu zonyansa pagulu. Ukwati wanu, mavuto omwe mumakumana nawo, ndi zomwe mwakonzeka kuchita kuti mukhalebe ndi moyo ndi zanu nokha. Simukuyenera kuuza dziko lonse za izi. Simukuyenera kuwauza kuti mwavomereza chinyengo cha mwamuna wanu koma chimakuvutitsani.
Ngati mwasankha kunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo ndikupitiriza kutsogolera moyo wanu momwe mukufunira, pangakhale mphekesera. Komabe, musalole oyandikana nawo kukhala m'moyo wanu. Komanso, chisankho chanu ndi chanu ndipo mulibe ngongole kwa wina aliyense. Mwasankha njira yomwe idakuyenderani bwino kotero kuti musachite manyazi nayo.
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12. Perekani nthawi
Ichi mwina ndi sitepe yofunika kwambiri pa ulendo wanu kudziwa mmene kunyalanyaza chinyengo mwamuna. Mukatha kugwedezeka koyamba ndikusankha chisankho chanu, muyenera kukhala nacho. Perekani nthawi yokambirana zabwino ndi zoipa zomwe zili m'mutu mwanu. Osadzivulaza kapena kudziimba mlandu chifukwa cha chisankho chomwe mwapanga. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, ngakhale mkhalidwe ngati uwu ukhoza kutha. Mwinanso mungapeze kulimba mtima kuti pomalizira pake muchoke m’banja m’malo mopitiriza kunyalanyaza mwamuna wachinyengo. Kapena mungapeze zinthu m’banja mwanu zimene zingakuthandizireni ndi kuzitsatira.
Kukhala ndi chigololo n’kosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Komabe, monga tanenera kale, banja lililonse n’losiyana ndipo maganizo amene munthu amakumana nawo ndi osiyananso, choncho palibe njira yabwino kapena yolakwika pa zinthu zina m’moyo. Koposa zonse, chimene mungachite ndicho kukhala nacho ndi kuchita bwino koposa.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
