Katswiri Akutchula Zotsatira 9 Zakubera Paubwenzi

Tonse takhala tikukumana ndi zovuta zachinyengo muubwenzi. Palibe amene sadziwa zotsatira zomwe zimachitika chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika. "Ndiye chifukwa chiyani wina amabera pambuyo pake?" - zimakupangitsani kudabwa. Kusasangalala ndi kusakhutira ndi ubale ndizomwe zimayambitsa pano. Nthaŵi zina, ngakhale woperekedwayo sangatayiretu mbali yake m’nkhaniyo. Kusamvana kapena kusayanjanitsika kuchokera kwa m'modzi kungapangitse winayo kubweretsa munthu wachitatu mu equation.

Tanthauzo la kubera likhoza kusiyana modabwitsa kuchokera ku banja lina kupita ku lina. Ndakhala ndikukhulupirira kuti kulosera za munthu wina osati chibwenzi chako ndi kusakhulupirika. Koma tsiku lina, bwenzi langa Em ananena za mnzawo kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ndimalota mphuno zanga m’maganizo mwake? Kotero, inde, lingaliro lonse la kusakhulupirika limayenda mu zone imvi.

Koma chinthu chimodzi chikuwonekera kwa ife - kubera sikuvomerezeka. Mosasamala kanthu za mtundu kapena pamlingo wotani wa unansiwo, kusakhulupirika kungawononge maziko a unansiwo. Kuti titsimikize maganizo athu ndi maganizo a katswiri, tinakambirana ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa CBT, REBT, komanso upangiri wamabanja. Werengani kuti mudziwe zambiri za zotsatira za kunyenga paubwenzi. 

Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.

Kodi Kubera Kumakhudza Ubale? 

Kupereka yankho lalifupi, inde, limatero. Zotsatira zoyipa za kubera pachibwenzi zimawonekera ngati kusweka mtima kwakukulu komanso koopsa nkhani za trust. Mwina, kukula kwa ululu kumadalira momwe chibwenzi cha mnzanuyo chinapitira pa zomwe zimatengedwa ngati chinyengo. Kaya zinali chifukwa chokondana kwambiri ndi munthu wina kapena amagona ndi wakale wawo wakale - mwanjira iliyonse, zomwe zimachitika chifukwa chachinyengo zimakhala zamphamvu kwambiri. 

Nandita Iye anati: “Chiyambukiro choyambirira ndi chanthaŵi yaitali cha kubera pachibwenzi n’chosiyana kwambiri ndi mnzake.” Muukwati wodzipereka kwa mwamuna mmodzi, zochita zoyamba za munthu winayo zimakhala zopweteka kwambiri kwa winayo.

"M'kupita kwa nthawi, zotsatira zoipa zotere za kubera muubwenzi wodzipereka zimabweretsa kudzikayikira komanso nkhawa kwambiri. kusatetezeka atanyengedwa zimakhudzanso maubwenzi amtsogolo. Chifukwa chakuti anachitiridwa chipongwe, munthu angavutike kukhulupirira bwenzi lake lamtsogolo mosavuta. Zidzawavuta kudziŵa ngati mnzawoyo ali woona mtima ndipo kufunika kwa kuona mtima kungasowe m’chibwenzi.”

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Khulupirirani kapena ayi, kubera kumabweretsa zotsatira zake zoipa kwa mnzanu yemwe ali ndi vuto. Ngati anangochita zinthu mopupuluma kwa kanthaŵi, chikumbumtima chawo cholakwacho chidzakwera kwambiri. Iwo angafune mwachidwi njira yochotsera zomwe zachitidwa. Kusowa chochita kungachititse kuti ayambe kuvutika maganizo. Ngati mnzanuyo anasankha kupitiriza zochita zawo mobisa kwa nthawi ndithu, liwongo kawiri ngati ananamiza onse awiri kwa nthawi yaitali.  

Nthawi zambiri zimachitika kuti woperekayo amadzitchinjiriza ndikuyesa kuneneza mnzake pa chilichonse chomwe chidalakwika pakati pawo. Masewera olakwa amakulitsa zotsatira za kunyenga pachibwenzi. A serial wachinyengo, kunyalanyaza konse zotsatira za karmic za chinyengo, amanyalanyaza zotsatira zomvetsa chisoni za wokondedwa wawo. 

Zotsatira Zachinyengo Paubongo

Mukukumbukira kumverera kwachisangalalo komwe kumawoneka kuti kukusefukira thupi lanu lonse mutayamba kukondana? Muli ndi mahomoni othokoza chifukwa cha izi. Munthu akagwa m’chikondi, ubongo wake umatulutsa dopamine ndi oxytocin, mahomoni osangalatsa. Izi zimasintha chemistry ya ubongo ndipo ndinu apamwamba pakumverera kwa chikondi. Anthu anali olondola, chikondi ndi mankhwala. Ndipo chikondi ichi chikachoka, ubongo umakhudzidwa. Nazi zina mwazinthu zomwe ubongo wanu umadutsamo:

1. Zizindikiro zosiya

Popeza kuti chikondi ndi malo ogulitsira a mahomoni ammutu otere, amatha kumva kukhala osokoneza bongo. Ndipo mukangodula mwadzidzidzi mankhwala osokoneza bongo, mumayamba kusiya. Izi ndizomwe zimachitika munthu akadziwa za chibwenzi cha mnzake. Kutulutsa kwa mahomoni achikondi kumayima ndipo kumakhala kowopsa m'maganizo zotsatira za chinyengo mu chiyanjano chawo. Malinga ndi a phunziro, ubongo umatha kuchoka. Mumakwiya, kukhumudwa, komanso kukhala ndi chifunga ndipo mutha kukhala ndi malingaliro ofuna kudzipha.

2. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Anthu omwe adaberedwa akuwonetsa zizindikiro zofanana ndi munthu yemwe ali ndi PTSD. Maloto owopsa obwerezabwereza, kuganiza mopambanitsa za chochitikacho, ndi zochitika zongobwera kumene ndi zina mwa zinthu zofala zimene munthu amavutika nazo. Nthawi zina amakhalanso okhudzidwa kwambiri ndi chiopsezo chilichonse. Malinga ndi kafukufuku, zonsezi zimabweretsa kusokonezeka kwa kugona komanso kudya zakudya zomwe zimawononga thanzi la munthu. Mwachionekere, kubera kumakhudza thanzi la munthu m’njira zambiri.

3. Kusweka mtima kumapweteka thupi

Monga momwe timafunira kukhulupirira kuti zotsatira za kubera muubwenzi ndikupwetekedwa mtima chabe, koma si chithunzi chonse. Mochuluka chotero pali masautso otchedwa matenda a mtima osweka. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti kupweteka kwambiri m'maganizo kumawonekera mwakuthupi. Florence Williams, wolemba sayansi, m'buku lake latsopano, Kusweka Mtima: Ulendo Waumwini ndi Wasayansi, amafufuza njira zomwe kupweteka kwambiri kwamalingaliro kungakhudzire mtima, kugaya chakudya ndi chitetezo chamthupi, ndi zina zambiri.

4. Kuchita chinyengo kumakhudza abambo ndi amai mosiyana

Malinga ndi kafukufuku, zotsatira za m'maganizo za kubera pachibwenzi zimakhudza amuna ndi akazi mosiyana. Kwa amuna, chinyengo cha kugonana pa chibwenzi chinali chopweteka kwambiri, pamene akazi amakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi zochitika zamaganizo. Ndipo izi ndizovuta kuyambira nthawi zakale. Amuna amawopa chigololo, chifukwa amafuna kuti mwanayo akhale thupi lawo, pamene akazi ali ndi mphamvu zolera ana ndipo amafuna mnzawo wokhazikika woti alere naye mwanayo.

Katswiri Akutchula Zotsatira 9 Zakubera Paubwenzi

Zotsatira zoyipa za kubera zimasiya zitseko zitatu zotseguka pamaso panu. Chibwenzicho chimatha pambuyo pa gawo lomvetsa chisoni la ukali ndi ukali, kapena okondedwawo amakhala limodzi ndi mtunda wosalephereka wakuthupi, wamaganizidwe, ndi malingaliro pakati pawo. Chachitatu ndi chovuta kwambiri komanso chowononga nthawi. Zimatengera khama lalikulu kuchokera kumbali zonse ziwiri kuti zithetse vuto latsokali komanso kumanganso ubale pambuyo pa chinyengo. 

Ndikumva kuti nkhani zokhulupirirana zimangochitika mwamaubwenzi okwatirana okha. Mukulakwitsa kwambiri ngati mukuganiza kuti anthu amakhalidwe osakwatiwa amakumana ndi zovuta zanthawi yayitali za kubera pachibwenzi. Banja lirilonse liri ndi malire ake ndipo kuwoloka aliyense wa iwo amawerengedwa ngati kubera. Zosavuta monga choncho!

Katswiri wathu anati, “Muubwenzi wopanda mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi, pangakhalebe madera omwe mumakhulupilira kuti mnzanuyo akugwira nawo ntchitoyo. mitundu yosiyanasiyana yachinyengo Zitha kuchitika m'njira zobisika - monga kunama komwe muli kapena kubisa chibwenzi chomwe mukudziwa kuti mnzanu sangavomereze. Zochita zachinyengo zingakhale zoipa ngati mmene zimakhalira ndi mwamuna ndi mkazi mmodzi.” 

Ngati ubale wanu ukudutsa mumkhalidwe uliwonse wa kusakhulupirika, kumvetsetsa zotsatira za kunyenga muubwenzi kungakuthandizeni kuthana nazo m'njira yabwino.

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1. Kupweteka kwakukulu kumafooketsa wokondedwayo

Loweruka lapitali, ndinapita kwa msuweni wanga kuti akamuone modzidzimutsa pa tsiku lake lobadwa. Koma magome adatembenuka ndipo ine, m'malo mwake, ndinadzidzimuka kumuwona ali mkati mwa ndewu yayikulu ndi mnzake. Kenako, Nowa anandiuza zakukhosi. Tsiku limenelo, anafika kunyumba mofulumira kuchokera ku ofesi ndi adagwira mnzake akumunyengerera m’nyumba mwawo. Ngakhale kuti anakwanitsa kutulutsa mwamunayo asanafike, chikwama chomwe chinali pa tebulo la khofi chinali umboni wokwanira wa chinyengo chake. 

Munthawi ngati izi, mutha kumva mtima wanu ukusweka. N’kosatheka kuletsa misozi munthu ataona mnzake akunyenga pamaso pake. Mutha kungoganizira momwe zingakhalire zovuta kukonza kusiyana komwe kudapangidwa pakati pa okonda. Ndipo, ndithudi, ubwenzi wapamtima sunayambe patebulo kwa nthawi yaitali.  

2. Chikhulupiliro chimatuluka pawindo

Sizikunena kuti zotsatira za kunyenga paubwenzi zimachotsa chikhulupiriro chanu m'chikondi ndi mwa mnzanu, ngakhale ndikukhala usiku umodzi. Simungakhulupirire ngakhale liwu limodzi lotuluka mkamwa mwawo, mosasamala kanthu kuti afotokoza zotani. Ngakhale wokondedwa wanu anganong'oneze bondo zochita zawo ndi akufuna kukonza, mudzakhala okayikira za kuthera nthawi yambiri ndi mphamvu mu ubalewu. 

Malingana ndi Nandita, "Kaya ndi nkhani zamaganizo kapena zogonana, sizikhala zophweka kuti ukhulupirire wokondedwa wako pambuyo pa chinyengo. Zidzatenga nthawi yambiri. Mwamuna amene wagonana ayenera kuyesetsa kwambiri kuti ayambenso kumukhulupirira. Kuleza mtima, chikondi, ndi kukhululuka kumafunika kuti asiye zomwe zinachitika kale ndikuyambanso."

3. Ndewu zosapeŵeka ndi mikangano yoopsa imayambika

Ah! Izi mwina ndiye zotsatira zoyipa kwambiri zankhani zamalingaliro. Mnzawo woperekedwayo ali ndi mtolo waukulu wa mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo mumtima mwawo. Kuphulikaku kumangobwera pambuyo pa mfundo, kaya mwadala kapena ayi. Palibenso njira ina yochitira mnzanu amene wanyenga kuposa kuyang'anizana ndi kukuwa ndi kulira kwa wokondedwa wake wovulazidwa, ndipo ngati zinthu zisintha moyipa, kusweka kwa zinthu kuzungulira nyumba. 

Koma apa pali chenjezo loyenera. Chifukwa cha kumwamba, chonde musalole kuti mkhalidwewo ukhale woipitsitsa nkhanza kapena kusokoneza ubale. Palibe, ndikubwereza, palibe chomwe chimalungamitsa nkhanza, mosasamala kanthu kuti ndi mnzanu amene adasankha kukweza dzanja lake. Ngati mukuganiza kuti simunakonzekere kuthana ndi vutolo ndi maganizo abwino, tulukani m’chipindamo. Pumulani, khalani pansi, ndipo bwerani kuti mudzakambirane ndi akuluakulu.  

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4. Mnzathu woberedwa amangodziona ngati wosafunika komanso wodziimba mlandu 

Munthu amene wadutsa mu zotsatira zoipa za kusakhulupirika mobwerezabwereza amadziŵa bwino mmene zimawonongera kudzidalira. Pambuyo pa mkangano wopweteka mtima umenewo ndi mnzake, Nowa (msuweni amene ndamutchula poyamba uja) anakana kotheratu, “Payenera kukhala chifukwa china chimene anasankhira munthu ameneyu kuposa ine. osamukwanira iye? Mwina ali bwino pogona. Mwina ndi wanzeru kuposa ine. Mwina ndinali wotanganidwa kwambiri kuntchito kwa miyezi ingapo yapitayo. Iye ankadziona ngati wosafunika.”

Mukuwona momwe zotsatira za kubera pachibwenzi zimalowera muubongo wanu? Izi zitha kuchitika kwa aliyense amene agwira mnzake wamba. Amakhala ndi chidwi kwambiri ndi maonekedwe awo ndi khalidwe lawo pafupi ndi mnzawo, ndipo pamapeto pake amadziimba mlandu chifukwa chothamangitsa mnzawo. Kusadzidalira kumeneku kukakhala kochulukira, munthu angayambe kuganiza zodzipha.

5. Kuberedwa kumakhudza ubale wawo wamtsogolo

Nandita akutiunikira pankhaniyi, "Sitingakane kuti kuberedwa kumakhudza maubwenzi amtsogolo. Munthu woberedwa amakumana ndi zowawa zambiri m'maganizo ndipo zomwe zimachititsa kuti anthu asamakhulupirirena ngakhale ndi okondedwa awo amtsogolo. Amakhala osamala kwambiri, kuyang'ana ndi kuyang'ana kawiri kuti atsimikize ngati wokondedwa wawo akunama kapena ayi. Nthawi zina, chifukwa cha kusamvana mobwerezabwereza akhoza kukhala pachibwenzi. "

Ndikukhulupirira kuti ambiri mwa owerenga athu, omwe adakumana ndi chipwirikiti chokumana ndi chinyengo, anganene kuti timabisala mu chipolopolo ngati momwe timachitira chinyengo. Timaphunzira mmene tingatetezere mitima yathu ndi kusachitanso zolakwa zomwezo. Zotsatira zanthawi yayitali za kubera pachibwenzi kumabweretsa nkhawa pachibwenzi. Kudziyika nokha kunja, kukumana ndi anthu atsopano, kulota za tsogolo ndi winawake - chirichonse chomwe chinabwera mwadzidzidzi m'mbuyomo chikuwoneka ngati ntchito yovuta tsopano.

6. Zingayambitse 'kubwezera chinyengo' 

Kubwezera chinyengo - kodi mawuwa akumveka ngati achilendo? Ndiroleni ndikufotokozereni chithunzi m'maganizo. Hannah anali ndi zowawa zazikulu komanso nkhawa pambuyo poti chibwenzi chake chimunyengerera ndi mnzake wapamtima Claire. Mkwiyo umenewo womwe unali mkati mwake unafuna kumulanga, ndi kumuvulaza monga momwe anamupwetekera. Ndi chimodzimodzi pamene ndinaganiza zobwezera chinyengo zinatulukira mu malingaliro ake. 

Kwenikweni ndi kubera munthu wachinyengo kuti awalawitse mankhwala awoawo. Kunena zoona, zotsatira zoipa za kubera ngati zimenezi sizingachitire zabwino aliyense. Idzangokulitsa zovutazo, kuyitanitsa mikangano yambiri. Komanso, ulendo wodziimba mlandu umene munthu amavutika nawo pambuyo pobwezera chinyengo ndi chosapiririka. 

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7. Chinyengo chimakhudzanso moyo wa banja lanu

Kubera kumakhudza thanzi lamalingaliro, komwe kuli kotsimikizika, koma kumawononganso moyo wabanja lanu. Nenani, mukupita ku chakudya chamadzulo chabanja nthawi yachinyengo itangokhudza ubale wanu. Mwachibadwa, padzakhala kusamvana pakati pa inu ndi mnzanuyo. Ngakhale zili zobisika, zovuta izi zitha kuwoneka kwa aliyense.

Choipa kwambiri, ngati kuwongolera mkwiyo si imodzi mwama suti anu amphamvu, ndewu yosasangalatsa ikhoza kubuka pakati pa chakudya chamadzulo. Zidzapanga phokoso lovuta pakati pa mamembala. Mwinamwake, poyambapo, mnzake wolakwayo anali kuyesera kutero kupepesa chifukwa chachinyengo. Chomvetsa chisoni n’chakuti usiku uno ukatha, iwo adzakhala ndi anthu ambiri amene amawayang’ana mowanyoza. 

8. Woberedwa atha kudikira karma kuti iwonetse masewera ake

Kodi mumakhulupirira filosofi ya karma? Ndiye, ndikuwopa kuti zotsatira za kubera muubwenzi wodzipereka zidzatenga nthawi yayitali. Chifukwa mudikirira ndikusunga chakukhosi mpaka mutawona mnzanu akuvutika ndi zotsatira za karmic zachinyengo. 

Mnzanga wokondedwa, udzapeza bwanji gawo lako lamtendere ngati sulola kuchita zazing'ono za wina? Muyenera kupanga chisankho thetsani chinyengo ndi kupitiriza ndi moyo wanu. Kuti muchite izi, ndikofunikira kumasula malingaliro anu ku zoyipa zakale. Chifukwa chiyani muyenera kutaya nthawi pa chinthu chosawoneka ngati zotsatira za karmic za kubera? Masulani chingwe chanu pamene simungathe kuchilamulira. 

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9. Mumatuluka mwamphamvu ngati banja 

Ngati mwayi umakonda inu ndipo chilengedwe chikumwetulira pa inu, mutha kuthana ndi masiku amtambo pambuyo pake. Chozizwitsa ichi chitha kuchitika pokhapokha onse awiri avomereza kuti ubalewu ndi wofunika kwambiri kwa iwo kuposa gawo lalifupi la zosankha zoipa. Timavomereza kuti zidzatengera kulimba mtima ndi mphamvu kuti mukhululukire mnzanu wachinyengo. Koma ndi kulapa kowona ndi manja achikondi kuchokera kwa mnzanu, mutha kudutsa izi limodzi, mutagwirana manja. 

Titafunsidwa ngati abwenzi atha kuthana ndi vuto la chinyengo, timagwirizana kwambiri ndi Nandita pomwe akuti, "Zimadalira abwenzi chifukwa ubale uliwonse ndi wosiyana. Sindingathe kunena kuti inde kapena ayi, koma nditha kunena kuti ndizotheka kuti zibwenzi zimatuluka mwamphamvu pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika. Zimatengera gawo la ubale, kukhwima kwa okondedwawo, komanso ngati mgwirizano wawo ndi wolimba bwanji, koma ngati onse awiri akufuna kuchita zinthu moona mtima. zidzatenga nthawi yaitali ndithu.” 

Ndi izi, timamaliza zokambirana zathu pazotsatira zachinyengo muubwenzi ngakhale utakhala usiku umodzi. Ndikukhulupirira kuti malingaliro athu athetsa malingaliro anu achifunga. Ndipo ngati sikunachedwe, yesani kupulumutsa ubalewu ku zotsatira zosafunsidwa za kusakhulupirika. Palibe vuto lililonse lomwe silingathetsedwe ndi kulumikizana kosasintha, koyenera. Perekani kamvuluvulu.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Disembala 2022.

Ibibazo

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