Kusudzulana Ndi Ana - 8 Zokhudza Kupatukana Kwambiri Makolo Ayenera Kudziwa

Zinthu zikasokonekera m’banja, kupatulapo okwatiranawo, zingakhale zovuta kwambiri kwa ana amene nthaŵi zonse amakumana ndi mavuto m’moyo wawo wonse. Chisudzulo ndi ana zimapangitsa kusakaniza kwamwala - mfundo yomwe timalephera kuvomereza mokwanira.

Chowonadi ichi chikuwonetsedwa bwino mufilimu ya 1979 Kramer Vs Kramer omwe anali ndi Meryl Streep ndi Dustin Hoffman otsogolera. Komabe, popeza okwatirana ochulukirachulukira akuzindikira kuti mwambi wakale wa “kukhalira limodzi kaamba ka ana” m’banja lopanda chisangalalo suli njira yabwino koposa, akusankha kupatukana.

Ngakhale kukakhala njira yabwino koposa yosiyidwira kwa inu, chosankha chothetsa ukwati sichiyenera kutengedwa popanda kusonkhezera chiyambukiro cha chisudzulo pa ana ndi kukhala ndi dongosolo lotsimikizirika la kuchithetsa.

Chisudzulo ndi ana akadali si mgwirizano wachilendo. M'malo mwake, chosangalatsa ndichakuti Ana a chisudzulo ali ndi mwayi wopitilira 35% wotha kusudzulana okha.

8 Zoyipa Zakusudzulana Kwa Ana

Mmene mumachitira ndi kusudzulana zimakhudza kwambiri mmene ana anu angachitire nazo. Ana ali ndi njira zodabwitsa zothanirana nazo. Ngati aphunzitsidwa njira ndi zida zoyenera zothanirana ndi vutoli, ndikusamalidwa panthawiyi, adzadutsamo zonse.

Ngati inu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mwafika pachimake m’banja mwanu mmene mikangano imaoneka ngati yosatheka, musanaganize zongothetsa banja, muyenera kukulitsa chisudzulo pa ana. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mupitirize kukhalabe m’banja losasangalatsa kapena losasangalala. Koma kuti inuyo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amene mwangotsala pang’ono kukhala mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, muyenera kupanga dongosolo loti kusinthaku kukhale kosavuta kwa ana.

Kukumbukira zotsatira zoyipa izi 8 za chisudzulo pa ana zitha kukufotokozerani momwe mungathanirane ndi vutoli:

1. Zachilendo zatsopano

Chisudzulo nthawi zambiri chimakhala nthawi yodzaza ndi nkhawa, chisokonezo, kukhumudwa komanso kusintha kosiyanasiyana kwa ana. Anthu okwatirana amayang’anizana ndi zotulukapo za ana ang’onoang’ono ndi kusudzulana komanso kuvutika kuti apirire. Chisudzulo ndi kungosiya koma njira imeneyi si yophweka. Zimabweretsa zovuta zambiri komanso malingaliro omwe amasiyidwa kuti athetsedwe. 

Ambiri 'makhalidwe osintha' amawonedwa pakati pa ana pamene akusintha kupita ku chikhalidwe chatsopano cha moyo wawo. Ambiri amatsutsa lingaliro la kukhala ndi nyumba ziŵiri zosiyana ndi kukhala ndi kholo limodzi lokha. 

Iwo amada nkhawa kuti makolo awo angasiye kuwakonda monga mmene amachitira. Ana ena amafika poona kuti kusudzulana ndi vuto lawo, n’kumaganiza kuti zimene anachitazo zachititsa kuti asudzulane. Vuto lalikulu limeneli pankhani ya kusudzulana ndi ana ndi pamene mwanayo ali ndi udindo wa chisudzulo. 

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 2. Kuchita ndi kholo limodzi

Nthawi zambiri ana amene anakula ndi makolo onse aŵiri amavutika kuti azolowere ndi kulimbana ndi kholo limodzi/lolera lolera mwana pambuyo pa kusudzulana. Pamene ayamba kuzoloŵera zizoloŵezi zatsopanozi, amasokoneza ubale ndi kholo lowalera, makamaka amayi.

Nthaŵi zina kholo limeneli, limene likupita kuchisudzulo, silingathe kulimbana ndi mmene mwanayo akumvera pa kusudzulana kapena kuwapatsa zimene akufunikira kuti avomereze chenicheni chosasangalatsa chimenechi. Momwe mungafotokozere mwana kusudzulana ndizovuta kuposa momwe timaganizira.

Zikatero, chilango chimakhala chosasinthasintha komanso chosagwira ntchito. Kholo likhoza ngakhale kuyamba kutalikirana ndi mwanayo. 

Zotsatira za chisudzulo pa mwana zimaphatikizirapo kukhumudwa, kukwiya, kuda nkhawa, kusinthasintha kwa malingaliro, chisoni chachikulu, kukhumudwa ndi kupsinjika maganizo, kubisa, kubwezera ndi kuswa malamulo. Izi ndi zotsatira zosakhalitsa zachisudzulo zomwe zingalepheretse kukula m'maganizo ndi m'thupi la mwana.

3. Chodetsa nkhawa kwambiri

Polimbana ndi chisudzulo ndi ana, muyenera kuyikapo pazovuta zomwe kusintha kangapo ndi kusintha komwe kungayambitse m'malingaliro awo aang'ono, osinthika. Makolo amene amam’patsa mwana ndi wina akukhala kutali, mwanayo amaona kuti kusudzulana ndi chinthu chodetsa nkhawa kwambiri chimene chimasinthiratu moyo wake.

Ana a makolo osudzulidwa nthaŵi zina amafunikira kusintha mizinda, sukulu ndi kuleka kuonana ndi kholo limodzi, kusamukira ku nyumba yatsopano, kupanga mabwenzi atsopano, madera atsopano, kuzoloŵera kukhala ndi kholo limodzi lokha lopezeka m’moyo wawo watsiku ndi tsiku.  

Ngati kholo losunga mwana lasankha kukwatiranso, kupsinjika maganizo kokhala ndi azichimwene ake opeza ndi kuzoloŵera munthu watsopano wobwera m’khola kungakhale chodetsa nkhaŵa china.

 4. Spike mu zovuta zamakhalidwe

Kuchita zovuta, kutsika kwa magiredi kusukulu, kuchita zinthu mopupuluma kapena mopupuluma, uchigawenga ndi mikangano ndi anzanu komanso abale kapena kholo kunyumba. Nthawi zina ana akamaona kuti kholo limodzi ndi limene lili ndi udindo koma lina silili, amaphwanya malamulo poganiza kuti akhoza kuswa malamulowo.

Chizoloŵezi chochita zinthu mwachisawawa n’kulephera kudziletsa chingakhalenso njira yodzudzulira makolowo kuti asiyane. Chisudzulo ndi ana ndi kuphatikiza kowopsa chifukwa sikuti mwanayo amangokumana ndi zinthu zosasangalatsa zakunja, komanso amayenera kusinthanso mavuto amkati. 

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5. Khalidwe loika moyo pachiswe

Ana omwe ali ndi makolo osudzulidwa amakhala ndi mwayi wochita zinthu zowopsa monga kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, chiwerewere, kumwa mowa ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo, kuchita zachiwembu ndi zina zotero. Amakhalanso gulu lomwe ali pachiwopsezo chachikulu chochita zogonana asanakwanitse zaka 16.

Ukwati wolephera wa makolo ukhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zifukwa zofala za kusasungika. Chifukwa cha kusatetezeka kumeneku, amachita zinthu zopanda thanzi kuti athetse mavuto omwe ali nawo. 

6. Zingakhudze magiredi

Chisudzulo chimatanthauza kusintha kwa makolo ndi ana. Kwa ana, ndi nthawi yosokoneza kwambiri komanso yokhumudwitsa. Izi zitha kukhudza magiredi awo ndi nthawi yophunzirira pamene akuyesera kumvetsetsa zomwe zikuchitika kunyumba ndikuyika maphunziro awo pamoto wakumbuyo.

Nthawi zambiri pamene makolo amatenga nawo mbali pamilandu yachisudzulo kapena kusintha pambuyo pa kusudzulana, iwo amakonda kusayang’anira maphunziro a ana kapena kuwathandiza pa maphunziro awo.

Apa ndipamene magiredi awo amayamba kutsika ndipo kutsika kukuchitika komwe kungatenge nthawi kuti kukonze.

  7. Chiwopsezo chachikulu cha matenda amisala

Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti ana a makolo osudzulana amakumana ndi mavuto a m’maganizo ndi kusintha, mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu wawo, jenda ndi chikhalidwe chawo. Amapezanso kuti chiwopsezo cha nkhawa ndi kupsinjika maganizo ndipamwamba kwambiri pakati pa ana omwe ali ndi vutoli makolo amene anasudzulana.

 

8. Wachikulire wovuta khalidwe

Ana ambiri amaona makolo awo akugawanika, kukwatiwanso kapena kukhala kholo limodzi, amakumana ndi mavuto osathetsedwa kuyambira pamene akukula komanso kukhala ndi maubwenzi akuluakulu. Izi zitha kuyika mwa iwo a kuopa kudzipereka kapena chizolowezi chodziwononga, zomwe zimawalepheretsa kukhala ndi ubale wabwino m'moyo wawo. Anthu ambiri amangoyamba kudwala matenda amisala, zomwe zimasokoneza thanzi lawo la m’maganizo ndipo zimawachititsa kuti azigwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo.

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Zimene Katswiri Akunena Za Chisudzulo ndi Ana

Cognitive Therapist ndi psychiatrist Dr Shefali Batra imasokoneza zotsatira za chisudzulo pa khalidwe la ana limene makolo angayang’anire ndi kuwalondolera pamene akusudzulana:

Zimene ana amamva pambuyo pa kusudzulana

Kuyambukira kwa chisudzulo pa ana kungakhale kovutitsa kwambiri. Sizimangowapangitsa kukayikira anthu omwe amawakhulupirira kwambiri komanso zimawapangitsa kudziona kuti ndi otsika komanso olakwa. Ana amakonda kudzipangira okha vuto lomwe lingawonekere m'makhalidwe ovuta kwambiri, monga:

• Kuthamangitsidwa
• Kukhumudwa
• Kutaya kudzilamulira kwawo
• Kutetezeka
• kusungulumwa
• Kulakwa ngati kuti anayambitsa
• Chifundo
• Regression (kuchita ngati mwana wamng'ono)

Zomwe kusudzulana kumachita kwa achinyamata

Nthawi yaunyamata ndi nthawi yovuta m'moyo wa munthu aliyense. Kuwonjezera pamenepo, kuona makolo anu akusudzulana kungachititse kuti zinthu ziipireipire. Achinyamata akhoza kutaya chilimbikitso m’moyo kapena kukhala ndi khalidwe lopulupudza kuti athane ndi mavuto awo.

• Nkhani zamaphunziro
• Zochita zosagwirizana ndi anthu
• Lowani pachibwenzi wamba
• Chiwerewere
• Khalani waukali
• Ndiwopanda udindo
• Mutha kukumana ndi ulesi
• Yang'anani ndi vuto lodziwika bwino

Ngati makolo adziŵa bwino mmene chisudzulo chimakhudzira ana angawathandize kupirira bwino lomwe mkhalidwewo, kuthetsa malingaliro oipa ndi kumanga tsogolo labwino pamodzi kuvomereza kusintha kumene kwachitika m’moyo wawo.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.