Zomwe Zimachitika Isanayambe, Panthawiyi, Komanso Pambuyo pa Kunyenga mu Ukwati

Kodi ndi chiyani chomwe chimaonedwa ngati chinyengo muukwati? Kwa anthu ambiri, ndi kugonana ndi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Kugonana ndi kugonana ndiko kumathetsa kupatulika kwa ukwati. Kupereka kumatengedwa kuti ndi tchimo lalikulu chifukwa pamene wapereka kwa wina, umayenera kukhala wokhulupirika ndi woona mtima. 

Pankhani ya maubwenzi apamtima, kubera ndizovuta kwa ambiri. Sikofunikira kuti kupanda chimwemwe m’banja kokha kumabweretsa kusakhulupirika. Ngakhale anthu osangalala kwambiri akhoza kunyenga akazi awo. Chifukwa chakuti zimachitika kawirikawiri, kodi tiyenera kulungamitsa kubera? Nanga bwanji za ululu waukulu ndi kupwetekedwa mtima kumene kumadzetsa munthu amene akuberedwa? 

Kuti timvetse bwino momwe kusakhulupirika kumakhudzira ukwati, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Devaleena Ghosh (M.Res, Manchester University), yemwe anayambitsa Kornash: The Lifestyle Management School, yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa mabanja komanso chithandizo cha mabanja.

Mitundu Ya Kusakhulupirika 

Malinga ndi Pew Research Center , anthu opitilira 90% aku America amaona kuti kusakhulupirika ndi chinthu choipa koma pafupifupi 30% mpaka 40% aku America amabera akazi awo. Mu kafukufuku wina wa YouGov.com, 19% ya omwe adafunsidwa adati adachitapo zachiwerewere kunja kwa ubale wawo wapano.

Mosiyana ndi zimene anthu ambiri amaganiza, kugonana si chinthu chokhacho chimene chimapangitsa anthu kukhala osakhulupirika. Akhoza kukhutitsidwa pogonana koma amachitira chinyengo mnzawo. Mitundu isanu yakusakhulupirika yodziwika bwino pakati pa anthu okwatirana:

1. Kusakhulupirika pa intaneti 

Mtundu uwu wa kusakhulupirika umachitika mu dziko la pa intaneti mu mawonekedwe a zochitika pa intaneti. Devaleena akuti, "Kusakhulupirika pa intaneti ndi komwe kumachitika musanayambe kuchita zogonana. Ngati akugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yambiri pafoni yawo, ndiye kuti muyenera kudziwa ngati mnzanuyo akukunyengani pa intaneti . Nkhani ya pa intaneti iyi ndi ya digito ndipo imachitika mu maimelo ndi mafoni apakanema. Kusakhulupirika pa intaneti kumaphatikizapo kukopana, kutumizana zithunzi, komanso zolaula ngati zikuchitika popanda mnzanu kudziwa."

2. Kusakhulupirika m’maganizo 

Izi zimatchedwanso kusakhulupirika kwachikondi. Pamene munthu alibe pang'ono kugwirizana maganizo ndi bwenzi lake, iwo kuyang'ana pa ubwenzi maganizo munthu wina. Amakhala odzipereka kwa okondedwa awo koma kusowa kwa kulumikizana kwamalingaliro kumawapangitsa kulakalaka zakuya zamalingaliro.

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3. Kusakhulupirika mwamwayi 

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa mitundu yofala kwambiri ya kusakhulupirika. Ndi pamene mmodzi wa okwatirana alolera ku mayesero ndi kugonana ndi wina. Chilakolako chingapangitse anthu kuchita zinthu zimene amanong’oneza nazo bondo. Ndicho chifukwa chake chimatengedwa kuti ndi chimodzi mwa machimo akupha. Kuchulukitsitsa kwa zilakolako zakugonana ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zazikulu zomwe zimapangitsa kusakhulupirika pankhaniyi. 

4. Kusakhulupirika pazachuma 

Devaleena akuti, “Ngati banja lagwirizana kuti likhale ndi ndalama pamodzi koma mmodzi wa iwo akanama, kuba, kubisa, ndi kuwononga ndalama popanda mnzake kudziwa, ndiye kuti ndi kusakhulupirika pazachuma .” Kukhala ndi makadi a ngongole a mnzanu komanso kukhala ndi maakaunti achinsinsi akubanki kumagweranso mu mtundu uwu wa kusakhulupirika.

5. Kusakhulupirika kwapang'ono 

Kusakhulupirika kwamtunduwu kumachitika pamene mwamuna kapena mkazi amasewera pakati pa kukhala wokhulupirika ndi kukhala wosakhulupirira. Sanachitepo kalikonse konyenga mnzawo. Koma amachita zinthu zing'onozing'ono zopanda vuto izi zomwe akudziwa kuti zingakhudze munthu amene akuyang'ana. Zina mwazinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusakhulupirika kwapang'ono ndi izi:

• Kuvala mosiyana kuphwando kapena mwambo pamene mukudziwa kuti munthu ameneyo adzakhalapo 
• Kucheza nawo mobisa 
• Kukopa

Zizindikiro 5 Zosonyeza Kuti Mwamuna Kapena Mkazi Wanu Akukuberani 

Devaleena akuti, “Banja lililonse lili ndi mphamvu zosiyana. Zizindikiro izi sizitanthauza kuti mnzanuyo akukunamizani. Koma izi ndi zizindikiro zodziwika bwino zomwe munthu wina ali nazo pa moyo wa mnzanuyo .” Kuti musasokonezedwe ndi izi, nazi zizindikiro zina za mnzanu wonyenga.

1. Kusintha kwa khalidwe ndi kaganizidwe 

Devaleena anati: “Chinthu choyamba chimene mungazindikire ndi mmene khalidwe lawo lasinthira. Mwamuna kapena mkazi amene amabera amakhala wonyada, wosadetsedwa, ndipo amangofulumira kukudzudzulani.

Zosintha zina zingapo zamakhalidwe zomwe ziyenera kuyang'aniridwa ndi:

• Amakwiya kapena kudziteteza mukatchula munthu wina
• Ankakonda zinthu zina koma amaoneka kuti sakuzikondanso 
• Amakhala ndi chidwi kwambiri ndi momwe amawonekera komanso zomwe amavala
• Iwo akhoza kuwoneka kutali mmalingaliro kapena kuyamba kupereka chidwi chachilendo kwa inu, pafupifupi ngati iwo overcompensating chinachake

Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhoza kukhala wopanikizika kwambiri kapena kukhala ndi mavuto a ntchito omwe sangawonekere. Koma kusintha pang’ono kwadzidzidzi kumeneku kungatanthauzenso kuti ali ndi chibwenzi kunja kwa banja. 

2. Kuwonjezeka kwa nkhani zoyankhulirana

Nkhani zolankhulana sizili zabwino ngakhale m’maukwati okhazikika ndi otetezeka. Kusakhulupirika si chinthu chokhacho chomwe chingawononge ubale. Kusalankhulana kumagwiranso ntchito yopambana. Kuti mukhale ndi mgwirizano wabwino, muyenera kulankhulana bwino ndi wokondedwa wanu. 

Mnzanu wosakhulupirika salankhulana nanu kwambiri. Ngakhale atatero, amachita ngati sakufuna kulankhula nanu. Amagwedeza mitu yawo ndikuchita ngati kuti zonse zili bwino kuti angomaliza kukambirana. Zizindikiro zina za mavuto olankhulana ndi izi:

• Sakuyamikani kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mawu otsimikiziranso 
• Adzanyalanyaza zimene ukunena 
• Maonekedwe a thupi lawo ndi manja monga kutembenuza maso ndi kuusa moyo zimasonyeza kukwiya kwawo 

3. Kunama modzidzimutsa ndi kupewa

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kusakhulupirika m’banja ndicho kunama ndi kupewa kukambitsirana zovuta. Mukaona ngati akunyalanyazidwa ndi wokondedwa wanu, zikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti wokondedwa wanu akuchita zogonana kapena maganizo.

Devaleena anati, “Munthu wachinyengo amangokhalira kubisa zinthu mwadzidzidzi. Munadziwa mawu achinsinsi a foni yawo kamodzi koma asintha tsopano. Kunama kungaoneke ngati chinthu chaching’ono. Koma bodza limodzi limabweretsa mabodza ena ambiri. 

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4. Kusaganizira chilichonse chokhudza ukwati wawo 

Mphwayi ndi njira ina imene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu angakhumudwitseni pamene akugonana ndi munthu wina. Mphwayi ndi mphwayi wawo zidzaonekera m’zinthu zazing’ono zimene sazichitanso. Mwina, poyamba ankakonda kuphika nanu koma tsopano samalowa m’khitchini. Ankakonda kusewera nanu masewera koma tsopano ali otanganidwa kwambiri moti sangathe ngakhale kumwa khofi ndi inu.

Zizindikiro zina zomwe mwamuna wanu akukukondani ndi izi:

• Mnzanu wosakhulupirika sabwera kudzathetsa vuto pamene nonse mwasemphana maganizo
• Iwo samasamala za masiku amasiku, zikondwerero zachikumbukiro, ndi masiku akubadwa 
• Sachita nsanje pamene wina ayandikira mnzake wofunikira 

5. Kusintha kwa moyo wogonana 

Devaleena anati: “Mwamuna kapena mkazi wachinyengo safuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake. Zosintha zina pamiyoyo yawo yogonana ndi izi:

• Zatsopano zimayenda pabedi zomwe zingakudabwitseni ndikukusiyani mukudabwa komwe adaziphunzira
• Kumva kuti mnzanuyo ali kutali kwambiri mu nthawi zanu zapamtima komanso kugonana kumakhala kosangalatsa ndi makina
• Wokondedwa wanu wapezeka ndi matenda opatsirana pogonana kapena matenda opatsirana pogonana ngakhale alibe mbiri yake ndipo mwakhala pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali.

Zifukwa 5 Zomwe Mwamuna Wanu Amakuchitirani Bwino 

Palibe ukwati umene ulibe chinyengo. Ngakhale mabanja osangalala kwambiri amatha kukhala ndi ziboda pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana. Kuchokera ku zowawa zakale zamaganizo mpaka kusokonezeka maganizo, kuledzera, ndi kulephera kulimbana ndi zovuta za tsiku ndi tsiku, zinthu zambiri zingapangitse munthu kuswa kukhulupirika. 

Ponena za zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa chinyengo m'banja, katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia , (MSc Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa nkhani zokhudzana ndi kuyanjana, nkhani za kulera ana, ndi uphungu wa ukwati, anati, "Kuyambira pachiyambi, munthu amene amachita chinyengo muubwenzi wodzipereka amaonedwa kuti ali ndi makhalidwe oipa. Amatchedwa achigololo ndipo zochita zawo zimagwirizana mwachindunji ndi kampasi yawo ya makhalidwe abwino. Palibe amene amaganiza kuti akhoza kukhala ndi mavuto enaake okhudza thanzi la maganizo.

"Akhoza kukhala ndi katundu wamaganizo womwe sakudziwa momwe angathanirane nawo, mwina akukumana ndi matenda monga bipolar disorder, mwina akhumudwa, akukumana ndi nkhawa kuntchito, kapena akukumana ndi imfa ya wokondedwa wawo. Komabe, palibe chifukwa chilichonse mwa izi chomwe chimatsimikizira chinyengo, kupatulapo kusakhala ndi maganizo abwino (kuledzera chifukwa chogwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo) pamene ananyenga."

Kutengera kumvetsetsa kumeneku, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa zifukwa zomwe anthu amachitira chinyengo m'banja mwatsopano: 

1. Kusakhulupirika m’banja kumachitika pamene wina wagwa m’chikondi 

Devaleena akuti, "Anthu nthawi zambiri amalankhula za kugwa m'chikondi. Koma nthawi zambiri amaiwala kuti pali mwayi wofanana wogwa m'chikondi. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimayambitsa mavuto muubwenzi." Zina mwa zizindikiro za mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kusiya kukondana nanu ndi izi:

• Wochepa wachikondi ndi inu
• Sapanganso manja achikondi ndi okoma
• Kugwirana pang'ono mwakuthupi monga kugwirana pamanja ndi kukumbatirana

2. Zofuna zogonana zosakwanitsidwa

Ngati zofuna za munthu zakugonana zikukwaniritsidwa m’banja, angafunefune zokhutiritsa kunja. Mwinamwake, mnzanu wonyenga akuyesera kudzaza dzenje lopangidwa ndi zosowa zawo zosakwanira. Munthu amasokonezeka maganizo akamalimbana ndi vuto la kugonana tsiku ndi tsiku. Zikatero, ngati akumana ndi munthu watsopano ndikudina naye, zinthu zitha kukulirakulira. 

Mwinamwake akufuna kuyesa zinthu zatsopano pabedi ndipo mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo sali wokonzeka kutero. Mwina mnzawo wosakhulupirika ankafuna kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima ndi munthu amene maonekedwe ake ndi osiyana ndi a mnzawo.

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3. Zosowa zamaganizo zosakwaniritsidwa

Devaleena akuti, "Nthawi zina timanyalanyaza zosowa za mnzathu zamaganizo. Izi zimachitika makamaka m'mabanja ndi maubwenzi a nthawi yayitali. Zotsatira zake, angasiyidwe osafunikira muubwenzi . Tingachite zonse zomwe tingathe kuti tikhale osangalala. Tikhoza kuwaphikira, kuwatengera ku tchuthi chodula, komanso kuchita chilichonse kuti tikwaniritse zosowa zawo zogonana koma kulumikizana kwamaganizo kungakhalebe kulibe. Ndiye, chimachitika ndi chiyani ngati palibe kulumikizana kwamaganizo? Amasochera ndikuyang'ana ndi wina."

Uphungu waukwati umakhala wofunikira kwambiri pamene zosoŵa za m’maganizo zimanyalanyazidwa m’banja. Zina mwazofunikira zamalingaliro muubwenzi ndi izi:

• Kuyamikira
• akazindikire 
• Kulandiridwa
• Kuvomereza
• Chisoni
• Kupititsa patsogolo 

 4. Kudziona ngati wopanda ulemu kungayambitse chinyengo m’banja

Devaleena akuwonjezera kuti, “Sizosonyeza kuti kudziona kukhala wosafunika ndicho chinthu chachikulu chimene chimachititsa kusakhulupirika. Iwo amafunikira kutsimikiziridwa ndi kukondedwa kuchokera kwa anthu oposa mmodzi kuti akweze malingaliro awo odziona kukhala ofunika.

Zizindikiro zina za kudziona ngati wopanda ulemu mwa mwamuna kapena mkazi ndi izi:

• Kudzidalira kochepera
• Kukhala wofuna kuchita zinthu mwangwiro
• Kudzikayikira ndikupewa nthawi zonse kusatetezeka kwawo 
• Kuopa kulephera
• Nthawi zonse amayesetsa kuchita zomwe angathe kuti asangalatse ena 

5. Matenda a maganizo

Palibe ukwati womwe sungathe kuchitidwa chinyengo. Ngakhale banja litakhala ndi ubale wabwino komanso wathunthu, kuyamba kwa mavuto amisala kungapangitse kuti achite chigololo. Mwachitsanzo, mwatsoka, mnzawo akhoza kukhala ndi matenda a maganizo monga bipolar disorder. Malinga ndi kafukufuku , kuyambira 25 mpaka 80% ya anthu onse omwe ali ndi bipolar disorder ali ndi chomwe chimatchedwa hypersexuality.

Bipolar mania imayambitsa zilakolako zosalamulirika zogonana, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti munthu azikonda kwambiri kugonana komanso kuchita zinthu movutikira. 

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Ndi zowawa kuberedwa. Ndipotu, ululu ndi mawu ochepa. Ndi zowawa, mkwiyo, ndi zomvedwa zana zosiyana zimakugundani nthawi imodzi. Palibe vumbulutso la kunyenga muukwati ndi losavuta. Mchitidwe woperekedwa kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi umaphatikizapo kumenyana ndi wachigololo kapena kuwapewa. Ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi woperekedwayo ndipo zimatengera zambiri kuti achire. 

Izi zili choncho chifukwa cha malingaliro osiyanasiyana omwe okwatirana osakhudzidwa amakumana nawo akazindikira kuti ukwati wafika pamavuto. Kuyambira kukana mpaka kuvutika maganizo mpaka kudziimba mlandu, amakumana ndi mavuto ambiri asanavomereze chowonadi. Kuthana ndi zotsatira za kusakhulupirika sikusiyana ndi kuyenda m'magawo asanu a chisoni. Ngati mukupeza kuti muli mu vuto la maganizo otere, malangizo otsatirawa a momwe mungathanirane ndi kuvutika maganizo ndi kusakhulupirika angathandize:

1. Pezani chithandizo 

Devaleena akuti, “Mukazindikira kuti mwanyengedwa, funani thandizo la akatswiri. Iyi si mtundu wa kuvulala komwe kumadzichiritsa nokha. Maganizo anu akhoza kukhala oipa komanso onyansa. Izi ziyenera kuthetsedwa ndi katswiri wa mabanja kapena mlangizi wa mabanja.” Ngati mukufuna thandizo la akatswiri, gulu la alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito ku Bonobology lili pafupi nanu.

2. Osafuna kubwezera

Ngati inu anabera pa, ndiye kubera mnzanuyo ndi kupanga ubale watsopano ndi munthu si njira yoyenera kuchita izo. Simukuyenera kukhala wachinyengo mutaberedwa. Zidzangowonjezera mavuto m'banja lanu. 

3. Dziwani kuti ili si vuto lanu

Chibwenzi chinachitika pakati pa mnzanu ndi wina. Izi sizikugwirizana ndi inu. Si vuto lanu. Nthawi zambiri mumadzikayikira nokha komanso kudzikayikira. Koma musachite zimenezo kwa inu nokha. Devaleena akuti, "Ngakhale mutasankha kusiya ukwati mwamtendere , nthawi zonse dziwani kuti mgwirizanowu unasweka chifukwa cha mnzanu wosakhulupirika. Simuyenera kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa pa chilichonse."

4. Khalani ndi nthawi yotalikirana ndi wokondedwa wanu

Ngati mukufuna kupulumuka kusakhulupirika ndipo musapite kukapatukana mwalamulo, ndiye kuti ndi momwe mungachitire. Perekani wina ndi mzake malo. Kuchira kudzakhala kosavuta ngati simukukumbutsidwa za chigololo cha wokondedwa wanu. Izi zidzakupatsani malingaliro omveka bwino ngati mukufuna kupitiriza ukwati umenewu kapena ayi.

5. Dziwani zoyenera kuchita kuti tipewe kulekana mwalamulo 

Devaleena anati: “Ngati muli ndi ana ndipo simukufuna kusudzulana, muyenera kudziwa zimene muyenera kuchita kuti banjali lithe. Dulani munthu wina amene akukhudzidwa ndi kusakhulupirika kumeneku ndipo phunzirani momwe mungayambitsirenso kukhulupirirana. 

Anthu ndi abwino mwachibadwa. Amangosankha kuchita zinthu zoipa chifukwa cha mphwayi, mphwayi, kudzikuza, kupanda chikondi, ndi kudziona ngati wopanda pake. Musakhale ndi maganizo akuti munthu wachinyengo nthawi zonse amakhala wachinyengo. Anthu akhoza kusintha. Akhoza kuvomereza kulakwa ndi kuyankha mlandu pa zimene anachita. Ngati banjali n’lofunika kupulumutsidwa ndipo mukufuna kukhalabe m’banja kwa iwo, funsani kuti mumvetse bwino ndipo lankhulani ndi dokotala wovomerezeka wa mmene mungayambitsirenso kukhulupirirana. 

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.