Ziribe kanthu momwe malamulo achikondi asinthira, pali mfundo zina zomwe zimakhala zosasunthika. Chinthu chachikulu pakati pa zimenezi ndi ubwenzi umene mumakhala nawo ndi amuna kapena akazi anzanu mukakhala m’banja. Kodi mungafikire pati poika ubale wanu ndi anzanu musanayesedwe kukhala mabwenzi osayenera? Ndi funso lomwe lasautsa maukwati kwa nthawi yayitali.
Tiyeni tikhale othandiza. Masiku ano, sikungakhale kotheka kuyembekezera kuti simudzakumana kapena kucheza ndi anyamata kapena atsikana. Kuntchito, kalabu, m'malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, komanso pa intaneti, mumalumikizana pafupipafupi ndi anthu ochokera m'maiko osawerengeka. Palibe cholakwika kukhala ndi mabwenzi a platonic mukakhala m'banja malinga ngati sakuphwanya malire ena omwe amasiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kukhala wosatetezeka.
Apa ndi pomwe zinthu zimavuta. Ubwenzi wanzeru mukakhala pabanja ukhoza kusokonekera mwachangu kukhala ubwenzi wosayenera, zomwe zimapangitsa chisokonezo muukwati. Ndiye nthawi imeneyo ndi chiyani kwenikweni? Kodi mumasiya liti kukhala mabwenzi ndikuyamba kukhala chinthu china? Kodi mumakana liti 'ayi' ndipo ndani amaletsa? Mafunso ndi mafunso ena! Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni kupeza mayankho pokambirana ndi mphunzitsi wa ubale ndi ubwenzi Shivanya Yogmayaa (wovomerezeka padziko lonse lapansi mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), yemwe ndi katswiri wa njira zosiyanasiyana zolangizira mabanja.
Kodi Ndi Chiyani Chimene Chimatengedwa Ngati Mabwenzi Osayenera Mukakhala Okwatirana?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mfundo yoyamba yovuta ndikumvetsetsa zomwe 'zosayenera'. Pachiyambi, maubwenzi omwe mumagawana ndi munthu omwe amaopseza ubale wanu woyamba - ukwati wanu - ndi maubwenzi osayenera. Zibwenzi zambiri zakunja kwa ukwati zimayamba ngati mabwenzi osalakwa. Kusintha kuchoka pa ubwenzi wosalakwa kupita ku chibwenzi chogonana nthawi zambiri kumakhala kofulumira kwambiri kotero kuti simungadziwe ngakhale mutadutsa malire omwe mwagwidwa ndi malingaliro ambiri.
Mavuto otere amayamba pamene m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo amaiwala zaulemu wokhala paubwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatiwa (inde, pali zikhalidwe!). Ndipo samalani, mabwenzi osayenera mukakhala m’banja samangotanthauza kugonana. Ngakhale simukuwabera mwakuthupi kapena m'malingaliro, mabwenzi osayenera angayambitse kupatukana kwakukulu paubwenzi wanu woyamba. Pali njira zambirimbiri zomwe mabwenzi amawonongera mabanja.
Ndipotu, kafukufuku wokhudza Ubwenzi ndi Chigololo akusonyeza kuti ubwenzi wa amuna ndi akazi ukakwatirana umaletsedwa kwambiri m'zikhalidwe zambiri chifukwa bwenzi la mwamuna kapena mkazi wosiyana nalo limaonedwa ngati choyambitsa chigololo m'banja. Chifukwa cha kusowa kwa chiyanjo cha anthu, udindo wa ubwenzi woterewu sunadziwikebe, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubwenzi wachikondi ukakwatirana ukhale wogwirizana, wamaganizo kapena wogonana.
Njira yokhayo yotchinjirizira zanu popanda kunyengerera pa maubwenzi a platonic mukakhala m'banja ndikuti musaiwale zomwe mumayika patsogolo. Khalidwe lodziŵika bwino la ukwati uliwonse ndilo kukhala lokha. Chikhulupiliro, chisamaliro, chikondi ndi chiyanjano chomwe mumagawana ndi wokondedwa wanu chiyenera kukhala chapamwamba kuposa zomwe mungagawane ndi ena. Kupanga ubale womwewo ndi wina kumatanthauza kusokoneza ubale wanu ndi mnzanu. Ndi pamene maubwenzi aamuna ndi aakazi okwatirana angabweretse mavuto m’paradaiso waukwati wanu ndipo anganenedwe kukhala osayenera.
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Kodi Malamulo Otsutsana ndi Amuna Kapena Akazi Ndi Otani?
Tsopano popeza tafotokoza bwino lomwe maubwenzi osayenera, mfundo yotsatira yoti tiganizire ndi yakuti 'koyenera' ndi chiyani? Shivanya akuti, "Ukwati uliwonse wa munthu mmodzi uli ndi malire enaake, ndipo malire amenewa angathandize kusiyanitsa pakati pa ubwenzi woyenera ndi wosayenera akakwatirana. Ndikofunikira kuti malire abwino muubwenzi asankhidwe ndi onse awiri poganizira momwe munthu aliyense amaonera moyo, makhalidwe ake, zomwe akumana nazo, ndi zina zotero.
"Ngakhale kuti njira yopezera malire a ukwati ndi abwenzi siingathe kufotokozedwa mwachidule, okwatirana onse akhoza kupanga zisankho zawozawo za zomwe ayenera kuchita ndi zomwe sangachite kuti atsimikizire kuti ubwenzi wawo sukhala chifukwa cha kusatetezeka kwa ubale wawo ndi nsanje kapena kuopseza tsogolo lawo limodzi mwanjira iliyonse." Monga tanenera kale, kukhala okhulupirika ku ukwati wanu ndi mnzanu sikutanthauza kuti mumapewa dziko lapansi ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.
Komabe, khalidwe lokhala paubwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatiwa kapena kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzako muli m’banja liyenera kutsatiridwa kuti musadutse malire amene mwagwirizana. Ndi malire owonda awa omwe muyenera kusamala nawo ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi banja labwino. Kodi mungapewe bwanji misampha ya mabwenzi osayenera? Potsatira malamulo ena a maubwenzi a platonic akakwatirana:
1. Osayandikira kwambiri kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu asangalale
Ngakhale kuti palibe vuto kukhala ndi ubwenzi wapamtima mukakwatirana kapena ngakhale kupanga maubwenzi atsopano, muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti ubale wanu ndi mnzanu susiya mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akukwiya. Ngakhale mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali bwenzi lanu lapamtima, mudzafuna anzanu ena m'moyo wanu ndipo ena mwa iwo akhoza kukhala osiyana amuna kapena akazi ndipo zimenezo zili bwino.
Komabe, ngati kuyandikana kwanu ndi mnzanu kumayamba kusokoneza ubale wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, ndi chizindikiro chofiira chomwe sichiyenera kunyalanyazidwa. Sikudzakhala kukokomeza kuchitcha chizindikiro choyamba cha mabwenzi osayenera pamene akwatirana. Shivanya anati: “Ngati mmodzi aona ubwenzi wa mnzakeyo kukhala wosayenera, kulankhulana momveka bwino n’kofunika kwambiri kuti kupewe kuwononga mgwirizano wa okwatiranawo.
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2. Osagawana nawo zinsinsi zambiri
Banja lililonse lili ndi zinsinsi zake. Ngakhale mutakhala ndi makhalidwe amene simungakwanitse, musawafoole kwa anzanu. Pewani kutsuka nsalu zauve pagulu kapena kugawana ndi anzanu zachinsinsi. Mungafunse kuti, “Ndikapanda kulankhula ndi anzanga, ndingalankhule ndi ndani? Zoonadi, koma sikofunikira kukhala ndi nthawi yozama 'yekha' ndi anzanu omwe si amuna kapena akazi anzanu muli pabanja ndikuwulula zinsinsi ZONSE.
Ndi makambirano akuya komanso ozama awa omwe angasinthe malingaliro, zomwe zingakupangitseni kudutsa malire osamveka bwino pakati pa ubwenzi ndi chinyengo chamaganizo . Ngakhale chinthu chooneka ngati chosafunika monga kutumizirana mameseji mosayenera ndi munthu wosiyana naye chibwenzi mukakwatirana - kutumizirana mameseji mwachinsinsi ndi mnzanu mutakhala pafupi ndi mnzanu kapena kugawana nkhani yokhudza zomwe zikuchitika muukwati wanu popanda chilolezo cha mnzanu, mwachitsanzo - kungakhale chizindikiro choyamba chakuti ubwenzi uli ndi kuthekera koopseza ukwati wanu.
3. Osawalola kulowa mkati mwa bwalo lanu
Ngakhale mutakambirana nkhani zachinsinsi, musamaike anzanu, makamaka ochokera kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, patsogolo pa ukwati wanu kapena banja lanu. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuika patsogolo zinthu zofunika kwambiri muukwati . Chifukwa chake ndi chakuti pamapeto pake muyenera kumenyana ndi mavuto anu ndipo ngakhale anzanu akuthandizeni bwanji, sangalamulire moyo wanu.
Ngati mukudabwa momwe mabwenzi amawonongera ukwati, ingoyesani kuwalowetsa m'moyo pamene mukukumana ndi mavuto. Mosazindikira, atha kukupangirani zisankho zomwe zingapangitse kusiyana pakati pa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, jambulani malire, amphamvu ndi omveka.
4. Adziwitseni anzanu kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu
Ngati simukufuna kukwiyitsa wokondedwa wanu koma sungani ubwenzi wanu ndi amuna kapena akazi anzanu, nachi chinthu chabwino kwambiri choti muchite: musamubisire mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Adziwitseni abwenzi anu kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mutangoyamba kumene chibwenzi chanu ndipo mulole kuti adziwe bwino momwe alili pamoyo wanu.
“Kuchita zinthu moonekera bwino ndi kumasuka kungakhale mfungulo ya kupangitsa mnzanuyo kumva kuwonedwa, kumvedwa ndi kumvetsetsedwa m’nthaŵi pamene ubwenzi wanu ndi munthu wina wachikazi umakhala gwero la kusasungika muunansi ndi kupangitsa mnzanuyo kumva kukhala wowopsa,” akulangiza motero Shivanya.
Ubwenzi wapamtima ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo ukhoza kukhala wovuta ngati ubwera modabwitsa kapena modabwitsa kwa mnzanuyo. Powadziwitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, mukuchepetsa kukayikira kulikonse. Chikumbumtima chanu chiyenera kukhala chomveka bwino kuti mulibe mabwenzi osayenera ndi aliyense.
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5. Pewani zinthu zimene zingakukopeni
Ngakhale mutakhala pabanja kwa zaka zambiri, palibe chitsimikizo chakuti simudzapeza wina wokongola . Kukopa kumeneku ndi chizindikiro choyamba cha kuthekera kwa malire a ukwati ndi abwenzi omwe akuphwanyidwa ndipo ndi chizindikiro choti muchite mosamala. Mayesero ndi ofala koma chofunika kwambiri ndi kusawagonja. Ndiye mumatani mukapeza mnzanu watsopano wokonda kwambiri chibwenzi? Ingothamangirani kumbali ina.
Perekani zifukwa zosakumana nawo kapena kukumana nawo akakhala okha. Pewani kutumizirana mameseji ndi amuna kapena akazi mukakhala pabanja - zomwe mumacheza nazo zimayala maziko a chibwenzi. Inde, kungafunike kudziletsa koma osalowa muubwenzi 'wopanda mlandu' - pa intaneti kapena pa intaneti. Pepani kuthyola kuwira koma sipadzakhala wosalakwa ngati mupitiriza ndi otentha kwa iwo.
Mmene Mungafotokozere Malire A Ukwati Ndi Anzanu
Ubwenzi wosayenerera pamene uli pabanja ungayambitse kusadzidalira ndi mavuto ambiri pakati pa okwatirana. Kafukufuku , wotchedwa Benefit or Burden? Attraction in Cross-sex Friendship , akufotokoza chifukwa chake zili choncho. Malinga ndi ofufuza omwe adatenga nawo mbali mu kafukufukuyu, ubwenzi wa anthu osiyana ndi wakale ndi chinthu chatsopano kwambiri kuchokera ku lingaliro la kusintha kwa zinthu. Amuna ndi akazi onse amakumana ndi chilakolako chachikondi kwa anzawo a amuna kapena akazi osiyana. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ubwenzi wa amuna ndi akazi ukakwatirana ungaoneke ngati woopsa kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi.
Popeza kuti kugwirizana kwachikondi sikungathetsedwe ngakhale muubwenzi wa platonic mukakhala okwatirana, kulongosola malire a ukwati ndi anzanu ndikuonetsetsa kuti inu kapena mnzanuyo simudutsa izi n'kofunika kuti mukhale ndi mgwirizano wokwanira kunja kwa ukwati popanda kuwalola kusokoneza ubwino wa ubale wanu ndi mnzanuyo.
Kuti muwonetsetse kuti simumaliza, mwachidziwitso kapena mosadziwa, kuchita mabwenzi osayenera, nazi njira zina zofotokozera malire anu abwino ndi anzanu:
1. Siyani miseche
Izi zimapita kwa abwenzi onse aamuna ndi aakazi. Nthaŵi zina anthu ozungulira m’kati mwanu amakonda kukumba miseche, makamaka ngati akukayikira kuti m’paradaiso wanu muli vuto linalake. Ngakhale mutakhala kuti mumakonda bwenzi, ngati amafufuza zambiri pamoyo wanu, siyani. "Ndikuyamika nkhawa zanu koma ndikafuna upangiri, ndibwera kwa inu pambuyo pake," iyi ndi njira yabwino yowonetsetsera kuti samangokhalira kusokoneza moyo wanu.
Mwanjira iyi simukukana thandizo lawo kapena nkhawa zawo koma kuwadziwitsa kuti mukuchita ndi moyo wanu m'njira yanu. Makhalidwe abwino akukhala paubwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatiwa kapena kukhalabe paubwenzi ndi munthu yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzako uli m’banja angakhale wosavuta monga kukhala kutali ndi munthu amene ali patali ndi kuwadziŵitsa kuti mbali zina za moyo wanu n’zachikale.
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2. Muzikhulupirira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu pankhani ya anzanu
Onetsetsani kuti mnzanuyo ali womasuka ndi anzanu, amuna ndi akazi. Sayenera kukhala pafupi kwambiri ndi aliyense wa iwo koma osakhala ndi mabwenzi apamtima achinsinsi. Dziwani zomwe zimawapangitsa kukhala omasuka pa mabwenzi anu komanso zomwe zimawadetsa nkhawa.
Nthawi zina, abwenzi amakhala ndi malingaliro ena okhudza anthu ena (titi, mnzako wochezeka kwambiri yemwe amatenga mbuzi ya mnzanu mosadziwika bwino) choncho musawachepetseretu. M'malo mwake, yesani ndikupeza ngati kuli koyenera mu kusapeza kwawo ndikuyimba foni ngati mukufuna kuchotsa anzanu otere pamoyo wanu.
“Ndi kofunika kuonanso zoyenera ndi zosayenera za malire a ukwati ndi mabwenzi ngati pakufunika kutero kuti vuto linalake lisalamulire unansiwo kapena kuyamba kuwononga kugwirizana kwanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu,” akutero Shivanya.
3. Khalani omasuka kumva zomwe okondedwa anu akukayikira
Izi zitha kukhala zovuta. Ubwenzi wa mwamuna ndi mkazi wokwatiwa ukhoza kuchitika m’njira zosiyanasiyana, choncho ngati pali mbali ina imene imakudetsani nkhawa, muyenera kuilankhula mozindikira. Mwina mnzanuyo akuona kuti anzanu ena amawononga moyo wanu ndipo amafuna kuti musiyane nawo.
Shivanaya akuti, “Musachite chilichonse chomwe chingachititse mnzanu kumva kuti mwanyalanyazidwa kapena kunyalanyazidwa. Palibe nthawi imene mnzanu sayenera kuyikidwa patsogolo kuposa mnzanu kapena zinthu zingaipire mofulumira.” M'malo mowadzudzula kuti ndi mnzanu wansanje kapena kunyalanyaza nkhawa zawo ngati mantha, mvetserani.
Ngati mnzanuyo akunena chinachake motsatira "Ndimakonda abwenzi anu koma pali chinachake chokhudza XYZ chomwe chimandidetsa nkhawa", onetsetsani ngati pali zifukwa zomveka zowadera nkhawa. Kwenikweni vomerezani nkhaŵa zawo, ngakhale mukuona kuti chimene amachilingalira kukhala mabwenzi osayenera chiri mabwenzi opanda liwongo, opanda vuto.
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4. Musaike banja lanu pachiswe pamene mukuthandiza mnzanu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi
Chisoni ndi chifundo ndi chabwino koma dziwani pamene mungayike malire musanalole kuti munthu yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu alowe m'moyo wanu. Kuloŵerera kwambiri m’mabvuto ndi njira za bwenzi la mwamuna kapena mkazi kungawononge ukwati wanu. malire a ukwati ndi mabwenzi
Shivanya anati: “Okwatirana ayenera kulemekeza malire a m’banja mwawo m’malo mongofuna kuwakankhira mwamacheza, kukopana, kapena kumenyana.” Ngati zimenezi zitanthauza kubweza mtunda pakati pa inuyo ndi mnzanu amene mnzanuyo sakumasuka naye, zikhale choncho,” akutero Shivanya.
5. Khalani ndi anzanu wamba
Khalani ndi malamulo okhudza ubwenzi m'banja mwanu ndi mabwenzi atatu - anu, ake, ndi omwe mumadziwana nawo. Pangani mabwenzi angapo omwe mungathe kucheza nawo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu nthawi zina ndipo mutha kupita nawo kukacheza ndi anthu awiri . Izi zingakuthandizeni kupeza malo pakati pa malo anu paubwenzi ndi zochita zomwe zimakuthandizani kuti mulimbikitse ubale wanu.
Izi zichepetsanso kudalira anzanu akale kapena kuntchito kapena kucheza kwanu. Banja lathanzi ndi lomwe simuyenera kuyang'ana kunja kuti mukwaniritse, monga tanena kale, yesani kukhala ndi ubwenzi wabwino m'banja lanu.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Kukwatiwa sikutanthauza kuti muyenera kusiya maubwenzi ena ofunika kwambiri pa moyo wanu, kuphatikizapo mabwenzi
- Komabe, mabwenzi osayenera mukakhala m’banja akhoza kusokoneza ubwenzi wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu
- Ubwenzi uliwonse umene umapangitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kudzimva kukhala wosatetezeka, wosamvedwa, wosawoneka, wonyalanyazidwa ukhoza kuonedwa ngati wosayenera.
- Kukhazikitsa malire a ukwati ndi anzanu pokambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndiyo njira yabwino yothetsera misampha imeneyi.
Ukwati ndi ntchito yolimbikiradi ndipo mwina n’zosatheka kusunga moto nthaŵi zonse. Koma n’chifukwa chakenso muyenera kuteteza banja lanu ku mabwenzi osayenera amene angayambike n’kusokoneza ubwenzi umene muyenera kuumanga.
Ibibazo
Musalole kuti anzanu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzanu azikukondani kwambiri. Osaulula zonse zokhudza banja lanu kapena moyo wanu kwa anzanu. Mukhoza kuthandiza anzanu pamlingo wakutiwakuti koma osati mwa kuika ukwati wanu pachiswe.
Ndibwino kuti maanja akhale ndi abwenzi osiyana koma onetsetsani kuti wokondedwa wanu akuwadziwa komanso kuti samakhala womasuka kukhala nawo. Musakhale ndi zibwenzi zachinsinsi zomwe mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amadana nazo.
Malo pang'ono m'banja lililonse ndi ofunikira ndipo maanja ayenera kukhala ndi nthawi yotalikirana ndi okwatirana. Koma ngakhale kukhala ndi abwenzi anuanu ndi kucheza nawo n’kofunika, siziyenera kusokoneza nthawi yanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.
Mabwenzi angawononge ukwati modziwa kapena mosadziŵa ngati satsatira malire kapena makhalidwe abwino a munthu amene ali paubwenzi. Ngati mulola munthu wina kutseka mpata wobwera chifukwa cha kusiyana kwapang’ono muubwenzi wanu woyamba, kungawononge mkhalidwewo.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
