Kodi Mungatani Ndi Mwamuna Wabodza?

“Mwamuna wanga ndi wabodza, amanama pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono ndi zazikulu. analemba Nancy (dzina lasinthidwa) kwa alangizi athu a maubwenzi. 

Mkhalidwe wa Nancy si wapadera. Mabodza a muubwenzi, makamaka a amuna, asinthidwa momvetsa chisoni ndi malingaliro monga "mabodza ndi njira yachinyengo ya mwamuna kuti akhale ndi banja losangalala". Ndipotu, malinga ndi kafukufuku , amuna amagwiritsa ntchito mabodza odzikonda kwambiri kuposa akazi. Kafukufuku wina amasonyezanso kuti amuna ndi omwe nthawi zambiri amanena mabodza oyera 'opanda vuto' kuposa akazi komanso mabodza akuluakulu.

Amuna ambiri amaona kuti kunama pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono n’kwabwino malinga ngati ali okhulupirika m’banja. Koma mabodza ndi mabodza, ndipo pang’ono ndi pang’ono akhoza kuwononga imodzi mwa mphatso zazikulu zimene anthu awiri angapereke kwa wina ndi mnzake – mphatso yokhulupirirana! Ndiye kodi munthu amatani ndi kusaona mtima m’banja? Tabwera kukuthandizani kuti mumvetse. Tiyeni tiyambe ndi kumvetsa chifukwa chimene mwamuna wanu amasungira zinsinsi poyamba. 

N'chifukwa Chiyani Amuna Amanama Pazinthu Zing'onozing'ono?

Kufotokoza chifukwa chake kunama kungakuthandizeni kumvetsa bwino zimene mungachite ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wabodza. Amuna amatha kunama zinthu zazing'ono pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana:

• Iye akhoza kubwera woyera amagona mu ubale kuti musunge malingaliro anu
• Angakhale akuyesera kubisa chinsinsi chonyansa
• Mabodzawo akhoza kukhala njira yopewera mikangano
• Atha kukhala akuyesera kusokoneza momwe mungachitire ndi zomwe akudziwa kuti mungakhale nazo vuto

“Simungachitire mwina kusiyapo kukhala mwamuna wabodza ngati mukufuna kusunga mtendere ndi kupewa mikangano.” Ndikamuuza mkazi wanga kuti ndinaiwala kutenga tchizi zonona amamwa, koma ndikanati sitoloyo yatha, mkhalidwewo sudzakula,” akutero Joseph Ruskin (dzina lasinthidwa). 

Kunama mu maubwenzi kwakhala kozolowereka kwa amuna

Amuna ambiri amanena kuti sanganene bodza kwambiri ngati akazi sangachite zinthu mopupuluma komanso mopanda mantha. Mu kafukufuku wathu wonse, chinthu chimodzi chomwe chinaonekera kwambiri chinali chakuti mwamuna amanama kuti apewe mikangano kapena kubisa zinthu zomwe akutsimikiza kuti zidzayambitsa mkwiyo kwa mkazi wake. Komabe, mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti, ngati mwamuna amanama ndi kubisa zinthu nthawi zambiri, ndi kuphwanya chidaliro muubwenzi . Komabe, malinga ndi maganizo a mwamuna, mabodza osavulaza amateteza ndikusunga ubale ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo. Chifukwa chake, akhoza kunena mabodza osavuta monga:

• “Ayi mwana wanga, sunanenepe ayi”
• "Sindinali kuyang'ana mwanapiye wotentha uja!"
• “Sindinasute ndudu”
• “Sindinaswe vase”
• “Ndi bwenzi chabe, ukungoganiza mopambanitsa”
• “Chakudya chimenecho chinali chabwino”

Kwa amuna, zingawoneke ngati mabodza awa ndi njira yosonyezera chikondi ndi chisamaliro muubwenzi. Komabe, chizolowezichi chingapitirire kulamulira ndikukula kukhala chimodzi mwa zizolowezi zoipa zomwe zimawononga maubwenzi . Pamapeto pake, chingapangitse ubalewo kukhala woopsa.

Mkazi amene amanama nthawi zonse amamva kuti akugwiriridwa komanso kunyengedwa. Angaganizenso kuti mwamuna wake samamuyamikira kuti ndi wanzeru zokwanira. Izi zingayambitse mkwiyo wozama kuti ugwire paubwenzi, pang'onopang'ono kupangitsa kuti awiriwa asiyane. Chotero, ukwati wabodza sukhalitsa m’kupita kwa nthaŵi. Koma ngati mkazi ali wosamala ndi watcheru, angazindikire zizindikiro za mwamuna wobisikayo nthawi isanathe.

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Zizindikiro 7 Zodziwika Za Mamuna Wabodza Kuti Muzisamala

“Mwamuna wanga ndi wabodza wokhazikika” kapena “Mwamuna wanga amangokhalira kundinamiza”. Ndithudi, palibe mkazi amene angafike pa mfundo imeneyi mopepuka. Izi zili choncho chifukwa mukakhala ndi mwamuna wanu, mumamudziwa bwino. Sikovuta kuzindikira zizindikiro za thupi la mwamuna wonyenga.

Mumadziwa momwe amachitira zinthu zikachitika, mutha kudziwa momwe amamvera ndi mawonekedwe ankhope yake/mawu ake, mwawona momwe amathanirana ndi zovuta. Kotero, ngati simungathe kugwedeza kumverera kuti mnzanuyo akuzemba komanso wachinyengo, ingakhale nthawi yoti muyambe kuyang'anitsitsa khalidwe lake / makhalidwe ake. Kunama kuli ndi kachitidwe kake, ndiye nazi zizindikiro zotsimikizika za mwamuna wabodza zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo:

1. Amafunsa mafunso anu

Kuti mudziwe ngati mwamuna wanu amanama ndi kubisa zinthu, samalani ndi mmene amayankhira pamene akuona kuti waikidwa m’malo. Mwamuna wonyenga amapewa kuyankha funso lachindunji. M'malo mwake, amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosiyanasiyana kuti apatutse mwamuna kapena mkazi wake pamutuwo ndikuyankha funsolo kwa iwo. Mwayi, inunso mudzagwa nazo. Chitsanzo chapamwamba:

Inu: Kodi mumamukonda?
Iye: Kodi ungaganize bwanji kuti ndingakopeke naye!

Izi zimamupatsa nthawi yoganizira ndikupeza bodza loyenera kuti akulakwireni, kupatulapo kuti wagwiritsa ntchito kale njira zodzitamandira kuti akupangitseni kukayikira zomwe mumachita. Ngati mukuona kuti mukuseweredwa, khalani olimba mtima ndipo mupempheni kuti ayankhe mwachindunji kuti “Inde” kapena “Ayi”. Ngati akutenga nthawi kuti ayankhe, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoti akubisa chinachake.

Njira ina yodziwira ngati mukuchita ndi wabodza muubwenzi ndikuyang'ana gaslighting. Ndipamene ugwira munthu wabodza ndipo amakuimba mlandu. Amayesa kukupangitsani kukayikira malingaliro anu ndikukupangitsani kuganiza kuti mukulakwitsa. Wowunikira gasi amagwiritsa ntchito mawu otsatirawa kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolakwa:

• “Ndi zosatheka!”
• “Bwanji sukundikhulupirira?”
• “Chifukwa chiyani kukhala wosatetezeka? "

2. Amagwiritsa ntchito zodzaza kuyankha pafupipafupi

Amuna onyenga amafunikira nthawi kuti abwere ndi bodza lomwe lidzamveka lodalirika komanso loona kwa akazi awo. Chifukwa chake, atha kutenga nthawi kuti ayankhe mafunso aliwonse omwe mungafunse. M'nkhaniyi, pali zizindikiro zina za mwamuna wabodza:

• Amagwiritsa ntchito zodzaza ngati "umm", "ah huh", ndi zina zambiri kuti agule nthawi yopanga bodza lodalirika.
• Amatenga kaye kaye nthawi yayitali / amapita kumtunda kuti apewe mutu womwe uli pafupi
• Amachita chibwibwi kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mawu mopambanitsa monga "mukudziwa", "ndikutanthauza"
• Mutha kuwonanso kusintha kwamawu ake, chifukwa cha nkhawa / mantha

Kuthana ndi bodza muubwenzi sikophweka. Yang'anani ngati akunjenjemera, akutuluka thukuta, akunjenjemera, kapena akuvutika maganizo. Yang'anani ngati mwamuna wanu akulankhula nanu mwalamulo kuposa momwe amachitira nthawi zonse. Ichi chingakhale chizindikiro chosonyeza kuti mwamuna wanu amasunga zinsinsi.

3. Zimatenga nthawi yayitali yoyankha, ngakhale mafunso osavuta

Ngakhale mafunso omwe angayankhidwe mosavuta mumphindi zochepa ndi "inde" kapena "ayi", mwamuna wonyenga wabodza angayang'ane njira yopulumukira kuti apewe mavuto. Chifukwa kunama kumafuna khama, mawu samveka bwino pamene wina akunena bodza. Ayenera kuyima kaye ndikuyang'ana mawu ogwirizana. Kuyima kosafunikira kapena kufunafuna njira zochedwetsera yankho kungakhale zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mukuchita ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wonyenga.

Zoyenera kuchita mwamuna wako akamakunamiza nthawi zonse? Samalani mmene amayankhira ngakhale mafunso osavuta. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mutamufunsa kuti, “Kodi munali ku gofu?”, ndipo m’malo moyankha mwamsanga kuti “inde” kapena “ayi”, amadzinamiza kuti wagwidwa ndi kuvula malaya ake ndi nsapato zake, kukonza zimene zili m’chipindacho asanayankhe, izi zingatanthauze kuti akufuna nthawi ndi kuganizira “yankho lolondola”. 

4. Kalankhulidwe kake kamasinthasintha

Mlangizi Pooja Priyamvada akuti, "Kulankhula thupi mobisa ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kunama mokakamiza. Mwamuna kapena mkazi wonama amapewa kuyang'anana maso, kuseka, kuseka, ndi kuyesa kupereka zifukwa. Milomo ya anthu imasanduka yoyera ndipo nkhope zawo zimakhala zoyera/zofiira akamanama. Ngakhale kuti amaoneka ngati ali omasuka, kulankhula thupi lawo kudzakhala ndi nkhani yosiyana yoti afotokoze."

Kodi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akunama pa nkhani ya ndalama? Kapena akubisa zinazake? Yankhani mafunso awa kuti muwone ngati mukukumana ndi munthu wabodza pachibwenzi:

• Kodi mukuwona kukayika pakulankhula kwa mnzanu? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi amaphethira mwachangu pomwe akuyesera kuti abwere ndi nkhani yodalirika yoti afotokozere zomwe adalemba? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi nthawi zambiri mumapeza wokondedwa wanu akupewa kuyang'ana maso pamene akulankhula nanu? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi mumawapeza osakhazikika kapena amanjenje akamalankhula nanu? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi amaluma milomo / thukuta / kuchita manyazi pang'ono? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi amagwiritsa ntchito mawu opeka ndi kumwetulira kwabodza komwe sikufika m'maso? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi amaima atapingasa manja/kukhala ndi miyendo yopingasa/kubisa manja m'matumba? Inde/Ayi
• Kodi amaphimba nkhope zawo, kusisita m'maso/mphuno nthawi zambiri kuti apewe mikangano? Inde/Ayi

Ngati mwayankha motsimikiza ku mafunso ambiri omwe ali pamwambawa, mwayi ndi wakuti muli ndi mwamuna wonyenga. Samalirani kwambiri matupi awo (monga mawu awo akugwedezeka mwadzidzidzi kapena kukhala okwera kwambiri) kuti muwone ngati mukunyengedwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda. Kuthana ndi bodza muubwenzi sikophweka koma njira yokhayo yothanirana ndi vutoli ndikuzindikira zenizeni ndipo chifukwa chake muyenera kuyang'anira zinthu zina. 

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5. Kusowa nthawi

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati wina akubisa chinachake? Pooja akuti, "Padzakhala nthawi yambiri yosawerengedwa mu ndondomeko yawo. Pofuna kupewa kufotokoza komwe anali panthawiyi, angakuchitireni zinthu kutali kapena kukupatsani mphatso zodula popanda chifukwa chilichonse."

Kuti mudziwe ngati maganizo anu okhudza zizindikiro za kusakhulupirika muubwenzi ali ndi phindu lililonse, dzifunseni kuti:

• Kodi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amakhala ndi nthawi yotanganidwa kwambiri popanda nthawi yocheza nanu?
• Kodi nthawi zambiri mumamva madandaulo a kuchuluka kwa ntchito?
• Kodi misonkhano yawo ya muofesi yakhala ikuchitika mpaka usiku?
• Kodi pali zochitika zina zadzidzidzi zomwe zikuzimiririka mosadziwika bwino?
• Kodi nthawi zonse amakhala ndi ntchito zoti azichita?

Mukawawona akugwira ntchito nthawi yowonjezera kapena akubwera kunyumba mochedwa pafupifupi usiku uliwonse chifukwa "amathandiza mnzawo pamavuto", ikhoza kukhala imodzi mwamabodza omwe amawanena. Ngati khalidweli ndi lachilendo kapena laposachedwa, ndiye kuti pali china chake chomwe chikuchitika. Mwachitsanzo, angakhale akunama kuti ali pachibwenzi.

6. Maonekedwe a mabodza ake akusintha

Bodza loipa kwambiri muubwenzi silikhala ndi zinthu zokhazikika. Popeza ndi nkhani yongopeka yochokera m'malingaliro a munthu wonama, imasintha nthawi iliyonse munthu akamafufuza za nkhaniyi. Kusasinthasintha kwa kukumbukira nkhani, ngakhale m'zinthu zazing'ono, ndi umboni wokwanira wakuti muli ndi mnzanu wonama.

Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwamuna wanu amanama nthawi zonse, m’pempheni kuti azikumbukira zimene zinachitika m’mbuyo m’malo moti azikumbukira nthawi yake. Akhoza kufotokoza zambiri mwatsatanetsatane. Mwachitsanzo, yambani kumapeto kwa nkhani ndi kuwafunsa kuti afotokoze zimene zinachitika mfundoyo isanafike. Ndiyeno, izo zisanachitike…ndi zina zotero. Izi zingamveke ngati mukuyesera kumufunsa mafunso koma zimakhala zofunikira ngati simungathe kusiya kumverera kuti mwanyengedwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda.

Ngati izi zikumveka zokhwima kwambiri kapena mukufuna kukhala wochenjera kwambiri povumbulutsa kusaona mtima kwa mwamuna wanu, njira yabwinoko ingakhale kumufunsa mwadzidzidzi funso lokhudza chochitika china chomwe anakuuzani masiku angapo apitawo. Akanakhala kuti akunama sakanadziwa komwe anganyamule mwadzidzidzi. Ngati sanama, akanatha kubwereza mawu ndi liwu popanda lingaliro. 

7. Alonda amaimba foni ndi moyo wake

Mwamuna akhoza kunama pazifukwa zingapo, koma mwatsoka kusakhulupirika ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe zili patsogolo pa mndandandawu. Ngati chifukwa cha mabodza ndi kubisa kwa mwamuna wanu ndi mkazi wina, mudzawona zizindikiro zina zosonyeza kuti mwamuna wanu ndi wachinyengo :

• Iye adzayamba achinsinsi-kuteteza zipangizo zake mwadzidzidzi
• Foni yake imakhala pansi nthawi zonse
• Amapita pakona kukatenga ma foni kapena samayankha mukakhala pafupi
• Amadzitchinjiriza ndipo mokwiya akuti, "Kodi mungayang'ane bwanji imelo yanga?" 
• Amakubisirani malemba ake
• Amanyamula zida zake mozungulira ngati nthambi, kuwopa kuti mungakumane ndi zomwe sakufuna kuti muchite

Zizindikiro izi kuti akubisa china chake pa foni yake siziyenera kuziwona mopepuka. Komanso, anthu amanama osati za zida zawo zokha, komanso malo ena. Mwachitsanzo, “Osamangowonekera kuntchito kwanga” kapena “Hei, ili ndi phanga langa la abambo/akazi musakhudze kalikonse apa ndikulemekeza zinsinsi zanga”.

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Kodi Mungalimbane Bwanji Ndi Mamuna Wabodza?

Mabodza - kaya okhudza zinthu zazing'ono monga kusuta ndudu kapena kusunga zinsinsi zazikulu monga chibwenzi chakunja kwa banja - alibe malo muubwenzi wabwino. Ngakhale bodza lake silikugwirizana ndi chinthu choipa monga chinyengo, komabe ndi chifukwa chodetsa nkhawa chifukwa limasonyeza kusalankhulana bwino muubwenzi.

Choncho, ngati mwamuna wanu amanama nthawi zonse, ndi nthawi yoti muganizire mozama zomwe mungachite kuti muthetse vutoli. Ino ndi nthawi yoti muchitepo kanthu ndikuyesa zinthu kuti muwonetsetse kuti asintha. Pachifukwa ichi, mukufunikira ndondomeko yolimba yokhazikitsa malire ndi mnzanu wabodza.

Dongosololi lingakhale ndi njira zosiyanasiyana. Chinthu choyamba ndicho kuwongolera kulankhulana nanu kuti azimasuka kukuululirani zakukhosi. Osachepera mungafune kumudziwitsa kuti mukudziwa kuti akunama ndipo mutha kuziwona. Kuti izi zitheke, nawa malangizo angapo amomwe mungakonzere banja pambuyo pa mabodza:

1. Unikaninso mabodza ake

Kuchita ndi amuna omwe amanama pa chilichonse kumayamba ndikuwunikanso mabodza omwe wakhala akukuuzani:

• Kodi amanama kuti adzipenta m'malo opatsa chiyembekezo?
• Ndi kupewa manyazi chifukwa sakudziwa momwe angachitire lankhulani ndi mnzanu za banja lake lomwe silikuyenda bwino?
• Kodi wakhala akunama kuti asafotokoze zambiri za ubale wake wakale?
• Kodi akuyesera kubisa zovuta zantchito ndi chuma chake ndi mabodza?
• Kodi akuyesera kusunga chibwenzi chinsinsi ndipo amanama nthawi zonse chifukwa akufuna kukhala ndi akazi onse m'moyo wake? 
• Kodi akunama mokakamizidwa - kutanthauza kuti, kunama ndi gawo la umunthu wake ndi moyo wake ndipo ndi wabodza? 

Ngati muunikanso bodza lake, mudzadziwa komwe likuchokera komanso kukula kwake. Kodi ndi bodza loyera lomwe amalankhula kapena ndi lowopsa kwambiri ndipo akufuna kukupusitsani? Kapena mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akunama zandalama? Kumvetsetsa kuchuluka kwa mabodza kudzakuthandizani kuzindikira sitepe yotsatira poika malire ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wabodza.

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2. Ganizirani mmene mungachitire akakuuzani zoona

Gawo lachiwiri ndi kuganizira momwe mungachitire ndi iye akamanena zoona. Mfundo yake ndi yosavuta - anthu amanama chifukwa sakufuna kuti azidzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu pa zomwe achita. Ndiye, ganizirani zochitika zokhudzana ndi mabodza a mwamuna wanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati wakhala akukunamizani kuti mukhale ndi nthawi ndi anzanu, onani momwe mungachitire akanakhala kuti akunena zoona. Kodi mungakwiye kapena kubwezera? Kapena mungayesere kumupatsa mpata muubwenzi womwe akuufuna?

Kapena ngati anaiwala kugula zinthu tsiku lina, kodi mungamukalipira ndi kutulutsa zinthu mopanda malire? Kapena kodi mungadzikumbutse kuti kusatuluka thukuta tinthu tating’onoting’ono kumalimbitsa ubwenzi ndi kuulola kuti uchepe? Ngati kuyankha kwanu pa kukhulupirika ndi choonadi chake sikuli kolimbikitsa, ndiye kuti inunso muli ndi mbali yoti mutengepo mbali m’chitsanzo chabodza chabodza chimene chagwira muubwenzi wanu. Choncho, ngati musiya kumukhulupirira, dziwani kuti nayenso akufunika kukhala ndi malo otetezeka komanso odalirika amene amaona kuti kuona mtima n’kofunika komanso kumulimbikitsa kuti azilankhula zoona.

3. Limbikitsani kuwongolera kulankhulana muubwenzi

Thanani ndi bodza loipa mwa kukonza njira yolankhulirana muubwenzi wanu kuti mnzanu azimasuka kukuuzani zakukhosi. Muuzeni kuti mwakhumudwa kuti sakukukhulupirirani ndipo akupitirizabe kunama kuti zinthu ziyende bwino muukwati. Landiraninso zofooka zanu za zochita zosaganizira bwino komanso zopanda nzeru.

Katswiri wa zamaganizo Nandita Rambhia akulangiza kuti, "M'malo mogwiritsa ntchito mawu oti mgwirizano, gwiritsani ntchito mawu monga kusintha ndi kuvomereza kopanda malire. Kodi timazolowerana bwanji? Kodi timaphunzira bwanji kuvomerezana? Mwanjira imeneyi, mumamva kuti muli ndi ulamuliro waukulu paubwenzi, mukuganizira za kudzilemekeza kwanu komanso zosowa zanu."

Ponena za kusintha (m'malo mwa mgwirizano wosavulaza ), Gottman Repair Checklist imatchula mawu angapo omwe angakuthandizeni kuchira ku zotsatira za kunama komanso milandu yabodza muubwenzi:

• “Ndikugwirizana ndi zina mwa zimene mukunena”
• “Tiyeni tipeze mfundo zimene timagwirizana”
• “Sindinaganizepo choncho”
• “Nkhawa zako ndi zotani?”
• "Tiyeni tivomereze kuti tiphatikizepo maganizo athu onse awiri payankho"

4. Kambani naye za kunama ndi kusaona mtima

"Ndikuganiza kuti mwamuna wanga amangokhalira kundinamiza pa zinthu zazing'ono. Kodi akundinamiza kapena ndikuopa kwambiri ?" Nkhawa ngati izi zimakuvutitsani kwambiri mukamaganizira momwe mungachitire ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wonama. Yankho losavuta komanso losavuta ndikulankhula naye za mabodza ake ndi chifukwa chake.

Ngati mupitiliza kunena kuti, "Mwamuna wanga ndi wabodza ndipo amandinyenga", kukumana naye ndi njira yamphamvu yosonyezera kukhumudwa kwanu. Lankhulani naye za mmene mukumvera chifukwa cha kusaona mtima kwake m’banja. Muyeneranso kusonkhanitsa umboni wokwanira wa chibwenzicho musanakhale pansi kuti mukambirane naye:

• Ikani mukazitape cam ngati mukuganiza kuti akugwiritsa ntchito nyumba yanu pamisonkhano yachinsinsi ndi wokondedwa wake
• Pezani mapulogalamu aukazitape abwino kuti mutengere foni/kompyuta yake ndikutsata zochita zake pafupifupi
• Yang'anani mabilu a hotelo ndi ndege mu maimelo ake, mameseji, ndi mawu a kirediti kadi

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Izi Ndi Zomwe Zimachitika Pakakhala Kusowa Kulankhulana Mu Ubwenzi

5. Gwirani ntchito limodzi ngati gulu

Sarah adalembera kalata ku Bonobology, akufunsa kuti, “Ndinakwatira munthu wabodza. Ananama poyamba chibwenzi koma ndinamukhululukira ndipo tinapita patsogolo. Tsopano, ndazindikira kuti akundinamizabe. Ndingamukhulupirire bwanji mwamuna wanga atanama?” Nandita akufotokoza kuti, “Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti onse awiri azilemekezana komanso azilemekezana. Ayenera kukhala achifundo ndikumvetsetsa kuti ngakhale kuti vuto ndi la m'modzi mwa iwo, onse awiri ali ndi cholinga chimodzi m'maganizo - kukonza ubale.”

Mwina, nthawi ina mukamugwira akunama, yesetsani kuti musamukalipire kapena kuyamba ndewu. M'malo mwake, lankhulani naye modekha ndipo muuzeni kuti mukudziwa kuti akukunamizani ndipo mukufuna kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake. Kusonyeza chifundo kungakuthandizeni kwambiri kugwetsa khoma la mabodza ndi chinyengo chomwe chikukuletsani kusiyana ndi mwamuna wanu, komanso kukuthandizani kupeza mfundo zomwe mungagwirizane zothetsera mikangano.

Pokumbukira kufunikira komvera ena chisoni, nayi mafunso ena oti muyambitsenso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi, malinga ndi Mndandanda wa Gottman Repair:

• "Kodi mungandipangire zinthu kukhala zotetezeka?"
• "Ndikufuna thandizo lanu pompano"
• “Izi ndi zofunika kwa ine. Chonde mverani”
• “Kodi tingapume kaye?”
• "Kodi tingakambirane zina kwa kanthawi?"

6. Pezani chithandizo chothana ndi mwamuna wabodza

Bodza limatha kukumangani inu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mu ulusi wapoizoni. Mabodza osalekeza a mwamuna wanu angakupangitseni kukuvutitsani, kuwononga thanzi lanu ndi kukupangitsani kuti mum’kalipira kapena kumukayikira mosalekeza ngakhale pamene akunena zoona. Zimenezi zingachititse kuti mwamuna wanu ayambe kukhulupirira bodza, n’kumukakamiza kuti azibisa zinthu zambiri komanso kusaona mtima kuti apewe mikangano m’banja.

Kaŵirikaŵiri, okwatirana amaloŵerera kwambiri m’njira yoipa imeneyi moti amaona kuti n’kosatheka kuisiya. Apa ndi pamene uphungu wabodza ungakhale wothandiza kwambiri. Mlangizi wodziwa za mabanja atha kukuthandizani kudziwa gwero la zovuta zanu ndikuphunzira momwe mungathanirane nazo bwino kuti zisakulepheretseni kumanga ubale wabwino.

Angakuthandizeninso kuthana ndi mavuto aliwonse omwe sanathetsedwe omwe angayambitse mabodza ndi kusakhulupirika kulowa muubwenzi wanu. Ngati mukufuna kufufuza njira yopezera chithandizo, alangizi a mabanja aluso komanso odziwa bwino ntchito omwe ali pagulu la Bonobology ali pano kuti akuthandizeni. Musadikire nthawi yayitali kuti muwone zinthu bwino kachiwiri.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Uphungu wa Ubale - Zonse Zomwe Muyenera Kudziwa

7. Lingalirani kupitiriza

Mukakhala muukwati ndipo pali zambiri zomwe zili pachiwopsezo, kuvala nkhope ya banja losangalala padziko lonse lapansi kungamveke ngati chisankho chabwino komanso chosavuta kuposa kuchoka. Komabe, ngati kunama kukugwirizana ndi nkhani zazikulu monga kusakhulupirika kapena ndi chizindikiro cha mwamuna wonyenga amene angachite chilichonse chomwe chingafunike kuti akusungeni pansi pa chala chake, kupirira khalidwe lake kungakhale ndi zotsatirapo zoyipa pa thanzi lanu la maganizo.

Kusiyapo pyenepi, pisapangiza kuti mamuna wanu nkhabe kukutsalakanani peno kukulemedzani. Khalani otsimikiza kuti mnzanu woteroyo alibe chilichonse chokupatsani. Zikatero, kutuluka kunja kungakhale njira yabwinoko kuposa kukhalabe ndi kumusiya kuti asokoneze umunthu wanu, kudzidalira kwanu, ndi kudzidalira kwanu. Ngati ngakhale mukuyesetsa kuti mukonze zinthu, mwamuna wanu amanama ndi kubisa zinthu, musadzimve kuti ndi wolakwa chifukwa chothetsa ukwati ndi kuyambanso.

Mabanja ambiri omwe akhudzidwa ndi bodza ndi chinyengo amavomereza kuti njira yoipayi ingaswe kapena kuswa maziko enieni a kudalirana. Njira yabwino yopulumutsira ukwati wanu ku mavutowa ndikugwira bodza pakapita nthawi ndikuliphwanya. Tagawana nanu njira zina zodalirika zothanirana ndi mwamuna wonama ndikupulumutsa ukwati wanu ku zotsatirapo zoyipa za chinsinsi ndi kusakhulupirika. Yesani izi moona mtima, koma ngati bodza ndi zinsinsi sizikutha, musazengereze kudziyika patsogolo pa manyazi a ukwati womwe mukukumana nawo.

Ibibazo

Kodi Mumafufuza Mwachinsinsi Mauthenga Afoni Anzanu?

Zizindikiro 7 za Zodiac Zokhala Ndi Kulawa Kokwera mtengo Omwe Amakonda Moyo Wapamwamba

Katswiri Akukuwuzani Momwe Mungakhalire ndi Moyo Wabwino Wogonana Mutatha Kukhala Makolo

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

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