Kodi muyenera kuchita chiyani mwamuna wanu akakunyozani? Samakuphatikizirani popanga zisankho zazikulu. Dziko lanu limazungulira iye, koma samasowa malingaliro / upangiri wanu mwa iye. Mwina simungazindikire koma ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za kusalemekezana muubwenzi. Izi ndi njira zing'onozing'ono zomwe ngakhale amuna owoneka ngati 'abwino' amapangitsira akazi awo kudzimva kukhala ochepa. Mchitidwe woterewu m'maubwenzi ungayambitse kufunikira kwakukulu kwa chivomerezo ndi kuyamikiridwa mwa mnzanuyo akunyozedwa, kusandulika kukhala wosakhutira kosatha.
Tsopano popeza mwadziwa za khalidwe lonyozeka muubwenzi, sitepe yotsatira ndikumvetsetsa zoyenera kuchita mwamuna wanu akakunyozani. Kudziwa yankho la izi ndikofunikira kwambiri ngati mukufuna banja lofanana, lomwe muli ndi chonena, ndikulemekezedwa ndi kulemekezedwa chifukwa cha munthu yemwe muli. Kotero popanda kuyimitsa kwina kulikonse, tiyeni tilowe mu izo.
Kodi Belittling Behaviour mu Maubwenzi Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kunyoza ndi mtundu wa mawu ndi kuzunza. Ndi mchitidwe wopangitsa anthu kudziona ngati otsika/osayenera/osayenera. M'mawu enieni, mawuwa amatha kugawidwa pawiri - 'khala' ndi 'wamng'ono'. Kwenikweni, zikutanthauza kuti mumawonetsedwa mobisa malo anu ndipo nthawi zonse amakhala achiwiri kwa iye.
A kuphunzira kwa nthawi yayitali m’mabanja 130 amene angokwatirana kumene anapeza kuti amuna amene amalola akazi awo kuwasonkhezera amakhala ndi mabanja osangalala ndipo satha kusudzulana. Kafukufukuyu, yemwe amapereka chidziwitso chakuya pakuchepetsa ma psychology ena, akuwonetsanso:
- 65% ya amuna amachulukitsa kusagwirizana pakukangana
- Amuna amakonda kugenda miyala, ndipo 85% ya omanga miyala anali amuna
- Ngati abambo savomereza chikoka cha mnzawo, pali mwayi 81% kuti banja lizingodzisokoneza.
Kaŵirikaŵiri mwamuna akamachititsa manyazi mkazi wake, sizimatengedwa mopepuka, makamaka poyamba, popeza sizimawonekera kukhala wankhanza mopambanitsa. Koma kunyozedwa kumatha kuyambitsa mikangano yayikulu pakati pa okwatirana. Akhoza kuzitcha izi 'zopanda vuto' koma apa pali zitsanzo za kunyozedwa muubwenzi zomwe zingakulepheretseni kumva kuti, "Mwamuna wanga amandigwetsa pansi", ndikuyambitsa kupwetekedwa mtima kwakukulu:
- kugwiritsa mawu a gaslight
- Kukuseka pagulu
- Kuchotsa mphamvu zako
- Kutengera ndemanga zonyoza (m'malo mwa ndewu zazikulu/kulalata/kukuwa)
- Mawu olimbikitsa
- Kukhala wosachirikiza zomwe mumachita kapena kunena
- Kukufananizani ndi amayi ake / akazi ena ozungulira inu
- Kukuwuzani kuti zolinga zanu zantchito sizingachitike ndipo mulibe mwa inu kuti mukwaniritse
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zotani Ngati Mukuganiza Kuti Mwamuna Wanu Amakudani?
N’chifukwa chiyani mwamuna amanyoza mkazi wake?
Andrea, wojambula wochokera ku New Jersey, wasweka kwathunthu, akupirira kutsutsa kosalekeza muubwenzi. Iye anati: “Mwamuna wanga amandichititsa kudziona kuti ndine munthu wachabechabe, chifukwa moyo wanga ndi wotopetsa kuposa wake, amandinena mwachipongwe kuti “wam’mwambamwamba.
Sikuti mwamuna wanga amangondidzudzula nthawi zonse komanso amandinyoza chifukwa cha zimene ndimakonda komanso amandidula polankhula ndi anthu ena. Sindikumvetsa chifukwa chake mwamuna wanga amandikhumudwitsa.
Zimene zinamuchitikira Andrea zikusonyeza kuti nayenso alidi kukhala ndi mwamuna wamwano kapena wina amene akuyesera kubisa kusatetezeka kwinakwake komwe kumakhala mkati mwake. Kungakhalenso chithunzithunzi cha chenicheni chakuti anavutitsidwa ali mwana, kusukulu, kapena kunyumba ndi banja lake. Tsopano akuwonetsa zowawa zomwezo kwa iye. Ndicho chimene kunyoza maganizo a ena kumayambira.
Ngati wakhala akunyozedwa moyo wake wonse, angayesetse chilichonse kuti asalole ena kuona mbali yake yodetsa nkhawa, ngakhale ngati izi zikutanthauza kusiya mnzakeyo amadziona kuti ndi wosafunika pachibwenzi. Kapena atha kukhala chotulukapo china cha utsogoleri, yemwe:
- Sangalole kuti mnzakeyo akhale ndi mphamvu muukwati
- Amawopsezedwa ndi kudziyimira pawokha kwa mnzake, kukhazikika kwachuma, komanso kuganiza momasuka
- Ayenera kutsimikizira kuti iye ndiye mnzake wamkulu, mwa njira zonse
Kuyitana mnyamata pa khalidwe lake loipa kungakhale nkhondo yokwera. Choncho, funso nlakuti: Kodi munganene chiyani kwa munthu amene amakunyozani? Choyamba, mvetsetsani kuti sizovomerezeka kapena chinachake chimene muyenera kungochinyalanyaza. Kenako chitanipo kanthu kuti muyimitse. Nazi njira zina zochitira zimenezo.
Zoyenera Kuchita Mwamuna Wanu Akakunyozani
Nthawi zina khalidwe lotayirira mu maubwenzi limatengedwa ngati nthabwala wamba. Poyambirira, mutha kuzichita ngati nthabwala ndikuseka. Akazi ambiri nthawi zambiri amavomereza zinthu monga “Mwamuna wanga amalankhula mawu apambali” kapena “Mwamuna wanga amandichititsa manyazi”, koma osachita zambiri pankhaniyi. Ndikofunikira kuti sungani ubale wanu mwachinsinsi koma chofunika kwambiri n’kuika malire oletsa khalidwe lonyozeka loterolo.
Ngati muyesa kunena mfundoyo ndipo nthawi zonse imakankhidwa pambali, kapena ngati mukudzudzulidwa kwambiri chifukwa chosamvetsetsa zomwe zikuchitika ndikubwera ndi yankho la 'osayankhula', musalakwitse, mnzanuyo akuwonetsa zizindikiro za khalidwe lokondana. Ndipo ngati kuchuluka kwa ndemanga zotere kumawonjezeka, ndiye kuti kukhala kumbuyo sikuli yankho. Muyenera kuchitapo kanthu kuti mutsimikizirenso malo anu muubwenzi. Izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita pokhudzana ndi khalidwe lonyozeka muubwenzi.
1. Osataya ndemanga zomwe amapereka
Mukudabwa, chochita mwamuna wanu akamakunyozani pagulu kapena ngakhale mwamseri? Langizo lofunika kwambiri lomwe tili nalo kwa inu ndikuti musalole kuti lizitha. Ndikhulupirireni, simuli munthu wamkulu pano polola ndemanga zowawa izi kuti ziwonongeke pamene mukukhumudwitsidwa ndi mwamuna wanu tsiku ndi tsiku.
M'malo mwake, mukuyika thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, kudzikonda, ndi kuchuluka kwa chidaliro chomwe chili pachiwopsezo. Zindikirani zitsanzo za kusalemekezana muubwenzi. Azimayi nthawi zambiri amaphunzitsidwa kunyalanyaza ndemanga zachipongwe ndi mawu achipongwe omwe amabwera m'njira yawo, koma ndi nthawi yoti asinthe.
Kodi munamvapo mawu oti "Timitengo ndi miyala zitha kuthyola mafupa anga koma mawu amasiya zipsera m'maganizo"? Inde, mawu amapweteka kwambiri kuposa zochita nthawi zina. Choncho mvetserani zimene mnzanuyo akunena komanso mmene amachitira ndi zimene mukunena. Nazi zitsanzo zazikulu za ndemanga zonyoza:
- “Mkazi wanga sadziwa kalikonse, ndinamuphunzitsa kuphika”
- “Nthawi zonse umalephera, n’chifukwa chiyani ukuyesa zatsopano?”
- “Chovalachi chingakhale chokongola kwa iwe, pokhapokha utakhala wochepa thupi”
Nthawi zambiri, mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu angaganize kuti akukuchitirani zabwino amateteza kwambiri kapena samakulolani kupanga zosankha. M'malo mwake, akudula mapiko anu chifukwa alibe chikhulupiriro mu luso lanu. Hero zovuta mu maubale zimachokera ku lingaliro lakuti muyenera 'kupulumutsidwa'. Zimawonekera m'mawu ake mwachinsinsi kapena pagulu, choncho muuzeni momwe mawuwa amavutitsa ndipo ayenera kusiya.
2. Osapirira nazo
Ngati pali chitsanzo cha mawu a mwamuna wanu, ndi nthawi yoti muchitepo kanthu. Nick Keomahayong, woyambitsa True Nature Counselling Center, CA, komanso wotsogolera njira ya YouTube, Real Talk ndi Nick, akufunsa funso losavuta mu imodzi mwa mavidiyo ake, “N’chifukwa chiyani mukupirira?
Ngati munayamba mwadzifunsapo kuti n’chifukwa chiyani munthu wina amakunyozani, ngakhale kuti mumachita chilichonse kuti mum’sangalatse, dziwani kuti: Ndi chifukwa chakuti mumawalola kutero. Nthaŵi zina m’malo modandaula kuti, “Mwamuna wanga amandipangitsa kudziona kukhala wopanda pake,” dziuzeni kuti, “Sindidzalola mwamuna wanga kapena wina aliyense kupeputsa zimene ndachita.”
Zinthu zosavuta, zamphamvu zomwe zimanenedwa pa nthawi yoyenera zimatha kuthetsa khalidwe losagwirizana muubwenzi. Ngati agwiritsa ntchito mawu achipongwe, mutha kukankhira-mmbuyo ndi kuyankha modekha, monga:
- “Sindimakonda kunenedwa chonchi”
- “Osandilankhula motere”
- “Mawu amenewo akuwoneka kuti alibe chikondi kwa ine”
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Mungatani Ndi Mnzanu Woyatsa Gasi?
3. Yesetsani kudzidalira
M'malo mowononga nthawi yanu yonse ndikudabwa kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wanga amandigwetsera pansi?", tulukani, muzisokoneza nokha, ndikuyamba kugwira ntchito pa kudzidalira kwanu m'malo mwake. Monga momwe mungamvetsere pofika pano, kudzikayikira / kudziona kuti ndinu wofunika ndiye chifukwa chachikulu chomwe munthu angapulumuke nacho. kunena zinthu zopweteka kwa inu.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuchita mantha ndi ntchito imene mwakhala mukugwira kwa nthawi yaitali, m’malo mokulimbikitsani, mwamuna wanu anganene kuti: “Mulibe zimene zimafunika kuti zimenezi zitheke. Mwachionekere ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za kunyozetsa muubwenzi. Kapena angakuuzeni zakale muubwenzi kuti azikunyozani ndi kukupangitsani kuti muipidwe kwambiri.
Izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita mwamuna wanu akakunyozani: Musamangirire kudzidalira kwanu ndi kutsimikiziridwa ndi iye. Kuthetsa khalidwe lonyozeka / lopanda thanzi nthawi zina limatha kuyamba ndi kukhala ndi msana, ngakhale zitakupangitsani kukhala osamasuka. Bweretsani mojo wanu ndi:
- Kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kuti mukonzenso kudzidalira kwanu
- Kulemba zolemba kuti mumve zambiri pamalingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu
- Yesetsani kudzilimbitsa nokha potengera machitidwe ngati kudzitsimikizira nokha
4. Kodi mungatani mwamuna wanu akakunyozani? Khalani ndi malire
“Mwamuna wanga amalankhula mawu achipongwe, kenako n’kunena kuti akungoseka. Mwina chifukwa wakhala akuchoka nazo. Ino ndi nthawi yoti musinthe ndipo kusinthako kumayamba ndikukhazikitsa malire mu ubale. Malire ndi ofunika kwa kukulitsa ulemu muubwenzi. Psychotherapist Keomahayong akulangizani kuti musiye kuyang'ana kwa mwamuna wanu kwa inu nokha. Iye anati: “M’malo modera nkhawa za khalidwe lawo, muziganizira kwambiri za inuyo.” Mukhoza kukhalabe pachibwenzi n’kukambirana ndi munthuyo kapena kukana n’kungomusiya.
Choncho, fotokozani bwino lomwe khalidwe lovomerezeka ndi lomwe siliri. Mwachitsanzo, kudzudzula kolimbikitsa n’kovomerezeka koma mawu achipongwe saloledwa. Izi ndi zomwe munganene kwa munthu amene amakunyozani:
- “Ndichitireni ulemu waukulu”
- “Izi sizoseketsa, mukundikhumudwitsa”
- “Iyo inali pansi pa lamba. Musapitenso kumeneko”
5. Dzipatuleni ku maganizo ake
Kodi mungatani mwamuna wanu akamakunyozani pagulu kapena mwamseri kapena zonse ziwiri? Njira imodzi yothetsera vutoli ndiyo kuphunzira kunyalanyaza zanu mwamuna wolamulira, wonyenga ndi kudzipatula ku maganizo ake. Pokhala wosatanganidwa, mukumuchotsera mphamvu zake kuti akunyozeni.
Ndizovuta, tikuvomereza, koma mukamvetsetsa psychology kumbuyo, mutha kuyesa izi. Pamene wina akunyoza mawu anu kapena kuyambitsa kusatetezeka kwina kulikonse, ndichifukwa chakuti amadzimva kuti alibe chiyanjano ndi iwo eni:
- Amafuna kudzikweza ndi kudzimva kukhala oyenera kuposa wina aliyense wowazungulira
- Chifukwa chomwe amachitira izi ndi chifukwa amamva zoipa / zazing'ono mkati
- Kuti abise zophophonya zawo, ayenera kukukhumudwitsani ndikukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu osatetezeka
Sandra, yemwe ali ndi zaka 35, yemwe amagwira ntchito panyumba, anati: “Poyamba, zinkandivuta kulimbana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga wondinyoza. kwa machiritso a banja.”
Kuwerenga Kofanana: 15 Zizindikiro Zakunyalanyazidwa M'malingaliro mu Ukwati
6. Khalani olamulira
Pamene wina abwereza zomwe mumanena kuti akunyozeni, kumbukirani kuti musamulole kuti akukokereni kudziko lake loipa. Khalani olamulira nkhaniyo ndipo ganizirani kuyankha modekha. Angakhale akufuna kukukwiyitsani, choncho yang'anani maganizo anu panthawiyo. Simuyenera kunyozetsa ndi kunyoza ena chifukwa chakuti amakuchitirani zimenezo. Nthawi zina, kuchitira chete ili ndi ubwino wake.
Mphungu Ridhi Golechha Iye anati: “Kuti musamachite zinthu mwanzeru, muziika patsogolo nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu, anzanu komanso achibale anu. Ndi chenjezo lakuti mwamuna wanu sangakonde mukakhala ndi mabwenzi, iye akuwonjezera kuti: “Kudzipatula kungakhale mtundu wa kuzunza maganizo ndipo n’kofunika kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi chichirikizo champhamvu m’moyo wanu.
7. Khalani bwino nokha
Zotulukapo za kunyozana paubwenzi zingakhale zovutitsa koma si vuto lanu. Mukakhala otanganidwa kuyesera kukhala bwino Baibulo wekha, inu kwenikweni sadzakhala ndi nthawi kukhudzidwa ndi khama mnzanuyo. Siyani kumuganizira ndikuyamba kudziganizira nokha:
- Khalani ndi zolinga zanu, khalani ndi masomphenya anu
- Inu simukusowa kwenikweni mwamuna wanu kuti akuuzeni inu ngati ndinu woyenera kapena ayi
- Simufunikanso kufananizidwa ndi aliyense amene mumamudziwa kapena simukumudziwa
Pamene kunyoza ndemanga ndi khalidwe kumakhala kosalekeza ndipo kosatheka kunyalanyazidwa, ganizirani motalika ngati kuli kotheka oyenera kukhala pachibwenzi. Ndikofunika kuika patsogolo kudzisamalira ndi kupeza chithandizo chomwe mukufunikira kuti muthetse zilonda zam'maganizo zomwe muli m'banjali. Ngati mukufufuza lingaliro lofuna thandizo la akatswiri, dziwani kuti alangizi aluso komanso odziwa zambiri Gulu la Bonobology zili pano chifukwa cha inu.
8. Vomerezani ululu ndipo kambiranani
Nthawi zina, kunamizira kuti kutukwanidwa/kunyozani sikukukhudzani kungakhale kopanda pake. Osadzinamiza kuti upewe ululu wa zonsezi. Ndikwabwino kuvomereza zowawa zomwe amakubweretserani. Malingana ngati mutsutsa mfundo yakuti mukuvutitsidwa ndi chithandizo choterocho, chidzakupangitsani kukhala odana nawo mosadziwa.
Nayi momwe mungachitire ndi munthu yemwe nthawi zonse ayenera kukhala wolondola:
- Uzani mwamuna wanu wofuna kuchita zinthu mosalakwitsa chilichonse kuti palibe amene ali wangwiro, kuphatikizapo iyeyo
- Journal, kusinkhasinkha ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti muwonjezere kudzikonda
- Sinthani nkhaniyo mukawona kuti zokambirana zikupita kunjira yolakwika
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zodziwika bwino za ndemanga zonyoza ndi zonyoza kapena zonyoza zomwe zimatchedwa 'nthabwala' koma siziri.
- Mwamuna akamachititsa manyazi mkazi wake, amamuchititsa kudziona kuti sangakwanitse
- Kuti mupirire, kambiranani zapamtima pa chithandizo cha maanja
- Zinthu zina zomwe mungachite ndikulimbana ndi kudziikira malire
Khalidwe lonyoza ndilofala kwambiri kuntchito pakati pa ogwira nawo ntchito kapena akuluakulu. Koma mu mgwirizano ndizovuta kwambiri kukambirana. Nthawi zina, izi zimakhala zovuta kwambiri moti mumalephera kuzindikira kuti mnzanuyo akukupangitsani kudziona kuti ndinu wosafunika. Kuposa kusowa chikondi, kungakhale chizindikiro cha kuyenera ndi malingaliro obisika a kupereŵera kumene kumasonkhezera nkhanza zamaganizo. Pali makiyi awiri ochitira izi - kudzikuza kapena kudzikuza. Pambuyo pake, chisankho ndi chanu.
Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu June 2023.
Zinthu 12 Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Mwamuna Sakondana Kapena Wachikondi
Zinthu 8 Zoyenera Kuchita Munthu Wakale Akakulumikizani Zaka Pambuyo pake
Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
