Zizindikiro 7 Kuti Muli Ndi Mkazi Wamwano Ndi Zinthu 6 Zomwe Mungachitire Pazo

Kukhala ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wamwano ndi chinthu chomwe anthu samakonda kunena. Mwina chifukwa chakuti, poyerekezera ndi chiwawa chakuthupi, nkhanza za mawu ndi zamaganizo zimakhala zobisika kwambiri ndipo zipsera zawo sizimawonekera kwenikweni. Koma ziwerengero zikuwonetsa kuti zimakonda kwambiri maubwenzi. Mu phunziro limodzi, 48.8% ya amuna a ku America (ndi 48.4% ya akazi) adanena za nkhanza zamaganizo ndi mabwenzi apamtima. Izi zinaphatikizapo zaukali monga kutchula mayina, ndi kulamulira mokakamiza monga njira zodzipatula kapena kuwopseza kuvulaza. 

Izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala 'zololezedwa,' kunyozedwa, kapena kutsutsidwa ngati 'zabwinobwino' pamakangano. Ndipo amuna makamaka amazengereza kuwauza, kapena ngakhale kuwazindikira momwe alili. Komabe, zowononga zomwe amabweretsa sizingachepetsedwe. Choncho, ndi bwino kuona zizindikiro mwamsanga ndikupeza kukonza.   

Tinalankhula ndi uphungu wa psychologist ndi therapist Neha Anand (MA, Counseling Psychology), woyambitsa-wotsogolera wa Bodhi Tree India ndi mlangizi wamkulu pa Bhimrao Ambedkar University Health Center, kuti aphunzire za zizindikiro za mkazi wamwano ndi malangizo kwa amuna ozunzidwa momwe angayankhire ndi kupirira.

Kodi N'chiyani Chimatchedwa Kunyoza Mawu?

Malinga ndi Neha, mawu achipongwe ndi mtundu wina wankhanza m'malingaliro pomwe wina amagwiritsa ntchito mawu ake kuti: 

• Demean
• Control
• Kapena kulamulira mnzawo 

“Nkhani zachipongwe zingakhale zodziŵika bwino (monga kukalimira, kutukwana, kutukwana, ndi kunyoza) kapena mochenjera (monga kuunikira mpweya, kugenda miyala, kupereka chithandizo chachete, kusakondana, kapena kutengera makhalidwe ena olamulira). Nthawi zina, imatha kukulungidwa ndi nthabwala zachinyengo. Mosiyana ndi nkhanza zakuthupi, sizimasiya mabala oonekera kapena mafupa othyoka, koma zimatha kukhala zowawa kwambiri ndi zowawa mofananamo.” N’chifukwa chake kumaonedwa ngati nkhanza zapakhomo. 

Ndipo n'chiyani chimayambitsa khalidwe limeneli? Iye anati: “Nthawi zambiri anthu ochitira nkhanza amadziona kuti ndi osafunika, zomwe zimawachititsa kunyozetsa kapena kunyozetsa anzawo chifukwa chofuna kuwalamulira.

Kuwerenga Kofanana:  Mndandanda wa Kuzunzidwa M'malingaliro - Zizindikiro 18 Zowononga

Zizindikiro 7 Kuti Muli Ndi Mkazi Wamwano

Nkhanza zapakamwa kapena zamalingaliro nthawi zambiri zimakhala zobisika kwambiri kotero kuti omwe akulandirayo amangokhalira kukangana kuti kaya ndi nkhanza kapena ayi. Si zachilendonso kwa iwo kudabwa ngati 'ndizoipa mokwanira' kapena 'zozama mokwanira' kuti atchulidwe kapena kuyankhidwa. Ndiye mungadziwe bwanji ngati mkazi wanu amakunyozani kapena kukunyozani? Poyamba, ganizirani momwe amakumverani. 

Kodi mumaopa kugawana naye chilichonse kapena kuyenda pazigoba za mazira momuzungulira? Kodi mumadzimvera chisoni kwambiri pamene muli naye? Kapena pewani kukumana ndi anzanu? Kodi ndi chifukwa choopa zimene anganene kwa inu mwamseri kapena pamaso pa anthu? Ngati yankho lanu ndi 'inde,' ndiye kuti ndibwino kuyang'ana mbendera zofiira izi: 

Kuti mudziwe zambiri zothandizidwa ndi akatswiri, chonde lembani ku athu Channel YouTube.

1. Mkazi wako amakupsopsona

Neha anati: “Mmodzi akakana mfundo n’kuposa mnzakeyo mwa kupeŵa udindo ndi kupotoza chowonadi, ndiye kuti ndi njira yamphamvu yopusitsa maganizo ndi mawu achipongwe.

M’mawu ena, mkazi wamwano akhoza kupotoza zenizeni zanu mwa kungokuuzani kuti chinachake si chowona. Nenani, mwabweretsa zopweteka zomwe mkazi wanu adanena kale ndipo iye:

• Amakana kwathunthu
• Kodi inu mukukhulupirira kuti inu munalingalira chinthu chonsecho 
• Amati ndiwe woyiwala / wokonda kwambiri / wofooka

Ndiye dziwani kuti ichi ndi chizindikiro cha gaslighting. A gaslight mkazi nthawi zambiri amalankhula ndi chidaliro ndi kutsimikiza kotero kuti wokondedwa wawo amatha kuwakhulupirira ndikukayikira zomwe zikuchitika.

2. Mkazi wotukwana angayambe kutukwana

N’zosavuta kunyalanyaza kutchula mayina achibwana kukhala chinthu chopanda vuto, chachibwana m’malo mongolankhula mawu achipongwe. Koma mawu ali ndi mphamvu yopweteka kwambiri, ndipo ngati ataya ulemu wanu kapena amakupangitsani kudzikayikira, ndiye kuti kaya akunenedwa bwanji, amakunyozani. Nazi zitsanzo:  

• Patrick anati: “Nthawi zonse ndakhala ndikuzindikira thupi langa. “Ndine wonenepa pang’ono ndipo ndimavutika kuti ndichepetseko makilogalamu enaake. Akanena zimenezi amaseka, koma akudziwa kuti zimandikhumudwitsa”
• Baker anati: “Ndimalandira ndalama zochepa poyerekezera ndi zimene mkazi wanga amapeza ndipo nthawi zonse amangosonyeza kuti amasangalala nazo. “Nthawi zonse mukakangana, amanditcha freeloader kapena underling” 

Neha anati: “Mmodzi akalankhula mawu opweteka, odzutsa maganizo, mobisa kapena mobisa, ndipo ngati zimenezi zichitika nthawi zonse, zimachititsa kuti pakhale ubwenzi woopsa ndipo ndi chitsanzo chabwino cha mawu achipongwe,” anatero Neha.

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3. Amakuchitirani manyazi ndikukuimbani mlandu

Grant anati: “Mkazi wanga wakale anandichititsa kukhulupirira kuti iyeyo ndiye wachitiridwa nkhanza, osati ine. "Chilichonse chomwe sichinayende bwino - kuyambira nsapato yovunda mpaka tsiku loipa kuntchito - amanditulutsa ndikundipangitsa kumva kuti ndi vuto langa. Inali njira yake yondipangitsa kudzimva kuti ndine wamng'ono nthawi zonse."

“Anthu otukwana amakonda kutero kusintha kwa mlandu ndikuyika udindo pa chilichonse chomwe sichikuyenda bwino muubwenzi (kapena m'miyoyo yawo) pamapewa a wokondedwa wawo. Cholinga chake n’chakuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo azidziona kuti ndi wolakwa ndipo amamutsekera m’chizoloŵezi chodzikayikira komanso chodzikhumudwitsa,” akufotokoza motero Neha.

Zimakhala zovuta kukulunga mutu wanu podziwa kuti mukuzunzidwa kapena kunyozedwa ngati mwagwidwa ndi manyazi. Kapena ngati mumapangidwa nthawi zonse kuganiza kuti chilichonse ndi vuto lanu. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuyimirira. Ndilo vuto lonse la kudzudzula ndi kuchita manyazi. Amapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wankhanza azitha kulamulira mnzawoyo.

4. Mukalandira ziopsezo kuchokera kwa iye, ndi chizindikiro kuti muli ndi mkazi wamwano 

Ngati suchita izi, ndikusiya! Kodi mizere iyi ikumveka ngati yodziwika bwino? Kodi mkazi wanu nthawi zambiri amakuopsezani kuti mugonjetse? Ndiye mwayi uli ndi mkazi wamwano.

Kupereka ziwopsezo kapena zomaliza mu ubale ikhoza kukhala yotsika, ngakhale itakhala yotentha kwambiri. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa nthawi zonse pamakhala chidziwitso chachiwawa pachiwopsezo, ngakhale palibe chiwopsezo chakuthupi. Ndicho chimene chimapangitsa kukhala njira yobisika kusiya zipsera pa psyche yanu.

5. Amakuweruza ndi kukudzudzula kwambiri

Paula anati: “Mkazi wanga ankangondiuza kuti sinditha kuvala, nthabwala komanso ndinkasankha molakwika anzanga. “Zinafika nthawi imene ndinayamba kukayikira ngati ankakonda chilichonse chokhudza ine, kapena ankangofuna kuti wina azindidzudzula. chikondi-chidani ubale. "

Kuweruza muubwenzi ndi chinthu chimodzi, koma kukhala woweruza mosalekeza ndi wodzudzula popanda chifukwa chenicheni ndi china. Popeza ozunza anzawo kaŵirikaŵiri amadziona kuti ndi osafunika, kuswa anthu ena ndiko mmene amadzikondera okha. Ponena za ozunzidwawo, kudzudzulidwa kosalekeza ndi munthu amene akuyenera kukhala ndi nsana wawo ndi kuwathandiza ndi piritsi lowawa kwambiri. Ngati mukukhala ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna amene amakunyozani, n’kutheka kuti mumakakamizika kutero nthawi zambiri.

6. Mkazi wanu wankhanza amanyalanyaza malingaliro anu

Neha anati: “Mmodzi akamanyalanyaza maganizo, maganizo, ndi zenizeni za mnzake, ndi njira yosalunjika yowauza kuti chilichonse chimene akumva kapena kuganiza n’cholakwika kapena chilibe kanthu.

Dziwani kuti mkazi wanu akukuchotserani ufulu wanu womva momwe mukumvera ngati nthawi zonse amakuuzani zinthu monga: 

• "Ndinu omvera kwambiri / otsutsa" 
• "Sindikuganiza kuti izi ndizovuta ngati mukuganizira"
• "Mukuchita zambiri pa izi"
• "Kodi sungathe kumasuka ndikuchita nthabwala?" 
• "Mukudziwa kuti muli ndi chizolowezi chokokomeza / kuwomba zinthu mopanda malire"

Pogwiritsa ntchito mawu ngati awa, akuwonetsetsanso kuti simukhala pamalo omwe mungaimirire zomwe mukumva. Kuponderezedwa m'njira zake zonse ndi nkhani yokhala kulamulira wokondedwa mu chiyanjano. Kuchotsa kapena kuchotsera malingaliro a mnzanu ndi momwe wonyoza amatsimikizira kuti akupitirizabe kukhala pachibwenzi.

7. Amakunyozerani inu ndi zomwe mwakwaniritsa

"Pamene mnzako amanyalanyaza kufunikira kwa zisankho za mnzawo, malingaliro ake, kapena zisankho zake, zimapangitsa kuti pakhale malo oopsa omwe posatengera zomwe mukufuna kapena kukwaniritsa, mnzanuyo amasokoneza," akufotokoza Neha.

Kuchepetsa kungayambe pang'ono. Mwina mumayesa njira yatsopano ndikukonda momwe zidakhalira. Koma amakwinya tsinya n’kunena kuti, “Ndikanakonda simukadayesako chakudya.” Kapena “Ndikuganiza kuti tingofunika kuyitanitsa.” Ndipo imatha kukula kuchokera pamenepo. Tinene kuti mwakwezedwa kumene kuntchito ndipo mwakhumudwa. Koma ukamuuza zimenezi, amaoneka kuti sakusangalala kwambiri. Kapena akuti, “Izi zikanayenera kuchitika zaka ziwiri zapitazo.”

Ngakhale kuti kukalipira ndi kutchula mayina ndi njira zachipongwe zachindunji, kudula mnzako mobisa mosasamala kanthu za zomwe anganene kapena kuchita kungakhale kovulaza chimodzimodzi. Paokha, mawuwo sangaoneke ngati opweteka. Komabe, uthenga wawo wofunikira - woti sindinu ochita bwino ndipo simudzakhalanso - momveka bwino. Ndipo lapangidwa kuti likupangitseni kudzimva kukhala wocheperapo kuposa momwe mulili.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zizindikiro 23 Zosavomerezeka M'malingaliro mu Ubale

Zinthu 6 Zomwe Mungachite Ngati Muli ndi Mkazi Wamwano

Studies zawonetsa kuti nkhanza zapakamwa kapena zamalingaliro zimachulukirachulukira mukakhala pachibwenzi. Mofanana ndi nkhanza zina zilizonse, zikhoza kuwononga kwambiri maganizo anu. Neha anati: “Kulankhula mawu achipongwe kumafooketsa maganizo ndipo kumawononga moyo wanu.

Poyamba, kungakhale kovuta kuvomereza nkhanzayo chifukwa chakuti ingaphatikizidwe ndi nthaŵi ya bata ndi chikondi. Komabe, ngati mukuganiza kuti mukuchitiridwa nkhanza kapena mutha kuwona zambiri mwazizindikiro, khulupirirani matumbo anu ndikuganizira njira zotsatirazi. Nawa maupangiri amomwe mungayankhire kwa mkazi wamwano:

1. Pangani kudzidalira kwanu

Pamene anthu omwe timatsamira nawo ndikugawana nawo zofooka zathu aganiza kutisokoneza, zimakhala zovuta kuti titenge. Zitha kutenganso nthawi yayitali kuti muchiritse. Ndiye mungatani ngati munthu wina akukuvutitsani ndi mawu ake? Yesetsani kudzilimbitsa nokha. Dzikumbutseni nthawi zonse kuti mawu awo sali amphamvu kuposa momwe inu muliri.

Pamapeto pa tsiku, moyo wanu ndi wanu, ndipo kutsimikizika kwamphamvu kwa inu nokha kuyenera kuchokera mkati. "Nthawi zonse dzikumbutseni kuti muli ndi ufulu wovomerezeka wochitiridwa bwino ulemu mu chiyanjano. Osataya mtima!” akuti Neha. 

2. Khalani wolimba mtima ndi mkazi wanu wankhanza

Ndiye mumamuyankha bwanji mkazi wamwano? Nawa maupangiri: 

• Dziyimireni nokha, koma musamenyane ndi nkhanza ndi nkhanza 
• Nthawi zina, kungoima chete ndi chidaliro ndi ulemu ndikokwanira
• "Kukhala wotsimikiza kumatanthauzanso kukana kutenga nawo mbali pamikangano yopanda phindu, zomwe ndi zomwe anthu ambiri onyoza amalowera," akutero Neha.

“Khalani otsimikiza muzochita zanu, imirirani, ndipo fotokozani kuti simukhala mbali ya gulu kusamvana kwa ubale. Kapena, osachitapo kanthu akabwera kwa inu,” akuwonjezera.

Mukangoyamba kukana kuti mawu a mkazi wanu akhale olemetsa, mphamvu imene ali nayo pa moyo wanu idzachepa. Mudzayambanso kumuwona momwe alili - Winawake wodzikayikira, yemwe akufunika thandizo. Ndipo wina amene sangathenso kukulamulirani.

3. Lankhulani ndi kuika malire

Kulimbana ndi mkazi wotukwana kungakhale kovuta. Ndipo zingakhale zovuta kumufotokozera zimene mukukumana nazo. Koma musachite manyazi nazo. "Nthawi zonse zimakhala zopindulitsa kufotokoza zakukhosi kwako kwa omwe akukuzunzani. Kambiranani nawo ndikufotokozera momwe zimakhalira akakuchitirani nkhanza," akutero Neha. 

Akamagwiritsa ntchito mawu ake kukukhumudwitsani kapena kukulamulirani, mudziwitse:

• “Mumandipweteka, ndipo sindiyenera kutero” 
• “Chonde usandilankhule choncho, zimandipangitsa kudziona ngati wamng’ono” 

Ndipo ngati nkhanzazo zikupitirira, yesani kuika malire ponena kuti:

• “Sindingathe kupitiriza kucheza ngati mupitiriza kunditchula mayina achipongwe”
• "Sindikhala ndi zokambiranazi mpaka utasiya kundilalatira/kunditukwana"  

Mukayika malire, onetsetsani kuti mumawatsatira ndikutsatira zotsatira zake nthawi iliyonse akaphwanyidwa.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zinthu 9 Zoyenera Kuchita Nkhani Iliyonse Ikasanduka Mkangano

4. Yesetsani kudzisamalira kuti mupirire ndi mnzanu wamwano

Kudzisamalira ndi kudzikonda ndizofunika mosasamala kanthu za ubale wanu. Koma ndizofunikira kwambiri mukakhala ndi chibwenzi chochitira nkhanza, ndipo ngakhale mwaganiza zosiya. Ngakhale zingawoneke zovuta kapena zopanda pake, ikani chidwi chanu pa inu nokha ndi zinthu zomwe zimakusangalatsani. Kumbukirani, inu nokha muli ndi zida zopangira inu osangalala. Yambani pang'ono. Ganizirani ntchito imodzi yosavuta yomwe mungathe kuchita tsiku lililonse ndikumanga kuchokera pamenepo. 

Ian anati: “Ndimakonda kukwera maulendo ndi kukadzipereka kumalo osungira ziweto. “Mkazi wanga nthaŵi zonse ankanena kuti kudzipereka kwanga sikunapindule kwenikweni ndi ziweto, ndipo kukwera mapiri sikunali ‘kochita zinthu zenizeni’ choncho kunali kopanda phindu.” Titangopatukana, ndinafunika kuganizira kwambiri za kubwerera ku zinthu zimene zinkandisangalatsa.

5. Pezani chithandizo

Kulimbana ndi mkazi wotukwana si chinthu chimene muyenera kuchita nokha. Dziwani kuti ndi bwino kufikira okondedwa anu kuti akuthandizeni kapena kuwongolera. "Osabisira achibale ako ndi abwenzi kuti akuzunzidwa, khazikitsani njira yolimbikitsira komanso anthu ammudzi momwe mungathere," akutero Neha. “Imbani foni pagulu lothandizira lomwe likulimbana ndi nkhanza ngati mukuganiza kuti simungafune thandizo la maso ndi maso pakadali pano,” akuwonjezera. Nawa omwe mungafikireko:

• Nkhanza Zam'mudzi Zachiwawa (pochitira nkhanza anzawo): Imbani 1-800-799-7233 kapena 1-800-787-3224, kapena gwiritsani ntchito LiveChat
• loveisrespect.org (zolimbikitsa achinyamata): Imbani 1-866-331-9474, lembani LOVEIS ku 22522, kapena gwiritsani ntchito macheza 24/7
• Mutha kupempha thandizo pa intaneti kapena gulu la Bonobology la alangizi

Zikafika pa nkhanza, mukavomereza msanga, kulimbana nazo, ndikuzithetsa, zimakhala bwino. Izi sizikhala zophweka ndipo zambiri zidzadalira momwe mulili. Ngati mwaganiza zokonza chibwenzicho, mutha kuyesa uphungu wa munthu payekha kapena awiri. Koma phatikizani dongosolo lachitetezo ndi munthu yemwe mumamukhulupirira kuti muthe kuchoka pachibwenzi, ngati pangafunike. 

Ngati mwaganiza zothetsa chibwenzicho, kupeza malangizo azamalamulo ndikofunikira. Mayiko ambiri ali ndi malamulo okhwima okhudza nkhanza, koma anthu amene amalankhula mwachipongwe kapena m'maganizo amakhala osamveka bwino. Shonee Kapoor, wopereka chiwongo, chisudzulo, ndi mlangizi wopatukana yemwe ali ndi luso la kugwiritsira ntchito molakwa malamulo a ukwati.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Maanja 6 Amomwe Chithandizo Cholankhulira chinathandizira Ubale Wawo

6. Tengani chisankho cholimba kuti mupitirize

Neha anati: “Ngati palibe chimene chikuyenda bwino, ndi bwino kusiya kucheza ndi anthu ankhanza. Amalimbikitsa kukhala odekha monga momwe kungathekere, osagonjera ku mantha opanda maziko, ndi kudalira mabwenzi, banja, ndi dera lanu.

Kupita patsogolo sikungochoka panyumba. Kubwera kudziko lapansi ndikumanganso moyo wanu kudzawoneka ngati chiyembekezo chowopsa. Ndipo kupitirizabe ndi chibwenzi kungaoneke ngati kwabwino kusiyana ndi kungongocheza nokha. Padzakhala masiku omwe mudzamva kuti mwagwidwa ndi zakale ndikukumbukiranso zochitika zoyipa kwambiri za ubale wanu. Padzakhala nthawi pamene flashbacks wa zinthu zonse zankhanza iye ananena za inu adzaundana inu m'mabande anu ndi kukhala kovuta kupita patsogolo. 

Koma musayime. Tengani sitepe imodzi yaing'ono, tsiku limodzi panthawi, ndikupeza mtunda womwe mukufunikira kuti mukhale otetezeka komanso kuti muchiritse. Inu muli nacho ichi.

Kuchita ndi mkazi wamwano sikophweka. Vomerezani kuti muli m’banja lachipongwe, ndiyeno, pang’onopang’ono ndi modekha lingalirani mmene mungachitire. Onetsetsani kuti muli ndi chithandizo champhamvu chotsamira ndikudzikumbutsa kuti simuli nokha. Kumbukirani, chifukwa mikwingwirima yanu sikuwoneka, sizitanthauza kuti si zenizeni. Muli ndi ufulu wonse wochiritsa ndikupanga maubwenzi osangalatsa.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Ogasiti 2023.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.