21 Mafunso Omwe Amathandizira Akatswiri Kwa Maanja

N’chifukwa chiyani kugwirizana n’kofunika muubwenzi, ndipo kuwonjezera apo, n’chifukwa chiyani mumadzivutitsa kufunsa mafunso okhudza kugwirizana kwa okwatirana? Diane wochokera ku BoJack Horseman akuti, “Mukudziwa, nthawi zina, ndimamva ngati ukwati wathu uli ngati chithunzi cha maso chamatsenga.” Bambo Peanutbutter anafuula kuti, “Ndimakonda zinthu zimenezo!” Diane anayankha kuti, “Ndikudziwa. Ndipo n’zovuta. Ndipo poyamba, sizikuwoneka zomveka. Ndipo zimakhala zovuta kuzimvetsa. Koma nthawi zina, ngati mukuziyang’ana bwino, chilichonse chimayenda bwino ndipo ndi chinthu changwiro, chokongola, komanso chodabwitsa.” Kenako anati, akubisa nkhope yake m’manja mwake ndikuyamba kulira, “Koma ndatopa kwambiri ndi kung’ung’udza.”

Kuti ndikuthandizeni kupewa kumangoyang'ana mozama, ndalemba mndandanda wa mafunso 21 okhudzana ndi kuyanjana omwe amafufuza mozama mbali zosiyanasiyana za ubale wanu. Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., MBA, PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, tiyeni tidziwe ngati mwakumana ndi mnzanu amene mwamukonda, kapena kuyanjana kwanu sikukugwirizana kwenikweni. Kaya muli ndi chibwenzi, mukukonzekera kumanga ukwati, kapena mwakhala limodzi kwa zaka zoposa 50, mafunso awiriwa angakuthandizeni kulumikizana mozama. Choncho pumulani, imwani kapu ya khofi, itanani mnzanu kuti agwirizane nanu, ndipo konzekerani kufufuza kuyanjana kwanu ndi ubale wanu.

Kodi Mumadziwa Bwanji Kugwirizana mu Maubwenzi?

Kudziwa kugwirizana muubwenzi kuli ngati kupanga jigsaw yayikulu. Inu ndi mnzanu ndinu zidutswa za puzzle, ndipo ngati mukufuna kudziwa ngati mukugwirizana, muyenera kufufuza mbali zosiyanasiyana za miyoyo yanu limodzi. Nkhaniyi ndi yokhudza kupeza ngati mfundo zanu, njira zolankhulirana, zolinga zanu, ndi zokonda zanu zimagwirizana bwino, kapena ngati zikutsutsana ngati zidutswa za jigsaw zosagwirizana.

Mafunso okhudzana ndi zachikondi kwa maanja amakuthandizani kuti muzitha kukambirana. Kuyang'ana maso ndi maso ndikwabwino chifukwa kumakupatsani mwayi wowona zobisika ndikuzindikira chowonadi kumbuyo kwa mayankho a mnzanuyo. Komabe, ngati mumamasuka kuyankhula pa foni kapena kudzera m'malemba, ndi bwinonso. Chofunika ndi: kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima.

Aman akuti, "Ndikuganiza kuti mafunso awa oyesa ubale wanu amachotsa cholakwikacho posankha munthu amene mudzakhala naye kwa zaka pafupifupi 6 kapena 7. Ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yochepetsera chiopsezo, ndinganene. Mafunso ogwirizana awa pa chibwenzi amakuthandizani kupewa zolakwa zomwe nthawi zambiri zimachitika posankha mwamuna kapena mkazi kapena mnzanu wa nthawi yayitali."

Kodi Mukuyenerana? Mafunso 21 Othandizira Katswiri Kwa Maanja Kuti Adziwe Izi

Mukuganiza kuti ndinu woyenerana ndi mnyamata amene munakumana naye milungu iwiri yapitayo pa Hinge. "Amapezeka mosavuta" (ndikutanthauza, mbiri yake ikunena choncho), ndipo mukusangalala ndi chithunzi chake cha chibwenzi ndi Max, mtsikana wake wa labrador. Kapena, mukutsimikiza kuti mnzanu waku koleji ndi inu ndinu ofanana bwino chifukwa nonse mumakonda kutafuna chingamu ndi mabuku achinsinsi omwe ali ndi chilakolako chofanana. Kodi mukufuna china chiyani, eti?

Mumamva mkazi wanu ndipo simufunika mafunso oseketsa ngakhale kwa maanja chifukwa iye amachapa, inu kuchapa mbale. Iye amakonda ayezi skating pa madeti pamene inu muli zambiri za bedi mbatata Loweruka ndi Lamlungu kotero inu nonse kukumana penapake pakati ndi kupita kwa…a sitiroberi kutola deti. Ndipo zonse zimayenda bwino, sichoncho? Kulondola? Ngati mukuseka pakali pano, kapena ngati muli ndi nkhawa pang'ono, mwina mukumvetsa kufunika kwa mafunsowa pofika pano. Chifukwa chake popanda kuchedwa, tiyeni tilowemo!

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1. Kodi mumaona ngati chinyengo muubwenzi ngati wathu ndi chiyani, ndipo mukuganiza kuti chingakhululukidwe kapena ubale wathu utha pambuyo pake?

Aman anati: “Kubera kuyenera kufotokozedwa momveka bwino m’chibwenzi.

Taganizirani izi: Mukucheza mosasamala za munthu amene nonse mumamudziwa amene ananyengedwa . Mutha kukambirana za vuto lake, kufufuza momwe akumvera, ndikuwona momwe mnzanuyo akumvera. Izi sizimangowulula maganizo ake pa nkhani ya chinyengo komanso zimakuthandizani kuona momwe akumvera pankhani ya kukhulupirika, kudalirana, ndi ulemu muubwenzi.

2. Ngati tikumana ndi zovuta aliyense payekhapayekha kapena ngati banja, kapena ngati ubale wathu sukuyenda bwino, kodi mungakhale okonzeka kupeza chithandizo ndi uphungu?

Ili ndi limodzi mwamafunso opatsa chidwi kufunsa okondedwa anu. Ganizirani za banja logwirizana lomwe mumalidziwa - mwina makolo anu (kukumbatirani ngati mukuyang'ana), banja loyandikana nalo lapafupi, kapena zibwenzi zomwe mumakonda za rom-com. Mudzaona kuti ngakhale kumwetulira kwa lovey-dovey, iwo apirira mikuntho pamodzi.

Zoona zake n'zakuti, maubwenzi abwino nthawi zonse samayenda bwino ndipo nthawi zambiri timaiwala zimenezo. Mavuto akabuka, ndikofunikira kudziwa ngati mnzanuyo ali wokonzeka kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kuchokera kwa mlangizi wa maubwenzi. Funsoli limasonyeza kukhwima kwawo, kufunitsitsa kugwira ntchito paubwenziwo, komanso kudzipereka kwawo kuti akule.

3. Mafunso okhulupilira kwa maanja - Kodi mumakonda kugwiritsa ntchito kapena kusunga? Ndipo mukuganiza kuti tizisamalira bwanji ndalama zathu limodzi?

Aman akuti, "Ndi funso labwino kufunsa, makamaka pamene ubale wanu ukuvuta kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, ndi zinthu ziti zomwe nonse mumazitcha kuti zinthu zapamwamba? Kodi kusakhulupirika pazachuma n'chiyani malinga ndi inu? Ndipo ngati wina wa inu akuyenera kuthandiza wina kunja kwa chibwenzicho pazachuma, kambiranani pasadakhale kuti zinthu zikhale zosavuta."

• Kudziwa zizoloŵezi za ndalama za wina ndi mnzake, ziyembekezo, ndi zolinga zanu kungathandize kuti mikangano yokhudzana ndi ndalama isapitirire.
• Kambiranani mitu monga kusunga, kukonza bajeti, kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama, maakaunti ophatikizana, ndi zina.
• Lankhulaninso za maudindo azachuma omwe akuyembekezeka - izi zingakuthandizeni kupewa mikangano yomwe ingachitike mtsogolo
• Kuphatikiza apo, ndikwabwino kukhala ndi dongosolo latchuthi chamalotowo kapena thumba latsiku lamvula

4. Kodi mukufuna ana tsiku lina, ndipo ngati ndi choncho, ndi ana angati, ndipo mungakonde kukhala nawo liti?

Taganizirani izi: Nthawi zonse mumalakalaka tsogolo ndi ana awiri, makamaka m'dera lakunja kwatawuni. Mumadziwa zomwe mungatchule, mumasangalala mukayang'ana zovala zazing'ono zokongola m'malo ogulitsira, mumadziwa kuti mungakhale kholo lodabwitsa. Mwakonzekera zonse - ma cribs, matewera, chisokonezo ndi chisangalalo. Koma apa pali zopindika: mutatha chibwenzi, mabelu aukwati akulira pafupi, mumazindikira kuti mnzanuyo sakufuna ana!

Kapena, taganizirani zochitika zomwe simukufuna kukhala ndi ana . Zimagwirizana bwino ndi mfundo zanu, zolinga zanu, ndi maloto anu. Kenako, mwadzidzidzi, mnzanuyo akuwonetsa chikhumbo chachikulu chokhala ndi ana, ndipo sizingatheke kwa iwo. Mukuona, ichi ndichifukwa chake kufuna kapena kusafuna ana ndi gawo lofunika kwambiri pakugwirizana. Kudziwa zokhumba za wina ndi mnzake, nthawi, ndi ziyembekezo zokhudzana ndi ana kungakuthandizeni kugwirizanitsa masomphenya anu amtsogolo. Ngakhale mafunso awa akhoza kukhala ovuta komanso apadera oti mufunse mnzanu, kuwayankha mwachindunji kungakupulumutseni kusweka mtima, ziyembekezo zomwe simunakwaniritse, komanso mkwiyo wanu mtsogolo.

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5. Ndi njira ziti zoyankhulirana zomwe mumakonda, ndipo mumayembekeza kulankhulana ndi okondedwa wanu kangati?

“N’chifukwa chiyani simunandifunire m’mawa wabwino lero?” “Kodi mukudziwa kuti simunandiimbire foni ngakhale kamodzi m’masiku atatu apitawa?” “Ndikulakalaka titakumana maso ndi maso usikuuno, m’malo mokhala pa tsiku la Zoom .” Inde, n’zoonekeratu kuti anthu ena amakonda kukambirana maso ndi maso, pomwe ena amakhala omasuka kutumizirana mameseji kapena mafoni. Kudziwa njira zolankhulirana komanso kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe munthu angayembekezere ndi njira yathu yabwino yodziwira momwe angagwirizanire chibwenzi. Kungakuthandizeni:

• Pangani kulumikizana mwamphamvu
• Ikani zoyembekeza zenizeni
• Pewani kusamvana ndi kukhumudwa
• Dziikireni malire

6. Kodi mumatani mukakangana paubwenzi, ndipo mumasankha njira iti yothetsera mavuto?

Tiyeni tivomereze. Kusamvana sikungapeweke muubwenzi, makamaka womwe umatenga nthawi yayitali. Chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuwona momwe tingachitire nawo. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mumakonda kukambirana modekha kapena kukambirana mokweza? Mwina mumakonda kukambirana nkhaniyi mukumwetsa tiyi, pomwe mnzanuyo amakonda kupuma pang'ono ndikubwerera kukakambirana pambuyo pake. Kumvetsetsa momwe nonse mumakonda kuthetsa kusamvana kungakuthandizeni kupeza mfundo zomwe mukugwirizana komanso njira zabwino zothetsera kusamvana pamodzi.

7. Kodi ubwenzi wapamtima ndi wofunika bwanji kwa inu muubwenzi, ndipo mumayembekezera kangati?

Kukopeka ndi mnzanu n'kofunika kwambiri pa maubwenzi ambiri achikondi. Kukambirana zomwe mukuyembekezera komanso zomwe mukufuna pankhani ya chibwenzi kumatsimikizira kuti nonse awiri mukumva kukhutitsidwa komanso kukhutitsidwa. Kumbali ina, ngati simukugwirizana pa kugonana monga banja, zomwe mukuyembekezera sizikugwirizana zingayambitse kukhumudwa. Ndipo zoona zake n'zakuti, mavuto m'chipinda chogona nthawi zambiri amakhala nkhani zazikulu zaubwenzi.

8. Ingoganizirani bwenzi lanu loyenera kukhala pachibwenzi/ukwati. Tsekani maso anu ndi kuwafotokozera mwatsatanetsatane

Kodi mumagwirizana bwanji ndi mnzanu? Funso ili ndi njira yabwino yodziwira izi. Ngati mukuyang'ana mayeso oti muyeze ngati m'banja kapena oyezetsa ngati m'banja, yesani kufunsa ili. Zimakuthandizani kuti mufufuze masomphenya a mnzanu wa bwenzi labwino. Zimakupatsirani chidziwitso pazokonda zawo, zomwe amakonda, ndi zomwe amayembekeza, kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa ngati mukuyenererana poyamba.

9. Kodi zolinga zanu zanthawi yayitali ndi zotani, ndipo mumawona bwanji wokondedwa wanu akukuthandizani kuti mukwaniritse?

Tangoganizirani kuti muli ndi chikhumbo chachikulu chofuna ntchito mumzinda wina. Ndi mwayi waukulu pantchito yanu, ndipo simungalephere kulota za mwayi womwe uli patsogolo. Komabe, pali gawo limodzi lofunika kwambiri la funsoli lomwe likufunika kumveka bwino - kodi mnzanuyo angakhale wokonzeka ndi maubwenzi akutali ? Mwa kukambirana zolinga ndi zolinga za nthawi yayitali, mumapanga malo olankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima. Mutha kufotokoza zomwe mukufuna, komanso kuphunzira za zomwe mnzanuyo akufuna komanso momwe mungakhalire mtsogoleri wawo wabwino kwambiri.

10. Kodi mumalingalira bwanji kugwirizanitsa moyo wanu waukatswiri ndi moyo wanu waumwini?

Ndikofunika kwambiri kumvetsetsa maganizo a mnzanu pa ntchito ndi moyo wa ntchito. Kodi ndi okonda kugwira ntchito kapena amaika patsogolo nthawi yabwino kunja kwa ntchito? Pamene mukudabwa momwe mungadziwire ngati inu n'zogwirizana ndi munthu, funsani okhudza ntchito ozama maubwenzi mafunso.

11. Kodi mumasonyeza bwanji chikondi ndi chikondi, ndipo ndi zinenero ziti zimene mumakonda?

Mwina mumakhala ndi nthawi yabwino pamene mnzanuyo akusangalala ndi mawu olimbikitsa. Mwa kumvetsetsa mitundu ya zilankhulo zachikondi , mutha kukwaniritsa zosowa za wina ndi mnzake ndikupanga ubale wokhutiritsa. Kupanda kutero, izi zitha kupangitsa kuti munthu m'modzi asamve ngati akuwonedwa kapena kuyamikiridwa, ngakhale kuti sichinali cholinga cha mnzake.

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12. Malinga ndi inu, ndi zizindikiro ziti za ubale wopanda thanzi kapena mbendera zofiira mwa okondedwa?

Limodzi mwa mafunso ofunikira kwambiri paubwenzi kwa maanja, kukambirana zizindikiro zofiira ndi zizindikiro za ubale wosakhazikika bwino kumakuthandizani kumvetsetsa malire a mnzanuyo komanso zinthu zomwe zingakulepheretseni kuchita bwino. Kungathandizenso kudziwa za machitidwe osakhazikika bwino (omwe nthawi zambiri amaonedwa ngati "chabwino, ndi khalidwe labwinobwino, eti?") kuti muwasamalire ndikuwayankha. Mwa kufunsa mafunso otere kuti mufunse mnzanu amene mukufuna kukhala naye, mutha kumanga chidaliro komanso chitetezo chamaganizo muubwenzi wanu.

13. Maganizo anu ndi otani pa zikhulupiriro ndi machitidwe auzimu muubwenzi?

Mukuyang'ana mafunso kuchokera ku mayeso okhudzana ndiukwati kwa maanja? Funso ili likuuzani ngati nonse mumagwirizana malinga ndi zikhulupiriro, machitidwe, komanso gawo la uzimu mu ubale wanu. Zimatsimikizira kugwirizanitsa ndi kulemekeza maulendo auzimu ndi miyambo ya wina ndi mzake, ngakhale simutsatira machitidwe a chikhulupiriro cha wina ndi mzake.

14. Kodi mumachita bwanji kusintha ndi kusinthika muubwenzi? Mwachitsanzo, ngati wachibale wanu adwala mwakayakaya kapena ndikapeza ntchito yomwe ndimalakalaka mumzinda wina, kodi mungatani kuti mukhale ndi vuto ngati limeneli?

Ichi ndi chiyeso chachikulu cha umunthu kwa maanja. Ganizilani za curveballs zosayembekezereka moyo akuponya pa inu: matenda, ntchito kusintha, nkhani umoyo wa m'maganizo, etc. Ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa momwe nonse mumachitira zinthu ngati zotere komanso ngati ndinu okonzeka kupeza mayankho ndikuthandizirana wina ndi mnzake pakusintha. Aman akuti, "Ndimaonanso kuti ndi zabwino ngati munthu wachitatu afunsa funsoli kwa banjali mwachisawawa, makamaka pa chithandizo cha banja."

15. Kodi malingaliro anu ndi otani pa malo aumwini ndi nthawi yokhayo mu ubale wathu? Kodi mumafuna nthawi yochuluka bwanji kuti mukhale nokha?

Mwinamwake ndinu amphaka kapena munthu wagalu ndipo mumalakalaka maola angapo ndi chiweto chanu tsiku lililonse, pamene mnzanuyo amasangalala ndi zochitika zapayekha kuti muwonjezere. Mukamvetsetsa zosowa za wina ndi mnzake pakukhala pawekha, mutha kupanga mgwirizano wabwino pakati pa mgwirizano ndi kudziyimira pawokha.

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16. Poganizira zolakwa zanu zam'mbuyomu (mwina paubwenzi uno kapena ndi anzako), mukuganiza kuti mungaphunzirepo chiyani pazimenezi kuti mukhale ndi tsogolo labwino?

Aman akuti, "Ndikuganiza kuti ili ndi funso lomwe ndimakonda kwambiri pamndandandawu. Limakupatsani mwayi wokambirana za akale omwe mudali nawo pachibwenzi chatsopano kuti akale asawonekere ngati mtundu wina wa ziwanda muzokambirana zanu. Muthanso kukambirana za zomwe zidapangitsa kuti maubwenzi anu akale athe. M'malo mopempha mnzanu kuti alembe maphunziro, mutha kukambirana momasuka za zomwe zidalakwika m'mbuyomu komanso zomwe zikanatheka kuchitidwa mosiyana."

17. Mukuganiza bwanji za malire anu ndi zinsinsi (makamaka zachinsinsi pa social media) muubwenzi?

Mukufuna mafunso oti mufunse mnzanu kuti mumange ubale wapamtima ? Kukambirana malire aumwini, kuphatikizapo zachinsinsi pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, kumathandiza kukhazikitsa kudalirana ndi ulemu. Zimathandiza kuti onse awiri azikhala omasuka komanso otetezeka muubwenzi, komanso kuti zosowa zanu zonse zikukwaniritsidwa kapena kuthetsedwa.

18. Kodi mukufuna kugaŵana motani ntchito zapakhomo ndi mathayo atsiku ndi tsiku?

Mwina ndinu katswiri pa khitchini pamene mnzanu akuyang'anira kuchapa ndi kuyeretsa. Mukapeza njira yogwirira ntchito nonse awiri, mutha kuonetsetsa kuti nyumba yanu ikhale yogwirizana komanso yogwirizana. Ndi limodzi mwa mafunso abwino kwambiri oti mufunse muubwenzi mukasankha kukakhala limodzi . Aman akuti, "Ndimakonda funso ili chifukwa limasintha kwambiri. Nkhani yamtunduwu siyenera kungokambidwa kokha, komanso kukhala ndi chidziwitso. Ichi ndichifukwa chake, nthawi zambiri, zingakhale zothandiza kuti okwatirana azikhala limodzi kwa kanthawi asanakwatirane."

19. Kodi mumamva bwanji mukamachita zosangalatsa za anthu okwatirana komanso kukumana ndi zinthu zatsopano limodzi?

Kukambilana zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mukuyembekezera pazamasewera kumakupatsani mwayi wopanga moyo wosangalatsa komanso wokhutiritsa wogawana nawo. Zimakudziwitsani ngati mnzanuyo akulota kukwera mayendedwe opatsa chidwi limodzi, kapena amasangalala kuyesa zakudya zosiyanasiyana pazikondwerero zakomweko. Mafunso olumikizana otere amafufuza chikhumbo cha zomwe amakonda komanso zatsopano.

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20. Kodi maganizo anu ndi otani pa nkhani ya ukwati, ndipo kodi mumaiona kuti ndi yofunika kwambiri paubwenzi wachimwemwe?

Kodi mumaganiza za ukwati wachikhalidwe komanso mgwirizano wa moyo wonse, kapena mumaika patsogolo mgwirizano wamkati kuposa mgwirizano walamulo? Mafunso ovuta ngati amenewa ndi ofunikira kuti mufufuze malingaliro anu pa ukwati. Aman akugawana nanu malangizo abwino kwambiri, "Ndikuganiza kuti ili ndi funso labwino kufunsidwa pa tsiku lachitatu. Mwachitsanzo, mumalankhula za zinthu zomwe mumakonda pa tsiku loyamba . Pa tsiku lachiwiri, mumakambirana za mfundo zofunika kwa inu. Pa tsiku lachitatu, mutha kukambirana za malingaliro anu pa ukwati wonse. Koma onetsetsani kuti mwayamba kukambirana, m'malo mongoganizira mwadzidzidzi."

21. Kodi tchuthi chanu chabwino chachikondi ndi okondedwa anu ndi chiyani? Phatikizani zambiri monga kopita, mayendedwe, zakudya, ndi malingaliro ogonana omwe mungafune kuyesa patchuthi

Ngati mukufuna mankhwala amatsenga kuwulula zinthu zambiri za ubale wanu (inde, ndi swoosh), yesani kufunsa mafunso oseketsa ogwirizana okwatirana. Mukamalankhula za tchuthi chanu chachikondi, mutha kuphunzira izi:

• Kodi mnzanu ndi munthu wam'mawa kapena kadzidzi wausiku?
• Mutha kukambirana ngati nonse mumakonda chizoloŵezi chochepa kapena chodzaza ulendo
• Funsoli limakuthandizani kudziwa momwe mumayenderana ndi kugonana
• Kodi nonse mungakonde kukhalira limodzi nthawi zonse?

Zonse ndi za kupanga mlengalenga wa chikondi, kudalirana, ndi kufufuza komwe mungathe kulumikizana ndi mnzanu mwakuthupi komanso m'maganizo.

Mofanana ndi anthu, kuyanjana kumatha kukula pakapita nthawi. Ngati mukufuna kukonza zovuta m'moyo wanu wachikondi, mutha kutero polumikizana momasuka komanso moona mtima ndi mnzanu. Ndipo nthawi zonse mukafuna kufotokozera kothandiza kuti muwunikire ubale wanu nthawi iliyonse yaubwenzi wanu, mndandanda wathu wamafunso okhudzana ndi maanja umakhalapo nthawi zonse - okonzeka kukuthandizani kuti mupewe squinting kwa moyo wanu wonse!

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.