15 Red Flags Mu Akazi Omwe Simuyenera Kunyalanyaza

Zotsatira zamutu, zokondweretsa za chikondi chomwe chikukula nthawi zambiri chimatipangitsa kusayang'ana kusiyana pakati pa ife ndi bwenzi lomwe tingakhale nalo. Magalasi okhala ndi maluwa a rozi omwe mukuvala amapangitsa thambo kukhala lokongola kwambiri ndipo chilichonse chikuwoneka kuti chagwera m'malo mwake. Komabe, mukanyalanyaza mbendera zofiira mwa mkazi, vuto limabweretsa mutu wake woyipa pomwe kutengeka mtima kumayamba kutha. Ndipo mukamawona zinthu momwe zilili, mutha kukhala kale mozama kwambiri.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuwona mbendera zofiira muubwenzi ndi mkazi, ngakhale mungafune kukhulupirira kuti chilichonse ndi changwiro. Kupatula apo, mukangoona zovuta zomwe zingayambitse, m'pamene mungazindikire mwachangu momwe mungawathetsere.

Popeza simuli owerenga malingaliro, ndikofunikira kwambiri kulabadira khalidwe la munthu, zolankhula zake, ndi zochita zake kuti muwone ngati kupezeka kwawo m'moyo wanu kukuvulazani kuposa zabwino. Kuti izi zitheke, tiyeni tiyese kumvetsetsa mbendera zazikulu zofiira mwa mtsikana zomwe simuyenera kuzinyalanyaza

15 Red Flags Mu Akazi Omwe Simuyenera Kunyalanyaza

Mbendera zofiira mwa mkazi kapena mwamuna ndizofanana. Wogwiritsa nkhanza nthawi zonse amakhala ndi mikhalidwe yofananira, mosatengera kuti ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi. Komabe, kudziwa zomwe iwo ali kungakuthandizeni kuonetsetsa kuti zomwe mukudumphira pamutu sizovuta. Mnyamata wina amene ndinam’patsa uphungu zaka zingapo m’mbuyomo anavutika maganizo kwambiri chifukwa chakuti sanazindikire zizindikiro za khalidwe la mnzake msanga.

Pamene chibwenzi chawo chinayamba, Kevin sanaganizire kwambiri za momwe Samantha ankakhalira wopanda ulemu ndipo ankamutcha mayina nthawi iliyonse akakangana. Zimene ankaganiza kuti ndi “nthawi yovuta” zinakhala zopanda ulemu muubwenziwo . Ndi mawu aliwonse onyoza komanso mawu aliwonse onyoza, Kevin anamva kuti dzenje lomwe adadzipangira yekha likukulirakulira. Atazindikira kuti amaopa kulankhula ndi Samantha tsiku lililonse, anadziwa kuti nthawi yakwana yoti athetse vutoli.

Kodi mbendera zofiira mwa bwenzi ndi ziti? Kudziwa yankho la funsoli ndi kusiyana pakati pa zochitika ngati Kevin kapena kumvetsa zomwe muyenera kuyesetsa (kapena kuchokapo) mutangoyamba chibwenzi, makamaka mukangoyamba chibwenzi. Tiyeni tiwone zomwe muyenera kuyang'ana:

1. Amakupwetekani pokutchulani mayina achipongwe

Ndinali kulangiza banja ili lomwe lidayamba chibwenzi panthawi yotseka COVID. Iwo anali asanakumanepo ndipo anayamba chibwenzi pa foni. Anasiyana patapita nthawi chifukwa anayamba kumutchula mayina achitsiru, kumuuza kuti ndi wopusa komanso kumukhumudwitsa. Ngakhale adayesa kuyanjana, ubale wawo tsopano uli pamiyala.

Zinthu izi sizingabweretse zizindikiro zowopsa, chifukwa nthawi zambiri mabwenzi amatha kuchita nthabwala zotere. Koma ngati ndi chibwenzi, makamaka pankhani ngati izi pomwe awiriwa sanakumanepo, pamafunika kusamala momwe onse awiri amalankhulirana. Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu ndipo sakukuchitirani bwino, chimenecho ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu kwambiri paubwenzi ndi mkazi amene muyenera kumusamala.

Mukamanyozedwa n’kudziona kuti ndinu opusa chifukwa cholakwa, zikhoza kufooketsa chidaliro chanu. Khalidwe lapoizoni loterolo lingakule m’kupita kwa nthaŵi ndi kukusiyani mumadzikayikira. Simungafune kuti magwero ake akhale munthu amene mumamukonda kwambiri, sichoncho?

2. Akuyembekezerani kwambiri kwa inu

Mmodzi mwa mbendera zofiira zomwe zimachitika mwa mzimayi ndikuti amayembekeza kalonga wake wokongola kuti amuchotse pamapazi ake ndi 'kumupulumutsa' ku zovuta zake zonse. Mtundu wotere wa princess syndrome umatsogolera ku khalidwe losowa, lomwe amuna ena amatha kugwa nalo mosavuta, poganiza kuti ndi chikondi, osadziwa kuti ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza.

Zimene amuna amenewo sadziwa n’zakuti ulendo umenewu ndi wa zaka 50 zomwe angolembetsa kumene. Inde, ndi wabwino kwambiri kwa amuna ambiri chifukwa umayambitsa chibadwa cha ngwazi mwa iwo. Kwa amuna otere, ndili ndi upangiri umodzi wokha: muyenera kumvetsetsa kuti mukufuna munthu wodziyimira pawokha m’moyo wanu. Munthu wodalira ena adzakugwetsani pansi. Ngati mnzanu ali ndi mndandanda wautali wa zomwe akuyembekezera kuchokera kwa mnzanu wake, chinthu chokhacho chomwe mungayembekezere ndi kusamvana.

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3. Amakupangitsani kukayikira zenizeni zanu pokuyatsirani gasi

Kunyoza muubwenzi ndi pamene mnzanu akunyoza malingaliro anu mwa kunena zinthu monga, “Sizimenezo zomwe zinachitika”, “Mukuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso”, kapena “Ndinu wamisala kuganiza motere, mukufuna thandizo”, zomwe zimakupangitsani kukayikira nokha. Izi zikachitika mobwerezabwereza muubwenzi wautali komanso wovuta, zimatha kubweretsa tsoka kwa wozunzidwayo kudzidalira komanso kudzimva kuti ndi wofunika.

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira zomveka bwino mwa mkazi wowonongeka ndi nkhanza zamaganizo monga izi. Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira zomwe sizikuwoneka bwino kumayambiriro kwa chiyanjano. Mbali yonyansa iyi ya mnzanuyo imangodziwonetsera yokha pamene mwakhala ndi nthawi yambiri muzochitika.

Ndizo ndendende zomwe zimapangitsa izi kukhala zoopsa kwambiri. Pofuna kukhazikitsa ulamuliro pa inu, kuwononga chidaliro chanu pokuukirani, kukupatulani, kapena kukukhumudwitsani, nkhanza zamaganizo zimatha kusokoneza ubale uliwonse komanso thanzi lamaganizo la wozunzidwayo.

4. Sangaleke kukamba za wakale wawo

Ngati achita ngati kuti chilichonse chinali cholakwika cha wakale ndipo anali mwana wosalakwa muubwenzi umenewo, muyenera kusamala. Kuyerekeza akale, makamaka ndi munthu amene ali naye panopa, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu kwa mkazi. Tsopano, nthawi zina kutchula wokondedwa wakale n'kwachibadwa. Palibe vuto ngati atchula dzina la wakaleyo m'njira yodziwikiratu pamene akukuuzani amene adawawonetsa pulogalamuyo yomwe amaikonda kwambiri.

Komabe, ngati zikuwoneka ngati akuyesera kulimbana ndi wakale wake ndi inu monga oweruza milandu, nthawi zambiri zingatanthauze kuti ali ndi njira yochiritsira kusudzulana . Ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zowopsa pamene zikuwoneka ngati akupeza zifukwa zobweretsera mnzanu wakale ndikukuyerekezani ndi iye.

5. Kuchita ngati wozunzidwayo

Lingaliro la kuzunzidwa ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza kuti mkazi yemwe muli naye ndi wapoizoni. Chilichonse chimatsutsana naye ndipo aliyense ali panja kuti amutenge. Galasiyo nthawi zonse imakhala yopanda kanthu ndipo wina wayikapo poizoni chifukwa nthawi zonse amakhala wovulalayo. Nthawi zonse amawonetsa zoyipa za aliyense womuzungulira, ndipo malingaliro ake okayikakayika pa moyo amamupangitsa kukayikira kulimba kwa ubale wanu. 

Kodi chizolowezi chake ndi chiyani? Ngati apeza njira yodzionetsera ngati wozunzidwa pazochitika zonse, ndi chizindikiro chakuti akhoza kukhala mkazi wosadzidalira . N'zotheka kuti amaona nthabwala iliyonse ngati chiwembu chake, ndipo amafufuza chilichonse chimene mumanena chifukwa kusadzidalira kwake kumamupangitsa kuti asakukhulupirireni. Musanyalanyaze machitidwe amenewa chifukwa ndi ena mwa chizolowezi chachikulu mwa mkazi.

6. Kusavomereza maubwenzi a bwenzi ndi abwenzi ndi abale 

Pa mbendera zofiira zonse muubwenzi ndi mkazi, izi zimaloza ku mavuto ambiri monga chikhalidwe cholamulira, khalidwe lansanje, kapena kalembedwe kosagwirizana. Ngati akuona kuti akufunika kukhala woyamba pa moyo wanu nthawi zonse, angakhale akumulepheretsa mnzako kuti adziyimire paokha. 

Ngati nthawi zonse amawopsezedwa ndi abwenzi anu apamtima, anzanu, kapena makolo anu, muyenera kuwunika ubale womwe mungamange naye. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mwa mtsikana ndipo zimasonyeza zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimayambitsa.

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7. Chilichonse nthawi zonse chimakhala cha iwo, ndipo alibe chifundo

Tangoganizani kuti zimene mnzanu wakuuzani zachititsa kuti muzidziona kuti ndinu wopanda ulemu komanso wokhumudwa. Mwinamwake kunali kuukira koyipa kwa kusadzidalira kwanu kapena mawu onyoza. Mukawauza momwe zomwe anena zakupweteketsani, sangathe / sakufuna kukumverani ndikubwereza zomwe ananena. Musadabwe mukamva kuti, “Lekani kuchita zinthu monyanyira, mukuchita zinthu zopanda pake. (Mukukumbukira kuyatsa gasi?)

Kulephera kungonena kuti, “Ndikumvetsa momwe mukumvera, ngakhale sindikugwirizana nazo”, kumatanthauza kusowa chifundo koonekeratu komanso kovutitsa. Kumvera chisoni sikutanthauza nthawi zonse kuvomereza maganizo awo. Mwachitsanzo, ndinali ndi kasitomala amene nthawi zonse ankada nkhawa kuti mkazi wake anali ndi chibwenzi, ngakhale panthawi ya lockdown, komwe ankakhala ola lililonse la tsiku m'nyumba imodzi.

Ngakhale kuti kukayikira kwake ndi kusadzidalira kwake kunali kopanda pake kwa iye, iye anakhoza kunena kuti: “Ndikumvetsa kumene kusokonezeka maganizo kumeneku kukuchokera ndi chifukwa chake mwina mukumva chonchi. Ngakhale kuti chifundo choterechi sichingakhale chosowa kuchipeza, kusowa kwake kwenikweni ndi mbendera yofiira. "

8. Iwo alibe lingaliro lakukonza mkangano uliwonse

Uwu ndi mbendera yofiira muubwenzi ndi mkazi womwe umakhudza momwe mumagwirira ntchito pazovuta zanu pakapita nthawi. Mwachitsanzo, ngati lingaliro lawo lothetsa kusamvana likufuna kukuiwalitsani, mumakhulupirira kuti pakhala kukwiya muubwenzi womwe pamapeto pake zidzagwetsa vutolo. Ndinali ndi kasitomala amene anadzutsa mwamuna wake pakati pausiku, akumenyetsa chitseko ndikumuuza kuti akambirane naye zomwe zimamuvutitsa.

Kuyesa kuthetsa mkangano mwa kufuula mnzanu nthawi ya 4 koloko m'mawa, ndithudi, si njira yabwino kwambiri yothetsera vuto. Zachidziwikire, iyi si imodzi mwa zizindikiro zowopsa kwa mkazi, koma imayenda mbali zonse ziwiri. Cholinga chachikulu ndichakuti mnzanu m'modzi atenge njira yothetsera mkangano , zomwe sizithandiza aliyense.

9. Ali ndi ubale wapoizoni, wosokonekera ndi banja lawo

Kodi mbendera zofiira mwa bwenzi ndi ziti? Pamene mukuyankha funso limenelo, mwina mumangoganizira za mmene amakuchitirani osati kuganizira za ubale wake ndi makolo ake. Ngati iye nthawizonse amamenyana ndi abambo ake, chifaniziro chachimuna choyamba mu moyo wake, dongosolo limenelo lidzibwereza lokha. Muyenera kupendanso chifukwa chake ubale wake ndi banjali uli woyipa. Kodi makolowo ndi anthu okoma mtima koma iye amapezabe njira yopitirizira kukangana ndi kumenyana ndi kukhala wosatetezeka? Zikatere, mumadziwa kuti si makolo, ndi iyeyo.

Akakhala kuti ali ndi ubale wosayenera ndi omwe amamusamalira, ndiye kuti amalimbikitsa ziyembekezo zomwe tidakambirana, za princess syndrome, pomwe mkaziyo angayembekezere mnzake 'kumupulumutsa'. Ubale wofiyira mbendera sungathe kuwonekeratu koyambirira, chifukwa mwina simudzadziwa chilichonse chokhudza momwe banja la mnzanuyo limayambira. Koma mukazindikira bwino, m'pofunika kuyang'anitsitsa zomwe zikuchitika.

10. Iwo amakakamira kwambiri ndipo amadalira inu  

Mmodzi wa mbendera wofiira mu ubwenzi ndi mkazi kapena ngakhale mwamuna amene ine ndikuwona nthawi zambiri kwambiri codependent khalidwe ndi chitsanzo kulumpha kuchokera ubwenzi wina ndi mzake. Sakudziwa omwe ali opanda ubale, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimatanthawuza khalidwe losowa komanso lokondana. 

Kufunika ubale kuti umve bwino ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira za mkazi wovulala. Nthawi zambiri mumapeza kuti akuvutika ndi kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana , komwe kumachepetsa kokha akakhala mu ubale watsopano. Khalidwe lotere limasonyeza kuti amaona kuti lingaliro la ubale ndi lofunika kwambiri kuposa munthu amene ali naye, ndipo sangavutike kusamukira ndi wina ngati kusintha kwamakono kukupita kumwera.

11. Chibwenzi chimakupangitsani kumva kutopa

Kutopa ndi ubale sikuchitika nthawi yoyamba koma pakapita nthawi, zizindikiro zimaonekera. Ngati nthawi zonse mumavutitsidwa mpaka kufika poti mukumva ngati mukuyenda pa zipolopolo za mazira nthawi zonse, kapena ngati mukumva ngati mumakhala maso nthawi zonse, ndi zachibadwa kuti ubalewo udzakusiyani mukutopa kwambiri.

Nawa mayeso osavuta a litmus kuti muwone ngati muli paubwenzi ndi munthu yemwe si wokwanira kwa inu: Kodi ndi munthu amene mungafune kukhala naye paubwenzi? Ngati sichoncho, ndiye kuti ndi mbendera yofiira yomwe ikuwonetsa kuti dongosolo lanu lamtengo wapatali siligwirizana ndi awo ndipo simukugwirizana nawo. 

12. Matenda a m'maganizo omwe amakana kugwira ntchito

Tonsefe tili ndi mavuto ndi zovuta zomwe tiyenera kuthana nazo, ndipo kungoti winawake wapezeka ndi matenda amisala sizitanthauza kuti sakuyenera chikondi chanu komanso ubwenzi wanu. Ngakhale zili choncho, sizodabwitsa kuti ubale ndi munthu amene akuvutika ndi matenda amisala nthawi zonse suyenda bwino, ndipo ukhoza kuyenda bwino pokhapokha ngati onse awiri akugwira ntchito mwakhama.

Pamene bwenzi lokhala ndi mavuto oterowo akukana kudzigwira ntchito kapena kuti ubwenziwo ukhale wabwino, pamapeto pake ukhoza kukhala umene umapangitsa kuti ulephereke. Inde, ndi bwino kukhala ndi nkhani zoterezi. Chofunika kwambiri ndi kuchuluka kwa udindo womwe munthu angatenge pazochitika zawo osati kugwiritsa ntchito matenda awo ngati njira yopulumutsira. Kodi angayesetse kuthana ndi zovuta zawo ndikuwonetsetsa kuti akuchita zonse zomwe angathe kuti adziteteze komanso kuti ubale wawo ukhale wolimba? 

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13. Palibe chizindikiro cha kuyanjana 

Kodi mumamva ngati mukupereka zambiri paubwenzi kuposa winayo? Inde, sipadzakhala 50-50 kupereka ndi kutenga, koma ngati mukuganiza kuti simungathe kudalira mnzanuyo kuti akuthandizeni mwadzidzidzi, ndi chimodzi mwa mbendera zofiira mu ubale ndi mkazi.

Kubwezerana muubwenzi sikumakhazikitsidwa posunga zigoli kapena kuyang'ana amene akuchita chiyani, koma ndi mkhalidwe wamaganizo womwe umadziwonetsera wokha kudzera mu khama lomwe munthu amachita mwachibadwa. Siziyenera kuonekera ngakhale panthawi yadzidzidzi ya 3 AM, kusowa kubwezerana kungawonekere bwino momwe mnzanuyo amakuchitirani nthawi zonse.

Zingayambe kumverera ngati ndiwe nokha amene mukuyesera kuyesetsa kuchitapo kanthu, kapena ndiwe nokha amene mumasamala za kuthetsa mikangano m'malo momenyana. Kutenga udindo kudzakhala lingaliro losamveka kwa wokondedwa wanu, ndipo pamapeto pake, chizindikiro chochenjezachi chidzaonekera. Chibwenzi chanu chikayamba kumverera ngati mbali imodzi, ndi nthawi yoti muwunikenso maziko amphamvu zanu. 

14. Lingaliro lawo la “kulankhulana” limaphatikizapo kumenyana ndi kukukuwa

Nthawi zonse mukayamba kukangana ndikuyesera kufotokoza malingaliro anu, amawoneka kuti sangathe kuchita nawo zokambirana modekha komanso mwabata. Amawoneka kuti amangoganizira za "kupambana", ndipo kulankhulana nawo kungapangitse kuti malingaliro anu apweteke. Kumveka bwino?

Mavuto olankhulana ngati amenewa nthawi zambiri amakhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofala kwambiri. Chifukwa cha kulankhulana, mnzanu angakukwiyireni ndikukupwetekani, poganiza kuti angakuuzeni chilichonse chomwe akufuna. Sikuti zimangotanthauza kusalemekezana komanso zimasonyeza kuti mnzanuyo angakhale ndi lingaliro lolakwika la momwe kulankhulana kuyenera kukhalira muubwenzi wabwino komanso wodalirika.

15. Amasonyeza khalidwe lolamulira

Kuwongolera, khalidwe la nsanje ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mwa mkazi, komanso mwa amuna. Khalidwe lapoizoni ngati limeneli silimangokhudza amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo anthu, mwatsoka, amakumana ndi machitidwe ansanje ndi okondedwa awo nthawi zambiri.

Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kutsutsa kapena kuchitira nsanje kwambiri anzanu ndi achibale anu ndipo akhoza kulamulira nthawi yomwe mumakhala nawo. Kapena, akhoza kutsutsa zokonda zomwe muli nazo ndikukunyengererani kuti musiye. Komanso, ngakhale chikhalidwe cha pop chingakupangitseni kukhulupirira kuti kuwongolera kumangowoneka ngati mnzanu akukuuzani mosabisa kuti musachite zinazake, mvetsetsani kuti ndizovuta kwambiri kuposa zimenezo.

Mbendera yofiira iyi imatha kutenga nthawi ndipo mwina simungazindikire. Nenani, mwachitsanzo, mnzanuyo samakuuzani mosapita m'mbali kuti musachite nawo zinthu zina, koma chikhalidwe chawo chotsutsa, mkwiyo waukulu chifukwa cha zochita zanu, ndi kunyoza kosalekeza pamapeto pake zidzapangitsa kuti pakhale vuto lalikulu muubwenzi. Mwinanso mungayambe kupewa anthu kapena zinthu zomwe mumakonda koma mnzanuyo amadana nazo chifukwa chofuna kusunga mtendere. Zotsatira zake, amatha kulamulira zochita zanu ndikukupangitsani kudzikayikira nokha, ngakhale mwanjira ina.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa yankho la zomwe mbendera zofiira mu chibwenzi, mwachiyembekezo, muli ndi lingaliro labwino la zomwe ziyenera kuchitidwa ndi zomwe zili vuto m'mutu mwanu. Ndikusiyirani mayeso ena ogwira mtima a litmus ogwirizana ndi omwe angakhale nawo kapena okondedwa apano.

Gawani ulendo wautali ndi munthuyu pagalimoto nthawi yomwe magalimoto ambiri amadutsa. Mudzatha kuwona momwe amachitira zinthu m'malo opsinjika, zomwe angathe kuchita, momwe amafotokozera zakukhosi kwawo mozungulira inu, komanso momwe amachitira ndi kupsinjika maganizo. Izi ziyenera kukuuzani zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa. Ngati mndandanda uwu wa zizindikiro zowopsa muubwenzi ndi mkazi wakupangitsani kuda nkhawa ndi mphamvu ya mphamvu yanu, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito la Bonobology lingakuthandizeni kudziwa momwe njira yanu yopezera kuchira ingawonekere.

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