Kukhumudwa Kwapambuyo Pakusweka - Tanthauzo, Zizindikiro, Ndi Malangizo Othana nawo

Kulekanitsa njira ndi wina wofunikira ndizochitika zosintha moyo, kunena pang'ono. Zimatembenuza dziko lanu mozondoka pamene mukuphunzira kukhalanso ndi moyo. Kulimbana ndikopitilira ndipo anthu amakumana ndi kusweka mtima mosiyanasiyana. Koma kaŵirikaŵiri, anthu amatembenukira ku njira yamdima ya kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pa kupatukana. Ndikofunikira kukhala ndi zokambirana mozungulira mutuwo chifukwa chisoni cha kusweka mtima nthawi zambiri chimakhala chokhalitsa kapena chaching'ono.

Tikukambirana za mavuto aakulu a kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana motsogozedwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Kuyambira tanthauzo la matenda a pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi zizindikiro zake mpaka nthawi yake komanso njira zothetsera mavuto - bukuli lili ndi zonse. Ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa bwino za vuto lanu, muli pamalo oyenera.

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Ubwenzi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zabwino kwambiri zomwe takumana nazo m'moyo wathu. Uli ndi mbiri yakale yosaiwalika, nthawi yachikondi, komanso tsogolo labwino. Mwachibadwa, kutha kwa mgwirizano woterewu kumatilepheretsa kukhala ndi moyo wabwino ndipo kumatipangitsa kutaya njira ndi cholinga. Kusungulumwa pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi chinthu chapadera - kusweka mtima kumatipangitsa kugwada. Koma n'chifukwa chiyani kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana kumatikhudza kwambiri?

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti, “Kutha kwa chibwenzi kumakhala chifukwa cha chisoni chachikulu kwa onse awiri omwe akukhudzidwa. Aganiza za tsogolo lawo ndipo kupatukana kumathetsa zolinga zawo zonse. Anthu akalephera kupeza zomwe akufuna muukwati, amavutika ndi kutayika kwa maloto. Ndikofunikanso kuzindikira kuti mnzanu amalowa m'maudindo ambiri (bwenzi, woyenda, woyendayenda, mnzake, ndi zina zotero) ndipo motero, ubale umakhudza mbali iliyonse ya moyo wa munthu.

"Kusintha kwakukulu komwe kumachitika chifukwa cha kutha kwa ubale kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Munthu amataya zinthu zambiri ndipo kusintha zinthu kumakhala kovuta kwambiri." Kuchuluka kwa nkhawa zomwe anthu amakumana nazo panthawi yotha kwa ubale kumawonjezera mwayi wawo wovutika maganizo. Ndipotu, kafukufuku wa 2019 adawonetsa kuti zizindikiro za kutha kwa ubale zimafanana ndi zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo.

Kuti muyankhe funso lanu (ngakhale kuti palibe yankho losavuta), matenda a pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi nthawi yovuta kwambiri yomwe imatsatira kutha kwa chibwenzi. Imadziwika ndi kukhumudwa, chisoni, komanso kutopa kupatula zizindikiro zina zambiri. Ngakhale aliyense amakumana ndi matenda a pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi, ena amavutika kwambiri ndi kutha kwa chibwenzi kuposa ena. Amavutika maganizo chifukwa cha chisoni cha nthawi yayitali ndipo sangathe kupitiriza kapena kuthetsa kulekana. Yakwana nthawi yoti athetse vuto lalikulu la kutha kwa chibwenzi.

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Kuvutika maganizo komwe kumachitika chifukwa cha kutha kwa chibwenzi n'kovuta kukhala nako. Kumabweretsa kusasangalala kwambiri komanso kupweteka m'maganizo komanso mwakuthupi. Koma kuti muthane nako moyenera, muyenera kuzindikira zizindikiro zake. Palibe munthu amene ayenera kudzifufuza yekha kuchokera m'maganizo. Komabe, amatha kuzindikira zizindikiro zochenjeza ndikupempha thandizo la akatswiri kuti atuluke mu kuvutika maganizo pambuyo poti mwatha.

Yang'anani zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndikuchita kafukufuku wolondola wa vuto lanu. Khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha chifukwa ndi sitepe yoyamba yoti muchiritse. Tayani kukana ndipo kumbukirani mawu anzeru a CS Lewis ochokera mu The Problem of Pain – “Kupweteka kwamaganizo sikovuta kwambiri ngati kupweteka kwakuthupi, koma n’kofala kwambiri komanso kovuta kupirira. Kuyesa kubisa kupweteka kwamaganizo nthawi zambiri kumawonjezera mtolo: n’kosavuta kunena kuti, ‘Dzino langa likupweteka’ kusiyana ndi kunena kuti, ‘Mtima wanga wasweka.’”

1. Kusintha kwa kulemera 

Dr. Bhonsle anati, “Kuwonjezeka kapena kuchepa kwa thupi kumasonyeza vuto lomwe lilipo. Anthu ambiri amataya chilakolako cha kugonana akatha chibwenzi ndipo amasiya kusamalira matupi awo. Iyi ndi nkhani yodziwika bwino ya chiyambi cha kuvutika maganizo.” Chabwino, kodi mwakhala mukudya zakudya zabwino komanso kumwa madzi okwanira? Kapena mwakhala mumkhalidwe wodya kwambiri kapena kufa ndi njala? Kusowa zakudya m'thupi lanu ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zoyipa kwambiri za kuvutika maganizo mukatha chibwenzi.

2. Kuledzera kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo

Anthu ambiri amafunafuna chitonthozo pakumwa ndi zinthu zina pambuyo pa kutha kwa chibwenzi. Amangotsala pang'ono kusokoneza bongo ndipo amaika thanzi lawo pachiswe. Kuyimbira munthu wakale woledzera nthawi zambiri kumasekedwa koma zimasonyeza chinthu china choopsa kwambiri. Ganizirani za mbiri yanu yaposachedwa yakumwa - ndi kangati mwamira zisoni zanu mu kapu ya kachasu? Ngati mukuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kutha, yankho lidzakudabwitsani.

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3. Kuvutika maganizo kwakukulu pambuyo pa kutha kwa banja kumabweretsa kudzipatula

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Anthu amene ali ndi zizindikiro za kuvutika maganizo amasiya kucheza ndi anthu onse. Mwayi, muli ndi mafoni ophonya ambiri komanso mauthenga osatsegulidwa pafoni yanu. Simukufuna kubwezera izo, sichoncho?

4. Kutaya mtima

Ichi ndi chizindikiro china chofunikira chomwe muyenera kusamala nacho. Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Anthu amataya chilakolako chawo ndipo amakhala otopa komanso opanda chidwi. Amachita ntchito za tsiku ndi tsiku ndi khama lalikulu kapena kulimbana." Chinthu chofala monga kugula zakudya chingawoneke cholemetsa ngati mukukumana ndi vuto la kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana . Chizindikiro chofanana ndi kusakonda zinthu zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakusangalatsani. Mudzadzipeza mukugwiritsa ntchito mawu akuti, "Sindikufuna kuchita izi" nthawi zambiri.

5. Kusagona mokwanira ndi zizindikiro za kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pa kutha

Pali njira ziwiri zomwe izi zingapitirire - kusowa tulo kapena kugona kwambiri. Kusagona tulo ndi vuto la kugona lomwe sililola munthu kugona kapena kudzuka pa nthawi yachilendo. Kugona kumakhala kosasunthika komanso kosokoneza, kumabweretsa mavuto ena ambiri monga kukwiya, kusagaya bwino, kutuluka thukuta, ndi zina zotero. Kumbali inayi, kuvutika maganizo kungayambitsenso kugona mopitirira muyeso (maola 11-13 pa tsiku) nthawi zosamvetseka. Mapeto onse a sipekitiramu ndi owopsa ku dongosolo lanu. 

6. Mitsinje yolakwika yamalingaliro

Chizindikiro chomaliza ndi kuganiza molakwika komanso mopanda nzeru. Izi zikuphatikizapo kudzida , malingaliro ofuna kudzipha, malingaliro okakamiza okhudza ubale, ndi zochitika zina. Maganizo amakhala malo osasangalatsa komanso osasangalatsa; simungathe kugwira ntchito bwino mukasokonezedwa ndi kuganizira mopitirira muyeso. Kuthana ndi malingaliro amenewa ndikofunikira chifukwa amatha kuchitapo kanthu mwachangu kwambiri.

Koma tisanalankhule za mmene tingatulutsire kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pa kulekana, tiyenera kuyankha funso lofunika kwambiri. Izi zakhala zikutenga malingaliro a aliyense panthawi ina - palibe yankho la sayansi kwa izo kwenikweni. Tiyeni tiwone ngati tingathe kuthetsa vuto lanu poyankha kuti kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pa kupatukana kumatenga nthawi yayitali bwanji.

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Zimatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Kuti Mukhale Bwinobwino Pambuyo Polekana?

Palibe njira zokhazikika zochiritsira. Ngakhale mutazifuna moyipa bwanji, simungapeze yankho lokhazikika la funsoli. Palibe amene angakupatseni tsiku kapena nthawi yeniyeni ya kutha kwa vuto lanu lotha kutha. Umenewu ndi ulendo womwe mumauyamba nokha - palibe amene angakupatseni ulendo wopita. 

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti, "Zimangokhala chabe. Anthu ena amatenga milungu ingapo kuti atuluke kuchokera ku chisudzulo choipa pamene ena amatenga zaka ziwiri. Zimatengera iwo ndi mphamvu zawo zamaganizo kuti akonze zochitikazo. N'zovuta kwambiri kuyerekezera munthu wina. Koma palibe amene ayenera kuyesetsa kufulumizitsa zinthu - tengani nthawi ndi kuleza mtima ndi kupita patsogolo kwanu. Si mpikisano umene muyenera kupambana nawo ndi kuyerekeza ndi ena. "

Komanso, kuchira sikophweka. Kupita patsogolo kokha sikutsimikizira kuti simudzabwerera mawa. Kuthana ndi vuto la kuvutika maganizo pambuyo pa kusudzulana ndi chisokonezo komanso chisokonezo. Kumaphatikizapo zambiri zobwerera mmbuyo pamene tsiku limodzi labwino lisanafike masiku angapo oipa. Koma nayi zomwe tingakuuzeni motsimikiza: zimayamba kukhala bwino. Ngakhale kuti zimamveka ngati mapeto a dziko (ndipo mwina ndi anu), kuthetsa chikondi cha moyo wanu n'kotheka.

Ndi ntchito yokhazikika komanso kuleza mtima kwakukulu, mutha kutuluka kupsinjika mutatha kutha. Izi zikutifikitsa ku gawo lathu lotsatira lomwe limayang'ana kwambiri pakuchira. Muli ndi lingaliro labwino la zomwe mukudutsamo; tiyeni tiphunzire momwe tingathere. 

Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Kupsinjika Maganizo Pambuyo pa Kusudzulana

Simungathe 'kuchiza' kukhumudwa kwapambuyo pa chilekano mwachizolowezi. Kuziyerekeza ndi matenda akuthupi sikungakuthandizeni. Koma ngati palibe katemera wa matendawa, momwe mungathanirane ndi kukhumudwa pambuyo pakutha? Talemba zolozera zazikulu zitatu zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuyenda bwino. Agwiritseni ntchito ngati podumphira ndikusankha njira yochira yomwe ingakuthandizireni bwino. 

Tikukulimbikitsani kuti muganizire zosankha zonse mwachilungamo; osataya lingaliro lililonse nthawi yomweyo. Simudziwa zomwe zingakhudze kwambiri. Pewani zongoganizira ndikuwerengabe ndi malingaliro omasuka. Nayi njira zitatu zapamwamba zothanirana ndi kukhumudwa pambuyo posudzulana bwino…

1. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri 

Kupsinjika maganizo pambuyo pa kupatukana kumatha kuwononga kwambiri thanzi lanu lamalingaliro ndi thupi. Mukakhala kuti mulibe ndalama zokwanira, kulumikizana ndi akatswiri azamisala ndikofunikira. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Katswiri wa zachipatala kapena phungu akhoza kukuthandizani kuona zinthu bwinobwino, kukuthandizani kuzindikira kuti chisoni ndi mmene munthu amamvera mumtima mwanu. 

"Ena adayendapo munjira iyi musanapite inu ndipo adatulukira mbali ina. Chidziwitso ichi chingakhale chotonthoza mukakumana ndi ululu ndi kusweka mtima. Kuti simuli nokha mumavuto ndi kutayika kwanu." Ku Bonobology, timapereka thandizo laukadaulo kudzera mu gulu lathu la akatswiri ovomerezeka. Angakutsogolereni ku ululu wa kusudzulana kwanu ndi njira yochira.

2. Kodi mungathane bwanji ndi kukhumudwa pambuyo pakutha? Kudzisamalira komanso kudzikonda 

Sambani, yeretsani nyumba, ndipo lekani kudya zakudya zopanda thanzi. Yakwana nthawi yoti tichite pamodzi, sichoncho? Kukhala ndi chizoloŵezi chokhazikika kumapindulitsa kwambiri polimbana ndi kuvutika maganizo kwakukulu pambuyo pa kutha kwa banja. Pitani kuntchito ndi kugona pa nthawi yake. Pangani masewera olimbitsa thupi chonde! Muyenera kuyamba kubwerera kumawonekedwe anthawi zonse. Kugwa m'masautso sikukhazikika. 

Kupatula kudzisamalira, phunzirani momwe mungadzikonderenso nokha. Yesetsani kusamala, yoga, kusinkhasinkha kapena kulemba zolemba zanu kuti mugwirizane ndi zakale ndikumvetsetsa bwino za nthawi ino. Musadziponyere mumkhalidwe wongokhala usiku umodzi kapena kuchita zinthu zina. Sangalalani ndi kukhala ndi anzanu pakadali pano ndipo khalani ndi nthawi yabwino. Pali zabwino zambiri zokhala osakwatira - zigwiritseni ntchito mokwanira.

3. Njira zothandizira ndizofunikira  

Gulu lankhondo la munthu mmodzi ndi lalikulu. Koma iwonso ndi akanthawi. Ngati mukufuna kuchiza kukhumudwa kwapambuyo pa chilekano m'lingaliro lonse, dalirani anzanu ndi abale anu. Aloleni akuthandizeni kuyeretsa kapena kukonza ndikuvomera kuyitanidwa kwawo ku chakudya chamadzulo kapena zakumwa. Dzizungulireni ndi okondedwa omwe amakukumbutsani kuti moyo ndi wokongola. Muli ndi maulaliki ena ofunikira kupatula wakale wanu, choncho akondeni.

Dr. Bhonsle akupereka upangiri wothandiza, "Nthawi zonse ndimapeza kuti zokumana nazo kapena nkhani za ena zingakhale zothandiza kwambiri. Werengani/onera/mvetserani anthu omwe adakumana ndi kusweka mtima . Kodi adapambana bwanji? Kodi ndi zolakwa ziti zomwe adachita (zomwe mungapewe)? Mutha kubwereka kuchokera ku chidziwitso chawo ngati mukuyang'ana zinthu ndi malingaliro okukula." Ndi zodabwitsadi, sichoncho?

Ndipo monga choncho, taphimba maziko athu onse. Tsopano mukudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi kukhumudwa pambuyo pakutha mokhazikika komanso mokhwima. Ngati taphonya china chake apa, chonde tidziwitseni mu ndemanga pansipa. Ndife okondwa nthawi zonse kumva kuchokera kwa inu. Zabwino zonse paulendo wanu - tikukulimbikitsani.

Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.

Ibibazo

Njira Zothandizira Pothana ndi Kukhumudwa - Gulu Lathu Laochiritsa Akukuwuzani

9 Ubwino Wotsimikiziridwa Wauphungu - Osavutika Mukukhala Chete

Katundu Wamalingaliro - Zomwe Zimatanthauza Ndi Momwe Mungachotsere

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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